Did he really use to believe he'd made himself impenetrable, unresponsive? All along, knowing his resentment stemmed from the extent he craved this sort of bonding with another, aimed for it, feared it to death at once?
There were two quotes on one page, respectively, Sylvia Plath and Charlotte Brontë's authorship.
"Wear your heart on your skin in this life."
Incredible. For some reason, he'd never thought much of it, but the quote connected his musings with the tattoo on his arm, right below the shoulder. He did have a heart there, dagger going through it. It was on his skin, and still... still, it hadn't felt like anything was able to pierce his heart in reality, it only hurt alone, bled from the inside, seeped and spilled the drops over anything or anyone who approached. And not everyone likes to get close and know something if it leaks blood. Not everyone wants to tend to the wound and stop the bleeding. Not everyone believes it bleeds not to stain or ruin or scare away, but solely because it has not learned yet of a path to heal.
It saddened him to a considerate degree, now that it dawned on him, he wished a heart with the intensity of his had someone to hold it and give it peace.
Not stalling any more, the second excerpt was there for the man to consider, too. A poem.
"Life, believe, is not a dream So dark as sages say; Oft a little morning rain Foretells a pleasant day. Sometimes there are clouds of gloom, But these are transient all; If the shower will make the roses bloom, O why lament its fall?"
This was preciously encouraging. Was it true? He'd been enduring more than a morning rain. It was closely resembling a thunderstorm, enough to end in a flood if it did not reach a halt soon in following years.
She uncovered this: she was the newborn holy ground, a rose garden to bloom out of it all. He'd be very happy in case she returned the feelings, this familiar adoration flowing through. Truth be told... she would not, in a million years. There was no way. But... she praised him, and kissed him, and had him exchange talks and stay close to her, tightly and kindly... did it all out of her determination. If it all wasn't mutual from her end, it shouldn't feel so real, and make him that elated.
The noise of her footsteps was suddenly evident to his ears. She was returning! He slipped the pile of annotations inside. Five seconds went by after he closed the purse and lied down, pretending to be either tired or nonchalant until he convinced himself it was the truth... that was all he was able to do before Janet entered the room. He assumed that it would be the best escape to close his eyes, to feign a certain unawareness and mislead his brain upon her notable, enchanting presence. No Janet Weiss for him, no. Not even...
"Frank? Hello there... are you tired? Guess who's back, all for your best smiles!"
Well, shit.
The Transylvanian got up in surprising precipitation to have hues fixated on her again, sat with one leg crossed and studied her, silent, absorbed as anyone is when facing unreal beauty.
If this was people's résumé for a so-called crush, it'd been wickedly underestimated. It felt potent. In effect, he'd been swooning like a complete fool at prospects so simple at heart. And currently, the drumming of his pulse scared him to no end. As she arrived, she was carrying one glass in her hand, the other being supported beside a wine bottle at the corner of the large plate she held. A plate with pastries, both sweet and salty fillings added and adequately distributed, among alternate portions of them. She took off her cardigan, found it better to be wearing lighter clothing, remaining only in her pink dress.
"So I know you asked for some wine to sip only. But in truth, I brought us a few things more. Savories are on the right, sweet on the left. If... you don't want any, I can take all the plate on my own! Would be fun to eat by your side."
"N-no, we can share it, for sure. I'd really love to eat with you."
She was radiant at the brief comment. And then, while placing the items on the dresser, one hand signaled for him to stand. It sparked curiosity, but he did so nonetheless. She spoke.
"Nice, stay there. I got something pretty good I need to show to you."
The ambiguity of the words was a test to his stability, and curse it, he was losing. What would she ask from him? All he knew was he'd give it to her in a heartbeat. Perhaps she wanted...
"I'm excited to give this to you", she said, pulling from her sleeve a golden necklace, much like the one she always wore — with the exception it did not have any name for a pendant, instead presenting a golden heart in the same place.
All right, this sounded good and wholesome. She walked closer, then extended the accessory to show him details. He doted on it, found it to be the best gift.
"It looks marvelous! Janet, dear, you got this beautiful gift... for me? You don't exist."
She was quick to address him over a small matter:
"I'm sorry it couldn't have your name written on it, but, you know, that couldn't be something available at the moment. This one, I got it from a woman I stumbled upon on my way here, as I almost reached for the stairs. She said that this belonged to a jeweler. Her mother, and it was never used before."
"Sounds sweet! But... why not?"
"Because it was her mother's special request! This, here, should end in someone else's hands — neck. Someone whose heart is loving and as precious as the pendant."
"Oh! She's generous by nature, it seems. And her daughter, too. To be fair, it probably didn't demand too great of an analysis to note, you fit the requirement more than anyone."
"Maybe. But, remember, I'm passing it to you. And here's the fun part: she agreed on where, with whom, it ends. She's heard all about you. From me."
Frank lost all the talent to say coherent words. He was that person she'd described in the end? He may very well be, she had a good notion of things, but this was a bizarre way for things to unfold.
"Move a little closer", she tried, and with him obeying, her hands could place the accessory around his neck. Her fingers were light as they brushed against it. He'd drink a good lot of poison as refreshment before he'd tell her out loud, but he had his head in the clouds, traveling miles away, and it was all because of her movements, her vague yet stimulating touch. He was infatuated with the silky ministrations as she finished putting on the necklace and stroked his skin — oh, it went further as the proximity of her face made her little sighs warmly lick that spot. Was it getting too obvious, how his eyelids trembled and he fought his body's impulses because he could picture her mouth... and her teeth... adoringly tasting his neck she touched?
"Aaand... there! You're matching with me. It looks good on you."
He found himself blushing at the comment and let a chuckle escape. This had him notably bolder and playful, dangerous inclinations to transpire. Going for his best shot, he took hold of her withdrawing hand without warning before she could finish pulling it back. Heatedly bringing it to his lips, he felt careless, unstoppable thrill take over his movements, confounding Janet and having her gasp as he resoundingly kissed the back of her hand. Instead of the laughter he expected, this time, she gave him a happy, melodious murmur. Sweet. Maybe, he concluded, because this kiss had her taken aback — yet blissfully so.
"Thank you. Wearing this... doing this with someone who matches so well... who'd guess I'd move far, huh?"
"You can go way beyond", she crooned.
The noise of thunder reached their ears all of a sudden. Janet jolted and opened her mouth.
"God, look! Yet another rainy hour."
"You're right. And going to be a lovely one with you."
She laughed heartily. True.
"Sit down. I'm going to grab something that helps us distract ourselves for a bit."
The man nodded, settling into bed, and saw her go for her purse, fumbling inside and returning to him with two pieces of paper. A pretty fountain pen helped her scribble a few things in both. This model was beautiful, he concluded in silence. And it would be interesting to know where she got the pen at all.
"Here, here! I made us my personal version of Town, Country, River. Changed the questions to my heart's content", she playfully explained, handing him one of the pieces of paper, pulling out another pen for him to use (which he placed by his side) and pacing to the other side of the room, holding the plate and the bottle.
"This looks like fun! But I've never... played anything of this kind. Would you help me?"
"Why not? I'd love that, and look, we can enjoy those in the meantime."
The blonde poured some wine into both glasses, giving one to him, and placed the savories and sweets behind them, in bed. She raised her glass and he tentatively did the same, interpreting she was calling for a toast.
"Sorry to ask, what's this one for?" He wondered, amused.
"To good company!"
"Clever lady, that's us! To good company."
The glasses clinked pleasantly. She sipped on her clearly greater portion of wine. He could understand that disparity: he'd told her he didn't want to get too tipsy, but nothing stopped her from doing that in his place. He took a sip of his own serving, let it linger and extended one hand behind, trying out one of their savory pastries. It was impressively tasty.
"Seems like it's all good to your taste, Frank! Tell me if you need anything, okay? And let's get to how you play this one. First, we pick a random letter from the alphabet. You see those categories I wrote? We're supposed to finish them with what each one asks, only using the letter chosen before as the initial. If it says 'name', you have to think of a name starting with it."
"Easy to grasp! And who chooses the letter?"
"Let's take turns. Since I am commanding things here, I choose the first one. G."
"Here we go."
The glasses were placed on the dresser, and they'd occasionally take a sip or two.
They both started scribbling furiously. Janet tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. Frank's brow furrowed in concentration. Then, the woman's voice reverberated as she yelled a decisive 'stop!'.
"Fuck, that was quick of you. Congratulations", her adversary offered and she clicked her tongue, self-assured, before eating a pastry with sweet filling.
"Aw, thanks, Frankie. Let's check it out. Name?"
"Grace."
"I put Guinevere. You know, I'm a fan of the name because of the Arthurian romance. But Grace is one of the prettiest names."
"I chose mine thanks to you."
"W-what? Ha ha..."
"Your name, 'Janet'. It means 'God's gracious gift'. It made me go for 'Grace'. When I was a little... younger, I used to search in books for the meaning behind names. I always remember thinking yours was beautiful."
"You used to do that?! That's lovely. I appreciate what you said about my name. What's the meaning behind yours?"
"Oh, very simple and usual. A variation of the name Francis... it means, 'free'."
Janet sighed.
"Free. It suits you so well! You're undoubtedly a free spirit. It released mine and I felt happy to capture your spark. I never got to thank you for it directly. Thank you", she pronounced calmly, squeezing his hand.
"No need to thank me. I only... ever did something because you always had someone brilliant living in you. Take the credit for embracing freedom. You're... at times, you seem more free than I am. Your smiles, your unabashed way to show emotion. Your romantic view of the world being something you're proud to display. And how you'll always let your warmth show so openly."
"That's true, I'm exactly like that. Still, who says you haven't been doing the same? Showing it all the best way you can?"
"I... I am?"
"Listen. You've given me the cutest smiles I've known. You've been behaving very warm and romantic all the while."
"Oh. T-this is flattery beyond what I deserve. Ha ha, I can't... that makes me happy."
"There's more. You've also been honest to show your fears. I'm so proud you did that."
"Sorry... why would you be? They're just my weaknesses."
"They're not! I am very clear about my fears, I'm always open to express I'm scared, wouldn't you say?"
"Yes, that's true."
"And do you see me as weak for it?"
"No! Of course not. I'm talking particularly and solely of myself. BecauseIhave fears that are way too ludicrous. So... weakness."
"Fear is a natural and human emotion. We must face fears, not deny them, you know? If... we feel it, all it means is we want to remain safe. It's amazing to want to be safe. Being honest about it, understanding, conquering until you find that old fear is over and has you brave."
"You speak so beautifully. Has anyone said this to you before?"
"I can't recall it. But I feel fantastic now that I heard it from you- oh!" She exclaimed, feeling him suddenly pull her in and hug her in a wild embrace.
"Wow, earned a hug just for being truthful, ha ha..."
"It's a gracious gift. You are. That's what I need. Who I need."
Her body tingled against his and she remained silent before acknowledging it with a hum, grateful for each word.
"I'm glad! But now, can we keep playing? What did you put for color? I tried green", she revealed, eating from the savory portion and watching him mimic the gesture with the other side.
"I put grey! It's a fair response... then, so is yours. Green's the color of the woods, which is sweet, and-"
"And the color of your eyes. Love it."
"Thanks, dear, but pay credit to yours. The prettiest I've seen in my life. Really! The color, and their shape, I just... love when I can look at them close."
"Good, so we're aligned! You're a lucky one, I absolutely love looking at you with them."
He smiled. Smiled vaguely, then felt light pervade him so earnestly, and his face turned radiant at her. They smiled in equal intensity for a good while, until he snapped out of it and reminded them to keep saying their answers. The time passed in their growing cheerful nature.
They moved from that game to storytelling after. It was impressive to imagine the descriptions they exchanged, to witness the mutual sparkle in their eyes as they put their creativity and memory on display.
The night arrived.
"It's somewhat hot. Funny weather, because the rain is still lasting long", Frank commented.
"True. Hey, an idea for you to sleep better: how about trying out your corset? I brought it with me."
"And that's the deal! Will do. Thanks, darling, I'll head to the bathroom and be over in a minute."
"I'll be waiting and ready! Only this light blanket is flawless. Too hot anyway, and... it'll feel comfortable if it's beside each other."
He grinned. That was true. He went inside with his heart fluttering because he'd relax with her body that close.