April 20th, 1992. 04:11 PM.
(Interrogation Room. Venadu Base, loaned to Alt. III's HC for Swaraj.
Venadu Island. India.)
[Jerzy]
"Ugh…" The intense light of a reflector kept showering on me. I could do nothing more than squint my eyes, as I am restrained on a chair.
A silhouette paces in front of me, back and forth. Tapping a folder with her fingers, she stops and seems to look in my direction.
"Comrade Sandek, are you telling us the truth?" The woman in the formal dress of the USSR demanded, a quiet warning in the words.
"…All I've said is the truth, and nothing but the truth."
"Care to retell the events that led to the demise of your whole company, if you would be so kind?" She again demanded, softly hitting the folder with her palm.
Pointlessly gulping the dryness in my mouth, I proceed to repeat what was already detailed to minuteness in my report. I heard the rumors of the… special and exhaustive inquiries of our superiors whenever they suspect something is odd in our papers. However, I had never fell victim to one of those.
In this case, I believe they are suspecting me of being a defector. Being the sole survivor and having left the Russian officers behind seems to have made them think I betrayed my squadron and ran away. These hardheaded Moskalis cannot accept that a Pole was the one to survive instead of their 'finest Russian elites'.
Once I finished my summary for the second time, the woman slowly paced back and forth in front of me for a moment. Her silhouette sending rays of dark at me when she passed in front of the light, her steps echoed on and on for quite a while.
Ugh… They also had to restrain me on this chair. The uppermost arc of the wood intimately lodged on my nape, it only enhances the strain and jolts of pained distress of my muscles. My head is still killing me, the entirety of its back is screaming for a pillow and shuteye. I don't remember what happened to me after I took Doyarka out of our cockpit and left her with the medic crew. I think I fainted then.
I had the worst rest I ever had since I was put in the STF, felt like vomiting my entire intestines once I woke up, as if my whole body was filled with some heavy mix of muck and toxins. My breathing is still not completely calm, my arms and feet are swollen. The doctors told me they gave me a strong hypnotherapy session to help me calm down, since it seems I started thrashing about when I regained consciousness.
Recalling how my comrades died, the screams, Doyarka's and the other ESPers' suffering during that ambush… It might have been for the best that they drugged me, but I can't help but to think that it was a bear's favor what they did. If I could have let that out, I wouldn't still feel so intoxicated and could have avoided the fogginess that assails me whenever they use those damned drugs on us. This was supposed to help me be stable again, yet I can't be at ease. The calmness in me now is but a fake veil placed atop the tempest, it was truly a challenge to write my report concisely when I felt like puking every ten minutes, yet I could only feel my throat twist shut as I gagged on air when trying to follow the instinct.
And despite that, I had to push myself to write that damn paper on time. Otherwise, this chair… would have another shocking add-on put on its frame. Combat exhaustion is not recognized by the USSR as an excuse to shirk duty. If I didn't want to leave India with scars on me, I had to deliver. However, it seems my efforts did not please my superiors.
My gaze falls to the floor, my eyes squinting in pain, feeling dry and warm as if I had stared at a screen for a whole day, or if I had been left outside this base overlong, what with this country's deafening heat. Something hits my left shoulder, the female agent had smacked it with the folder she had. Now standing in front of me, she seems to be frowning as I hear the sound of her feet hitting the floor in quick succession, raising in impatience.
"Comrade, I would like you to focus your gaze upwards. We are having a conversation here."
"…Sorry, Ma'am."
"Speak louder, comrade! We did not train such feeble soldiers. You're a veteran who returned from a hive, are you not? Show some grit!" Her shouts seemed to ingrain itself inside of my head, like an ear bug constantly repeating the same words as an echo.
You can't expect me to… be in high spirits after what I went through, goddammit. I inhale sharply and tense up my abs, holding the venom brewing within, bringing my chin upwards slowly.
"Sorry, Ma'am. Won't happen again."
The woman smiled like a snake, letting me see her teeth for a second, "Good. Now then comrade, your comms seem to have been damaged during the fight, according to the mechanics. What do you think caused this?"
"As I said before, there seems to be something on the hive's walls. Our comms were distorted and we couldn't keep the connection stable. As I reported, after that ambush we had to proceed without a wired connection. It is possible my equipment was overloaded during the escape."
"I see…" She again paced around, reading the papers that I had written some hours ago before getting my first meal since leaving the hive, "Regarding the death of your superior… Did Cpt. Rogofsky give you any orders you had to fulfill?"
"Our exchange is detailed in the report. It seems his unit was damaged when the ambush happened and he ordered the last two of us to escape. Due to how the ESPers lost control, our squad couldn't be put back in order before the BETA struck."
"I see, so… About this ambush… Why did your partner regain her focus?"
"Considering my past experiences, I chose to not force the medicine on her and cut her off the sensors until she regained her composure on her own."
"…You do know that breaks the protocol, do you 2nd Lieutenant Sandek?"
"The situation was an emergency. If we followed the protocol to the letter, we wouldn't have gotten past the first hall when we had to engage the BETA to keep advancing."
"However, the lives of your comrades could have been saved had you silenced the ESPer and used the data you could have obtained to aid them. One could say… your negligence costed them their lives," So… I suppose they want me dead? Is the data we brought useless? Is this a punishment?
"My unit should have a backup of the data I sent them. I did keep them updated but in the end only two of us managed to rendezvous near the drift. Despite the strain it put on her, my partner managed to gather data amidst that chaos. I believe I detailed that in my report, Ma'am."
"Yes, you did. However, why did you not administer the medication to the ESPer?"
"As I said before, my past experiences made me abstain from that course of action. My partner had already suffered from serious memory loss before, if I had pushed her and she died or fainted the mission would have been over for me at that point. However, if my decision was mistaken in your eyes… I shall bear the consequences," I know that reasoning with them is pointless. Being honest and frontal is all I can do, their decision has already been made.
The woman moved away, letting the light blind me again. Closing my sight at the light, I heard how she moved behind me and started pacing back and forth. Feeling as if snow had gotten inside my shirt, I bit the inside of my lip in a futile attempt to calm down myself.
"Comrade Sandek, regarding your escape… None of the UN units that were with your company within the hive survived, is that correct?"
"Yes, Ma'am."
"According to your unit's control log, it seems you shared some data with them. Could you tell us what that was? And, why did you do such a thing?"
I take a second to inhale and calm my breath, feeling the pounding of my heart peel off my chest's skin from within, "…I sent them an updated map. My partner sensed more BETA coming towards us from an area beyond the one that was currently mapped in our radar, so I had to send them proof of my words so that they agreed to perform one last dash to escape. As the recording should say, Antlion 14 also confirmed my readings."
"So, your ESPer managed to remain functional during the escape?"
"…Yes, my partner remained controlling the sensors while I ran and fought."
"Going by the data…" I felt her stopping right behind me, her voice sounding closer to my ear, "It seems you two engaged a projection. Did you use the medicine on your ESPer at the time?"
"No, as I said, my partner was under severe strain at the time. The medicine was not used."
"I see… And then, your element and the UN's units were intercepted by the BETA, I believe?" She started to pace back and forth behind me again.
"Yes, Ma'am. The Forts halted our stride, allowing the rest to swarm in and split us up. I barely managed to get past them using but a small opening in the middle of their chaos."
Sharply, her steps stop. Feeling her breath right below my ear, the whisper, the cold whisper reached out, "Could you describe that part in detail, comrade?"
I slowly part my lips to gasp for some air as the memories come flowing back, to let whatever is now on my mouth go out. There is no sadness or anger thanks to the hypnotherapy, but relieving that part of the escape… is making the back of my head feeling like it's going to explode. As if someone had hit me from behind without warning, I close my eyes for a second. The wooden arc of the chair, the hostile presence behind me only serve to deter me away from calmness. I know they won't allow me to show weakness, so delaying my answer for a small moment is better than let my words fall short on their ears. I let out some air as I open my eyes, and retell the events of how we broke through that horde as best as I could.
"So you did not use the medicine and engaged a projection for over twenty minutes?" Still right behind, still doubtful.
"Yes, Ma'am."
"And… you say you barely managed to escape the BETA?"
"…Yes. I barely managed to break through a hole in their numbers. I don't clearly remember all the details of the fight, however I do remember that it was nothing short of a miracle that we didn't get surrounded," I don't know why, but remembering that part of the fight makes my head hurt much.
"…And you immediately contacted us after you returned to the gate? You didn't contact any other UN officials?"
"I only contacted one UN pilot before speaking with Col. Rogofsky, Ma'am."
"Then, when you fled the hive, you didn't contact anyone else?"
"No, I was too focused in my escape to even try. I do remember the common channel being made a mess after the Lasers appeared, but I only paid attention to it when they updated my escape route. When I rendezvoused with our comrades, I left my partner in their hands and fainted. I believe my TSF was brought to our vessels with a Support Vehicle, but I do not know anything else past that point."
She let the silence hang for a moment. Then, I heard hurried steps as she walked back to where I could see her and waved somehow, the lights were turned off and the soldiers that were standing guard nearby removed my bindings.
"That will be all, 2nd Lt. Sandek," She said, caressing her hair, "I shall take it upon myself to deliver the revised report to the UN. Until next time."
"…Yes, Ma'am," I stood in attention and saluted her.
She gestured me to be at ease and then, as I turned around towards the exit, I saw that a few comrades were awaiting by the door. I salute them in kind, a slim female in a formal dress of the UN takes a step forward. Her blonde hair and complexion told me she also comes from Poland. I think she's one of our operators… But my memory isn't in top form right now.
"…2nd Lt. Sandek, Col. Rogofsky is awaiting you. You are to go to his office, this moment."
"I see. I acknowledge my orders," I salute her and then they open the door, escorting me then to our superior's office.
It's such a charade… UN uniform or not, this is the same as before. All personnel in our UN Branch still belongs to a nation under the old Warsaw Pact, and all those who are not of Soviet origin are more or less political hostages or know that they can only move in certain sectors and have to mind their tongue. Wouldn't want an accident to happen in the civvies' camps, right?
I hasten my pace, since I rather deal with whatever this is now and be done for the day. We reach the vicinity of the office and are stopped by a pair of soldiers in our fatigues instead of the UN's. They confirm my identity and let me through, those who came with me give a salute and go their ways. I walk straight ahead and knock on the door.
"Come on it," An old, raspy voice commands.
Walking in, shivering slightly at the colder temperature in the office as the low rumble of the AC reaches my ears, I quickly adjust to the ample light in the room, "2nd Lt. Jerzy Sandek, reporting in," I give a salute, stopping right in front of his desk, the old man points to a sofa and I sit on it.
Taking a moment to before looking my way, the incoming threads of sunshine brightening his already ash blonde hair even more in contrast with the dark uniform he prefers to endow, Colonel Rogofsky nods my way, "Before anything, congratulations are in order. You did well, 2nd Lt. Sandek. As expected of one of our elites."
"Thanks for your praise, sir," Come on, drop the pretending already and tell me why you called me here, Colonel.
"Now then…" The man smiles as he rests an elbow onto his desk, that was busy with many folders, a few stray pages, a laptop, a small glass, a bottle of vodka, and a gun as well of course, "I would like to hear your fresh impressions about the mission."
"I already sent my report, sir. It should-"
"Please, comrade. I want no formal words. I want the raw opinion of a soldier," His smile shifted into a smirk as he poured himself some vodka, up to the rim, "How was it? Infiltrating a hive, fighting in their territory, taking the war to their homes?" The Colonel then fetches another small glass from under his desk, fills it up and passes it to me.
I gulp it in one go and sigh the heat, preparing myself for yet another explanation.
…
"Comrade Sandek, regarding this matter about your sensors… Are you certain something in the hive was interfering with your comms?" Rogofsky curiously asked as he looked at the laptop, while taking another shot of vodka.
"Yes, sir. There is no denying how much worse our radars and sensors worked after the underground attack, and even before that, the more we descended the worse the interference became," Honesty is the best policy. And I might end up getting sent into another hive if I live long enough, so maybe using my newfound status as a 'veteran' can help me convey these ideas while the thankfulness lasts.
"Hmm… Do you think this was made by the BETA on purpose to hamper us?"
"No, my partner mentioned she felt something odd in the structure itself of the tunnels in the Hive the more we descended. At the least, I do not believe it was made as a countermeasure."
"I see. Now then, how was the combat? Your report said you found the Mindseeker lacking… How lacking are we talking about?"
"Very much so, sir. I do not know how I made it out alive with only two daggers and less than a thousand rounds left of 36mm. If I may, I would suggest we start researching new methods of defense in CQC. If we desire to reclaim the hives nestled in our soil, we will need to cleave through those narrow drifts once more. Daggers won't be enough, rifles will run out of ammo, the Tanks will surround and seize our units if left unchecked."
"Do you mean our own brand of melee halberds?"
"Well, that would be of much help, I'm sure. But I believe we should weaponize our whole TSFs. If we could put small blades on its feet and shoulders, maneuvering through the BETA hordes would become easier on us, and the Tank threat could be lessened."
Strangely for me, he nods in acceptance, "…I'll keep that in mind for when we return to our HQ," For when we return, huh? Sigh… So we are going back home for some days at the least, "Now… How was the ambush? What happened in there?"
I narrow my brows as my gaze crashes down, crumbles down as that hall did, remembering how the ESPers were treated amidst their chaos, their suffering. Licking my lips, folding my own opinions down my throat, I chose my words carefully, for his son was my Captain, and retold the events again.
"…I see. It seems that idiot let his temper cloud his judgment again," He grimaced, quite roughly, as he filled his cup once more.
"Excuse me?"
"Talking about my son. He let the chaos run rampant for precious seconds. That's what caused the downfall of the squadron."
"If I may, sir, anyone would have been overwhelmed in that situation."
"And yet, you managed to react on time and made it to the drift along another of your squadmates. I am glad to see the Motherland put a decent man in that place. The Captain…" He takes a pause and drinks, then remains looking upwards while his eyes tightly close. Sighing hard, shaking his head, Rogofsky whispers out, "…He simply reached his limit."
"…I suppose the mission was a success then, sir?"
"Hm? Oh, right. I forgot you were out of commission for a long time due to your efforts. It wasn't a victory, but we put a dent in the BETA forces. It seems now India has some more time to rearm their frontlines. You and the other survivors gave us very valuable data, so you can rest easy. Your efforts were not in vain, Comrade Sandek. The A-01 STF made the Motherland proud," So we won't be seen as failures… I fold a sigh and give him a nod.
"I see. It is a relief to hear that, sir," Sighing within my mind, my arms allow themselves to truly rest on the sofa.
He nods as he returns his attention to the laptop, back to the immutable ice wall of a face he habitually has, "Indeed. Now then, since there are only twenty left of you, I was planning on placing you in the surviving squad from the STF. For the time being, you'll get some leave time from your duties once we're back in our base back in Alaska. Consider this a reward for all your efforts."
"Leave time?" That… is a first. I've never heard of anyone getting leave time in the STF, after all, "Thank you kindly for the gesture, sir."
"Well, we cannot send you out to the field without an ESPer now, can we? You'll have to wait until we tune and configure another one for you from the leftover stock of the fifth generation."
"…Excuse me? Did… something happen to my partner?"
"No, nothing of the sort as far as I'm concerned. However, the Professor seems to want her as a… volunteer for some testings," The Colonel squinted his eyes as wrinkles scorched their surroundings, "I'm the Commander of the human side of the STF so I have no say in what happens with the supply and maintenance of the witches. Don't worry Comrade Sandek, you'll be flying again with a brand new ESPer fine tuned right out of production soon."
He then laughed quietly while focusing on his laptop again. Blinking quickly a few times, a beeping suddenly began to echo in my hears. My gaze slightly lowered, brows crashed against the other as I tried to process the words I was just told. But, for some reason, the puzzle didn't want to come together.
…What? Volunteer for testing? What are they… going to do to her? Did she… reach her limit? Clawing at the sofa, closing my throat shut, at the last image I recall of her. Running a hand through my hair with the slowness a doctor would employ when treating an open wound, I massaged it, allowing myself to let out a sigh.
I can't do a thing. I shouldn't do a thing.
If I speak up, I'll be admonished and… punished for challenging the authorities. As nothing but a soldier, I cannot ask about her condition or whereabouts.
Doyarka is… She's…
Gone.
"Well, this has been a pleasant talk 2nd Lt. Sandek. I will be expecting much from you in the coming missions."
"…Yes, Colonel. I shall not disappoint," I stand up and salute him, he gestures towards the door and I leave.
I silently reach the elevator and return to the ground floor, then make my way to the PX, holding my forehead in a futile attempt to ease the pain.
I want to know what happened to Doyarka, yet inquiring into the matter is beyond my options. I do wonder if it has something to do with how they tied me up in such a way during the interrogation. It isn't the first time I'm called to give insight about my reports, all soldiers go through this eventually in our organization, but it was never in such an aggressive way.
Considering the importance of the STF, it was a given any survivors from Swaraj were going to be put under the microscope. But the interrogation is usually nothing more than sitting in a typical small room face to face with an officer, perhaps two. Worse case, they could have used some truth serum on me while I was out cold. Maybe they did and it's why I can barely lift my boots off the ground, why my upper body refuses to lose tension no matter how much I try to calm my breathing.
Why did they bind me and even go as far as use the light to blind me? If they did not think I'm a traitor, why did they go so far? Perhaps because they believed I mishandled a precious 'weapon'? Yet, they didn't punish me after I spoke.
I suppose, they could have been increasingly anxious about me having leaked intel to the UN when they couldn't monitor me. And yet, their trainings did their job. Even if the UN could have took me with them in exchange for the intel, even if they had offered that to me I am too scared of the retaliation that would follow upon my Father and close friends to even ponder that course of action for more than a millisecond.
I sigh and wipe the cold sweat off my forehead, deciding to stop this train of thought. I truly feared I was going to be sent to Siberia or shot on the spot for a second there. And yet, the oppression on my chest is no longer due to that fear.
Finally arriving to the mess hall, that made honor to its name, harsh sunlight blasting in from the windows, a mixture of shouts and threats in different languages, MPs and pilots had to share the place, that could barely hold in all of their shouts and moods, for the time being until we are cleared to return home.
The rough English of the natives, their side glances towards the others, the almost too quiet corner of the UN soldiers, and a sector where only those from our faction can sit, much to the complains of the native soldiers, some who are still arguing about the lack of seats. Yet, looking away from all that, lifting a tray, I silently got in the small line.
To think it has been two days already… I move my shoulders up and down, trying to release the stiffness in me. We could make it out thanks to those American and Japanese pilots that sacrificed themselves to kill some of the Heavy Lasers, otherwise we would have been killed in mere seconds. And even then, that was at the expense of leaving the western front of the mission alone. My escape route went to our carriers to the east, so the suppression efforts focused on the BETA marching towards us. The ones going west… were not dealt with until I had reached a safe area.
I believe I spent most of the 18th and 19th either being out cold or drugged after waking up and having a breakdown after the tension had left my body. Yesterday I was busy writing the report once I regained consciousness, and I didn't really felt that good. I went back to sleep once that was taken care of and I put some food in me, and even then it took me quite some hours to prepare the papers.
When I woke up today it was barely some minutes past 1000 hours and I went to file the report, then got to properly eat something in the mess hall in peace before it became this hellish spectacle, instead of having vitamins and proteins being forced into me through the cables in the med bay while I was out or forcing something down my throat while I was writing. I had next to no time to gather my own thoughts after that as I was yet again called by my superiors.
Sigh… I didn't expect a grand welcoming, but this was crushing. I wonder how she was these last few days… Why have you been chosen to be a test pilot, Doyarka? Did you… reach your limit? Was it my fault? Should I have used the drug instead? There's so much I want to know, but we cannot ask any questions.
Once I got my food, my feet quickly aimed to the wall. Avoiding the complaining regular soldiers, I went to a corner and sat down in an open seat in a rather empty table. Surface Pilot or not, survivor of a hive infiltration or not, I'm still nothing but a soldier.
Sigh… What the hell… And I thought the taste of the food back home was lacking… No wonder the regulars are in such a rough shape. To think India was once such a prosperous land with so much natural beauty according to what little I could read during my stay here. Though… I still cannot wrap my head around the 'controversy' of using cattle for… well, food. To think they'd still wish to prohibit red meat despite the state their nation is in… Well, I am no one to judge. Unlike them, who keep giving both us and the other soldiers from the UN quite the nasty stare, as if they were looking at the most foul kind of scum in the Earth. Besides those who choose to argue, and subtly speak loud in their broken attempts at English enough to be heard from where I'm sitting.
Sigh… Even here, more and more divisions. No wonder humanity is losing the war. BETA work together, despite their genetic differences. Us? We can't even agree on whether we can eat meat while on the losing side of a war. Or, I don't know, perhaps respect the native's wishes instead. Why demand their resources if it'd spawn these issues?
Sigh… Too tired to think about this shit, not like me thinking about it will change what High Command does. Guess I'll go lie down for a while after a shower, my head is still killing me. And both the numbing heat and lurking shouts are doing me no favors.
Quickly finishing my food, I pretty much ran away from the mess of a hall the PX had become. With heavy steps, dragging my head on the floor to the point I could have stepped on it, I somehow reached my room without issue.
Collapsing myself onto the bed, turning slowly, resting a hand behind my head, my gaze and mind now hanging from the ceiling. I softly rubbed my forehead as the edges of my eyes betrayed the drug that was put on me and slightly watered. I can't let out tears but I do feel the wall is about to crumble.
Sigh… Pinching my nose, rolling to a side and facing the wall now, I close my eyes. The more I think about it, the worse it'll be on me. Knowing I'll never hear her laugh another time, never see her again… is more painful than I thought it would be.
…Doyarka, what happened to you? Why were you chosen for the tests?
No… Don't be an idiot.
It will only get worse for you if you keep her in your heart. Burn the bridge, she's gone.
She's gone. Forever…
Just… rest for now. Breathe in and rest…