Johnny pulled into a parking space looking up at the familiar apartment complex, memories of Johnny and Lulu flooded through his memory making it almost impossible to breathe.
"Alright, quit being an idiot. You're not here to fuck Lulu, even though you might want to." Johnny said to himself drawing in a breath before walking inside. Johnny rode the elevator up to her floor, once he got off he knocked on her door.
"Coming!" Her voice rang out as she hurriedly opened the door, she looked a little tired.
"You look about how I feel." Johnny blurted out and, she laughed.
"Oh believe me, I know. I'm exhausted. Come in." Lulu stepped aside so that he could come into the apartment, Johnny shut the door behind him.
"Me too." Johnny agreed, noting how the apartment hadn't changed much.
"Yeah, when Maxie and Spinelli get married it'll just be me. Spinelli bought a house right across the street from Robin and Patrick, it's going to be weird not having Maxie around. I'll obviously still see her but, we've lived together for two and a half years. I'll have to get a second job to afford this but, I'm happy they're getting married. I really am, I don't mean to sound like I'm not. They deserve it, they do." Sometimes once Lulu started talking she just couldn't stop and this was one of those moments. Johnny and Lulu both took a seat on the couch, letting out a sigh.
"Good for them, they deserve it. I understand that you're used to having Maxie around, if you ever need any help you know I'm always around. How are you doing? I don't mean the bullshit you're telling everyone else...how are you REALLY doing?"Johnny glanced at her, he could tell that something was going on.
"I've just been...really depressed. I don't really even have a good reason for it Johnny. I should be happy! My best friend is getting married for god's sake. I want to be happy...I'm just not. All I want to do everyday of my life is lay in my bed and never get up. Whenever I go over to the loft, I will sit in my car and cry. I don't know what it is but...I can't bring myself to love Dante. I feel nothing. I'm just on autopilot...my life is passing me by. I don't even know how to explain what I'm feeling. All I know is that it sucks, I'm so exhausted all the time. I just want to get back to the person I was." Lulu wasn't sure how she felt but, Johnny being with her was helping.
"I...haven't been feeling the best either. Between Claudia's death, Olivia on my ass, this war with Corinthos and Michael going to prison... I'm stretched pretty thin. I get it, I really do. I'm not sure that I have real feelings for Liv, I feel something...but it's not what I felt when you and me were together." Why is it that when either one of them was struggling the other one was struggling too?
"What's Olivia saying? I know that I never liked Claudia but, I am sorry that she's dead. I know how you close you guys were. That's what I feel with Dante, I moved out of the loft and back here. I just don't know what I'm doing with my life! I'm only twenty three, I shouldn't be having all of these issues!" Lulu was almost scared to hear what Olivia had said but, it was clearly bothering Johnny.
"Liv doesn't like me talking to you for some reason, she was fine with it before the trial but now it's some big fucking deal. Liv also thinks that I can walk away from the business which I think you know is impossible. She has a problem whenever I leave the penthouse, this clingy shit makes me want to bang my head up against the fucking wall. Thank you, you and Lovett are the only ones who have said that. I don't either, I'm completely lost." Johnny gave a small chuckle at the end of his statement.
"Wow...I thought Olivia liked me. What's her deal? Do you think I should talk to her? Ha, you'll never be able to walk away! We already tried that, it didn't end well for anyone involved." Lulu didn't mean to bring up the past, it just sort of slipped out.
"It still doesn't sit right...the way things ended with you. I'm sorry for what I did with Maxie, you're a good woman. I screwed up like I always do. I should have told you Claudia was the one who shot Michael...I was too much of a coward. I hate that I ruined our relationship. Falconeri never would have stood a chance if I'd been honest with you, neither of us would be miserable right now." Johnny hadn't meant to say it but, it was out there now.