Chapter Seven: The Camp
Puss In Boots, Brother Carlos and Aladdin sat on the ridge for a few minutes, surveying the camp and making a plan to retrieve Kitty. Puss, being the smallest and most agile, as well as the most skilled (if not for personal reasons), volunteered to search for Kitty. Aladdin and Brother Carlos would keep the lookout and torch the camp if anyone got caught. If all went well, Puss and Kitty would make it out undetected and they could keep moving east to the river as planned. But even the best plans were not immune to failure.
Puss darted through the shadows, being extra careful to avoid being spotted by the guards. It's not that he feared death, far from it. He just couldn't bear the thought of Kitty losing one of however many lives she had left in such a brutal way, or worse. An image popped into his mind of Beauchat, his former friend turned archenemy seducing Kitty. Visions of them winning and dining, making out, screwing and making little Beauchats nearly drove him into a rage. But he kept his composure, knowing that the task at hand was far more important.
"Dios mío Puss," he whispered to himself, "focus. Besides, Kitty has way more self control than that."
Just then, a soldier approached Puss's direction, forcing the feline to dart into the nearest tent, hoping and praying it wasn't full of more soldiers. He dove face-first onto the sheet that made up the "floor of the tent.
"Mff! Mff," a muffled female voice screamed at him. Puss looked up and saw Kitty, covered in bruises and small cuts, but very much alive.
"Kitty," he said with relief as he raced to her, sword in hand to cut the ropes, "I'm so glad to see you." Kitty, as soon as she was free, gave Puss a big, passionate kiss.
"I missed you too," said Puss when Kitty released his mouth.
"You were right about this Beauchat guy," said Kitty, "he's like a sophisticated, but evil version of you."
"So I'm not sophisticated," said Puss defensively.
"That's not the point Pu–," Kitty was quickly cut off.
"We bust our cajones trying to find you," said Puss, "and you tell me I'm unsophisticated? Why did I have to fall for you, you wicked, cold," he continued, with new emotions surfacing, "spicy chiquita? To be fair, nobody does it better than you, but still. Where's my gratitude?"
"What do you want me to do," asked Kitty sarcastically, "tongue it?"
Puss froze, then thought about it. A wide, wicked grin appeared on his face.
"Don't answer that," said Kitty, who knew Puss well enough to know exactly what he was thinking.
Eventually, Puss started thinking with his brain again and said "Alright, lets get the fuck out of here."
"I don't think so," said a sinister, booming voice from someone who was clearly towering over them both. Puss and Kitty turned around and saw Sir Mordred staring them down, along with two soldiers.
"We meet again Puss," said Mordred, "maybe this time, we will be able to have an actual conversation."
"Did you do this to her," said Puss angrily, referring to the wounds on Kitty.
"Perhaps," chuckled Mordred as he drew his sword.
Puss drew his rapier, prepared for a fight. "Three to one," he said, "I like those odds."
"So do I," said Mordred as the two soldiers drew their weapons. Mordred then tossed Kitty's blade in the direction of the two cats. "But I like this even better," he taunted, "a gift for your girlfriend."
Then they stood for a few seconds before Puss decided to make the first move, slashing in Mordred's direction. Mordred blocked it and grinned.
(Mississippi Queen by Mountain)
"I'll have the head of a legend soon," said Mordred as he swung down at Puss.
"Doubtful," said Puss as he parried it, "I've got several lives left."
Meanwhile, Kitty was doing double duty on the two soldiers, blocking and parrying all of their attacks before slashing their legs. Their screams alerted the rest of the camp.
"Mierda," cursed Kitty as she heard voices approaching the tent, then turned to Puss, "they're onto us."
"As if they aren't already," said Puss as he dodged Mordred's sword.
Back on the hill, Brother Carlos and Aladdin watched as the guards of the camp rushed to an individual tent.
"That can't be good," said Brother Carlos.
"Nope," said Aladdin.
"We should help them," said Brother Carlos.
"Probably," replied Aladdin.
"Where the hell are they," cried out Puss as two guards rushed him, leaping upwards to avoid the blades and forcing the two men to run into each other. Then, as he descended, he carved his signature P on the chest of another guard.
"Same old you, huh," said Kitty, as she slashed a guard in the ass.
"There's only one me," said Puss, tipping his hat to her, "baby."
"A lot of nerve calling me baby," said Kitty while blocking another attack.
"You don't like it," asked Puss as he dodged a swing.
"Oh no," said Kitty, "I love it when you're overconfident with me. Eventually, you start to almost look as hot as you think you are."
"Ouch," said Puss playfully as he slit the wrist of the soldier that just tried to cut him in half, "I'm almost offended."
Mordred attempted to cut down both Puss and Kitty at the same time, but they both managed to block the blade. They found themselves staring into each other's eyes in a couple of seconds that felt like hours.
"Maybe we should become a permanent team," said Kitty, "after all," they pushed Mordred back, "we work so well together."
Puss grabbed Kitty by the hand and ran for the exit before saying, "Well, it's been awhile since I've gotten a good handjob."
"Tú cerdo," replied Kitty in disgust.
"Softpaws," teased Puss.
"New rule," said Kitty, "only I'm allowed to say that."
Just then, they noticed that the rest of the camp was on fire, with many of the soldiers running in all sorts of directions, and Beauchat standing in the middle of it cursing in french.
"Looks like I've got the right friends," said Puss.
"That's your plan," asked Kitty.
"Well," said Puss, "it didn't do much to help us escape, but it will slow them down."
"Hold it," yelled Beauchat, "I'm not letting you two get out of here so easily."
"Eat shit Emile," said Puss as he showed him his middle claw.
"Yeah," said Kitty, "comer mierda! And I was faking it the whole time!"
"Puss, Kitty," yelled Beauchat as he ran after them with his own sword drawn, "Récupérez la merde ici! Stop! I will fuck you up!"
Bwong!
A frying pan smacked Beauchat in the face, knocking him out cold. It was Aladdin.
"This guy looks like a douche," said Aladdin.
"Thanks buddy," said Puss, "I owe you."
"Yes you do," said Aladdin, "now let's go."
—-
"Find the frenchie," barked Mordred to a couple of his soldiers, "the bastard needs to be put in his place."
"Yes sir," said one of the soldiers before they took off.
Mordred thought about what just happened as he walked past the burning tents. Inside was more than just sleeping bags. There were week's worth of supplies for surviving in the harsh desert, all of which were now going up in smoke. He knew that the Fisher King was not a patient man, so returning home empty handed was out of the question. But it was also unlikely that the expedition could survive long enough to make it there and back.
"How could two little pussycats," Mordred angrily muttered to himself, "be such a pain in my ass? I'm supposed to be the big, bad knight that is feared by all! I should be ruining their day!"
"Sir," said a soldier's voice.
"What," demanded Mordred.
"We found him," said the soldier, holding an unconscious Beauchat. Mordred nodded in approval, grabbed the cat, and shook him furiously.
"Wake the fuck up," he yelled.
"Quoi, hein? Désolé maman, je ne serai plus en retard," rambled Beauchat as he was jerked awake.
"Your soft approach may have cost us the grail," said Mordred.
"Don't blame me on this," said Beauchat defensively, "I'm doing my job to the best of my ability, and I did not invite them to go search for it as well! Get your filthy mitts off of me!" Beauchat pried himself free and gracefully dropped to the ground.
"That's better," he said calmly, "now where was I? Oh, yeah. You blaming me for all of this when it's clearly not my fault. You want to cut me loose and do it yourself, right? Well you bastards don't know a goddamn thing about treasure hunting! You need me!"
"Yes," admitted Mordred, "but you are no longer getting paid for this assignment, you are now our property."
—-
Out in the desert, Puss and Kitty decided to talk out their issues as Brother Carlos and Aladdin had finally had enough excitement for one day and were asleep on their horse blankets.
"You actually did a pretty good job back there," said Kitty.
"That," Puss said, "that was just a simple Tuesday for me."
"Cut the hero bullshit," said Kitty, "you know I'm immune to that."
"Bullshit," teased Puss, "I am offended."
Kitty giggled and moved in closer to him, arm wrapped around his shoulder. Puss felt his heart skip a beat as she then gazed into his emerald eyes.
"Mi Madre always said to stay away from bad boys like you," said Kitty, "but I guess I can't help myself."
"Since when did you talk about your mother," asked Puss.
"I don't," said Kitty, "but I'm sure she would have told me that."
Puss and Kitty gazed up into the open skies, admiring the beauty of the stars over the desert. Neither of them could have planned the moment better.
"Do you have feelings for me, Puss," asked Kitty.
"I could," said Puss, "or not."
"Don't lie to me," said Kitty.
"Well," said Puss, "you are really good in a fight, and have an amazing body, as well as…"
"Puss," interrupted Kitty.
"So I might think about you more than I'd care to admit," answered Puss. "I mean, sure, I could get just about any girl I want, but I can never stay away from you for long. I don't get it."
Kitty thought about what to say next, unsure of how to handle Puss. She liked the ginger bad boy in a lot of ways, not that she would tell him. After dating for about a year after San Ricardo, one day she woke up, and the only sign of Puss was a note saying "Sorry Kitty, I gotta be me." Whatever that meant. Sometimes he'd come back to her or vice versa, they'd have dinner or something, go on a job, then some partying, sex, and Puss was gone. There were many nights she cried herself to sleep alone, upset with Puss for constantly being in and out of her life, and herself for falling for him.
"I missed you, Kitty," said Puss, "I really did."
"Why do you keep leaving me then," asked Kitty.
"We've been over this," said Puss, "I don't do relationships."
"Well I'm not your whore," said Kitty.
"Friends with benefits," asked Puss jokingly.
"You're disgusting," said Kitty.
"Sure I am," said Puss, "but so are you in the right situations."
"You perform way too well," said Kitty, once again locking eyes with Puss.
"You have a sexy voice," said Puss.
"Your swordsman skills are way too good," said Kitty.
"Hot bitch," said Puss.
"Sexy bad boy," said Kitty.
Just then, they began to aggressively make out before collapsing together in the sand, with Puss on top.
—-
Author's Note: Well, Puss and Kitty are back together again and the race for the Grail continues in the next chapter. In this story, I wanted to develop the complicated relationship between the two that eventually leads to Puss getting cold feet in Santa Coloma. After this story (I'm not sure about my other one, give me some time), I think it would be great to do a sequel series of Team Friendship after the second film. Feel free to let me know your thoughts.