Hawkeye laughed until his sides ached. And Trapper, being Trapper, laughed even harder. Hawkeye wasn't sure if it was the insane amount of alcohol they'd consumed or the fact that his suggestion had been really, really funny. He liked to think it was the latter.

"Can you imagine?" Trapper laughed, clutching his stomach. And when either of them looked over at Frank's empty cot, they laughed even harder.
"Do you think we should tell him?" Hawkeye asked.
"Are you kidding? That would spoil the surprise! Henry is going to be furious, you know."
"Yeah, but don't you think it's worth it?"
Trapper thought for a moment. "Who says we have to tell him?"
"You know, you're right. But how are we going to do it? Frank's not stupid, you know. Technically speaking. He's going to future it out sooner or later."
"Hopefully later. And you're wrong about Frank. He's stupid in any sense."
"But he'll know something's up."

The men fell silent. And suddenly Hawkeye's eyes lit up.
"I know that look, Hawk. What is it?"

"Who's the one person who could set this whole thing in motion?"
Trapper's grin grew wider and they both spoke at once.

"Radar"

The young corporal was clattering away on his typewriter, unaware of their presence. The moment Hawkeye put his hands on Radar's back, Radar jumped in surprise.
"Wha?"

"Radar, we need a favor."
"Aw geez guys, can't you see I'm busy?"
Hawkeye pulled the paper out of the typewriter and held it in the air where Radar couldn't reach it. But Radar put up a good fight.
"Hey, give me that!" He shouted, reaching with all his might for the paper. That's important stuff! I was almost finished with that! Darn it, now I'll; have to do it all over!"

"Forget about that! This is much more important!"
"What could be more important than the daily report?"
"Lots of things. Frank for one."
Radar's eyebrows narrowed and he glanced at Trapper. "Major Burns? I thought you guys hated him!"
"Well, we do." Hawkeye cast a look at Trapper. "That's why we need your help."
"But-."
"Trust me, Radar; this is for you as much as for us. Don't you remember all the times that Frank called you a worm and a weasel?"
"Not to mention a pipsqueak." Trapper added.
Radar sighed. "Boy, I sure do. I had no idea a guy could be so mean!"
"So will you help us out?"

"I don't know. What do you need?"
"A chopper for starters."
"A chopper? Are you crazy? Those are for transporting the injured!"
"We're aware of that, Radar. But we have to have a chopper for this to work!"
"Come on Radar. Help us, please." Trapper begged.
"Well…"
"It's going to be worth your while, I promise."

"How can you be so sure?"
"I'm willing to bet that after this, Frank will never bother you again!"
"Colonel Blake is going to be plenty upset!"
"Are you kidding? This is for him!"
"It is? I thought it was for Major Burns."
"Well, it is, but it's a present for Henry as well. After all, we're pretty sure that he's still sore about losing his desk."
"Are you kidding? It's all he talks about, how he felt when he saw his desk flying away."
"Well, after this, he'll forget all about that."
"You think so?"
"I know so."
"So are you in, Radar?"
Radar sighed. "I guess so."
Trapper and Hawkeye cheered and kissed Radar's cheeks, making the corporal squirm.
"Come on, cut it out! So what do we do now?"

Hawkeye sat down on the desk and grabbed a pencil and a piece of paper. "Here's how it's going to work."

(A week later)

"Hey Frank, wake up!"

Frank turned on his cot and groaned. "Come on Margaret, just five more minutes!"

Trapper and Hawkeye burst out laughing. Startled, Frank bolted upright and glared at them. "What's so funny?"

"It's time to get up, Frank." Trapper laughed.

"That's what you think! It's not even-." He looked at his watch. "-6am! Why should I get up? I didn't hear any choppers." His eyes narrowed. "Hey, wait a minute. What are you ignoramuses up to?"

"Nothing. We just thought you'd want to get up early and-."

"Actually…" Hawkeye interrupted. "There's something we would like for you to see, outside."

Trapper stifled a grin.

"Oh, I'm not falling for that. What are you pinheads up to?"

"He's onto us, Hawk." Trapper shrugged.

"Yeah, I guess he is. But there really is something rather unique outside. We just thought you'd like to see it."

"He's too smart for us, Hawk.

"You're right. But it's too bad. Boy, what's outside is really something to see, don't you think so, Trap?"

"Yeah, it really is. But we respect you, Frank."

"What a joke!" Frank shot back.

"No, really, Frank! It's a new invention and we wanted your opinion, but I guess…"

"Wait, you wanted my opinion? Really?"

"It's no big deal. Just go back to bed."

Frank grinned. "You want my opinion, huh? Well, in that case… Where is this… invention?"

"Get dressed and come outside." Hawkeye instructed. He and Trapper scrambled to change their clothes and raced outside.

"This had better be good!" Frank yelled from inside the tent.

Trapper and Hawkeye looked at each other and laughed. "Oh, it will be good. He can count on that!"

Radar was waiting when they reached the middle of the camp."

"Where is it?" Hawkeye asked.

"It'll be here in a minute. Boy, if Major Burns finds out what you're up to, he's really gonna be sore."
"I wouldn't worry too much about that. Now, go and make the announcement and I'll get Frank out here, somehow."
"All right. Boy, I hope I don't get in trouble for this. Colonel Blake is going to be so mad."
"That's why we're not going to tell him."
"But he's gonna know when he sees…"
"Radar, the announcement?"
"Oh, right. Okay, I'll be right back."
He raced into the office and a few seconds later Radar's voice resonated over the loudspeaker.
"Attention all personnel. All personnel report to the middle of the camp immediately by order of… well, just do it, okay? And Colonel Blake, if you're listening, don't come. "

A steady trickle of personnel, all of them dressed in green appeared in the center of the camp.
"What's going on?" was the most common question followed by a dozen more, all of them speaking at once.
"What gives?" Klinger asked. "I was having the best dream ever! I dreamt I got out of this place!"
"I'd like to know that too." Colonel Blake said.

"You had a dream where you got out of this place too?" Klinger asked.
"No, Klinger, I mean-never mind that! What's this about my not being invited to this…whatever it is?"

Hawkeye froze. "Colonel Blake. What are you doing here?"
Radar came running toward them.
"Radar, what is wrong with you? Can't you follow instructions?"
"But Trapper, you said-."
"Never mind that! Just… is everything ready?"
"Yes. It should be here in a minute."

"Is what ready?" Blake asked.

"Attention, everyone!" Hawkeye shouted through the megaphone. "Thank you for coming to this… historic event!"
"What historic event? Hawkeye what is going on?" Blake demanded.

"You'll see." Hawkeye replied. He put the megaphone down and glared at Radar. "What's wrong with you, saying Blake's name over the loudspeaker to tell him not to come?"
"Well, you said not to tell him and once he heard the announcement you know he's going to come running. He's the CO after all."
"What's going on, Pierce? I know that you and McIntyre are behind this… whatever it is."
"I'm going back to bed." Frank snapped. "This is ridiculous. There's nothing here!"
"There will be."
Suddenly the sound of a chopper grew closer and closer.
"Well, it's too bad your… whatever this is… isn't going to work. There's a chopper which means-."
Hawkeye looked at everyone who scrambled around and he picked up the megaphone.
"Attention everyone! There are no wounded in this chopper! Stay where you are!"

Everyone froze.

"This will only take a few moments and believe me it will be worth your time!" Hawkeye shouted.
The chopper floated to the ground and when the blades stopped turning, Radar ran toward the pilot, and thanked him profusely. Trapper and Hawkeye followed suit.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" The pilot asked. "Seems like you could get into a lot of trouble. And so could I for that matter."
"I promise you won't get into any trouble. I'll cover for you." Hawkeye assured him. "And as for myself and Trapper, don't worry. This will be worth it."
"Okay, so what do you want me to do now?"
"Just hang tight and we'll do the rest. I'll let you know when it's okay to leave."
"Are you sure this is safe?"
"Who cares?" Trapper said. "It's gonna be great!"

"Hawkeye, what is this?" Colonel Blake asked, startling Hawkeye with his sudden appearance.
"Um, nothing, Colonel. This doesn't concern you." Trapper replied.
"Doesn't concern me? Like heck it doesn't! I'm the CO of this outfit, so as far as I'm concerned everything concerns me! And on that note, what I say goes!"
"Speaking of going-." Hawkeye started.
"Is this going to take much longer?" Frank asked.
"We're almost ready, Frank. Just have a seat right here." Hawkeye gestured to a chair that sat a few feet away from the chopper.
"Why? What is this?"

"It's something we rigged up for our more difficult patients. You know… the kind that won't sit still?"
Frank nodded. "Well, that certainly is a problem and something like this is needed around here. I'd be glad to test it out."
"Good."
"Have a seat, Frank."
Frank sat. "So how does this thing work?"
"Pierce, what in the name of all that's holy are you doing?" Blake demanded.
"Just a minute, Colonel. We need to get this ready." Hawkeye said. "Trapper, you start on that end, and I'll work on this side."
"Got it. Radar, give me a hand, will ya?"
They worked diligently, fastening clips and ropes to the chair in the most discreet fashion.

Margaret stormed out of her tent. "What's going on here?"
"Major Houlihan! How nice of you to join us!" Hawkeye said.
"You didn't answer my question! What's going on here?" She demanded.

"Keep your pants on! You'll see!"
Margaret glared at Trapper. "How dare you!"
Trapper glanced up and down Margaret's body, causing her to pull her pink robe close against her form.
"Well, keep your robe on, then!" he said, trying not to laugh.

"Are we ready?" Hawkeye asked.
"Ready sir." Radar replied.
"Ready, Trapper?"
"Ready!"
"Okay Frank, hold on tight. And make sure your seatbelt is fastened."

"Seatbelt? What you talking about? I don't have a-."

Hawkeye gave the pilot a thumbs up and the chopper slowly lifted off the ground. Seconds later, the chair that Frank was sitting in left the ground.
"HEY! WHAT IS THIS? WAIT! WHERE ARE YOU TAKING ME?" he screamed. He was clutching the chair so hard his fingers turned pink.
Margaret was screaming as well. "What are you doing? Where's he going?"

Hawkeye and Trapper fell on the ground in a fit of laughter and Radar did the same.
Blake stared at the sky, shading his eyes from the sun. "I don't believe it. I just don't believe it."
The chopper was going higher and higher and Frank's screams were softer, but the laughter of everyone at the 4077 was overwhelming, mixed with cheers and applause.
Father Mulchaey marked his chest with the sign of the cross. "Dear God…"
Margaret was still yelling. "I'm coming, darling! I'm coming!"
"We did it." Hawkeye said. "I can't believe it, but we actually did it!"

Blake appeared beside him. "Pierce, I want to talk to you. You and McIntyre."
"You're gonna want to talk to me too, Sir." Radar said.
"Radar, you don't have to-."
Blake put his hands on his hips. "All right, what's the meaning of this?"

Hawkeye looked into the sky, just as the chopper fell out of sight. "It was just a joke sir. I'm sorry. We went too far this time. But you have to admit he had it coming."

Hawkeye prepared himself for the worst. But then he realized that the worst (being kicked out of the army) would be the best thing ever. However, it wasn't fair to Radar. The kid was one of a kind. It would kill him to be kicked out. What would his mother and Uncle Ed think?

"Look, the fault was-."
Blake started to laugh. He laughed softly at first, but within seconds he was laughing so hard that he doubled over, clutching his stomach.
Radar looked at him worriedly. "Sir, are you all right?"
When Blake caught his breath, he stood. "Pierce that was the best prank I've ever seen in my life! And you're right. Frank deserved it! And you deserve something special in return."
"Actually it was Radar's idea."
Radar's eyes widened. "It was?"
"Sure, don't you remember coming to us asking us to help you get revenge on Frank because he called you a little weasel one too many times?"
Radar yelled in surprise when Blake grabbed him in a bear hug and kissed his cheeks. "Radar I love ya! What can I do to reward you?"
"Well, I…"
"How about a weekend in Tokyo? Or Seoul?"
"Well… I…"
"Oh heck, I'll give you both. But I can't let you take both at the same time, all right? I mean, we need you here, but… Boy that was a heck of a prank. But… Frank's gonna be mighty upset when he gets back. Um, he is coming back, isn't he?"
"Unfortunately, yes. He'll be fine, trust me." Hawkeye said.
"But how am I going to explain to General Hammond-."
"You won't have to. I'll take care of it." Hawkeye reassured him.

"All right. Well, Radar, where do you want to go first?"

"Um, hang on a second, sir."

"Never mind, we'll discuss it later."

"Everyone is dismissed!" Hawkeye said into the megaphone.

(Later that day)

"There you go, Radar. A three day pass to Seoul. And when you're ready, I'll give you a three day pass to Tokyo. Boy, you deserve it."
Radar smiled proudly. "Thank you, sir. I really appreciate this, but can I ask you a favor?"
"Anything. Just name it."
"Can I get two passes to Seoul?"
Blake smiled slyly. "Oh, I know that look, Radar. You want to take a nurse with you, huh? Well, in that case, I'll be happy to give you another pass. But can I ask who you're taking?"
"I'd rather not say, sir. Thank you."
"My pleasure!"

Radar ran out of the office toward the Swamp. He knocked on the door and went inside.
"Radar my friend! You were wonderful! When are you leaving for Seoul?" Hawkeye asked.
"I'm not, sir. You are."
"Me? What are you talking about?"
"You and Trapper."
"Why us?"

"Well, you guys are the ones who put this whole thing together. I just got the chopper."
"You really want us to have these?" Trapper asked.
"And when you're back from Seoul and you're ready for Tokyo, just let me know and I'll get an extra pass."
"Won't Blake figure out what you're doing?"
"Are you kidding? He's so happy that Major Burns is gone for a while, he doesn't care about anything like that."
Radar braced himself for Hawkeye's hugs and even more from Trapper.

"Cut it out, guys!"
"Thanks again, Radar!" They called to him as he left the tent. But he stood at the door and smiled when he heard them yell;

"We're going to Seoul!"

He worried about what would happen when Frank returned. He was going to be furious. But then he realized that with guys like Colonel Blake, Trapper and Hawkeye on his side, he didn't need to worry. Those guys were the best.

~Fin~