Welcome to the Borderlands: Teaser One-Shot

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We see a small yellow robot with a glowing blue eye roll into the middle of an empty soundstage being filmed on camera. This was Claptrap, the main one at least.

He yelled, "Steve? Steve! Where the f&×k are you?!"

A voice rang out, "Heyoooo!"

Steve walked over, wearing a dark green and gray bandit outfit.

Claptrap said, "there you are! Where the f$~k have you been?! I've been looking all over for ya!"

Steve said, "heyooo…."

Claptrap said, "I said no more f$÷~ing coffee breaks until we finish filming this f%$&ing scene for the story! Now, where the Hell are Lilith and Roland? This love scene for The Zombie Island Of Doctor Ned ain't gonna film itself!"

Steve said, "heyo."

Claptrap yelled, "rewrites? REWRITES?! Who the f&~k- give me the f%$+ing script!"

Steve handed Claptrap the script.

Claptrap read through it and yelled, "what the Hell?! They cut the love scene!? Great, so I spent all that time watching f$~¿ing p0rn as research for nothing! Ugh…. Let's see what other things they've changed…. Let's see…. Cut out several side missions…. Completely rewriting the events of NTOTB…. Reworked plot for 3…. Abridged side missions…. Who…. Who the f$ is 'Owen Cyberhand?'"

Steve explained, "heyo…."

Claptrap yelled, "a new original character? What the f%$k! So I don't get shit to do until my DLC and the Pre-Sequel, but this schmuck gets to join the main cast? F%¡k! This sucks! Sigh…. At least they didn't cut my sex scene with Moxxi."

Steve then quickly pointed at another page of the script.

Claptrap looked over it and yelled, "YOU GOTTA BE-!"

….

An announcer suddenly began to speak within a black void.

"Coming soon to this and other sites..."

Welcome to the Borderlands!

"A retelling of almost all the Borderlands games!"

Starring: Owen "Cyberhand", the Cy-barian.

"His real name is Owen Craterhole. Owen is the main original character who teams up with each team of Vault Hunters in the games. He has short black hair, green eyes and pale skin. He dresses like the Mojave Manhunter from a Fallout 4 mod, minus the mask, and is extremely adept with machines of all kinds. His backstory; he grew up working on machines with his dad on the moon of Elpis in the family business; Craterhole Mechanics. As Owen grew older, he became an amazing mechanist who came to Pandora to seek fortune as a Vault Hunter..."

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Claptrap, back on the soundstage, holds up a sign that reads, "this is a teaser story, meant to foreshadow the real story. It's technically a separate story from the real one."

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"First we get the events of Borderlands 1, where five Vault Hunters come to Pandora in search of the legendary Vault. Lilith, one of six Siren's in the universe. Roland, a gruff soldier. Mordecai, a Sniper with a pet bird named Bloodwing. And Brick, the loveable dumb muscle. Owen comes to Pandora alongside Roland, Lilith, Mordecai and Brick. Unlike many of the other characters, he is actually nice to Claptrap."

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Claptrap yelled, "thank God!"

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"Next are the events of Borderlands The Pre-Sequel: Taking place in-between 1 and 2. The Pre-Sequel goes into the origins of the 2nd games villain, Handsome Jack, back when he was a low level programmer with good intentions. Owen decides to take the job working with Jack to open the vault with a new group. Athena, a former Atlas assassin who was tricked into killing her sister, who meets her future wife, Jamie Spriggs, on Elpis. Wilhelm, a bloodthirsty cyborg merc who wants to become a robot. Nisha, a sadistic cowgirl who eventually dates Jack. Timothy, Jack's doppelganger who is much less coocoo then Jack. Aurelia Hammerlock, an eccentric Hunter who goes on to be evil during Borderlands 3, (which I'm gonna change). And good ol' Claptrap."

….

Claptrap said, "aw, thanks."

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"While Owen gets along with Athena, Claptrap, Timothy well, and Aurelia a little, he ends up butting heads with Nisha and Wilhelm numerous times. In the game itself, an AI you befriend named Felicity is forced to basically kill herself to create an army of robots to help the team. In my story, Owen is able to copy Felicity's AI onto a small robotic device, and she becomes his companion from then on. During the DLC called The Claptastic Voyage, where they go into Claptrap's mind, and at the end, Jack betrays Claptrap, shooting him and destroying his entire product line."

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Claptrap said, "we better use green screens for that!"

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"This makes Owen, Athena and Aurelia cut ties with him. Owen goes to find Claptrap and ends up fixing him with help from Aurelia's brother, Alister Hammerlock, as the small group end up working together for a while.'

….

Claptrap said, "eh, happy ending at least."

Steve nodded and said, "heyo."

Claptrap yelled, "shut up, Steve!"

….

"Next we get the events of Borderlands 2: a new team of Vault Hunters is lured to Pandora by Jack, and are nearly killed, but survive thanks to being found by Claptrap and Owen. These new hunters are Axton, a former Dahl commando. Maya, another Siren with amazing abilities. Salvador, a short man with a love for guns. Zer0, a mysterious assassin that speaks in haiku. Kreig, a psycho with a split personality. And Gaige, a cyborg high school girl. Owen accompanies Axton, Maya, Salvador, Zer0, Krieg and Gaige on their journey after he and Claptrap find them in order to stop Jack, as well as Nisha and Wilhelm.*"

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Claptrap said, "let's hope they do..."

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"After that, Tales from the Borderlands: Owen is hired alongside Athena to protect two of the main characters, Fiona and Sasha, con-artist sisters, and he ends up going after Mordecai and Brick during the 3rd episode of the game to find out why Lilith wanted Athena. The reason being to find out her involvement with Jack. Owen shows up to stop Lilith from killing Athena, and is able to succeed. He returns with Zer0, Athena and Claptrap after they're hired near the end to help the group to open the Vault of the Traveller."

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Claptrap said, "yay! I got more screen time!"

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"And then we get Borderlands 3: Owen shows up with Lilith to help near the beginning, and is assigned to help the new team of Vault Hunters to stop the Calypso Twins, a pair of Siren twins who've started a cult to try and open The Vault of the Destroyer. The new hunters are: Zane, a cyborg who can clone himself. Amara, another Siren with cool powers. Moze, a commando with a huge mecha called Iron-Bear. And FL4K, a robot who trains dangerous animals as pets. This part of the story has various changes from the original. First off, an added Vault Hunter later on. Fiona from Tales of the Borderlands! Second, one part of the story will use the director's cut version of a certain death scene in the game, since the original version sucks. Three, the Calypso twins won't be as annoying. Four, Aurelia turns out to be a double agent working for the Crimson Raiders to get close to the twins and learn their secrets. Five, new character Ava will be WAY less annoying than the original. Six, Owen throws VR-0N1CA, a rebuilt CL4P-TP unit, out of the airlock after she rejects Claptrap."

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Claptrap said, "wow. I'm liking this Owen guy more and more."

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"And finally, we get New Tales from the Borderlands: This game sucks. It's a horrible sequel. So, this story follows a completely different story to the real game. Set about a year after Borderlands 3, weapon manufacturer Gearbox has begun invading the planet Promethea. The story only follows that starting point, and has a much different plot. Either A: We follow Anuradha Dhal, an altruistic scientist working on starting up a company meant to help people like Atlas, and her brother Octavio, who wants to be famous. Anu ends up befriending a psycho named Stapleface, who joins her on her journey. They and Francine Miscowicz, the owner of a frozen yogurt store who uses a hoverchair for mobility, since most of her shop was destroyed and made her lose the loss of her legs, accidentally get caught up in the Gearbox invasion, as a woman named Susan Coldwell has recently taken over the company and turned it into a dangerous threat. The invasion leads them to Owen, Fiona, Diamond Danielle and a robot LOU13, who are working with Rhys, another main character in Tales from the Borderlands 1, who started the company Atlas back up years ago, to take down Gearbox. The group soon ends up finding a vault key that could lead them to a treasure capable of stopping Coldwell. A shard that can heal anyone. The CEO's change to Rhys, Jakobs, Naoko Katagawa, Mr. Blake and Anton Smith. Or B: an Atlas employee steals the chip containing Handsome Jack's AI copy, leading to Rhys hiring Fiona, Owen, Diamond Danielle and LOU13 to either get the chip back or destroy it if they need to."

...

Claptrap said, "either of those sound a lot better than the real story of that game..."

"And a big thing we thought of doing; we are hoping to include Asha from the comics."

Steve asked, "heyo?"

Claptrap said, "a Siren from the comics. Well, we'll probably have to change her backstory a bit..."

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"The main romances are as follows..."

Claptrap holds up a hand-written lost of the romances withing the story.

Roland x Lilith

Krieg x Maya

Rhys x Sasha

Hammerlock x Wainwright

Timothy x Moxxi or Devon Craterhole (Owen's dad) x Moxxi

Handsome Jack x Nisha

Maybe Moze x Amara

Maybe Zer0 x Lorelai

"Available romantic partners for Owen are currently as follows: Fiona, Lorelai, Tannis, Moze, Amara, Captain Scarlett, Asha/Tate and Diamond Danielle."

Claptrap said, "and remember, read Welcome to the Borderlands when it comes out- AAAAH!"

He was tackled by a Skag off-screen.

Steve turned to the viewers and said in a British accent, "until then, have a great day/night and stay safe…. I mean…. HEYOOO!"

...

And here we have a one-shot meant to announce Welcome to the Borderlands! A big retelling of the games. It plays out almost like an ad on TV.

Vote on my newest poll to help decide Owen's love interest!