Amanda Rollins stands on the small stage of the lecture hall. She's busy explaining to the fifty plus students that there is a difference between a sociopath and a psychopath.
Her class listens, enraptured. They can't take their eyes off her. Amanda's hands move like a symphony conductor, but instead of musical notes, she's guiding words into ideas.
It's her last class of the day and she is very much looking forward to heading home right after. Sonny promised her that tonight he'd be home early and planned to make her eggplant parmigiano….her favorite.
One of the doors in the back of the hall opens. At first, she thinks it's just one of her students showing up late. Just when she's about to chastise them for missing the first twenty minutes, she sees who it is. She stops mid-sentence. The man who entered raises his eyebrows in shock as he takes in her full form.
Amanda's hands reflexively move to cradle her swollen belly. She shrugs an apology at her former sergeant and smiles at him.
The surprise that Amanda Rollins stands there very pregnant shows in his dropped jaw but it only stops him for a few seconds.
Fin Tutuola quickly recovers and walks straight up to the stage. His face gives nothing away, and Amanda glances up at all the curious expressions on the faces of her students. Wondering who this guy is to interrupt their favorite class. Then she leans down a little.
"This can't wait"? She covers the mike attached to her collar and grins at him before standing up to address the class. "Guys, this is the illustrious Sergeant Tutuola you've all heard so much about". Amanda had told plenty of stories that included Fin over the past months since she'd begun teaching at Fordham. Fin walks up all four steps to join her.
"Seriously, Fin…..I'm right in the middle of class here".
Fin looks down at her belly, the way she's holding it….so protective.
"Amanda. I gotta…We need to"...he remembers there's a room full of students staring up at them. He turns to face them, reaching for Amanda at the same time.
"Class is ending early today". His command is serious but the students look around at each other, and none of them move.
The smile fades from Amanda's face and a chill goes up her spine. She pulls away so Fin can't touch her arm.
"Tell me". But inside, her soul is screaming for him to keep his mouth shut.
"Go on". He turns and tells the class to leave again.
Amanda's completely thrown off her game. She's petrified about the words that are about to come out of his mouth and her lip starts to tremble. How many times has she had to be the one to do this…..show up at someone's job…..and tell them…..
Her students don't know what to do.
"Um, it's uh, it's okay everyone. I'll send you my notes, and we can….we'll"...but she can't finish her sentence. Finally they stand and start gathering backpacks and laptops.
"Fin. Tell me right now".
He turns back from the kids, hesitates and motions to her belly. "You're preg"-
"Fin"!
This isn't private enough….. He doesn't wanna be doing this here…..or anywhere. Most of the students are still standing there, they know something's terribly terribly wrong.
"Amanda". He reaches to take her hands and tears fill her eyes, spilling down her cheeks before he can even get the words out. There's no way Fin would be here unless it was bad. She absolutely refuses to think about the real reason the NYPD would send Fin to her and she starts shaking her head. No, something must've happened to Oliva…that is devastating still. She's been meaning to reach out for weeks…months even. But stuff happens….and she must've just gotten injured….that damn ankle of hers. She never rested enough for that to heal properly…..
"Is it…is it Liv"? Fin can't look her in the eyes and he doesn't answer her at first. He just squeezes her hands.
"Amanda…..I'm so sorry….it's"-
She lets out a sob and starts shaking her head.
"No…no…Don't you say it Fin! It's not him! He is fine"! She jerks her hands away from Fin and holds her belly again. The shaking starts, and she's hyperventilating.
Any kids who were left in the aisle freeze in place. The room is silent but for her gasps for air and her screams of denial.
Fin holds her by the shoulders, he's gotta be the strong one here.
"Amanda. Listen to me. There was a bomb at the courthouse…..the whole building collapsed and"...
"No…no…no…no". Amanda's eyes are shut and she's shaking her head at him.
"Sonny and Liv were down in the basement…..they're trying but…..Amanda…..they don't believe it's possible for anyone to have survived"...
Sonny…..Amanda chokes on a sob the second his name leaves Fin's lips and her knees start to give out. Fin has never referred to Dominick Carisi by his nickname. Not once in the 10 years he's known him. That means he truly thinks Sonny is.… she shakes her head. It's not real….it's not real. It can't be real…..She barely hears the rest of what he says.
Her knees do give out and Fin catches her. Two of her students rush to the stage but Fin holds a hand up and tells them it's okay….. he's got her. But she's losing it, and tries to struggle out of his grip.
"You take me to him, Fin! I mean it"! She's shaking, adrenaline coursing through her veins but she knows down to her very soul that she has to get to where he is.
Sonny is not dead.
If the love of her life were not on this earth anymore, Amanda would know it.
She has to convince them there's no way Sonny Carisi would die on her. Not now! They have a whole life ahead of them…..and there's no way he'd die before meeting his son. No fucking way.
Not to mention….Olivia Benson? No way is she allowing this. By sheer force of will that woman will survive.
"You take me to him right… fucking.. now"!