"Does it…..does the air feel…thinner"?
Sonny looks over at Olivia. She sounds a little shaky, and he wants to reassure her. And maybe himself too. It's been about twelve hours since he woke up into this nightmarish world.
"I think it's okay. It's just that the dust has settled…..I'm sure air is getting through, even if it's just the smallest cracks. Besides….if it wasn't we'd be"...
He knows if there was no air flow at all, they would've probably passed out already. It didn't make the situation any less dire. Twelve hours in and they'd heard nothing. Tried tapping on the steel beam, but when they never got a response, they quit. Every time Carisi's keys hit the steel, it was like something shifted above them bringing more dust down. Other than that it was quiet. Eerily quiet.
Even the faint sirens they heard had stopped. Cell phones were useless, unless you counted the number of times Sonny pulled up his photo app and scrolled.
Videos of Amanda, of the girls, his girls. Most recently moving into their new place. A happy life, finally fulfilled.
He stops on the last video he took of Amanda. She was in the nursery. Standing over the crib folding a baby blanket Mia had knitted for the baby. Sonny set the phone down in the crib. His arms slipped under hers and from the upwards angle, you could see Amanda lift her head so he could kiss her neck. She smiled and reached up to cup his face. They stood there for a good thirty seconds just holding each other. Eyes closed, breathing in sync. If he closes his eyes right now, he can still smell her. Honeysuckle and orange flower, fresh and feminine, and it was…..everything. He fell asleep to that scent every night. It clung to the pillow she slept on, and his skin when they'd spend all night wrapped up in each other.
What if he never gets to….no he pushes that thought aside. Things aren't so bad, they have air and they have water. Surely it's just a matter of time and he'll be back home with his girls.
Olivia nods her agreement. They're both trying to stay positive. They spent the first couple hours waiting for the dust to clear. Carisi propped the broken table up on one of the larger concrete boulders and they both sat across from each other. Carisi found a couple protein bars in his briefcase (more of Amanda's doing. She was worried he wouldn't take time to eat lunch) and Olivia had a tin of altoids and some gum in her purse. Between that, and the water jug…..they'd be okay in here…. for a while.
Sonny stands up, trying to stretch one leg without injuring the other one any further. For the umpteenth time his hand crosses over to tap his chest. Over his vest pocket.
"Carisi….are you sure you're not hurt"? Olivia asks, motioning to the hand he had resting over his heart.
"It's uh…no. I'm not hurt". He sits back down with a smirk and reaches in to pull out the photograph. It was supposed to be a secret. But God knows how long they were gonna be down here.
He stares down at the latest ultrasound photo of baby Rollins-Carisi. Ever since they got the first sonogram, Carisi had been carrying a photo of his son. Keeping it close. Right next to his heart.
He looks up at Olivia, and debates with himself for a few seconds. Amanda was going to kill him…he slides the photo over to his colleague….his former boss….his friend. Surely Amanda will understand.
They'd been down for what felt like an eternity already. About four hours in, Olivia started to cry. They'd just cleared some space and drank some water, and she broke down. Sonny held her in his arms. Walked her over to the one space on the floor they could both sit down, and just held her until she basically cried it out. She was so worried about Noah, about all the friends and coworkers they had no idea whether or not they were okay…..and she was worried about them. Their situation was very serious. They were trapped under tons of rubble. Sonny and Oliva both remembered 9/11, they pulled very few people out alive after the first few hours. When she woke up, she told him she was okay, she felt better, and they just sat there a while. Then he told her they needed to keep their strength up, so they both got up and sat down at the table to share one of the protein bars.
Oliva watches him, with a furrowed brow and reaches for her glasses. She picks up the photo and for a second or two she looks confused. But then her eyebrows raise up to her hairline and she gasps as her hand hits her own heart.
"Carisiiiiiiii! Oh my God! This is how you tell me"? She reaches across the table and grabs one of his hands.
"Don't tell Amanda I told you". His dimples are on full display as the smile takes over his entire face. "She wanted to tell you herself".
"Awwwww Sonny! I'm so happy for you….and for Amanda! Look at you guys! Oh my God, another baby"! She stares at the image and tears fill her eyes again, this time happy ones.
Don't tell Amanda…..Right now he'd give anything to see Amanda…..endure her annoyance with him for spilling the beans. Right now he was busy praying as he'd never prayed before that Amanda's last memory of him wasn't going to be him rushing out the door this morning to get to the courthouse on time. He'd given her a quick peck on the lips, pausing long enough to pull on the belt of her robe, exposing her belly just a little so he could place a kiss there too. Amanda ran her fingers through his hair and hummed before he stood back up and told her he'd see her tonight. Promised to be home early, make her dinner, so all she needed to do was go teach her one class and then she'd be all his to take care of.
"I just love her so much Liv…I never expected this…I was completely happy with just the four of us. Jesse and Billie asked if they could….if they could start callin' me dad after the wedding and it was truly….a dream come true. They are my girls. I never wanted anything more than that…..and then Amanda came to me….she was so nervous…..she showed me the pregnancy test and….I swear I didn't know it was possible to… love this much".
"You waited so long for this Carisi…and look at you now. Look at both of you". Liv kept her eye on the sonogram, and her hand over her heart.
"It's a boy". He smirks.
"A boy"! Liv laughs.
"I'm just…this is amazing….I'm just"...she puts one hand on his arm and gives it a squeeze. "I'm so happy for you"...she hands the photo back, and then stands up, puts her hands on her hips and looks up. She's breathing in and out and walks over to the wall. Carisi can sense she's holding something back. He's seen Rollins pull that maneuver out before. Control your breathing, control your emotions.
"Liv"...he tucks the photo back where it belongs, next to his heart.
"I'm fine". She waves him off.
"No you're not". He says, matter of factly, and Olivia turns to give him one of her signature side eye glances.
"We're not goin' anywhere anytime soon…..c'mon. Tell me. Is it….. Noah"? She shakes her head and waves him off.
"Ohhhh. It's him….Stabler".
This time she turns sharply and starts to object….Liv opens her mouth, but then shuts it again. She returns to her chair and sits down. Deep sigh.
"I am so happy for you, Sonny. And for Amanda. I love you both….and I know how much the two of you deserve to be happy"...she pauses.
"But"...he motions for her to go on, leaning back as much as he can trying to get comfortable. He winces when he stretches his legs out.
"No buts. That's the truth"...she nods and takes a sip of her share of the water. "When Amanda told me that the two of you were…..involved. I could not have been any happier for my friends to finally admit they belonged….to each other…well….By then I had my suspicions of course…..You were both just over the moon happy literally all the time, and you never touched each other at work" She holds her hands up in emphasis.
"That was a dead giveaway". She laughs. "Before, people constantly asked me if the two of you were together, because you were always touching…..or standing too close. Suddenly you would leave six feet of space between you, and this was after Covid".
Carisi laughs. That had been an unconscious decision he made, because getting too close to her at work…..her scent….the heat of her touch….he worried everyone would see it…or that he wouldn't be able to control himself…..
"Amanda letting herself be….happy….trusting you to…..to not hurt her…..letting you in….it really affected me. I was thrilled for her…..but it made me realize how much I….I just"...Olivia's voice starts to break.
Carisi leans forward and gives her forearm a gentle squeeze.
"It's okay". He tells her.
She laughs through her tears. "It just made me realize that maybe I missed out on that….and maybe I wanted something like that….for myself".
He squeezes her arm again and nods.
"Look, I'm happy. I love my job, I have Noah, my friends…and I came close…with Ed….close to having someone like that, but then I blew it. I got scared and now….maybe it's too late".
Carisi shakes his head. "You haven't missed out on anything Liv. Maybe you're just like me. A late bloomer".
She laughs again and swipes away the tears. "A late bloomer huh".
"I don't know what else you call it. I waited until I was almost forty to get the career I really wanted…and I was over forty by the time Amanda and I got our shit together and admitted we were crazy in love with each other". He laughs.
"You didn't become a mom until you were"...he trails off and Olivia gives him a warning look he's seen plenty of times before. That makes him laugh again.
"So now….maybe it's time for you to…see where this thing with Stabler goes"...
She sniffles and nods her head.
"You deserve to be happy Liv".
She smiles and moves to hold his hand.
Above them, something shifts, and they see dust fall from the broken ceiling.
"Oh God…..Is it…..collapsing"? She asks, squeezing his hand tight.
Carisi stands up and pulls Liv toward the nearest wall, praying this isn't the end.