"Come on Liv. I need you here. I need ta…before this", he motions around them, "before all this gets…. too bad…..I gotta do this". Carisi pleads with her.
"We can"...he motions to her cell phone. "Do one for you too….for Noah".
It's been days now. Their water is almost gone. The last mint was consumed this morning. They still had air but…it was starting to look like they may not be rescued in time. Carisi isn't giving up, but if worse does come to worst…..Sonny needs to do this, and he's gotta do it now. Before the lack of water starts to make him look…..he just wants Amanda to see him how she remembers him.
He knows exactly how Amanda is going to feel…how she might already be feeling right now. If their positions were reversed….he doesn't know how he'd be able to go on in a world without Amanda Rollins in it. He came close to losing her last summer. Nothing in his life scared him as much as those few hours where they weren't sure if she was gonna make it through the surgery to repair damage caused by the bullet that ripped through her.
He's gotta make this…..easier somehow for Amanda if…..if he can't come home to her….if he never gets to meet his son. Just thinking about it turns his stomach. But he's already got three days of an unshaven beard, his hair must look like a mess. He needs to do this before his phone dies….before…...
"We are gonna get through this Sonny". Olivia runs her fingers through her hair then along her thighs. "We don't have to…you don't need to do that".
Sonny runs his fingers through his own hair, turns the light so it's facing the one wall that doesn't look like a disaster area.
He hops over to Liv and hands her his phone before he moves the chair. Leaning on it with each step. He can no longer bear weight on his one leg. Despite his best attempts to keep it clean, he's pretty sure the scratch in his leg is infected. The bone wasn't broken, but he's got a pretty big lump, the bruise is bad, and the skin around the cut is red and heated.
Liv's in better shape than he is. Other than being hungry, and tired, and desperate to get out of here, she escaped the collapse pretty much unscathed.
He sits down in the chair. "Hey, do me a favor….dont' uh….don't get the leg in the shot". He motions down to his injured leg. His expensive tailored suit is in ruins, and the red stains will certainly defeat the purpose here to make Amanda understand that he's…ok. Even if he doesn't make it home to her…...
Olivia sighs, he's given her no choice. How can she not do this for him? Sonny has kept her from going crazy these last three days. Kept her sane. Making her laugh, playing endless games of tic tac toe in the layer of dust that seemed to cover everything, she doesn't know how she would've done this alone.
"Okay. Okay. But you're not going to need this. Any minute now…they'll come through the ceiling, and you can just delete it".
He nods. He's buttoning his shirt up, putting the tie back on, trying to look as presentable as he can.
"Okay. I'm ready".
Liv zooms in, enough that you can't even tell they're stuck under a thousand pounds of rubble. Carisi just looks a little tired, maybe a little pale. Definitely needs a shave.
She hits the record button and nods.
Sonny looks straight at the camera and gives it one of his signature smirks. Olivia smiles.
"So…..if you are seeing this Amanda….it means…..well, it means Liv and I….. didn't make it out of here". The smile falters just a little as he meets Olivia's eyes for a second. Liv looks down and sees the screen blur as she tries to hold back tears.
"But I want you to know…..I'm not alone. And I'm not….I'm not scared. Neither of us is in any pain, and when it happens…we're probably just going to fall asleep…..and not wake up. And I know my last thoughts"...his voice cracks but he keeps going. "I know I'm gonna fall asleep thinking of you Amanda Rollins. And that's what's gonna give me comfort".
Sonny chuckles a little.
"For years before you kissed me….I'd fall asleep on a hope…..that someday you and I would be"...he pauses, and shakes his head. "And now…..we are….Amanda Rollins…I've never loved…. anyone as much as I love you. I need you to know that you've made me happier than I've ever been. The last two years….it's been a dream come true. That you love me…..and let me love you….Not many people get to have even one moment…one second of that kind of love 'Manda. And you and I…..we're lucky…..we got years". He pauses and clears his throat. Looks at the ground to regain his composure. He looks back up at the camera, eyes full of tears.
"I pray you never have to see this…and I just wish.…..I wish I got to meet our son".
Off camera a sniffle could be heard. Olivia tried to suppress it, but this was all just too much.
He was breaking her heart. He kept going.
"I know our children are going to have a great life. With an….amazing mother who loves them as fiercely as I do. My son…..my son is going to have two older sisters, just like I did. Sisters who will play with him", Sonny chuckles, "probably torture him just a little bit….I can see it now, Jesse's gonna think of him as her own little doll…..but they're protect him, and he'll treasure and adore them when he gets older.
"To my girls….Jesse and Billie". He chuckles. "My silly, sweet, beautiful girls…You made me a dad and you'll never know how much that means to me. I know you're gonna miss me…but try not to be sad…I am always gonna be there. You may not be able to see me…..but I'm always gonna be in your hearts and I want you to be good to your momma and your little brother and just love each other and always remember….how much I love you".
His voice cracks again. This was so much harder than he thought.
Sonny nods to Olivia to let her know he's done. He thinks she's cut the camera off and bursts into tears. Liv sets the phone down and rushes to him. She holds him much as he did for her. Wracked with sobs at the thought of never seeing Amanda and the girls again, never getting to see his son born…there isn't a strong enough word in any language to describe this pain.
As hard as it is, Olivia Benson makes a similar video for her son. They are both exhausted afterwards and want nothing but to sleep. Their phones are both nearly out of power, the flashlight seems to still have plenty of battery power but they turn it off in order to conserve. Just in case. Carisi gives her his jacket and recites the Lord's prayer as he and Olivia get comfortable next to each other on the dusty floor. Over the past few years his faith had been tested, but in this hour of need…..he did find comfort in it. He puts his arm around Olivia and they fall asleep not knowing the incredible force now at work to get them both out of there.