What Is Wrong With You, Morgause?!
In which Cenred has a post-battle talk with Morgause after the whole 'The Tears of King Uther' debacle.
Morgause: (pacing impatiently, mostly ranting to herself) I don't understand. How could we have lost? My plan was perfect! Uther was weak, his courtiers had lost faith in him and thought he'd lost his mind, and his son's never been tested on the battlefield…. We should have won!
Cenred: (Grouchily staring into a tankard of mead) Why don't you ask your so-called 'friend' behind the castle gates? (Glares pointedly at Morgause) I told you not to trust a traitor. If they're willing to turn for you, they can just as easily be persuaded to turn on you.
(Takes a long drink) Did I not mention that it's impossible to lay siege to a bloody citadel and expect to take it in a single day? (Mumbling under his breath) Any idiot would've known that.
Morgause: Not possible! I had everything planned out perfectly! The mistake had to have been something you did.
Cenred: (Rolls his eyes) Unbelievable. (Takes another drink) Not to be that kind of asshole, but were you raised to be an actual warrior? Taught from the age of, I don't know, seven in the art of leading armies and battlefield strategy?
Morgause: If you hadn't been such a coward and pulled your men out after things started going a little bit against us, we would have won!
Cenred: A little bit against us? We were being fucking annihilated! What part of 'Camelot is a very well-fortified citadel' did you not understand the first two times I pointed that out?!
Morgause: If Morgana and I hadn't-.
Cenred: Oh, here we go! (In a mocking tone) Morgana's special, Morgana's the real power in Camelot, I trust Morgana, she's the bestest little evilest sister ever (Finishes off his mead and belches). Can't you go one simple conversation without bringing her into it?
Morgause: It's not her fault the spell was interrupted! One of Arthur's servants decided to act all heroic and disrupted the flow of Magick-.
Cenred: (Pouring himself a second tankard of mead) Would it have killed you to, I dunno, have her smuggle a couple thousand of your precious and incredibly expensive mercenaries down into the catacombs? You two rely way too much on that sorcery shit. (Sighing heavily) I mean, fucking SKELETONS? Seriously?! I was putting thousands of lives on the line for you and your sister! Then you had the gall to tell me, as we're all limping our sorry asses back home in pissing cold rain, that your super-secret amazing 'army' was magically controlled SKELETONS! (Lets out a long and frustrated yell) God, that feels good to get off my chest.
Morgause: (Pouts and sits down to pour herself a tankard of Cenred's mead) The enchantment was foolproof. All she had to do was stick the staff in the ground, chant the activation spell, and make sure nobody disturbed the area. I mean, who the hell would think to look all the way down in the catacombs?
Cenred: Are you fucking kidding me? They. Were. Ske-le-tons. How in the hell did you expect them to do any damned thing but fall apart? There's no sinew, ligaments, or muscles to do… anything, let alone swing a sword at men in plate armor who were literally bred and trained for combat. I mean, come on, Morgause. I thought you were supposed to be smarter than that, at the very least.
Morgause: (Sulking in her chair) Now you're just being mean.
Cenred: Whatever. You and your witchy sister need to stay the hell out of my affairs of state. My army's spread thin enough as it is, and this little stunt of yours almost emptied my entire treasury. You two can keep waving your wands and whatever, just please keep me the fuck out of it next time. (Stares depressingly into his tankard) I need another pitcher of mead.