I know, I'm so mean!

Ch. 8 I Want You til the Day I Die

(CLARE)

I run out of Fitz's house in tears, but not wanting Fitz to find me I run down alleys and zig zag my way to the house. No one is home when I get there and I run up to my room. I close my door and sob on my bed, sometime later there's a knock on the door.

"Clare, I got your stuff from Fitz's house," Jake calls through the door.

When I don't answer he comes in and sets my stuff inside the door. He doesn't say anything and closes my door quietly, he must tell Mom I'm not feeling well because I never get called to dinner. I'm miserable and sobbing the rest of the night, I was sure that I was doing the right thing. After my dream last night, I thought about it all day. If Owen is angry that we're together then if I broke up with Fitz it would fix things. I knew I would be unhappy, but a friendship they've had most of their lives would be salvaged. I would no longer have the guilt of destroying their friendship.

I barely sleep and if I had any dreams I don't remember them. Jake gives me a sympathetic look in the truck on our way to school, but he doesn't say anything. I see Owen and Fitz's cars here when Jake pulls in. I don't even go to my locker, just straight to class. I sit down and text Jake asking if I can drop him at home and take the truck tonight. He says that's fine.

"Okay, what's going on?" Adam asks when he sits down in class.

"I broke up with Fitz," I sigh. No use hiding it I'm sure he'll find out soon especially because Fitz and Drew have three classes together.

"Why? You guys were so happy together," Adam comments.

"Owen and Fitz need to repair their friendship; they can't do that if we're together."

"Clare," Adam groans. He doesn't say anything else though because more people are coming in.

I sit in class, but my mind is elsewhere, and I don't remember anything that Mr. Perino said. I'll have to ask Adam for the notes later, probably for all my classes. At least, in parenting we managed to get enough done that we can turn in our report. It's not as great as the other ones, but it's compete. Fitz and Owen come into class, but they still aren't looking at each other. Fitz and I will barely look at each other, we barely speak to each other and turn in our report. I eat lunch with Adam, Jenna and the others, though I don't eat much. Fitz seems to be eating with several members of the track and field team, and Owen is eating with the hockey team.

I don't see Owen or Fitz the rest of the day but meet Jake at his truck and we drive home. Then I take the truck and drive to the mall. I know I can't be pouty at work, so I force a smile on my lips. Chiara shows me some more things, and it is pretty busy with a lot of people coming in for ice cream. Whenever it's not busy and when I'm on break I have to tell myself to smile, to not think about Fitz or Owen. Work seems to drag on, though Drew comes in after I get back from break.

"Are you just at the mall or are you working?" I ask him.

"Working, my kiosk is just around the corner, I'm on lunch. Let me have a scoop of strawberry and Bianca said something about Italian waffle cookies," Drew comments.

"Oh, I actually know where those are," I remark. I leave the counter and walk to one of the shelves lining the walls grabbing the pizzelle from the shelf. Drew followed me, so he's standing right behind me when I turn around.

"Thanks," he says, taking the cookies. "So, if you and Fitz broke up, which was a mistake by the way, does that mean you're going to the dance with Owen?"

"I'm not going to the dance," I shrug as I go back behind the counter.

"What? You have to go to the dance Clare. Dress in a slinky dress and make Owen and Fitz jealous. Dance with every other stag guy there," Drew remarks while I hand him his ice cream.

"Drew, have you ever seen me in a slinky dress?" I question.

"Outside of my fantasies? No," he replies. I look up to scowl at him and tell him not to fantasize about me. However, he's got this adorable goofy grin on his lips and I can't help but laugh instead. "It'll be fun Clare, there will be lots of single guys there. We're renting a limo, come with us," Drew comments as I ring him up.

"Who is we?" I inquire, taking his money.

"Me, Adam and Eli," he responds.

"So, I'd be the seventh wheel, no thanks," I shake my head. I hand Drew his change and he puts the loonie in the tip jar.

"You'd be coming as our friend, and then Adam, Eli and I can personally approve every guy you dance with," Drew smirks.

"Will you get back to work?" I reply, rolling my eyes and shoving at him.

"You'll come right?"

"I'll think about it Drew."

He grins and leaves the store. Sadly, that interaction with Drew is the best part of my entire weekend. I spend the rest of it in my room, entirely miserable, except for eight hours on Sunday when I'm working. Drew isn't working and we're not that busy, which only gives me time to think. Eli, Adam, Drew, Jenna, and even Bianca bug me about coming to the dance until I finally give in. When mom sees me miserable on Saturday I tell her Fitz and I broke up, and that I don't want to talk about it. She gives me a sympathetic look, but that's about it, thankfully she doesn't press for details.

A large part of me is dreading seeing Fitz and Owen at school Monday. I see Owen in the hall, but he looks away from me. I don't see Fitz at all, he never even comes to parenting. Now I'm worried and I send him a text to see if he's okay.

Me: You're not at school, are you okay?

Fitz: Just not feeling well, I'll be in tomorrow.

I twist my mouth at the text, thinking he's avoiding us because I almost did the same thing. I hope he does come tomorrow. We get new packets and a report for the week, I email Fitz everything so we can get started on it. When class lets out for lunch I go after Owen and grab his arm. He looks at me arching an eyebrow but doesn't exactly look happy to see me.

"I broke up with Fitz," I tell him.

"Good," Owen says and walks off.

Now I'm feeling sick, I don't eat lunch and go to the library getting a start on my homework. I'm miserable for the rest of the day and that evening. Fitz is at school Tuesday, I don't see him until parenting which is just awkward. We get through class and get our work done, but we can hardly look at each other. I eat lunch with Adam and the others, Owen eats with the hockey team. I don't see Fitz eating lunch at all. I do see that Owen is still freezing him out and the hockey team are still being jerks to him.

It goes on all week and Friday Fitz doesn't come to school again. He doesn't even answer my texts today. We had all the work done for parenting/life econ but I still noticed his absence. Tonight is the dance, Jenna and Alli came to my house to get ready. Drew, Adam and Eli are getting ready at the Torres house. The limo will start there before picking up Jenna and I, Dave is picking Alli up in his car. Jake is going with friends and he'll be leaving soon.

"Do you have hairspray Clare?" Alli asks.

"Yeah, in the washroom," I reply. She opens the door as I sit on my bed to get my shoes on. I had already bought a silver satin dress for the dance, so I decided to wear it. I had matching silver sandals and my hair was done, I just needed makeup on.

"You girls look lovely," Mom says, appearing in my doorway. "Clare, I saw Mrs. Fitzgerald at the pharmacy. Why didn't you tell me about Fitz?"

"But, I did tell you Fitz and I broke up, last week," I reply looking at her. Before Mom can answer the doorbell rings.

"No Dear, why didn't you tell me Fitz was moving to Halifax," Mom says.

"Dave is here," Jake hollers up the stairs. I feel all the blood drain from my face and my heart stops. The thought of Fitz moving so far away has stolen all the breath from my body.

"Moving?" I hardly squeak out. I was fighting with the straps on my sandals but now all I can think is I need to see Fitz. I jump up and slip on my red ballet flats. "I need to go see Fitz," I say frantically.

"Dave's here, we'll take you," Alli offers.

"I'll tell the guys when they get here," Jenna says.

Alli and I grab our purses, Alli puts her coat on downstairs but I run out without my coat. My only thought is that I need to talk to Fitz, stop him somehow. He can't leave.

"Clare, where's your coat?" Dave calls as I run to his car.

"Change of plans, we need to get Clare to Fitz's house, like now," Alli comments, taking Dave's hand. I get in the back and tell Dave how to get to Fitz's house, the whole drive over I'm thinking what to say to him, how I want to yell at him. When we get there and I'm looking at his front door it all leaves my head.

"We'll wait here, go talk to him Clare," Dave encourages.

I get out of the car, go to the front door and pound on it until it opens. Fitz sees me and his eyes widen a little. I see him and I start crying.

"How could you move away? Were you going to leave without telling me?" I sob. Fitz doesn't say anything but does open the door a little more and step aside so I can come in. "You can't just move, you're leaving me."

"It's for the best, you've seen how it is Clare. We broke up and Owen is still ignoring me, I don't have my best friend any more than I did. What's worse is that I don't have you either. We can hardly look at each other, barely work together in class. You were right I can't go through the rest of the year like this, all of next year," Fitz says. His hands are in his pockets and he's looking at his shoes and not me.

"So, you're just running away?" I question and then the garage door opens. I turn away and wipe my eyes, so they won't see me sobbing.

"Oh, hi Clare. Honey don't take too long with Clare, we have an early flight tomorrow and we need to look at houses all day. It will be so good to start fresh," Fitz's mom says. Then she goes upstairs with a couple of boxes in her hands.

"This is for the best Clare; you'll find another guy and forget about me. My mom got a job offer in Halifax, head of the nursing staff, her boyfriend was offered a job too. I can start fresh, new school, new friends…"

"New girls, you're leaving me to find someone else and forget about me. I thought you loved me, that I was all you needed and you're leaving me," I wail. Before he can say anything I turn and run out the door and back into Dave's car. I said my piece and he seems determined to go, so what else can I do?

"Should we take you home?" Dave asks as he begins driving.

I almost say yes, but then I remember Owen, I need to yell at him too. After that I'll walk home for all I care at the moment. "No, take me to Owen's first please, I'll walk home from there."

"I'll swing by Owen's house, but I'm not letting you walk home, you didn't even have a coat when you left your house," Dave replies.

Dave parks at Owen's and I'm surprised that I don't see either of his parent's cars in the driveway. I get out and ring the doorbell until Owen answers the door, looks like he was getting dressed for the dance. He has his dress pants on and an undershirt, his dress shirt is on but the buttons are all open.

"Clare, what are you doing here? What's wrong?" Owen questions.

"I hope you're happy, he's leaving! He's running from both of us because you couldn't just be happy for us and be his friend. You insensitive selfish prick! You had to turn your back on him when he needed you, you had to be a total and complete jackass and make all your meat for brains jock friends bully him. You had to alienate him and scare me into breaking up with him, thinking if I did he'd at least have your friendship, but you couldn't even give him that and now he's leaving for Halifax tomorrow and we may never see him again. I can never forgive you for driving him away and any chance we had of being friends is gone!" I shriek at Owen, then to punctuate it I slap him across the face as hard as I can. The bright red mark left on his cheek when I'm done is satisfying.

Owen stands there but I don't wait for him to say or do anything. I hop back in the car, fighting back my tears and Dave starts driving again. I'm glad I said my piece to Owen, but I really don't feel any better. Fitz is still leaving and right now it's all I can think about.

"Should we go to the dance?" Dave asks slowly.

"To the dance, Clare needs her friends right now," Alli answers for me.

I don't feel much like going to the dance, but I don't feel like sitting home alone in my misery either. The only thing I'll be able to think about is Fitz leaving. That's probably all I'll be able to think about at the dance too, but at least there will be loud music and other people at the dance.

Dave parks at the school, when we get out of the car he puts his suit jacket on my shoulders, and I smile at him. Honestly, I haven't felt the cold yet, I've been so full of fear, sorrow and anger it's kept me from getting cold. We go inside and give our tickets to the niners manning the door. We find Drew, Bianca, Adam, Jenna, Eli and Imogen and sit at the table with them. I tell them what happened with Fitz and Owen, it brings the whole mood down and no one leaves the table. Even after I stop talking we all just sit there sulking at the table. We've been here at least half an hour and no one has danced yet.

"You know you guys don't need to babysit me, go enjoy the dance, I'll be okay," I assert. Nobody moves and they all give me a doubtful look. "Honestly, I'll be fine, I'll go find K.C. or Liam or someone to dance with," I insist.

Everyone still looks doubtful; nobody moves and so I get up. I walk to the punch table, there's a few kids over here but none I know very well. I do see everyone at my table finally get up and go to the dance floor. I start to get a plastic cup for punch when I see a shadow fall over me. I turn around to see Owen standing behind me, he looks at me and starts rubbing the back of his neck uncomfortably.

"Can we talk?" He questions but all I can do is glower at him. "Please Clare, come out to the hallway with me, I need to talk to you," he begs.

I give him a scrutinizing look before finally sighing with a nod. "Okay."

Owen takes my hand and takes me to the hallway. Then around the corner until we're away from all the noise and lights of the dance. It's quiet over here, and also dark, just enough light coming from the windows for me to see Owen's face.

"I'm sorry Clare, I never meant to hurt you. You were right, I was being selfish, really stupidly selfish. I wanted to work with Anya, even after Fitz picked your name and suggested we switch partners. I wanted to see if that spark was still there I guess. I don't know, but I did like spending the time with her and I should have told you. I cheated and when you caught me I knew I was still in love with you, and I was afraid I'd lost you. I didn't know how Fitz felt, I thought you were safe with him until I could win you back. Selfish. Then when you said we could be friends again I was sure I could win you back at the dance tonight. So, I planned a big public gesture because I knew you'd feel like you had to say yes or be labeled an ice queen. Selfish. When I saw you two together I felt so betrayed, like I was getting stabbed in the heart by two of the most important people in my life."

"We never meant to betray you. We couldn't help falling in love, I had no idea Fitz had felt that way about me for so long. I didn't know he felt that way at all, but when he confessed, when I found out I was really happy. Fitz made me feel really good, and when I found out he'd been in love with me since October I couldn't help being happy, and feeling that love for him in return. We didn't mean to hurt you Owen, we were trying to find the right time to tell you."

"I probably should have seen some signs of Fitz's true feelings, maybe I was blind to it. If I'd thought about it rationally I'd know you hadn't been out to hurt me, but I didn't and I was just angry. I wanted Fitz to hurt, the way I was, to force you two to break up so I could win you back. Selfish. I forced my teams to help me pester my best friend because I couldn't talk or just fight it out with Fitz. That's not even selfish that's just cruel. When I forced the breakup I wasn't even happy, I was too caught up in myself to talk to you, to either of you. I thought I'd give it a week, sweep you off your feet again, be friends with Fitz again and everything would go back to the way it was. I was only thinking of me. I was selfish again, seems like that's all I've been, and I was too caught up in myself to realize it. I rationalized it all and couldn't even see how I was hurting two of the people I care about most in this world. When you called me out tonight you were right about everything. When you told me Fitz was leaving I felt like my world dropped out from under my feet. He's my best friend, I don't want him to leave. I'm so sorry Clare, I should have talked to you, I should have done something."

I nod in acceptance of Owen's apology, but Fitz is still leaving. He's not even gone yet, and I feel this void in my life from his loss. I drop my head as tears begin to fall from my eyes.

"Thanks, but I'm afraid it's too little too late," I say between sobs. I can't even lift my head to look at Owen.

"Clare," Owen says but I can't look at him, I can't even see I'm crying so hard. "Clare," Owen says again but I shake my head.

"Clare."

I hear my name again, but this time it's not Owen's voice. I think my sorrow is making me hallucinate. I wipe my eyes and see Fitz walking toward us, he's wearing dark jeans, a dress shirt, jacket, and tie. I still think I'm hallucinating and he's not actually here.

"Fitz, man I'm so sorry, I was a complete jerk a…" Owen is saying when Fitz cuts him off.

"Forget it, we're cool, we both could have handled things better," Fitz smiles. While the guys embrace in a tight hug I'm still wiping tears from my eyes.

"I'm going to go find Anya, see if she wants to dance," Owen comments as he leaves the hallway.

"Did you come to kiss me goodbye?" I inquire. The refreshed thought of Fitz leaving floods my eyes with more tears. Fitz wipes them away and captures my lips for a soft kiss.

"I'm not moving. My mom heard us and after you left we had a talk about why I really wanted to move. I told her I was running so I wouldn't have to be around you or Owen. She told me I couldn't run and if I loved you I had to stay and fight for you. I really do love you Clare. I meant that," he says, stealing my lips for another kiss.

"I love you too," I reply with a relieved smile. I stand on my tiptoes and grip his shirt, my arm going around his neck sealing our lips in a fiery kiss.

(FITZ)

When Clare pulls out of the kiss her lips are swollen, her eyes still puffy and red from crying. I rub my thumb under her eye and gaze at her lovingly. I take her hand interlacing our fingers and kissing the back of her hand.

"Would you like to go back to the dance and dance with your boyfriend? If you'll take me back that is?"

"Yes I will," she grins through her tears.

I tip her chin up and capture her lips one more time. Then I take her hand in mine, interlacing our fingers and walk with my girlfriend back to the dance. Adam, Jenna, Dave and Alli are dancing but when they see us they come over.

"Does this mean everything is okay and you're not moving?" Adam asks.

"Actually, yes, I was trying to run, I shouldn't have. Owen and I talked, and I'm staying here, with my girlfriend," I reply, smiling adoringly at Clare.

"Good, 'cause you've all been miserable this last week," Adam says.

"Yeah, the three of us can be pretty stubborn," I comment just as a slow song comes on. "Right now, I'm going to dance with my girlfriend."

Clare smiles and I lead her out to the dance floor. I circle my arms around her waist, and she links her hands at the back of my neck. She smiles up at me, her eyes still puffy and red from crying, but she has a content and blissful smile on her lips. I can't help but bend down and touch my lips to hers.

"Dad is on call tonight and sleeping at the hospital. Mom is at William's house because their flight leaves at seven. I was hoping you'd come back and stay the night, I'm not expecting anything, but I almost ran and lost you for good. I'd like to hold you all night long," I tell Clare when the song is coming to an end.

"I'd like that too," she smiles, "but let's find Jake and see if he'll help cover for me and if Alli will let me say I'm sleeping at her house."

"Alli's right there, but we'll have to look for Jake," I remark. I slide my arm around her shoulders as the song ends and Clare gets Alli's attention.

"I'm going to spend the night at Fitz's house, can I tell my mom I'm at your place? I'm sure that Jake will help cover for me," Clare says.

"Of course," Alli smiles.

Clare says thanks and we go looking for Jake. We find him in a corner with Mo and a couple of other guys. When Jake sees us approach together he smiles.

"Please tell me you two are back together," Jake remarks.

"We are, and I'm sleeping at Fitz's tonight. I'll tell Mom I'm sleeping at Alli's; can you help cover?" Clare asks.

"Yeah, no problem. I'm glad you're back, when Clare thought you were moving she was devastated," Jake remarks.

"Yeah, well if I'd thought about it I'd have realized I would have been miserable after moving too. I didn't though, I just saw a chance to run."

"I'll be home tomorrow, thanks Jake," Clare smiles.

"I think I should get you some water and we should sit down for a bit," I tell Clare.

I ask her if she has a table, and she takes me to a table with her purse on one chair. I see Drew, Dave, Adam, and Eli's jackets. I also see other purses and girl's jackets, so this has the table the group claimed. I have Clare sit and I go to the refreshments table grabbing a couple of water bottles. When I return to the table Owen is sitting at the table with Anya on one side of him and Clare on the other. Anya is apologizing for her part in Owen cheating.

"I was really hurt and angry, but it worked out for the best, so I can't be too angry," Clare replies. I set her water down and she takes my hand kissing it softly. I sit down and we talk to Owen and Anya for a few minutes. Dave, Alli, Adam, Jenna, Eli, Imogen, Drew, and Bianca all return to the table with refreshments. Drew pulls over a couple of chairs, B sits in his lap, and I pull Clare into mine.

"What are we doing for your birthday Thursday?" Adam asks Clare.

"I don't know, hadn't thought about it really. I wasn't really planning anything," Clare shrugs.

"Thursday night you're all mine," I tell her before placing an open mouth kiss on her neck. "Friday night is the last hockey game; we should probably go to that. We can have a birthday party for you at my house Saturday evening. I don't think Dad is on call, but I'm sure he can stay out of the house that night."

Clare smiles and turns to capture my lips with hers. A spark of electricity hits me when our lips touch. I brush my fingers along her cheek and into her hair exhaling against her lips. I feel so energized and electric when I kiss her, when I'm near her. I can't believe I thought about leaving this girl. We stay at the dance with our friends, dancing, laughing and having a good time. I dance with Clare in my arms during the last song and then we gather our things to leave.

"Where's your coat?" I ask Clare as we're leaving.

"She was so upset she ran out of the house without one," Alli remarks.

"Can't have that," I comment, putting my winter coat on Clare's shoulders.

We walk out with our friends before dividing up into separate cars. When we get to my house we go straight to my room. I sit on my bed pulling Clare into my lap and cup her face in my hands, leaning my forehead on hers.

"I'm sorry I almost ran."

"I'm sorry I broke up with you. I thought it would fix things, I was afraid you'd hate me like in my dream. I felt responsible for your friendship with Owen ending. I should have talked to you, talked to him."

"We all made mistakes; we won't make them again. I don't think things will magically go back to how they were, but Owen and I are good again. I have my best friend back, and I have you, the only girl I've ever been in love with," I grin.

Clare smiles and our eyes stay locked as our lips seal in a blissfully loving kiss. Our lips stay sealed together for a long time. Eventually, we lie back on my bed, but continue kissing. I don't want to let her go, but it's been a long day and we should get to sleep. With great reluctance I break the kiss.

"I want to hold you all night long, but if you don't want to sleep in here I can set you up in the guest room."

"No, I want to be here with you, I want to sleep in the bed with you."

I smile and give her a chaste kiss. Since all she has is her dress I give her one of my t-shirts a pair of sweat shorts to sleep in. We have a spare toothbrush and when she's ready for bed we climb into my bed. I turn out the lights, pull her into my arms and sigh happily, this girl is heaven to me and I could stay this way for eternity.

I could end it here, but where would be the fun? While it seems like everything is happily settled this story has more to tell and I put up new chapters soon. Next up will most likely be "This is Life & I'm Wondering if We Should Play it a Different way." However, I have had a lot of ideas recently and may decide to put something else up.