"Espre-"
"I'm coming in." Espresso pushed inside impatiently, wiping the joy off of Madeleine's face.
"What seems to be the problem? You look very frustrated." blue eyes look the coffee mage over, inspecting his current situation. Looks tired as always, but somehow, more tired than usual. Eyes glaring daggers at Madeline as if the paladin himself had done something reprehensible. He swallows anxiously and waits for an explanation.
"You. You are my problem." Espresso backs Madeleine against the door as he speaks. If looks could kill... Dark hands grab him by his light colored shirt, wrinkling the fabric in his fists. One part of him feels angrier that Madeleine hadn't come by his laboratory yet before getting settled in after his latest world traveling adventure. Another part of him is angrier at himself for even being angry that he hadn't come by yet. Isn't silence what he wanted?
"Release me." Espresso seethed.
"Pardon?" Madeleine is the one in his grip. Shouldn't this be his line?
"You heard me." He grips the shirt tighter, shaking with anger.
"I... Don't understand..." Concern was evident in his voice as he looked at his tired friend. If Espresso didn't look like he wanted to strangle him, he'd pull him into his arms gently and help him fall asleep as he always does when he comes home.
"Get out. Of my. Head . I have WORK to do, Madeleine Cookie! Now, even in my dreams, I am cursed to see your face and hear your laugh and... Stop smiling, dammit! Wipe that look off your face!"
"You dream of me?" Madeleine was smiling brightly once again, eyes sparkling with pleasure. He noticed the tinge of color blooming in Espresso's cheeks, but the rage was still there. Dark hands let go of his shirt, and the coffee mage starts to pace back and forth.
"In replacement of carefully curated calculations for my coffee magic concoctions, you have been living rent free in my mind all. Week. Long . How am I supposed to focus? I can't get anything done! You buy me gifts, you have memorized when I run out of ingredients for my work and bring them to me, you pay attention to me when I talk even though you lack the understanding to be able to hold any conversations about what I'm working on, you hold me close to you at night when you're home so that I'm able to finally fall asleep, you told me you drink espresso coffee when you're not at home because it reminds you of me when you're lonely... I demand. You. Release me ."
Oh. Madeleine's concerned expression turned into a sweet smile. Espresso glowered at him.
"How many times do I have to tell you to stop looking at me that way?!" the heat in Espresso's face grew, and was made worse by knowing he was unable to quit blushing under the paladin's gentle gaze. His blue eyes on him make him feel uncomfortably warm, and he fails to hold eye contact with him any longer, breaking their staring contest as he approached once again. The distance was close enough so that Madeleine could close the gap if he wanted to, and he did. Espresso gasped and avoided looking at him. He was frustrated that he couldn't be angry, and even more frustrated with himself that he couldn't find the strength to break free. He wasn't being held tightly at all. A warm, soft,embrace that always calms him and lulls him to sleep. A safe space. Espresso's cheek rests near the crook of his neck, trying to forget just how calming Madeleine's sweet but light scent is so relaxing.
"This isn't releasing me." his voice is quiet, rage seeming to have melted away.
"I know."
"Why must you be so cruel to me?" Espresso couldn't help but hug him back. He doesn't love that he needs this at all, but it can't be helped. Not until this situation is remedied. Somehow...
"What's cruel about this?" Madeleine stroked the shorter man's dark hair, and Espresso sighs and leans more into his arms. "I missed you, too."
"I didn't miss you. I never miss anyone." his body betrayed his lies, but Madeleine could see right through them anyway. Espresso made no moves to leave his arms, and instead made moves to be closer. His words are quiet, and don't hold much weight. "Make me hate you like before. Release me from this torment. I can't focus anymore. This is all your fault..."
"Why are you so determined to hate me?"
"It's easier." they breathed in each other's scents and enjoyed each other's warmth. Espresso's coffee scent is Madeleine's absolute favorite. Espresso would never admit that he has very much come to enjoy the sweet scent of the taller man. The way it comforts him and makes him feel so safe.
"I would miss you very much if I wasn't allowed to see you anymore. To hold you like this."
"Your words aren't helping with my predicament. Couldn't you say something terrible to me? Something that would be so reprehensible that I wouldn't be able to look at you anymore?"
"I could never."
"Please... it's painful..." Espresso stayed quiet for a little while before saying more, "You leave for a week at a time, and I lie awake the whole time waiting for you to come back..."
"If you want to come with me, I'm more than happy to bring you. I'm just like you. I have work to do. My adventures across earthbread are making me a better paladin. A better man." he cupped Espresso's face in one of his hands, looking into his sad and lonely eyes, "And they're helping me understand you more so that I can relate to you better. I wouldn't want to stop now. Not when I have so much more to learn.
Espresso looked away from him, not wanting to think about the warm hand on his cheek, the heat in his face, or the confusing feelings building in his chest. Something within him was screaming as if the touch was too much, yet not enough. He hid his face in Madeleine's chest, trying to escape those blue eyes. He clutched at Madeleine's shirt again, this time in tired desperation.
"This isn't fair... even if I were to get you to stay home, I wouldn't be able to get any work done with you here either... what kind of magic did you use on me to make me be like this? It was cruel of you to do this to me. I don't understand what you've done to me, but you will take responsibility and make this stop ."
"I didn't use any magic on you, Espresso Cookie."
A bitter laugh came from between Madeleine's pectorals.
"Any time I got close to peace and managed to fall asleep for a few minutes, there you were... you absolute bastard ... in my dreams, smiling at me... holding me just like this... and then I would jolt awake because it wasn't supposed to be happening, and find myself all alone. You're awful, Madeleine Cookie. I don't understand these feelings at all.. what you've done to me. And here I am now not possibly able to get close enough to you, yet we physically could not become closer." Espresso tightened his arms around the paladin, dark hands tangling in his long blond hair. "It isn't fair."
Madeleine waited for him to stop talking and just stay silent for a little while before he tried to move Espresso's head so that he would have to look at him.
"I don't want to look at you." Espresso grumbled.
"You don't need to." Madeleine cupped his face with one hand, and pulled him close with a hand at his lower back, tilted to the side, and captured his coffee mage's lips with his. Espresso's eyes widened. He put a hand on the paladin's chest, intending to push away from him, but he couldn't find the strength to do it. His eyes slowly fluttered shut as he melted into the kiss.
Espresso didn't know things like love, sex, romance, or any of that nonsense could feel good. He has tried it before, honestly just to get it over with so that those around him would stop bothering him about it. But maybe it wasn't something that's meant to be rushed? All those times when Madeleine said something less than platonic that Espresso brushed off, calling him delusional... They lead up to this moment. It has been months upon months. The better part of a year. They have been close to this moment for a long time now. Tensions building, confusion rising... and this seems to be the thing he needed to make the "too much, yet not enough" bubble finally burst. He didn't even know he wanted this. He somehow managed to not know Madeleine wanted this, either. Is he a fool? No, no, surely not... Espresso is never wrong! And yet, here they are, fingers messing up each other's hair, kissing each other as if they needed it more than the air they breathe. They only broke apart when the need for oxygen won over all other desires. Once he caught his breath, Espresso looked at him with frustration and said,
"How dare you?! How am I supposed to be normal after that?! I came over here confused, and now I can't find any higher word than that to explain how I'm feeling right now!"
"Did you like that as much as I did? I've wanted to do this for months."
Madeleine's confession made the coffee mage choke on his words, embarrassment and confusion overriding his anger as more blush than Madeleine has even seen before covered his face. Those blue eyes tried to burn that expression into his memory before Espresso hid his face in Madeleine's chest again, muffling his words.
"I hate you. Go away, but also don't leave, and don't look at me, and also go fuck yourself forever. Die."
"Ha ha ha! I don't know how to do any of that!"
"I don't like you right now..."
"But you like me some of the time? Well, then that means there's hope for me!" .
Espresso groaned with embarrassment.
"I hate you."
"Liar." Madeleine flipped their positions, pinning him against the door lacing their fingers together and kissed him deeply, drawing out a moan from Espresso that was clearly not a sound he intended to make. When he broke their kiss once again to let his mage breathe, Espresso spoke again.
"Fuck you."
"Maybe later." The irate look on Espresso's face and the sound he made let Madeleine know it was too soon to joke like that.
"Too soon?"
"Get. Out."
"But this is my house!" Espresso realized his error-likely it was due to being tired and not because he made out with Madeleine twice. Yes. Most certainly not due to Madeleine-and blushed and tripped over words he wasn't sure what they were, became angry again and opened the door to leave. He stood in the open doorway and then held his arm shyly, not looking back at Madeleine as he spoke. His words were soft because saying them was difficult.
"You'll come over at the usual time, correct?" Madeleine smiled when he realized he wasn't in trouble, and Espresso felt heat burning his cheeks again knowing those blue eyes were on him once more. He felt strong arms wrap around him from behind and sighed into the touch, the answer from the taller apparent.
"I wouldn't have it any other way."