The two boys were dumbfounded and could hardly speak. Stan said, "Dude, this pretty fucked up right here." Kyle bean twitching. He quickly shot up, crawling away from his friend as far as possible. "Kyle, I-" Stan startled. Kyle whispered, "I have to go." Stan didn't know what was going on, and he didn't want Kyle to leave, so he rushed over, grasping his friend's wrist into his. "Kyle, I'm sorry." Kyle quickly pulled his hand away, and shakily said, "No, do not say that. You have nothing to be sorry for." He then looked at Stan in the eyes. "I just need some time to think," Kyle said, running towards his discarded hat that was laying on the floor. He picked it up, and he ran his hand through his hair. "I'm sorry, Stan. I have to go." His voice sounded broken, and all Stan could do was stare in helplessness. "Kyle, are we good?" Stan asked desperately. Kyle nodded, saying, "Of course. We're friends."
"Yeah," Stan said. He wished he could explain why he didn't know why his voice was breaking and why his eyes were blurring, but he knew why. He just kissed his best friend, and while he wanted to do it again, Kyle didn't, so he closed his eyes, saying, "Just forget this ever happened, okay?" He tried to sound confident, but inside he was falling apart. He didn't want Kyle to see that.
Kyle stared at Stan for a few seconds, and before Stan could feel hope from his eyes, he looked down, stepping back a bit, not wanting to make his friend any more uncomfortable. "I agree," Kyle said with a thick voice, "We shouldn't tell anyone this happened." All Stan could do was nod, because this wasn't what he wanted. He thought the look in Kyle's eyes meant something. "Call me when you get home," Stan said. Kyle nodded, then subsequently quickly retreated from the bedroom, and the house as a whole. Stan began crying.
Kyle kept his head down as he walked, with burning hot tears he kept in the back of eyes eager to come out. He didn't allow them to come out, because he knew he was the reason that moment stopped in the first place. It was all a blur, and while kissing Stan was something dreamt of for a long time, going through it was something he told himself not to do. Kyle thought about why it happened and what it meant to Stan. Kyle didn't want answers because they could hurt him. He figured Stan would love him differently. That's why Kyle panicked, and ran away, because once he started believing that Stan actually looks at him the same way would be where his downfall begins. He'll be hurt so badly, he wouldn't return. He could probably handle that kind of pain with anyone else, but he wasn't sure with Stan, his lifelong best friend. He thought about if it was a risk he could take, running everything he had with him, continuing to because he fell in love with him when he wasn't supposed to. Just as that thought hit Kyle, he began to cry. Kyle knew this wasn't what he wanted, and he shouldn't have ran away the way he did, but he was scared. Stan was special to him, since he wasn't someone he would eventually break up with and proceed with his life like normal afterwards.
Once Kyle was home, he threw his coat on the hanger and kicked his boots off, walking up the stairs. Once he was in his room, he instantly fell on his bed, with his ushanka toppling over. Kyle felt like he lost everything again, and for the second time, it was his fault. He owes Stan a apology and a explanation. He just has to figure it all out which was easier said than done.