Since love grows within you, so beauty grows. For love is the beauty of the soul.
St. Augustine
Ceylin knew Ilgaz would be a great father from the first moment, but witnessing the reality was a thousand times more rewarding.
Ever since they found out about the pregnancy, Ilgaz has always tried to somehow compensate for not being able to do much, since Ceylin was the only one who could go through the whole process of caring and giving birth to the baby, so he always tried to help in everything he could.
But now with little Eva in their arms, Ceylin took more and more delight in watching Ilgaz step into the role of father. Role that Ilgaz assumed with all the love and determination in the world from the first moment he held Eva in his arms.
Ilgaz loved every moment with their little one, every little detail, every feeling, every responsibility he now had over that tiny human being. Of course it wasn't easy sometimes, although having a little sister helped, Ilgaz wasn't as present while Defne was still just a baby, so just like Ceylin, Ilgaz was learning every day and some days were a little bit more difficult but Ilgaz never for a second complained about anything, sometimes exhausted but always ready to get up when Eva cried in the middle of the night and happy for anything he could do for his daughter.
And as if the universe sensed it, it made that link between the two more visible. Eva came into the world with the bright green eyes she inherited from her mother, but in everything else she resembled her father's figure, the dark, curly hair, the shape of her nose, the crooked smile, even her personality. Very perceptive and smart, but a calm baby and sometimes a little shy around others, but of course she had her mischievous moments and strong personality like her mother.
On Eva's 1st birthday, Metin gave Ceylin a picture of Ilgaz on his first birthday and Ceylin was delighted at how – except for her eye color, of course – Eva looked identical to Ilgaz. Ceylin did not miss the opportunity to make a montage with a photo of baby Ilgaz and Eva and display it in their house. She also carried it on her cell phone and whenever she got the chance, she loved to proudly show her acquaintances how father and daughter were so alike.
Ilgaz was equally proud and like any parent, he sometimes wondered if he was really doing a good job. Ilgaz strove to be a role model and a positive influence.
When Eva was close to turning two years old, Ilgaz got a call from the Attorney General asking for his assistance in a case he was handling in Ankara. Ilgaz was reluctant at first to go, as it would be the first time he would be away from Ceylin and Eva since her birth for more than just a day and as much as he had complete trust in Ceylin, Ilgaz did not want to leave his girls.
But as the attorney general made a specific requirement for his presence, Ilgaz didn't have much choice and prepared to travel to Ankara for a few days.
Every morning, as well as every night, Ilgaz made a point of kissing Eva and telling her how much he loved her before he left for work or put her to bed. His flight to Ankara was scheduled for very early in the morning, the sun was just beginning to show faint signs on the horizon, but it was still partially dark outside. In order not to run the risk of waking Eva since it was still too early, Ilgaz just admired her for a few minutes while she slept in her crib and whispered that he loved her before he had to leave.
Ceylin wanted to drive him to the airport, but that meant waking Eva up too early, so Ilgaz took a cab.
Later that morning, as she finished getting ready for work, Ceylin found Eva in her parents' bedroom doorway, looking as if she was looking for something, when she saw her mother.
"Baba?" Eva already knew how to speak several words and sentences, but she still couldn't communicate with such aplomb.
"Baba is already at work, baby" Ceylin said as she picked the girl up and gave her a kiss.
The daycare center where Eva was enrolled offered benefits to those who worked at the DA's Office, in addition to being close to the location, parents had greater access to the daycare center. Sometimes, especially when he was having a rough day, Ilgaz liked to go down to the nursery and see his daughter and spend a few minutes with her. It always calmed him down and reminded him of what was really important in life.
That night Ceylin had a little trouble putting Eva to sleep, whenever the girl seemed to be asleep in her arms and she bent over to put her in her crib, Eva would wake up and refuse to leave her mother's lap.
Ilgaz had made a video call earlier to check and say good night to his girls, Eva still didn't understand the technology very well, so she couldn't really understand that her father was talking through a small device, but during the whole call she kept looking for him, Ceylin and Ilgaz laughed as she tried to focus the girl on camera, but without much success.
After much insistence Ceylin was finally able to put the girl to sleep.
The next morning, Eva didn't look very happy as she usually did every morning, she didn't want to let Ceylin take off her pajamas and kicked over the baby powder as Ceylin tried to change her. Now the girl was in her highchair while Ceylin finished pouring juice into her yellow cup and checked the toast in the stove.
She put the cup in front of the girl and turned to turn off the stove, a second later Ceylin saw out of the corner of her eye how the yellow cup went flying and hit the floor, Eva screamed angrily and slammed her little hands on the chair.
Ceylin glanced at the cup on the floor – it was a good thing it had the lid, or it would have made a huge mess – and then at Eva, who still wore an angry expression on her face, her green eyes gleaming. Eva despite being a calm baby most of the time, Ceylin knew that nobody was perfect and that she was subject to tantrums like any child.
"Ah! Ah!" Ceylin put her hands on her hips and glared at her daughter, pretending to be mad "what is this?" and picked up the cup from the floor, placing it on the highchair again and then holding her daughter's face gently "you can't do that Eva, it's not nice" she scolded her daughter sweetly, which seemed to calm the girl down for the time being.
She took the toast out of the stove and keep on talking to her daughter, who refused to drink the juice "I'm glad your dad isn't here, or he would say you're being your mother's daughter" Ceylin laughed at her own comment and she tried to get Eva to finish her oatmeal, but the girl refused too, whimpering, Eva definitely hadn't woken up in a good mood today.
Late in the morning, just after Ceylin had left a hearing, she got a call from the daycare, informing her that Eva had developed a fever a few hours after arriving and that it had not improved, so Ceylin would have to pick her up. She called Tolga to rearrange her schedule and texted her daughter's pediatrician.
When she picked Eva up from daycare, the girl was feverish and whimpering a lot. When they got home Ceylin gave her medicine and with some effort managed to get her to sleep a little. Ceylin then tried to do some work from home when she got a message from Ilgaz asking how things were going. She informed her husband about her change of schedule with Eva's unexpected fever and in less than 2 minutes later, Ilgaz was calling her.
"Ceylin, what happened? Is Eva all right?" came her husband's worried voice on the other side of the line.
"She's fine, she's sleeping now" she replied with a sigh "the daycare called me saying she had a fever and I picked her up. She was a little cranky this morning, but I thought that was normal, that she was just 'being a Ceylin'" she heard Ilgaz chuckle on the other side of the line and could be sure he rolled over his eyes "but apparently it wasn't that.
"I sent a message to her pediatrician, she said to be attentive in case any other symptoms appear and to continue giving her the medicine, but not to worry, because it's probably just the teeth, since she only has a fever" she hears Ilgaz sigh in frustration, even though it wasn't anything serious, she knew he didn't like having to stay away.
"Will you let me know if anything happens?" Ilgaz asked worriedly.
"Of course, don't worry, focus on your case, so you can come back home asap, we miss you."
"Alright, I miss you two a lot too."
Eva and Ceylin had a peaceful afternoon, the medicine lowered the fever and allowed the girl to sleep peacefully, Ceylin took the opportunity and worked a little on the computer and when Ilgaz called again in the early evening, everything was calm. But as the night progressed, things went downhill, Eva's fever returned and with it the girl became irritable again, crying constantly.
Both then faced a restless night compared to the calm afternoon they had. Eva would wake up constantly crying, even though Ceylin tucked her into her parents' bed to sleep with her. Despite the fever, that was coming and going – which wasn't very high at least – Eva didn't have any other symptoms. Ceylin kept in constant contact with Eva's pediatrician, who had been with her since her first day of life and in whom she and Ilgaz had great confidence, attentive in case a visit to the hospital became necessary.
In the morning Ceylin was exhausted after the turbulent night with her daughter and tried without much success to get Eva to eat something. When Ilgaz called right after, he could hear his daughter's cry on the other end of the call and Ceylin's tired voice, who tried to calm him down, as she knew that Ilgaz still hadn't finished the work he had gone to Ankara to do.
They still lived in the apartment above Ilgaz's parents' house, and after hours of crying, Metin and Defne visited to try to help, but Eva was restless and didn't want to know about anyone but her mother, even Çinar who took a moment to go there and who Eva adored, because he always made fun things for the girl, Eva did not want contact.
Ceylin managed to get the girl to sleep a little in the afternoon, but as soon as the sun was going down, she woke up crying again. With Eva in her arms, Ceylin tried to calm the girl down as she waited for the thermometer to beep to check her temperature.
When the device finally beeped, Ceylin pulled it out, but before she could check it out, the sound of the front door caught her attention and Ceylin was surprised – and extremely relieved – when she saw Ilgaz walk into the house.
"Ilgaz" she sighed happily when she saw her husband taking off his shoes and dropping his bag in the entrance hall and approaching her "what are you doing here?"
Ilgaz discarded his coat unceremoniously on the armchair and hugged his girls "I couldn't stay away from you with Eva like that" he kissed Ceylin's head and then his daughter's.
Ceylin then understood why Ilgaz didn't protest so much that morning on the phone and why he didn't get in touch for the rest of the day, he probably took the first flight he could back home as soon as he finished the call. Well, she couldn't protest one bit about having her husband back home.
"Come baby" Ilgaz then took Eva who was still crying from Ceylin's arms and hugged the girl against his chest "what's up kızım? What's the problem?" and kissed her wet cheek. Ceylin still had a surprised expression.
"The most important part of the case has already been done, now only the bureaucratic part remains, savcı Hakan was happy to take over when I explained the situation to him" he explained while rocking Eva. Ceylin sighed contentedly "you look tired" he said and ran his hand gently over his wife's face.
"A little" Ceylin replied, she was really tired but having Ilgaz back gave her an energy boost.
"How is her fever?" Ilgaz asked.
"I just took it" she took the thermometer that she had forgotten when Ilgaz arrived and checked the temperature "she still running a little fever, but I can't give her the medicine for another hour" and caressed her daughter's cheek "since you're here now I'm going to the bathroom, I've been trying to go for hours, but with Eva I couldn't" she kissed Ilgaz on the cheek who nodded and left.
After using the bathroom, Ceylin was drying her hands when she finally became aware of the sounds around her. There were none, Eva had finally stopped crying. She carefully returned to the living room, in case the girl had fallen asleep, but found the girl awake in her father's arms, her head resting on his chest as Ilgaz rocked her and stroked her hair.
"She finally stopped crying" Ilgaz heard his wife's voice, who approached smiling and arranged some strands of her daughter's hair that were in her face and stood there for a few moments enjoying the silence.
"You must be hungry" Ceylin said and squeezed her husband's arm "stay with her and I'll heat something for us to eat" and went towards the kitchen while Ilgaz took the opportunity to sit down with Eva still nestled in his chest.
A few minutes later, Ceylin called them to the table and when she went to get Eva so that Ilgaz could eat more calmly, he refused, as he still couldn't get enough of his daughter's warmth and smell.
"Eva and I were supposed to go to dinner at Metin baba, but I didn't think it was wise to go with her like that, so he was kind and brought dinner up for us" and she put two plates on the table and took the opportunity to eat together with Ilgaz.
With Eva in his arms, Ilgaz began to eat, but just a few mouthfuls later, he watched as Eva took the pacifier out of her mouth and opened her mouth, moving towards Ilgaz's fork. He looked surprised at Ceylin, who nodded vigorously "give it to her, I only managed to get her to take a bottle in the afternoon".
Ilgaz fed his daughter, who didn't take long and asked for more and then Ilgaz found himself sharing his plate with his daughter who started to eat with enthusiasm, both were very happy to see Eva eat. While Ceylin cleaned up the few dishes they used, Ilgaz returned to the living room with Eva who looked much happier after dinner.
"Ceylin" Ilgaz called her when he saw his wife return to the living room and pointed to their daughter, while one of his hands checked the girl's forehead "I think her temperature has dropped."
Ceylin approached and put her hand on the girl and really, she didn't seem to have a fever like an hour ago, she took the thermometer to confirm and a few minutes later, indeed, Eva no longer had a fever.
After almost two days Ceylin finally sighed with relief, the fever finally broke without needing medicine, which was a great sign and Eva seemed to be improving little by little. She sat down next to Ilgaz and saw how the prosecutor looked tired.
"Go take a shower" she said as she caressed his face gently "you must be very tired from the trip" Ilgaz just nodded and hid a yawn.
He handed Eva to Ceylin and got up to go take a shower, but as soon as he had taken two steps, Eva complained in her mother's arms and started crying again as she babbled "baba, baba".
Ilgaz turned and looked surprised at Ceylin, who had the same expression on her face and took the girl in his arms again and rocked her, which calmed her down almost instantly. Ilgaz then felt a twinge in his chest, he couldn't say exactly what it was, a mixture of guilt, pride, sadness and perhaps joy. He looked at Ceylin and didn't have to utter a single word, she knew exactly what was going through his head.
Eva got sick because of him. She missed her father so much in those few days that he was away, that the girl didn't know how to cope. He felt his eyes burn then and hugged his daughter closer to his chest, inhaling her sweet baby scent.
"Ceylin..." Ilgaz whispered her name, a little despair in his voice, his eyes filled with tears, maybe that was the moment Ilgaz felt the most like a father in all this time. Realizing how his connection with his daughter was so big, special, and deep.
Ceylin approached him with a soft smile and stroked his face and the edges of his eyes gently, stopping the tears from falling.
"We can't blame her" she said softly "you are the best father in the world, it was impossible not to miss you so much" and gave him a soft kiss and hugged them both. Ilgaz placed several kisses on his daughter's head, unable to contain the emotion he felt for long.
They stayed that way for a while, holding each other, until Ceylin moved and took Eva from Ilgaz's arms again, not without some reluctance on his part.
The girl started mumbling again and Ilgaz had the saddest expression in the world.
"Baba needs a shower" Ceylin tried to calm the girl down, when she had an idea "we'll go with him, tamam?" And she followed Ilgaz into the bathroom, but the girl was still grumbling in her arms, holding out her arms, asking for her father.
"Hold her" Ceylin handed Eva to Ilgaz who got confused for a moment and started taking off the girl's clothes and then started taking off part of her own clothes "let's take a shower all together" and blew a raspberry on the baby's belly and she laughed.
Ilgaz kept part of his clothes too and then the three of them squeezed themselves into the shower stall and while taking a shower, they took the opportunity to entertain Eva, who now looked happier than ever and laughed nonstop.
Ilgaz left first, discarded the wet clothes, dried off and changed, then returned for Eva and took over the task of changing his daughter. Ceylin finished the shower last and after getting dressed, she walked around the house to check if everything was locked and turned off, while listening to her daughter's happy laughter, a relief compared to the crying of the last few days.
She returned to the master bedroom and found Ilgaz lying on the bed, with Eva lying on his chest, both with sleepy expressions on their faces.
"Can she stay with us tonight?" Ilgaz asked winking at her, Ceylin laughed at the cute way Ilgaz tried to convince her of something she knew would happen.
"Of course she can" she lays down next to him, Eva then snuggled between the two of them.
And like every other night, Ilgaz kissed both their heads and whispered "seni seviyorum" and in a few minutes Eva was asleep, holding her father's finger on her tiny hand.
Ilgaz reached out, pulling them both close, enveloping them in his embrace. The last few days away from his girls were torture for Ilgaz and the recent events only reinforced, so he promised himself that he would never again be away from them for so long unless it was strictly necessary.
It was there, with Ceylin beside him and their daughter lying between them, that he felt truly complete.