A NOTE FOR ANYONE WONDERING WHERE CHAPTER 2 IS: So, I rewrote Chapter 1 because I didn't like how it came out the first time around. I apologize if you got a notification saying the story has been updated and you're sitting there confused as to why there is still only one chapter lol. I promise chapter 2 will be out shortly and I will remove this message then. Please enjoy the rewrite, hopefully it reads as a brand new story for you!
A/N: So…yeah lol. It's been a little over 6 (SIX!) years since I logged into this site and wrote anything. Needless to say, life has been very, very busy over the last half decade and some change, but I have been inspired to write again and hopefully this will lead to me either finishing my existing stories (or more likely rewriting them).
For those of you that are new to my stories, this will be the first story I've published since 2017 and I appreciate that you are giving this story a shot! For those of you that are returning because you somehow saw a notification from Lostsword, I apologize for the extreme hiatus!
I hope that you all enjoy this new addition!
Lostsword
A/N: I do not own Captain Fall or any other Netflix trademark, I also do not own How to Train Your Dragon or any of its trademarks, I only lay claim to the original aspects of the plot.
NOTE: This fic is rated M for graphic language, graphic violence, and just in general—in keeping with the parodied show this crossover is imitating—a lot of graphic content.
Captain Horrendous
Chapter 1: An Unconventional Cruise Line
Captain Ansson smiled and waved to the passengers of the cruise liner Pride of Berk as the evening meal in the forward dining hall was conducted in full swing. Musicians were playing a glorious melody and waiters were delivering numerous dishes to tables that could only be described as deliciousness incarnate.
He had served as the ship's captain for the last ten years with distinction and grace and he had made quite a few friends along the way. He had seen the world and gone on numerous adventures spanning each corner of the globe. It had truly been the experience of a lifetime and he was so very fond of each and every member of his crew, but at seventy five, it was time to retire and spend time with his children's families before he got too old to enjoy his silvery twilight years.
"I'll miss all of this," he said to the stunning blonde woman walking beside him as they greeted guests and wished them well on the remainder of their voyage. They always made an effort to do a few rounds around the ship each day and meet and greet with the various people that came aboard from all walks of life.
"And we shall miss you, Captain," she said warmly as she smiled at a group of small children running past them.
"I-" he began, only to be interrupted as the windows above them exploded in an earth shattering detonation that rained glass all over the dining hall as uniformed men wearing the badges of the Berk Special Purpose Unit descended on ropes.
In the span of a few minutes, the officers had a tight ring around Captain Ansson and they were leveling tasers at him as the guests fled the dining hall in terror.
"Hands up! You're under-"
A million bolts of lightning shot through his system as a half dozen tasers struck him and discharged enough electricity to power the Pride of Berk for a week. Captain Ansson fell to the deck and collapsed in a heap as voices all around him shrieked.
"But sir! We need to read-" an authoritative voice gasped out in stunned amazement as a boot was placed on the disabled captain's body.
"Bahooie! What matters is this dirt bag is now bagged," another voice stated dramatically.
"Good one sir!" A third voice applauded.
Captain Ansson felt his entire world fade to a blissful black.
"Hello sir, they got him. It's on again," Astrid Hofferson said tersely into the sat phone as she watched the captain of the Pride of Berk be taken into custody by the BSPU officers.
"You know what to do." Came the clipped response from her employer before the line died abruptly as he hung up.
Just fucking perfect, Astrid thought bitterly as she briefly locked eyes with one of the BSPU officers before averting her gaze.
She knew exactly what to do.
Henry Haddock the III, better known as "Horrendous" to most, sat in the cafeteria of the Berk Merchant Marine Naval Academy and watched in vague interest as the national news reported on a cruise ship captain being arrested and charged with everything from homicide and racketeering to smuggling illegal dragon eggs out of the country and selling national secrets to the Hooligan Nation.
What an unusual way to pass lunch, he thought as he heard footsteps approaching from beside his isolated table.
"Incoming!" A snotty voice shouted as a tail whipped from out of nowhere and dropped him square on the floor as the room went silent. Above him, a group of academy second year students were laughing as they watched him struggle on the floor.
"Real…uh…funny guys…real funny," he mumbled as he tried to sit up.
"Looks like someone wet his pants!" One of the boys cried hysterically as he gestured to his water dragon—the one that had knocked him onto the floor—and the creature obediently spouted a geyser of water at Henry.
It was either divine luck or divine damnation from the gods—depending on the perspective of the incident—that the blast hit him squarely in the center of his groin with enough force and accuracy that it left a truly spectacular stain.
"Haha! Pee-pee pants!" The gang of boys cried in unison as the water stain spread rapidly from Henry's crotch to his inner thighs.
The entire room erupted in laughter now and Henry weakly smiled up at them and chuckled uneasily as he finally managed to stand up. "That was a good one guys! Haha, a real typical, good-old fashioned prank…uh…among friends…" He said as he continued to smile at the gang of boys that had gone abruptly silent along with the rest of the room.
"Whatever, Horrendous," the lead boy said as he turned around and left after realizing Henry was just going to agree with the joke rather than be embarrassed by it.
"It was good talking with you! We should…" Henry
"Such a horrendous waste of our and everyone else's time," a second boy said before the entire gang walked off.
"…hang out…uh…sometime…" Henry finished dejectedly before visibly taking control of his emotions and turning back to his table, he grabbed some napkins and began to clean himself up. After he was mostly dry, he cleaned up his table and collected his tray, cup, and utensils and made his way over to the deposit line where he could leave everything for the cleaning crew.
As he left the line, a dark haired girl walked into the cafeteria and glanced at him in slight disgust as she took in his stained pants.
"Oh, it's…just a really good…I'm…I'm just the victim of a really well done joke," he said with a weak chuckle and a shrug as he smiled at her nervously. The girl glanced at the stain and then back at him in obvious disbelief, but to her horror, he then proceeded to wipe a finger on his pants leg and bring it to his lips before stating, "see? It's just dragon spit…oh actually…yuck!"
The girl looked vaguely horrified now and backed up slowly as he spat into the tub of dirty dishes—to the cleaning crews frustration—before gesturing behind her with a thumb over her shoulder as she schooled her face into a friendly expression.
"I just thought you should know that the exam scores are in, you should go look, your score really stood out," she said with a sly and mean smirk touching the edges of her face.
"It did?!" Henry stated, his revulsion fading rapidly as he blew past her to exit through the cafeteria doors and down the hallway towards the final exam scores.
The girl called after him, "just remember that those scores basically reflect your entire future career!"
Henry raced down the long hallway and came to a stop at a three way intersection where the scores had been posted along the smooth white wall in an organized mass of sheets containing names and class rankings based upon the exam results.
Oh, please be top ten, please be top ten, Henry thought frantically as he glanced at the section of rankings in the top left corner of the sheets. He failed to find his name and began to scan down the rows of columns in eager search of his spot in the graduating class.
Okay, not top ten, but at least the top hundred, right? She said I really stood out, so…
He continued to scan and failed to see his name listed anywhere within the top one hundred students of the class and—feeling a sense of dejection seep in—he began to scan the next row of sheets for his name in growing anticipation and anxiety.
Not in the top two hundred either, crap. I must be in the top half of the bottom third…right?
Henry felt his heart rapidly falling into his stomach as he scanned the documents and failed to find his name anywhere. He felt his heart hit like a rock hitting the absolute bottom of a ravine when his eyes came past the bottom of the sheet to a small sticky note half-heartedly placed upon the bottom corner of the final exam result page.
268/268 Horrendous
Henry felt his mouth go dry and his knees weaken slightly as he realized he had stood out from the rest of the class. He had finished absolutely last on an exam that was meant to indicate who was worth being considered for a captaincy and who was not…
"Well…crap…" he said dejectedly as he gazed at the note, "that…that hurts…"
Astrid—as first officer—stood beside Eret—her second officer—and behind them was a number of the ships regular officers as the entire group stared at the video screen in the private conference room at the heart of the ship. They had been gathered for an "informal chat" with the cruise line's owner following the arrest—and subsequent tragic suicide—of the former captain.
"Good evening, Mr. Bloodvist," Astrid said for the group as the screen lit to reveal a shadow-covered man sitting within the confines of a massive chair, his features barely visible, though it was clear he equally massive and that he had a mass of hair and a gigantic beard that reached to the very bottom edges of the screen itself.
"Good evening…my beloved crew," he rasped softly as he steepled his fingers together and gazed at them through hooded eyes, "I trust…everything has been going…according to plan?"
Astrid gulped alongside Eret and nodded enthusiastically as she stepped forward slightly, "yes, of course sir! We just got confirmation from-"
"Where is…Viktor?" Mr. Bloodvist demanded softly, but with deadly authority.
A man stepped forward from the lineup of the ship's chief officers, "uh…here, Mr. Bloodvist," Viktor—the head of security for the ship—said as he gulped loudly.
"Nameless…kill."
The entire crew winced as one as the midnight black dragon on the other side of the room moved suddenly, its motions quick as lightning and silent as death itself as it descended upon Viktor.
"P-please, n-no!" He cried before the creature bit off his entire head in a terrifying spray of blood and gore that splattered every single officer in some way or form. The body didn't even hit the ground before the creature began to devour it in a rapid, meaty, and barbaric symphony of feeding that made several of the crew weak to their stomachs.
"I…trust this reminder…will promote better work ethic aboard ship…" Mr. Bloodvist rasped as he eyed each member of the ship in turn, causing each to wince or fidget in fear.
"Y-yes, of course, Mr. Bloodvist," Astrid said, her fear monumental, but her face ice cold and her body likewise a stone statue of indifference as what had been Viktor's arm was tossed into the air with a wet pop and thunk.
"Now…Astrid," Mr. Bloodvist said coldly and with such focus that she felt her stomach curdle in renewed terror at his direct and undivided attention.
"Y-yes, Mr. Bloodvist?" She asked, a small tremor of fear descending into her tone.
"Cheer up!" He cried happily and leaned back in his chair, obscuring his entire face in shadows as he cackled, causing the others to chuckle weakly along with him. "That buffoon Ansson was too hard to work around, too nosey and too observant," he said as he leaned back forward and gestured at her, "I want you to find his replacement…someone completely opposite of what we've been working with before…"
"Captain Ansson was originally hired because he was one of the most highly qualified ship captains in the world, sir, so…" Astrid began, thinking back to the aged captain that had greeted her so warmly several years ago when she had boarded the cruise line originally to serve as a "bartender" for a short period, only to be brought on to the officer line by Captain Ansson himself.
"…And now I want you to hire someone completely opposite of 'the most highly qualified ship captains in the world'," Mr. Bloodvist stated, "I want someone clueless, someone that is gullible, someone that is moldable…" he paused and searched for the proper wording for what he desired.
After a few moments, he found the exact words and smiled to himself as he leaned slightly out of the shadows to reveal bloody teeth as he spoke.
"Find me someone horrendous."
Henry walked up to the Nadder Naval Job Placement Center on the outskirts of Berk and took a deep breath in before opening the front door and walking inside. The main office was like any other office, with people seated at desks and typing on computers and talking on phones.
The lady at the front desk was actually doing all three and she held up a hand when Henry started to speak and pointedly aimed her index finger to a row of chairs across from her desk as she kept on talking and typing.
Sighing, Henry wandered over to the waiting area and busied himself by looking at the collection of photographs that lined the wall behind the chairs as he thought to himself.
I wish I could have been lucky enough to master a dragon…
Around Berk, dragons were the height of social status, very few people were able to master a dragon. The entire process was expensive to boot and even then, it was a lengthy and physically demanding process, it could take literal months to beat a dragon into submission to its new master.
Anyone looking at Henry would instantly know that he wouldn't be able to meet the physical demands that mastering a dragon would entail. He had weak noodle arms and about as much muscle as a fish had bones, though in full deference to the fish, it probably had more bones than he had muscle.
Captain Scott "Snoutlout" Jorgenson Jr.
The picture showed a tall, dark-haired man in a superbly tailored captain's uniform commanding a massive cruise liner, behind him a likewise massive red monstrous nightmare sitting obediently behind him. Henry's older brother had always done better than him at everything and had been the apple of his adoptive parents' eyes for as long as Henry had been living with the Jorgenson family. His own family had been lost at sea when he was just a baby and Henry's adoptive father had been Henry's real father's commanding officer, so he had taken Henry in as a favor to his late subordinate.
Captain Scott "Spitelout" Jorgenson Sr. and Commander Frida "Heartthrob" Jorgenson
This picture showed an older and grayer version of Scott Jr. in the military uniform of the Berk Navy with his wife, a strikingly beautiful blonde in a similar uniform to her husband, standing before a massive battleship. The gleaming cannons framed the background of the picture and on either side of the couple were large red monstrous nightmares like Scott Jr.'s own dragon.
"How can I help you, young man?" An elderly voice asked, snapping Henry out of his thoughts, and turning his attention to a graying, middle aged woman in office attire with a colorful ascot around her neck.
"Oh…oh hi…um…Henry Haddock…I…um…I called…" He stuttered out, embarrassed and nervous as he tried to find the words to say that would let her know what he was here for a job interview.
It was imperative that he somehow get placed in a position aboard a ship that would both impress his family and show them that he was a capable and valued sailor just like they all were.
"Oh yes, Mr. Horrendous, please do come in." She said and walked into her office without a backward glance at him.
"Oh…um…oh…never mind," he said dejectedly as he followed her, deciding it wasn't worth the time and effort to correct the—constant—mix-up of his middle and last names.
As he settled into the seat across from the NNJPC lady's desk, he looked around briefly at the additional photos in the room—several of which had pictures of his family in them—and said, "I…I was just looking at my family out there."
"Mm-hmm," she said as she typed softly on her computer, "let's see here, Henry Horrendous…let's pull up those scores…"
"Oh, it's actually-" Henry began, but she cut him off.
"Ouch." She said sharply as she winced abruptly as she saw the results of his academy final exam displayed on her screen.
Henry hurried to explain, "Okay, well, I know when you look at my grades, it-it doesn't look great…b-but the ocean is in my blood. It's in my Viking genes…I think..."
The hiring manager sighed wearily and said, "okay…let's see what we can find to best place you within the workforce that NNJPC manages for the vast fleet of ships within the archipelago…"
"My family was practically responsible for the allies winning the naval war during WWII, so…not too bad for an old Viking family…yeah…" Henry rambled as he thought about the long history of ship mastery that the Jorgenson's had exhibited for the past…well forever.
"The thing is…" She said as she eyed him in a friendly—if pitying and unhelpful—manner, "you had the worst exams in the history of Berk's Merchant Naval Academy…" she turned the screen around for him to look at his records, a massive DO NOT HIRE written in bold red across his picture. "The closest you'll ever get to commanding a ship would be to turn tricks at the docks," she added plainly.
"Oh...wow…" Henry said in surprise as he glanced down at his hands, "I…I mean, if I were given guarantees that I would…eventually command a ship…I mean, as a starting gig…"
"I am obviously joking, Mr. Horrendous." The lady said dryly as she eyed him critically.
"O-oh! I…w-was too! I mean…Me? A hooker? No, I-I would never…that's…um…" Henry said weakly as he realized he had made a colossal mistake and hastened to try and cover his titanic blunder. He didn't even register the end of her statement enough to think to correct her on his proper surname.
"What I can offer you, Mr. Horrendous," the manager said, "is an extensive personality test where we can show potential employers what you are really made of…maybe you have some hidden talents…hidden deep, deep down there…somewhere…"
"Done!" Henry cried out as he finished the exam on the computer at the other end of the office and came back over to sit before the woman's desk, "I think I basically nailed it."
"Mr. Horrendous," the woman began and talked right over Henry as he tried to correct her on his surname once again, "it's a personality test. There is nothing to nail."
Henry closed his mouth with a silent sigh and decided to flip through the magazine that the hiring manager had left on her desk for him. It was technically a catalog of ships that were hiring across the archipelago, but with all the flashy pictures and advertising, it read more like a gossip magazine than an official hiring tool.
Scott Jr. was on the front page, a swarm of women on either side of him, as he smiled brightly at the bow of his cruise ship. The caption read 'YOU TOO CAN BE GREAT' in a fancy script just below the railing that the group was posing behind.
That is all I want, Henry thought as he gazed at the picture longingly before he moved on and flipped through some of the other pages, knowing his brother would never hire him on his ship. He would say he was too lame or too much of a loser to work on his "babe cruise" anytime this century.
He came across a picture of a magnificent gray ship, the Pride of Berk, advertising for—oddly enough—only a captain's posting.
"Oh, h-hey, could you send in my results to the Pride of Berk? Would…would that be crazy?" He asked with a nervous chuckle as he watched the woman freeze in shock.
"Oh…oh by Odin's beard…" She muttered in shock as she read the results and blanched before turning around and abruptly standing up to walk over to a line of low-level cabinets on her back wall.
"That…that good huh?" Henry asked tentatively as he watched her riffle through a flurry of folders and pieces of paper.
"No…" She stated calmly as she found what she was looking for and held up a contract triumphantly, "but I owe it to your family name to get you something," she added as she walked back towards him and handed him the contract. "This could be an opportunity for you to work on that personality and really get some job experience…Captain Horrendous."
Henry clutched the job offer tightly and stood up in joy, so overcome with happiness that he didn't even notice the continued mix-up of his surname. "Thank you! Thank you so much! Thank you for believing in me ma'am! Thank you!"
"Thank you! Come again! Thank you!" Captain Henry Haddock said in a deadpan tone as the small children and the accompanying adults disembarked from his magnificent ship, a tugboat so dingy and pathetic it hadn't even been given a name.
After all the guests of Mr. Munk's Magic Park had departed the tugboat that had carried them across Mr. Munk's Magic Munk Lake—and Henry hated that tongue teaser more than he hated his silly parody of a captain's uniform—he turned the boat around and drove it back to its small boathouse nearby. Locking the small craft up and then locking the boathouse up, he made his way towards the park's exit carrying a bag of trash that had slowly accumulated throughout the long twelve-hour shift.
Exiting the park, he stopped by the dumpsters outside to deposit the trash and then made his way to his moped. The tiny electric transport sputtered to life, and he headed home in the dusky gloom of another "too far north" sunset that was more of a darkening of the ever-present sun rise than a true prelude to total darkness.
Upon reaching the fringes of his family estate, he saw the beginnings of a massive party starting to come together. Throngs of nicely dressed elderly couples were arriving and walking into the main manse while uniformed servants provided music and hors d'oeuvres.
Parking his moped on the side of the street, Henry had barely gotten off the machine before he heard a loud bellow from above. Glancing up, he paled and dove to the side immediately as Hookfang—Scott's dragon—landed atop the moped and crushed it easily with his armored bulk. Letting out a war cry, Scott spun the dragon in a tight circle, causing its tail to lash out and flatten an elderly couple that was walking up to the house to the ground effortlessly.
"That's on you, Mrs. Frenik! That beautiful saggy ass distracted me!" Scott bellowed as he dismounted Hookfang and walked confidently forward.
The elderly couple, for their part, were all smiles as they stood up and greeted him warmly before continuing inside with him. "Oh, that's alright Scott! Those things will happen!"
"Scott! Hey Scott!" Henry shouted to him with a small but friendly smile as he picked himself up as well while Hookfang huffed and settled into a ball on top of the wreckage that had once been Henry's moped. Scott, for his part, not only completely ignored Henry's calls, but also slapped Mrs. Frenik on the ass before groping her left buttcheck as he walked into the house with the elderly couple.
"Oh…uh…good talk…" Henry said weakly as he veered off to the side of the estate to where his mother was approaching him.
"Horrendous, darling," his mother, Frida, said with fake warmth in her voice as she eyed him critically while carrying a glass of wine in one hand and a cigarette in a holder in the other.
"Hey, mom," Henry said with a renewed sense of friendly warmth on his face. "I didn't know we were having a party…what's the…uh…what's the occasion?" He asked with a slight hope in his eyes.
"Oh, it's such a big day! Have you really forgotten?!" She cried in alarm as she sipped at her wine glass deeply.
"I…I actually hadn't! I'm just…surprised you-" Henry felt his heart leap inside his chest as he smiled brightly.
"It's your big brother's thirty-three and a half birthday!" She continued on as she waved at some newly arrived party goers before taking a drag on her cigarette.
"…oh…" Henry stated, feeling the soaring heart within his chest come crashing down in a violent impact with the bottom of his stomach. "…oh...cool…um…I'll…I'll just go get changed and then I-I'll join in." Henry said at last as he turned towards the tree house on the edge of the estate that had served as his home for the last twenty two years of his life.
"Yes, about that," his mother said quickly as she gestured with her cigarette holder, "your father and I were talking and, you know what? We just thought it would be a fantastic idea if you climbed up in that wonderful little tree house of yours and just stayed there…hmm?"
Henry smiled nervously and nodded his head at her, "I totally agree," he said as he gestured at the party that was starting to get going inside with the arrival of Scott, "but, it's…it's just that I would really…really like to…join the party…"
"Of course," his mother agreed with him as she gestured again at the tree house, "but everyone else thinks it would be better for you to just skip it…so let's just go ahead and do that…hmm?"
"…Roger that…" Henry said in defeat as he cast his eyes to the ground slowly and walked dejectedly to the tree house. He heard the beginnings of loud music start up as cheering began and someone announced something grandly to more applause and cheering.
By the time he had reached his tree house and made it up into the rickety shack twenty feet off the ground, he heard Scott's name being chanted by the party goers.
A thump came a short while later as his father climbed up the ladder and deposited a small dish of food on the floor by the hole that served as the impromptu entryway to the ground below. "Here you go. Chow down."
"Ooh, thank you…soooo hungry…" Henry said, nearly sarcastic, as he walked over to his father and examined the "food" he had been given. The plate contained a single piece of half-eaten shrimp, two small, still completely frozen slices of ham, and a shriveled asparagus spear that looked like they had been taken from the trash. "Good party?" He asked his father as the man began to descend the ladder to return to the rest of said party.
"Oh yeah," Spitelout stated as he climbed down, "so great. So much fun. Skrillex is DJing and your bother is shining like a star out there."
"Oh…um…maybe I could join?" Henry asked hopefully, "just for…just for a little while? Just to get a taste of the fun, perhaps?"
His father stopped halfway to the ground and examined him coldly, "well, in an ideal world, yes, that is exactly what you would be allowed to do," he said simply as Henry's eyes lit up, "…but, we don't want to risk ruining your brother's big day…with your presence…so…no."
"What? I won't ruin anything! I promise!" Henry assured him as he gestured wildly, "just let me down for a few hours, I'll stay low! Just a quick friendly chat here and there…please?"
"Nope." Spitelout said as he rolled his eyes and started going back down the ladder, "not gonna happen."
To cement his statement into fact, the larger man yanked the ladder out of it's feeble support structure once he reached the ground and carried it away with him. "I'm taking the ladder with me as a security precaution…I promise to return it in the morning…maybe…" He threw over his shoulder as he walked away.
"Oh…oh okay?" Henry said in defeat as he stared longingly at the party that was now spilling out into the yard all around the estate.
"You should thank me," the buff man said gruffly, "you don't want an old uncle to come up there and have his way with your or anything."
"W-what!?" Henry cried in alarm.
Spitelout set the ladder down against the side of the house and turned to eye the boy looking at him from the tree house, "I'm not saying it will happen, but statistically, every family has a molester within their ranks…so…good luck," he said simply before turning towards the house.
"Oh…wow…um…goodnight?" Henry said in confusion and slight fear.
Spitelout paused by the entryway to the main house and glanced back at the treehouse, "uh…goodnight…uh…you." He said awkwardly before hurrying inside.
Henry sighed once more and sat on his scrap of a bed and began to eat his frozen ham slices, figuring the ice would help add fiber or something to his diet. Maybe chewing the frozen chips of meat would give him a defined jawline like his older brother and father.
The party got truly out of hand and Scott started to sing loudly, drunkenly, and impressively off-key as the midnight hour approached. Henry stood up and walked over to his calendar thumb-tacked to the wall and simply stared at the date for a moment before sighing and marking it with a marker before returning to his bed and making another attempt at sleeping through the noise.
On the calendar, where he had just crossed off the day's date, was a simple pair of words in bold that were now crossed out as well.
My Birthday!
Astrid and Eret landed just outside of the NNJPC building, Eret riding Skullcrusher and Astrid riding Stormfly. The muscular man leaned backwards into a supine position on his saddle and kicked up his feet as he pulled out a sudoku puzzle pad and a pencil while Astrid dismounted her dragon and walked towards the building.
"Remember, mi amor," Eret called after her, "no credentials whatsoever, nada, a complete wet piece of clay that we can mold, only he has a license to command a ship…"
"I know what I'm looking for Eret," Astrid groaned as she headed towards the building.
"Just try not to attract any attention please…just a very quick in and out!" He stressed as he started to mark off the numbers he needed in the blank spaces of the puzzle with his pencil.
"You know me…" Astrid mumbled under her breath as she approached the building with Stormfly trailing her.
"I'll be discreet."
"Coming through!" A loud and obnoxious voice bellowed from within the small crowd forming outside of the tugboat as Henry groaned to himself, "I know, the uh, captain, hehe."
Henry watched as Scott emerged from the crowd with two small children trailing him as he walked right up to the front of the line like he owned the entire park.
More like he thinks he owns the world, Henry thought to himself as the ogre of a man pushed the children towards him none too gently.
"Say hello to…uh…your uncle kids," Scott said with a mean cackle as Henry stared at him in confusion.
"Uncle?" He asked as the two children glanced at Henry with blank expressions, neither one said anything to him.
"I'm trying to bang their mom and she made me take them to the park…what a bitch, am I right?" Scott bragged as he flexed absent-mindedly.
"What?!" The boy of the pair of children said while the girl gaped at Scott in shock.
Scott squatted down to their level and looked right at the boy, "what, what?" He said as he crossed his arms as he stood back up, "if you don't wanna know the truth, don't listen in on other people's conversations."
Henry gestured for the two traumatized youths to board the tugboat and glanced at the mortified parents in line with their own children behind a nonchalant Scott. "Here," he said slowly as he waved Scott on as well, "why don't you just get on the ride?"
"Whatever," Scott said as he bumped past Henry and boarded the tugboat.
When Henry had finished boarding all the passengers, he walked into the pilot's booth—dubbed the "captain's quarters"—and set the ship forward at its' minimum—and the park-mandated maximum—speed of ten knots. Scott appeared beside him on the outside of the booth and leaned in with a sneering smirk as he propped his chin in his hands while staring at his younger brother.
"Insane party last night, huh?" He drawled as Henry focused on guiding the ship across the miniature lake while avoiding the temptation to brain himself with the central-most peg of the steering wheel, "I had, like, six beers. I'm hungover like a mofo."
"…Yeah, it was a real…real rager…crazy," Henry agreed as Scott turned around and leaned against the booth while throwing his arms dramatically upwards.
"It got so out of hand!" He continued while vigorously bringing his arms towards his chest and back out towards the sky in a mimed motion that indicated he was having energetic intercourse, "I fucked, like, three chicks…or hens…or whatever…"
Henry raised an eyebrow as he began to guide the tugboat just to the side of the large rock formation at the center of the lake. The rock formation held an animatronic whale at the top and it occasionally sprayed water up into the air when a certain time of the day was reached.
"I thought it was mostly senior citizens there last night?" He questioned as Scott scoffed at him arrogantly.
"What can I say?" Scott said as he winked at Henry, "I like the taste of raisins just as good as grapes."
Henry about gagged at that, but muttered out a non-committal "okay," as the young girl Scott had brought along called out to him.
"Hey! What's wrong with this ride? Why won't it go any faster?!" She demanded as she pouted while leaning against the edge of the tugboat's railing, glaring at the slow speed the boat was putting out. Her brother beside her grunted his agreement and put his hands on his hips as he too glared at Henry.
"Well, that is because this is as fast as I can take this…old lady," he said, trying to not be cowed by their stubborn faces as he gestured at the sign above his said that said MAXIMUM SPEED: 10 KNOTS in bold letters.
"Come on bro," Scott moaned as he twisted back around to stare at his younger brother, "do you always have to be such a horrendous disappointment all the time?"
Henry blanched slightly, but simply shook his head, "I'm sorry everyone, but the rules are, in fact, the rules."
Scott rolled his eyes and gestured at his captain's uniform—his real captain's uniform—and said, "you know I'm a real captain, right? I could order you to go faster if I wanted to."
Henry knew he would regret the next words out of his mouth before he even said them, but he couldn't stop himself from saying, "Ah…I…I don't think you can do that."
Scott's eyes flared like they were suddenly filled with dragon fire, and he leaned in dangerously close to Henry's face. "Oh?! Oh, you wanna test me?! Do you!?" He demanded as he pointed a finger at Herny's face while his own features started to turn a slight angry purple.
"N-no!" Henry said quickly as he—like he had thought—immediately regretted his choice of words as Scott stood up straight and bellowed dramatically.
"Do you seriously want to test me? Me?!" The older and stronger man reached for the steering wheel that was currently clutched by Henry in a death grip.
"I really-" Henry was ejected from the booth as Scott pushed him roughly and took the wheel of the ship.
"I hereby commander this ship!" Scott demanded regally before pushing the tugboat's throttle to maximum speed and launching the craft forward at a terrifying velocity. The children aboard the ship laughed and cried in delight as the tugboat bounced along the waves while the adults looked mildly alarmed.
"Yay-hey! Whoo-hoo!" The kids cried while the boat rapidly entered into the shadow the rock formation that it had previously been on a course to avoid before Scott erratically took control of it.
"Scott-" Henry tried to shout in warning, but it was already too late. The tugboat slammed into the side of the rock formation and careened off it violently as children and adults went flying across the deck and into the lake.
Screams erupted from the people left on the tugboat, those in the water, and those on the shore as the animatronic whale creaked noisily before a loud metallic crack was heard. The large whale fell from its' perch like a stone and crashed with a colossal splash into the lake, sending a massive tidal wave of water in every direction. The wave ended up soaking numerous park guests and staff members as the tugboat rocked horribly back and forth and almost capsized in the aftermath of the collision and subsequent wave of water.
"Gah! Horrendous! That was so dangerous! What were you thinking!?" Scott demanded as he gestured at his younger brother.
Before Henry could respond, the massive, half-submerged, whale let out a water-logged and barely mechanical "Thar she blooooowwwwsssss…" before it released a massive jet of water directly at the tugboat, soaking all of the remaining passengers and Henry to the bone.
"Okay. Well, okay. Now my clothes are wet." Scott pouted as he pulled at his uniform shirt, which had a small drop of water on it, while he glared daggers at his absolutely drenched younger brother. "This is all your fault!" He spat as he pointed towards him, a motion that was mimicked by the remaining passengers aboard the tugboat and even some of the angry—and extremely wet—guests and staff members around the park along the boardwalks.
Henry sank to his knees and put his head in his hands as he tried to take in all that had just happened in the last thirty seconds. It had all gone so wrong in such a remarkably short amount of time and he wasn't sure it could really get any worse.
"Captain Horrendous," a whiny teenage voice bellowed from the shoreline.
I just had to think "it couldn't get any worse" in my head, didn't I? Henry thought sadly as he glanced up to see his boss—a teenager all of seventeen years old—in his "admiral" uniform, glaring at him from across the lake.
"Captain, you have shown a lack of responsibility, and I have no choice but to remove you of your stripe! You are fired!" He screamed in anger as he ripped his own cap from his head and threw it into the lake in his frustration.
"P-please, sir! You can't do this!" Henry pleaded as he clutched at the single stripes on his uniform's shoulder boards. Was he really about to lose his pathetic and demeaning post as a tugboat captain?
"Well, I just did!" The kid shouted and stomped off as the sound of police sirens and helicopters could be heard in the distance.
"Well…dang…that…dang…" Henry said softly as he heard Scott start to cackle manically.
"Normally, we always thank guests for bringing their dragons along," the elderly woman that served as NNJPC's primary hiring manager said as she looked at the golden-haired woman in the crisp first officer's uniform that was sitting before her in her office. "But at the Nadder Naval Job Placement Center, we truly appreciate it when someone brings in a Deadly Nadder with her," she added with a wink.
"Thank you," Astrid said with a friendly smile as she glanced behind her at the curled up Stormfly resting in the dragon nest in the back corner of the office.
By law—due to Berk being the only homeland of dragons in the entirety of the world—all official places of public gathering, business, and medical practice were required to accommodate dragons with their owners. This made for exceptionally large doorways and very comfy straw-lined corner-located beds.
"So, what can I do for you?" The NNJPC lady asked as she folded her hands together on her desk and looked at Astrid expectantly.
"Well, my employer is looking for a captain for a high-end cruise ship." Astrid began as she crossed one of her legs over the other and folded her hands into her lap in a mirror image of the other woman's hands upon her desk while maintaining her friendly smile.
"Perfect," the elderly lady said happily as she began to type some commands into her keyboard while clicking softly with her mouse, "we have some of the best candidates in the entire archipelago."
Astrid kept her smile in place as she held up one hand to halt the women in her tracks, "great," she said before pausing for a second, "but we are…an unconventional cruise line…and we are all about giving everyone a chance…"
"Sounds good," the manager said cheerfully while she continued to type and click.
"…yes…so we were hoping…" Astrid let her eyes drift off to the side to glance at the promising captains along the walls—she pointedly ignored Captain Ansson's faded photo mixed in with them—before continuing. "…that we could start at the bottom of your deck and work our way up from there!" She tried to add some excitement to her voice and make the offer sound as fun and friendly as she could, but the manager still gave her a quizzical glance.
"So…you want the worst candidates first?" She asked as she sighed internally and began to reorganize her stack of candidates on the screen.
"Exactly." Astrid confirmed as she fidgeted and moved one of her legs to the other while the woman turned the screen around on her desk for Astrid to see.
"Well, the very worst candidate is a man by the name of Henry Horrendous…he actually just got fired today come to think of it…" She said to Astrid as the blonde beauty's blue eyes took in the information on the screen with extreme interest.
"Gullibility through the roof, extremely low on natural authority, a complete lack of alphaness, an absurd vacancy of suspiciousness…hmm!" She murmured as she read the information printed out beside the man's face—which had a large DO NOT HIRE in red bold letters printed across his photo—that basically told her he would be the worst man to command a ship. Ever.
Even if that ship was on land it's entire career.
"He was ranked the absolute bottom of his class and he has all of the…qualities…you are not looking for in a leader…or a captain of a ship for that matter…as you can see here-" The older woman went on, wondering how she had ever gotten into the situation where she was pitching such a, well, horrendous candidate to a sailing company.
Without missing a beat, Astrid raised a finger to pause the women and said, "he seems like the perfect fit for my employer, we'll hire him!"
"Really?" The NNJPC woman said in stunned amazement as she stared at Astrid with complete confusion clouding her face before she shrugged and smiled politely as she pulled out her phone. "Wow…that's great to hear! I'm going to make such a huge deal about this and tell absolutely everyone about it," she added as she began to tap rapid-fire into the device.
Astrid felt her stomach go tight at the thought of Mr. Bloodvist hearing that statement, much less hearing about any publicity that was directed towards his…operations. "Um…Mrs. Porter, it is of the utmost importance to my employer that we maintain discretion here." She stated quickly as the other woman snapped a quick photo of her.
"Are you kidding? I'm already making an Instagram post about it for our 900 thousand followers!" She cried as she continued to type, "with our following, this is bound to go viral and you and your employer should have your name and face all over it!"
Astrid sighed deeply and shook her head as she made a signal to Stormfly, "I'm so terribly sorry Mrs. Porter, but we can't have that."
She felt a sharp gust of air as a razor-sharp needle flew past her ear and impaled itself on Mrs. Porter's forehead. The discharged needle from Stormfly's tail killed her instantly and wordlessly as she fell backwards in a spray of blood that coated Astrid's face in light pink and red sprinkles.
Almost immediately, a secretary from out on the main floor of the office knocked and came in with a stack of paperwork for her boss and gasped at the gruesome sight before her. Astrid sighed and turned to face the horror-stricken woman in the doorway.
"So sorry." She said professionally as she made another gesture, and another needle was flung by the dragon. The secretary's head bounced off the door as another spray of blood peppered Astrid's face and uniform before she collapsed halfway in the doorway and the main office.
The front desk clerk gasped audibly in horror as Astrid said, "so sorry," again and another needle flew across the air and through the doorway. She walked out into the main room and glanced at the people staring at her in shock and fear as Stormfly followed her into the main floor, her armored tail already spinning and dealing out death.
"So sorry." A sailor waiting to be interviewed by the late hiring manager for a potential job that could change his life.
"So sorry." A kind-faced manager walking in from his office across the main floor, a worried look on his face as he checked on the commotion outside his door.
"So sorry." A delivery man that just had the sheer bad luck to be dropping off packages at that exact moment.
Astrid stood in the center of the room, caked liberally in blood, as Stormfly prowled around the room looking for any survivors.
A flush sounded and a man entered the room from the bathroom and stared in muted, dumbfounded horror at the carnage before him. He slowly held up a copy of the hiring magazine before his face like a shield.
A needle blew straight through the magazine and left a hole where a smiling young captain's face had been, right above the YOU TOO CAN BE GREAT script written below him. The man's body slumped to the ground; the bathroom door covered in a gory blood splatter to match the rest of the office's walls and floors.
Hel and all her hosts… Astrid thought in numb awe at the carnage the dragon had wrought in only a few moments. She had worked for Mr. Bloodvist for nearly fifteen of her twenty-two years, and she was always amazed at the capacity for violence she could summon up in a moment's notice if needed.
Astrid gazed around the room once more, taking it all in, before walking into the employee break room and unhooking the gas connections behind the small stove that sat in the back corner mainly for the purpose of boiling tea. She walked back into the main room and then all the subsequent side rooms and bathrooms before exiting the office building, satisfied the small facility had no more members of the living community within its walls.
Eret glanced up from his nearly completed sudoku puzzle and cocked an eyebrow at her expression, "not exactly to plan, eh?"
Astrid just grunted and—mounting Stormfly—gave a command to the dragon with the reigns in her hands, which caused the deadly nadder to begin to spew fire onto the walls of the office building. Eret wasted no time in sitting up in his own saddle and giving the same command to Skullcrusher, who shot his own fire forward to help demolish the building into an absolute fireball.
"Smooth, very smooth," Eret commented as the two took off into the sky as the building began to smoke and burn across its entirety like a massive funeral pyre. "Did we at least get a new capitan?" He inquired as the wind whipped past them once they broke the cloud cover and began to head off towards the recently repainted and renamed Berk Princess.
"Haddock," she said simply, "Captain Henry Haddock."
Far below the two criminals, the NNJPC building's exposed gas connections met the dragon fire in a sparkling embrace that caused a chain reaction. Within fractions of a second, the office building blew up in a violent explosion that sent debris raining in eight different directions across three different townships.
"Well…I'll be cocked," Frida said in shock as she glanced at the note crowning the uniform lying pristinely within the equally pristine white and gold box on her doorstep. She paused and collected herself before shouting, "Gothi! Go get Horrendous' breakfast ready in the sunroom!"
"Eh?" The elderly maid asked in shock as the matriarch hurried past her and up the grand staircase to grab her husband. In short order, both Frida and Spitelout hurried out of the house and across the yard to fetch their new favorite son.
"Horrendous!" Frida cried cheerfully, "darling! Breakfast is ready!"
"Wha…huh? For me?" Henry said in sleepy confusion as he was roused from sleep before he poked his head out his bedroom window and found his mother and father standing down there, beaming up at him.
"Yes! For you!" His mother confirmed before gesturing towards the house he had been barred from every day for the last two decades straight, "come on inside, my little scoundrel you!"
Utterly bewildered now, Henry clambered down the recently returned ladder and stumbled across the yard in a daze before entering the sunroom to find a place set for him. There was an epic spread of food before him, it was so large that it even dwarfed Scott's own considerable breakfast feast.
"Horrendous, darling, we have missed you so much," his mother stated as Gothi pulled out his chair and seated him at the table before the massive breakfast meal.
"Uh…since yesterday?" Henry inquired in confusion as he tried to wrap his mind around this altered reality he had apparently awoken to.
His mother guffawed and his father chuckled while they held each other as if he had made some hilarious joke. "Yes, since yesterday!" She cried out as she wiped tears from her eyes and inspected him critically, "did you sleep okay? Get enough rest darling?"
Scott, for his part, looked just as absolutely bewildered as Henry did, only his shock was mingled with horror instead of amazement. "Oh…okay. Okay. What is going on here?!" He demanded as he stabbed his breakfast fork into the half-sliced tangerine in front of him with complete disdain. "Please, mom, this is…this is disgusting…" He stood and walked towards his parents while gesturing madly at Henry, "it's absolutely…yuck…revolting!"
"What?" Frida questioned, "can I not tell my favorite son that I love him and miss him?"
Henry's jaw fell open, slack with even more shock as Scott stopped dead in his tracks as if struck.
"What?!" Scott erupted as he began to wave his arms even more dramatically as he wailed, "I'm…I'm the favorite! D-dad! Tell her!"
Spitelout simply glanced at his son and said calmly, "sorry, Scott. We don't favor any of our children," he gestured at himself and his wife, "but if I were to choose, which I won't…right now…it would be Horrendous."
"Me too." Frida agreed as they both smiled warmly at Henry, "if I had to choose…if I was pushed into a corner…"
Henry and Scott continued to mirror each other's faces for a few more moments of stunned silence before Scott erupted once more as Henry raised a single finger in question.
"You guys do remember my name is-"
"Oooookay…what kind of bizarre charade is this!?" Scott roared over Henry's own question as he fought equal measures of horror and revulsion at the idea that his parents—the very definition of rich and successful—would choose Horrendous—the very definition of not rich and successful—over himself.
"I-" Frida started to say.
"We-" Spitelout also began.
"You guys always say you 'dread the day he was born' and that he's 'such a massive loser and failure'," Scott ranted as he paced before his parents while they shook their heads and waved their arms at him in denial. Scott continued, completely ignoring them as he vented his fury and confusion at them "…and that you had hoped for so long that one day his parents would come back from the grave and 'get rid of his whiny and unsuccessful ass', you guys always say that!"
"That's enough Scott," his father said firmly, admonishing his son before pointing him to the far end of the room.
"Yes, Scott. Shoo, shoo!" His mother agreed before gesturing for him to make himself scare.
I really have to be dreaming…this is all a dream, right? Henry thought, still in his half-awake stupor, as he watched the family drama play out around him.
His mother picked up a pristine white and gold box from its' place sitting on a chair beside the dining table and placed it before Henry's untouched breakfast. "This came for you today from the Berk Princess, my darling son" she said as she opened the box to reveal an equally pristine white captain's uniform and cap inside, a small note sat atop the white crown of the captain's cap.
"You have received a formal job offer to be her captain, my boy!" Spitelout cried out as well as the couple stood behind him now with pride in their eyes.
"…wow…oh…wow…" Henry murmured in utter awe as he gazed upon the very thing, the very position he had been so desperate to have as his very own, now before him on a literal silver platter.
"WHAT!?" Scott screamed so loud that several of the fine crystal wine glasses clear across the room shattered like gunshots. He advanced quickly back to the breakfast table in a renewed rage and alternated between snarling and whimpering as he somehow also included a few nervous chuckles as his entire understanding of the universe came apart around him.
"We're kidding, right? We're…we're joking, right? This is a joke? Haha! This is a joke, please say it's a joke, right?!" He demanded of his parents, who averted their gazes when he tried to meet them in a desperate attempt to make this charade of a morning go back to how things normally were for him, with him on top and Henry nowhere in sight, much less whatever this was.
"What…you'll…you'll be the worst captain on earth!" Scott added in a slightly weakened state of anger that was cooling to vast confusion and frustration.
"I DON'T GET IT!" He cried out as Henry picked up the cap with the note on it.
Dear Captain Haddock,
Please accept this uniform as a token of my appreciation for your most unique qualities and skills. I would be ever so pleased if you would join my enterprise as Captain of my flagship, the Berk Princess, effective immediately. Please understand that due to the formalities involved, the contract signing will, obviously, be aboard ship and very private. Please do not bring any family or friends…or anyone else.
DB.
"I. DON'T. GET. IT." Scott cried up into the heavens as Henry swore he heard maniacal laughter off in the far distance as crows flew off from the tops of the trees outside.
"There he is!" The large man shrouded in shadows cackled to the large black dragon curled on the floor before his feet. The two watched on a large video display as an awkward and lanky auburn-haired man descended the steps of a manse with what appeared to be an elderly couple hanging back just slightly while an even more elderly maid watched on with pride off to the side.
The boy was garbed in a brand-new captain's uniform that was clearly "off-the-cuff" and not tailored to his body. It looked loose fitting and almost adolescent as he nervously made his way to the limo that had been sent to collect him and bring him to the airport, where his final destination was the Berk Princess, currently anchored in port on the island of Frigg.
"That is the future of my enterprise! My very own captain to mold and manipulate into the perfect insurance policy for all of my operations around the globe!" He cried as he smiled wickedly and evilly as the dragon growled softly in agreement.
"He shall truly be…horrendous!"
"Thank you…uh…I…oh okay…" Henry said as the stewardess escorting him out of the arrival terminal turned around and walked off without a backward glance at him after they had cleared the archway. He looked around nervously and pulled at his tie slightly before walking forward deeper into the lobby of the airport.
As he reached the end of the lobby and began to near the doors, he saw a tall and muscular man in a crisp black suit holding a sign that said CAPTAIN HORRENDOUS in bold black letters.
He squinted and read the sign twice over before glancing around the lobby quickly and then rescanning the sign one last time before awkwardly pointing at himself and chuckling. "Hi," he said nervously to the tall blonde man, "I'm Henry Haddock…um…I don't-"
The man's features—originally suspicious and slightly guarded—immediately cleared into a face of warmth and joy as he smiled at the awkward man before him. "Oh, good day Captain," he said grandly while casually taking his right hand out from behind the small of his back, "Nice to meet you! My name is Tuffnut! So sorry about the sign, I hope Astrid doesn't hear about that…she'd kill me," he chuckled maniacally as he tossed the sign behind him—where it hit a random passerby as they walked across the lobby, dropping them like a sack of potatoes instantly.
"Oh…nice to meet you…um, I-I mean-" Henry began to say but was cut off as the man grabbed his luggage from him and before he could try to shake his hand, Tuffnut began to direct him towards the doors of the lobby that let outside into the bright Frigg sunlight.
"No manual labor for the captain, eh?" The blonde man said, still utterly cheerful, as they exited the airport and began to make their way across the parking lot and towards a sprawling pier. "I like your button," he added as he slipped on a pair of dark sunglasses and whispered softly into a earpiece in his left ear.
"Oh…this silly thing? The…uh, the stewardess gave it to me…" Henry admitted as he poked at the large white button on his uniform coat that said HI! I AM TRAVELLING ALONE in large bold letters with a smiley face covering the background. "She said it was because I seemed so insecure…and asked so many questions…and uh…I seemed so very needy?" He added as he tore it from his jacket and put it in a pocket out of sight, "It…it's classic flight humor…haha…"
Tuffnut glanced at him briefly before nodding his head noncommittedly and replying "cool, let's get you aboard."
A short while later—and after a non-too-gentle boat ride that made Henry question if he would ever look at a speed boat the same way again—Henry deposited himself onto a boat launch platform with the eagerness of a man finding land after nearly drowning for fifteen horrible minutes.
"Yup," Tuffnut said happily as he brought Henry's luggage aboard with a chuckle, "that was definitely a new land speed record if I don't say so myself!"
"Uh…yeah," Henry agreed before the big blonde man began to head towards a hatch built into the side of the ship while gesturing for him to go up a stairway that would lead to the main deck of the ship.
"You go on and get up top and I'll bring your bags to your quarters," Tuffnut said happily as he unlocked the hatch and began to step inside the ship.
"Oh, um, great? Thanks, uh…I guess I just start…captaining?" Henry asked, slightly terrified at the thought of being left alone on the platform and even more terrified of being thrust into the position of captain so suddenly.
Is there, like, a crash-course captaining course I can study real quick? He thought in a daze as Tuffnut nodded simply at him.
"Just go on up top. That's all I know. Sorry." He stated before shutting the hatch and locking it behind him.
Left with no other choice—he was not going near that speed boat again if he could help it—Henry walked up the stairs and boarded the Berk Princess. He wandered around the completely abandoned main deck for a few minutes before making his way into the interior of the ship, which was likewise completely abandoned.
He toured the main promenade at the heart of the ship, the main concierge, even the kitchens and eventually the main pool deck, but there was not a soul to be found aboard the ship. Henry began to wonder if this was all some absolutely horrible prank orchestrated by Scott and his parents, but a small part of his brain reminded himself that Scott was a terrible actor, and his parents wouldn't waste the kind of money that this prank would entail.
He hoped so at least.
"SURPRISE!" A chorus of voices roared at him as he entered the forward dining compartment, and a mass of uniformed individuals arose from hiding places across the space and began to cheer and clap thunderously.
A mass of confetti shot out everywhere and a massive 'WELCOME!' banner dropped from the ceiling while two large men walked towards Henry and picked him up. As he was brought towards the crowd, a stunning woman with raven black hair offered him a drink and a brunette threw a colorful lei up and over his head to hang around his neck.
Completely taken aback, Henry smiled nervously and waved as he was brought through the crowd and towards a platform at the back to the shouts of "The new captain!" and "Whoo! Go new captain!"
Henry was deposited onto the platform between a tall, tan, and extremely muscular man and a tall, tan, and extremely beautiful blonde woman, both of whom smiled at him. "Welcome aboard, brother," the man greeted warmly and hugged him tightly before stepping back and reaching for the microphone nearby.
"Welcome aboard, Captain," the woman said softly and sensually as she hugged him just as tightly—her ample chest pressing against his own with surprising heat—before kissing him softly on the cheek and stepping back as he blushed as bright red as his hair.
"Please, everyone, help me welcome a man of great honor!" The man said as the crowd cheered, "help me welcome a man who I sincerely hope will become one of my best friends and confidants here. Help me welcome the man who we will all depend on to guide us safely across the many seas and oceans of the world," he paused dramatically as the crowd continued to cheer while Hiccup downed half of his drink as he absorbed both the peck to the cheek from the woman and the words that were being said by the man. "Who, he alone, will have sole responsibility for any and all cargo aboard this ship. Please give a warm welcome to the man of the hour, the one and only, Captain Haddock!"
Hiccup was thunderstruck at the applause and how happy everyone seemed to be to meet him and being a complete stranger to affection and warmth for most of his life, he was rapidly becoming overwhelmed with the emotions flowing around inside of him. He downed the rest of his drank and opened his mouth, "uh-actually, my last name is…uh" he paused as he realized they had actually gotten it right.
Wow…that has never happened before…
He was so surprised—and growing so rapidly tipsy—that he actually hiccupped loudly before he could catch himself.
"Oh," the man said in surprise after glancing at the woman, who shrugged back at him, "well my apologies, please welcome Captain Hiccup!" He cried and the crowd cheered even louder than before as they all smiled at him warmly.
Oh, well that just figures, Hiccup thought to himself before a large key was thrust into his hands by the woman.
"Please accept the key to the ship!" The man continued as the woman walked off to a table at the back of the platform and picked up an extensive contract and began to walk back towards them.
"Oh…uh…this is…uh great…really great…" Hiccup stated as a large and heavily tattooed man hopped onto the stage and snatched the microphone away from the first man.
"Hey guys!" The dark-haired man said cheerfully, "I just wanted to take this opportunity to let everyone know I am new aboard the ship as well…my name is Dagur and I worked for thirteen wonderful years in the Beserker Murder Gang-"
The first man pushed the second man off the stage and into the crowd before he could say any more and spoke quickly before Hiccup could even begin to register—much less comment—on that statement, "but back to what this is really about," he said as he gestured at Hiccup, "our new captain…and first up, the ritual signing of documents!"
The beautiful woman smiled radiantly at him through hooded eyes and offered the contract to him with an elaborate and ornate pen. Hiccup chuckled nervously and leaned forward to sign the signature block at the bottom of the impressive stack of white legal pages, "there…you…go!" He cried as he bowed dramatically for the crowd, "my first signature!"
"And initials on every page, please," the man said as he indicated the papers again and the woman winked at him, causing him to blush and begin to initial the pages without even pausing to read them, "just a bit of fun, haha."
"Oh, this is…haha…such fun, yeah…haha…" Hiccup agreed, chuckling, and laughing with the pair as the crowd continued to cheer and clap for him while he scribbled. "What a welcome! Thank you, you guys!" He gushed as the last page was signed, causing the blonde woman to immediately walk off while the man pulled him back towards the front of the stage.
"Thank you, my friend," the muscular man said warmly as Hiccup held the key up with one hand to the crowd's delight.
"It's done." Astrid's voice came over the earpiece crisply.
Tuffnut nodded and keyed his own earpiece, "okay, roger that." He turned towards the various thugs in coveralls bearing the logo of the Berk Princess and said, "okay, people, the documents are signed. Time to get to work."
The crew immediately began the process of sealing lids and loading crate upon crate into the cargo hold of the ship. Each one contained countless firearms, cases of ammunition, body armor, and other items of an extremely illegal nature.
This would be a very profitable cruise it seemed.
A/N: So, there it is, the first chapter of the new fic. I apologize to anyone that may have had to re-read this chapter following the rewrite, but it just didn't sit well with me how much the original chapter parroted the show, and it just didn't feel like HTTYD was meshing with CF as much as it was just a skin being used over the CF framework. I hope you all enjoyed this chapter and I hope the quality that I feel was improved with the rewrite was worth the wait (I hate that I could have churned out chapter 2 in the time it took me to rewrite chapter 1).
Please let me know what you thought and feel free to follow and recommend me galore! Have a great day and I WILL C U NEXT TIME!