"Good thing we're alone," Neji muttered. "As I thought we'd be."
Of course we are. I hate this place, Ten-ten silently rebutted. Instead, she nodded and answered with a let's get this over with.
The classified stacks of the hidden leaf library cast an instant shadow over Ten-ten's mood. Shelves of dusty scrolls and bound volumes stood watch over the silent halls. Ten-ten much preferred the popular reading section, where she could spend hours browsing her favorite romance novels. Though every chunin and jounin had access to the stacks, most shinobi asked librarians to retrieve whatever they needed rather than venture in themselves.
Neji's request for access shocked the librarian reading at the counter. To Ten-ten, the young woman appeared relieved that for once, a shinobi client didn't create more work for her.
He'd claimed they needed to touch the scrolls and see the titles on the shelves with their own eyes. On their upcoming mission, an otherwise overlooked piece of knowledge could mean the difference between life and death. Despite Neji's insistence on taking this research trip, Ten-ten knew he had no great love for the stacks either.
At least they had privacy. Rock Lee utterly lacked an indoor voice or restraint around fragile objects – so leaving him behind was only logical. Taking two steps forward, Ten-ten laid her hand on the small of Neji's back, a silent invitation. A brief fantasy stirred heat in her core. She imagined her back pressed against the thick periodicals along the outer wall, with Neji's lips plucking at her neck.
"Not right now, Ten-ten."
She retracted her hand with a huff.
"Fine," she sighed. "Forgive me for trying to make this bearable. We are alone, right? You must have scanned the entire stacks with your Byakugan for a reason."
Pausing in the middle of a corridor, Neji set his hands on his hips and smirked at Ten-ten. He brushed the stray bangs from her face and shook his head. That pair of gestures always told her you're an idiot, and I can't believe I put up with you.
"Set your dirty mind to rest. I have a different reason for bringing us here alone."
Ten-ten's breath snagged on the sudden swell in her throat. Researching for a mission didn't require the degree of secrecy Neji seemed intent on maintaining. Shinobi weren't supposed to discuss missions freely with civilians, but they could and did mention them with one another. Still, Neji wouldn't tolerate even the presence of other colleagues in the stacks with them.
"You were going to do research on the Land of Rivers, weren't you?" she stammered, her voice faltering. "I...really don't know why…?"
Ten-ten rebuked herself for not pressing Neji for answers earlier. Not when she met him at the library door. Not even when he commented on their solitude as they entered the stacks.
Neji lifted Ten-ten's chin with two fingertips so he could kiss her. The unexpected brush of his puckered lips sent shivers across her skin, disarming her as usual.
"That's only one reason," Neji admitted. "I also have my own ends. I'm thinking of us, and our future."
Ten-ten preferred not to consider their future, because she saw none and Neji didn't either. In one of his more vulnerable moments, he sobbed that his uncle would soon marry him to a proper Hyuga wife. When he recounted his fate, Neji's voice held none of his trademark resolve. The capitulation shook Ten-ten to her core. Yet as he cried, he didn't wave away her kiss or say no when she snaked her arms around him.
While she savored their secret intimacy, Ten-ten cast tomorrow from her mind. Their relationship was a collection of stolen moments, open-ended but somehow always leading into more. But if they were to find a way to defy fate, a library wasn't where she would begin.
"Our future. Yeah, our future...as librarians?"
Neji's white eyes rolled sidelong.
"No, Ten-ten. Not as librarians. What I mean is that we could be like this for the rest of our lives," he whispered.
The smile dancing on his lips invited Ten-ten to hope with him. Then Neji grinned and the corners of his eyes tapered – the rarest sight of all. She rushed to envelop him and lay her head on his shoulder, relishing the fit of their bodies.
"Hey, you mean you're going to find a way to make your uncle fuck off?"
"Not exactly." Neji's brows knit. "This is where the library comes in. We need to be discreet if this is going to work."
Ten-ten could manage discretion. The academy honed her stealth abilities, but the greatest test was keeping her love for her teammate secret for two years. Lee had to be convinced that they were engaged in a breathing exercise after the one time he saw them kissing. Otherwise, few in the village suspected anything could happen between temperamental, outgoing Ten-ten and aloof, cool Neji.
"Oh…"
Ten-ten lifted her head to face Neji's still-smiling eyes.
"We wouldn't need to hide anymore."
"You're saying...if this plan of yours works?"
"Yes."
His single word answer said everything she needed to hear – and nothing at all. When he promised something, he meant it. However, Neji still disclosed nothing about how he would deliver the impossible – cutting through the divide between a Hyuga and a non-clan kunoichi. He set his index finger against her parted lips when she moved to ask for details.
After lingering in her arms a moment longer, Neji disentangled and wove from shelf to shelf. Ten-ten wondered what he searched for as he swiped the occasional book or scroll with quick, decisive motions.
"I mean...what's the plan, huh?" Ten-ten pressed, after one fruitless search through a row of old intelligence reports. "I'm going to be a part of this, so I should know. I want to help you."
Neji didn't slow until he turned a corner, out of her sight. When they nearly collided, Ten-ten caught an almost apologetic expression on his face. His pause allowed her a look at the items in his hands – texts on surviving undercover, infiltration, faking death, sneaking past borders. Ten-ten gasped. Her eyes darted from Neji to the books and scrolls in his hands.
"What's all this for? We're not going undercover for this mission –"
"Ten-ten. This is about us, not the mission."
Releasing a low whistle, Ten-ten released a string of curses.
"You mean...we're leaving here? Forever?"
"It's difficult, yes. But there's no way we could have a future in the village, or so long as they believe we're alive."
The plan came with steep costs if they failed. An attempted defection from the clan would mean torture and possible execution for Neji. Ten-ten would lose her place as a kunoichi and probably forfeit her inheritance from her parents.
"You're right," she admitted. "With your uncle and my parents...and everything. We can't be together here. Gods, I can't believe you would think of this."
Neji's eyes lowered to meet hers.
"So you mean to follow me? If you'd like to help, you can search the books for information while we have time in the archives."
Speaking of his plan returned the fire to his voice.
"Oh –"
"This was the only way I could conduct research without drawing suspicions our way."
"I-I don't know. I don't know if I could do it."
Ten-ten rolled her lower lip between her teeth and shook her head.
Neji's plan was a different kind of capitulation to fate, but at least it offered a way to preserve their love. Even if it meant accepting the clan and village would never change their broken ways. As Neji aged alongside Ten-ten, his ambitions became much less bold, she realized. She'd listened in awe as he rambled about shattering the entire damn system. Now, Neji no longer spoke of proving his worth to the main clan or of open rebellion. He currently pinned his hopes on living a peaceful life in defiance of those who wanted to separate them.
"I'd walk away from everything for you. I love you."
"Me too. You know I fucking love you."
"You're all I've thought – every time my uncle brings me to meet some cousin who's equally uninterested in marrying me."
"Shit, really?"
As Neji's 18th birthday approached, he neared the age of marriage for most Hyuga. Little wonder that he found such urgency in what she assumed was a mundane research trip.
Rather than answering with words, he set his books and scrolls on the linoleum tiles next to them. Heat passed between them when he crushed their lips together. Swept in the intensity of his kiss, Ten-ten released a muffled gasp and braced her hands on either shoulder.
"This mission will be our last," he declared. "I'd never force you into anything, but if you decide to follow, then let's try to move as quickly as possible."
Team Gai departed for their mission to the Land of Rivers in two weeks. Ten-ten had little time to decide her priorities. Did Neji mean more to her than her dreams of becoming Tsunade's successor? More than supporting her parents in their old age? While leaving an oppressive clan didn't pose any obstacle to Neji, surely he could understand whatweighedon her conscience. Two weeks gave her enough time to say goodbye to her parents, but not nearly enough to prime them for discovering their daughter's "death." No amount of time would prepare them.
Perhaps that's why Neji and Ten-ten had remained in limbo for two years. They kept their eyes on one another in the present moment to avoid difficult choices.
"I don't know. I just don't know. This is so sudden...and you need to understand, I'm trying to wrap my whole head around it."
"Very well."
Neji released her and brought his reading materials to a nearby desk. His brisk, abrupt steps told Ten-ten that her indecision left him hurt. He flipped through a book, skipping page by page so quickly he couldn't possibly have read the text. After closing one volume and slamming it on the desk, his head lowered into his hands and he cursed. Suddenly self-conscious about her presence, Ten-ten took delicate steps toward him before pulling a chair from the desk and seating herself by his side.
"Hey," Ten-ten whispered. "I love you. You know that, right?"
She balled her fists until her knuckles turned pale, bracing herself for backlash from her lover. Instead, Neji looked regretful when he finally raised his eyes to meet her gaze.
"You seem overwhelmed."
"...yeah."
"It's my fault. I allowed you to be my escape, without thinking of what that meant for you. I need you now, though."
Admitting his vulnerabilities didn't come easy to Neji. Each word seemed wrested from stone, a hard-fought effort to make her realize how much he depended on her.
The lovers stewed in awkward silence. Dust caught sunlight from the slit-like windows above the shelves, shining as it drifted through the air.
Minutes or hours later, Ten-ten slid a book to her side of the table – a guide to infiltrating national borders. Neji said nothing, but followed suit by opening a book of his own. She flipped the cover open, the aging paper rough against her fingers. Then she read the first page, skipped forward a few chapters and read another page. Ten-ten pictured her future in the book's prescriptions about disguises and best practices for evading shinobi guards.
She'd need to become someone else, with Neji as her only reminder of the true Ten-ten. Ten-ten would adopt a new name and alter her appearance so she could pass even without a transformation. But even if she remained in the village as Ten-ten, leaving Neji forever would tear out a fundamental part of her.
His white eyes scanned his book, fingers occasionally folding the top corner of a page to mark something notable. He continued reading until he cleared his throat. He probably needed to start looking for books about the Land of Rivers, he said. That was what brought them to the library, after all.
While Neji wove through the stacks again, Ten-ten swiped the book he'd been reading – a guide to surviving outside civilization. He had marked pages about surviving on wild plants and animals, guides to distinguishing friendly travelers from enemies in waiting. In the village, Ten-ten could consider most everyone a potential friend. The hidden leaf's defenses and the hokage's protection meant she could sleep without worry within its walls.
Neji had assembled quite the guide to becoming a missing-nin. In the resources it compiled for its military benefit, the village ironically offered much of the knowledge he needed to defect.
Ten-ten almost screamed when Neji's hands settled on her shoulders, feather light.
"What do you think?" he breathed out. Everything about his approach seemed calibrated to disrupt her as little as possible.
"Um. About what?"
"I see you've been reading. Doing some research of your own while I left to give you space."
"Oh. Yeah, I've looked through some of what you left here. It...sounds scary."
She closed the book with a soft thud and stood to face Neji. Ten-ten slipped her fingers beneath the locks of hair around his face and pressed her thumb into his cheek. Sighing, he leaned into her hand.
"We could do it together. I...believe you wouldn't be whole without me, either. You're the first person I've ever loved this way, and I imagine you'll be the last – even if you leave me."
His soft voice held absolute confidence and certainty. Ten-ten wanted to answer that he was also her first, and hopefully her last. Yet when she tried to speak, only a hiccuping cry rose from her throat.
"I want to, Neji. I really, really do."
Ten-ten fell into his shoulder and began to cry in earnest. She released tears and snot into his crisp cotton shirt until the lack of air stopped her from crying more. Neji kissed her temple, humming next to her ear and whispering that he'd love her regardless of her decision. She spilled every thought – big and trivial – and he listened. That was one thing she appreciated about her lover. He didn't need to fill every silence with words, but knew how to comfort her in far more profound ways. It was in those moments that Ten-ten really felt his love.
"I understand. I'll let you go, and forget all of this if you want."
Neji kept his voice level for her sake, though Ten-ten guessed he must have broken inside. He still put her first, despite the selfish impulses that demanded he possess her and claim her for himself. Ten-ten had heard that was the mark of true love – when one lover valued another enough to let them go. He loved her more than he loved himself. The books laid their future out before her – and it wasn't an easy one. But their trust had carried them through trying missions and near-death experiences. Neji would stay by her, ensuring her safety. Just as he had when he carried her five miles to a hospital through blinding rain.
So Ten-ten concluded that she could never have anyone else.
"You don't ever have to let me go, Neji," she answered. "You'll never have to worry that they'll take you away from me."
A relieved breath hit her face and Neji pulled her close.
"It'll be worth it. Far more than anything we've ever done."
"You're worth it, Neji," Ten-ten concurred. "We'll have forever ahead of us."