It's been a while since Gaby went to Sunday mass, but her abuela wants her to go, and she needs to get out of the apartment. Her second day here and she's already feeling trapped.

Claustrophobic in a way she's not felt before.

She lays in her bed, curled up with the comforter up to her chin. Her alarm keeps going off and she knows she has to get ready eventually. Her abuela is picking her up in an hour, and her anxiety is bad. She switches on her bedside lamp, the light making her eyes squint. She takes a moment to motivate herself; she can do this. She wants to do this. She doesn't have anything else to do this morning, apart from staying home and watching tv. She can't practise the violin, because her dad doesn't want the neighbours to be disturbed and then complain. She feels like a burden, and she hates it.

She pulls the cover off her and swings her legs off the side of the bed. She looks down at her bare feet on the hardwood floor and thinks about what she'll wear. A dress probably, which she hates. Dresses make her feel uncomfortable. She doesn't like how feminine she looks in them, how they always attract the wrong sort of attention to her. But it's not like she can wear a suit to mass, her abuela would kill her.

A fly buzzes around her head and she tries to swat it away. The fly plants itself on the blinds. Gaby looks at it, her toes curling. She gets to her feet and rolls up the blinds. She opens the window, there are grey skies today and she worries it's going to rain. The fly flitters out of the window. She shuts it again, not wanting any more pests to come into her room. New York is like that in the summer. She walks over to her closet, picks a dress off a hanger and heads to the bathroom. The apartment is quiet, the door to her dad's room is shut. She thinks he might still be sleeping. She doesn't blame him, it's pretty early.

She locks the bathroom door and sets her clothes on the counter. The bathroom is a mess, there's all her stuff everywhere. She tries to clean up a bit, thinking her dad won't appreciate it much, and manages to store most of her products in the cabinets. Some of his stuff goes in the cabinet also for more space, she thinks he won't mind. She plays music on her phone. Jamal made her a playlist before she left St. Louis and she's been listening to it non-stop. She strips, kicking her pyjamas to the corner next to the laundry hamper. She steps into the shower and turns on the water. It's cold at first but heats up quickly. She takes her time shampooing her braids, enjoying the spray of hot water. The water pressure is good here, it feels nice on her skin. After another minute, she switches off the water. She steps out and grabs a towel off the shelf. It's soft and fluffy and lilac. Her towel. She inhales the scent, then dries off, wrapping the towel around herself as she searches for the hair dryer. She knows her dad has one. Usually under the sink. She grabs it and plugs it in, starting to dry her hair.

There's a knock on the bathroom door.

"Hurry up," her dad says.

She switches off the hair dryer. "Two minutes."

"You're leaving soon."

"I know."

He walks away.

She goes back to getting ready.

She steps out of the bathroom not long after and finds her dad in the kitchen, making coffee in his pyjamas. His laptop is sitting half open on the counter with a pile of paperwork. Gaby smiles at him and walks to the coffee machine, it's the fancy kind. She doesn't usually have coffee, hates the bitter taste, but she knows she'll need a cup if she's going to make it through today. There's no milk, of course there's no milk. She adds three and a half spoons of sugar and then stirs. Her dad watches her, looking horrified. She gives him a shrug. He shakes his head but says nothing.

Later, she thinks they could get lunch together with her abuela if he's free. He works from home most Sundays. Whenever she'd visit, he made it a point to spend his Sundays with her. She's not sure if that's going to change now that she'll be living here full time. But they went to museums, central park, and went boating on the lake. She almost fell in the water one time when she was fourteen, scared him half to death, she couldn't stop joking about it because obviously she knew how to swim. They went to a nice sushi restaurant that evening and had dessert on the house. He told her he was proud of the woman she was becoming, and she felt so embarrassed, like why did he have to say that sort of thing in public in front of all these people. She'd buried her face in her napkin and begged him to please shut up. He'd laughed, like that was the funniest shit he'd heard, and then started talking to her about a Broadway musical that they could go see while she was there. She fell in love with Wicked, bought the CD and learnt all of the words to the songs. She listened to it for weeks. By the end of summer, her dad was so done with the musical, he couldn't stand listening to anymore of it.

"Your abuela should be here soon," he says.

"Yeah."

"She's looking forward to seeing you."

She bites her tongue. "I know."

She goes over to the couch and takes a seat. He leans over the counter in the kitchen, arms crossed casually. They're quiet for a bit as they finish their coffees. She's sort of dreading seeing her abuela this morning. She feels nervous about church, restless like she can't stop twitching her leg. She tries doing the breathing exercises she learnt, in through her nose and out through her mouth.

Her mom's the only one who's ever seen her have a panic attack, but her mom's a therapist so she knows how to handle it. She's not sure if her dad knows. The last one happened a couple of weeks ago, on the way home from the mall. It was the day she found out she got accepted into LaGuardia. She'd worked herself up thinking about how she wasn't good enough. She almost passed out and couldn't find a way to calm herself down. Her mom looked worried as she stopped the car on the side of the road, telling her to breathe, please breathe, it's going to be okay. She wonders if her mom told her dad that day, if that was who she called when she went out onto the balcony and spoke over the phone for half an hour.

The doorbell rings. Shit, this is too soon. She stands and follows her dad to the door. He opens the door and welcomes in her abuela. They hug and then her abuela looks at her. She gasps and Gaby's not sure what to do about that. She cups Gaby's cheeks with her soft hands.

"Gabriela, you changed your hair?"

Gaby nods. "Yeah," she says. "I wanted something different."

"I liked it before."

"Sorry, Lucci."

"No te preocupes, give me a hug."

They share a long hug. Her abuela smells like lavender and chamomile, she finds it comforting. Always the same. She rubs Gaby's back one last time and pulls away. She looks at Gaby's dad and raises her eyebrows at his pyjamas. He waves her off, unbothered, heading down the hall to the bathroom.

"Lunch is at one, Rafi," her abuela says. "I reserved a table at Fresco's down the street."

"Alright, see you later."

Gaby's surprised he didn't hold up more of a fight. She's happy, though. Last night wasn't great but hopefully today will be better. Fresco's will be nice too, they've been going there for years and it's her favourite Italian restaurant.

She goes to put on her shoes while her abuela washes the cups of coffee in the sink. She sends a text to her mom, letting her know what she'll be up to. Her mom replies, telling her to have fun. She sends back a heart emoji. She'll try, at least. She wonders what her mom's doing today, if she's spending the day with Nadine. But she wouldn't want to leave their cat alone again. There's Mr. Jones, their next-door neighbour who takes care of Oscar when they aren't there, but Oscar gets separation anxiety when her mom is gone too long. At least that's what Gaby calls it when he hides in dark tiny places and yowls. She misses Oscar. He'd sleep on her bed with her sometimes if she was having a bad night.

Her abuela is waiting for her by the door when she returns. They walk together to the church and it's a comfortable silence. The air is cool since it's early in the morning. There's already a small gathering outside the church. Her abuela says hello to everybody and introduces them to Gaby. They're taken aback by her, and she doesn't know how to feel about that. They all greet the priest as they walk in and take their seats.

Gaby's palms feel sweaty, her dress is too tight, and her feet are killing her because of these shoes. She tries to not think about it. She listens to the congregation and follows what her abuela is doing. It's peaceful. She looks at the stained-glass windows. She almost doesn't remember how to pray. The words slip her mind. She stands there with her hands in front of her and draws a blank. She keeps thinking about playing the violin and feels guilty. Her abuela suggested Gaby join the church choir while they were walking, but Gaby's not really sure that's her thing. The moment to pray passes and she feels stupid thanking God for nothing. She doesn't know what she really believes and hasn't been to church since Easter. But she's here because it's Sunday and her abuela prays.

It's over before she knows it and they're thanking the priest on their way out. He's a young man with kind eyes. Gaby likes him, he's funny. He reminds her a bit of Mr. Jones. She doesn't think about it long as the same group gathers again outside the church. They talk about going to lunch and her abuela excuses them, because today is family day. Gaby stays quiet but smiles politely when they address her. She's relieved when they leave, her abuela promising to come back next Sunday. She doesn't argue but she'd rather not come again so soon. Her abuela checks her watch.

"What shall we do? It's still early."

"Could we go home?"

"I suppose. Are you tired?"

"A little tired," Gaby says. "I want to change."

"We'll go home, then. I have to buy a few groceries for you anyway."

They go home first and Gaby changes into something more comfortable. Her dad is in his office, he closes the door when they arrive back. She thinks it's rude but knows he's got a lot to do for tomorrow's court hearing. Her abuela tells her to be quiet because he's working, and she has to stop herself from rolling her eyes. Like she doesn't know. She remembers when her abuela used to do that before her parents got divorced, but she's not eleven anymore. She's sixteen and finds that annoying. They head out to the shop and buy the groceries. They stock up the fridge once they return and Gaby's thankful for the abundance of food there is now.

Her abuela reads the newspaper while she watches an anime on her laptop. Spirited Away is a work of magic. She's seen it at least five times before but finds it comforting. There's something very relatable about the main character. At around 12:30, her dad comes out of his office. He's wearing jeans and a linen shirt and looks relaxed. She wonders if he's finished work for the day, she hopes so. He comes to sit with her on the couch and they watch the end of Spirited Away. He bought her the DVD back in 2008, he was living in a studio apartment on Bridge St, and she was staying with him for the summer. They watched the movie together on his futon, she remembers thinking it wasn't so bad, being there without her mom. She'd been worried because she hadn't seen him in months, but it turned out okay. They had a lot of fun and she didn't want to go back to St. Louis at the end of summer, she told him she missed New York, she missed him. He hugged her and she tried not to cry. They stayed up until late, eating popcorn and watching anime movies. She thinks about that night and misses how simple it used to be.

She closes her laptop as credits roll and puts it on the coffee table, stifling a yawn. Her abuela folds the newspaper and drops it on the kitchen counter. She looks at them and smiles, like it's been too long since she's seen either of them. There's some truth to that, Gaby thinks. Her dad stands and walks to the kitchen. He picks up the newspaper and looks at the headlines. She wonders what it says, she can tell it's bad. He folds it and places it back on the counter. He scratches his forehead, then plasters on a smile for her abuela, although it does little to reassure her it seems.

Gaby stands and comes to join them.

"Are we going to lunch?"

"Yes," her dad says. "I'll get my wallet."

Her abuela follows him into the hallway. "And an Advil por favor, I have a headache."

"Sure."

Gaby waits for them out in the hall. She can hear their downstairs neighbours arguing about paint colours for their walls, totally overreacting, and she's curious to see what they look like because they're new tenants. Her dad and abuela step out. She follows them down the stairs, stealing a glance over her shoulder towards the neighbour's apartment. She wants to suggest green to them, she read somewhere that green was a calming colour, but she doesn't. They look like the type to work at fancy jobs, with expensive watches and shiny shoes, exactly the sort of people who'd overreact about the colour of their living room walls. She tries not to judge, though. She's sure they're nice, but she's also sure her dad won't ever talk to them. She speeds up her pace to catch up to him.

He was friends with the old tenant, a lady in her eighties who used to babysit Gaby sometimes. Her son moved her into a care home not long ago. She used to bake them pies and send Gaby home with plates of cookies that the two of them baked. Her dad said she was a lifesaver when he first moved. He obviously misses her. Gaby gets it, she misses Mrs. O'Hara too. Maybe they could visit her at some point, that would be nice. He seemed closer to Mrs. O'Hara than he was to her abuela sometimes, and that made her sad. But she understands, she knows the relationship he has with her abuela isn't the best. He won't talk much about it but she knows he has a lot of resentment towards his mom. Gaby doesn't want to ask why. Her abuela used to get jealous of Mrs. O'Hara, but the two of them were so different. Mrs. O'Hara was easier to talk to about things, but then her abuela always gave really nice hugs. She thinks they'd be friends if there wasn't so much competition.

Fresco's is a small place, with terracotta floors, potted olive trees and a smattering of tables. Their lasagna ragu is the best, Gaby orders it every time. She remembers the first time they came here for lunch, it was during a rainstorm in the summer when she was twelve, they sat at the window table. Her dad read one of his autobiographies, he liked doing that on Sundays, and she read her Wonder Woman comic book that she absolutely loved. They both had lasagna and breadsticks and it was perfect. She told him all about Wonder Woman and her powers, and he told her about Keith Richards, the Rolling Stones guitarist. He loved their music as a kid, he said. She asked him which of their songs was his favourite, and he said couldn't decide, but he did like She's A Rainbow. She liked that song too because it made her think of mom, and he thought so too.

Lillo, the owner, hugs them and shows them to their usual table by the window. He teases her abuela about going on a date with him, and her abuela rolls her eyes, smiling. They take a seat and he hands them their menus. He walks back to the bar while they decide what to order. Gaby already knows what she wants but she reads the menu out of habit anyway.

"What are you getting?" she asks.

"I don't know," her dad says. "Maybe the calamari to start and then pasta Napoletana."

"I think I'll have the calamari too," her abuela says.

"The calamari is very good."

"I'm not sure if I want the bruschetta or the meatballs," Gaby says.

Her abuela knocks her knuckles on the table. "Have the bruschetta, you'll like it."

She agrees, thinking the meatballs with the lasagna ragu will be too much. She might have a dessert also so she doesn't want to be too full. They order their starters and some drinks. Her dad doesn't usually drink wine at lunch time but her abuela manages to convince him. They both have a glass, while Gaby gets a Pepsi.

She tells them about summer school, that it was pretty boring for the most part, but she was with Jamal so it wasn't too bad. Her dad knows all about Jamal, he keeps asking if she likes him as more than a friend, but she doesn't. He's like her brother, for real. Her dad doesn't look convinced but he says nothing. Her abuela asks about her mom, she calls her my Leslie like she's her own daughter, and her dad falls silent. Gaby can feel him watching her though, waiting for a response. Her mom's doing good, of course, opened her own practice and is enjoying being her own boss. She doesn't know what else they want to know. It's not like she's going to tell them about who her mom is dating.

Her abuela changes subject anyway, her dad looks relieved.

They talk about LaGuardia while they wait for their main courses. Gaby thinks she's sort of ready for it. She tries to pretend it's all good, that she's not panicking. Her dad puts his arm around her and tells her some anecdote about classical musicians that she's sure is from Seinfeld. She laughs anyway, because it's so dumb that it's funny. He looks proud of himself.

"You know you're amazing though, right?" he says. He sounds serious.

She pushes him away. "No, please stop."

"It's true."

"Okay, whatever."

Compliments make her feel awkward, she doesn't know why. Her abuela reaches across the table and takes her hand and squeezes it for a moment. It's comforting. She doesn't talk much after that. The main course arrives and they dig in. The food is a good distraction. Her lasagna ragu is as delicious as she remembers it being, she finishes the whole thing. Her dad seems to like his pasta Napoletana, and her abuela seems satisfied with her vegetable soup. One of today's specials.

Her abuela tells them about the Zumba class that she joined, run by one of her friends at the charter school. Gaby thinks it's good that her abuela is trying something new. She doesn't tell her abuela that she also dances because she doesn't want her getting any ideas about going together to Zumba. No way could she survive that.

They have tiramisu for dessert, which comes served on small plates. Her abuela skips dessert, claiming she's on a diet. Gaby resists the urge to roll her eyes. She doesn't like thinking about food like that, it usually sends her spiralling. But her abuela loves her smoothies and weight watchers. Gaby zones out while her abuela explains this, picks at her dessert instead. She wonders what they'll do this afternoon, if she's spending the rest of the day with her abuela or not. She feels bad for hoping that her abuela will want to go home but she'd like to spend the rest of the day with her dad. He'll be in court these next two weeks because of the Jolene Castille case and she won't get to see him much. She'll be on her own for most of it, she imagines, not that she wants to think of that right now.

Her dad pays and they head out of the restaurant, Lillo teases her abuela again, winks at her as she leaves. Her abuela rolls her eyes again, but Gaby can tell that she loves the attention. If her abuela wasn't so stubborn, Gaby thinks Lillo and her abuela would make a good couple, but she'd never say that to her face. She knows what reaction she'd get and she doesn't want that.

On the sidewalk, her abuela hugs her and kisses her cheek. Then hugs her dad and tells him to call her later. She gives him a look to drive the point home and he nods, he will call her when they get home.

"Alright then, que tenga un buen dìa," she says as she starts heading towards the subway.

They wave goodbye to her, sharing a sigh of relief once she's disappeared into the station.

Gaby turns to her dad. "What do we do now?"

"What do you want to do, kid?" he says.

"I don't mind."

He puts his arm around her shoulders and they walk down the street together, towards the shops. They pass a flower market where a young man is buying a bouquet, and Gaby wonders if it's something he does every week. They stop in front of the music shop so that Gaby can look at the instruments in the window. There are guitars, ukuleles and drum kits on display. Jamal taught her how to play some Jimi Hendrix on his guitar a couple of times, really simple chords, but she can't remember how it goes.

Her dad steers her away from the music shop. They pass the diner, where Mrs. O'Hara liked to go for brunch and gossip about their obnoxious neighbours. She always left the waiters with a hefty tip.

Then there's the deli, with the green and white awning where Gaby would go to get sodas and gumballs, Rex the owner would give her the gumballs for free because she was friends with his daughter Emma. It's been a while since she last saw Emma, they're not even friends on Facebook. Gaby feels guilty about that.

"Do you remember my friend Emma?" she asks her dad. "With the red hair."

"I do. You guys were inseparable."

Gaby nods. "I haven't seen her in years now."

"That happens sometimes with friends, you drift apart. But now that you're back in the city for a while, you should reach out to her. I think her family still owns the deli."

"Yeah, I'm thinking about it."

"Maybe you can see her next week."

Gaby smiles. "Dad, I don't mind being alone."

"I know, but I don't want you getting bored on my account."

She thinks about this and gets where he's coming from, but she also knows how much effort it will take to reach out to Emma and she's not mentally prepared for that at the moment. Not with everything she has going on.

"I won't get bored." She looks at the bookshop across the street. "I'll read some books, or something. School starts soon, anyway."

"Alright. Come on," he says.

They cross the street and head into the bookshop. It's small, quaint and smells of paper and mahogany. There are oriental rugs on the wooden floor, table lamps and flowerpots on the desks, and so many books. She looks at the books stacked on the display table, reads the back of the ones which she finds cool. Her dad goes over to the non-fiction section in the back. He opens a book about the financial crisis and she makes a face. She picks up a couple of fantasy books, which are her favourites. Two of them are part of a series and she's looking forward to starting it. She had a library card back in St. Louis and she went to the library every Wednesday to borrow books. She's a bit of a nerd when it comes to fantasy.

She turns back to her dad to show him the book she found, because she thinks this could be one which she might really like, but he's on his phone and it seems to be work related. She walks over to him. He holds up his hand to stop her talking and she takes a deep breath. She feels like a little kid and it pisses her off. She bites the inside of her cheek and looks down at the book again. She reads the dedication and decides she's getting it. She heads over to the cashier and places it on the counter. She pays with cash and watches the woman behind the counter bag her books. She thanks her and takes her bag. She glances over her shoulder at her dad again and heads out of the shop. He'll eventually realise she's left and come looking for her. She waits outside on the sidewalk. She feels a few droplets of rain and looks up at the sky, it's thick with clouds. She wants to go home if it starts really raining, she doesn't like rain.

The door of the bookshop opens and her dad steps outside. He's also carrying a bag. He looks at the bag she's carrying.

"Why didn't you wait for me to pay?"

She shrugs. "You were on the phone."

He considers her and then looks up at the sky. She follows his line of sight.

"Let's go home before it starts raining," he says.

She nods, putting her hands in her pockets. It's a short walk. They reach their building as it starts pouring. They climb up the stairs to their apartment and he fishes his keys out of his pocket and unlocks the front door. Gaby's lost in her thoughts. She can't help but feel disappointed. She thought this day was going well but here they are now. She wants to go to her room and call her mom. Which is what she does. She leaves her dad in the living room and goes to her room. She doesn't bother shutting her door as she settles on her bed and calls her mom's number. Her mom picks up almost straight away and Gaby lets out a wet laugh.

"Hey, mom."

"Hey, baby, how's it going?"

"Okay," she says. "I really miss you."

"I really miss you, too."

Gaby wipes her cheek with her sleeve. "What are you up to?"

"Watching Survivor with Oscar. What about you?"

"Sitting in my room, we just got back from lunch. There are thunderstorms now and it's pouring, I don't know if you can hear it."

"I can't but I'll take your word for it," her mom says.

They talk a little longer and then her mom has to go, she's got a date with Marcus in a bit. Gaby tells her mom she loves her and hangs up. She wipes her cheek again and sniffs. She should see what her dad is up to. She stands and makes her way back to the living room. He's making coffee in the kitchen. She sits down on a stool. He pours her a cup and sits down next to her. Outside the window, there's a strike of lightning. He looks over at her. She waits for him to say something because it's obvious that he's thinking about it. But he doesn't. She feels defeated. She looks down at her coffee and brings the cup up to her lips. She takes a sip and makes a face, he hasn't put enough sugar in it. She stands up and goes to get the sugar jar from the cabinet. Her dad watches her and shakes his head. She ignores him. She digs a teaspoon out of the drawer and spoons more sugar into her coffee.

"Gaby."

"Yeah."

"I'm sorry I upset you earlier."

She turns to face him. He looks sincere.

"I shouldn't have been on my phone, you were right to be upset about that." He sighs and looks down at his coffee. "I am trying my best, you know, but sometimes I'm gonna make mistakes. I need you to talk to me and tell me how you're feeling, okay? Because I have no idea what's going on inside your head."

She looks away. The rain is pelting down outside. There's a rumble of thunder followed by another lightning strike.

"Okay," she says.

He smiles and nods.

She drops the spoon into the sink and takes a gulp of her coffee. She jabs her thumb towards her room. She needs time to think about all of it. He nods for her to go and she's grateful. She walks back to her room and settles down at her desk. She sits there for a while, thinking things through. She looks inside her desk because she hasn't done that in months and she doesn't remember what is in there. Old music sheets and spare violin bows. Postcards that she never sent and bags of candy. A disposable camera which she thinks could be fun to develop.

She rifles through the shopping bag and takes out one of the books that she bought, The Golem and the Jinni. She stands and walks to her bed. She climbs under sheets, shoves her pillows behind her back and opens the book to read. It tells the story of Chava, who is a creature made of clay and brought to life by a disgraced rabbi. Gaby likes how poetic the story is.

She reads the rest of the afternoon, gets to a quarter of the way through the book, dog ears the page and emerges from her room in the evening as the sun starts to set. Her dad is in the living room, standing by the bay window, talking on the phone with her abuela. He rolls his eyes at her when he sees her and she knows what he means, her abuela can be a pain in the ass sometimes. Gaby goes to sit on the couch and watches tv, there's an old action movie playing. She props her feet up on the coffee table and crosses her arms. She wonders what she'll be doing this time tomorrow, if she'll be home alone or not. She thinks she probably will from the way things are looking, but that's alright.