Author's Note: This story was originally published on Twisting the Hellmouth as daily 100-word shorts and is now presented here as a single chapter so please excuse the occasional choppiness in reading. I hope you like it anyway, so go ahead!
Thunk!
She never paused, reaching out to seize and yank free the throwing knife that'd just whizzed past her head into the classroom doorjamb. Hurling the knife back at its owner, she specifically targeted his eyepatch.
Catching the dagger in midair, today's substitute teacher gave a dismissive grunt, next turning around at the blackboard to begin writing his name there.
Feeling for her own stiletto, the class heard Mr. Harris muse, "Taking the first chance for revenge is petty. True vengeance should be properly appreciated and savored, Ms. Addams."
Wednesday blinked. Second year at Nevermore Academy had just turned interesting.
She sighed at how eagerly Enid seated next to her was now waving a hand for the substitute teacher's attention.
"Sir, in your opinion, what would be true vengeance?"
Hmm, that was actually a decent question.
Mr. Harris shrugged, "Your friend should've taken the knife with a polite 'Thank you', and a couple nights later, I'd wake up in bed with it dangling point down above my jugular, attached to a ceiling thread that'd snap at any moment."
Wednesday made a mental note to call her father and ask if the Addams family tree had anybody on it named Harris.
Under the full moon, a grumpy Xander walking the academy grounds contemplated how the old Council was still causing problems for its successor organization.
Nobody at headquarters had ever heard of Nevermore until the school's new principal sent the usual 'do not Slay' request to the Watchers' Council.
After much confusion, he was now an undercover teacher to investigate if the place should be left alone.
So far, there weren't any signs here of world-endage even if that Addams girl was showing apocalyptic levels of snarkiness—
A hairy monster with ready fangs and claws burst out from the shrubbery.
The fell beast with bristling fur possessing purple highlights loomed over a strangely unconcerned Xander.
Meeting a maddened gaze, he proffered a large, steaming mug carried from the teacher's lounge.
"Hot chocolate?"
In a blur of multicolored nails, the mug was snatched from Xander's grasp. Greedily gulping its contents, this monster soon manifested a blissful expression.
"My special blend with extra marshmallows," explained Xander retrieving the mug. "Feeling better now?"
The werewolf sheepishly nodded.
"Good. Go back to bed, Ms. Sinclair."
Following her loping off, Xander reflected sympathetically about someone who'd just experienced two times of the month at once.
When Enid began reading out loud tonight for the fifth time the latest blog entry about her new crush on Mr. Harris, Wednesday promptly decamped to the balcony with her cello.
Livin' La Vida Loca isn't ordinarily ominous, but Wednesday still managed to put her own unique Addams twist upon such lyrics as She'll take away your pain / Like a bullet to your brain.
Wednesday's temper wasn't improved any by the end of her solo causing an anonymous kazoo elsewhere in the darkness to start their own familiar tune by The Police, including the refrain of I'll be watching you.
Snickering quietly, Xander turned away from the open window of his darkened apartment and sat down at his desk, placing the kazoo next to the laptop with its interrupted PM conference.
X: I'm back.
W: So how was Wednesday's performance she just did?
X: Nailed it. Never thought a cello could sound like that.
D: You do know she'll hunt down whoever did the kazoo serenade to her?
X: Worth it.
B: What did Enid look like last night all bad haired out?
X: Twice my size and four inch upper fangs like a saber toothed werewolf.
W: Awww…cute!
At least Nevermore Academy's basement archives storage kept their historical files fairly well organized. Unfortunately, dust was still thick everywhere.
Going through another box of old documents to learn why no Slayer since 1791 had massacred all the unnatural students here, Xander sneezed.
Nobody actually said "Gesundheit", but he abruptly sensed someone was watching him.
Glancing around the dim room with a gaze which had seen things inconceivable to most humans, Xander finally shrugged and went back to work.
Hey, if Wednesday Addams wanted to paint herself to blend in with the far bookshelf, who was he to spoil her fun?
For miles around, small animals cowered in their dens.
Bugs flying across an incensed glare combusted in mid-air.
The hedges lining the pathway leaned back from the girl in black stalking by.
Today's cause for discontent was crushed in Wednesday's fist.
Earlier, she'd nodded complacently at the note acknowledging her camouflage skills, until this changed into a critique that a single concealment ruse wouldn't work against enhanced hearing, scenting, or even spotting dust motes move in air currents caused by someone's breath.
Due to the latter reason, Mr. Harris gave her extra credit project a truly outrageous B- grade.
Forward ninja roll into corridor.
Freeze.
Check six for hostiles. None found.
Resume advance to objective.
You own the night.
Location confirmed.
Entry gained.
Mission progress satis—
Another step forward into the unlit room resulted in a small net unexpectedly dropping upon them.
AMBUSH!
An overhead lamp switched on, revealing a corner swivel chair slowly turning around. Sitting there, Xander steepled his fingers with the light from above casting this man's face into harsh, dramatic shadows.
"Let's talk."
Pausing in his futile struggle to escape from captivity, Thing somehow exhibited an attitude of utter incredulity.
"You know what I mean!"
Wednesday felt sick to her stomach, and not in the good way like Ebola or yellow fever.
Set down upon her dorm desktop was a blank personal letter undoubtedly left by Thing who'd been avoiding her lately for some reason.
This letter was bordered all in blood red, meaning it'd come directly from her father in his grim role as the Addams paterfamilias.
Given that, any commands in there were to be obeyed without question and whatever punishment decreed humbly accepted as well.
Bracing herself, Wednesday opened the letter and read its sheet of paper bearing a single word:
LEARN
Okay, Wednesday had been currently outmaneuvered, but Xander was all too familiar with her type of stubborn, prideful, overconfident personality.
It matched to an alarming degree a certain Senior Slayer he knew personally and was sensible enough not to tell them lest they give him a wedgie of cosmic proportions.
Anyway, for now Wednesday was sufficiently distracted so Xander's investigation of Nevermore Academy continued apace here today in the Weathervane café where he'd meet his New Council contact—
From behind, he was embraced in a crushing hug that soon had him wheezing, "Buffy! Air!"
It still beat a Slayer wedgie.
Wednesday's thorough sulk tonight wasn't improved any by Enid's mournful sighs every few minutes where the werewolf was sitting at her computer.
Lying in bed while still dressed, eyes closed and arms folded across her chest, Wednesday reminded Enid, "I told you before, when a baby bird falls out of the nest to land at your feet, just think of the circle of life and enjoy."
Enid grumped back, "It's not that! This afternoon, I accidentally saw Mr. Harris at the Weathervane being hugged by a strange woman—"
Materializing to loom over a startled Enid, Wednesday hissed, "Tell. Me. Everything."
"…after stealing half his fries she ordered three slices of pecan pie with extra whipped cream and ate them all without smearing her lipstick that I need to get the exact same shade for me then she took out and gave him a report from her jacket which had to be an original eight thousand dollar double breasted Dolce and Gabbana leather coat straight from their Rome store where she must've also gotten her absolutely stunning shoes because you cannot find those Ferragamo pumps anywhere here and believe me I've looked…
Wednesday? Why is your left eye twitching like that?"
While the classroom filled for first period, Xander at the teacher's desk thought about Buffy's Slayer snooping last night.
This surreptitious search confirmed there was Sunnydale Syndrome affecting people here, but thankfully no Hellmouth and its associated demons were around.
(She'd dismissed the vampire teachers and students as 'Vamp-Lite' harmless.)
About to take attendance, Xander suddenly realized with a chill running down his spine every young female outcast in the room save for a specific pair were eyeing him with intrigued speculation.
Ms. Sinclair, however, looked shamefacedly guilty.
The unoccupied chair next to her was a lot more worrying.
Sitting on the bed, Wednesday smugly went over how easy it was locating the strange woman at Jericho's hotel and then getting into her room. The door hadn't even been locked!
Now, they'd have a nice little chat—
Exiting the bathroom while looking down at her phone and carrying her jacket in the other hand, the woman absently lobbed the jacket to hit Wednesday right in the face.
A frozen Wednesday had the jacket draped over her head lifted up to see the woman examining somebody in monochromatic clothing then make a natural assumption.
"Oh. You must be the maid."
A very bewildered girl stood in the hotel parking lot and stared after the departing rental automobile, trying to make sense of her recent surreal experience.
Minutes ago, increasingly heated denials of being any kind of maid were instead overwhelmed by the torrent of cheerful prattle from the older woman who during this somehow still managed to verbally coerce Wednesday into carrying her extremely heavy suitcases to the car.
Rubbing her aching arms, Wednesday couldn't help wondering if Buffy Summers shared Uncle Fester's hobby of collecting souvenir cannonballs.
Worst of all, she'd been stiffed on a decent tip. A nickel?!
Class was over and students were leaving, so Xander could finally read the new text message from Buffy:
UR RIGHT
TEASING GOTHGIRL REALLY FUN
TALK LATER
Abruptly breaking out in a cold sweat, Xander's panicked gaze swept around the room for any overt signs of the approaching doom of civilization, except the ultimate peril was much closer at hand for him.
One of the cluster of girls now surrounding his desk asked what they were all thinking, "Hey, Mr. Harris, who's your girlfriend?"
Judging from how quickly Enid scurried out of the classroom, she actually had some self-preservation instincts.
A bunch of teenage girls didn't believe him.
Gee, for some reason that sounded familiar.
"We're just friends."
Cue the mutual synchronized eyeball rolling.
"I've know her since high school!"
That resulted in nothing but significant glances traded among themselves.
"She's the Slayer in your nightmares from bedtime stories about naughty demon kids who didn't eat their vegetables!"
…well, no, he hadn't done that one, but he'd actually considered it.
Now he had to take care of the whole stupid situation and also make sure Buffy and the others never, ever found out about it.
How was this his life?
"Dawn Marie Summers, you are truly a treasure for my heart!"
A delighted giggle came from the phone Xander was grandiloquently speaking into while strolling through the academy grounds.
"Xan, I agreed to be your date to Nevermore's harvest festival ten minutes ago! You don't need to keep buttering me up!"
"Thanks, Dawn—" began Xander promptly interrupted by:
"I didn't say you had to stop."
Without hesitating, Xander declared, "—of the new day, I kneel before your beauty."
He soon vanished from view of the rapt person peeking through a bush.
A thrilled Enid decided at once: To the blog!
Seated in opposite directions in their dorm, Wednesday stoically ignored Enid's muttering while the werewolf wrote her latest blog entry. This indifference abruptly ended after hearing a certain last name also belonging to that strange woman at Jericho's hotel.
Twisting around in her chair, Wednesday sent a burning gaze towards the back of Enid's head, who herself seconds later braced into an attack posture, hands aggressively raised and rainbow nails exposed.
Equally swiftly, Enid dropped her hands and glared over her shoulder.
"Quit that!"
Paying no attention, Wednesday vowed to resume Mr. Harris' surveillance and this time do it properly.
A few more pages and he'd be done.
In the shadowy library, Xander kept on taking pictures with a digital camera of Nevermore's first school yearbook back in 1892, staff section.
His latest theory was the old Council sent in undercover Watchers to keep an eye on the place just like him, so start from most recent to oldest yearbooks and then send the pictures to Giles for possible identification.
The New Council Director hadn't really heard about anything like that, but it was still worth a try. Tonight would finish the job, Xander accepted, flipping to the last page—
"Fuck."
The sound of running footsteps dwindled in the library, leaving it to silence and emptiness with the only illuminated table lamp having its light falling across the opened yearbook left behind.
At barely a whisper, Wednesday clad all in black (naturally) descended from the darkened ceiling via two cables running upwards from the wide belt cinched around her torso. She stopped to dangle horizontally over the table and its contents.
Hovering there, Wednesday examined the yearbook's photograph of several men stiffly standing in outdated clothing. She didn't recognize any of the names underneath such as Trumbull, Vancamp, Warrick, and Wilkins.
At the scenic overlook above Jericho, Dawn said, "It does feel kinda like your hometown, but not as…intense."
Xander there with her shrugged, "Sunnydale Syndrome was for a place a lot bigger and way more people. We always thought the Mayor came up with it on his own, though."
Dawn sent a sympathetic glance towards him. "There's someone who might know—"
"Yeah, I talked to Faith in Australia, and that wasn't a fun conversation. When she hung with the guy back then, he never mentioned anything about his earlier life before, like Nevermore. Learning about it really surprised her."
"She's so pretty," Enid sighed.
Lowering the binoculars Wednesday was using to spy upon the pair across from their own hilltop, she bestowed her best incredulous glower at the werewolf.
Enid insisted, "Well, she is!"
Wednesday went back to studying the interaction between an infuriating Nevermore teacher and his acquaintance. They seemed to be close friends or more—
"Do you think they're going to kiss? Mr. Harris looks like a good kisser."
Wednesday's fingers tightened onto the binoculars, assessing its heft and durability. It was presently unclear whether she'd use these to clout Enid unconscious or do it to herself.
"Dah, dah, dah, dah, a place where no one knows your face."
"And dip! Okay, mister, start talking. What's all this about?"
"I saw something over there indicating my own personal stalker is watching us now, so we're giving Wednesday Addams a show."
"Just to mess with her head?"
"That, and also no way am I gonna pass up any chance to do this with you. …Gaze at me and talk of love."
"You're so romantic."
Enid unknowingly echoed that same sentence, while Wednesday instead gaped in utter shock. Did all old people have to learn to dance the tango?
The next day, while strolling around Jericho's town square together during the Nevermore harvest festival, introductions with the academy's staff usually went like this:
"Hi, I'm Dawn Summers—"
"That's Doctor of Philosophy in Classical Languages and Literature Dawn Summers, first class honors from Oxford University."
Eventually, after leaving yet another impressed teacher, Dawn fussed fondly, "Xan, stop saying that! Buffy does it often enough so you don't need to join in too!"
"How about I tell them instead I was your babysitter?"
"How about I tell them your syphilis finally cleared up?"
"Okay, no Sunnydale anecdotes… Hey, what's that noise?"
Lurking atop the Weathervane's roof, Wednesday peered through a gap in the building parapet to make careful notes of whom Mr. Harris and his friend were talking to—
With a thunderous roar, a motorcycle carrying two riders burst into the town square at well past the speed limit.
Skidding to a stop in front of the café where Wednesday was witnessing it all, the driver took off their helmet and shook out her dark hair.
"Ya can let go now, Red."
Behind the driver, that amused suggestion only made her terrified passenger clutch even harder onto a totally lunatic Slayer.
After Dawn coaxed Willow into releasing Faith by dint of merciless tickling, the Slayer grabbed Xander and pulled him in close for a scorching kiss.
The fascinated onlookers didn't see how Faith's mouth barely made contact with his lips. Rather, she breathed, "Eavesdroppin' gal up there."
Almost as inaudible, Xander whispered back, "Figures. Okay, Scooby protocols now."
Willow and Dawn's subtle nods indicated their ready agreement to staying quiet about the supernatural.
As for the last of their group, having her begin caressing Xander's tonsils with a very skilled tongue just meant she was also playing along.
Probably. Because, Faith.
Mindful of their listener, Xander asked circumspectly, "Faith, I thought you were still busy at our pest control job Down Under?"
Smirking, Faith answered, "All done. Those little shits are damn well on the endangered species list now."
Xander lifted an impressed eyebrow. The latest Australian drop bear infestation was the biggest in decades. Before he could inquire further, Faith pointed at Willow.
"Afterwards, I cashed in one of Red's 'free trip' Christmas cards to leave Sydney for here."
A glowering Willow corrected, "I thought Montpelier was close enough but instead of a car, she rented that horrible death machine!"
Before things escalated, Dawn tactfully interrupted, "Faith, I think Xan means why are you here?"
Faith hesitated. She knew forgiveness was earned a long time ago and their trust to the death was hers again…but she wanted to say this right.
"Alla us, we've had people important to us even if they had helluva lotta baggage with 'em when they left. Would any of ya pass up the chance to find out more?"
Willow saw Xander and Dawn's faces remembering Anya and Spike. For herself, there was Oz and Amy and Cordelia and, all right, even that poopyhead Moloch.
Wednesday frowned down at her notes about the recent conversation she'd overheard. There were too many questions and not enough information about Mr. Harris meeting two new women today in Jericho.
Who was Faith? It seemed completely ridiculous for a female exterminator to come all the way from Australia, especially with the ambiguous motives she'd just mentioned.
As for her companion, the name 'Red' had to be a nickname of some sort—
"Let's have something to eat inside. Buffy said the café's pecan pie is delicious."
At last, something she could confirm. The Weathervane's desserts were indeed quite palatable.
Plotting over pie:
In their café booth behind Willow's privacy wards, Xander asked her, "That's all you're going to use your mojo for?"
She nodded. "I want to study this place first without disturbing anything. The Jericho Syndrome is really impressive, particularly since there's nothing like a Hellmouth around to power it."
"Okay," Xander turned to Faith, "A Slayer patrol tonight should make you familiar with the neighborhood."
Faith mumbled agreement past a mouthful of sugary goodness. Swallowing, she confirmed, "Sneakin' and peekin', gotcha."
When Xander seemed about to mention something else, Faith reassured him, "I'll leave the kiddies alone."
"What's my role?" Dawn wanted to know.
Willow looked puzzled. "I thought you were just here for the day."
Shrugging, Dawn informed them, "I've got enough vacation time coming to cover joining you. This sounds interesting enough for me to want in."
"Exactly what I was planning!" Xander beamed at everybody else. "Being a visiting guest lecturer at Nevermore gives you the perfect opportunity to snoop around everywhere. They'll jump at the chance, because you're—"
Willow and Faith both chanted together in flawless synchronicity, "Doctor of Philosophy in Classical Languages and Literature Dawn Summers, first class honors from Oxford University!"
Wednesday's eyes snapped open into abrupt wakefulness.
She instantly catalogued everything within her vicinity: lying upon her bed well past midnight after the harvest festival and Enid in her fluorescent pajamas standing before their circular window while making the entire room vibrate because of the menacing snarl this werewolf was voicing.
Getting up to approach Enid, her friend stopped growling to speak tensely, "Something's there in the dark."
"What?"
"I don't know, but I'm not going to find out."
Brushing past towards the balcony door, Wednesday was immobilized by a furry hand clamping onto her upper arm.
"Neither are you."
Thing's normally ebullient scamper was now an exhausted stumble over the forested ground.
The relentless pursuit tonight of this disembodied hand was clearly approaching an inglorious denouement.
All the ploys he'd done to evade capture or worse had failed. Diving into a rabbit hole and out the other end yards away, scuttling up a tree trunk out to a bending branch for springing off this onto a different tree… Hopeless.
Arriving at a clearing, Thing spun around to make a defiant last stand—
Nobody was there?
The hand was unexpectedly prodded from behind, along with a woman's triumphant yell, "Tag!"
The next morning in Nevermore's refectory, Wednesday saw three different groups seated during their subdued breakfast.
The largest group comprised of the academy residents who were psychics, gorgons, sirens, shapeshifters, normies, and even odder outcasts. They were aware something unusual occurred last night but none of them knew exactly what.
Several weres scattered around the room shared Enid's own extreme drowsiness looking like they'd all fall asleep onto their cleaned plates any second now.
Finally, the apprehensive vampires sharing a single table were exceedingly nervous, flinching at the slightest sound.
She felt an irresistible urge to shout "BOO!" at them.
Frowning, Willow hung up on Xander's call after breakfast and went looking for Faith. She found the brunette at the Weathervane having triples of everything.
Sliding into the booth, Willow announced, "They felt you."
"The weird hand sure as hell didn't. Say…if he actually gropes someone, where do they slap him?"
Willow ignored this fascinating question. "I meant, all the vamps and weres there perceived the Slayer."
"That don't make sense. B already paid her own visit and nobody picked up on blondie."
Nodding, the witch suggested, "Nevermore's wards date to 1791 when the only Slayers were called like you."
"Her to Kendra to me, then B had that second comeback without keepin' the Slayer line," Faith summed up.
She grimaced, "Shit, I musta set off all the alarms there. Do I need to leave?"
Willow shook her head at Faith's chagrin. "No, I think I can hide you from the wards. Let's see how that goes. Did you find out anything else interesting?"
"It was a while ago, but there's a place where a werewolf gal kicked some serious butt. Also, I caught sight of a crypt or somethin' on a island. Had a feelin' it might be important."
Faith contemplated the grandiose mausoleum she and Red were visiting today with its pair of tacky guardian angels flanking the entrance. "Guess who's planted there never even heard of good taste."
Willow just continued glaring at Crackstone's crypt before finally spitting out, "You can add lacking any trace of mercy, kindness, and compassion!"
"A total asshole, gotcha."
"Even worse," Willow grimly added, "Somebody brought him back from hell using death magic."
The Slayer went on high alert. "Is he still around?"
"No," Willow confirmed with her own powers, "That's…odd. It's like two people in one somehow took him down."
Dawn walked past the scorched dead tree in the middle of the quad and made another mental note to ask somebody at Nevermore about it. Was this a school tradition or some other reason?
Returning to her previous thoughts, Dawn was pleased by how well today's lecture about Boudica was received in history class. Even Ms. Addams, notably difficult to impress, became captivated by that Iron Age British warrior queen's destruction of London.
While approaching the main building, a girl stepped from out of the first floor arches with a nervous "Dr. Summers?"
Ah...Enid Sinclair, and she was so adorable.
Sigh. Time to be the adult.
"Enid," Dawn firmly told her, "I'm sure you meant well, but knowing the secret fingersnap doesn't give us permission to come here."
"But Wednesday was invited to join the Nightshades!" she pouted. (Enid did even that endearingly. The kid was dangerous.)
"We're still leaving," Dawn ordered, hiding a smile at Enid slouching toward the library exit. She regretfully glanced around at the many filled bookshelves, to next stare in shock at the title of one monograph placed there.
The old shoplifting instincts helped Dawn filch and conceal that monograph without Enid ever becoming aware.
"Studying the Shield," Xander read out loud. "Catchy title."
Willow shot him an exasperated look. She gestured at the monograph lying upon the café tabletop, "That's a brilliant magical analysis of Jericho Syndrome. It's no wonder the Mayor was able to copy it for Sunnydale."
"Yeah, the boss was always a smart guy," Faith agreed across the table.
There was a short pause, enough to make Faith scowl at the others including Dawn.
"What the hell was I supposed to call him, anyway? Definitely not his first name, and Mr. Wilkins didn't sound right, either. We finally settled on boss."
"Speaking of names—"
"Yeah, honestly, what were her parents thinking? Goody?"
"Look who's talkin'…Lavelle."
"That got old years ago. Anyway, Wednesday Addams has to be connected somehow. I've heard stuff about this girl and her fuzzy friend getting way involved in really weird situations last fall."
"You mean they're this place's examples of the meddling kids like we were back in the good ol' Boca del Infierno days?"
"Well, the hand could be Scooby, but that leaves out Fred and Shaggy."
"I'm thinkin' more like Nancy Drew, only with swords, explosives, and evil zombies."
"I would've read those versions."
"Okay, to recap: Visited to learn why the old Council left Nevermore alone, found about Jericho Syndrome and how Wilkins was involved, plus a certain Miss Scowl-face is apparently also in this up to her pigtails. Anybody disagree?"
"No."
"We'll need to talk to her and that means coming clean. How do you think she'll react?"
"You know her better than we do. It mostly didn't turn out too well in Sunnydale, so let's try harder. Set up a meeting on neutral ground, like here?"
"Good idea. I know just the perfect way to arrange it, through someThing."
Wednesday and Enid warily entered the Weathervane where two adults were awaiting them in a private booth.
The approaching girls then saw Mr. Harris pass over a $20 bill to Doctor Summers while muttering, "Should've known better to bet on her BFF not insisting."
Both sitting down at the table, Wednesday blinked at two more unknown people unexpectedly joining them. One of these cheerfully declared, "Hiyah! I'm the Slayer."
"Eeep," Enid said very quietly and then slid off the bench to under the table in a dead faint.
Sticking out a hand, Faith smugly collected her winnings from the other suckers.
"How can you not know about Slayers and Watchers and the Council?!" Enid indignantly berated Wednesday while the redhaired lady sitting next to her held and comfortingly patted Enid's hand.
"The New Council," a vastly entertained Xander corrected.
"Yeah, them!"
Wednesday shrugged, "It was boring adult stuff discussed by my boring parents, so why should I pay any attention?"
Enid began again, "Even about the Red Witch…" She trailed off, looking at Willow who smiled encouragingly.
"Eeep," repeated Enid going into another dead faint.
Snapping her fingers, Willow gleefully scooped up all her friends' cash materializing in front of herself.
"—then we hugged!" Enid happily interrupted.
Wednesday's annoyed sideways glance at her friend showed she could've done quite well without Enid's spirited contribution to their story.
Bringing her stoic gaze back to the listening adults, Wednesday nonetheless grudgingly admitted, "That was pretty much the end of it for us. We were all sent home early when the school closed."
"Okaaaay," Faith drawled. "Sounds as if both of ya behaved like big damn heroes."
Enid and Wednesday shared a prideful moment which was ruthlessly extinguished when the Slayer menacingly leaned forward.
"Now, we're gonna teach ya two what ya done wrong."
When it finally ended, the merciless critique of their recent adventures and every single mistake excruciatingly detailed, Wednesday and Enid were really glad to listen to something else.
Especially since the topic of the New Council representatives explaining the reasons for their visit here became more interesting by the minute.
However, Wednesday soon had to remind everybody the theory of Goody Addams being directly connected to Jericho Syndrome had to be considered moot, given this spirit's sacrifice to save her descendant meant Goody was gone forever.
Willow, staying quiet for most of the discussion, then said succinctly, "No, she isn't."
Confused, Enid looked around the Weathervane's booth. The other three members of the New Council appeared to take for granted what the Red Witch had now said—
No, she was Willow, just as Mr. Harris was Xander and Doctor Summers was Dawn.
The Slayer herself was indifferent of how to properly address this fearsome woman: "Faith, if ya gotta know. Just Faith. 'Course, it's always great to hear demons screamin' 'Oh, Satan, her! RUN!'"
Producing a sickly smile, Enid still managed to avoid fainting that time.
In her politest tone, Wednesday asked, "Would you please explain?"
Whoops. That wasn't good.
If Buffy had been there at that exact moment, she would've surely regarded Wednesday's attempt at projecting a threatening attitude as 'totes cute.'
Seeing how all of the Sunnydale veterans in their booth both encountered and survived much more dangerous entities well before these young people reached voting age, they were kind enough to keep a straight face while the Nevermore student glowered at them.
Willow explained to a suspicious Wednesday, "Your ancestor mystically merged with you, but she's still there deep inside your mind. If both of you agree, Goody Addams can be summoned again to speak with us."
Wednesday thought it over.
Of all the regrets she had about last year at Nevermore including the deaths of Dr. Kinbott and Principal Weems, one of the greatest concerned Goody Addams.
Her ancestor's willing sacrifice for Wednesday's life meant the least she could do was to properly thank this ghost for it in person.
Looking directly at Willow, Wednesday announced, "I'll do it. How soon can we get started?"
Acknowledging with a nod the young girl's decision, Willow still cautioned, "There's a pretty big problem. The summoning has to be at the last place where Goody manifested herself: Crackstone's crypt."
"Of course," Xander sighed. "Funny how it always works out like that for us."
He looked around the café table at Dawn and Faith. "Okay, Wils, we'll be there with you—"
"Me too!"
Everyone else gawked at Enid who'd just uttered this loud proclamation. She stared back defiantly.
Dawn wryly shrugged, "Don't argue, Xan. That's also traditional, remember? In fact, I think I'll give her the taser I kept from the time you tried to make me leave Sunnydale."
Wednesday and Enid eyed each other in confusion. Why'd that make the older women snicker together and Mr. Harris start…pouting?!
Faith went first and alone into the crypt, casually swinging the kukris she was gripping in both hands as she strode through the opened tomb doorway.
Enid nervously awaited whatever would happen next: screams, sounds of combat, Mr. Harris speaking in an atrocious French accent?
"Très horrible, mademoiselles!" Xander intoned, pointing his battleaxe at the pretentious angel statues.
Thankfully, he switched to English. "At least it isn't another decaying warehouse! I swear, there's a franchise for these, Lairs R'Us or whatever."
Bewildered, Enid saw Wednesday's tense shoulders relax a bit, distracted from the unpleasant memories of her last visit.
After Faith called it was clear, the other adults escorted Wednesday and Enid inside the crypt. For their own reasons, neither young girl noticed how Xander, Dawn, and Faith took up guard positions with their backs to the walls.
Rather, Wednesday showed Willow the spot on the crypt floor where Goody merged with herself. While the Red Witch studied this, Wednesday wanted to know, "Exactly how do I get my ancestor to come back here?"
"I'll do the spell to contact her," responded Willow. "You just ask."
Thinking it over, Willow added, "It'd be a good idea to say please."
Enid was far more bored than she'd expected.
The summoning started off dramatically enough, with Willow's hair flaring pure white while glowing disks the same color formed on the floor where everyone was standing.
Next, Wednesday and Willow closed their eyes…and nothing else happened.
Fidgeting in her protective circle, Enid wondered how much longer this was going to take—
She nearly jumped out of her skin at Wednesday's deep sigh which came with the sudden appearance of a ghostly figure next to her friend.
It took a moment of shocked realization for Enid to squeal in delight, "You're twins!"
That made every adult there crack up, helped also by the totally identical pair of very exasperated Addams expressions sent Enid's way.
Their laughter continued even when Goody commenced looking around the crypt at the strangers. Though Faith and the others promptly got serious right after this ghost strode out of the protective circle directly towards Willow.
A worried Xander called, "Wils, was that supposed to happen?"
"No," Willow warily eyed Goody approaching nearer. A discreet flex of the witch's fingers increased her personal shields.
Stopping in front of Willow, Goody examined her summoner…and then she curtsied to Willow.
They all gawked at where a patient Goody was still down in her curtsy, clearly waiting for the proper response from Willow.
Faith recovered first. With a genuine hoot of mirth, she continued, "Yo, Red! Channel your inner Lady Mary and show your manners!"
Taken aback, Willow bobbed a hasty curtsy in return, which seemed to satisfy Goody who straightened up.
Xander took the chance to whisper at Faith, "Didn't know you were a Downton Abbey fan."
"Are you kiddin' me? Got drawn in the first coupla times I watched the old Countess grandly cuttin' throats in her finest style."
When Goody turned away from Willow towards Faith, that woman had already decided there wasn't gonna be any bending of the knees whatever this ghost girl got up to.
Luckily, she knew the perfect thing to head this off after hearing the Addams kid's stories about her heroic ancestor going up against that Crackstone shithead.
With perfect timing just as Goody stopped before Faith, the Slayer swept up her kukris to cross these blades at chest level.
Giving Goody a steady gaze, Faith stood motionless in a warrior's salute to another.
Goody Addams graciously nodded in acceptance of this honor.
For all the living people in the crypt, things had gone as well as might be expected up to the moment Goody gave her full attention to Dawn.
Nobody anticipated the ghost to abruptly regard Buffy's sister with shocked astonishment evident upon her face and then back up with indecent haste.
Heedlessly retreating, Goody was startled by a cleared throat from behind which made her spin around to find Xander much too close where she'd just been about to walk into him.
Goody stared at the man long enough for Faith to mischievously sing out, "Someone's got a biiiiig crush!"
The New Council representatives had never seen a ghost blush before.
More usual were the stunned looks on the girls' faces when Wednesday and Enid heard Faith's wicked insinuation.
Dawn caught the Slayer's eye and sent Faith a tiny grateful nod at her successful distraction. Even now, only the core Scoobies knew about the secret of Dawn's former Keyness.
Faith's gaze flicked towards Willow who recognized her cue. Later, they'd all have a private discussion over this but for now time to get back to business.
The Red Witch prompted, "Wednesday, could you ask Goody the reason we came here?"
With growing excitement, Enid paid close attention to everything in the crypt. When she put all this in her blog, her fondest dreams for the website must surely be realized: enidtherainbowgirl readership would reach five figures.
And maybe…more?!
There'd already been a surge of reader interest since Mr. Harris came here. Enid couldn't figure out why most of these were located in the Cleveland area, though Scotland was right behind in audience size.
Wednesday and Goody were psychically linked again. She'd have to write this as more awesome than them just looking at each other, but hey, no problem!
Centuries apart between the living and the dead but united by family, the Addams kin communed amongst each other through their souls.
It needed some more work, Enid happily thought to herself, but that would do as a start for her new blog. Now, what else to put in there?
Looking around the crypt to see the New Council adults still focused on watching Wednesday and Goody, Enid surreptitiously reached for her phone.
One little photo couldn't hurt—
Their discussion completed, the ghost and her descendant returned their awareness to Crackstone's crypt, causing a werewolf to mourn her missed chance.
The Sunnydale veterans realized things had just become more complicated by how stiffly Wednesday was now regarding them all. At her descendant's side, Goody's previous reserved expression was even blanker than before.
Wednesday reluctantly explained, "Goody agreed to tell the secrets she used to protect Nevermore, but you need to pay her price first."
"What price?" Xander asked sharply, beating out the other adults.
Taking a deep breath, Wednesday rushed through, "We agreed to summon a ghost who didn't expect being brought back. If it's important enough, all of us have to allow Goody to summon a ghost for everybody."
If stupid and crazy worked, then it wasn't stupid and crazy.
That pretty much made the Scoobies agree to Goody's terms, though Willow insisted she be the first one to undergo the ceremony. The Red Witch reasonably thought she'd have no problem dispelling any hostile ghost.
An instant later, Willow gawked at the summoned spirit before herself. It was the absolute exemplar of 'non-hostile.'
The other living crypt occupants obviously felt the same, causing them all to miss the infinitesimal evil smirk upon Goody's lips, indicating the imminent hilarious havoc about to commence.
You didn't mess with an Addams.
Willow's eyes filled with tears of shame.
Lying at her feet was the innocent fawn she'd sacrificed during the horrible mistake that'd snatched Buffy out of heaven. Kneeling, Willow reached out to the transparent flank, astonished at touching the soft fur of the ghostly deer.
She began apologetically stroking the patient beast…which was only waiting for the proper moment to show a certain human how it could in turn physically express its own feelings.
When her fingers moved up to pet the fawn's head, this deer opened its muzzle to then viciously chomp down hard onto Willow's left thumb.
Wildlife fun fact: Newborn deer start off with just three pairs of baby teeth in their lower jaws and the adults lack upper front teeth, possessing only a hard palate there.
For Willow, this meant avoiding amputation or even minor bloodshed. It still hurt a lot as demonstrated by her loud yelling while flailing away until the ghost fawn let go to vanish, its retribution finally attained at last.
Where a transfixed Xander had been watching, he heard a familiar voice beside him comment, "Looks like the cute ones can really hold a grudge. Yeah, I'm including myself in that."
"Jesse," Xander whispered.
"Dude," the teenage ghost cheerfully greeted his best guy friend and then sent an amiable wave towards a dumbfounded Willow. She dazedly waved back with the hand that didn't have an aching thumb.
A massive wave of guilt crashed over Xander at the memory years ago of staking Jesse back in Sunnydale. "Oh, man, I'm so sorry—"
"Hey, don't be!" Jesse assured Xander. "I'm not blaming you for that. Nope, what pissed me off was later on."
"Huh?"
Jesse glared at Xander while declaring, "Dude, you went and betrayed the whole bro code with me and Cordelia!"
Enid mouthed "Bro code?" to Wednesday, who just shrugged. It didn't mean anything to her.
The girls turned back to where Xander was trying to be reasonable.
"Jesse, if you mean the rule about a bro's ex being off limits forever, you never even had a single date with Cordy! Being dead also meant you couldn't call dibs!"
The ghost refused to concede. "Well, maybe, but you still got to second base more times with her than Rickey Henderson did his entire career!"
This time when the Nevermore students looked at Faith, Dawn and Willow, they saw identical baffled expressions.
"Anyway," Jesse smirked, "That made me look for some stupidly insane prank to play on Xan to get back at him because, hey, bros."
The ladies all stared at Xander, who resignedly nodded in agreement.
"The only problem was—"
Willow interrupted in her most dangerous tone, formidable eldritch energies crackling between the witch's fingers. "Jesse, was the Fluke your fault?"
"NO!" yelped the ghost knowing any second now he could be magically noogied down to wisps of smoke arising from empty boots. "I swear, too many things like that happened to him all on his own without me doing anything!"
Xander demanded, "Jesse, I know you couldn't possibly resist doing something! Talk, or I sic Wils' Resolve Face on you and it's gotten better over time!"
Catching sight of Willow's unsympathetic gaze, Jesse gave in. "Fine, but only because I'm really proud of it! It took years to build up enough psychic energy to pull this off. That's why I had to wait until your road trip."
"You didn't," a horrified Xander began.
Jesse sniggered, "Yep, seeing you shaking your fur jockstrap as Xanan the Barbarian and his mighty sword on the Fabulous Ladies Nightclub stage was definitely worth it!"
The onlookers were witnessing Xander prove the utter futility of trying to strangle a ghost when a woman's stern voice interrupted the proceedings.
"Mr. Harris, kindly cease that at once! Please remember you're a Nevermore Academy teacher and do your best to uphold the dignity of our school!"
Another woman's voice, sounding much more compassionate, then contributed her own comments.
"If you'd like, we could discuss your anger management issues now, Mr. Harris. I'm sure with the proper therapy that you'd soon come to realize violence doesn't solve anything."
"Nah," Faith snarked at the two new ghosts, "Violence solves everythin'."
Apologies were for the weak.
Wednesday believed that, but she still blurted out a heartfelt "I'm sorry!" to the two people whose murders she'd mistakenly abetted in last year.
Principal Weems bestowed a very forgiving smile towards her former student. "We know, dear. You were doing your best, but events got out of anyone's control."
"Yeah," Faith sighed. "Welcome to the ranks of Them What Have Royally Fucked Up, kiddo. Ya don't ever stop blamin' yerself, but it makes ya wanna be better than that forever, too."
The principal quite approved of those sincere sentiments despite their rather coarse language.
Wednesday stood there frozen in the crypt, struggling to accept the sympathy she was being granted.
Fortunately for her, Enid acted with instinctive caring, reaching to grasp Wednesday's closest cold hand and giving this a supportive squeeze. It was a bit of a risk, seeing how the living Addams girl ordinarily disliked being touched by anyone.
This time, however, Wednesday allowed it instead of immediately pulling her hand away.
All the byplay caught Dr. Kinbott's eye, causing her to contentedly smile. She'd been a good therapist and was very glad to see Wednesday much better at interacting with other people.
Speaking of personal interaction…
Looming over a startled teenage specter, Principal Weems laid down the law to him.
"Mr. McNally, it's obvious you need a refresher course from us as to the proper behavior between the living and the dead. Dr. Kinbott will provide whatever psychotherapy may be required and I'll keep things orderly and disciplined. We'll be leaving now."
Jesse's agreeable shrug indicated he wasn't averse to the idea. Though, his last innocent question before all three ghosts vanished from the crypt showed Xander's friend from Sunnydale was just as big a horndog as ever:
"Does it include spankings?"
Dawn then unexpectedly heard from behind a very familiar loving voice say, "He must've been a real problem child growing up, just like my little bumblebelly!"
After that, Dawn felt a soft kiss on the back of her neck. Whirling around, she flung herself into Joyce Summers' ghostly embrace.
Wednesday stared at what had to be a mother and child reunion, only to see Enid's yearning expression out of the corner of her eye.
Knowing the werewolf's exasperation about the never-ending criticism she received from her own mother, Wednesday impulsively reached out and gave Enid's hand an understanding squeeze.
Dawn so thoroughly basked in her mother's spectral presence that she only just registered Joyce's regretful voice, "I really can't stay here much longer, so I want to say how proud I am of you all besides Dawn. Buffy, of course, and Xander and Willow and Giles and Faith—"
"YA GOTTA BE KIDDIN' ME!" came in a loud howl of genuine protest from that Slayer, who continued more quietly but with equal intensity, "How can ya be proud?! I held ya hostage in yer bedroom back in Sunnyhell!"
Enid looked properly shocked at hearing this, while Wednesday seemed to…approve.
Joyce's driest tone inquired, "So, you think you're nothing but your past? What about last April after rescuing the Boise kindergarten class from being sacrificed? Your left arm was almost bitten completely off, along with the ruptured kidney, fourteen broken bones, and barely enough blood remaining to survive!"
Absently rubbing that mentioned arm, Faith muttered, "Still feels kinda weird, not sweatin' there anymore—"
"Faith Lehane, you will let me be proud of you!" Joyce commanded.
"Yes'm!" submissively squeaked the Slayer, shooting an irritated glare at her snickering friends.
Wednesday contemplated introducing Morticia Addams to Faith, just to see what'd happen.
"Please, Mommy, I don't want you to leave," she begged, clinging to Joyce.
The distressed ghost couldn't help telling Dawn, "I don't either, O Best Beloved. There's no other choice though, but at least I know that someday we'll all be together again."
Hearing that, Dawn had to doubtfully whisper, "Promise?"
Joyce wryly smiled, "Promise. In the afterlife, I'm still going to keep bragging to everyone that my daughter is—"
Dawn's eyes widened in sudden horror, unable to avoid what she knew was coming.
"—Doctor of Philosophy in Classical Languages and Literature Dawn Summers, first class honors from Oxford University!"
They were definitely being polite by waiting about a full minute after Joyce's departure for the shared desolation in the crypt to diminish slightly.
A voice from behind Faith then approvingly noted, "A most valiant woman, don't you agree? Dr. Summers, I hope you're properly living up to her memory."
She didn't need Dawn's paling face looking past herself, nor Xander promptly pulling out an enchanted dagger from a hidden sheath, least of all Red going all searchlight bright to guess who'd just joined them.
Not when Faith knew that voice.
Keeping her own tightly controlled, she acknowledged, "Hello, boss."
Bracing herself, Faith turned around. Then, she just…stared.
Eventually, the Slayer managed in her best incredulous tone, "Why the hell do ya have a beard?"
"Now, Faith," Richard Wilkins chided while abstractedly touching this referred short beard, "Please watch your language. There are children present."
The Scoobies each looked over at where the Nevermore students were listening. Enid blushed under their scrutiny, while Wednesday merely lifted a deadpan eyebrow.
Goody didn't react at all, even when Wilkins continued, "My current appearance is how I looked in 1893 while perpetuating the offense which caused Miss Addams to partly claim my soul."
"You took her Jericho Syndrome spell, didn't you?" realized Willow.
Wilkins beamed at the witch, "As clever as ever, Miss Rosenberg. To be fair, I planned to use this for a worthy cause which was the establishment of another supernatural school in California with the same protections against discovery."
"What, Hogwarts with a tan?" Xander sarcastically needled their former Big Bad.
"If you like," an imperturbable Wilkins responded. "Unfortunately, the Boca del Infierno's corrupting influence in my case resulted in the path to the Hellmouth being paved with good intentions."
"Nice phrasing," Dawn said with matching cynicism. "Facilis descensus Averno."
"Excellent, Dr. Summers!" Wilkins gladly complimented Dawn. "From Virgil, indeed. You would've been a fine addition to Nevermore back when I taught there."
"About that," Xander pressed, "I'd like some more details over how you went from getting blown into snake chunks at Sunnydale High to being under Goody's thumb."
This time, both of Wednesday's eyebrows went up when she heard that.
"Well, when my soul was forfeit to various parties, Miss Addams took her fragment and enjoined me into making proper restitution for my transgression. She compelled a genuine form of justice—"
Willow gasped, "You're powering Jericho Syndrome now!"
"I am a master sorcerer," Wilkins modestly said. "The empowerment of that spell didn't need all this much, what with Crackstone's own contribution as he'd already been doing for the previous two centuries. I was actually pleased with his departure and final destruction leaving me to it; he'd been a quite tiresome individual."
That final statement came with an appreciative bow towards the related pair of girls. Goody didn't react while Wednesday was lost in admiration regarding her ancestor.
A witch harvesting the souls of her enemies to do her bidding? Now, that was definitely upholding the Addams family values!
"That explains a lot," Dawn said, shooting a wary glance at where Goody was impassive as ever.
Wednesday, however, looked very smug for both of the Addamses.
Turning back to a patient Wilkins, Dawn asked, "Does Goody now being part of Wednesday change anything?"
"No," the ghost answered promptly. "Her condemnation remains the same: maintaining Jericho Syndrome for as long as I did in Sunnydale, over a century. Given any attempt to evade or break Miss Addams' decree will result in what was told to me 'a whole theme park full of red delights', I'm honestly willing to continue this."
"Since you've been so helpful," Xander said, "Any idea why the old Council Slayers left Nevermore Academy alone?"
"Certainly. Due to Miss Addams' spell again, the Slayers were influenced to dismiss the school as not worth the effort to eradicate this unlike more dangerous demons elsewhere urgently needing to be eliminated instead."
Anticipating the next question, Wilkins explained, "The Hellmouth's energies weren't compatible with that part of the spell, so Miss Summers had no problem doing her duty in Sunnydale."
Faith suspiciously eyed her former boss. "I'm kinda guessin' ya did a little influencin' on everyone to get me here."
"Only by Goody Addams' leniency," Wilkins replied. He then stared directly at Faith and formally requested her absolution.
"Faith Lehane, I humbly beg your pardon for how I treated you in Sunnydale. Will you please forgive me?"
The Slayer blinked once before answering equally ceremoniously.
"Richard Wilkins, like others both here and elsewhere, you did me wrong in the past by treating me as nothing more than a weapon. You also did me right by treating me as someone you cared for. For all that, I forgive you the same way."
The ghostly sorcerer smiled gratefully at Faith before vanishing.
A muffled gasp by Wednesday swaying on her feet showed Goody missing from her descendant's side.
Straightening up, Wednesday next informed them all in her usual monotone, "That's enough. I don't think Goody will be back anytime soon, no matter what."
Willow nodded. "Thank you, Wednesday. Yes, she's part of you again—"
"Wait!" Enid yelped to Wednesday, having realized something very disturbing. "You're bringing not just Goody with you to our dorm room, but Mr. Wilkins too? A guy?!"
"If you're so worried about privacy, just close your eyes."
For such a cute kid, Enid had an awesome killer glare.
"All right, girls, head back to school. We need to discuss some stuff together," Xander directed.
"What stuff?" Enid asked curiously.
Xander quavered, "Like you young'uns don't appreciate everything! When I was your age, I had to walk ten miles uphill daily to school in regular blizzards!"
Dawn contributed, "I always pay cash in line! Teenagers behind me are lucky I'm not doing it with pennies!"
From Willow, "My hot flashes are just my inner child playing with matches!"
Faith finished, "Every night 'fore bed, I knock back a big, hearty slug of prune juice—"
Wednesday and Enid were gone.
"Okay, that was fun but now what?" Dawn chuckled among the others' laughter.
"I'd like your input when I give Giles my report, but I think he'll go along with the idea of putting a New Council team at Nevermore Academy of a Slayer, Mage, and Watcher," stated Xander.
Willow looked at her friend in surprise. "Are you planning to stay here as a teacher?"
"Nope," he shook his head, "It was just temporary. Giles will be the one to convince the principal to partner up with us, if only to deal with situations like the Hyde case last year."
"Yeah, us hot chicks with superpowers coulda handled that easy," agreed Faith.
Xander continued, "There's also what Nevermore can do for us. Some of the minis don't like the Cleveland school because of all the dominance issues there among the girls. They'd have a better time at the academy finding out they can get along with other strange people who aren't Slayers."
"Good point," Willow said thoughtfully. "Giles already knows about the problem, but that might be the answer to it."
Dawn pointed out, "Who's going to be the senior Slayer? They'd have to be really outstanding—"
"Hey, thanks, Dawnie."
"You're volunteering? Why?!" exclaimed Dawn at a smirking Faith.
The Slayer explained, "Biggest reason bein' somebody's gotta make sure Pigtails stays on the straight and narrow. With Goody and the boss both in her head, ya really want the kid to see what kinda trouble she can get into messin' 'round with Jericho Syndrome?"
The others winced at the idea, causing Faith to affirm, "Damn straight. Might as well be me as long as the job's open."
Frowning, Xander objected, "Faith, that could be a couple of years."
"Eh," Faith shrugged, "Vermont ain't no Boston, but it's still New England."
Xander considered, "Recent events aside, this isn't exactly a demon hotspot. That means the Watcher and Mage don't have to be on the front lines, increasing a lot the candidate list. You…" he speculatively eyed Faith, "…are you sure you won't be bored?"
"Betcher ass," the Slayer happily assured him. "I hear they got a sissy fencin' team here. Me as the new combat instructor, I think I'll start off with battleaxes and work our way up to heavy artillery."
Almost to the school, Enid glanced over at her friend and did a massive doubletake.
"Wednesday? Why are you smiling?"
"Okay, that takes care of the Slayer," Xander smiled at Faith. He then turned to Willow.
"You got any good suggestions about who should be the Mage? What particular various major mojo and weird science type the New Council could assign or hire?"
Willow developed a very thoughtful expression before coming out with an excited babble, "Well, there's so many who could teach at Nevermore! Just off the top of my head, I can come up with Rjinswand, Frizzle, Abronsius, Hubble, Kelp, Maleen, Hinkley, Albrechtsberger—"
Xander firmly placed his palm over Willow's mouth, cutting her off. "We get the idea."
A malicious lick of Xander's palm made him promptly snatch this away, with the Red Witch then smirking at the man glowering back at his friend.
Interrupting this byplay, Dawn asked, "Xander, can't you stay on as a substitute teacher at Nevermore even when being a Watcher?"
Xander shrugged, "I like the place and the kids, Dawnie, but it wasn't intended to be forever. Giles wants me back pretty soon."
Faith pointed out, "Nah, people, better he leaves now in a blaze of glory 'cause the most dangerous kid there just outed him, nobody else but Little Miss Wolfy herself."
"What's the big problem with Enid blogging about me being a demon hunter from the New Council?" a confused Xander asked. "It'd just get me more respect from the other students which'd sure make my job easier if I stayed…"
He trailed off, unsettled by the shared evil grins now on his friend's faces.
Dawn estimated, "In a couple minutes, Enid tells the whole world about Xanan the Barbarian. If she got lucky with a web search, there'll be a picture of you in your fluffy g-string—"
"GANGWAY!" Xander bellowed before making a desperate sprint out of the crypt.
"Do you think he'll get there in time, even running flat-out like that?" a gleeful Dawn wondered.
Willow struck a contemplative pose, arms crossed and finger tapping her chin. "He just might, if Xan doesn't trip and somehow fall headfirst into a huge pile of yucky bear poo along the way."
Dawn and Faith stared at each other and then at Willow appearing totally innocent.
"Red," Faith said carefully, "There aren't any bears 'round this place. My patrol made damn sure of that."
Willow then did a perfect Velma Dinkley impression: "Jinkies, gang! We've got a real mystery here!"
Faith asked, "Do we need a little chat with Miss Wolfy anyway? There's some other stuff she better stay quiet about in her blog."
"She won't write anything that'll hurt Wednesday and Jericho Syndrome makes sure unless you're already in the know about the supernatural, Enid only comes off as an ordinary teenager with a really wild imagination," answered Willow.
"Fine," Faith conceded. "Just so she shuts up about the Slayer 'til I get the Nevermore job."
"You just want all the vampire students instantly wet themselves when they see you," accused Dawn.
Faith's sudden wicked smile didn't deny this.
"Looks like we settled everythin'," Faith decided. "Ya two go ahead to Jericho and I'll catch up. Got to see a man about a horse first."
Dawn and Willow both gawked at an expectant Faith looking back at them. Willow was the first to disbelievingly declare, "In here?!"
Faith cocked a quizzical eyebrow at the Red Witch. "What, I haveta find a handy bush outside to spare your delicate sensibilities? 'Sides, you can't tell me that Crackstone bastard isn't a prime candidate for a li'l crypt desecration."
Before Willow could argue further, Dawn grabbed her arm and they left forthwith.
On their way, Dawn began speculating how soon Xander would ambush them. A quick dip in some pond to wash off the reeking bear scat must've had him catch a wriggling frog from there, and Xander was definitely going to drop that damp amphibian far down the back of Willow's blouse in retaliation.
Willow began whimpering for Dawn's protection when the pair finally moved out of earshot of even a Slayer's hearing.
Faith knew damn well Red had the magic to listen in the crypt unless given a total disincentive, like now.
Satisfied, she looked up at the sepulcher's ceiling.
Faith addressed the series of empty niches below the ceiling where funerary urns would've been placed: "Got it all for Big Daddy?"
Thing scuttled into view at the edge to wag an admonishing finger for referring to his employer with such disrespect. After this, an enthusiastic thumbs-up was done by the disembodied hand.
"Same deal applies, then. Pops cuts one serious check to us for me lookin' after W. Meanwhile, better train harder for our next tag rematch. Lookin' a li'l pudgy 'round the knuckles there."
The aimed finger now clearly meant: You're going down.
"In your dreams, pal."
Author's Note: And that's a wrap!
100 chapters was enough at present for my take on the latest incarnation of Charles Addams' delightful creation. Maybe I'll continue this later on, but don't wait up. Like you, I hope the current writer/actor strike won't delay the second season of Wednesday, but it sadly seems to be turning out that way. Glad you enjoyed this!