Disclaimer: I do not own these characters. They are property of NBC and Aaron Sorkin's evil genius of a mind.
--~*~--
October 1991, Washington DC
"Mom! I'm back!"
"In the kitchen! Put your stuff in the laundry and wash up. Dinner is ready in fifteen!", CJ shouted from the kitchen.
"Kay", the preteen responded running up the stairs.
Leaning over to take the garlic bread out of the oven she heard a voice behind that startled her almost making her drop the pan.
"I've always loved your lasagna. The view isn't bad either. It's been a while since I had either", a deep and desirous voice spoke from behind her.
"Oh! Dear Lord you scared me half to death! What are you doing here John!?"
"Lissy wanted to show me her diorama of the African Savannah. We started it together but I'm told the finish project was quite something."
"It was really good", she smiled briefly thinking of the well earned A her daughter was given for the project. The smile faded as she stared at her ex-husband. Just his presence made her uneasy. She could never trust herself around John Hoynes despite their past they often had a bad habit of falling into each other's beds. Her solution was to avoid him at all costs and it's been working until now. "She could have brought it to the car."
"So, I can't come in now?", he asked with a slight edge of indignation in his tone.
"No, it's just-, I wasn't expecting company that's all."
"Company?", he restated, "I'm company?!"
"Oh God John don't take it like that!", she shouted back at him.
"How else should I take it CJ!", he belted back at her.
"Daddy", their daughter timidly approached her quarrelsome parents, "I left it at school. I'll bring it home for next weekend. I'm sorry."
"Don't be jellybean", he bobbed her on the nose and kissed her forehead making her giggle as she hugged him.
"Are you staying for dinner?", Felicity asked looking at her father who looked at CJ.
"There's plenty of food if you want to", she said shrugging.
'Thanks, I'll go hang up my jacket and wash my hands", he kissed a giddy Lissy on her forehead before he left out of the room.
"Lissy get the plates", her mother ordered already seeing through her plans.
"Sure."
As their daughter set the table, CJ set the food out and took a minute to quietly speak with her.
"I thought you had to leave your diorama at school on display in the media center until the end of the month?"
"Oh? I guess I forgot", she said innocently but CJ knew her daughter. The young girl had a better memory than her parents and she would never forget something like that.
"Lissy, whatever you are doing stop, do you understand?"
"I'm not doing anything-"
"Felicity", her mother said sternly holding an unyielding gaze.
"But Mommy he's living at the hotel by himself, why can't Daddy live here with us?"
"No. You are only eleven and you do not understand the implications of grown people living together. Look, I know you would love for us to get back together but sometimes it just doesn't work out no matter how much you want it to."
"Don't you still love him?", she innocently asked with pleading eyes.
"Yes always, but sometimes you need more than that. Plus you know very well that I'm seeing someone else right now."
"Justin is okay but he's not Daddy", Lissy said as she walked over to the kitchen drawer to fetch the silverware.
'No he's not', CJ thought which is exactly why she had been avoiding John since his divorce from Suzanne finalized almost a year to the date.
"Everything looks good and smells great", John said walking back in the kitchen. "Can I help?"
"Yeah um, you can get the glasses. I'll get the sweet tea."
"Sweet tea too? You are spoiling me. I have to wait until mother visits or I go back home for a decent glass."
CJ smiled showing him the glass pitcher, "Well it's sun tea with lemons."
"Cane sugar?"
"Is there any other choice?"
"Oh, a woman after my heart", John held his hand to his chest making CJ laugh.
"It's your fault I even like sweet tea you know."
"I remember. I think we only drank this and water an entire semester."
"So, how's your mother doing?", CJ inquired as they all sat down at the table. Felicity smiled looking on as her parents fell into their usual playful conversation. Underneath the table her fingers were crossed.
--~*~--
After dinner John volunteered to wash the dishes since he was a drop in guest. So CJ put food away then relaxed in the living room with a cup of decaf coffee, while Lissy took a shower since her bedtime was vastly approaching.
"Mom!", she shouted as she came running down the steps, "Did you pick up my uniform blazer from the dry cleaner?"
"Stop shouting and yes. It's still in my car. I'll bring it in, go get in bed."
"I can grab it", John offered walking into the living room rolling down his shirt sleeves.
"It's fine John-"
"Thanks Daddy", Felicity said grinning ignoring her mother's piercing glare.
"Claud, keys?", he asked.
"Bowl by the door."
As John left CJ stared at their daughter before she spoke making the girl squirm.
"Lissy, this is the last time I'm going to tell you, stop it. Do you hear me?"
"Yes", she said sadly.
John walked back in with the jackets covered in plastic handing them to her as he dropped the keys in the bowl.
"What's wrong?", he inquired looking at Lissy then CJ.
Lissy shook her head and jumped into his arms from off the third step hugging him tightly around the neck.
"I love you Daddy."
"Aw Jellybean I love you too. Call me anytime but I'll see you next weekend and Ashton is going to be with us too. Okay?"
"Okay."
"Good", he kissed her cheek before she let go and ran up the steps. John turned to CJ still standing by the door. "What was that all about?"
"Nothing. You gone?"
"I can. Do you want to catch up for a minute? I haven't seen much of you for some months now. How have you been? You look good."
"Don't", she warned.
"Don't what? I can't pay you a compliment now?"
"I'm seeing someone."
"Oh? I haven't heard-"
"Why would you."
"Fair enough. It's just Lissy didn't mention-, I'm happy for you CJ. Is it serious?"
"It's casual with the potential to be. I don't want to move too fast. I don't want to make past mistakes."
"I was a mistake?"
"Not what I said. Moving too fast was a mistake. Justin and I are taking it slow."
"So you're not having sex?"
"None of your business."
"So that's a yes. I hope Lissy isn't in the house while you and Justin are screwing!"
"Screw you John! You don't have any right to come in here prying into my personal life and questioning my choices! Cause we both know had I not said anything your sole purpose would be to have me on my back tonight!"
"I'm going to go", John grabbed his jacket and with his hand on the knob he turned back to CJ. "I miss you Claud that's it. I miss you all the time. I think back to everything that played out between us- I put you through so much. Suzanne too but I'm better. Twenty months CJ. Not one drink. I even have a sponsor. I go to meetings every week. I just wanted- hell I don't know what I wanted. I am sorry", John opened the door and left.
Immediately feeling remorseful on how she attacked him by assuming he had an ulterior motive, CJ rushed behind him and with one hand on the door knob and the other flat against the door. She stilled contemplated opening it but she had to close the the book on John Hoynes and closed it has to remain. Too many times she opened it. It always read the same. They were so young and too much happened. As much as she wanted deep down, she couldn't get past the memories of so many times failed. From the drinking and the lying, to the day she packed up their almost five year old and left for good when she feared he would strike her, although he never did. Their history was anything but resolute.
With a sigh CJ released her grip on the door knob and turned around slumping her back against it after hearing Johns car pull off only to see Lissy standing at the top of the stairs staring at her with fat tears rolling down her rosy cheeks.
"Daddy's better now! Why can't you be nice to him!? He loves us Mommy!"
CJ started to speak but she ran into room slamming the door behind her. Her mother sighed and headed upstairs to her daughters room.
--~*~--
That Next Sunday Afternoon
"Justin", CJ let out a playful giggle as he nibbed on her earlobe. The two had a great lunch and retired to the couch where they had been necking and making out for the last fifteen minutes. "You have to go Lissy will be back soon", she said gently pushing him off of her. With a sigh he sat up.
"CJ, we have hanging out for what three-four months now? We have fun together", she nodded with a smile on her kiss swollen lips, "we go out on dates, but we haven't-", he exhaled, "when are we going to move past PG-13? I'm really trying to be patient but my balls are about to explode here!", Justin said seriously although he chuckled.
"Soon, I promise. I just need to be sure that I'm ready and comfortable with that next step. And for the record I do want to be with you too. I'm talking NC-17 stuff", she laughed.
"Damn girl", he grabbed her kissing her again before he stood to go. "You know I can stand to see the squirt. I'm down to hang."
"No. I don't want her to get her hopes up. She likes you."
"Good, I like her too. And why not get her hopes up. Are you seeing someone else?"
"No. Not really."
"Well good neither am I. I know we are doing the slow thang and I'm cool with dat but let's really try this thang", he suggested with his winning smile that attracted her to him in the first place.
"Can I sleep on it? It's not a no but I have to think about my daughter too."
"It's all good. Let me know, no pressure but now you know where I stand."
"We'll that's good to know", she smiled standing on her tippy toes to kiss him again. Before they parted none other than Lissy burst through the door.
"Mom! I'm home-Oh hi Justin!", she said excitedly as John walked in behind her staring at the two in front of him. John and CJs eyes connected briefly which made her put a little distance between her and Justin before looking away. Justin noticed.
"There she is! Lisszayy, my girl, give me five!", he held out his hand and she slapped then held out hers for him to do the same. "Hey man whatsup, I'm Justin you must be Lissy's father."
"I am and it's John", he said staring at CJ as the six foot five black man standing in front of him extended his hand. John politely shook it.
"Alright I'm gone! I'm working tonight."
"What do you do?"
"Oh I'm Vice over at the Baltimore 43rd."
"Baltimore. Kinda far."
"Not really but it's worth it to hang wit my girl."
CJ blushed but the stress lines written all over her ex husband's face was quickly sobering.
"We'll see you?", CJ said politely ushering him along.
"FoSho, Later Lissy", he said grabbing his jacket heading out the door.
"Bye Justin!"
"I'm going to walk Justin out", CJ moved past John avoiding his eyes to follow him to his car, "and Felicity, Morgan's Mom called they are waiting for you."
"I'm gone too then, bye Daddy!", she leaned up to hug her father before running out the door.
"Bye Jellybean, see you next week."
"Lissy, sweater it will be chilly later." She ran back in to grab it then bolted down the block. CJ watched her while walking over to Justin.
"So I'm guessing you didn't tell your ex about me."
"No I told him."
"Oh", it dawned on him, "he just didn't know I was black."
CJ looked at him guiltily. "No he didn't."
"Is that why you were pushing me out the door? You embarrassed of me?"
"No!", she shook her head profusely.
"CJ I get it. You're smart, he's smart both well spoken. Senator right", she nodded, "see DC elite type shit and I'm just a street kid from Baltimore who decided not to let my environment dictate how to live my life."
"I know. Instead you are out there everyday kicking but and taking names to make it a little safer for the next generation", she roped her arms around his neck, his arms moved around her waist. "I'm not embarrassed by you Justin I'm proud of the work you do. We can work on the slang", they both smiled.
"FoSho", Justin replied while there in the drive way they shared a long kiss both knowing John was looking on from inside the house through the window seething.
CJ stood outside and watched as he pulled off mentally preparing for the impending explosion of a conversation that was about to happen. A minute later she walked back in to a pacing John. Thank goodness Lissy had gone three houses down to have dinner over her friends leaving the two alone.
"Are you out of your mind?!", he blared as soon as she opened the door.
"John-"
"What the hell CJ?!"
"First you need to calm the down! You no longer have the right to shout at me and I don't need or want you approval to date anyone!", she snapped back.
"He's black and he speaks like a street thug! I don't want him around Lissy!"
"What bothers you more? That he's black or his slang? One can be fixed!"
"Claud that's not what I meant."
"Yes it is you racist asshole!"
"I'm not racist! I have plenty of black friends!", CJ scoffed. "But that's not the point!"
"What's your fucking point?!", she shouted fed up with this conversation.
"You are inviting an element into this house. He tracks down and busts drug dealers, prostitutes, and all kinds of unsavory degenerates. Anyone could follow him and that will lead to you and Felicity. You are endangering your life and our daughters. I will not allow that! I will get full custody of our daughter if you continue this!"
"You cannot come in here threatening me John! Leave now or I'm calling the police Senator."
"Claud-", he tried realizing that the conversation had gotten slightly out of hand but it was too late, CJ was steaming.
"Fuck You! Get out!"
John stormed out of the front door and slamming it behind him which echoed through the house and ricocheted throughout the quiet cul-de-sac. In his car he realized his hands were trembling the whole time. Damn did he want a drink. With too much to lose, he pulled out his cell phone from his glove box and called his sponsor.
"Mcgarry."
"Hey Leo, I- I really want a-"
"What happened?"
--~*~--
Two weeks later
"CJ are you sure you and John are over? I mean you were still screwing when he was married to Suzanne."
"Kerrie Lynn Cregg!, Watch your mouth!", CJ quietly shouted while rinsing their dinner plates and loading the dishwasher.
"What?", she said laughing at her big sisters frustration as she sat on a stool leaning on the island sipping a glass of red.
"First Lissy is still awake and second, I don't know why I ever told you that! It wasn't one of my finer moments."
"More like finer years and, you still didn't answer the question."
"Which was?"
"Are you and John over?"
CJ closed the dishwasher, dried her hands with the dish towel and reached for her glass. Leaning against the sink looking at her sister with a sigh she said yes.
"I don't believe you."
"What do you want me to say! That I love that man with every fiber in my being! That when he offered to stay and catch up the other week all I wanted to do was fuck his brains out all night!"
"So why don't you? You could stand to get laid. I mean you and Justin still haven't done anything. Which I still don't get that. I would ride that stallion from here to Baltimore."
"Kerrie!-"
"John's not married, he's sober for what 20-21 months now? Unless he started again after your last fight", CJ looked sorrowful. "Have you even spoken to him since?" CJ shook her head. "This is the longest time since he's been sober since those months after my beautiful niece was born and he has a hard on for you!"
"It doesn't erase everything that's happened."
"How long is he going to have to pay for that? He's working hard to better himself and he wasn't the only one at fault."
"You don't understand. You're too young. I had a child when I was your age and I was married to a brilliant yet highly functioning alcoholic."
"CJ you are scared and in denial. John had you since he popped your cherry in college."
"John was not my first", she said matter of factly.
"Mmm, Who?", she asked swallowing a sip of the delicious red wine their brother mailed them from the family winery in Napa.
"Marco."
"Marco? Oh my gosh Marco Arlens!", her half-sister shouted after thinking for a minute. "I knew something was going on! I came in your room that day and he was on his knees in front of you and your jeans were on your chair! You told me...Gosh, what did you say? I can't remember! I know you swore me to secrecy not to tell Daddy."
"I told you that I saw a mole on my leg and Marco was looking at it to see if it was cancerous", CJ recalled smiling.
"Yes!, you had me thinking you were going to die for about a month! I did all your chores and everything!", she threw a dish towel at her sister from off the island she was leaning on. "You little slut! You are devious! Well anyway, you said John was older, sexy, and intense. I memorized your letter."
"I see. You desperately need a life."
"Needed, I have one now. I lived vicariously through you until 18 when I got the hell outta Dayton."
"Enough about me, how are classes going?", CJ inquired attempting to change the topic.
"They are going", she answered curtly.
"Your grades?", her big sister pried.
"They're fine mom", she said sarcastically with an eye roll.
"Fine?"
"Don't start on me. They're fine. Anyway that's why I came to see Lissy...and you", she smiled sticking out her tongue. "I just needed to get outta New Jersey for a while."
"Avoiding someone?"
"No. Can we leave it?"
"How long you staying?"
"A week. Now back to you."
"Kerrie please", she sighed exasperated with the topic walking into the living room with the bottle.
"One last thing, a bit of advise from your younger smarter sister."
"Like hell, with your 'fine' grades."
"Still let's agree to disagree but, I think you should break it off with Justin. He's going to get hurt.'
"No, I like him. He's just what I need to get out of my falling back into bed with John rut."
"That's not fair to him. Besides, John had and still has you sprung", she said kicking her feet up on the coffee table.
"What?", CJ said pushing them off.
"Who has who sprung Aunt Kerrie?", Felicity asked walking in sitting on the couch next to her aunt.
Kerrie Lynn laughed out loud throwing arm her niece's shoulders pulling her closer before kissing her cheek.
--~*~--