--~*~--
2 months later
"Mom are you sure you won't miss me too much? It's Christmas! Dad said you can come", Lissy said packing her overnight duffle bag.
"No I'm fine. Justin and I will hang out here and watch some super sappy Christmas movies and drink hot cocoa. Don't forget your retainer."
"I got it. Maybe I'll miss you", she said pouting.
"Oh I'll see you the day after and you'll be too distracted opening your presents and playing with your step brother and cousins. I'll call you on Christmas too."
The phone rang interrupting the two.
"Finish up and bring your bag down your father will be here soon", she said running down the stairs to the phone.
"Kay!"
"Hello"
"Hey Babe,"
"Hey you, I'll be kid free in an hour or so. When are you coming by? And don't forget your overnight bag", she teased him excited that they were taking their relationship to the next level.
"That's just it, I'm not."
"What?"
"We just got a major lead. I can't go into deals but its some major movement happening Christmas Eve."
"So, that's in two days!"
"CJ, this is my case. I was undercover a few months ago-... I need to be here for this."
"But Justin! This is it! This is the weekend."
"I know, I'm sorry. You of all people know how much I really want to be there but-"
"Yeah. Call me?"
"Very soon. I'm sorry CJ."
"Yeah okay. Bye."
"Bye."
As soon as she hung up John knocked on the door. Since everything that happened both CJ and John returned to their corners to regroup. For John, his sobriety was premier and as much as he wanted to, trying to reconnect with CJ was not. For CJ, she had a frank conversation with Justin, who admitted that John had a valid concern due to the nature of his business as he does have to go undercover a lot but ultimately they both decided they wanted to continue to see each other.
"Evening, Merry Christmas."
"Merry Christmas", she replied somberly.
"She ready?"
"Yeah, Lissy your father is here!", she shouted up the stairs.
"Coming!"
John took a look at CJ and he knew something was wrong.
"I know that face. What's happened?"
"Justin has to work. So-"
"Come to Texas with us. Everyone would love to see you. Mother will be thrilled."
"No. I'll just knock around here. It's just", she stalled at first unsure if she should divulge the details to John but she decided to continue. "We were supposed to be with each other this weekend."
John quickly read the underlying issue.
"You mean?", she nodded. "So you two haven't?"
"Oh knock that grin off your face. Never mind, I knew I shouldn't have said anything!"
"No! It's just surprising. I mean we- but you and he."
"I'm ready!", Felicity said dropping her bag on the floor at the foot of the stairs . She reached for her coat as she accepted a kiss from her father.
"Claud come."
"What's happened?", Lissy asked.
"Justin has to work."
"Sweet! Are you coming to Texas with us?"
"No honey go have fun."
"Lissy get in the car. It's still running and the heat is on."
"Okay, Bye Mommy", she hugged CJ who hugged her back kissing her face.
"Be good and have a great holiday. I love you."
"Love you too."
As she walked out the door both her parents yelled for her not to touch anything in the car. They both laughed.
"She gets that from you John", CJ said smiling.
"I'm going to pick up Ashton. I can call the airline on the way. get a ticket for you, come back to get you and still make it in time. Claud come with us.'
"I don't know. I'll think about it."
"You have all my numbers?"
"Of course."
"Good. Well have a Merry Christmas CJ."
"You too John." It felt natural as they went to embrace and John placed a kiss at her temple and before breaking apart he ran his finger along her face outlining it.
"Still beautiful. My God CJ, do you know how much I love you?"
"I know, I love you too."
Their lips moved toward each other and after three long years they shared an intimate kiss. It was soft and possessive. It was the kinda kiss that made her knees buckle. The kinda kiss that got her in his bed every time. The kinda kiss that made her fall in love with him thirteen years ago. The kinda kiss Justin could never deliver simply because he wasn't John.
When their lips parted she smiled biting her bottom lip.
"That was nice. I miss you", she shared honestly making John smile.
Lissy honked the horn making them break apart.
"Your child", she said still flushed and slightly aroused flirting with him.
"I gotta go. Call?"
CJ nodded. John stole another quick kiss before he left.
Once gone a flood of emotions flowed through her. 'Shit', she thought. Playing with John was always dangerous but once in his arms she was always putty.
--~*~--
"So you won't be mad if I go to Texas? I mean since you're going to be working and all. Lissy has been asking nonstop and John offered. There's a flight leaving tonight."
"John offered?", he questioned.
"Justin", she sighed reaching for her glass.of wine, "nothing is going on between us. Ancient news."
"Not too ancient Lissy is only eleven and he wants you CJ. I met the man once and I can tell. He's still in love with you. The question is are you still in love with him?"
"No", she said firmly hoping he believed her because she definitely didn't. "I really like you Justin and I want to be with you. That's why this weekend was so important."
'Johnson!, Cap needs you!', a fellow officer shouted interrupting the conversation.
"I'll be right there!", he yelled before drawing his attention back to the phone. "Hey CJ I gotta go but I'm fine wit you going to Texas. If you say it's through between you and John that's good enough for me. Besides, I'm going to be here and when I finally get home I'm just going collapse, so no reason for you to spend Christmas alone. Go and have a great time."
"You sure?"
"Definitely, I'll be here when you get back ready to make up what we missed out on."
"And how do you propose to do that?", Justin could here her smile through the phone.
"A'ight, don't start CJ", he let out a laugh and so did she. "Merry Christmas."
"Merry Christmas Justin."
Hanging up, her smile quickly faded thinking of the fact she lied to Justin just now. She wasn't through with John the kiss they shared two days ago proved it. The fact that she thought about it more often than she cared to admit proved it. She picked up the phone and called John.
"Hoynes Residence", a young woman answered.
"Hi Evie? This is CJ is John available?"
"Aunt CJ! Hi are you coming for Christmas?"
"Yes-,"
"CJ's on the phone?", she heard an older woman callout from the background and assumed it was Johns mother Cybil.
"Yes Grandma!"
"Here give me the phone", she handed the phone over before saying a quick goodbye. "Claudia Jean! I have a bone to pick with you! Just because you and John aren't together anymore I see no reason for you and I should not to communicate. I appreciate you sending my beautiful granddaughter down here but I want to see you!"
"I'm am truly sorry Cybil but Suzanne was-"
"Pish Posh! You are always my favorite."
"Well I was trying to come now if it's not too late."
"No absolutely not! Let me get Johnathan. John!"
"Yeah!,"
"Claudia Jean on the phone for you!"
"I'm coming!", John sprinted over to the phone.
"I hope to see you if not call me", Cybil said in a friendly yet warning tone before passing the receiver to John.
"Yes Ma'am,"
"Hey."
"Everyone there I see."
"You know how the Hoynes clan does."
"Do you still think you can get me a ticket?"
"Yes you sure you want to come?", John asked sensing the hesitancy in her voice, "I mean I want you too but-"
"No I'm not sure but I'm coming anyway."
"Why?, wait let me switch phones. Mama, I'm going to take this call in my office can you hang up."
"Yes, of course", Cybil smiled praying the two can make it work.
John ran to his office and took the phone off the hook then yelled for someone to hang up. Hearing the click on the other end he continued.
"So why aren't you sure?"
"Because you John!"
"What did I do?"
"You purposely kissed me like-"
"Like I love you? Because I do. And I know that you still love me but all the crap that's happened keeps you at bay waiting for the other shoe to drop. Sobering up has made me see things so much clearer now."
"But the thing is, I can't trust you John and-... I can't trust me with you. And that's the most discerning."
"Yes you can CJ", his voice deepened and became soothing and desirous. "Yes you can. Give me a shot. If I screw it up I don't deserve you. Hell, I don't deserve you now but I'm still asking for a chance. Come to Texas for the holiday to start."
"I'm happy you are doing better but- I'm with Justin. If I come to Texas it will be as friends."
"So you won't let me make love to you?"
"See! I know you", John laughed out. "No John!"
"Okay Okay! I had to ask", she knew he was smiling.
"I've always loved your smile", she shared, his smile was forever imprinted in her memory.
"I'm buying your ticket then I'll call you back."
"Alright, I'm going call Kerrie then finish packing. I'll see you soon."
"I'm looking forward to it."
--~*~--
"Whore!", Kerrie shouted into the phone laughing.
"Kerrie!"
"You are! You know damn well John will be in your bed tonight. I hope you shaved, don't scare the man. Although you guys were married so-", she said laughing brashly.
"You are outta control!"
"Outta control huh?", Kerrie repeated noting her sister's unusual use of the slang terminology. "I'm glad something of Justin's is rubbing off on you."
"Why are so brazen?! Besides Justin said it was fine. "
"Still, I'm sure you really didn't give Justin a choice. If it were truly for a lack of plans my mom would have loved to have you for Christmas but I know you CJ."
"God Kerrie, what am I doing? I lied to Justin."
"You have been doing a lot of that lately."
"No I haven't!"
"You've lied to John, yourself and now Justin. It's time you stop, don't you think? Shit! Airport shuttle is here, I gotta-"
"Yeah, I'll call tomorrow."
"Merry Christmas CJ."
"Merry Christmas."
--~*~--
After exiting the plane CJ followed the signs to the baggage claim. Coming down the escalator CJ saw none other than John in chauffeurs hat holding a Cregg-Hoynes sign with a goofy grin on his face. She couldn't help but smile shaking her head.
Once at the bottom he walked over and kissed her softly on the lips as she handed him her carry on.
"I could have taken a cab."
"I know, I wanted to see you", extending his arm to her, she looped her arm in his as they walked toward baggage claim.
"How's everyone?", CJ asked once they were in the safety of his car.
"Good. The kids are already in bed most of the adults too. Mom and Cordelia are still up. Everyone is anxious to see you. How's Kerrie?"
"Good. She went to her mother's for Christmas."
"She's still in school?"
"Yep Rutgers. This is her last year."
"We tell her congrats for me."
"I will."
"She seeing anyone?"
"Oh you know Kerrie, she's always seeing someone. She never brings them around or takes them home though."
"You hungry?"
"No. John, we don't have to force the conversation."
"I wasn't trying to. I- I'm just really happy you came."
"Me too", she gave him an encouraging smile as her hand covered his on the steering wheel.
A little while later CJ pulled up to the Hoynes family estate.
"Still hasn't changed all these years", CJ said looking out the window as John pulled into the circular driveway.
Cybil raced out to hugged her ex daughter in law. John's sister Cordelia was right behind her.
"Claudia Jean!, My God you look fantastic!", his mother complimented. "Come on in well talk for a minute over a glass of wine.
"Actually I'm quite exhausted. I hate to be a party pooper but I'd rather hit the hay so I can be up early with the kids. Lissy is going to be surprised to see me."
"Oh Poo!", Cybil sighed. "Fine, but tomorrow we will talk."
"Yes Ma'am", CJ said hugging the two again.
"I'll walk CJ to the guest house then I'll lock up when I come in", John offered as his mother kissed him on the cheek.
"Thank you Johnathan. Good Night CJ!", they said before they retired for the evening.
"So, I'm staying in the guest house? I could have bunked in with Lissy."
"Well I wanted you to have your own space. If you don't want-,"
"It's fine thanks. Cybil looks good."
"She's doing better since father passed. She volunteers more at the church and is in the board for a local theater company in town. You know she always liked the Arts. Plus Cordelia moved back home with Evie and Caleb so at least she's not alone."
"I'm sorry I wasn't be there when your father died."
John nodded. He was still married to Suzanne when they had just ended their year long affair that made them both hate each other and themselves little more. CJ isolated herself from John hoping to avoid temptation and it was working but when his father died she selfishly couldn't bring herself to go to him. She regretted it every since knowing how much pain he was in.
"I have an idea why you didn't come or call me but why didn't you?"
"We just ended everything, the affair. I felt ashamed."
"But it wasn't about how you felt. It was about what I needed from my best friend."
"Suzanne was-"
"Suzanne was never who I wanted. I only married her because of Ashton, and she didn't deserve the shit I put her through. Neither did you. I cheated on her with you because you are who I want. Always."
'You should stop lying', Kerrie's words resonated in her thoughts as they stopped at the steps in front of the guest house.
"Me too", she admitted, John smiled.
"One of the last conversations with my father on his death bed was about me getting my shit straight. His words exactly." CJ looked at him. "That day when he drew his last breath, I had my last drink. After his funeral, I checked myself into a private rehab for 25 days. No one knew except Suzanne."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"Well you were avoiding me and I didn't want you to see it as a ruse. Another way to get back together with you. It had and still has a greater meaning."
"Which is?"
"A promise to my father, a promise to my children, and most of all a promise to myself. I got my two year chip the day I came to pick up Lissy. The day you let me kiss you after almost three years", he opened his wallet and showed her the coin before replacing it.
"Congratulations John", CJ hugged him, "I'm proud of you. Truly, and I really am sorry I wasn't there for you. I know how much he meant to you."
"Thank you on both counts", he kissed her on the cheek giving her a generous smile.
John unlocked the door and carried her bags in. Handing her the keys he looked around to make sure at everything was in order.
"Do you remember sneaking out here?"
"Yeah. This was our little hangout, even after Lissy was born. We would leave her with your Mom, come out, smoke a joint, and have sex all afternoon sometimes."
John smiled. "We did have fun didn't we?"
"Yes, I loved you so much John."
"I loved you too. Still do. Never doubt that. Well, I'd better go-"
"What if I'd ask you to stay?", she asked stopping him in his tracks.
"If that's what you really wanted then I would."
"I do. Stay. Please."
He locked the door and walked over to her.
--~*~--