--~*~--
March
"Do I have to go?", he asked as he snuggled in and pulled her closer to him as he kissed her side of her head.
"Yes, Lissy will get her hopes up if she sees you here in the morning."
"So let her. These last four months-, this isn't just sex. I want us to be together."
"I'm still seeing Justin", she shyly admitted.
"What?", John asked in shock still laying close to her. "You haven't ended it yet?"
"He's being temporary transferred to San Francisco. He wants Lissy and I to move out there with him, I gotta job offer."
"What are you saying to me?", the pain voice was immeasurable.
"I think I'm moving to California with Justin. We are going to give it a real try. I'm leaving in two weeks. He's already there looking for a place for us."
"How could you not tell me?, How-...", his voice struggled when it reclaimed he was furious. "How could you not say anything?!", John moved away from her, stood, and put on his boxers. "You can't do this! I won't let you! You cannot take my daughter away from me! Despite everything that happened between us I am a damn good father to my children and I will not let you or anyone take her away from me!"
"John-", CJ started as she sat up with her knees drawn to her chest covering herself with the sheet they just made love on watching him pace.
"So all this time, you've been fucking both of us?"
"Don't say it like that!"
"Tell me how should I say it! Because I thought we were working towards something!"
"Like what? Reconciliation? We can't! I told you four months ago when I came to Texas that I can't trust you! Nothing has changed!"
"But everything has changed CJ! Except you! I'm leaving! You, you are my fucking weakness. You make me drink!"
"Hey!", she shouted as she stood throwing on her robe. "Screw you John! Don't you dare lay your shortcommings on me!"
"If I were you, I expect to be summoned to family court! If you want to go to California with your hip-hop boyfriend fine but you will go alone", he said assuredly staring at her. She'd never seen such coldness in his eyes.
"Get out of my house you son of a bitch!"
"You mean my house! I bought this house for you but my name is on the deed too! You forget yourself Claudia Jean."
John gathered his remaining clothes previously removed and quickly redressed. As he started towards the door CJ's sudden demure tone stopped him.
"Don't take her please. We'll work something. I need her with me."
John turned to look at her in full blown tears and his heart softened.
"Why didn't you tell me sooner? I didn't even know you were still seeing him. You should have told me."
"I know. I'm sorry. I liked what we had but I was- am afraid to trust it and try again. Everything is new, innocent and uncomplicated with Justin. He really is a great guy and he loves Lissy. He loves me", she said with an inspiring smile.
"Do you love him?"
"I could", she nodded in an attempt to convince herself as well..
"That's not a good enough answer."
"Maybe."
"Does he know that we have...?"
She shook her head, hanging in shame as she picked at a loose thread on her bathrobe.
"Why then? If he is so wonderful why haven't you stopped this or why did start? On Christmas Eve when I walked you to the guest house you pulled me into your bed. I wasn't going to try but when you did I wasn't going to stop either because I want you CJ."
"Don't go, stay and give us a chance", Johns face was illuminated with love and hope. For the first time in a long time she believed him.
"I already promised Justin."
John left out the bedroom.
--~*~--
"So what's going to happen now?", her sister asked stealing one of her French fries.
"I'm not sure."
"Well I think you need to talk to him."
"Which one Justin or Johnathan?"
"You are always conflicted when you say Johnathan", a small smile appeared on her sisters face. "So start with him. When are you supposed to be in California?"
"Six days."
"Down to the wire huh?"
"Justin will be disappointed.'
"So you are picking John?", she asked not at all surprised.
"No, I don't know. I guess in part I feel an obligation to to Justin-"
"But this isn't the 1800s CJ. You don't have to do anything you don't want to. This is about what is best for you and Lissy. For once let your heart speak."
"I let my heart speak too many times, case and point Lissy? The affair?"
"But the question you need to answer is who do you want? That young fine sexual chocolate Justin", CJ threw a napkin at her, "Or that flawed passionate genius of a man that you have on been in love with for longer than you cared to admit ex-husband of yours. I have an idea but this is your decision."
"I want John."
"Then call him and tell him that. Then call and break Justin's heart. Which I said was going to happen, remember?", her half sister added with a head nod in her direction.
"You really have grown up huh?" the two smiled. "When are you going to find Mr Right?"
"I'm only 25. I still have plenty time to find him or maybe I'll be a bachelorette for life and have many lovers", Kerrie said as she brushed her golden hair back in a whirl then posed with her fist under her chin for support while sporting an impish smile.
"I think my stepmother would love grandchildren more."
"Maybe but when you and John get back together you're going to pop one out right? She'll have fun with yours."
"Well she won't have to wait that long."
Kerrie's eyes grew big. "Are you serious? I'm going to be an Aunt again? Is that why you've been inhaling fries?", she asked with sheer excitement at the prospect alone.
"Yes, or at least I think so. I'm late and I've been throwing up every morning for the last week. That screams pregnant to me."
"So take a test why are you prolonging it- Wait? Who's is it? Oh please tell me we get to go in Maury!"
"No! Absolutely not!", CJ said with more than a tinge of disgust in her voice. "And even if I was unsure in the paternity of my child, which I'm not, I would never go on that spectacle of a show."
"Okay well?"
"It's Johns", she picked at the edge of the paper tablecloth and added, "Justin and I have never had sex."
"You're lying", Kerrie said as she sat up in her seat. "You two have never done the horizontal mambo?"
"Nope, plus he was away for two weeks which is the date of conception."
"Which was?"
"Valentine's Day."
"You were with John, not your boyfriend, on Valentine's Day? Come closer so I can slap you. Wait! Is that the reason why-"
"No", CJ cut off her sister. but she had to admit that it did look staged. She finally came to a decision right when she suspected that she I was expecting.
"I knew the night we fought. I was going to tell him but he was so angry."
"Which he had every right to be. Maybe it was good, if you did tell him he would have burned down the house. Let's get back to the fact that you and Justin never sex, didn't- how? But John thinks you have right? CJ how could you!"
"Kerrie-"
"No! You're wrong on so many levels! You know, I've never been disappointed in you. Not even when Daddy went ballistic when he found out you were pregnant! My mother and I took up for you but this...You purposely used Justin in this twisted game of yours. He's a great funny loving guy", she said with dreamy eyes barely hiding her smile. "Now planning to move across to move across the country in with this man while possibly pregnant with Johns baby."
"No one is playing a game Kerrie! I really care for and like Justin."
"But you love John! You need to come clean with both of them", Kerrie threw a few bills on the table to cover their checks. "I say this with love, you need to sort your shit CJ."
"Kerrie? Do you like Justin?", Her sister turned and left out of thr restaurant.
—-~*~—-
CJ sat on her front steps nursing a cup of decaf coffee waiting for John to drop Lissy off that evening hoping to catch a minute with him. Not only was Kerrie not talking to her but John had stopped coming in after he dropped off their daughter and their clandestine meetings had ceased. On top of that in protest to the move Lissy stopped talking to her mother. John pulled in the driveway at exactly 7:15.
Lissy exited the car with her pink Hello Kitty overnight bag, kissed her father good bye and walked past her mother.
"Don't I get a hello Mommy or a hug?"
"Are we still moving?"
"Felicity..."
"Then no", she opened the front door and went in. John started the car to leave but CJ stood waving for his attention and ran over to the drivers side.
"John-"
"I know, I know. I'm sorry, I was late dropping her off but Ashton wasn't feeling well so-"
"That's not it", she was suddenly dumbstruck. So many words roaming through her thoughts but at this moment none of them could formulate what she'd rehearsed so many times. Her stalling irritated John even further.
"Then what do you want CJ?"
"I-...I was wondering if...well we haven't seen or spoken... "
"CJ?"
"Can you come in? I would like to talk."
"I think we have said all that we need to."
"John please this is important", he thought for a moment then turned off the car and went into the house. Both of them completely missed the black Explorer parked on the corner.
"Lissy", CJ called up the steps coming in the house.
"Kitchen."
"What are you doing? You need to get in the shower for school tomorrow."
"I was hungry. I'm making a sandwich, is that a crime? Besides why should I care about going school if we're moving. I'm just going to have to start over anyway."
"Lissy I know that you are upset but that doesn't excuse use you for being disrespectful."
"You're be disrespectful to me by dragging me somewhere I don't want to go!" John walked into kitchen. "I want to stay here and live with Daddy! You can go to fucking California by yourself with your nigger boyfriend!"
Out of nowhere a slap fell across her left cheek rendering the girl speechless and crying. She ran out of the kitchen past her now shaking mother and a stunned father straight out the front door.
"Lissy!", CJ said crying started to chase after her but John stopped her.
"Let her go. Let her breathe. I'll call Morgan's mom in a minute and make sure she's there safely then make you some tea. Why don't you to sit on the couch and relax", he said soothingly as he watched Lissy get safely inside Morgans house.
"John...I've never hit her before", she said crying in his arms. "She was just so-...the things she said."
"CJ, look at me." He lifted her chin for their eyes to meet. His heart swelled. As mad as he was he could never stop loving CJ and standing here now staring into her beautiful blue with a hint of grey eyes his feelings were even more confirmed. He leaned down and pressed a deliberately encompassing kiss on her lips. Hesitant at first, CJ returned it with even more fevor.
"John", she released a sigh as he moved to her neck sucking on her exposed flesh. "We need to...Oh God!, Talk!"
"We will", he kissed her lips again, "We will", he confirmed. "Let me make love to you baby."
She nodded her answer. John continued kissing her walking her toward the living room in the direction of the couch. Once there they both immediately started removing clothes but John stopped.
"What is it?", she asked flushed with arousal, she was beyond ready.
"I don't have a condom."
"We've never used them, we don't need to..."
"If you are with him then-"
"I'm not." This is was it, she knew it was time to tell the truth. The whole truth everything else be dammed. "Justin and I have never had sex", John head popped up in astonishment, "And", she cut him off before he responded. "I'm pregnant. It's yours John. Valentine's Day," she answered his unspoken question. It was a great night she smiled widely remembering how John took her. I was better than Christmas Eve. It reminded her when they first got together. "Also before you ask. I'm not moving to California. I want to be with you John." He had tears in his eyes. She stood, wiped his eyes then hugged him. "I'm sorry it took me so long to get here. I'm really sorry John but I am very much still in love you."
John immediately kissed her and continued what they initially started.
CJ laid her head on Johns chest, her legs between his as they laid on the couch. She listened as his heartbeat slowed to normal. She smiled hearing him snore lightly. When she moved he woke pulling her back.
"Where are you going?", he asked wrapping his arms around her torso loving being close to her again.
"Just putting on my shirt and pants. In case Lissy comes home. I think this scene well definitely send a conflicting message." John pulled her lips down to his to stop get from talking.
In that moment CJ felt apologetic. "I'm sorry John."
"I love you. And we are having another baby", John placed his hands on her stomach. "I'm happy."
"Me too."
"When do I get to meet this bundle?"
"November 20th."
"I want to marry you and I want us to live together and be a real family again."
"That would be great", she smiled.
"I'm serious Claudia."
"I know. Lissy is going to be... will she ever forgive me?"
"Of course, she loves you. She was just a little scared. How about we put on some clothes, hopefully not for too long, and then we will call Regina and tell Lissy we have some good news for her and to come home. I think this calls for ice cream."
"It's a school night!"
"So what, We are celebrating", he pulled her by the waist into a kiss. "And I'm staying here tonight", he firmly stated.
"So is this how its going to be. I have to obey your rules now?"
"Always. First rule always be ready when I come home. I'm talking head down ass up in the bed waiting for me to slide on in", he placed a kiss at her temple.
"John!", she turned in his arms to face him loving them around her. "I'll be pregnant every nine months."
"So, I want everything with you CJ."
"I do too. I have always loved you. Even after everything, you are who I want to be with John."
"Call Regina."
While CJ went to call Morgans mom, there was a knock on the door. "Lissy?", he whispered. She shrugged. John mouthed 'Ill get it.' She nodded and went back to her conversation. He approached the door wearing a Fruit of the Loom white undershirt and his slacks, barefoot.
"Lis!-sy?", he opened the door quickly only to find Justin staring back at him holding a dozen red roses and a confused look on his face from the look at Johns attire.
"What the hell is going on here!?", he shouted. CJ recognized his voice and ran to the front door. Her half dressed state didnt help the situation. Adding to insult John put his arm around CJs waist protectively drawing her closer to him.
"Justin I..."
"Hey lower your tone here! This is a respectable neighborhood not some back alley hood in Baltimore!"
"John! Stop it!", she chided him and stepped out of his embrace towards Justin. "Justin, Im sorry I was going to call you."
"You were going to call me? Was I a fucking joke, a pawn in your twisted game!?", he shouted walking away from the house.
"No!", she stepped out further.
"CJ you aren't decent come inside!" She waved his concern way.
"Justin, I'm sorry!"
"That's why you didn't want to make love! I'm so stupid all the time!", he chuckled to himself.
"Mom!", Lissy shouted running down the block. Regina stood outside to watch her since it was dark now. "Justin?"
"Lissy go in the house", CJ yelled. When the girl didn't, her mother took her hand and walked towards.the house but Lissy snatched away and ran towards Justin. His mere presence scared her but she then felt remorseful. All of the things she said about him in private and to her parents flooded out. "Lissy!"
She ran into Justins arms. Crying profusely, "I'm sorry Justin! I'm sorry."
He didnt know why she was so emotional but his temperament changed. "Hey, it's all good lil bit. I'll still care about you. Even if you're not coming to California."
"I'm not?", Lissy asked instantly confused.
"Lissy!, get in the house!", John shouted from the porch. In a blinks of an eye, they all witnessed a loud screech followed by a cloud of smoke as the air filled with the stench of burning rubber tires. Regina shouted and ran into her house after seeing the back seat window open and a gun in the window. Bullets sprayed their shells littering the area. "Lissy!" John yelled running off the porch. CJ froze as everything was happening so quickly.
"Justin!", she shouted before John pulled her to the ground.
Justin who shielded Lissy pushing onto the cement driveway before falling on top of her as the car flew by.
—-~*~—-