CHAPTER 58

McGonagall has been patiently waiting for an answer from me for the past few minutes, but I can't seem to come up with anything that does not incriminate me for knowing Snape was a Death Eater. She clears her throat, a clear sign for me to hurry, and I finally decide it's best if I tell the full truth. "Snape came to get me from the common room. He said that Dumbledore had left the castle with Harry and that everything would be happening that night."

"You knew Death Eaters were coming?"

I close my eyes. "I knew they were going to try killing Professor Dumbledore but I . . . I didn't think it was possible. I even told Dumbledore, but he said everything would be fine."

"What happened with Snape?"

"He took me into his office and said I needed to trust him. I had to trust him; he just kept telling me that I had to trust him. And I did trust him because of everything he's taught me and all the effort he put into teaching me and now—" I have to stop.

"Rodgers, I need to know everything."

I force myself to tell her everything. I tell her about staying with Snape over the holiday and knowing he was a Death Eater. I tell her about Draco's mission and what was going to happen to him if he failed. I tell her everything, except for Snape loving Lily because now I doubt if that's true.

I make sure to tell her that I truly believed Snape was in the Order because Dumbledore assured me it was true. I tell her about me using the Disillusionment Charm and following him through the castle, about trying to help everyone in the corridor, about Bellatrix taking me to Malfoy Manor and the Dark Lord being furious that she had taken me there.

Despite my better judgment, I tell her everything that happened at Malfoy Manor, and I break down into speechless sobs when I mention the Cruciatus Curse now that I'm no longer blinded with pain. McGonagall places a kind hand on my shoulder and forces me to lie back down on the bed. "You're safe from her now," she tells me. "She won't be able to hurt you anymore."

"Until I have to go to Malfoy Manor for the holiday." Assuming, of course, that the Dark Lord lets me stay there and doesn't lock me away somewhere.

Her jaw clenches at the thought. "You'll have two days to prepare yourself for that."

"What do you mean?"

"You didn't really think you'd be getting out of St. Mungo's so soon after nearly dying, did you?" She smiles slightly. "Jonathan, the Healer you met, sympathizes with the Order. I had him release you early so you could be brought here so that you might tell me what happened that night. That and I wanted to check on your well-being before you were sent back to the manor."

Pomfrey opens a vial and hands it to me. I drink it without a word, and my body becomes warm. "Miss Rodgers, would you mind if I took a look at your wound?"

I lift up my shirt, and moments later, she goes to the storeroom. "I . . . I don't know if you can do this, Professor," I say when Pomfrey is gone, "but I . . . if you could—can you ask if Pomfrey can give me a potion to sleep these next two days? I just . . . I don't know when I'll be able to sleep well again when I get to the manor."

She watches me, sorrow and pity in her eyes. "I'll speak with Madam Pomfrey about it."

Pomfrey returns with a container of potion and pours it onto my wound. "This should be applied every day for two weeks."

I reach into my pocket and pull out a bottle of identical potion. "St. Mungo's gave me some," I say with a smile.

She looks pleased but hands me the potion anyway. "Use it liberally."

Professor McGonagall steps aside with Madam Pomfrey and speaks in hushed tones. Pomfrey looks overly sympathetic before going back to the storeroom and returning a few minutes later. Then she sets down the potion next to the bed and walks away without another word.

"She cannot condone you trying to sleep for the next two days, but she won't try to stop you because you do need rest."

I grin and reach over for the potion. "Before I take this, is there anything else you want to know about what happened that night?"

McGonagall shakes her head, places her hand on my arm, and then stands and leaves. I turn the vial over in my hand, debating whether to actually take this. Then the Dark Lord and Bellatrix cross my mind. Then Snape. And the tears are upon me before I have a chance to process all of my feelings. I unstop the potion and take a swallow, the sweet taste soothing me a bit.

For the two days I spend at Hogwarts, I am only awake to eat, during which McGonagall sits with me and eats with me, to shower only once in the Slytherin Dungeons, and to apply that potion to my side. It still hurts to move, but I manage well enough not to strain myself on my walk down to the dungeons.

When my last day arrives, McGonagall informs me that I will have to go wait at St. Mungo's for Narcissa to come pick me up. I don't know how to thank her for everything she's done for me these past two days, so with teary eyes, I say a swift goodbye to her at the edge of Hogsmeade and hold my side to Apparate to St. Mungo's, grunting through the pain.

I walk back up to the room where I had been stored just a few days ago, led by Jonathan the Healer. "I hear you let me out early," I say to him.

"I'd do anything for Professor McGonagall. Besides, I knew she'd have Madam Pomfrey look after you."

"So you went to Hogwarts?"

He nods. "Graduated twelve years go."

I sit down on the bed. "And what time am I actually supposed to be leaving today?"

"Mrs. Malfoy should be here in roughly two hours to pick you up."

I lie back on the bed and close my eyes. "Thanks for everything."

No one comes to check on me for the next two hours, and I enjoy the solitude, as I am sure it will be the last time I will be allowed to be alone for possibly the rest of the holiday. At some point I must have fallen asleep, for Jonathan shakes me awake, his hand on my arm. "Miss Rodgers, Mrs. Malfoy is here for you." I open my eyes and find him smiling down at me, his blue eyes alight with humor. "You really need to wake up before she loses her mind."

"She acting impatient already?" I ask, letting him help pull me upright.

"Well . . ."

I slide off the bed to leave, but I don't even make it to the door before Narcissa rushes in, an anxious smile on her face, and embraces me. "Charlotte, we've all been so worried." I wince, a sharp pain shooting through my side and around my body, and Narcissa quickly releases me. "Let's get going then, shall we?"

My aunt places her hand on my back and leads me from the room. I nod a goodbye to Jonathan as we leave. A Ministry car waits outside for us, and I climb quietly into the back of the car, lean back on the headrest, and gaze out the window.

"Charlotte," Narcissa says softly. I feel her slide closer to me but try to ignore her. "Charlotte, I know—I know what happened."

"Your sister told you how she tried to murder me, did she?" I ask coldly, refusing to even look at her.

"Bellatrix told me everything, about how she was forced to harm you, about—"

"Forced to? Forced to?" I snap, jerking my head toward her. "Is that what she told you? She chose to Cruciate me, Narcissa. She chose to do that. She chose to hurt me. She didn't have to. You-Know-Who even told her that she did not have to do it, and she did it anyway."

She blinks, her eyes suspicious. "Since when do you not call him by his name? Not that I'm complaining but . . . it's odd for you, Charlotte."

I start crying before I can stop myself, and Narcissa takes me into her arms again. This time I hold back my wince and let myself sob into her shoulder, "Since—since he turned my-my own mother against me."

Narcissa runs her hands through my hair and lets me curl up on the seat and rest my head on her lap. She continues playing with my hair, and I have to smile at her kindness. I hate how much I disliked her when we first met, and I hate how much joy I took in showing up with Draco for the Christmas holidays despite knowing how much she despised me. I regret trying to torture her like that. She's been nothing but nice to me since finding out who I am, and for that I'm so, so grateful. But since there's not comfortable way to voice that, I just won't tell her.

"The Dark Lord will not be back until tomorrow. He wants a meeting with you." I reach up and take one of her hands and hold it closely. "I don't believe it will be anything bad, Charlotte."

I sniffle. Neither of us speaks again.

When the car comes to a stop, my aunt forces me to sit up and get out of the car. I take a good look at the imposing Malfoy Manor and shudder. So much of my life has been destroyed in this building, and now they're forcing me to enter it again. "You're welcome to your normal guest room if you want it."

I nod stiffly and follow Narcissa into the manor. I start up the steps, moving much more slowly than normal so as not to irritate my healing wound, and catch sight of Bellatrix standing at the top, and I pause, then force myself to continue, not looking at her as I walk past her.

"Aurelia," she calls from somewhere behind me, but I do not turn around. I go straight to my temporary room and lie down, ignoring the fact that none of my things are in here and I have no idea where they are.

A short while later, time spent staring at the ceiling because this whole place makes me anxious and I will not be able to get any rest here, I hear the door open but refuse to give my intruder the satisfaction of looking up at them. Besides, I'm fairly certain it will be none other than Bellatrix Lestrange, and she is the one person—with the exception of You-Know-Who—I would rather die than see right now.

"Sit up," a friendly voice commands. A smile comes to my face, and I gingerly slide toward the headboard to watch Draco as he climbs onto the other side of the bed and aims his feet toward me, his arms around his legs. "Hi."

"Hi," I answer, laughter in my voice.

"You've no idea how happy I am to see that you're alive, Charlotte. We all thought you were dead."

"Who thought that?"

"Mum and Dad, the Dark Lord, Bellatrix. Me."

"I didn't mean to frighten you," I say softly. "It wasn't something I intended to do."

"I'm sorry I didn't come visit you. He refused to allow anyone to go to St. Mungo's."

I don't have to ask who Draco's talking about. "What happened to the man who did this to me?"

Draco looks away from me. "The Dark Lord . . . punished him, but I don't know where he is now. The Dark Lord said that if you died, he would make sure that Avery suffered forever."

"Avery?"

"Yeah. Your mum—"

"She's not my mum."

"—nearly killed him with the Cruciatus Curse. No one could call her off. Mum had to use the Impediment Jinx on her to get her to stop. She saw the knife disappear with you and assumed the worst. With good reason."

I have nothing to say to this, so I remain quiet.

Draco stays with me until nightfall. Once I'd Disapparated, Bellatrix lost her mind. She attacked Avery relentlessly, and his shrieks of agony alerted the rest of the Malfoy Manor occupants who immediately rushed in to see what the commotion was. At this point, the Dark Lord was gone and no one was able to call Bellatrix off, not Narcissa, not Draco, not even Snape who was for some reason still in the manor. It took Narcissa using the spell on her for her to stop. Snape summoned the Dark Lord, and he was able to prevent Bellatrix from striking again.

Draco doesn't know the rest of the story because he was forced to leave the room with Narcissa and Snape, who then Disapparated and has not been seen again. Good riddance. All my cousin knows is that Avery was sent away to an undisclosed location for an unspecified amount of time until they learned whether I was going to survive.

I think Draco can sense that I don't really want to speak about it, and he lets it go. But he doesn't leave me for another few hours. And once he's gone, I just really wish he'd come back. I desperately miss him, the old him, the him that the Dark Lord took away from me by attempting to force him to kill Dumbledore.

The moon is shining through the window in this borrowed room, and has been for the past few hours, before the door opens again, and I can't help smile at the idea of Draco coming back to ensure that I am not alone right now. I sit up, and the smile falls from my face. "Go away."

"Aurelia, please—"

"No, Bellatrix. And my name is Charlotte. Get out of my room."

"Aurelia—"

"It's Charlotte." I wince at the effort of my growl.

"Charlotte, let me explain—"

"There's nothing to explain beyond the fact that you Cruciated me. I loved you, and you Cruciated me." Bellatrix reaches out to touch my arm, and I slap her hand away. "Don't you dare."

"I didn't have a choice."

"YOU DID!" I slide back down in the sheets and turn my back to her. The last thing I want right now is to get into a fight with Bellatrix Lestrange. She puts her hand on my shoulder, and I jerk my whole body away, slightly regretting it when the sudden movement hurts my wound. "You could have killed me—or driven me insane like you did to the Longbottoms. You need to leave. What would the Dark Lord say if he knew you were in here right now? He'd have you choose him over me. Again."

"If I had Cruciated you as powerfully as I could, you wouldn't be here right now Aurel—Charlotte. You would be in St. Mungo's, in—"

"And yet I still ended up in St. Mungo's."

She sighs and places her hand on me again, and I can't bring myself to jerk away again because I'm afraid she has a point—she could have harmed me much worse with the Cruciatus Curse than she did. "I never wanted that for you, Charlotte."

But she still Cruciated me. She still chose her precious Dark Lord over me. "You need to leave." Bellatrix removes her hand, and I quickly say, "Wait." Then I take a breath. "Before you go, I need you to do something for me."

"Anything."

"Put me under a Sleeping Spell."

"Why—"

"Just do it, Bellatrix. As gesture of kindness."

She sighs but does not argue.

The next morning, when I awaken, I see Bellatrix sitting in a chair next to my bed, her feet up on the mattress. "Aurel—Charlotte. You're awake. Good, we can go get some breakfast before your meeting with the Dark Lord."

"I'm not going to pretend that all is well, Bellatrix. You Cruciated me. You hurt me. I need you to leave now so I can get ready for my meeting with him."

She opens her mouth to argue but stops, then stands and exits the room. My tears and sobs emerge the moment she closes the door.

By the time Narcissa is escorting me to the Dark Lord's private quarters, I have pulled myself together enough to not be ashamed when I enter the room that reminds me of the Slytherin Dungeons, when I enter the room I only ever venture into to speak with the Dark Lord. He sits in front of a fire, Nagini coiled up at his feet, Bellatrix his loyal servant standing behind the chair adjacent to his. A new fury flashes in my heart now that I see her in the same room as the Dark Lord, but it's overtaken by the sudden dryness in my mouth, the pounding of my heart against my chest, and the trembling in my arms and legs. I'd do anything to get out of this room.

She smiles at me, and the Dark Lord turns his head to look at me, then says, "Charlotte. Come have a seat."

I slowly walk to the seat Bellatrix stands behind. "My Lord," I greet him respectfully, quietly enough that he might not hear the shakiness in my voice.

"Dear one," he says, and I find it difficult not to flinch at this, but it's clear he knows how uncomfortable it makes me, "as much as it pains me to inform you, you are not permitted to remain at Malfoy Manor for the holiday."

"Why, my Lord?" I ask evenly, heart dropping as I consider the places he might send me.

He glances at Bellatrix, anger written on his face. "You are a distraction to your mother. And as she is my greatest supporter, I cannot allow her to be around you. Her distraction is a weakness for the rest of us."

I hear a small noise come from her, but the Dark Lord and I both ignore it. "Where am I to go?"

"Severus has generously offered for you stay with him again," he says.

My heart stops. I can't stay with him! He betrayed me! He killed Dumbledore! Tears sting my eyes. I'm helpless. I'm alone with these Death Eaters, and I have no say in anything that they're going to do to me. I have no control over my own life right now. I'm just being passed around like some object, like some prized possession that needs to be looked after. I'm not even allowed to choose where I live. "But, my Lord—"

"There is no other option."

I bury my face in my hands to hide my tears.

"My Lord," Bellatrix says from behind me, "she can stay here. I will not allow myself to become distracted again."

"No."

A force pulls my chair across the floor, closer to the Dark Lord. "Please don't make me go back there," I breathe.

He places his hand on my shoulder, and I tense but try not to flinch away from him. "Does Severus treat you unkindly?"

I look up at him, tears blurring my vision. "No, my Lord, I just—" I shake my head.

"Dear one, trust that Severus will take care of you."

I frown at him. "I can't trust any of you."

His eyes narrow, his fist clenches in suppressed rage. "Charlotte, I will not let any harm befall you."

"You let my—you let Bellatrix Cruciate me."

"She chose to do that," he says calmly. "I did not make her hurt you."

I meet his red eyes, suppressed hiccoughs wracking my body. "I want to leave now, my Lord. I don't want to be around her any longer."

He's obviously pleased by my words. His gaze drifts to Bellatrix who I'm guessing still stands behind me. "Say your goodbyes now."

I slowly stand to my feet, and from the corner of my eye I see Bellatrix reaching toward me and throw my arm up at her. "Don't you dare touch me."

"Aurelia—"

"It's Charlotte!" I flinch at the pain in my side.

She closes her eyes and turns her head away from me. What sounds almost like a laugh comes from the Dark Lord. Then he says, "I will call upon you when it's time for you to return." My blood runs cold, and I nearly stop breathing.

I hold myself together long enough to leave the room and say to Narcissa, "I'll be staying with Snape." Then I Apparate, clenching my jaw at the wave of pain that starts at my wound and washes over me entirely, and find myself on the doorstep of Spinner's End. I give myself a short moment to brace myself, trying to push down the rising fury in my chest, and throw the door open.

Snape paces back and forth, and it's not until I slam the door shut that he realizes I'm in the room. His face drops; then he starts smiling and rushes toward me, and to my great astonishment, he wraps me in his arms. "Charlotte! I thought you were dead," he breathes. "I sneaked into St. Mungo's and saw you lying there . . ."

What the hell is happening?

"The Dark Lord forbade any of us from going, but I—Merlin, Charlotte." He pulls away from me but keeps his hands on my shoulders. "Those Healers were all but incompetent, and I don't believe you ever told me how close—"

I shove him backward, wincing from the soreness that still lingers. "Get the hell away from me! Don't you dare fucking touch me!"

"Charlotte—"

"HOW DARE YOU! HE TRUSTED YOU! I TRUSTED YOU!"

"Charlotte, you must understand—"

"Understand what? That you killed the man who vouched for you? That you betrayed me? That because of your actions, I was Cruciated by my mother, I was attacked by a damn Death Eater, I was sent to St. Mungo's, I missed Dumbledore's funeral, I—HOW DARE YOU?" My adrenaline pumps through me, my blood pounds loudly in my ears, and all I really see is red. I want to attack him.

"Charlotte, give me a minute to explain, and everything will make sense. You just need to give me a chance."

"Did you give Dumbledore a chance? Did you? Did you give him a chance to fight back, or did you kill him the cowardly way? ANSWER ME! You murdered him! You murdered him in cold blood! He's the only person who could have helped me escape You-Know-Who!"

Snape steps forward. "'You-Know-Who'? Charlotte, why—"

"Because he has the power to turn everyone I trust! You! My mum! Everyone was—you both turned on me! I trusted you with my life, and you turned on me!"

Snape raises his hands as if approaching a wild animal, and something about his stance sends a pulse of rage through me, and I cannot stop myself. A loud scream, both from pain and anger, escapes me as I lunge forward and tackle him to the floor.