Bart of Darkness Bart breaks his leg one summer and has to stay inside. While playing with his telescope he discovers Ned burying something and talking about having killed someone. He thinks Ned has murdered Maude...
PlotIt's extremely hot one summer morning. Hans Moleman comes out of his house sweating and talks to the sun. "You're certainly doing your job today Mr Sun!" However his thick glasses magnify the sun's rays and he sets himself on fire! "Oh dear..."
In town a hippy sang about the sunshine in boiling hot weather!
"Sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy..."
The rude Just Stamp the Ticket guy punched him in the face. "Ow!"
Oscar laughed hysterically. "That never gets old..."
Mr Sun wearing sunglasses or Him Glasses, was promoting orange juice. Because sentient stars with sunglasses are great orange juice mascots.
In the Springfield wax museum.
"And here we have the Beatles as exactly as they appeared on the Ed Sullivan show." said the Tour guide. The Beatles had melted from the heat. OMG Ed Sullivan what did you do to them?!
"Oh god! They're melting! Meeeeeelllllting! Oh what a world!" Oscar screamed going completely nuts quoting the wicked witch of the west.
"Well it hardly seems fair to be charged the original price! I'm up to my knees in the original cast of M*A*S*H!" said Skinner wading up to his knees in molten wax that was starting to harden.
Oscar, Martin and Database grunted as they waded about in the wax that was starting to resolidify and was getting gooey.
In the Simpsons house everyone is in their underwear because it's so hot. Homer has the fans on and the refrigerator open with a tent set up to keep cool.
"Homeboy, my hat goes off to you." said Bart rubbing himself with the bag of peas.
"It's cool in here boy." said Homer.
"Homer that will break the refrigerator. Close it if you're not using it..." said Marge.
"I got the idea when realised the refrigerator is cool." said Homer in a smooth voice.
"Well it certainly is refreshing in here. But Mom is right. Won't this overload the motor?" said Lisa.
The fridge broke. Homer groaned as it powered down.
"Marge turn the oven to cold..." said Homer.
Marge sighed.
He put Maggie on the red jelly dessert in the fridge and she went to sleep on it. Homer giggled. Bart was cooling himself by rubbing a pack of frozen peas on himself.
"Eeeew!" Lisa groaned.
"I don't like peas anyway." said Oscar.
The Simpsons went to the front lounge to languish in the sweltering heat.
Suddenly an ice cream truck rings. Bart and Lisa run outside but Bart gets stuck to the green armchair by his sweat and struggles to get free. Which he does, eventually.
Bart and Lisa, now in their swimming clothes get out to find the truck sounding like an ice cream truck out of ice cream.
"No, we're all out of ice cream, yes all your favourite flavours, gone. Sir please get away from the truck... we don't have any ice cream..." said the ice cream man.
Another was actually selling Chilli.
"Chilli! Scolding hot, burns your tongue chilli!" said the chilli truck man. "And ginger ale, fiery Texan ginger ale!"
"Chilli? Yeeeuck!" Bart groans. Suddenly Otto pulls up with a swimming pool at the back of his truck. All the local kids get in including Bart and Lisa.
"Hey Lis. I just snagged two pairs of swimming trunks. Both from Martin!" said Bart holding swimming trunks.
"Ha! I am wearing fifty pairs! Do your worst!" said Martim. The kids immediately converge on him and strip him of all his swimming trunks. He screams like a girl when he realises he is naked.
Water splashes into the truck cab where Otto is.
"I really need to install a window there..." said Otto.
However Otto needs to deliver the pool to its new owners. "Hey! I've got to get going! Get out of the pool freeloaders!" Everyone reluctantly gets out. Bart wouldn't though.
"Bart, Otto said for you to leave the pool." said Lisa.
"I'm gonna stay in the pool and follow wherever it goes to. See you round sis. Have a good life!" said Bart.
"No can do little dude. We're filling 'er up with Epsom salts and installing this pool in the old folks home." said Otto taking Bart out of the pool and putting him on the sidewalk.
"Dad,we've acquired a taste for swimming." Lisa says as they're both now indoors looking at Homer who's laying down on the sofa. "Unless you want one bugged all summer by us going 'Can we have a pool Dad?' I suggest you agree to it."
"I guess I have no choice, but no more annoying begging!" Homer sighs. "Let us celebrate this armistice with the mixing of chocolate and milk."
"I like chocolate milk!" Oscar screamed like Cheese from Foster's home for imaginary friends.
...
The Simpsons go to buy a pool but the man charges for assembly. And has pools with unsavoury names.
"The hick tub (with hicks bathing in it.) The instant rust. (Probably rusts instantaneously as soon as you fill it with water.) The lightning magnet. (Likely to result in all the kids being struck by lightning while swimming) And the Tinkler. (Kids peeing in the pool.)"
"No way! We'll build our own pool!" Homer says sulking.
However instead of building the pool, Homer and Bart dangerously muck about with the tools, including the caulk.
Bart hits Homer with a wrench.
"Why you!" Homer bends the saw so it snaps back and cracks like a whip across Bart's butt.
"Yeeeow! Eat caulk!" Bart squirts caulk glue in Homer's mouth.
"We're never going to get the pool built..." Marge sighs. She rings a bell. "We got this when we visited that Amish village." She reminds Lisa.
Suddenly Amish people everywhere hear the bell and come running.
"What is it maiden of the long blue hair?!" The Amish ask.
"Can you build us a swimming pool?" Marge asks.
"Certainly! With God's finest steel!" They build a pool.
They build a metal barn...
"'Tis a fine barn, but to be sure 'tis no pool English." said the Amish.
"D'oeth!" said Homer in old English.
While the pool was actually being built Marge was annoyed a group of Mennonites who are just gambling and not doing any work. Eventually the Amish finish the pool.
"Is it a pool yet?" Homer asks.
"You have to fill it with water first..." Lisa explained after the Amish left. Homer does so.
Suddenly there is a ring at the door.
Marge answers it and gasped in horror. Boris Yeltsin, President of Russia is there, stark naked!
"I WANT PIZZA! American comrade." He belched drunk.
Marge sighed. It's politics it happened...
Oscar came to the door.
"HE'S NAKED!" Oscar screamed.
Marge sighed and covered the young boy's eyes.
"Hey it's dark!" Oscar whined.
Marge hastily shut the door.
"Yeltsin again?" Homer asked.
Marge nodded.
Elsewhere Tonya Harding hired her bodyguards to assault her opponent to cheat at ice skating. And that's why she was put on a rocket to be launched into the sun in a later episode.
"Oh and Jack Nicholson is on the news, he's attacking a car with a golf club..." said Bart.
"Oh lemme see!" Oscar cooed.
"Hmmmmm! No, Bart put cartoons on for him..." said Marge.
"Mom, he only likes lame cartoons... the news is very inform-"
"You heard you're mother! It's hot and I am not in the mood!" Homer barked.
Bart groaned and took Oscar by the hand to the lounge and put the Disney channel on. Chip N Dale Rescue Rangers was on.
Bart sighed as he disliked cute cartoons.
"Bart the summer heatwave melted your alarm clock and now Salvador Dali is inspired by it..." Lisa called.
Bart winced.
The surrealism painter was in his room gasping and painting on an easel.
"It's too hot today..." Bart sighed. "Wait, Oz we have a pool."
"Your dad won't let me swim in my diaper..." said Oscar.
"Hmmmmmm! Homer!" Marge sighed.
"I said he has to change into a swimming diaper first!" said Homer. "You do know regular ones absorb everything! Especially the popular brand ones with the blue liquid commercials..." said Homer.
Marge sighed. "He's right Oz. You can go diapee swimming but in a swimming diaper."
Oscar sighed glum.
'Sweetie, they can't hurt you no more, you take as much time as you need to stop bed wetting." said Marge.
"Darn right they can't hurt me anymore after what I did to them..." Oscar hissed as his eyes flashed red for a moment. "I dunno if I'll ever stop wetting myself though."
...
Suddenly there is a ring at the door. Marge answers it to Bart's friends.
"Um, Mrs Simpson, can we use your pool?" Jimbo asks. She lets them in and makes sandwiches.
"Bart, are all these your friends?" Marge asks.
"Friends and well wishers." Bart explains.
"Hi Mrs Cumberdale!" A kid calls Marge by the wrong name.
Bart winced.
Everyone went swimming.
"Not so soon after eating! You'll get cramps!" Marge warned all the kids.
(Splashing and cheering)
Heading upstairs...
It was growing harder for Marge to keep a grip on Oscar's forearm as he started bouncing on the balls of his feet.
"Calm down bumpkin, you'll be swimming in just a sec..." Margesaid softly and gently. A stark contrast to Oscar's evil but thankfully dead parents.
He was lead into Maggie's room. The same routine Marge made allowances for the late bloomer. He laid upon Maggie's changing table while Marge changed him out of a regular diaper, which was soggy anyway and into a swimming diaper. For swimming.
Oscar was helped down from the table.
"Water wings?" Marge asked.
Oscar nodded.
Marge inflated a pair of water wings and put them on his arms.
Downstairs in the yard, Bart was talking to Milhouse.
Milhouse, have you ever been in love?" Bart asked his friend who was eating a cold cheese sandwich for lunch.
"Yeah. With your sister! Last night I dreamt she and I lived on a Puppy Goo Goo farm and Lisa was always walking around without her-"
"TMI Milhouse! TMI!" Bart almost vomited.
"I was just going to say pearls." Milhouse continued.
Bart looked very ill.
"Well it's your fault! You keep trying to break me and Samantha up!" Milhouse yelled.
Oscar came out,
"Hey, why are still wearing diapers? Baby!" Jimbo yanked at his swim diaper before letting it snap back against Oscar's butt.
Kids laughed. Oscar ran tearfully back inside.
Marge grumbled, annoyed at the kids for bullying Oscar.
The next morning Homer goes swimming however there's slime in the pool.
"Aaaaaaagh! Lisa! The blob's got me! Don't touch me! He'll get you too!" Homer screams.
"Dad, that's algae. You have to clean the pool out with chlorine."
"Chlorine ey?" Homer ponders.
Later all of Bart and Lisa's friends are screaming in pain with pale skin and white hair because there's too much chlorine in the water.
"I'm blinded!" Ralph screams. Milhouse with white hair is crying.
"Dad, you used way too much chlorine..." Lisa sighed.
"It burns! It buuuuuuurns!" Bart screamed.
Plot 2Later when the water no longer is burning everyone. Some kids steal Martin's swimming trunks.
"Look! I just stole these both from Martin!" Dolph boasts to Nelson.
"Ha good luck! I'm wearing fifty layers!" Martin smirks. Suddenly everyone in the pool lunges at him and steals all of his trunks. Martin then squeaks with embarrassment when he realises he's naked.
"He didn't learn that from the other day...?" Oscar asked drinking a soda.
Next door.
"Daddy can we go outside?" Todd asked.
"Put your sun cream on first Toddy, The good Lord has made the sun extra hot today!" said Ned.
Todd went to get his bottle of sun cream only to find Ralph Wiggum eating it like it was a bottle of cream cheese.
"Mmmmmmm! Cream cheese..." said Ralph.
Todd winced at him.
Meanwhile Ned waters his wife's favourite plant. He was sure he watered it already but it was very hot today. Maybe it needed more water.
Ned absentmindedly sang hymns while watering Maude's favourite plant.
Back at the Simpsons.
"This hot summers day is missing something..." said Bart.
"Nudity?" Oscar asked.
Bart frowned at him.
"I'll take that as a no..." said Oscar.
"What if I played some soothing island music on a ukelele?" said Quiffy.
"No! Stop that! Tropical vacation boy! Next you'll be breaking out with the Hawaiian shirts and Bermuda shorts!" Oscar yelled in disgust.
...
Bart then tries to jump from his treehouse roof.
"Bart no! Don't be so stupid!" Lisa yells.
"People! People, it's time we all discussed the pool-safety rules." said Martin waving his arms about.
"Shut up! Killjoy!" Bart yelled stood on the roof of his treehouse.
"Bart get down! Or I'm telling!" Lisa yelled.
"Gentlemen, I am gonna swan dive off of my treehouse into the pool." said Bart.
"Hey Bart, your epidermis is showing!" said Nelson.
"It is?" Bart looks about and tumbles.
Bart slips and falls. "Whaaaaaaa!"
He makes a sickening crunch when he lands.
"Haw haw!" Nelson laughs. Bart groans in pain. "You see Epidermis is your hair. So it's true!" He explained to Kearney.
"Nelson I think he's badly hurt." Milhouse explains.
"I said, haw haw!" Nelson replied.
Lisa was horrified as Bart lies there twitching.
...
Bart is taken to hospital.
"Give this kid some magazines..." said the nurse smoking a cigarette.
Dr Hibbert diagnosed him with a fractured leg.
"This leg is gonna come off." said Dr Hibbert. Bart gasped.
"Ahehehe! Did I say leg? I meant that sopping wet set of swimming trunks. Because you're gonna have to wear a cast Bart."
"But I can't go swimming!" Bart whines.
"Certainly not! In fact you can't get your cast wet!" Dr Hibbert explains.
Meanwhile at the Prince house hold Martin is having a wooden pool built.
"Yes! Soon I will be the queen of summer!"
The builders give him a look like he said something weird.
"I mean King of Summer!" Martin said hastily.
Back at the hospital Bart lying in a hospital bed with his leg in a plaster cast was taken by orderlies into the Broken Dreams children's ward.
Bart winced as his bed was next to the boy who broke his leg trying to fly like Superman. The boy snorted from a head cold and had a big shiny brown clown nose as his nose. He was wearing a diaper and a cast on his broken leg.
Oscar was the one who helped him out of the hospital by wheelchair, and Bart was grateful.
However Oscar did annoy him by demanding he dress up as this British comedy sketch show character, Andy Pipkin whom he hadn't the foggiest about.
...
Bart was being wheeled about the house in his wheelchair that he had ever since his accident when he plunged into Springfield gorge.
"Okay Lis, park me here. I want to gaze out of my telescope like an old sea dog looking at things."
"Okay but don't start wild theories about people again like you did with Grampa..."
"Okay I won't..." said Bart gazing at things with his telescope. Because this is a cartoon, his telescope had his magnified eye blinking at the end as he looked at things.
He saw baby Oscar in his feetie pyjamas with a cape flying about. Oscar thwacked the fourth wall iris with his teddy bear.
"Oooooouch!" Bart cried holding his eye.
At dinner. Bart was sat at the table in his pyjamas sat in his wheelchair with his big leg cast.
"So is the next paragraph just gonna be telescope gags?" Marge asked.
"Yup." said Oscar.
Bart was annoying Lisa by looking at her through his telescope at point blank range.
"Woooow... it's a large planetary body..." said Bart.
Lisa scowled and punched the telescope really hard causing it to be buried a few inches in Bart's eye socket. Bart screamed.
...
Next were gags about Bart's bandaged foot. Bart got up and put pressure on his broken leg. A sharp pain went through him. "Yeeeeeeow!" He fell to the floor clutching his leg in pain.
"Oh Bart... Dr Hibbert warned you not to put any pressure on that foot without your crutches..." Marge sighed as she helped him up.
"Can we bandage the rest of him up? Like in Chip n Dale Rescue Rangers Kiwi's big adventure?" Oscar asked.
"No! You are not doing that!" Bart replied.
"How about a crocodile chase?" Oscar asked.
"No!" said Bart.
"But..." said Oscar.
"Look when you get an unfortunate accident and fracture an arm or a leg you can do all the goofy stuff you want..." said Bart.
"I was gonna say, take advantage of everyone in the house and make them your slaves..." said Oscar.
"Ah... that's a great idea Oscar..." said Bart laughing evilly.
Bart had a itchy leg from his cast.
He rang a bell. Lisa came in tired and stuck a toothbrush down his leg cast to scratch his itch.
He later rang his bell and Marge exhausted brought him a big ice cream Sunday.
Then at four in the morning Homer made him chocolate pudding. Because he-
"No Rugrats four in the morning jokes!" Bart whined.
"Fine..." said Oscar.
"But watching late night TV seems like a great idea..." said Bart.
He stayed up late watching Westerns laughing and eating chocolate pudding. Then because he was full and couldn't eat anymore pudding Homer screamed the house down.
"(Homer screaming while we cut to the outside of the house.)"
...
The next day. Bart is sat outside in a deck chair watching everyone swim. They all sign his cast in sympathy. Milhouse signs it Milpool with a squiggly line. Oscar signed it with the word TARDIS.
Lisa thinks she should be company for poor Bart but everyone suddenly being her friend because of the pool convinces her otherwise to just ignore him.
Lisa then takes part in a synchronised swim. Bart gets fed up from watching everyone have fun so he goes inside.
"What's the point if every time I have a bath I have to wear a bin bag taped around my cast..." said Bart.
Meanwhile Lisa boast to her brain that she doesn't need it anymore because she has friends, including a posh kid who I think is Rex who called Miss Hoover a sanctimonious cow because he didn't get the lead role as George Washington. However he has had a redesign.
"Lisa please join my family for the weekend in the country. There will be horse racing and charades and ever so delightful romantic misunderstandings." said the posh kid.
Then a blond kid tried to drown Lisa.
"Why (spluttering) why would you do that?!" yelled Lisa.
The blond boy laughed like Beavis and Butthead.
Nelson emerged from diving. "Hey Lisa, I found some pocket change at the bottom of your pool! You can have it!" He gave her money.
"Thanks Nelson." Lisa took it.
Ralph emerges from the water upset. "Some one stole my juice money!"
Lisa looked about shifty.
Rex pulled Lisa's lilo about while she lied on it relaxing. Also Rex looks like Oogtar.
He asked if she would like to be invited to his chateau for croquet, tea and ever so innocent romantic misunderstandings.
Lisa winced.
Bart glared as he watched the pool from his window.
Lisa was enjoying herself.
"Remember body, we have algebra homework to do!" said Lisa's brain to herself.
"Shut up brain! I have friends now! I don't need you no more!" said Lisa.
However... "Martin's got his own pool! And he's invited everyone!" Milhouse explains. Everyone gets out and goes to Martin's. However this drains the pool of water somehow leaving Lisa trapped.
"Well, look who's come crawling back..." Lisa's brain says smugly to her.
...
Lisa and Mom were talking.
"Maybe we should spend more time with Bart. He's becoming isolated and weird." said Marge.
Bart was watching them from his window in a sinister manner and closed his blinds.
(Scary Music.)
"Yeah otherwise he'll end up like his twin brother in the attic..." said Homer in a creepy manner.
"Now Homer you get angry at me constantly mentioning your secret in the attic. Which I will make you pay dearly for!" Oscar exclaimed.
Lisa then goes to Bart's room. He's playing with his plastic soldiers in the dark.
"I swear I don't know where the bombs are! Only the miners know that!"
"Then perhaps this will loosen your tongue!"
"No! It burns! Oh god! No!"
"Bart?" Lisa asks turning on the lights.
"Turn out that light!" Lisa turns the lights off again. "What o you want?"
"I'm seeing how you're doing... Look I'm sorry you're stuck inside all day."
"Don't you have friends to play with?" Bart asks rudely.
"No they're all at Martin's." Lisa replies.
"Oh" said Bart sat on his bed with his leg bandaged up.
At Martin's, he lets too many kids in at once and they break to swimming pool, causing it to collapse.
"Nooooooo! My pool!" Martin cries. Everyone goes home. Martin stands there dejected until Nelson rips off his swimming trunks. Martin blushes.
He then sings while standing there naked.
"The summer wind came blowin' in From across the sea It lingered there so warm and fair To walk with me"
"Heehee! I can see Martin's butt!" Oscar giggles.
Martin frowned and rolled his eyes.
"Bum! Bum! Bum! Buuuuuum!" Oscar sang and chuckled.
Martin sighed and went inside to get dressed.
Milhouse and Lewis split off from the disappointed crowd. "Where's Oscar?" Lewis asked.
"Oh he's laughing at Martin for being naked apparently..." said Milhouse.
Plot 3That early evening.
Oscar went to the Gilded Truffle with Marlon Brando as Colonel Kurtz and Andy from the PlayStation game Heart of Darkness. Because he thinks it's based on the book Heart of Darkness.
"The horror! The horror!" Colonel Kurtz lamented.
"Excuse me sir we don't serve- Oh Wait your dining with Marlon Brando tonight. My apologies. Right this way." said the snooty maitre D offering them a table.
"So you offer me a table, tell me why you have come to the Corleones?" Marlon Brando was now Vito.
Oscar grimaced.
"Are you ready to order sirs?" The maitre D asked.
"I am craving a Cobb salad. What are you getting?" Andy asked Oscar.
"I'm craving a Sebastian Cobb Salad." said Oscar.
Sebastian Cobb from the Monorail episode felt uncomfortable as he sat at his table.
"Oz don't be silly..." Andy sighed.
"Just give me the entire lasagna tray from your kitchen." said Marlon Brando. Because he is fat.
Later that night Marge and Homer decide to go skinny dipping... However a spotlight appears. They scream and huddle.
It's revealed Chief Wiggum is spying on them from a police helicopter.
"Come on, keep swimming naked. Oh come on... keep swimming!" Chief Wiggum begs.
But Homer and Marge are scared.
"Ugh! Fine... Lou open fire..." said Wiggum. Um... okay... that's a tad extreme...
Inside Oscar is still up. For some deranged reason, watching Itchy and Scratchy. The episode is called Planet of the Aches.
"You damn dirty head aches! Oh! Brain freeze!" Oscar had brain freeze head aches.
Itchy walls Scratchy up behind a wall. Several centuries later he is freed by Itchy clones from the future with swollen pulsating brains.
"It's a reference to the mutant humans from Beneath the Planet of the Apes that had swollen brains and telekinesis." said Oscar.
The Itchy clones take care of Scratchy kindly. However when they guide him to an arena, they use their telekinesis to hurl axes and cleavers at him and he is chopped to pieces.
Oscar cracked up laughing.
...
At breakfast Homer walks to the kitchen but Bart in his wheelchair wheels past him.
"D'oh! And here I am using my legs like a simp!" Homer groaned.
"Homer! Bart is using a wheelchair because he was seriously injured! He fractured his leg! You don't want to be stuck in a chair all the time..." Marge explained.
"Maybe I do Marge... maybe I do..." said Homer.
Marge is pouring Oscar's cereal for him. He's six years old and clumsy still.
"Froot Loops or Lucky Charms?" Marge asked.
"Lucky Charms." said Oscar.
Bart is using his telescope that Grampa got him. However he can't find anything interesting except the beauty of space and comets and nebulae.
"Booooorrriiing..." said Bart.
Up in the attic Bart can hear fascinated growls. They are from the thing/Hugo watching the beauty of space and comets, nebulae, ufos etc from an old telescope Homer got Bart. "So beautiful... not like Hugo..." Hugo sighed.
"I'd rather use this to spy on people and the seedy underworld of Springfield... Mwuhahahaha!" said Bart.
He saw Skinner at the school sharpening pencils.
Dr Hibbert exercising while watching TV.
"It turned out to be his evil twin." said a guy on TV.
"Ahehehe!" Dr Hibbert laughed. You monster!
And the bloke from Rear Window.
"Grace, there is a sinister looking kid I want you to see..." said the man.
Bart groaned.
He starts dismantling the telescope.
But he hears a horrible scream from the Flanders house. He sees Ned in an upstairs room upset about something.
"Oh no! I've killed her!" Ned cries.
Bart gasps in horror.
"The horror! The horror!" cried Kurtz. He says this in Heart of Darkness and Apocalypse Now.
Bart grimaced exasperated.
"Mistah Kurtz. He dead." said Peter Lorre. Seriously that sounds like a Peter Lorre Igor or Herve Villechaize.
...
"Bart don't make up stories! Remember when you tarred and feathered Grampa?" Marge doesn't believe Bart.
"Yes, I did it a few minutes ago..." Grampa comes in covered in tar and feathers.
"That son of yours ain't right!" Grampa yells at Homer before storming off.
"But I swear I heard Ned say he murdered her..." said Bart.
"I think staying inside has rotted your brain..." said Lisa. "Look I'll get out your wheelchair and wheel you around the garden.
"But everyone will see me in my jammies!" said Bart.
"Then get dressed! And take a shower... peeyeeew!" Lisa ranted.
"Homer we really need to covert the kid's bathroom into a wash room for Bart..." Marge sighed.
"No." Homer refused. "I'm not made of money Marge..."
Marge seethed.
Meanwhile Oscar wanted to visit Hogwarts or Springwarts from the season four episode Barry Trotter. He would have to take the Hogwarts Express from platform Nine and three quarters.
"Don't talk rubbish," said Uncle James Bouvier. "There is no platform nine and three-quarters."
Marge sighed. "Hmmmmmm! You're over stimulated again dear. Go and watch cartoons or something."
Because the ice cream trucks driving around had no ice cream, Marge had to be inventive and made popsicles for the kids. Despite that Homer broke the freezer by overloading the motor. Uh the Amish fixed it.
She is handing out popsicles to the kids. Hugo got out for some reason.
"Bart, you're next." She mistook Hugo for Bart,
'I'm not Bart, I'm Hugo,' said the boy. 'Honestly, woman, you call yourself our mother? Can't you tell I'm Hugo?'
'Sorry, Hugo, dear."
"Goddamit! Get back up to the attic, Freak!" Homer yelled at Hugo.
Marge seethed at Homer. He flinched as she was about to lose it.
"Mommy is still angry at Daddy." said Oscar. Well technically they are his new parents given that they adopted him. He just schisms most of the time to address them on first name basis.
Lisa pulled him out of the room because she did not want him in the middle of an argument between her mother and father.
Then the door rang.
Lisa muttered and answered.
"Yeah it's a sweltering heat wave and your the one house with a pool. Let us in!" Bart's class mates and some of Lisa's were at the door in their swimming costumes again.
...
Bart is spying on Ned and the boys.
"Daddy where's mommy gone?" Rod asked.
"She's with God now." said Ned sadly.
Bart gasped.
"Can we go see her?" Todd asked.
"We can all be with her, permanently..." said Ned.
Bart gasped horrified. "He's gonna Kill Rod and Todd! That's horrible!" Bart cried. Then he realised he hated Rod and Todd. "In principle."
...
Up in the attic Hugo was reading Heart of Darkness.
Oscar was playing Heart of Darkness on his PlayStation.
"The book is nothing like the video game." said Oscar guiding Andy into another violent death.
Hugo winced exasperated and continued reading.
"Oz you - you utter fool! Dumb, muddle-headed Fish! The book came first! That mind rotting noisy thing on the TV only shares the name of this book! Now be quiet! I'm reading!"
Oscar pouted.
Lisa then spends some time with Bart.
"You believe me Lis?" Bart asks.
"Yeah but..."
"Then go and dig up some evidence while Ned's out!" Bart explains. "And nick some ice cream if he has any."
"Bart I'm not breaking into people's houses!" Lisa yells.
"Ok, ok. Let's just listen to my play." Bart sighs. He reads his awful play. "Kippers for breakfast already? Is it St. Swiven's day already?" "'Tis! Replied Aunt Helga..." Bart reads in a funny voice.
"Ok! I'm going! I'm going!" Lisa yells as she goes off to snoop in the Flanders house. Bart smirks as she goes out of his room.
Oscar giggles. "That was funny! Read the rest of it in funny voices!"
Bart rolls his eyes.
...
Lisa looks around the Flanders house. She finds a frozen head in the refrigerator.
Bart gasps in horror. However it's just a frozen head of cabbage from a farm called Shuman. Ned then comes back.
"Lisa get out!" However she goes upstairs. "No not upstairs! You'll get trapped!" Bart gaps. Ned is inside with an axe singing hymns.
"Mary had a little lamb... little lamb..."
...
Bart frightened rang the Springfield police department rescue phone. But he got an annoying automated message thing.
"If you know the name of the felony committed, press one... if you would like a list of felonies press two..." Bart nervously drummed his fingers on his desk. "If you are being murdered or are using a rotary phone, please stay on the line..." XD! Bart grunted annoyed and typed some numbers in. "You have selected regicide. If you know the king or queen being murdered press three..."
"It's Queen Victoria!" yelled Oscar.
Bart annoyed put the phone down.
"Oz you are not helping!" Bart groaned.
He watched as Ned went upstairs.
"No Lisa! You'll get trapped!" Bart yelled.
"Cast or no cast! I must save Lisa!" However he gets his leg stuck in his bin. "D'oh!" He grunts.
"Bin or no bin!" He limps downstairs. Eventually he's limping across the lawn in his pyjamas with various things stuck to his leg and bin. He arrives at the Flanders witheven more things, including an angry dog whose leash got stuck. Meanwhile Lisa is trapped in the attic as Ned goes to open it.
Lisa looks around Ned's attic. She hears an eerie groan and gasps because there is a neglected freakish twin of Rod!
"No Author!" Lisa sighed.
"Grrrrrrr... I am Geoff Flanders... Help me..." the neglected evil twin groaned.
Lisa rolled her eyes.
Bart gets upstairs and just as Ned puts his axe away, which looks threatening to Bart, Bart screams "Noooooooooo!"
"Great googily moogly! Bart! Lisa? What are you two doing here?"
"Trying to stop you from murdering Lisa like you murdered your wife!" Bart yells.
"Murdered?! Ooooohhh..." Ned faints.
...
Outside the police are gathering evidence because someone stupidly called them. However Maude arrives alive and well.
"Oh I was away at Lovejoy's learning to be a better Christian." Maude explains.
"And my dark secret is that, I killed Maude's favourite plant by over watering it!" Ned explained. Everyone gasps. "I tried burying it so you wouldn't find out!" He says to Maude.
"But I heard a woman scream..." Bart explained.
"Now that I can't explain..." Ned scratches his head in confusion.
Lou arrives with a dead plant. "We found this buried in the yard Chief." Upon seeing his wife's dead plant Ned screams like a girl.
Oscar winced.
"Well, I guess that solves everything." Bart sighs.
"Except for Ned's girlish squeals! Ok Ned you are officially weird in my book now..." Homer squints at Ned.
"Okay now that's everything sorted out." said Bart.
"Not everything. There's still the little matter of the whereabouts of your wife." said Oscar being stupid.
"I'm right here." Maude sighed.
"Oh, I see. Then everything is wrapped up in a neat little package." said Oscar sarcastically.
Everyone looked at him funny.
"Really, I mean that. Sorry if it sounded sarcastic." said Oscar.
Plot 4And so they got to the bottom of that mystery.
"Honesty Bart... Ned murdering his wife..." Marge sighed as he sat in his wheelchair while she untangled a garden hose from his broken leg that was still in its cast.
"Hey, Ironside! Haw Haw!" Nelson laughed.
Bart sighed.
He wheeled himself indoors, 'cos he's in a wheelchair. He decided to see if Krusty was on. Unfortunately it was reruns of boring episodes because Krusty was on vacation.
"Good evening. Tonight my guest is AFL-CIO Chairman George Meany... who will be discussing collective-bargaining agreements." said Krusty in a rerun of Classic Krusty.
"Also he's a meanie... Gahahahaha!" Oscar laughed as he sat on Bart's bed with Bart.
"Sssshhhh! I'm trying to be bored by this stupid show!" Bart groaned.
"It's a pleasure to be here, Krusty." said George Meany.
"Let me be blunt. Is there a labor crisis in America today?" Krusty asked being all serious and not hurling pies at everyone.
"Well, that depends what you mean by crisis." said Meany.
Bart groaned bored.
Trivia The title is a reference to the novel Heart of Darkness.