Meet The Lovejoys While at church, Bart falls in love with Jessica Lovejoy. He tries kissing up to her by rejoining Sunday School, but soon finds she's a trouble maker like himself and likes bad boys.
PlotBart and his friends are playing cowboys and Indians.
Bart and Lisa as Red Indians are crawling through the long grass.
"Remember, Bart- I mean, Dances in Underwear. We take the white man alive." said Lisa. Such unfortunately racist dialogue...
Oscar dressed as a Red Indian laughed hysterically.
"Shhhh!" Bart frowned. "Lis, I want to change my tribal name..."
"No can do, Dances in Underwear..." Lisa smirked.
Oscar chuckled.
"All right, Thinks Too Much. It shall be so." Bart snarked.
"Also stop being racist about the white people." said Oscar in hushed tone.
"Fine..." Lisa sighed.
"Keep your eyes peeled for Injuns. I mean, Native Americans. They're after us because we gave them blankets infected with cooties." said Richard role playing as a cowboy.
Actually it was Smallpox!
"I ate all my caps." said Ralph. XD!
"Throw down your weapons and kiss the prairie, cow dorks!" said Nelson as a cybernetic super soldier from the future. He shot everyone with a foam dart gun.
"Why do we have to play this corny old game anyway?" Jimbo groaned at the sight of little kids fighting dressed as Cowboys and Indians.
"It is not corny! It's cool!" Bart retorted.
Nelson ruins it by bringing his foam dart gun because he wanted to be a cybernetic super soldier from the future. He shoots everyone with his foam dart gun again.
"Nelson... Bart groaned. "That's not fair... The Killmatic 3000 didn't exist back then..."
"Did so!" said Nelson.
"Did not!" said Bart.
"Did so!" said Nelson.
"Did not!" Bart yelled.
...
The church bell rang and their parents were calling them in for church.
"Bart! Lisa! Time for church!" Marge called.
"Milhouse, time for church!" Kirk and Luanne called.
"Shlomo, time for your violin lesson!" said a Jewish Mom. Coooool! Jurkle is canon!
Jurkle, Oscar's Jewish friend winced.
"Coooool! You're canon!" said Oscar.
"Oh yeah it's Sunday..." Bart sighed.
When the kids didn't arrive their parents captured them like that scene from Planet of the apes!
"You maniacs!" Oscar yelled.
Bart sighed as he fled about. Nelson was caught by his Dad and hog tied. Apparently Mr Muntz returned from abandoning his wife and kid and seems to very Christian...
Eventually each kid was caught. The parents were tidying up their kids and speaking with them.
"Mom did you need to use reins..." said Bart.
"I'm sorry kids but you should have listened to me when I called you." said Marge.
"We could see your hair a mile off..." said Bart.
"Um yes. Now in the car..." said Marge.
In Marge's orange car.
"Why the crap do we have to go church anyway?" said Bart rudely.
"You just answered your own question with that commode mouth." said Marge sharply.
"Potty mouth..." Oscar corrected her.
"Yes Bumpkin you do need to try to go potty..." Marge said sweetly to him.
"Besides, you kids need to learn morals and decency... ...and how to love your fellow man." said Marge to her kids.
"I love men!" said Oscar being gay...
"That's not what I meant dear..." Marge sighed.
Ned Flanders then stared at Oscar in a unholy way.
"How the hell did you get in the car?!" Oscar yelled.
...
In the church.
Lovejoy said a cool and violent sermon about the typical bloodshed in the bible.
"And with flaming swords, the Aramites did pierce the eyes of their fellow men..." said Lovejoy.
"Coooooool!" Oscar cooed with joy loudly.
Marge hushed him gently.
"...and did feast on what flowed forth." said Lovejoy reading.
"Coooooool!" Oscar cooed with joy.
"Reverend!" Marge snapped at Lovejoy.
"Among whom also we all once conducted ourselves..." Lovejoy ignored her.
"...in the lusts of our flesh..." He finished and closed the bible.
"Oooooooh baby..." Oscar got aroused.
Marge glared at the Reverend.
"Well that was rather passionate." Homer was stunned and paying attention for once.
Somehow Bart had got dressed into his church clothes he was bored so he played with a troll doll with blue hair and made silly noises.
Marge confiscated the doll. "Such awful awful hair!" she commented on its hair.
Reverend Lovejoy has his daughter, Jessica read a sermon. However Bart is smitten.
"And now my daughter, Jessica... ...who has just returned from boarding school... ..Yet again." said Lovejoy disappointed with his daughter over something. "Will read the passage I just read."
"I noticed a few of you weren't paying attention." He muttered.
"I was! I thought it was cooool!" said Oscar. "I especially liked it when the Aremites plunged flaming swords into the eyes of their enemies and drank their eye blood!"
"THAT DOES IT!" Marge screamed.
Everyone gasped.
"Reverend that passage was too violent for children!" Marge nagged. "Look you've got Oscar all excited and bloodthirsty!"
"Marge that was not the point of the sermon..." Lovejoy sighed.
"The point wasn't that I must thrust flaming magical swords into the eyes of my enemies?" Oscar asked.
Bart was too busy staring at Jessica Lovejoy.
"There is a god..." He moaned aroused.
...
Then there was a funny interlude involving Sea Captain McAllister and a guy operating a lighthouse.
"I'm telling you, the light would work better if it pointed out to sea!" said a gruff sea dog.
"Shut up, I know what I'm doing." said Captain McAllister.
A ship crashed into the rocks and sank because the light was pointing the wrong way.
"I hate the sea and everything in it." said Captain McAllister.
Back at church and more violent things in the bible.
"Reverend maybe less on the violent imagery from the Good Book?" Ned asked.
"Ned, the Good Book tells us that Jesus will return in the end times heavily tattooed, wearing blood-soaked robes, with swords coming out of his mouth." said Lovejoy.
"Awesome!" Oscar cooed.
Marge frowned at Lovejoy.
"And when some naughty children mocked the bald prophet Elisha, God sent bears to tear them apart." said Lovejoy.
Oscar gulped. "Teddy you won't tear me apart for mocking Homer's baldness?"
"Uh no..." said Teddy.
Bart was doodling in a missal. A liturgical book. Ie those books the Reverend gives out At communion.
"Bart stop that!" Marge told him off for doodling in his liturgical book he got from his first communion, since then it had been defaced with many crude doodles, or Bart underlining rude words from the bible.
Oscar was squirming because he needed the bathroom.
"Sweetie sit still." Marge said softly.
"I HAVE TO PEE PEE!" Oscar cried.
Everyone chattered angrily and astonished.
Marge embarrassed took him to the bathroom.
Homer shrugged and went to sleep. He snores loudly.
Bart sighed staring longingly over at Jessica Lovejoy. She blanked him as she wasn't interested.
...
Church has finished as Sunday School starts.
"Goodbye, see your next week. Goodbye..." said Lovejoy.
Bart finds Jessica attends the Sunday school and begs to be allowed back.
Solemn music plays as he goes to Sunday school.
"Good! Good Martin!" said the teacher Ms Albright. "Ralph... Jesus did not have wheels..."
Bart arrives and asks to rejoin the Sunday School.
"But Bart, you were happy to go. We were happy! Even the hamster was happy!" The Sunday school teacher explained. The hamster was traumatized and shaking in his cage.
"Yeah, but I want to come back." Bart replied. While the teacher signs him back in he winks at Jessica, but she ignores him.
Lisa sat at her desk with Martin winced as Oscar was drawing stick men stabbing each other in the eyes with flaming swords and guffawing eagerly.
Bart rolled his eyes as he came over and looked at his drawing.
The Sunday school teacher then told the class she needed to get something from a low cupboard. She was bending down and was an obvious target as Bart could see her big butt dancing about. He took out his beloved slingshot and was considering shooting a rock at her but something in him stopped him.
"Must fight Satan!" Bart grunted. He decided not to shoot her up the butt and put his slingshot away.
"I'll make up to him later..." Bart sighed.
He saw Jessica Lovejoy and made goo goo eyes at her and smiled in love. "Uuuuuhhhh..."
Jessica huffed and turned her chair so she had her back to him as she wasn't interested in him.
"Now class we're doing a pass around." said the teacher holding a slingshot.
"How about a Passover?" Oscar asked.
"Um... no... this is church, not a synagogue." said the teacher. "Now class this is a close approximation of the slingshot David used to kill Goliath. What can any of you tell me about David." Oscar's arm shot up. "Yes Oscar..."
"He was gigantic and made of stone! And he walked about butt naked all the time!" said Oscar.
Kids giggled. Bart grimaced exasperated at him.
"Oscar that was a stature of David..." the teacher sighed.
...
At home.
Marge was furious with the Reverend for telling violent sermons.
"I thought it was very informative about how we should thrust flaming swords into each other's eyes." said Oscar.
Marge snapped. "BUMPKIN!"
Everyone shivered and flinched.
"Sweetie. Please. No more about the flaming sword thing, okay?" Marge calmed down and spoke sweetly to Oscar.
"Okay blue haired mommy." said Oscar.
"Oz you have some serious issues..." Bart winced.
"Kids why don't you all go upstairs and get changed. Don't just throw your church clothes on the floor Bart..." said Marge.
"Um Mom... my troll doll..." said Bart.
"Ok but don't bring toys to church anymore. It's heinous to not pay attention to the reverend." Marge gave Bart back his troll doll.
Meanwhile in the gay neighbourhood Smithers does his shopping in.
Smithers was walking home through the gay neighbourhood wearing a vest and gym shorts and sneakers when a buff, muscular bald gay man with a pencil moustache ran past him.
"Simon where are yoooooouuuu? I was very much looking forward to a nice hot cup of coffee!" The man yelled in a shrill voice. "You better not have stood me up!"
Smithers looked concerned. That's one obsessed man...
"Well that's one man who likes his latte." said Julio the gay hairdresser.
"Actually a small cappuccino darling! Simoooooooon! Oooooooh! You wicked man!" said the shrill voiced, scary muscular guy.
Smithers was baffled by this man's obsession with his boyfriend Simon.
"There's only one thing to do at a moment like this: strut!" said Smithers. He struts confidently down the street while Bee Gees Stayin Alive plays.
At home.
"Well Ms Albright gave me a gold star today. said Lisa sat in the kitchen having got changed back into her usual clothes.
"Yeah well Ms Albright once gave Jurkle a gold star when we were doing comparative religious studies and he cried..." said Oscar.
Bart gave him a hard look. "Why do you think he cried Einstein!"
Plot 2Another Sunday at church, Bart volunteers to pass round the money basket on a stick. He makes a gesture at Jessica to make himself known. But she looks away and sighs loudly to show she finds him annoying.
"Bart she's not interested..." Lisa sighed.
"She better be. Because that's the point of the episode. Bart falls in love etc etc..." said Oscar dryly.
At Sunday School Bart was trying to charm Jessica.
"So I was watching Conan the other night and..."
Jessica yawned and sat somewhere else.
Bart sighed.
"Okay fine! Come round mine at seven for dinner... I see if you're my type..." Jessica sighed.
Bart cheered quietly to himself and pumped his fist in the air.
In one corner Oscar, Lisa and Ralph were doing their top forty things.
"Spelling Bees." Lisa wrote as she is a bookish dork and likes learning.
"Bees, just plain bees." Oscar wrote chuckling.
Lisa glanced concerned by him liking bees for some weird reason. Mostly he likes tormenting his living teddy bear creature by unleashing an angry swarm of the stinging insects upon him.
Ralph wrote, "My pants smelling of pee." He likes wetting himself.
"Eeeeeeewwww!" Lisa groaned.
Lisa wrote "Pop quizzes."
Oscar wrote "Popping candy." He opened a box of Pop Rox and poured some into his mouth and chewed as the popping candy popped inside of him.
Lisa sighed. "You're not supposed to be eating in class..."
Oscar frowned.
Lisa wrote "Nancy Drew."
Oscar wrote "Nancy Cartwright." Bart's voice actress.
Bart grimaced concerned with him.
...
One night Bart begs to go round and have dinner with the Lovejoys.
Marge is pleased he's in love as she and her husband watch their son getting ready in the bathroom. He is apparently standing on a chair to see the mirror because he's really, really short!
"Thanks narrator..." Bart sighed as he combed his spikes down. He's wearing his smartest casual clothes. Probably something Marge bought him...
Homer then sings Sunrise, sunset, sunrise, sunset. The cat's in the cradle and yes we have no bananas tonight.
"Sunrise sunset... sunrise sunset... the cat's in the cradle and yes we have no bananas tonight." Homer sung. He starts crying and sobbing.
Marge thinks he's being very poetic but actually he's crying because the song had no bananas tonight.
"No, they have no bananas!" Homer crying and sobbing still.
"Hmmmmm..." Marge sighed.
Meanwhile at the Springfield public library.
Lisa was getting out a book when she saw the library had a cute new assistant. He was about fifth grade age. Lisa sighed romantically.
However Ralph was annoying the boy by asking if the Young Adult section had a certain book it certainly would not have.
"Do you have Go Dog, Go?" Ralph asked.
"No. that would be a juvenile book, not a young adult novel..." said the boy.
Ralph was confused. "What's a novel?"
The boy seethed annoyed.
Lisa sighed wondering what she saw in Ralph. She picked out a book, possibly Nancy Drew or the Hardy Boys and sat down to quietly read it.
A hobo slept at the reading table and snored loudly.
Lisa seethed as she was trying to read.
Ralph was trying to fly like a birdie again while holding books as wings.
"Ralph you're not a bird." The librarian sighed.
"Yes I know, I'm doing an impression of Wiggle Puppy, the flying puppy. He uses his ears to fly." said Ralph.
...
At the Lovejoys.
Tim Lovejoy was playing with his trains.
"Attention passengers, the snack car is now closed." said Tim.
Bart grimaced watching the grown man who was watching over his electronic trains as they whizzed around the table and whistled.
At dinner they engage in small talk however Bart is rude to Helen over a debate whether Rocket Sled is a real sport.
"I wasn't aware rocket sled was a real sport." said Helen Lovejoy.
"Well no offense, lady, but what you don't know could fill a warehouse." Bart said being extremely rude.
The Lovejoy's gasped.
"Explain!" Tim yelled.
Bart then talked about a rather smutty programme he watched.
He is then kicked out by an angry Reverend Lovejoy.
"You are forbidden from speaking to my daughter ever again!" Yells Lovejoy.
"But! But! But..." Bart stammers.
"Make him stop! Make him stop!" Helen Lovejoy cries. They slam the door on him.
Bart goes to leave crestfallen. However he hears Jessica speak.
"You're bad, Bart..."
"No I'm not!" Bart whines.
"You're bad, Bart... And I like it!" Jessica holds him and stares at him romantically.
"I'm bad to bone, baby!" Bart replies in his romantic voice. They then spend the evening causing trouble such as loitering outside the gym eating ice cream to tease the fat people and firing spitwads at people. Eventually they are toilet papering a house.
"You are so much better than my last girlfriend. Nadine from Hey Arnold..." Bart explains. Nadine is in the background crying and runs off.
At the Simpsons house. Because Bart was eating over at the Lovejoys because he was dating Jessica... The Simpsons released Hugo from the attic to eat with them.
Homer seethed annoyed at being undermined.
Hugo growled while eating his fish heads.
"We say grace first! Freak!" Homer scolded Hugo.
...
However Jessica only wants to cause trouble when she hangs out with Bart.
"Uh, won't that get us into trouble?" Bart is worried about doing a very bad prank.
"Come on... I'll let you hold my hand..." Jessica teases him.
"Ok!" Bart takes her hand, she tricks him into setting off the fire alarm.
The alarms ring and Jessica and Bart make a hasty escape. Skinner doesn't see them in the blind panic of students running.
"Order children! Do not panic! Order! Order I say!" Skinner tried to get them to leave in an orderly manner.
Willie pushes past to get to the kindergarten.
"Out the way wee scamps! I have to save the wee turtles!" Willie ran into the kindergarten then ran out screaming with turtles biting him. "Ahhhh! The wee turtles were too much for me!"
Oscar laughed.
Bart smirked as he fled with Jessica.
During fire drill. Nelson decided to mock Oscar's sneakers.
"Are those your shoes, or did you mug a clown on the way to school?" said Nelson taunting him.
"Well..." said Oscar pondering the question.
"Oz you're not gonna say yes are you..." Nelson sighed exasperated. "You can't tease this kid he admits to doing weird stuff!"
"I may have mugged a clown on the way to school. I didn't say I had..." said Oscar.
Ace grimaced.
"Uh..." Milhouse was baffled too.
"Stay out of this, geekoid, or you're next!" Nelson snarled.
"Everyone line up with your class who are the same people as your field trip buddies but may or may not be your lunch buddies." said Skinner.
The kids lined up according to grade. Ie Oscar was in third, Milhouse and Nelson were in fourth.
"Willie has confirmed the fire was a false alarm. Someone pulled the fire alarm as a prank..." said Skinner.
"It was Eugene!" Oscar blurted out. Every school has a Eugene...
...
Skotchtoberfest, the town park.
Bart pranks Willie by tying balloons to his kilt during a park musical lifting it up and causing people to faint, because you know what scotsmen have under their kilts...
"Ach! Ye Jessies! It's just what me Ma and Pa gave me!" said Willie.
Bart hides behind a tree and laughs. However the tree grabs him because it and several bushes are actually goons hired by Principal Skinner to trick Bart into committing a prank outside school,
Skinner is about to punish him when Oscar and some people in suits appear.
"Not so fast Principal Skinner."
"Oscar?" Bart asks.
"That's Super intendent Super intendent Oscar." Explained. "Basically I'm Super Intendent Chalmers's boss.
"You called, sir?" Super Intendent Chalmers suddenly arrives.
"Oh just mentioning you. You can run along now, Gary." Oscar replied. Chalmers leaves. "Seymour Skinner, for restraining a pupil and trying to met out punishments outside of school hours, you're fired!"
"I'll clear out my office." Skinner heads back to school.
"As for you guys, I have no idea how Principal Skinner got ahold of evil henchmen and goons anonymous, but I demand you release Bart at once and leave him alone.
"Yes sir," the goons say before leaving.
"Thanks, but how did you get that job? And why?" Bart asked.
"Working for the government as a secret agent has its perks. Plus I can be a real jerk towards Skinner and the teachers!" Oscar explained before giggling. "Besides your principal trying to act out his authority outside of school is really unfair."
"Skotchtoberfest?! What wahnsinn is this?! Acht die liebe!" Üter ranted.
Bart grimaced.
Elsewhere in the park Lisa and Alison were playing duelling anagrams with anagrams of celebrity names that suited their personality etc.
Ie Genuine class for Alec Guinness.
"Sinatra gnawing man." said Lisa which is apparently an anagram for Winning at anagrams.
Zombie Frank Sinatra was biting people.
(Zombie growling)
Lisa grimaced concerned.
...
One afternoon, Jessica takes Bart to the top of a very steep hill for a spot of skateboarding.
"Um, Jessica, isn't this hill a bit steep?" Bart asks.
"What's a matter? Chicken?" Jessica teased him.
"No! I-" Bart retorts but she makes chicken noises. "I'll show you!" Bart skateboards down the hill but he just keeps going faster and faster.
"I hope something slows me down!" Bart gulps. However he passes through an oil spill. He speeds up. Then he passes through a spillage of pearls.
Then he sees a crashed truck of glue. "Glue! That'll hold me!" However the truck is fine.
"Ain't no glue leaking out of here!" said a driver.
"D'oh!" Bart groaned. An ant drops a sunflower seed in front of him. Bart's skateboard gets caught on the seed and throws him off. He trips and hurts himself really badly as he tumbles down the rest of the hill.
As Bart gets up with a black eye... "Oh no! There goes the glue!" The glue rushes down in a massive wave of glue.
"Aaaaaaaagh!" Bart screams before being buried by the slimy glue.
"Well, that was some ride!" Jessica explained as she skated down and slowly came to a stop in the glue.
Bart gurgles.
Plot 3Sometime later at home. Bart has managed to clean off most of the glue. However Snowball II is stuck to his back because of some glue and yowling.
"Something's wrong with Bart..." Marge comments.
"Is it his glasses?" Homer asked.
"No! It's something else..." Marge replied.
"Probably his glasses." Homer is fixated of glasses.
"He doesn't even wear glasses!" Marge yells.
"Wrong again Marge! Remember that time with Mindy? When Bart had a lazy eye and I made fun of his glasses call the time?"
Marge sighed.
"Dad I don't wear my glasses anymore..." said Bart.
"Oh for the love of Groucho! Get a life! Please!" Oscar groaned.
"Continuity is important!" said Homer sharply.
Bart depressed and without the cat stuck to him laid on Lisa's floor.
"So Jessica isn't so sweet after all..." said Lisa smugly.
"She's like milk duds Lis, sweet on the outside. Poison on the inside." said Bart.
Oscar was pretending to be choking and dying dramatically. "Ecccccck!"
"Oz! What the heck are you doing?!" Bart asked loudly.
Lisa sighed.
She wrote more things in her diary she liked.
"Releasing my inner howl through music."
Oscar wrote in his diary. "Releasing my inner howl. I just like making a whole lotta noise..."
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!" He screeched loudly.
"Oscar enough! Why are you yelling for?!" Homer blundered in yelling.
"I like the attention..." said Oscar smirking.
Bart sighed.
...
Oscar was dropped off at Jurkle's to calm down.
He made jokes about the songs in Fiddler on the roof, which apparently cost the Fox Studios budget thousands of dollars in royalties.
He recorded Gwen Stafani If I was a rich girl over if I was a rich man.
"Jews wrote those trendy lyrics first, chaver." Jurkle saw their funny side.
Oscar smirked. "I am aware Gwen hasn't wrote her cover yet though, readers." She won't for ten years!
"Meh... the best version is by Alfred Molina." said Jurkle. Again he hasn't done that yet!
"DOCTOR OCTOGONAPUS BWAAAAAAAAAAAGH!" Oscar yelled then fired a Kamehameha beam out of his mouth.
Jurkle winced.
Then William Shatner was doing a scene. Because he's Jewish. Yes Kirk is Jewish!
"KHAAAAAAAAAAAN! KHAAAAAAAAAN!" William Shatner yelled.
Jurkle grimaced. "Okay let's watch something else you can't meme about..."
"Okay but we'll watch Fiddler on the roof again in 2004 when my memes make sense." said Oscar.
Bart decides he will not see Jessica anymore.
"I will make myself not see her for an entire week! Starting from today!" said Bart circling a day on his calendar and sitting down.
"Sweetie get ready for church." said Marge coming in.
"D'oh!" Bart groaned.
"I've got sax appeal!" said Lisa.
"No Lis! No! You were right! Catchphrases are hackneyed..." Bart groaned as he got dressed into his church clothes in a hurry.
"You're just saying that so you can have repetitive catchphrases but I can't!" Lisa seethed annoyed at his hypocrisy.
"No it's not that it's-" said Bart.
"Ay carumba!" Oscar yelled.
Bart sighed.
...
Sometime later they go to church. The marquee board says "Evil Women in History: From Jezebel to Janet Reno."
"I'm doing my Sunday school report on Queen Mary Tudor. Aka Bloody Mary." said Oscar.
"Oscar! Language!" Marge told him off.
Bart heard a beautiful siren song that he thought was Jessica singing.
"No Bart! Don't be tempted!" said Lisa.
"But she sounds so beautiful!" said Bart possessed with goo goo eyes. He is the first of the Simpsons in. He shoves the doors open thinking he'll find Jessica singing. But instead he finds Ned Flanders singing in a girly voice.
"Ay carumba!" Bart yelled. Possibly horrified.
"Freak..." said Homer.
"Homer!" Marge scolded him.
At Church, Bart decides to end his relationship with Jessica.
"You're trying to make me into a criminal when I just want to be a petty crook! Or the class clown!" Bart whines.
"Fine..." Jessica sighs. She then steals the money from the church plate and pins it on Bart.
"You stole the money!" Helen accuses Bart. Everyone gasps in horror.
"No I-" Bart protests.
"He admits it!" Maude talks over him.
"Get him!" said Jasper.
"Yipes!" Bart runs away and jumps out the window.
"After him!" Yells Reverend Lovejoy.
"Run, Bart! Run!" Lisa yelled.
"Run, Forrest! Run!" Oscar had to make a movie reference...
"Shut up!" Homer snapped.
...
Bart is in his treehouse. Lisa arrives.
"Leave me alone..." Bart groans.
"It's ok! I knew you didn't take the money." Lisa explained.
"Thief!" Jasper says at the window. Bart pulls down the blind.
"But the whole town doesn't believe me..." Bart whined.
"We need to find out who did it." Lisa explained.
"Duh, it was Jessica, she got me in trouble because I dumped her." Bart explained.
"That's horrible! We have to do something!"
"Like what? I can't go anywhere without being called thief..." Bart whined.
"You think you have problems..." Link sighed as he climbed up the ladder.
"Why the hell are you here?!" Bart yells at him.
"Link's Awakening reference..." said Oscar playing Zelda, Link's Awakening on his Gameboy.
Bart winced.
"Anyway I'll help Bart but I got back with Ralph." said Lisa.
"Why did you get back with Ralph..." Bart sighed.
"I dunno. I don't know what I see in him..." said Lisa.
"I see pyromaniac leprechauns..." said Oscar.
Lisa glanced concerned with him.
Ralph's backyard.
"That's my rocket ship." There was a cardboard box painted with pictures of rockets along the side as a make believe rocket ship.
"Let's go to the moon and take our helmets off so our heads explode!" Oscar yelled.
"Eh... maybe later... right now my leprechaun wants me to burn things." said Ralph.
"Knew it! Bad leprechaun! No Lucky Charms for you!" Oscar laughed.
Lisa sighed.
...
Bart tries to ask Jessica to confess. She's juggling a cheerleader's staff.
"Poor little Bart... I'm only doing this cos I care..." she prods Bart's nose with the staff.
"It doesn't seem like you do..." Bart retorts.
"Fine. I'm doing this because I don't feel like it!" Jessica started to get annoyed.
"You're not a very nice person, Jessica..." Bart said in a cross tone.
"Oh, and who are they gonna believe? The perfect daughter of the church minister? Or yellow trash?" Jessica taunted. (She actually says that!)
Bart gasped in horror at her racist slur. "That's racist!" He yelled and ran back home.
Then he sang Dusty Springfield Son of a preacher man. Because he's dating the daughter of a preacher man. Also a dust storm was due.
Bart grimaced as a dust storm brought in blinding dust that scratched off all the paint from all the cars.
Anyhoo cue him singing.
Jessica Lovejoy was the preacher's girl.
And when her daddy would visit she'd come along.
Bart strummed his guitar.
When they gathered 'round and started talkin'
That's when Jessica would take me walkin'
Out through the back yard we'd go walkin'
Then she'd look into my eyes.
Lord knows, to my surprise...
Hit it!
The only one who could ever reach me Was the daughter of a preacher man!
"Bart you don't need to adapt that song to avoid it sounding gay!" Homer yelled.
The only giiiiiiirllll who could ever teach me! Was the daughter of a preacher man!" Bart sang Dusty Springfield songs.
"Bart enough! We get it! You're story is a gender bent version I'd thst song!" Homer yelled.
"I'm dating the daughter of a preacher maaaaaaan!" Bart sang.
...
"Bart, look me in the eye and tell me you didn't steal that money." Homer explained.
"I didn't steal that money!" Bart protested.
"Why you little!" Homer strangled Bart. "How could you look me in the eye like that and lie!"
"Homer!" Marge yelled. Homer released Bart. "I happen to believe Bart. We all do, don't we?"
"Yes ma'am..." Homer sighed.
"Thief!" said Jasper at the window.
"Do I look like an elf in green clothes?!" Bart yells as he shuts the blind on him. "Ugh! No one except my family believes me... Jessica won't admit she stole the money and what's worse she called me a bad name..." Bart groaned.
"What bad name?" Marge asked.
Bart explained she called him yellow trash.
Marge gasped in horror. "That's it! I won't have racist insults in my neighborhood!" She storms off to speak to the Lovejoys.
"Bart we have to clear your name and stop Jessica!" said Lisa comforting Bart.
"How?! She's a diabolical mastermind?" said Bart.
"So's Sideshow Bob and you out smarted him all those times." said Lisa.
"She has an IQ of 180..." said Bart.
"So does everyone... that's the base IQ for a human... unless you're severely handicapped..." said Lisa.
"She reads at a fifth grade level."
Lisa didn't have a response to that.
"And her hair smells like red fruit loops..." said Bart sighing romantically. That's not a romantic smell...
"Yeah? Well I eat fruit loops for breakfast..." said Lisa menacingly.
That attempt to quote Commando failed on so many levels Lisa...
Plot 4The Lovejoys don't believe Marge so they go to church the next Saturday. Bart's only allowed in if he's strapped into a Hannibal Lecter gurney.
"Why did we agree to this..." Marge sighs at Bart in his Hannibal Lecter gurney. He blushes.
Lisa asks to make a speech about honesty. Reverend Lovejoy allows her to.
She makes a big passionate speech about honesty and begs the culprit behind the money theft to own up, making an obvious hint at Jessica.
"So I ask you to repent and save yourselves from your own personal hell!"
"Oh god! I smelt marijuana smoke in Vietnam!" Skinner lamented.
"I was the one who got Star Trek cancelled!" said Abe Simpson aka Grampa.
"You son of a bitch!" Benjamin swore as Benjamin, Doug and Larry, Homer's college friends beat up Abe.
"Guys no! You're assaulting an old age pensioner!" Marge protested.
"Aaaaah he deserved it Mrs Simpson..." said Database coldly.
"I left my car keys in Old Mrs Glick..." Dr Hibbert lamented.
Mrs Glick opened her mouth to speak but beeped like a car key fob for keyless entry cars.
Homer laughed because he thought that was funny.
Oscar took to the podium. "Anything else plaguing your conscience Dr?" He glared at Dr Hibbert.
"Uh no..." said Dr Hibbert.
"Not plagued by guilt by what you did to Bart's mentally unstable twin brother, Hugo?!" Oscar ranted.
"It's not season eight yet! Sit down!" Homer yelled.
"Oh for goodness sake! The culprit is Jessica Lovejoy!" Everyone gasps. "Check under her bed and I'm sure you'll find the money!"
Everyone goes to the Lovejoys to call Lisa's bluff. She was right, the money is under Jessica's mattress.
"Why Bart's bed has somehow transported itself into my daughter's room!" Reverend Lovejoy remarks. Everyone glares at him. "Oh come on people!"
"No Dad, I did it. This is your daughter crying for attention as usual..." Jessica breaks down and admits the truth.
"I guesss we brought you home from convent school just a tad too early..." Reverend Lovejoy sighed.
"Dad! I was expelled! Remember? The cherry bomb in the toilet... the itching powder... Dad! Are you even listening?" Jessica rants as Reverend Lovejoy sings a hymn loudly over the top of her.
Everyone looks awkward.
"Well, I guess you all owe my son an apology!" Marge said sharply.
Everyone apologises to Bart as he is still strapped in his gurney.
Bart thanks them one by one.
...
The next day, Jessica is scrubbing the doorstep of her family's house.
"Well, I hope you learned your lesson, Jessica. That crime doesn't pay..." Bart explained.
"No. As soon as I'm no longer grounded, I'm going to make you pay, Bart Simpson! And your righteous little sister too!" Jessica ranted before cackling evilly as Bart backed away.
The end?