Ldub: Thanks for reviewing!

Hawknest143: Thanks for reviewing! Yeah, I love their relationship. They genuinely care about each other. I don't think Charlotte expected Snape to be the person she would hate to lose so much that he was the one who showed up to save her

EmilyCMalfoy: Thanks for reviewing! Zoe's appearance here might've given Charlotte some closure at least. Yes, we can still be friends :)

PineappleBearr: Thanks for reviewing! I completely understand where you're coming from, but for these chapters specifically, I saw them each ending in different stages of Charlotte's psyche: the first was her realizing that something is wrong; the second was her getting some memories back and facing the fact that part of her would prefer to be Aurelia rather than Charlotte; and the third was her confronting the part of her that wants to be Aurelia. That being said, however, there are some chapters toward the end of this Part that I will likely combine. The updates will be slower when that happens, which I don't like because of my own anxiety about taking too long, but I'll work through it, I've done it before. I'm glad you're still enjoying it, and I'll combine some of the chapters later on in this Part when I feel that it can work well for those chapters

94kgirly: Thanks for following!

CHAPTER 15

I roll over on the sofa and look at Severus—Snape, I reprimand myself—and lift a shaking hand. "Can you fix my wrist?" I whisper, watching the blood trickle down to my elbow. He waves his wand, saying an incantation, and the wound closes up. I then wipe away the remaining blood. "What happened to it?"

He watches me sadly. "I believe you might have ripped it back open during—"

"Why didn't the Dark Lord fix it when he had Bellatrix change my memories?"

"I'm unsure. Perhaps to make it seem that the Order had used some terrible magic against you?"

"Did you enter my mind to save me?"

"No. Why?"

"I was fighting her—Aurelia, the part of me, I guess, that wanted to still be her—and…and she was trying to Cruciate me and you showed up and tossed me a dagger and held her back and told me to kill her and I did; I stabbed her in the gut and you told me to do it again so I did, and then she collapsed and Azkaban came toppling down and you abandoned me when I fell into the water, and I started drowning and I thought I was going to die and my lungs were burning so I gave up and took a deep breath and started choking and woke up here."

Snape fidgets uncomfortably in his chair. "You were…choking here. You couldn't breathe, but there was nothing I could do to help you."

I close my eyes. "I appreciate the effort you put into helping me, Professor." I didn't deserve any of it.

Severus—Snape, I growl to myself—is quiet for a moment before saying, "You should really go upstairs and get some rest, Charlotte. You've been through hell. Your mind needs to rest, you've exhausted it."

I sigh. "Let me sleep here first. I'll go upstairs when I wake up. I don't have the energy to go up there right now."

He does not argue.

As August wears on, I lose my words almost completely, and Spinner's End falls silent except for the quiet calls of Snape—Severus, no wait, I was right that time—when it's time for me to eat, which is now something he forces me to do because otherwise I would simply fail to do so. And I struggle to eat what little he puts on my plate, but he never lets me leave until at least half the food is all gone. He says I need it. I'm inclined to believe him.

I've grown to fear looking in the mirror now. The girl looking back at me is hardly recognizable. Her eyes are sunken; her face is gaunt; her skin is sickly pale. It looks as if I have not seen a true meal in almost three years, and honestly, it's beginning to feel that way. But I don't have the energy for it anymore. I don't have the energy for anything beyond lying down. But I can't sleep. Every time I close my eyes, I'm back in Azkaban.

Nightmares are abundant. I can't rest, I can't eat. I can't live like this.

Snape informed me yesterday that Voldemort has placed jinxes and protective spells around Spinner's End to keep me from being able to escape again or anyone else from coming here to rescue me. It's not that he doesn't trust Aurelia Lestrange—it's that he doesn't trust that Charlotte Rodgers hasn't told someone about where she's staying in hopes that someone will rescue her.

He also regretted to inform me as well that Voldemort has decided that I will be called upon the last Saturday of every month to face another attempt to impregnate me. The only good thing about this information is that I now know that I only have to do that once a month. But this month will be different. Because the Dark Lord will apparently be busy at the end of this month (I'm afraid to ask what he'll be doing), I will be called back earlier. And that manages to drain whatever little bit of energy I have.

I'm trudging my way down the stairs for breakfast when I catch sight of the headline in today's Daily Prophet. I stare at it for just a moment before slowly finishing my walk to the kitchen. Severus—Snape—is standing at the stove, his back to me. I put on a brave face for his sake. "I saw the good news."

He flinches before turning to look at me, his eyes somewhat wide with surprise. "You came downstairs without my having to force you to."

"You've been confirmed as headmaster," I say as I sink into one of the chairs.

"And the Carrows have officially taken over the teaching posts of Muggle Studies and Defense Against the Dark Arts."

"Any…any mention of Charity Burbage?"

"Only that she resigned." He places breakfast in front of me, and I mutter a quiet thank-you, but he simply brushes my comment aside and sits down across from me.

All speaking ceases after that, and neither of us attempts to end the silence. Instead we eat our breakfast without a word. Well, he eats; I just pick at the food. Once he's finished eating, I take the plates to the sink, letting Snape go to his normal armchair. I wipe a few silent tears from my cheeks and school my features before leaving the kitchen to pass through the living room. "Stay down here for a while, Charlotte. You need to stop locking yourself in that dreadfully dreary room of yours."

I don't have the energy to make any comment or to try to argue with him—or, if I'm being honest, to walk up the stairs—so I lie down on the sofa, my head on the end close to him, and close my eyes.

Severus—Snape—doesn't attempt to push me to do anything else.

For the next couple of days we follow the same routine. I join him for breakfast and remain asleep on the sofa until lunch, after which I retreat back to my room until dinner. I stay in the living room with him after dinner for a few hours before I once again retreat to my room to start the whole thing over again. Hardly any words pass between us anymore, and if I'm being honest with myself, I actually really miss it.

Then Severus—Snape—decides to upset this new way of life. I'm taking my first bite of dinner when the professor says gently, "You know what day it is, do you not?"

I meet his eyes. "Should I?"

He watches me sadly. "Tomorrow you go back to the Dark Lord."

I swallow down the sudden jolt of fear and push my plate away. "I…I want to go lie down." But not close my eyes because of the nightmares, but I can't tell him that. "Thank you for dinner."

Severus calls after me once as I leave to go back upstairs, but I do not stop. I close my door and lock it, my eyes landing on the two things I have refused to look at since Snape restored all of my memories: the sketchbooks and the rolled-up canvases. I sit down on the bed and pull a sketchbook into my lap.

It only takes one drawing for me to break into a sobbing mess. The very first one is of the Slytherin common room. Around the edges of the room stand Draco and his disciples and many other faceless Slytherins. At a table in the center of the drawing are Astoria, Malcolm, Grant, and Daphne, and the others who disliked Draco during my fifth year. Zoe is noticeably absent from her drawing, but I am not. I'm the only person she added any color to, and I close the book back, weeping.

She's gone because of me.

Against my better judgment I unroll the painting. I know roughly what to expect from this—it's the painting of our Patronuses.

But I'm not prepared to actually see it for the first time.

The black panther of mine, its eyes a blue eerily identical to my real eyes, stares directly at me from where it sits in front of a large body of water. I can see nearly every hair on its body. Behind it is a beautiful orange sky and what appears to be Hogwarts in the far distance. Directly beside my panther is a swan, its body turned toward the panther's, its forehead pressed against the side of the panther's face to create half of a heart.

Zoe's Patronus was a swan.

I close my eyes tightly and carefully roll it back up. Then I crawl onto my side and close my eyes.

I can't do this. I should have left well enough alone.

But I was hoping seeing her work would somewhat soothe me, knowing that she is there still, that she is not entirely gone.

All it did was make me more miserable.

I spend the next few hours attempting to sleep but find that I'm unable to. I'm afraid to close my eyes, I'm afraid to fall asleep. And even if I did manage to fall asleep, it wouldn't be restful, as I've learned over the past few days.

The moon is high in the sky before I resign myself to the fact that I'm genuinely afraid to be alone right now, and I slide out of my bed and make my way to Snape's door. I knock on it gently, but he doesn't answer. I try again, and when he still doesn't answer, an overwhelming sadness springs up in my heart. I can't be alone right now.

I push the door open and find Snape lying in his bed, breathing deeply. I hang my head and close my eyes.

I enter the room regardless and close the door quietly behind me. Then I walk over to his side of the bed and sit down on the floor, pulling my knees to my chest and leaning against the bed. I reach up to where his arm is and take his hand, willing myself not to cry. He stirs awake, and I hold my breath. "Charlotte?" he croaks.

"I'm sorry, I just don't want to be alone," I mutter, feeling the tears already burning.

"You—"

"Please don't make me be alone. Tomorrow…" I shake my head, unable to finish that statement.

He sighs but doesn't try to make me leave. He falls back asleep quickly, and eventually I manage to as well.

When I wake up the next morning, I'm lying flat on the floor, a pillow under my head and a blanket draped over me. I sit up and, finding that Severus isn't there, force myself to stand and put the pillow and blanket back on the bed. Then I make my way to my borrowed room to gather my things and wash up before I go downstairs.

When I finally find my way downstairs, Snape is already in the kitchen, and as I step through the doorframe, I ask, "You…you were aware, weren't you, when I came into your room last night?"

He turns and watches me for a moment before answering honestly, "Slightly. Though I partially believed none of it was true."

"I…thank you, Professor," I say quietly, "for not kicking me out last night. I don't…I don't think I could've…I don't think—"

"You need not thank me, Charlotte," he interrupts me, his voice kind.

I nod and walk over to him, taking the spatula from his hand and taking over the task of cooking us both a breakfast. Snape doesn't leave the room but rather simply steps aside and leans against the counter, watching me carefully as if I might burn the house down. "You didn't see the need to monitor me last summer when I caught the kitchen on fire," I comment.

"And you caught the kitchen on fire because of it."

I smile in spite of myself but don't answer him. It takes all of ten minutes for both breakfast to be finished and for my slight happiness to drain away. Our meal—his meal, my few bites—is taken in silence, and Severus—Snape—clears off the table before I have the chance; however, I don't move from my spot until he has set out the dishes to dry and is walking past the table. Then I whisper—not on purpose, my voice just seemed to fail me—"Professor, could you teach me to resist the Imperius Curse?"

Snape stops short and looks at me sorrowfully, then sits down across from me. "I cannot teach you to fight off the Imperius Curse before you are to see him today," he says gently. "And I will not use it against you so soon before your meeting as it will weaken you."

"And possibly make it more difficult to use Occlumency?"

He nods silently.

We make our way into the living room and take our normal places on the sofa and in the armchair, where we remain for the next short while until a thought occurs to me and I blurt out, panicked, "Where is Milo?"

How could I have let him slip my mind for so long? He was a part of Zoe.

Snape glances over at me. "Milo?"

"The owl. The little owl from Zoe's. Where is he?"

"I sent him to Hogwarts."

My heartbeat slows down to a normal speed, and I lean back against the sofa, breathing steadily once more. Snape's eyes do not leave my face for a few moments before he waves his wand and a large wooden square flies into the room and lands on the corner of the coffee table. "Is this your way of saying that I need to take my mind off of things?"

His moves his armchair closer and nods.

We begin a game of wizards' chess, though I really don't feel up to it. I just don't want him to worry too much over me.

Severus—Snape—has beaten me three times by the time his Dark Mark burns. He watches me, visibly upset, for a moment, and I close my eyes and focus on steadying my breathing. "I take it I'll be going alone again?"

"I'm aware that you went to Professor McGonagall the last time this happened to you, and you're free to go there again if you need to."

"But that will endanger her. I can't—I can't lose someone else to him."

"She is more than capable of taking care of herself. I know you told your mother that Professor McGonagall helped break down the barriers in your mind."

"I put her in more danger," I sigh.

"And I'll do my best to protect her. She's the most capable person in your life besides me who'd be willing to help you with that. They must believe it was her. You told her where you were staying, and she checks in on you once a week—in her Animagus form. When she noticed something was wrong, she Stunned me and set out to fix it." He waits until I nod, somewhat reluctantly, before speaking again. "You must leave now."

I'm just about to Disapparate when Severus shouts, "Wait! Give me a strand of your hair."

"Why—"

"So that I might go to Professor McGonagall and warn her."

Agreeing despite the sudden coldness in my stomach at the thought of McGonagall being hurt, I rip a strand of hair from my head and hand it over to him. Then he nods, and I Apparate.

I find myself in Bellatrix's room, but she's not here. Part of me deflates. I'd been hoping to speak only with her before going to see the Dark Lord, but now I see that this was foolish. Of course she wouldn't be in her chambers. So I make my way out of the basement and up to the sitting room, and as I turn the first corner, I run into Narcissa, whose eyes instantly become sorrowful. "Aurelia, it's wonderful to see you."

"Likewise, Aunt Narcissa," I answer as I believe the real Aurelia Lestrange would do. "How's Draco?" She falls into step with me.

"He's well."

"Is that true?"

She watches me suspiciously. "As well as can be expected."

I nod but don't speak again, and when we turn the corner, we find Bellatrix pacing back and forth. "Mum," I call to her.

Bellatrix turns to me and, her voice relieved, just says my name.

I leave Narcissa behind and go to my mother and embrace her. "How much time do I have before he comes for me?"

"Not long."

I turn back to Narcissa. "I want to take a walk with Mum. Alone."

"Feel free to walk the backyard."

I take my mother's arm and rush us from the manor, and once we're safely away from all ears, the two of us on a bench in the maze that Draco showed me so long ago, Bellatrix whispers, "Can it be true? Is it really you, Aurelia?"

"Professor McGonagall was able to reverse what was done." I rest my head on her shoulder and slip my hand into hers.

"Why did you choose that…Gryffindor to help you?"

"She's important to me, as some Death Eaters might learn in this coming year."

"The Head of Gryffindor House is important to you?"

"She was kind to me when my own mum wanted to kill me."

Her grip on my hand tightens but rather than replying to what I've just said, she simply informs me that her Dark Mark is burning, which means it's time for me leave her behind. She offers to walk with me back up to the manor, and I readily accept. We go in silence, something I don't try to change, and once I've reached the room, I embrace Bellatrix once more, then leave her and close the door behind me, preparing myself for whatever the Dark Lord might do to me once he discovers that I have my memories back.

Voldemort enters the room, that same fake kindness on his face I saw the last time I spoke with him. I cannot wait to watch it melt away. "Aurelia," he greets me. "I trust that Severus has been treating you well?" I take his hand and kiss the back of it.

I will not expose my true self until I've gotten the potion to block pain. "Yes, my Lord, very much. I think I enjoy his company." He seems pleased with this answer. "May I ask you a question, my Lord?" He watches me for a moment, so I go ahead and ask. "Why did you allow him to know who I am before the others?"

"I trust Severus. I know he would never betray me, and so I knew he would watch over you." I nod but say nothing else. Then he procures a vial from his robe pocket and hands it over. "I do not want to hurt you, dear one, for you are far too precious to me for that. This will cease any pain you might feel."

"And it won't interfere with the chances of conception?" I ask innocently.

"No."

I take the vial from him and drink it quickly, my body immediately feeling numb. "And I should feel no pain now, my Lord?"

"None." He motions to the bed as if commanding me to climb atop it again.

"How long will it last?"

"Long enough. You'll be back with Severus before feeling returns to you, and by then he should have provided you with another potion to lessen whatever lingering pain there might be." He takes a step closer to me and places his hand on my shoulder, directing me to the mattress. "But it will not last forever, Aurelia; therefore you must stop asking questions."

"My name is Charlotte."

His grip digs into my shoulder, his red eyes flaring with anger. "You—"

"Remember everything? Yes. I caught glimpses of my past and found someone who could help fix my memories. I mean, what'd you expect to do? Did you really plan to tell all of the Death Eaters who I am, or were you really going to keep me hidden from them forever? Or were you just trying to placate my mother for sending me to Azkaban?"

I hear a startling sound come from somewhere deep in his throat, yet I cannot bring myself to regret my words. At least, I don't regret it until I hear him say, "It seems Hogwarts was a dangerous place to put you—you've met far too many witches and wizards who are more than willing to ruin you." He grabs me by the neck. "All of them, each of those Mudbloods and blood traitors and half-bloods you care so deeply for at Hogwarts, will be placed in Azkaban the moment you turn attempt to rise against me."

"You don't even know who they are."

"Severus will, and he'll inform me when I ask."

"You think I let him see any of my personal life, knowing that he could use it against me? I'm not stupid."

He closes the gap between us, his face too close to mine, making me deeply uncomfortable. "When I send you back to Hogwarts, the Carrow twins will keep a close watch on you. Those friends of yours at Hogwarts—if I so much as suspect that you are plotting an escape or a fight, Charlotte Rodgers, your friends will spend the rest of their days in the very cell both you and your mother enjoyed."

That familiar feeling of the Imperius Curse consumes me and calms me and forces me to climb onto the bed and remove my clothes. But this won't hurt me this time, and though I'm fearful, I believe I can handle it. Besides, this is now the least of my worries. Everyone I love is now in danger.

I stumble as my mother pulls me through the corridors of the manor. "Slow down, Mum," I say. "I'm still numb, my legs don't want to move that fast."

Bellatrix listens and slows down drastically, almost to the point where we're hardly moving at all when we descend the steps into the basement.

"Why're you taking me down here?" I ask.

"The Dark Lord wanted you watched over, but you were fairly hysterical again and were begging to be removed from that room."

I don't remember any of that but don't tell her so. Instead I stay quiet as she leads me to her room and helps me crawl under the sheets on her bed. "How long will I be here? I want that potion from Snape before the pain returns."

"Go to sleep, Aurelia. We'll have you back to there before the pain comes."

I pull myself against her and close my eyes as her arms wrap around me.

Bellatrix shakes me awake some time later. "It's time you head back to Snape's." I rub my eyes, nodding, and let her help me to my feet. She Disapparates with me, and suddenly we're in Snape's sitting room.

The professor looks up from his sitting chair impatiently. "Bellatrix, what're you doing here?" he asks, his voice full of annoyance at simply seeing my mother.

She glances at me, then hands my wand over to Severus. I scowl at her. "When did you—"

"The Dark Lord did not trust you to come back, or to have your wand," she says to me. "Especially now that a certain Gryffindor has restored your memories."

"Ah, yes," Severus interjects nonchalantly, "I have not yet had the chance to warn the Dark Lord—I only just now came to. Minerva did quite the number on me." His eyes land on me. "I must go to him and pay the price for my failure."

I swallow down the guilt of his eventual punishment.

Severus—Snape—stands and steps toward us, his eyes on my mother. "Will that be all?" Bellatrix opens her mouth as if to speak but stops. "If you're here to return her, return her and leave."

My mother snarls at him, then Disapparates.

I look at him with watering eyes. "You have to teach me to resist the Imperius Curse."

"We'll work on that later. For now"—he hands me a vial—"you need to take this."

I obey him. "And McGonagall?"

"She's aware of the situation."

I thank him and make my way upstairs to lie down.