Homer the Great Annoyed his friends are in a secret club with privileges at work and he can't join Homer tries to find a way to join the secret society of the Stonecutters having been excluded from clubs in the past. Meanwhile the basement gets flooded and the repairman is taking the right mick.
PlotThe basement is flooded.
"Oh my goodness! God is mad!" Oscar yelled.
"No it's probably a leak Dad hasn't been bothered to fix." said Lisa.
"Mmmmmm! Leek..." said Oscar drooling.
Marge has called an engineer.
"What in the holiness of crap happened down here?!" Homer yelled seeing the basement completely flooded.
"We have a leak by the looks of things. We really need that fixed Homer. I can't live like this! And er Bart's scuba diving down there..." said Marge.
Bart as his alter ego Sharkboy was swimming about underwater with just his snorkel and shark fin sticking out of the water.
"Bart get out of there!" Homer yelled.
Eventually a repair man came over. His van and company were called Stern Lecturing Plumbing. A mascot on the side of the van said in a speech bubble: "I told you not to flush that!"
"But I like flushing things!" Oscar whined.
However the plumber or repair man was being very difficult and saying the parts needed hadn't arrived yet and would take a while.
"Hmmmm!" Marge was annoyed. "They better be here soon, I think the cat's down here!"
Snowball II meowed from somewhere.
"Well, in the meantime put this foil tin down here for your kitty." said the repairman. He put down a tin that floated about on the water flooding the basement.
"When can you get the tools?" Marge asked.
"Two to three weeks at the most. And that's if I book them today. Which I won't." said the repair man.
Marge was annoyed with him.
"Want me to do some persuading?" asked Oscar polishing his shotgun.
"No Oscar!" Bart told him off for contemplating violence.
...
One morning with the basement still flooded Homer was driving to work when he got stuck in a traffic jam. "D'oh!" Homer groaned. "The radio will get me through this."
Homer put on the radio. "This is the morning traffic news with Arnie Pie in the Sky!" said Arnie Pie. "Traffic in Springfield has stopped on the main road to Springfield industrial region because a helicopter has crashed into the road!"
The camera pans out to reveal it is Arnie's helicopter that has crashed. Angry drivers are honking their car horns and yelling.
Eventually Homer got to work. However the only parking space available was by a wired fence bordering on his back yard. Bart and Lisa were leaning against it watching him park.
"Hi Dad." said Bart.
"Hey kids." said Homer locking his car.
"Why does he drive to work when he lives across this wired fence...?" Oscar asked.
"Mr Burns topped the fence with barbed wire." said Homer. The fence was indeed topped with barbed wire. He caught up with Carl and Lenny. They had been able to park right outside the Power Plant.
"Hey, how did you guys get such great parking spaces?" Homer asked.
"It's a secret." said Lenny.
"Shuddup...!" said Carl annoyed at him for giving something away about something secret...
Homer went into his monitoring station and sat down but his stool collapsed under his weight. "Oof!"
Homer got up and looked at his mangled stool. It was labled on the bottom "Econo-save"
"Right that's it! Econo-save... you just made the list..." Homer growled writing Econo-Save on his list of enemies. Including Barney's cousin and er himself somehow.
Homer then went to ask Lenny and Carl for help fixing his stool.
"Guys can you spare a few min-" Homer stopped talking when he saw them sitting in comfy vibrating red chairs. "Hey how comes you both get such great chairs?" Homer asked.
"It's a secret." said Lenny.
"Shuddup..." said Carl.
...
It was tea break, everyone was in the cafeteria.
"So wanna come bowling tonight?" Homer asked.
"Sorry busy." said Lenny.
"With what?" Homer asked.
"It's a secret." said Lenny.
Carl was drinking coffee so he couldn't tell Lenny to shut up. He prompted Homer with a look.
"Shuddup...!" said Homer.
Apparently that's supposed to be funny...
Oscar followed Homer to work and was eating a donut. He grimaced as he saw the guy with one swollen eye having a break.
...
At dinner Homer was talking about Carl and Lenny's suspicious behaviour. "And get this. Apparently they're too busy Wednesday nights to go bowling!" said Homer. The family were bored with his nattering. "And whenever I ask where they get new chairs from they say it's a secret! I think I might stalk them!"
"Homer no!" Marge told him off. "I don't want you stalking people! Besides it's illegal!"
"Yeah, remember when you stalked Charles Kuralt because you thought he was digging up the front yard?" said Bart.
"Well someone did!" said Homer.
"Homer I don't want you stalking people! It's so unsavoury!" said Marge.
"Fine have it your way..." said Homer. "Now if you excuse me, I have to go outside for a walk... I'm going to stalk... Lenny and Carl..." Homer realised he gave the game away of what he was doing. "D'oh!"
The rest of the family were eating.
"I think there's a conspiracy involving Lenny and Carl." said Oscar.
"Like they're involved in the Kennedy assassination?" Bart asked.
"Yeah I guess..." Oscar replied.
"Lenny and Carl are not involved in the Kennedy assassination!" Marge told them off for suggesting something so far fetched.
...
That night Homer snuck over to Lenny's/Carl's and attached a leaking can of yellow paint to it.
He hid and watched Lenny and Carl drive off.
"Hehehehe! Now to follow the yellow drip road!" said Homer.
Oscar who tagged along was humming to follow the yellow brick road from the wizard of oz film. Homer sighed as they drove after the yellow drops of paint left by Lenny's car.
They eventually arrived at a building with a Masonic theme. (Mystic eye symbols etc) illuminati!
Oscar found this deeply concerning.
"We have arrived at our secret place." said Lenny.
"Yes. Let's go in." said Carl as they were suddenly wearing robes and went into the Masonic building. Homer then tried going in only to be stopped by a guard. He waltzed off casually while whistling.
Homer had then got on the roof and was watching everything from the sky light.
"Hehehehe! I can see everything!" said Homer.
However the sky light glass cracked under his weight. It shattered and he fell screaming into the chambers below. Luckily he was unharmed but surrounded by angry cultists. They were all people Homer was friends with such as Dr Hibbert etc.
"An intruder!" said Moe.
"Hi Moe!" said Homer. That explains why the tavern was closed tonight!
"He must pay the ultimate price!" Wiggum explained.
"Yes, the ultimate price." said Dr Hibbert.
Homer was merely thrown out.
"I had a hat!" said Homer.
A hat was tossed out.
"Hehehehe! Suckers!" Homer laughed as he got someone's hat.
...
At work the next day Homer interrogated Lenny and Carl about their secret club.
"I saw such weird things at that place last night! Evil, twisted, godless things! And I want in!" said Homer.
"Uh we have no idea what you're talking about Homer." said Carl
"And you can't join the Stonecutters! It's too exclusive!" Lenny explained.
"Tch! That was a great secret while it lasted Lenny..." Carl groaned.
"Stonecutters, eh? How do I join?" said Homer.
"There are only two ways to gain membership! Be the son of a Stonecutter..." said Lenny.
"Next..." Homer sighed figuring his dad wouldn't have done anything interesting like join an exclusive club...
"Or save the life of a Stonecutter," said Lenny.
Lenny was about to eat a fried egg sandwich for his lunch.
"Ha!" Homer took his sandwich and stomped on it. "I saved your life! That egg sandwich could have killed you through cholesterol!" said Homer.
"Forget it Homer, while eggs contain cholesterol it hasn't been scientifically proven they actually raise the levels of bad cholesterol in the bloodstream!" said Lenny. "And you just ruined my lunch!"
"Oh great those egg council creeps got to you too?!" said Homer.
"No it's not like that at all!" said Lenny.
Homer saw a big white egg with legs running away while making squeaky noises. "You better run egg!" He yelled.
"Awwwww! Eggy!" Oscar squealed.
...
Homer tried various things to save Lenny and Carl's lives but just annoyed them.
Carl was about to eat some broccoli for dinner.
"Yoink! Broccoli is poisonous! Dr Hibbert said so!" said Homer.
"Homer get out of my house!" said Carl.
Then he kissed Mayor Quimby because Fat Tony told him to.
"You moron! That's the kiss of death!" said Quimby angry.
"Oh no! Maybe I didn't do it right!" said Homer.
Oscar and Bart were walking home from the arcade when they saw a giant egg being chased by Homer who was very angry.
"Get back here you sonnuva!" Homer yelled.
Bart was embarrassed by his dad's antics.
"Eggy!" Oscar squealed. His Aspergers kicked in.
"Oz..." Bart sighed.
...
That night Homer couldn't sleep.
"Homer what's wrong?" said Marge.
"Marge, do people like me?" asked Homer.
"Of course! You're a wonderful person!" said Marge.
"Then why won't Lenny and Carl let me in their stupid club for jerks?" said Homer.
"Hmmmm! I'm sure this is not the first time you've been left out of a club..." said Marge.
"You're right Marge, it's happened throughout my childhood..." said Homer.
There was a flashback. A kid was letting kids into his treehouse.
"Come on Billy, Terrance, Johnny! There's lots of room!" said the kid.
Young Homer tried to climb the treehouse ladder.
"Not you Homer." The red haired kid wouldn't let him in.
"Why not?" Homer asked.
The kid pointed to a sign reading "No Homers."
"But you let Homer Glumplich in!" said Homer.
A crazy yokel boy stuck his head out of the treehouse window and laughed a goofy laugh.
"No Homers... We're allowed one." The kid made up a lame excuse.
The flashback ended.
"Kids can be so cruel..." Marge sighed.
Bart was at their bedroom door. "We can? Thanks Mom!" He ran off somewhere.
"Ow! Bart! Quit it!" Lisa yelled.
Bart laughed evilly.
Plot 2At dinner the following night they invited Grampa round.
"Hey Grampa." Lisa greeted him.
"Hey Gramps." said Bart.
Homer was still whining about the Stonecutters.
"I just want to be a member..." Homer groaned stirring his mashed potatoes about.
"I'm a member!" said Grampa.
"What do they do do Dad?" Bart asked Homer as everyone ignored Grampa.
"What don't they do?" Homer replied chuckling. "Oh they do so much..."
"I'm a Stonecutter..." Grampa sighed.
"Dad you don't know what they do. Do you?" Bart sighed.
"No..." Homer sighed.
"Why won't anyone listen to me..." Grampa whined.
"Hey Dad remember those self hypnosis lessons you took to ignore Grampa?" said Bart.
"Yeah five years ago and I still hear his voice." said Homer.
"And you ended up thinking you were a chicken." said Marge.
"Look Marge! I'm a chicken! Bwaaaaark!" said Homer squawking like a chicken.
Marge sighed with embarrassment.
Oscar laughed.
"Maybe we should listen to Grampa for once." said Lisa.
"I'm a member!" said Grampa.
"What?!" Homer gasped.
"What?!" Grampa replied confused.
"Grampa you're a Stonecutter?" Lisa asked.
"Sure! Here's my member card! And I'm also an Elk, a communist... a member of the lesbian gay alliance for some reason..."
"I'll take that!" Homer took Grampa's Stonecutter membership card. "And this communist one!"
Bart grimaced.
"You're an Elk?!" Oscar yelled.
"Oz those other two clubs he mentioned ie the lesbian one were pretty odd..." said Bart.
"Patience! I'm getting to them!" said Oscar. "You're an elk?!"
"Apparently." said Grampa.
"Where are your antlers?!" Oscar yelled.
...
Homer ran in the Stonecutter's lair while pushing Grampa about.
"Can't kick me out! My father's a member!" said Homer.
"Abe? I haven't seen you in years!" said a Stonecutter.
The door men glared at Homer.
"Can't kick me out Dave, my father's a member!" Homer yelled pushing Abe about as he greeted people he could no longer remember.
"Hi David! I'm Grampa!" said Abe. Yes he did that! And it will be a recurring joke!
Homer was still repeating "Can't kick me out my father's a member!"
"Okay okay! You can join! Just get that thing out of my face!" said Lenny to Homer.
"Awww... thanks Lenny..." said Homer hugging Lenny.
"Where am I? This isn't the circus!" said Abe.
...
Homer was getting to know all the other Stonecutters. He was surprised to see so many people familiar to him there.
"Wooooow! Everyone's here..." said Homer.
There were even celebrities like Mr T and even an alien!
"So when dies my inition happen? When do I become a member?" Homer asked. He wondered if they had initiation rituals here.
"We have to wait for number one to arrive." said Moe.
"Ha! What sought of stupid wiener name is that?! Hello! My name is Number one!" Homer said mockingly while laughing hysterically. "And so forth..."
"Hey!" Numbuh One/Nigel Uno yelled.
"We're all given numbers here Homer. Carl's number 14, and I'm number 12!" said Lenny. "Burnsie's number 29!"
"Wait! You outrank Mr Burns here?!" Homer asked astonished.
"Why sure! Watch!" said Lenny. "Hey number 29 get over here!"
Mr Burns arrived. "Ah hoy hoy number 12!"
Lenny grabbed his nose. "Honk! Honk!"
"Ah yes very funny Number 12. May I have another?" Mr Burns asked.
"Get outta here!" said Lenny kicking Mr Burns up the butt. He reluctantly left them.
"Patience Monty, climb the ladder..." said Mr Burns annoyed that his employees were still taking advantage of their higher ranks in the Stonecutters to humiliate him.
...
Eventually Number one arrived and everyone stood in an orderly fashion and stopped talking.
"Is he our leader?" Homer asked.
"Yes. Of this chapter. There are many chapters all over the world." said Moe. "They say someday the chosen one will-"
"Yeah yeah! I didn't ask for your life story..." said Homer getting bored.
"Let the initiation ceremony begin!" said Number one (Voiced by Patrick Stewart.)
Yes he is voiced by Captain Picard! Which I will make fun of!
However the initiation ceremony was just college frat boy style humiliation pranks.
"If you survive the five story leap of faith you are worthy." said Number one. Homer was blindfolded and standing on a low stage above the ground. It was hardly one story/floor below him! There were fans blowing about to trick him into thinking he was falling.
"Happy landings!" said Lenny pushing him.
Homer yelled and fell onto the floor. It suddenly collapsed under him and he screamed while falling five floors.
"How did you know that would happen Master?" A Stonecutter asked Number one.
"Oh it was obvious the floor couldn't support that fat buffoon's weight!" said Number one before they all started laughing.
"I think I have to do it again... my blindfold fell off..." Homer groaned from the deep hole he made.
...
Homer was blindfolded again. He was standing with some Stonecutters. They all had paddles.
"We call this ritual "The Crossing of the Desert." said Number one.
He lead Homer past the Stonecutters who spanked him with paddles. Homer yelped in pain.
"And this one we call "The Unblinking Eye..." said Number one.
That ritual was just them whacking Homer with paddles again...
"Did you think the Unblinking eye was a lot like the Crossing of the Desert and the Wrath of the Hesperides?" said Homer.
"And now for the final ritual. The paddling of the swollen ass! With paddles!" said Number one.
Homer got spanked with paddles again.
Finally he pledged an oath of secrecy.
"I swear that if I divulge anything about the Stonecutters may my stomach grow bloated and my head be plucked of all but three hairs..." said Homer.
"Uh... I think he should take another oath..." said Moe.
"We all take the same oath." said Number One. "Welcome to the Stonecutters Number 908! You have joined the secret society of the Stonecutters. An ancient order that seeks to split the rocks of ignorance that obscure the light of knowledge and truth!"
"Awww... I don't outrank Mr Burns." Homer groaned.
"Our numbers are when we became a member Homer." said Lenny. "Don't worry we won't let Mr Burns give you a hard time."
"Now let's all get drunk and play ping pong!" said Number one. Everyone cheered.
...
The next morning the annoying repairman or plumber came round.
"Well... the part I ordered hasn't arrived so it will take a another couple of weeks..." said the repairman as Homer stood with him in the flooded basement.
Homer grinned smugly. "Oh really..."
"Yes..." said the repairman.
"Really...?" Homer said smugly.
"Yes!" The repair man got annoyed.
"What if I were to shake your hand in this way. They performed a secret handshake. "Wa! Wa! Wa! Blblblblblbl!" Then they pulled up their shirts.
"Oh I didn't know you were a member!" The repairman was a Stonecutter. He fixed the leak and found Snowball II. She meowed and shook herself dry.
Then Homer was driving to work. He hit another traffic jam.
"Hehehehe suckers..." said Homer. He pressed a Stonecutters symbol button installed in his car and a boulder at a dead end split in half revealing a secret path. He drove through it. He was driving through a tunnel lined with torches in sconces while classical music played.
Homer arrived at work early for once and parked in his usual spot on the other side of the wired fence from his backyard.
"Same old spot Dad?" Bart asked.
"Yeah but they gave me these roller skates to make getting to my work station a breeze!" Homer unfortunately couldn't skate properly and stumbled about.
Homer then had a vibrating chair installed in his work station. It was identical to Lenny's and Carl's.
"Jealous...?" said Homer.
"No we have the same chairs..." said Lenny.
"You're just jealous..." said Homer.
Carl covertly gave him an envelope of stuff. "Your membership pack."
"What's this?" Homer asked.
"That stops you getting tickets." said Carl as Homer held a sticker for his front car window that had a Stonecutters symbol on it.
"And this stops paramedics stealing your wallet." said Lenny holding another Stonecutters emblem.
"And don't bother calling nine one one anymore. This is the real number." said Carl holding up a card that read "912."
...
At home Homer was trying to explain to the kids what really happened when the Declaration of Independence was signed.
"Dad... I don't think the founding fathers were Stonecutters..." said Lisa.
"That's because your dumb school doesn't tell you the truth. Here's what really happened at the signing of the Declaration of Independence...
In a day dream the founding fathers had just signed the Declaration of Independence.
"Now let's get drunk!" said Benjamin Franklin.
A man was downing a barrel of beer.
"Quaff! Quaff! Quaff! Quaff!" Everyone cheered.
Then all hell broke loose as a guy's hair was set alight and everyone started fighting.
"Sir please! You're destroying my establishment!" said the tavern owner.
"We just created the greatest democracy on earth you lowlife commoner!" said a founding father before punching him in the face.
The dream/imagination scene ended.
Lisa didn't believe a word of Homer's story.
"Do you want to hear what really happened when Davy Crockett died at the Alamo? You must be eighteen!" said Homer.
"What's R rated about him getting ran over by Doc Emmet Brown's Delorean and Verne stealing his raccoon skin cap?" Oscar asked.
"Oscar that's not how I got my cap..." said Verne from the Back to the Future cartoon.
"Yes it is." said Oscar.
"No it ain't!" said Verne.
"Yes it is!"
"No it ain't!"
"Boys stop arguing..." said Homer.
Plot 3Homer was in the lounge when Marge had a message for him.
"Homer, a man calling himself "You know who" just invited you to a "wink wink" at the "you know what."" said Marge. "You sure are popular now."
"Lord Voldemort?!" Oscar asked.
Bart rolled his eyes. "No Oz!"
"Oh yeah, I've been to beer halls, beer blasts, shin digs... I've finally found somewhere where I'm accepted amongst people who are my equals." said Homer.
...
Then that evening the Stonecutters were having dinner and singing.
The lyrics to the Stonecutter song.
"Who controls the British crown?
Who keeps the metric system down?
We Do! We Do!"
"Who keeps Alantis off of maps?
Who keeps the martians under wraps?
We Do! We Do!"
A Martian Stonecutter was drinking beer. XD!
"Who holds back the electric car?
Who makes Steve Gutenberg a star?
We Do! We Do!"
Then Homer sung a line.
"Who robs Cavefish of their sight?
Who rigs every Oscar night?
We Do! We doooooo!"
The song ended with them drinking and clanging their beer mugs.
However Oscar in a ninja outfit was spying from the sky light.
"This is just as disturbing as I thought. I've got to tell Lisa..." said Oscar.
...
The following morning Oscar and Lisa were on her laptop.
"Here. The Stonecutters! An ancient secret society on our doorstep! How did I not see this? I mean there was all those conspiracy theories about the masons ruling everything and illuminati rubbish... I didn't think it was true!" said Lisa reading her computer screen.
"Conspiracy theories eh?" said Bart holding his conspiracy theories library book. "You know where there's conspiracy theories there's the Mole people!" Bart put emphasis on Mole people.
Oscar and Lisa sighed.
"You're obsessed with Mole People..." Oscar said to Bart.
"It gets worse Lis! All those rumours about the Republican Party having secret clubs are right! They've got a secret lair in- ah computer virus!" Oscar explained but something had hijacked and shut down Lisa's laptop.
"Someone doesn't want us finding out!" said Lisa. "Nothing stops Lisa Simpson, eight year old computer genius!" Lisa got to hacking past whoever was protecting covert information on the Republican Party headquarters cult.
...
However one night Homer nearly got himself kicked out of the Stonecutters... They were having ribs that night and not wanting to get stains on his shirt he tried to find a napkin.
The members were horrified because he was wearing their sacred parchment as a napkin...
"Homer no!" said Lenny.
"What?" said Homer wiping his mouth with it, cleaning out his ears and blowing his nose with it.
"Oh Homer you stupid! You've really blown it!" yelled Moe.
Homer was kicked out of the Stonecutters.
"And the Stonecutters underwear..." said Number one. Homer's robes and underwear were burnt in the Ark of the Covenant. Then ghosts flew out! Coooool!
"Marion! Shut your eyes! Don't look at it!" said a live action Indiana Jones from actual footage from Raiders of the Lost Ark.
"Please! Give me another chance! I've learnt my lesson! I've learnt my lesson!" Homer started breaking the sacred parchment. This angered the Stonecutters.
"Get him outta here!"
"Homer because of your continuing and baffling defilement of our sacred parchment I have no choice but to assign you the most degrading and humiliating punishment! You are to walk home naked dragging the stone of shame!" said Number One.
A heavy stone boulder was attached to Homer and he groaned as he dragged it home with him.
However Number one gasped as he saw something. "Look! The sacred birthmark!"
There was a Stonecutter symbol on Homer's butt.
"Oh that. That's just a birthmark. And I'd rather you didn't stare!" said Homer.
"Homer you are the chosen one! For centuries we have waited!" said Number One. The Stonecutters all bowed down to him.
Homer liked the idea of them bowing down to him.
"So does that mean I call the shots eh?" Homer asked.
"Quickly! We must make haste to Mount Springfield for the coronation ceremony!" said Number One. "Remove the stone of shame!" The stone of shame was removed from Homer.
"Woohoo!" Homer cheered.
"Attach the stone of triumph!" said Number One.
"D'oh!" Homer groaned as an even larger rock was chained to him. Everyone cheered and ran off to Mount Springfield. Homer grunted as he dragged the stone of triumph with him.
...
At Mount Springfield Homer was coronated as the chosen one and given new fancy robes. He was giggling while running through the see through orange curtains. He soon found himself on stage where the Stonecutters immediately bowed before him. Homer went off stage and came back on to find they immediately bowed to him whenever he appeared
"Hehehehe! Wait, let's not get carried away Homer..." said Homer. However he kept running on and off stage to make the Stonecutters constantly bow.
"Peekaboo! Hehehehe!" Homer continued to be annoying.
...
At home Homer was sitting in his robes having a painting painted of him by some Stonecutters.
"At first I was just some guy with a wife and three kids. Now I'm a god..." said Homer.
"Homer You're not a god..." said Marge.
"Do not blaspheme the all powerful Homer!" Oscar yelled.
"Remember all glory is fleeting Dad..." said Lisa.
"So?" said Homer.
"Beware the Ides of March..." said Lisa.
Oscar was holding an Ides of March DVD. "I am George Clooney! You will obey me! I am George Clooney! You will obey me!"
"No." said Homer.
"Daaaaad! I know you're happy now but it won't last forever!" said Lisa.
"Everything lasts forever." said Homer.
"Getting what you want all the time will leave you unfulfilled and joyless!" said Lisa.
"Remove the girl!" said Homer getting bored with Lisa's lecture.
"Daaaaad! There's no Stonecutters around here to follow your orders and- Mmmmmm! Mmmmmmph!" said Lisa before Bart cupped his hand over her mouth and dragged her away while saluting Homer.
...
However Lisa was right as the Stonecutters were letting Homer win all the time. Wiggum shot a bowling pin so Homer got a strike, they put a book under a leg of the pool table so all the balls went down a hole and they let Homer win at cards.
"Oh I lost!" Homer whined.
"No Homer, you have the um, royal sampler!" said Moe.
"Guys I think you're letting me win..." said Homer.
Everyone mumbled and made excuses.
"Come on guys... I want you to be honest with me! I mean I'm not perfect right?" said Homer.
The Stonecutters mumbled.
"Um... Run!" said Moe and they all ran off.
At Miss Hoover's class. Skinner had a message for Lisa.
"The great exalted one wishes to speak with you Lisa. Class dismissed!" said Skinner.
All the kids cheered and ran off for early recess.
Homer came in and Skinner immediately bowed to him. (He's a Stonecutter...)
"Lisa you were right! I am feeling unfulfilled!" said Homer.
"What's happening is that you've ascended beyond your peers! You need to give something back to society! Help people out!" said Lisa.
"I know! I could dress up monkeys in uniforms and reenact the civil war!" said Homer being stupid again.
"Daaad! How does that help anyone?!" Lisa whined.
"Well it couldn't hurt. Unless the monkeys attack someone... Which they most certainly would..." said Homer.
Lisa sighed.
...
Homer went to the Stonecutters that Wednesday night and had a suggestion. An imaginary Lisa head was reminding him to use his powers as the chosen one to help people out. But he was also thinking of a monkey wearing Confederate uniform.
"Chosen one! What are your demands?" Number one asked.
Homer couldn't make up his mind. "Uh... Uh..."
"Come on Chosen one!" said Moe.
"My orders are... to reenact the Civil war with monkeys!" said Homer.
"D'oh!" said the imaginary Lisa head before it popped like a bubble.
"Um okay... that could be fun..." said Moe.
The Stonecutters ordered lots of monkeys and dressed them in Confederate and Unionist uniforms.
"Well that was tough. General Robert E Lee bit me!" said Lenny.
"Now let the Civil War reenactment begin! Unleash the monkeys!" said Homer.
The monkeys were too busy looking around confused, chattering or picking and eating lice off of each other.
"Was this what you envisioned Chosen one?" Moe asked.
"Um... no not really..." said Homer. "Come on! Kill each other! You stupid monkeys!"
...
Lisa was volunteering with Oscar to paint a building blue.
"I can't believe you went with Dad's silly suggestions! He's supposed to listen to me get kicked out of his creepy cult and everything goes back to normal!" said Lisa.
"Well I think that's very mean Lisa..." Oscar scolded her.
"You hate the Stonecutters! You think they're creepy too!" Lisa nagged.
"I hate that I've found out they're controlling the royal family in secret. I hate people doing that! But the harmless drunken lad's club thing I don't mind." said Oscar painting a building blue.
Suddenly a lady arrived.
"Oh thanks kids. Now that horrible graffiti is covered up in a lovely shade of sky blue..." said the young lady. The building they were painting was completely invisible now. A helicopter crashed into it.
"Aloha Snackbar!" Oscar yelled.
"Oscar don't!" Lisa told him off.
...
Because Homer didn't spoil the club following Lisa's advice they leaders of each movement of Stonecutters from across the world didn't debate killing him or kicking him out.
However they did debate killing Graggle/Gumbly.
"Kill him!" said Rupert Murdoch.
"Kill da foo!" said Mr T. I pity the foo!
"Can't we just mess with his voice box or something?" George Bush Snr asked.
Also Jack Nicholson was there at the cult leader meeting. Yes Jack Nicholson!
"Heeeeeeere's Johnnyyyyyy!" said Jack Nicholson.
And that popcorn guy with the glasses was there.
And that mean ginger haired kid who wouldn't let Homer join grew up to be... Carrot Top! Dun dun dun!
Plot 4At home. Lisa had a bee in her bonnet about the creepy Stonecutters. "Come on Oscar! This important! There's something eerie about this secret society who claim to hold a lot of powers like bringing down the metric system etc. I need your help!"
"Right after I finish this sandwich…" Oscar was eating a sandwich.
"Oz there's no time to- Is that portobello mushroom and hummus?!" Lisa asked.
"Yes but it's my portobello mushroom and hummus sandwich." said Oscar.
Lisa sighed.
"Okay but first I need to know what is nine inches in metric?" Oscar asked.
"22.86 centimetres. But why?" Lisa asked.
"I am gonna annoy the evil Stonecutters by turning imperial bands to metric!" said Oscar.