Ldub: Thanks for reviewing! I love that you check your emails so often for a new chapter, that makes me incredibly happy haha

Hawknest143: Thanks for reviewing! In the narration of this chapter she explains why she told the truth. She knows it was dangerous but made that decision anyway

Steffypottet: Thanks for reviewing! I'm happy you're reading and enjoying the story! It's always great to hear from readers. I like this version a lot better too

CHAPTER 16

Snape and I are leaving for Hogwarts today, which gives me a month away from Voldemort, away from the real world. I was told two days ago by a teary-eyed Narcissa that, until I conceive Voldemort's child, he will call upon me the last weekend of each month, and if it takes too long, he'll forgo the magic and resort to something that I refuse to dwell on right now.

Unfortunately this means I will have to leave Hogwarts every month. I dislike this thought. People will notice; rumors will spread; it won't be good for me.

I look up at Severus over our incredibly early breakfast. He disappeared for a while two days ago but said nothing when he returned about where he'd been. I worry that I know where he was: being tortured for his failure. But he isn't acting any differently, and I'm afraid to ask him what happened. As I watch him take a bite of bacon, I wonder briefly if I made the right decision in telling Voldemort that my memories have been returned. I had a choice to make—pretend to be Aurelia Lestrange and stay at the manor when Severus goes to Hogwarts, or reveal my true self and possibly go to Hogwarts with him—and I'm afraid that perhaps I made the wrong one. Yet as I sit across from him, I know that I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. I know this year won't be like last year. I know I won't have access to Snape as easily as I did before because he'll be locked away in the Headmaster's Tower, but I think it was worth the torture I'll face during my duty.

I want to be near him, and I don't want him to be alone at Hogwarts with the burden he bears. I want to help him, and that can only be done by going to Hogwarts with him. Letting Voldemort know that I'm Charlotte, not Aurelia, was the only way to go to Hogwarts to help Severus. So I don't regret it.

"Professor, can I go see Bellatrix before we leave? I just—um—I feel like I need to see her."

"Why?"

"She failed the spell—he probably hurt her. Because she wanted to help me. I know you don't like that I'm attached and you don't like that I'm—"

"Be back within the hour."

He's taking pity on me, but I don't care. I nod and Apparate to her room in Malfoy Manor. She lies in her bed, and I rush over to her. "Mum," I say, shaking her awake. "Mum!"

Her eyes fly open, her wand against my chest immediately. Then she realizes who her attacker is and removes the wand. "Aurelia, what are you doing here?"

"Move over," I say quietly. She does, making just enough room for me to slide under the sheets with her. She rolls onto her side to face me and I take her hand. "Did he hurt you terribly?"

She closes her eyes and swallows. "I'm fine."

"Mum—"

"It's over now, and I'm fine."

"Are you sure?"

She opens her eyes and offers me a weak smile. "Yes."

"I'm angry that you changed my memories in the first place, but thank you for making it possible to reverse," I whisper. Bellatrix touches my cheek gently. "I love you, Mum."

"I love you too."

I stay there with her for a short while before I kiss her cheek in goodbye and Apparate back to Spinner's End.

"Everything packed and ready?" Snape asks me when I arrive back in the living room.

"Of course."

Severus waves his wand and informs me that my belongings are at Hogwarts. Then he offers me his arm, and I accept it without a single complaint. I'm only slightly surprised that I find myself in the headmaster's office. It hadn't occurred to me that Severus—Snape; why do I keep doing that?—would be moving into Dumbledore's old office. The former headmaster—well, his portrait—smiles down at me. "Good day, Miss Rodgers."

"Professor." I look over at Snape. "My things are in the Slytherin Dungeon, yeah?"

He nods, but before I have a chance to reach the door, he calls out to me, "Charlotte," and I stop and look back at him.

Something then occurs to me. "What did you say to McGonagall when you warned her about the memory thing?"

"That's what I wanted to talk to you about. I did not see her. I left a note. She's aware of the situation—at least, she's aware of the bare minimum. She knows your memories were altered, that they were returned, and that you are fine. She knows nothing of Azkaban or Zoe Accrington's death."

"Thank you, Professor." I leave his office immediately.

The Carrows each nod to me as I pass them on my way down to the Slytherin Dungeon, and I offer them the same curt nod in response, hoping that maybe—just maybe—we can be on good terms for at least the beginning of this year. They make no effort to speak to me, and I continue you on my way in silence.

My heart comes to a near stop when I see McGonagall turn the corner at the end of the corridor. I can basically see her smiling at me from here, no doubt pleased to see that I survived this summer. For a moment I almost dart down another corridor to avoid her, but I realize that doing so will only delay my chance to get to the dungeons. When I get close enough, she says, "I got your note. Who truly restored your memories?"

I watch her for a moment, debating if I should answer or just run off, before answering, "I can't say. Too much is at stake. I'm sorry."

The look on her face seems understanding enough, and I count that as a win. But then something changes and becomes more...concerned. "Are you feeling all right?"

"Yes, of course. Why?"

Her eyes examine me for a moment before she says, "You look exhausted. Have they been starving you this summer?"

Right. Eating and sleeping have been a somewhat struggle for me since Azkaban…and Zoe. Why didn't I think about this? I could have changed myself with these Metamorphmagus skills. Dammit, I'm such an idiot. "It's been stressful, but my dear mum wouldn't let the Dark Lord starve me."

This does not seem like the type of answer she wants to hear. "Come by my office when you get a chance."

"I don't think that's the best idea, Professor." She doesn't have a chance to comment before I rush away, ignoring that she calls after me twice, and descend to the dungeons. The common room is cold and lonely, and I leave it behind for the dormitories within minutes. I lie down and make no plans of leaving until the other students arrive and the term officially begins.

Those plans are disrupted four days later when I receive a note from Severus beckoning me to his office. Full of apprehension, I make my way to the Headmaster's Tower, expecting some sort of bad news, but find the headmaster sitting at his desk with two bottles of butterbeer. "What's this?" I ask as I sit down across from him.

"The Carrows informed me that they have seen neither hide nor hair of you since the day we arrived."

I shrug.

"I'm worried for you, Charlotte, and—"

"Don't be, sir. I'm only hiding in the dungeon because I don't want to risk running into Professor McGonagall."

"And I'm not supposed to be worried by that?"

Tears fill my eyes. I take the bottle of butterbeer he hands me and sip it. "The Dark Lord has threatened to send to Azkaban anyone he believes might be corrupting me. Professor McGonagall will no doubt fall into that category, and I won't have her sent to Azkaban because I couldn't stop myself from talking to her."

"So you expect to keep away anyone not affiliated with the Dark Lord?"

"Yes." I take another swig of my drink, already hating myself, already feeling my chest tighten.

"And you expect to accomplish this even after the rest of the students arrive, those friends of yours included?"

"Yes."

He shakes his head. "I don't think it's a good idea, Charlotte."

"And you'd prefer for them to experience what I did? To experience the maddening effects of Azkaban? The draining of your spirit and body when the dementors come for you? The loneliness? The suicidal thoughts?"

"I quite frankly don't care what they experience so long as you are healthy and not driving yourself into complete isolation for some misplaced sense of selflessness."

"Selflessness?" I laugh. "I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I got them sent to Azkaban. This is just as much for me as it is for all of them."

"Charlotte—"

"I won't argue this with you, Professor, I'm sorry, but I will not lose someone else I care about to the Dark Lord. I can't." I set the butterbeer back down on his desk and wipe my eyes. "Thanks for the talk and the drink, but I'd appreciate it if you'd let me hide away in the Slytherin Dungeon until the other students arrive. I'd like to get used to my solitude slowly before throwing myself into it with full force." Part of me wants to stay in here with him. The other part wants to be completely alone. He doesn't need my help right now.

Snape does not try to stop me from leaving his office and going back to the dungeons. I do not run into McGonagall.

The rest of my time at Hogwarts for the following week is spent solely in the Slytherin Dungeon. The house-elves bring me food once a day, and I want for nothing. Only once did the Carrows drop by to check on me—probably really just to ensure that I had not killed myself under their watch—and after light conversation about nothing, during which I was able to convince them that yes, I am completely fine, they went on their way and have yet to disturb me again.

As many times as I told myself that I would join the other students in the Great Hall for the start of term feast, when the times comes for it, I cannot convince myself to crawl out of my warm bed. Though I can't sleep, being surrounded by the curtain, being wrapped in the sheets, is comforting to me. Instead of going to the Great Hall, I remain right where I am. I let myself mourn again for Zoe, because I have no doubt that someone—mainly Astoria or Ella or Daphne—will ask about her in the coming days. I don't believe anyone knows that she's been killed.

Why would they?

I sit up quickly. I never cleaned out her flat. I jump out of my bed, pull some clothes on, and throw my hair up, then dash from the dungeons, casting the Disillusionment Charm over myself as I do so. Students are slowly filing into the Great Hall, and I take a breath before dodging my way through them, letting them believe each random bump was from someone else. Once I get out of the entrance hall it is much easier to escape. I follow the path back down to the Hogwarts Express, and as soon as I have the chance, I Apparate.

Her flat is nothing like I remember it. Though the furniture all remains, there are no personal effects at all, and I drop to my knees, sobbing already, before I can stop myself. It's gone. Everything is gone. I should have come back here as soon as all of my memories were restored. I should have collected everything. Now all that's left is a shell of a home, with no trace of the beautiful, vibrant, wonderful girl who used to live here.

I pull myself up and brace myself on the back of the sofa before venturing into the bedroom area I spent so much time in this summer. Nothing personal remains. None of her photos, none of her drawings, none of her books. This home could have belonged to a ghost. I crawl into the bed, cover myself with the sheets, and close my eyes.

I should not have come here. I should not have left Hogwarts.

But I don't care. I should just disappear.

Severus couldn't be—Snape couldn't be blamed for my disappearance. That would fall solely on the Carrows now because Snape has far too much going on now that he is headmaster.

I could vanish completely and return only when the Dark Lord is dead.

No one will ever find me until I want to be found. I could hide in plain sight because of my Metamorphmagus abilities, and no one would be the wiser.

A smile comes to my lips. Yes, this is what I will do.

The next time I open my eyes the sun is rising, and my heart stops completely. I fell asleep. Merlin, I fell asleep. I Disapparate. I'm running through the Forbidden Forest when something tackles me from the side and pins me to the ground. A hand covers my mouth, and I open my eyes to see Snape looking down at me, horrified. "Charlotte," he whispers, "the Carrows are looking for you, have been looking for you since you skipped the feast last night. You cannot make a sound when I remove my hand."

I nod, and he lets go of me, then helps me to my feet.

"Where were you?"

"I went to clean out Zoe's flat but..." I shake my head. "I fell asleep. I didn't mean to!" I didn't have nightmares there. I actually slept peacefully for the first time in weeks.

Severus puts his hand on my back and leads me toward the castle. "Charlotte, whatever they ask you, you were roaming the grounds all night. You needed time to gather yourself, and you couldn't do that with the other seventh-year girls around. You needed to wander. You didn't hear them calling for you because you fell asleep in the forest. You didn't mean to alarm anyone."

"I'm so sorry."

He glances at me. "Don't apologize to me."

"I know you have a lot going on, and I—I shouldn't have—"

"Charlotte."

I silence after that, and I remain that way until we are back inside the castle walls. Snape leads me up to his office, where we sit quietly until the Carrow siblings arrive.

"WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU DOING?" Amycus shouts at me the moment the door closes behind him and his sister. He approaches me at an alarming speed until, mid-stride, he freezes.

I look up at Severus, whose wand is now pointed at the other man. "I understand your frustrations, Amycus. However, that does not give you the right to attack the girl who shall bear the Dark Lord a child. Which, despite being an honor insurmountable, must take a toll on her. I found her asleep in the Forbidden Forest this morning. As you can see, she's fine. You need to calm down and leave her alone now. I can take care of it. But I respected you enough to inform you that she had been found. Do not make me regret this action."

Amycus moves again and crosses his arms over his chest. "And we're just supposed to accept this like nothing happened?"

I glance at Severus—Snape—then say to the Carrows, "Or I can tell the Dark Lord that you've been harassing me and that you just tried to harm me. How well do you think he'll take the news that you're trying to hurt the mother of his future child?"

Amycus falters, and Alecto quickly closes the gap between herself and her brother. "Let it go," she says quietly. Then she looks at me. "Please forgive my brother. We're truly happy to see that you're alive and well. We'll leave you now." She pulls her twin from the headmaster's office.

"Thank you," I sigh when the door closes.

Severus—Snape—watches me for a moment. "You need to get to class." He hands me a schedule. "It looks like Muggle Studies will be your first class of the day."

I groan. "What? I didn't sign up for that."

"It's mandatory this year. But no matter, I dropped Arithmancy on your behalf." I smile at him. "Oh, you missed the announcement at the feast last night. Educational Decree Number Twenty-Four has been reinstated. Organizations, clubs, societies, teams, and the like are hereby disbanded."

"You don't want to deal with Dumbledore's Army, do you?"

"Not in the slightest, but I'm aware they'll do it anyway. Now head to class."

I nod and leave his office.

I manage to catch Neville on the way to Alecto's Muggle Studies class. "I didn't know you'd be here this year," he says casually. "Where were you last night?"

"I was away. I didn't make it back until this morning."

"I suppose that's why the Carrows and Snape failed to make an appearance at breakfast?"

"Yeah, I wasn't really given permission to be away, and so they were looking for me rather angrily. But they found me, and everything's good now."

"No punishment from the new Deputy Headmasters?"

"I'm a pureblooded Slytherin. They wouldn't punish me unless I pushed them too far. Disappearing for the Start of Term Feast doesn't really constitute 'pushing it too far.'"

"Ginny, Luna, and I are planning on starting up the D.A. again. We won't stand for Snape's regime. You were once a part of the D.A. Would you be willing to join again?"

I look straight ahead and debate my options. I can join the D.A. and be the awkward missing person every now and then or I can refuse to join and appear as if I have drifted away from all that is good in this world and have moved toward Voldemort. "I want to join," I say, "but there are some things going on in my life right now that will make it nearly impossible to be a full member again. I'll do what I can, but I'll have to be covert. No one else can know that I'm a part of it."

"Do you have a reason for this stipulation on joining?"

I don't answer him, but Neville nods as if this is completely normal, then moves onto Hannah Abbot, who was in the D.A. as well. They fall into a conversation quickly, but Hannah goes the other way when we reach Alecto's classroom. Even now Carrow looks just as cruel as she did in the meeting at Malfoy Manor, yet she tries to look at me kindly. I ignore her and take a seat in the back of the room.

The rest of the students file into the room in the same manner as I had: straight to the back of the classroom and as far away from Alecto as possible. She either does not notice or she does not care. Once everyone has taken their seats, leaving the first row completely empty, she smiles grossly. "Muggles," she begins, "what do you know about them?"

A few of the students slip their hands up nervously as if afraid to actually draw her attention. Alecto's eyes sweep over the room before she slams her hand on her desk and shrieks, "Nothing! For the past six years, you have been fed lies in the subject of Muggles!" Whispers fill the classroom, everyone looking between one another as if trying to decide whether or not this is actually happening. "I'm here to teach you the truth about Muggles. For too long have we magic folk been forced into hiding. Why is it that the Muggles live their lives in the best comfort they can, but we cannot? We have been oppressed for too long!"

I glance at Neville, who is trying hard not to seethe at her words.

Daphne meets my eye from her spot at the next table over. She furrows her brow at me.

"Muggles are worthless creatures that need to be put into their place in this world," Alecto continues. I look down at my hands and do my best to block her out.

But when I get back to the common room that night I realize that the Carrow siblings are the least of my problems and that I would very much be back in Alecto's "Muggle Studies" class rather than be forced to face the first-years—second-years—and Astoria, Daphne, and Malcolm. I had forgotten that Grant graduated. That lucky bastard.

Christopher smiles broadly when he sees me, those little dimples making him appear completely innocent and carefree and loving. "Charlotte!" He rushes toward me and throws his arms around me. "I thought you weren't coming here this year!" I do not embrace him. "Where were you last night?"

He releases me and takes a step back. "I was away," I say shortly.

"Charlotte," Jacob announces importantly, "we have bad news. Our tutoring sessions will probably not be allowed anymore. Is there anything you can do?"

Of course there's something I can do. The Carrows fear me because of my standing with the Dark Lord, and Severus would be willing to overlook those sessions if I asked him to. But I don't want to do that. These kids would all die terrible deaths in Azkaban, and I simply cannot have that on my conscience. "No, sorry."

They watch me oddly, and even Astoria and Daphne watch me with questioning eyes. "Is everything all right, Charlotte?" Daphne asks.

"Why wouldn't it be?" I answer flatly.

Ella's eyes well with tears, and I have a sudden urge to flee the common room. "Have you heard anything from Zoe? Did I upset her? Because she doesn't reply to my letters anymore."

My heart lurches, and I fight back the sorrow rising inside me. I will not cry I will not cry I will not cry.

"Don't ask her about Zoe right now," Julia hisses. "There's something wrong with Charlotte, can't you see that?"

Blood pounds in my ears, my heart beating wildly in my chest, my breathing becoming labored.

"Talk to us," Astoria says gently. "You can tell us if something's not right."

"No."

She looks taken aback. "What?"

"No. I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to talk about Zoe, or the way this year might turn out." I start walking toward the stairs, and a few of them take a few steps as if to follow me. "I don't want to talk about the tutoring sessions or the Carrows. I don't want to fix any of it because what's the point?"

"But, Charlotte—"

"I said no!" I snap, turning back to them. "Why can't you leave well enough alone? We can't stop what's happening this year, so why even try?" I start up the stairs, and I hear Daphne calmingly say that she'll talk to me and that they don't need to worry. Like hell she'll talk to me.

Where were they when I was in Azkaban? Not once did I receive any sort of letter from a single one of them this summer. And why is that? Because they don't truly care, a voice tells me. You know that.

I enter the seventh-year girls' dormitory and lie down on my bed. Is it bad that all I want to do is get out of Hogwarts and go see my mother?

The door opens, and I hear a soft, "Charlotte, what's happened to you?"

"Leave me alone," I mutter, looking straight up at the canopy above me, my ankles crossed. "I'm not in the mood to talk."

Daphne sits down on the edge of my bed, but I refuse to look at her. "Yeah, you made that perfectly clear downstairs."

"And yet you still saw fit to follow me up here and attempt to make me talk. Lovely."

"I'm only trying to tell you that you—"

"Well, don't. I have enough on my plate without trying to fix the world for the rest of you. And if that's all you want from me, you need to leave."

"Charlotte, that's not what any of us want."

"I want to be alone."

"Charlotte—"

"Get out."

Daphne leaves without another word, and I swallow back the lump in my throat. I cannot risk their lives, and if that means shutting them out, then so be it. No one else is going to die because of me.