Homer vs. Patty & Selma Homer is bankrupt from his pumpkin stock going mouldy and Bart takes up ballet and gets laughed at by Oscar.
PlotOscar's room.
Teddy was doing some spring cleaning. He sprayed air freshener to make the room smell nice.
"This place is gonna smell classy all week." said Teddy, Oscar's living teddy bear creature with the big wet shiny black nose.
Oscar ran in and let rip a loud, smelly fart. Rrrrrrrppppp!
"Oh that's real mature Oz!" Teddy yelled.
Oscar laughed.
Moe's.
Homer and his friends were smoking cigars because he made what he thought was a wise investment.
"This place is gonna smell classy all week." said Carl smoking a cigar.
"Wait I don't smoke! Kack! (Coughing) Ugh! That's terrible! Why do people smoke?!" Homer extinguished his cigar in the ash tray in disgust.
Patty and Selma's boss came in horrified the bar flies were smoking.
"YOU'RE ALL WORSE THAN HITLER!" She screamed and left.
Lenny winced.
Back to Oscar's room.
Teddy didn't let Oscar stinking out the newly fragranced air with his bowels stop him cleaning his room. The boy wouldn't clean anyway. He was lazy.
Oscar stepped around the pile of stuff in the middle of the room and looked at Teddy. Particularly he was transfixed by his big, round, rubbery, wet, shiny black nose. He was obsessed with his nose.
Teddy glanced back at him.
"Don't just stand there Oz, help!" Teddy sighed.
Oscar reluctantly helped put his own stuff away.
"Don't just help Oz, stand there!" Cheatsey Koopa yelled.
Oscar grimaced, squinting at the green haired Koopa kid confused.
"Cheatsey that didn't make a lick of sense..." said Teddy.
Moe's.
The barflies smoked cigars despite Patty and Selma's boss finding it worse than Hitler.
"To Homer, the Wall Street genius!" They cheered.
No that's Leonardo DiCaprio! And he hasn't even considered making that film yet!
"Hey, Homer, how come you got money to burn? Or singe, anyway." Carl asked Homer.
"Yeah, what's your secret investment?" said Lenny.
"Shaddup..." Carl said to him in cagey manner while suddenly in his Stonecutters robes. It had to be done!
"Take a guess." Homer smirked.
"Pumpkins?" Barney asked.
"Yeah, that's right, Barney. This year, I invested in pumpkins. They've been going up the whole month of October." said Homer.
His friends chatted and nodded positive about this sound investment.
"Just about the same time of the year my kids tell three ghoulish stories..." said Homer.
...
Bart's treehouse.
"And that was the tale of the Tell-Tale Heart!" said Lisa finishing a scary novel.
"That was just boring! Why do you keep choosing boring old books?! Horror films are a thing now!" Bart groaned.
"Bart you're not allowed to watch most horror movies! Particularly R rated ones! And if you've got such a scary story, entertain us with it!" Lisa retorted.
"Fine! Um..."
"Nightmare in Elm Street!" Oscar yelled.
"No we're already scheduled to do that one next season." said Bart.
"Interview with a vampire? It's got Judy Shepherd from Jumanji in it! And Zorro!" Oscar yelled.
Bart winced.
"No!" Bart was flustered.
"Leprechaun! With Warwick Davis!" Oscar demanded.
"Leprechaun!" Lisa said like GIR when the doorbell rings. She um does that in my fanon...
Bart face palmed.
Back at Moe's. Things take a surreal turn...
The barflies are still smoking and drinking.
"To Homer, the Wall Street genius!" The cheer for him.
"To Homer! And to Sergeant Pepper... who's growing out of the middle of your back!" said Barney. Um 😮
"Barn, you gotta unwrap the plastic before you smoke these." said Moe. Um he's high...
From Barney's hallucinations Homer did have the Beatles as Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club growing out of his back.
"We all live in a yellow submarine! A yellow submarine! A yellow submarine!" The Beatles sang.
"Why do we always sing about fruit?" John Lennon sighed.
And yes I used this joke already!
However disaster struck.
Homer's shady, creepy, Uncle Fester looks like financial planner guy told him his stocks in pumpkins were now worthless as the pumpkins had gone mouldy.
Homer screamed.
"Way to go. I told you a hundred times, you gotta sell your pumpkin futures before Halloween." said the creepy Uncle Fester guy in a darkened room. Why Homer trusts this guy I don't know!
Homer whimpered.
"Let's not panic. I'll make the money back by selling a liver." He paused. "I can get by with one."
Oscar looked at him freaked out. "You have more than one liver?!"
"Yes... Everyone has two! And they say you can give one up to save some poor soul's life." said Homer.
"Those are your kidneys! You have one liver and two kidneys!" Oscar yelled.
Homer groaned. He hated being corrected.
"Oh, how am I gonna tell Marge we're broke?" Homer groaned.
We imagine him at home telling her so.
"Marge babe, we're broke."
Marge screamed and wept. Then she got out a pump action shotgun, pulled back the pump to fill the chambers with fresh bullets, put the barrels in her mouth and pulled the trigger. Blam! She died.
The dream ended with Homer gulping. He didn't want to tell her.
"I need a miracle."
Oscar grinned. He decided to be stupid again...
"I need a miracle. I'm holding out for a miracle 'til the end of the night." He sang to Bonnie Tyler's I need a hero.
Homer growled and strangled him.
(Oscar wheezing and gasping)
...
Elsewhere.
"My house is on fire!" A guy at top floor window of a burning house screamed.
"Insurance to the rescue!" said some hackneyed cartoon insurance company mascot.
"No I need the fire brigade!" The guy yelled.
The Springfield DMV.
Patty and Selma came back from their lunch break and gasped in horror.
Their boss put up a no smoking sign!
"No smoking?!" Selma gasped.
"Smoking is worse than Hitler!" said their boss. "I hope I don't catch you two ladies smoking."
"Um... no... not us ma'am!" said Patty.
Also she promoted them for some reason as this was why they come round for dinner.
"Also I'm promoting you two girls." Said the boss.
"Um thanks boss." said Selma.
The boss left to her duties.
Patty seethed.
"That's it! Gail just pissed off the wrong chain smokers!" Patty snarled.
"Careful Patty! She's our boss!" said Selma.
"That's why we're making our protest within our rights as employees on what we can and can't do! Selma, we're going on strike!"
And so they went on strike. Which is pretty inconvenient for new drivers trying to get their licence...
Homer drove home worried.
"What will I do?! What will I do?!"
The Egg Council egg was walking about.
Homer growled and swerved the car to deliberately run the squeaky egg with legs over.
He ran the annoying mascot over.
He then got home to an unwelcome visitor or should I say, visitors?
Homer screamed when he opened the front door because Patty and Selma were there.
"Hello, Homer."
"Hello, Homer."
Well that's rather polite from them.
Homer seethed.
"Marge, we had a deal. Your sisters don't come here after 6, and I stop eating your lipstick." said Homer.
Oscar cracked up laughing with his eardrum bursting shrill laughter.
Marge gasped. "You're eating my lipstick?!"
Oscar chuckled.
Marge was concerned by Homer eating non edible things. It's a condition called Pica.
"This is a special occasion." said Marge. "Patty and Selma just got promoted at the DMV."
"Yeah, Homer. Let your wife have a glimpse of success for once." said Patty or Selma.
"All right, that's the last straw. Time to take out the trash!" Homer yelled trying to throw the twins out. Also best one liner ever!
"Homer no!" Marge yelled.
Homer seethed frustrated.
Patty and Selma tidied themselves up.
"So girls, time for a celebration?" Marge said to her older sisters.
"Well it's not all good news Marge." said Selma.
"Oh?"
"Gail banned smoking from the workplace so we're going on strike." said Patty.
Marge sighed. "Can't you smoke outside?"
"We can't smoke anywhere at work." said Selma. "She doesn't like it!"
Homer rolled his eyes.
"Let's sit down for dinner." said Marge.
"But first, I'm going to have to ask you to leave." Homer tried to throw the sisters in law out again.
"Homer!" Marge yelled.
"I'm sorry. Homer doesn't mean to be rude." Marge sighed. "He's just a very complicated man."
"Wrong!" said Patty.
"WROOOOOOONG!" Kevin Spacey Lex Luthor yelled. This was before he was found to be a pedo.
Oscar winced and sweat dropped.
"When are you going to wake up and smell your husband, Marge?" Selma asked.
"I've smelt him. Gah! You stink of booze and tobacco!" Oscar gagged.
Homer growled at Oscar.
"You got some kids out of him. But when the seeds have been planted, you throw away the envelope." said Selma.
"That's not how babies are created! It starts by when a man and a woman love each other very much..." said Oscar.
"Oscar!" Marge yelled.
"I wish you wouldn't put Homer down. He may not be a big success like you... but I can always count on him to provide for the family." said Marge to her sisters.
Homer gulped and whimpered.
Plot 2The Simpsons all sat down for dinner.
"Come kids, take a seat." said Marge.
But Bart and Lisa fault over a seat for some ridiculous reason.
"My seat!"
"No I called it first!"
"It's mine!"
"Mine!"
"Mine."
"Mine!"
"Mine!"
Marge sighed.
"Are you the king of applesauce?" Oscar asked, being ridiculous.
Marge sighed.
They sat down for a nice dinner because Marge invited her sisters round.
"Lis?" Oscar asked.
"Yeah?" Lisa asked.
"How many brothers and sisters do you have?" Oscar asked.
"One annoying brother and one sister."
Bart pulled a rude face.
"WROOOOOONG!" Kevin Spacey Lex Luthor yelled.
"You have two brothers, you forgot Hugo." said Oscar.
"Don't mention that name yet!" Homer yelled.
"Why?" Oscar asked.
"Because I said so!"
...
That night Homer was worried about being broke. But he couldn't bare to tell Marge.
"Sweet, trusting Marge, I can't let you down. I'll get some money somehow." said Homer.
He dreams he is at the casino.
"Hello, Vegas? Give me a hundred bucks on red." said Homer.
"The wheel lands on 13 black." said the roulette table banker.
"D'oh!" Homer groaned.
"All right. I'll send you a check." He wrote a check.
"If only I could think of an invention." Homer in the real world sighed.
He thought of a dead donkey lying under a tree.
Homer groaned.
Up in the attic.
Hugo had a bad dream. He had invented something amazing but no one would let him see his invention.
"This is wonderful invention Hugo! It will change millions of lives!" said a fat guy with a cigar and bushy eyebrows.
"Ugh! Let me see!" Hugo whined.
Hugo tossed and turned in bed.
Homer was also having a bad dream.
"Homer how could you?! Now we're all poor because you're broke!" Dream Marge yelled.
Homer tossed and turned.
"No! Must find help for money troubles!"
"Money troubles?! Homer! Homer wake up!" Marge woke him up.
"Oh! I had the most horrible nightmare!" said Homer.
"Homer, are we in financial trouble?" Marge asked.
"Oooooooh... Uh no my Queen." Homer imagined her as a Queen.
"My Princess Lisa..." Lisa was a princess.
"And who can forget ol' Ratboy..." said Homer. Bart was a mutant rat boy.
"Ratboy!? I resent that!" Bart yelled. He gnawed the drywall.
"Bart! Stop gnawing the drywall!" Marge told him off.
...
The next day Oscar kept trying to give Bart cheese. Because he's Ratboy.
"I don't like cheese..." Bart frowned.
Oscar chuckled. "Ratboy..."
Bart glared at him.
"Kids get going. You don't want to miss out on a fun extra curricular activity club this summer!" said Marge.
We begin Bart's side of the story.
He decides he'd rather skip school with Milhouse.
"What a day, eh, Milhouse? The sun is out, birds are singing... bees are trying to have sex with them, as I understand it." said Bart. Okay that's it!
Oscar snapped his fingers.
Milhouse heard frantic chirps and tweets, and a bee buzzing.
"By Waldos hat! My eyes! My eyes!" Milhouse screamed.
"Ay carumba!" Bart screamed when he saw bees raping birds, particularly jay birds.
Oscar smirked.
"It is a gorgeously fabulous day. Marvelous, even." said Oscar grinning. "Especially the romantic display between the birds and bees..."
(Bees having sex with the birds)
"Oz undo what ever the hell you just caused!" Bart yelled.
"So, what's your hurry to get to school?" Bart asked Milhouse as he hurried to school.
"Nothing." said Milhouse.
"What's your hurry?" Bart asked.
"That's enough, Bart. Fun is fun, but if we're late, we'll get in trouble." Milhouse frowned.
Bart reached his hand into Milhouse's chest and pulled out his imaginary friend, Walter.
"Walter!" Milhouse cried.
Bart snapped Walter's neck.
Milhouse cried.
"That was just cruel, Bart." Oscar glared at him.
"And...?" Bart rolled his eyes.
"You're not being very nice right now!" Oscar said sharply and conjuring up a ball of plasma.
"Shazbot!" Bart yelped fleeing to school.
...
School.
"Attention, students. It's time to choose a gym class for the coming term. So let's prove how adult we can be... by filing to the gym in a calm, orderly manner. Even though it's first come, first serve, and the popular sports fill up fast." said Skinner.
"Too many wee ones!" said Willie.
"This gets uglier every year. Any sign of Bart and Milhouse?" Mrs Krabappel sighed.
"No, and if they don't get here soon, it'll be T.S. For them." said Skinner.
"I don't feel right." Ralph was unwell.
Milhouse hurrying to school heard a bell.
"Do you hear that, Bart? That was the tardy bell! "Truant! Truant! Truant!" They'll all say!" Milhouse yelled.
He fled to school.
"Who needs him? I can have fun all by myself." said Bart.
"Yes. How about a game of catch? Jerk!" Oscar yelled hurling balls of plasma at him.
Bart yelped as he fled Oscar.
Moe's.
"It's all right? It's all right. It's all right? It's all right." Homer groaned.
"Sure, Homer, I can loan you the money you need." said Moe.
"However, since you have no collateral... I'm gonna have to break your legs in advance." said Moe holding a baseball bat.
Homer screamed and fled.
Moe sighed.
Homer whimpered thinking about his financial future.
Patty and Selma meanwhile we're on strike.
Gail the boss sighed.
"We're short two queues." said a co worker.
"Smoking is evil!" said Gail.
...
Eventually Bart went to school.
"Oh, no. It's P.E. Sign-up day." Oscar sighed.
"Gym class sign up..." said Bart.
"In Blighty we call it P.E!" Oscar yelled at him.
"How could you forget? They had signs posted all over the library." said Lisa.
"Better sign up for something fast, man. Baseball just filled up..." said Martin with a baseball.
"So did tae kwon do." Nelson was wearing martial arts robes. "Eeeeeyaaaaa!"
"There's only one class left... but it happens to be the lamest one of all..." said Jimbo.
Bart had to take ballet.
"Ballet? Dancing is for girls." Bart groaned.
Billy Elliot and Grim adventures Billy glared at him.
"Billy no! Boys can't wear a tutu! That's gay!" Oscar yelled.
"Oz stop calling things gay..." Lisa sighed.
Bart sighed.
"Well, you should've gotten here earlier." said Lisa.
Ballet class.
Bart was wearing a pink leotard and a pink tutu.
Oscar screamed with laughter.
Bart groaned.
"Get me a wet towel! Come here you sissy boy!" Oscar laughed smacking him with a wet towel.
"Ow!" Bart whined.
"Be a real man! You Nancy boy!" Oscar yelled laughing at him.
The teacher then arrived.
Ralph was there too because he is talented at dancing which I suppose makes up for him being a numbskull in class.
"I am not doing a pirouette or wearing this thing!" Bart yelled.
"Nancy boy!" Oscar heckled him.
...
At home.
While Marge was out the IRS had words with Homer.
"Mr Simpson if you don't come up with the collateral your house will be repossessed."
"Not if I turn off all the lights!" said Homer.
"Then we'll look for the house with no lights on."
"Then I'll remove the numbers on my house!" said Homer.
"Then We'll look for the house with no numbers on it."
"Then I'll remove all the numbers from all the houses!" said Homer.
"Then we'll-"
"Jerry he's got us!"
"Fine! You win this around Mr Simpson!" said the bailiffs leaving for now.
Homer grinned smugly.
Plot 3Flame Magmarashi was drinking hot sauce.
Inane Brian winced.
"I hope the hot sauce didn't spoil his blood." said Ace the vampire toon. He elongated his fangs ready to feed.
Brian looked worried about Ace in one of his bought of vampire hunger.
The Simpsons house.
"Homer." Marge asked.
"Yeah?" Homer asked.
"Are we okay, financially?"
Homer paused.
"Yep."
"Homer why did you pause..."
Homer paused.
"I don't know."
Later bailiffs came round again. "Mr Simpson open up! This is the bailiffs!"
Homer poured boiling hot fudge on them.
(Pained screams)
Marge was suspicious over him chasing off bailiffs with ridiculous stunts.
At gym classes everyone chose.
Ralph was taking part in tethered swimming. Ie a leash was tied to him holding him confined to one small area of the swimming pool.
Peter Shepherd was dealing with his swimming teacher's thick German accent.
"Schnell! Schnell!"
He sighed.
...
School.
"How comes we never have any lines?" Richard asked Lewis.
"I don't know!" said Lewis.
Ballet class.
Bart was lamenting his time in class meant strictly for girls as any boys that do ballet are gay...
"Baryshnikov did ballet." said the teacher.
"Baryshnikov was gay..." said Oscar.
Bart sighed. "Oz I hate this class but it's mandatory we do a physical activity class and I missed out on picking one. So I'm stuck here."
"I'm doing comedy club." said Oscar.
Bart sighed.
"I vant wodka!" said Boris Yeltsin.
Bart sighed. "Yeah I heard you Boris..."
"At least he's not naked..." Oscar winced.
Then there was a French monkey. You can tell because he is wearing a striped top and a beret. And he's smoking cigarettes.
"The monkey's French?!" Ballet Bart yelled.
"All monkeys are French! Don't you know that?!" Oscar yelled.
"Enough of this foolishness! Everyone dance!" said the teacher.
Bart groaned wearing a pink leotard and a tutu started doing pirouettes and spins etc.
"I'm only here to mock Bart for doing a girl's activity and to be the sad, opera singing clown." said Oscar.
"There's no opera singing clowns in the Nutcracker..." said the teacher.
Oscar sighed and went to comedy club.
Along the way he passed Wendell who was being sick in the hall.
"Eeeeeeew..."
...
Spinsters apartment.
Patty and Selma locked up.
"Nice of our baby sister to invite us over for dinner again." said Selma.
"Yeah but with Homer the whole evening will be full of FAT air! Gahahahaha!" said Patty.
Homer visiting Barney heard them and decided to laugh to.
"Gahahahaha!"
"Why are you laughing..." Patty sighed.
"Um I don't know..." said Homer.
Simpsons house, dining room. They were having steaks for dinner.
Oscar put a wooden stake and hammer on Ace's plate.
Ace, his blond vampire friend, hissed at him baring his fangs.
Bart winced.
"Mmmmmm! Marge this is a wonderful dinner! Nothing can ruin it..." said Homer.
Patty and Selma arrived.
Homer screamed. "What are you two bags doing here?!"
"Homer I invited them!" Marge seethed.
They had dinner.
Then a shark with a buisness attire was in the attic.
"I got to head to work lickity split!" He said as he swam away.
"He's a loan shark..." Hugo said to the fourth wall.
Then while the Simpsons ate dinner the door rang.
Marge got up and got it.
"Aaaagh! No wait Marge!" Homer was anxious to answer the door himself.
Some scary serious people in suits were at the door.
"Yes?"
"Mrs Simpson, we're bailiffs. The tax payer Homer Simpson is in a dire financial black hole.
Marge fainted.