And Maggie Makes Three It's Maggie's first birthday! During the party Abe and Jaqueline bond over the Bouvier's disapproval of Homer and Abe's disappointment in his son's stupidity. Later while reading the photo album, Marge explains to the kids how Maggie was born.
PlotIt's Maggie's first birthday. Marge gets her dressed in her finest and cutest dress. Then she goes to check on Homer and the cake he was supposed to be decorating.
"Homer, you didn't decorate this cake very well..." Marge explained.
"What? It's not Magaggie's birthday?" Homer has spelt Maggie's name wrong on the cake. He eats the letters.
"Homer! Stop that! I've made you a cake to ruin over there." There's a white cake with random candy letters on it on the kitchen side. Homer starts eating it in delight.
"Mmmm, Homer cake..." Homer eats the letters.
In the lounge Bart, Lisa and Oscar are watching cartoons.
Sideshow Mel is conducting a monkey orchestra.
"Coooool!" said Oscar.
"Please Krusty. This is so demeaning..." Mel groaned.
"Shut up and conduct!" Krusty was rude to him.
Mel conducted the orchestra to play Blue Danube.
The monkey played for barely a few notes before they hooted and screeched and attacked Mel.
"Help me!" Mel cried as the monkeys bit him.
Krusty chuckled.
"Maggie can you point to the monkeys?" Lisa asked Maggie.
Maggie pointed to the monkeys attacking Mel.
"Good!"
"Pffffft! Any baby can do that..." said Homer.
"Maggie can you point to the credenza?" Lisa asked.
Maggie pointed to the credenza.
"D'oh!" Homer groaned.
...
Patty and Selma arrive with their and Marge's mother, Jaqueline Bouvier.
"I can't talk much. I have laryngitis." Jaqueline explained.
Abe is next door bothering the Flanders.
"Well hi diddly ho Abe!" said Ned.
"Son, why have you grown a moustache..." Abe asks Ned Flanders.
Marge sighs with embarrassment.
"Hello, everyone, except Homer." said Selma.
Homer glared at Selma.
"Hey Aunt Patty, hey Aunt Selma." said Lisa.
"Hey." said Bart unenthusiastic.
"I have two party hats on my head! Don't I look silly? Hehehe!" said Oscar.
"Happy Birthday, Granddaughter." said Jaqueline.
"Marge, I think that's your father-in-law across the street." said Patty.
"Happy birthday!" Grampa said to a neighbour across the street.
Marge winced.
Eventually they get Abe inside.
Marge shows Maggie off in her cute little dress.
"Awwwwww!" says everyone.
"What an angel." Selma cooed.
"I want to put a hook on her and hang her from the Christmas tree..." said Patty cooing.
"Eeeew! Who smells?" Grampa Abe said rudely. Maggie blushed as she had wet her diaper.
"Uh oh..." said Marge.
...
Everyone puts Maggie's presents on a table in the lounge.
A mysterious figure leaves a gift then leaves without anyone seeing him.
It's then time to sing Maggie happy birthday and for her to blow out the candles.
However...
"Maggie! smile!" said Narge.
The Simpsons took photos with flash cameras.
However Maggie is scared of the flash photography and people carrying lit lighters and the dim lighting. In her paranoia they look like Cyclops monsters holding burning torches.
Greek hero Oscar winced at the sight of some cyclops just standing there.
Maggie is traumatised by something.
"Oh, she's scared of something. Maybe we're overwhelming her..." Marge explained as she turned on the lights again.
"Nah, it's probably a diaper rash..." Abe remarks.
"No it's definitely gas." Jacqueline suggested.
Grampa and Jacqueline muttering about old timey medical treatment and um Dum Dum fever...
"Ooh, put some Lister's Carbolic Unguent on a wad of cotton. Put the cotton in her ear. That'll stop them shakes." said Grampa.
"No wait! Put some David Lister's Carbolic Unguent on a wad of cotton..." Oscar suggested being silly.
Abe stares at him.
"You don't even know what Lister's Carbolic Unguent is. Do you?' said Abe.
"No. I assume it's old timey medicine." said Oscar.
"No, no. What she needs is a balsam specific." said Selma.
"Don't forget her Smeckler's powder." said Grandma Jacqueline.
Bart watched the grownups discuss old fashioned medicine with weird names.
Bart was mimicking his grandma with something she might say about her medicine or other old people comments. "Don't forget her Smeckler's powder!" He said in Grandma's voice.
"Don't make fun!" Abe and Jaqueline told him off.
...
Maggie opens her presents, but likes the boxes they came in more.
"Shouldn't we wait for the other babies?" Oscar asked.
"Maggie doesn't seem to get along with other babies." Lisa explained.
"Yeah especially that baby with the monobrow..." said Bart.
Maggie watched as outside Gerald the baby with a mono brow was in his pram being walked past the Simpsons house by his mother. Gerald glares at Maggie.
"Kallae kistnae... sabayoooooo Nyeh!" Oscar rasped in gibberish at Gerard as his mother pushed his pram past the Simpsons house.
Bart winced.
Everyone sits, talking around the dining room table.
"Oh, I remember Lisa's third birthday. She sang the cutest song..." Jaqueline explained.
"Oh! That was a hoot!" Grampa replied. "Hey why don't you kids sing it?"
Bart and Lisa are reluctant.
"Sing it now!" Grampa insisted.
Bart and Lisa groan.
"Go on, sing it!" Grampa says dramatically. They groan and get up.
"Hotdogs, armour hotdogs..." They sing unenthusiastically.
"Sing it like you mean it!" Grampa yells while holding a kazoo.
"All kids like armour hotdogs!" Bart and Lisa sing properly.
"Fat kids! Skinny kids! Kids with grazed shins!" Bart and Lisa interchangeably sing a line in a funny voice.
"Tough kids! Sissy kids! Kids with chicken pox!" They sing the next line in silly voices, especially Bart's high pitched voice and Milhouse joins in. Ironically suffering from chicken pox.
Homer is wearing a standing advertisement board that reads. "Buy my Armour brand hotdogs."
Everyone claps.
"Oh, that puts me in a better mood!" Jaqueline said. "Anyone have any more songs?"
"Nothing that's not from a commercial..." Lisa sighs. They then all start singing "Chicken tonight!" while dancing about like chickens.
...
Soon it's time for everyone to go home.
"Goodnight everyone." Marge waves them goodbye.
"It's been great spending time with my family again. I guess the next time I see you won't be until Thanksgiving. Or if not then, Christmas." said Grampa.
"I suppose I'll be getting home too." said Jaqueline.
"Oh! Matlock is about to start!" Grampa yells.
"Quickly girls! Get me home!" Jaqueline says urgently to Patty and Selma. They all quickly drive home.
The Simpsons winced as Abe and the Bouviers left in a hurry.
Then Ned came round for a spot of tea.
Homer groaned.
"I'll put on the tea. Hehehehe!" said Oscar taking a tea set out of his sweater. He laid the periwinkle tea set on the table.
The Simpsons winced.
Marge and Homer are in the kitchen eating the remaining party food.
"I think Abe has a soft spot for Jaqueline." Marge explained.
"Naaah, they just happen to hang out every time we visit Dad at the retirement home." Homer replied.
"Well, I think you should take them out on a day trip together. It would be cute!" Marge suggested.
"Euuugh!" Homer groaned in disgust.
"What do you mean eeeeugh?" Marge asked.
"Marge... if our parents got married we'd be brother and sister! And our kids would be pale skinned freaks from those bread commercials with five fingers and no overbites!" Homer explained.
Bart, Lisa and Maggie turn into real kids like those creepy kids from that bread brand you can get in cheap supermarkets.
Homer screams and runs out the kitchen with everyone exchanging awkward glances.
"Mmmm... mutant kids selling bread..." said Oscar drooling like Homer when he's thinking about food.
...
Some day or two later when they come to pick up Grampa.
"Say, Abe, why don't you bring my mother along." Marge says to Abe Simpson.
"I'll be back in a jiffy!" Abe goes back inside and returns with a happy looking old lady in a wheelchair.
"That's not my mother..." Marge explained.
"I'll be back in a jiffy!" Abe runs back inside.
The lady gives an "Oops!" Look at Abe as he goes back inside.
"Can I come too?" The old lady asks.
Marge does up the car window.
"Ooooohh..." The old lady sighs disappointed.
"That poor old lady..." Oscar sighed,
They take Grampa and Jaqueline to the park.
They just sit there feeding the ducks all day and engaging in small talk.
They then go to a restaurant.
Abe tries cheer Jaqueline up by stabbing two potatoes with forks and dancing with them as feet.
Blue haired lawyer tries to stop him.
"Sir, I represent the estate of Charles Chaplin. I have a court order demanding an immediate halt... to this unauthorised imitation." said Blue Haired Lawyer.
"And I'm um... seriously pissed off right now! Hiiiiiiiyaaaa!" Oscar beats the crap,out of the lawyer and his goons.
After he has pulverised them.
"Copyright, expired..." Oscar quipped dusting off his hands.
Soon it's time to go home.
"He's a sweet guy, but he's your husband's father. It would be really weird." Jaqueline explained. "And I still miss your father."
Marge understood but she really wanted to ship them...
"Goodbye! Goodbye goodbye! (Happy music plays) He's getting eaten by a shark!" said Oscar.
Marge winced.
Plot 2"We now return to. Knightboat: The Crime-Solving Boat." Coooool!
"Faster, Knightboat. Gotta catch those starfish poachers." said Knightrider but on a talking boat.
"You Don't have to yell, Michael. I'm all around you." said the boat.
"Oh, no. They're headed for land. We'll never catch them now." said Michael.
"Incorrect. Look, a canal." said Knight Boat.
"Go, Knightboat, go." Bart cheered.
"Every week, there's a canal. Or an inlet. Or a fjord." Lisa sighed.
"Quiet! I won't hear another word against the boat." said Homer.
"Okay, TV off. It's family time." Marge switched off the TV.
The kids groan.
"But, Marge... Knightboat: The Crime-Solving Boat." Homer groaned.
"Homer, you promised, one night of family time a week. Besides, that back-talking boat sets a bad example..." said Marge.
Toon Link winced.
The Simpsons are going through the photo albums. Conversation turns to how Maggie was born.
Homer livens up the story with this...
Young Homer is sleeping in his work station when over the speakers.
(Alan Rickman voice) "Attention American workers. Your power plant has been taken over by an all star team of Freelance terrorists. Cower in fear!"
"Not on my watch!" Homer screamed angrily and jumped up into the ventilation system.
In Burns's office Mr Burns, Carl and Smithers are being held hostage. Homer bursts into the office and single handedly subdues the terrorists and henchmen.
"Dad! Tell the story properly!" Lisa yelled in the present.
"I am telling it properly! Little miss story keeper!" Homer retorted rudely.
"Homer you most certainly did not single handily foil a terrorist cell holding the plant hostage.
"Marge, the man knows funny when he sees it..." Oscar said sharply.
...
"We had just financially got on top of you two and Homer was happy." Marge explained. "In fact he was so content he quit his job at the power plant."
We see Homer quit and be extremely rude to Mr Burns by riding him out the building in a buggy while playing his head like a bongo drum.
"So long Bongo head!" Homer runs off leaving a a humiliated Mr Burns in the parking lot.
"Cooool! He sure humiliated old Burnsie." said Lenny.
Mr Burns was paralysed with extreme fury.
"How did you get a new job?" Bart asked.
"I got a job working for Barney's Dad at the Bowlerama." Homer explained. His younger self asks Barney's Dad for a job.
"Sure." said Barney's Dad. "Barney, you're fired."
Barney groaned.
"Show up tomorrow. Bring three rags. Oh, and a change of pants." said Barney's dad or uncle.
"Why?" Homer asked.
"When it happens, you'll know." said Barney's dad.
"It was mostly little jobs, like cleaning and setting the pins, but it was better than working for Mr Burns. The people there were nice too." Homer explained.
"A pin monkey... you were a pin monkey..." Lisa sighed.
Oscar screeched like a monkey.
Bart winced.
He was shown getting on with his co workers, including a midget. Or Tiny Tim, I forget.
Tiny Tim or Joey was the shoe polisher. He coughed from some sort of sickness.
During one day he decides to polish his head in the ball shiner.
"Homer... Did you polish your head in the ball shiner?" Barney's Dad asked. He can see himself in Homer's very shiny head.
"Um, nope." Homer lied.
"Okay." Barney's Dad believes him. Homer wipes his head in relief.
...
"However, we had some unexpected news. I was pregnant." Marge explained.
"Oh boy... How did Dad react?" Bart asked.
"Oh, I didn't tell him, because I knew how he'd react." said Marge.
Ie screaming and ripping out his hair.
"However I told your aunts Patty and Selma, hoping they'd keep it to themselves." said Marge.
"If he found out now, it would probably destroy him, huh?" asked Patty.
"Oh, yes." said Marge.
"Oh we won't tell Homer..." Patty and Selma said smiling.
"No, I mean it! Don't tell Homer!" said Young Marge. "I know that look! Promise me you won't say anything!"
"Oh we won't..." Patty and Selma grinned.
Later in their apartment they rang up the two biggest gossips who would spread the news about town that Marge was pregnant, again.
Meanwhile Homer worked in the bowling alley.
"Mmmmmmm! Shoe fresh..." he smelt the clean bowling shoes... Ugh!
"Mmmmmmmm! Urinal fresh he moaned with joy after putting urinal soaps or urinal cakes in the urinals.
"Hey guys." Homer said hi to the customers.
"Hi Homer!" said the customers.
Elsewhere at the Simpsons.
"Bart was Lisa's age. Lisa you were um..." said Present Homer.
"Six Dad. I would have been six..." said Lisa.
"Ah." said Homer.
It was the same as the present except Bart wore a blue shirt and orange shorts. Also he'd regularly drive Grampa's car during visits to see him.
Also Professor Frink was Bart's tutor. In extra curricular reading. Bart couldn't read...
...
Homer comes home from work to all his friends giving him obvious hints that his wife is pregnant, however these hints go over his head.
"Hey, just heard the news over the squawk box. That's nice work, Homer." said Wiggum.
"Thank you. Thank you very much. It is nice work." said Homer.
"Oh, Mr. Simpson, I have just heard about the little bundle of joy. Congratulations, sir." said Apu.
"It's true, the bundle is little... but I'm not in it for the money." said Homer.
"Hey, Homer, way to get Marge pregnant." said Moe.
"This is getting very abstract, but thank you... I do enjoy working at the bowling alley." said Homer.
Oscar laughed at him missing the obvious hints.
Elsewhere Mr Burns was furious with being humiliated by Homer.
"Smithers. He played me like a set of bongo drums!" said Mr Burns.
"Yea I know sir. I saw the whole thing." said Smithers.
Marge arrives Home to a baby shower.
"Baby shower!" All her friends cheer.
"But, Homer doesn't know about this, does he?" Marge asks her friends as they all celebrate. "And he could be home any minute!"
"Oh, really?" asked Moe slyly.
"Ya, really..." said Marge.
"Oh, really?"
"Ya, really..." said Marge.
Suddenly Homer comes in.
"Phew! What a day, everyone was acting weird! Even Apu! And- What's all this?" Homer explains.
"Homer I-" Marge says.
"It's a party! With tiny clothes for us? Teeny tiny clothes..." Homer looks around.
"Hey, Homer, congratulations with the new job." Carl breaks the ice.
"New job? Marge is pregnant? Nooooooooo!" Homer runs off screaming upstairs and shuts himself in the master bedroom.
...
"That's Dad, alright..." Lisa sighed.
"Anyway I tried to explain to your father."
Younger Homer is sobbing. "We're doomed! Dooooomed! Aaaaaaaaaaaagh!" His head inflated and exploded.
Oscar laughed hysterically.
"Mom! Make Dad tell it properly!" Lisa yells at the absurdity of what happened.
"That's what happened sweetie." Marge explained. Despite the silliness of it.
"Coooool!" Bart cooed.
"Mom! Dad's head most certainly didn't explode!" Lisa whined.
"Oh clam it! If I say Homer's head exploded like a balloon it exploded!" said Oscar angrily.
Lisa rolled her eyes.
Meanwhile in the story headless Homer is still crying.
"We're doomed. Doomed, I tells you! Doooooooomed!" Headless Homer cried.
Narge sat up in bed rolled her eyes.
Well tough. I like deranged silliness. Like exploding heads...
Then there was a midget pie throwing clown!
A midget clown was in the room juggling.
"And laser eyed mutant alligator men!" said Bart.
"Okay that's enough!" said Marge.
Headless Homer in the story was still sobbing.
"Homer, you have a head..." Marge sighs. Homer's head pops back on. "And your butt is bigger than that..." Homer's butt inflates slightly.
Homer whined.
"Thanks a lot, spoilsport..." Oscar frowned.
"Oz the story does not need you jazzing it up with exploding heads!" said Marge.
"I want my exploding heads! Damnit!" Oscar yelled.
...
"Your Dad tried everything to make more money." Homer in the story is reading books to inspire himself at work to increase sales.
Eventually he had an idea...
At the bowling alley Homer is shooting a shotgun into the air and scaring people.
"Mom! Tell it properly!" Lisa yelled.
"That's what happened..." Marge explained.
Homer was then fired from the bowling alley. He then heads reluctantly back to the power plant and begs for his job back. Mr Burns agrees, but on a condition that he can never quit ever again. He will work for the plant forever.
"Remember, you're here forever!" Mr Burns puts up a plaque to remind him.
"Of course, soon Maggie was born and I jazzed up my office with all the photos of her." Homer explained.
"Oh, Homer! That's so sweet!" Marge kisses him as the story ends.
"Oh great... Exploding heads, Dad with a gun... Is there anything else we've missed? Like, I dunno, a midget clown?!" Lisa rants before stomping off to her room.
"Well actually there was." Homer explained. There's a flashback of Handsome Pete juggling on a unicycle in the Master bedroom on the night Homer explained to Marge that he had to return to the power plant after getting himself fired from Barney's bowlerama.
Meanwhile Hugo was outside in the Springfield forest that was strangely round the back of the Simpsons house in On A Clear Day I Can't See My Sister.
Oscar arrived carrying a bone and a brown paper bag. "Hey Hugo, can you help me bury this bone and this bag of evidence. I know what you're thinking but don't worry. They're unrelated."
Hugo sighed miserable over Homer's cruelty towards him. "What's the point..."
"The point is I thought we could do something fun together. Also I don't want the FBI to find this..." said Oscar.
Hugo grimaced exasperated. "Oz what did you do?!"
Plot 3Soon Homer puts Maggie to bed.
"Kid's in this family soon talk at your age. And then they cause all sorts of trouble. Don't ever talk my little angel." Homer kisses her goodnight.
Maggie takes out her pacifier.
"Daddy!" she says quietly.
The next day.
Homer picked up the morning newspaper. The headline read: "Radioactive Man Foils Alien Gorilla Hoax." He's sometimes real and sometimes isn't.
"Damn dirty space apes!" Oscar yelled.
Bart face palmed exasperated.
At breakfast Hugo was freaking everyone out when he was dissecting a frog.
"Let's commence the operation. This will only hurt for a minute... After I cut your heart out...YOU WON'T FEEL A THING!" said Hugo laughing maniacally.
Bart winced and was unnerved.
"Kali maaaaaa! Kali maaaaaa! Kali maaaaaa!" Oscar chanted being demented as usual.
Bart grimaced exasperated and frowned at him.
"Okay... what was that Oz..." Hugo asked exasperated as he dissected the live frog.
"Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom..." said Oscar.
Homer grimaced and turned his attention to the photo album they were looking at yesterday. "Oh look! Here's a picture of Bart standing near a mirror. It looks like we have two." said Homer. "Ugh! What a nightmare that would be!"
"YOU DO HAVE TWO! I'M BART'S SIAMESE TWIN! HUGO!" Hugo yelled.
"Okay can you wait until season 8?!" Homer ranted at Oscar.
"Nope..." said Oscar.
Homer groaned frustrated.
Bart was putting way too much sugar on his cereal again.
"Bart that's too much sugar!" said Marge.
...
After breakfast Marge is checking Oscar's diaper is dry. It's wet. Marge sighed. "Lay on the bed sweetie."
While being changed Oscar wants to construct a clam cannon. "Yes a clam cannon!"
"You're out of your cartoon mind!" Bart said exasperated.
Oscar pondered. "Well yes I do watch a lot of cartoons..."
Marge tapes up Oscar's diaper nice and snug.
"Wait hold up. I know, two words... Robot Richard Simmons..." said Oscar.
"Oz that's three words and no! You're no building a Richard Simmons Robot!
"Come on, get dressed dear..." said Marge.
"Can I just stay in my diaper all day? And then Teddy can sniff me..." Oscar asked.
"No not really bumpkin. My sisters are coming round." said Marge.
"Fine... Axe wielding cartoon koalas with big wet shiny noses away!" said Oscar standing on his bed wearing a diaper.
He was taken by cartoon koalas with big wet shiny noses equipped with axes.
Marge was baffled.
"Best just to ride with it Mom..." said Bart.
Downstairs.
"Anyhoo, I've booked us an outing today, anything to get way from that glass walled antechamber we strangely now have that Grampa is in." said Homer.
"Mrs Bouvier! Mrs Bouvier!" Grampa yelled muffled as he thumped on the glass wall.
Homer grimaced.
"Can I come too?" Hugo asked.
"No! You're not allowed!" Homer barked.
Hugo sulked.
"Now stay in the attic! And wait for season eight!" Homer yelled.
Hugo went upstairs.
...
At the plant Mr Burns was punishing another worker who returned after quitting.
"Smithers, give him the plague..." said Mr Burns sharply.
"Sir I'm sure you meant the plaque." said Smithers.
"No the plague..." said Mr Burns.
Oscar screamed in anguish.
"Oh get out of my Nuclear Power Plant, ridiculous screaming child!" said Mr Burns.
Then episode is supposed to be about Maggie.
Maggie sucks her pacifier. That's all she ever does! Now moving on!
In the attic Hugo was playing an accordion. He plays geeky instruments like sousaphones and tubas etc.
"Hugey can you not! That thing sounds like someone strangling a cat! Or the Family Ness theme. I will destroy that gaytarded cartoon!" Oscar groaned before ranting about a cartoon he hated for being lame.
"Oz what have I said about using the word gay in a negative manner..." Hugo sighed.