Chapter 7
Ezra mentally tallied how much longer he had in his current apartment before he moved. His new apartment would be three times the size of the one bedroom he had been in for the last two years. He debated using one of the bedrooms as a library. He had a few collector's editions of classic books. Not enough to necessitate a library, but the thought held some appeal.
He sidestepped around a distracted woman. He was going against the flow of people. The other residents of the small apartment building were heading home from work, ready to close off the outside world when they stepped foot in their homes and shut the doors. Ezra was on his way to his car, ready to begin the evening at his bar.
He glanced toward Ellie's door, a habit now after he had seen that surly man on her step several weeks ago. Ezra assured himself he only did it out of curiosity, not because he felt any sort of protective feelings for the young woman who lived alone and clearly had terrible taste in men.
Ellie was standing at her own door.
Ezra was about to call out a greeting, but slowed his steps. She wasn't moving.
She just stood at the door, key in hand, purse and shopping bag in the other, staring blankly at the door. Ezra watched, waiting for her to put the key in the lock or remember she had left something in her car and turn to go back to the parking lot. But she didn' t move.
"Good evening, Miss Ellie," Ezra said.
He hadn't wanted to startle her, but it didn't seem that was a possibility in any case. She blinked slightly and lifted her head slowly, looking to see where the sound had come from.
"Are you calling it a day?" Ezra asked, more to elicit a reaction—any reaction—and reassure himself she was ok, than because he wanted any details about her day.
"I'm…yeah," Ellie said. Ezra could almost see her giving herself a mental shake. "Calling it a day," she said. She looked down at the key in her hand and shook her head slightly. She put it in the lock, but didn't turn it, seeming to get lost in her thoughts again.
Ezra waited, but she was standing there again, a zombie.
"Can I give you any assistance?" he asked.
This time Ellie didn't respond.
"Ellie?" he asked, concern growing in spite of himself.
Ellie looked at him again. "Have a good night at your bar, Ezra," she said distractedly, turning the key and pushing her door open.
Ezra waited just long enough to make sure she got inside and closed her door firmly before continuing on his way. He forced himself not to look back at her closed apartment door, and turn his thoughts to his bar and the evening ahead. But he found his brow wrinkling as he thought about the uncharacteristic distraction and frown on his neighbor's face.
#
Ellie dropped her keys on the counter with her purse and the plastic shopping bag.
She stared at it.
It didn't move. It didn't disappear. This was all really happening.
Ellie pressed her lips together, but couldn't make herself open the bag and take the small box out of it.
Maybe this wasn't really happening. Maybe it was just a fluke.
Her eyes strayed to the calendar on the kitchen wall.
She hadn't realized the date until after lunch at work. Casey had asked her how she was doing now that Buck had been gone for a month.
It had been a month.
A month since she had been with Chris.
Her period was two weeks late.
Ellie bit her lips between her teeth and turned her attention back to the bag.
Two weeks late.
The words had been circling her head all afternoon, distracting her, keeping her from functioning.
She had been missing Buck, her heart ached with Chris gone. Maybe the emotional upheaval had thrown her cycle off.
She had skipped lunch at work a several times over the past weeks, trying to get caught up on patient paperwork. That could make her period late, couldn't it? A change in her eating habits, a difference in her routine?
She didn't want to do this alone. But there wasn't anyone to sit with her while she waited the three minutes to find out if her life was about to spiral out of control. Her entire family was Buck and Chris. Her friends were Buck's friends—his team. When they deployed, she was alone.
She thought of Casey. But she and Casey were only coworkers. They had gone out for drinks a couple times. Not enough of a friendship to ask the other woman to come hold her hand while she took a pregnancy test.
She was going to have to do this on her own.
And maybe the test would be negative. Ellie's thoughts returned full circle to where they had started. There were lots of reasons why she could be late.
Ellie took the box out of the bag and brought it into her bathroom.
She ignored the instructions, tossing them into the trash after the box. She would pee on the stick and wait to see if a second pink line appeared. It wasn't rocket science.
She unwrapped the stick from the foil wrapper and tried to avoid thinking. Avoid looking at the test.
She did what she had to and set the test on the counter, ready to go set the kitchen timer for three minutes. But the line was already developing. Turning pink in front of her eyes.
It was a sucker punch, knocking the wind from her lungs.
She wheezed out a breath and grabbed for the pregnancy test with shaking hands, knocking it from the counter. It landed in the trash and Ellie dropped to her knees to take the trash bin and turn it upside down. She shook the trash can, emptying it so the test landed on the linoleum floor.
She reached for it, her fingers clumsy and she knocked it across the floor, sending it sliding out of reach. She tried again and managed to get a grip on it, picked it up and struggled to turn it over, her fingers numb.
Two pink lines.
She was pregnant.
Everything in her ran cold. Her blood stopped flowing. Her breath caught painfully in her chest.
The trembling spread from her hands to her entire body. She dropped the test back on the floor.
A sob escaped, choked out of her against the tightness in her throat. Ellie squeezed her eyes shut, trying to slow down the changes that were hurtling her forward too quickly. Another sob, shaking her shoulders. She collapsed back against the wall, an anchor at her back as everything she understood collapsed around her.
#
Buck scooted his chair closer to the computer screen. The video call kept ringing. He frowned.
Vin was on his bunk, a pillow behind his head. "Somethin' wrong?" Vin asked.
Buck shook his head and ended the call. "Ellie ain't answering."
Vin sat up. "That ain't like her."
Chris didn't say anything from his seat next to Buck.
"I'll try again. Maybe she's running late." Buck hit the button to call her again. Ellie had never missed one of their calls. Through four deployments and months and months of weekly calls, she had never been late, never not answered. Concern started tightening his stomach.
The longer it rang, the more his gut clenched. Vin swung his legs over the side of his bed, watching the generic icon on the screen, waiting with them for Ellie to answer.
"She say she might be late?" Josiah asked, making his way across the small barracks. JD and Nathan followed after him.
Buck shook his head.
He was about to disconnect the call again, when the screen lit up.
Ellie's familiar face filled the screen.
"Hey Buck. Hey…everyone," she said, looking thrown by the group of men all gathered in front of the screen.
Even with the less than ideal satellite connection, Buck could hear the hoarseness in her voice. He looked more carefully at her and saw her red-rimmed eyes.
"What's goin' on?" he asked. He knew Chris had picked up on the subtle signs, too, he could feel the tension radiating off the man.
Ellie waved a hand in the air, brushing off the question, but he saw her blink rapidly. Alarm started to grow as he could see she was clearly trying not to cry.
"Ellie," he said. "Darlin', is somethin' going on?"
Her lips trembled and she blinked faster, shaking her head. But she didn't say anything.
"Did something happen?" Buck asked.
Ellie looked up at the ceiling and drew in a breath. When she looked back at the screen, she looked slightly more composed. "It's just been…today I…I'm…" She drew in a breath and then gave him a wobbly smile. "I miss you. All of you," she said.
The knot in Buck's midsection eased slightly. She was missing them. But they had been separated for deployments before and she hadn't looked so…shaken. He glanced at Chris, but Chris was only looking at Ellie.
"Work going ok?" Buck asked, looking for something to offer a hint of what was wrong.
"Yeah," she said. "Work is good. The same. Everything's the same. Fine."
Buck frowned.
"I can't talk long tonight. I should get going." She tried again for a smile and it wasn't convincing.
"You need anything?" Buck asked. Not for the first time he cursed the distance between them. What was he supposed to do from halfway around the world?
"I think I'm just going to call it a night," his sister said.
"Email me tomorrow," Buck said. "Let me know you're ok. We can talk again before next week."
Ellie nodded.
"I love you, Elle-belle," Buck said.
"I love you, too," Ellie whispered, tears clearly threatening again. Buck moved to end the call, but Ellie's voice stopped him.
"Chris," she said.
Buck paused.
Chris didn't answer, but was watching the screen.
Ellie opened her mouth. She moved her lips like she was trying to find words.
"I miss you," she finally said.
Buck saw the muscle jump in Chris' cheek at Ellie's quiet words. He gave a short nod.
"You should get some sleep," Chris finally said. "It's late in Denver."
Ellie opened her mouth again. She looked at Chris through the screen, lines of distress creasing her forehead. She closed her mouth and Buck could see the shaky breath she drew in. "Stay safe," she whispered through the connection. She brushed at her eyes quickly with unsteady fingers. She sniffed and cleared her throat. Her eyes moved, taking in all the faces on her screen. "All of you, stay safe, OK?"
His teammates all chorused their promises to remain safe."
"We'll talk later," Buck promised.
Ellie nodded. "Later," she said with a forced smile and then Buck saw her reach out to disconnect the call. This time she did end the connection.
The screen went back to black and Buck stared at it.
Chris shoved his chair back with a scrape. "Gonna get some air," he said without looking at Buck.
Buck felt his brow knit as he watched Chris go. But Chris' surliness wasn't anything new. Ellie's tears, her shakiness—that wasn't like her.
They had only been at their new post for a month, and it was already a month too long. Buck silently promised again that this would be the last time he left Ellie for a deployment.
#
Chris got out of the barracks. He couldn't sit in there anymore. Sitting in front of that computer, watching Ellie try to hold it together and try to convince them that nothing was wrong, had nearly killed him.
He got as far from the building as he could, the early morning sounds of the outpost waking around him.
He had never seen Ellie like she had been just now. But he had never before slept with her for a week and then left her to go to the other side of the world.
A curse escaped Chris and he slammed his hand into the wooden side of the storage building next to him. He struck the building again, and again.
Another curse and he fought for control.
"Oh! Chris! Sir. Sorry!" JD said, coming around the corner.
Chris grit his teeth and took a steadying breath. "You need something?"
"No, not really," JD said. He took a step back like he was going to leave, but then stopped. "I just…I was coming to check on you."
Chris stared at him.
"I—you—you looked…" JD trailed off. He swallowed hard. "I can tell you and Buck's sister are close. Just wanted to tell you I'm here. If you…if you need to talk…" his words faded away again as Chris silently stared.
"I'll get ready for today's training run," JD said.
Chris waited until the kid left him. His hands found the side of the building, the rough wood scratching at his palms. He dropped his head against the wood, breathing in. Breathing out. Trying not to think about what he had done to Ellie. What might happen to JD.
Breathing in, breathing out.
Holding it together.
#