Title: Her Evil Legs Struck Me Down

He knew it was a bad idea to begin with, but he couldn't say no to his sister and now he was paying the price. It was way too early in the morning and he found himself in the Kawasaki household and before his rotten dead fish eyes, walking around like it was nobody's business was a half naked woman with long blue hair and mile long legs. Or was it legs for miles. See, even his brain wasn't properly functioning.

"You had anything to eat?"

She said this while she made quick work of a banana, peeling off the skin, placing it in her mouth and biting the tip, slowly chewing, savoring the taste before swallowing with a sound which was definitely not meant for his ears to pick up. He tried his best not to look like a creep. There should be some rules and regulations in place which banned women from eating a banana before a guy like that. For god's sake, it was a banana, not a bloody dildo.

But if he played his cards right, he might be able to solve one problem, the problem of making this woman wear something to cover her damn legs. Her gorgeous - I mean, evil, pure evil legs. Seriously, those things were deadly for his heart.

"Not exactly."

He didn't care if he put her in a spot. It was perfectly in character for him to say 'yes' to the idea of free food. But at the moment, he couldn't give a damn about food. He just wanted her to wear an apron.

Wait – that came out wrong.

Now Hikigaya Hachiman wasn't being a pervert. He didn't want Kawasaki Saki to wear an apron because he was looking to fulfill some lewd fantasy like your average hormonal teenager. Of course not, his intentions were pure. His conscience was clear. He just wanted her to wear something, at this point, anything, which covered up her legs.

And he wasn't being picky. Even an apron would do. But knowing his luck it would end up being a really cute and feminine apron which would make her look even more beautiful. But he was willing to take a chance. Wait a minute. Now that he thought about it, the idea of her wearing nothing but an apron was even more sexy – Deadly! - He meant deadly, god dammit.

But luck wasn't on his side.

Or perhaps he was lucky.

"I have a box of cereal." She said as she got on her tiptoes and looked inside an overhead cabinet and damn, the shirt she was wearing, the shirt she probably slept in, rode up her waist and revealed a bit more of her sinfully white skin.

He tried to look away.

He really did.

He tried looking down, paying attention to her feet, her toes, but that wasn't good either. He had a thing for legs. And at the moment her toes looked downright scrumptious. He wanted to kiss each and every one of –

Not good.

Think of someone else.

Yuigahama.

Mama Yuigahama.

Mama Yuigahama in a bikini.

"Hey, you okay? You look a bit red in the face." Kawasaki Saki sounded a bit worried. While making sure he wasn't looking, she tried her best to make the old box look clean and healthy for human consumption and held it out to him without feeling even a little bit guilty. "Here's your box of cereal."

And without thinking, Hikigaya responded with. "You got any milf?"

Kawasaki Saki blinked.

Perhaps her ears deceived her. "What!?"

And she didn't mean her voice to come out so loud.

And Hikigaya went -

Crap!

Wrong mama.

Let's try again.

Yukinoshita.

Yukinoshita Haruno.

Mama Yukinoshita.

There.

Back to normal.

Hikigaya tried again. "You have any milk?"

"Nope." Kawasaki Saki answered without checking the fridge.

For some reason her mood had soured considerably.

Like the leftover milk in the fridge.

Hikigaya took the box of cereal and checked the packaging date.

"It's expired." He noted casually.

Kawasaki Saki huffed in annoyance. "Boy, aren't you high maintenance. No wonder you aren't together with one of those girls from your club. You are probably aiming for someone way out of your league. Like their moms." She scrunched up her face. "Gross!"

Oh well.

There goes the whole idea about being a gentleman.

"What about you?" Hikigaya countered. "I show up to your place, because your brother had the moronic idea for all of us to meet up early and go to school together and you greet me at the door without wearing any pants. How is that not gross too?"

She gave her a look.

It was an unspoken challenge.

"You think my legs are gross?"

And he opened his mouth to say 'yes', but the only problem was that his mouth refused to comply with his wishes. What the hell! Just lie. Tell the biggest lie you have ever told and say that you find her sexy, drop dead, gorgeous legs, ugly and gross.

Tell her Hachiman.

Tell her.

Oh, who is he kidding.

Of course, that didn't mean he didn't have a counter argument.

"…So you are aware that you are not wearing anything underneath?"

"You wish." Kawasaki Saki let out a dry chuckle and crossed her arms over her breasts. "I am wearing shorts." And because she was feeling rather daring, she added. "If you don't believe me, take a look."

Now normally he would have balked at the mere suggestion, because what she was proposing was completely outrageous. He didn't need to check her clothes to see whether or not she was decent or not. If the woman didn't care about her own modesty, why should he? Besides, in the back of his mind, he probably knew she had to be wearing shorts, because what woman in her right mind would walk around half naked in front of him in the kitchen.

She was probably getting back at him for that time, when he 'accidentally' caught a glimpse of her lacy black panties in school.

But no matter.

He will teach her a lesson.

"Fine! I will take a look." Hikigaya mustered up his courage and got down on both his knees before her standing form and perhaps she was taken aback, surprised by his actions, but she took a step back, her hands bracing themselves against the counter top in the back and for some reason unknown to both of them, she thrust her pelvis forward. For a while, it almost looked like she will knock his teeth in, because she came this close to shoving her crotch in his face. But he was saved. Or rather both of them were saved.

But not for long.

Because in one swift move, quicker than was normal for a guy like him, when it came to women or dealing with women's clothing in particular, Hikigaya lifted up her night shirt and shoved his head under it.

Instantly his eyes widened.

Blue and white stripped.

And cotton.

Kawasaki moaned.

Hard.

"Onee-san! I heard your voice." Kawasaki Taishi appeared in a flash, running down the stairs two at a time. And the sight which greeted him made his eyes grow wide as well.

"What the hell happened here? Why is Hikigaya-nii-san lying on the floor?"

Kawasaki Saki tried not to blush.

Her sweet, innocent little brother should never find out what happened here. So she went with the first lie she could think of, "He just ate some expired cereal." Saki said, before adding swiftly. "I told him not to."

A/N: I had posted this one-shot in my other account, but I don't know why I deleted it. Actually, I know why. Whenever I post stuff on my other account, for some reason, it feels like it's not mine. It's strange right? Maybe someday I will post something on that other account and keep it posted. But for the time being, I hope you enjoy this in my original account. In my opinion, this one-shot was too good to just remain in some folder on my laptop. I just had to re-upload it. Hope you like it.

Take care.