Chapter 10
Ellie managed to lift her head off her pillow. She squinted at the clock on her second hand nightstand. With a groan, she dropped her face back into her pillow.
Four weeks of constant sickness. Dizziness, throwing up, and exhaustion.
"Pregnancy is for the birds," she mumbled into her pillow.
Not that anyone was there to hear her. She had been dragging herself out of bed every morning. Spending the next half hour on the floor of the bathroom while her stomach protested any movement and she tried to will herself to make it to work. And she had managed to, most days. But she had called in sick at least once a week when she couldn't stop vomiting, could barely keep down sips of water some mornings.
And she was out of sick leave.
With another groan, Ellie half rolled, half fell out of bed and made the journey to her bathroom.
She made it in time to lose whatever was left in her stomach from the evening before.
She held her head over the toilet, making sure she was finished, then slid back onto the dated linoleum floor.
Ellie stared up at the ceiling. She wasn't going to think about Chris. She told herself that for what she knew would be only the first time of many for the day. She was pregnant with a baby—his baby—and he had no idea. She should tell him.
But she couldn't. She hadn't heard from him in three weeks. And as much as the silence when they were deployed weighed on her, it was also a relief this time. Because the decision was out of her hands for now. She couldn't tell Chris she was pregnant. Not when he was out of range for contact.
Ellie closed her eyes and drew in some steadying breaths through her nose.
She waited until her stomach was only rolling slightly and dragged herself to standing. She managed to wash her face, brush her teeth and pull a brush through her hair.
A t-shirt, blazer and jeans that looked close enough to matching, her new daily ritual of warm ginger tea in an insulated tumbler, slipping on some shoes and she was out the door. Only one more day until the weekend and she could take two days off from fighting through the nausea. She could take a warm bath, throw up without having to run to the break room and make sure no one saw her, and sleep.
Ellie was exhausted before she even made it to the dental clinic. She flipped down her visor in the clinic parking lot and looked in the small mirror. She grimaced at the sight she saw. Rummaging in her purse, she made a halfhearted attempt to improve things with some under eye concealer and mascara, but it was a lost cause.
A small red car pulled up beside her as she was getting out and Casey came to her side with a sympathetic smile.
"You made it here at least," Casey said.
"I did," Ellie agreed, not sure when simply hauling herself out of her apartment had become a nearly insurmountable challenge. Casey was the one and only person who knew she was pregnant. Not having to hide it from her was a relief and Casey had taken it upon herself to help Ellie cover any sign of symptoms from their coworkers or employer. It wasn't that Ellie didn't want her coworkers to know. It just seemed wrong to tell anyone when she couldn't even let Chris know.
They went in through the back door of the clinic. The treatment area was quiet.
Casey exchanged a confused look with Ellie.
They went out front where Ellie's reception desk was and found the two other dental assistants sitting there. Dr. Banks nodded at them when they came in.
"Morning," Ellie said uncertainly. She took her chair at her desk. Casey perched on the edge of the desk, her usual seat.
"You all have been invaluable to this clinic, to me," Dr. Banks started. His kind eyes watered slightly and he took a moment to clear his throat.
Ellie's confusion turned to alarm. Was something wrong with the elderly man?
"This isn't easy to say. You know my wife's health has been failing," he said, his voice shaking slightly.
Oh no. Ellie's hand went to her chest, her heart skipping a beat. She had just sent a card to the sweet woman last month with a scarf she had seen that had reminded her of the woman's bright blue eyes and received a thank you note back in frail handwriting. But she hadn't known the woman was getting weaker.
"I need to sell the clinic," Dr. Banks said. "Abigail needs more care and I need to be home with her."
"Of course you do," Ellie said, even as she heard the dental assistants sputter in disbelief. She rested a hand on Dr. Banks' arm. "Does Mrs. Banks need anything else? Anything we can do?"
The dentist patted Ellie's hand. "We're going to be moving to Washington to be closer to the kids and grandkids. We'll be fine."
"What about us?" Terese blurted out. She was the oldest of his employees and had been with the clinic the longest.
Her words sunk in with Ellie. Oh. The clinic was being sold. Their jobs…
"Your jobs are secure. Tim O'Brian is a newer dentist and he's planning to keep everyone on. He's quite happy to not have to hire and train hygienists. And you all know the patients, which will be a huge help to him as he's getting his feet under him."
Ellie let out a breath, nearly wilting with relief. She had no idea how she would find a job at three months pregnant when she was so sick she could barely make it to the job she did have.
"Ellie?" Dr. Banks asked.
Ellie reeled her thoughts in and brought her attention back to him.
"Can I speak to you in the break room?"
"Sure." Ellie's relief fled. Was he going to talk to her about how many days of work she had missed recently? Of course a new employer who didn't know she was normally reliable wouldn't tolerate her frequent absences.
She followed him into the small but cheery break room. "I'm really sorry I've missed so many days recently," she started. "I'll make sure that—"
The older man held up a hand to stop her apology. "It's not that, Ellie." The lines in his face deepened.
Ellie's stomach knotted, making her nausea worse. She fought down the bile that threatened. "What's wrong?" she whispered.
"Dr. O'Brian has a wife," he started. "She has experience working as a receptionist and she'll be taking your position."
"My job?" Ellie said dumbly.
"I'm very sorry," Dr. Banks said sincerely. "I told him you were exceptional at your job, a big help around here, but she's his wife…" His voice trailed off.
Her job. She was losing her job.
"You've been a model employee. And a good friend, to both me and Abigail," Dr. Banks said. He looked like tears were threatening. Ellie felt the hot sting at the back of her own eyes. "If there was anything I could do, I would. But I'll give you a reference, anything to help you."
Ellie blinked furiously and nodded.
"I have a severance package for you," he said. "Two months pay. I know that's not nearly what you deserve. I'm very sorry, Ellie."
Ellie nodded again. The knot in her throat pressed, her stomach tightened, the bile churned and she lunged for the trash can, losing the bit of ginger tea she had sipped on earlier.
Dr. Banks held out a paper cup of water when she lifted her head.
"Is the father involved?" he asked sympathetically.
Ellie looked at him in surprise.
He handed her the cup. "Abigail was quite sick when she was expecting our oldest."
Ellie took an experimental sip of the water. Her stomach didn't protest.
"Is the father helping?" he asked.
The thought of Chris made her eyes burn again. She knew Chris was more loyal to the people he counted as family than anyone else she knew. But she also knew something had happened on his last deployment. When that SEAL from the other team had died, it had done something to Chris. She didn't know if he was capable of helping her. What the news of a pregnancy would do to him.
"It's complicated," she answered.
Dr. Banks nodded, but didn't push. He reached in the pocket of his scrubs and pulled out a pen and pad of paper. He scribbled on a sheet, ripping it out and handing it to Ellie.
"This is our address in Washington. Abigail will have my head if I don't tell you to send pictures of your little one."
Ellie held onto the paper in a tight grip. "I will," she promised.
His eyes softened and his face fell. "I wish I could do more than two months pay," he said. "I'm sorry about this."
Ellie shook her head. "It's not your fault. Mrs. Banks needs you." For a second she wondered what it would be like to have someone at her side right now, when she needed a partner more than ever. She pressed trembling lips together and gave the man who had been equal parts friend and employer for the past two years a tight hug.
"Take your time," Dr. Banks said, letting her go. "Casey can cover the front for a bit."
Ellie nodded. When the breakroom door closed behind him, she sank down into one of the two molded plastic chairs. She lifted shaking hands to her face and choked back the tears that threatened.
She was alone. She was pregnant. And now she was unemployed.
In that moment, she wanted Chris there more than anything else.
#
Chris scanned the building. He motioned silently for Buck to move forward.
Their boots landed softly but surely as they breached the doorway. The quiet rattle of their rifles, held in position and ready for anything that may threaten, was the only other sound. Chris kept his rifle ready as he moved through the three rooms that made up the first floor.
"Bravo 2," Chris spoke quietly through his comms piece. "What are you seeing?"
"All clear on this level," Buck answered in hushed tones. "You ready to clear the upstairs?"
"Move," Chris confirmed.
Buck took the lead and Chris brought up the rear, keeping an eye for anyone that may try to pin them on the narrow staircase. JD and Vin moved quickly behind Buck. Nathan held his post at the door, keeping an eye on anyone that may try to approach.
Outside, in the street, a woman's voice called to someone. It sounded like Ellie.
Chris' step faltered.
"You ok, boss?" JD asked.
He had to keep his head in the game. Ellie was nowhere near this war zone. It wasn't her he heard.
"Follow Buck," Chris ordered him. He steadied his own rifle and tried to get his focus back.
They made it to the top floor.
No one was there.
Chris fought the urge to hit something. He read the same thought in Buck's face.
He radioed into command. "The house is clear. The target's not here."
He heaved a long sigh and motioned for the team to search the house for anything that may give them a hint as to wear the insurgents may have moved to. All this meant for his team was that they would be stationed at the more isolated outpost even longer. It would be that much longer Buck was out of contact with Ellie. Chris wouldn't be able to sit next to Buck and listen to Ellie's chatter, the way she managed to draw him into conversation without him realizing what she was doing. Her expression softening when she looked at him.
Chris gave his head a hard shake, anything to dislodge thoughts of her. "You good here?" he asked Buck.
Buck gave him a nod, continuing to search a dresser for a hint of the occupants' whereabouts.
Chris went downstairs to check in with Nathan.
"Anything?" he asked the man.
Nathan gave him a shake of his head, dark eyes scanning the street in front of the house.
A slim figure with familiar movements got out of a dated van down the street and Chris' stomach lurched.
Ellie.
The woman turned and Chris saw an unfamiliar face, hair that showed from beneath her scarf a much darker shade than Ellie's sunshine hair.
"You ok, Chris?" Nathan asked.
Chris tore his eyes away from the woman. "Yeah," he grunted.
He needed to pull it together.
Nathan looked doubtful, but Chris moved away before he could question him.
"I'm going to take a look around the exterior again," Chris told Buck. Buck's agreement came back through his headset.
Chris made it out into the shadows alongside the house.
He was losing it. He dragged a hand over his face. He already had the nightmares at night. Now his waking hours had turned into a nightmare. Knowing what he had done with Ellie, then just leaving her. And what was worse, he would do it again. He would take the comfort Ellie provided him if he could now. Her soft touches, her sincere smile, the gentle concern in her eyes when she listened to him.
He let out a cuss and hit the exterior wall with his fist. He couldn't do this. He had to get his head on straight. His team was counting on him.
He had to stop thinking about Ellie. What had happened between them was over.
That painful truth brought his head back to where it needed to be. No doubt Ellie was going to move on. She would rightly see Chris had nothing to offer and find someone else. There would be nothing to remind her of their week together and she would find someone who wasn't damaged. Someone who could be there for her.
Anyone but him.
She would go on with her life and never think about their short lived time together again.
#