Chapter Twenty-Five: Where the Fault Lies - Bella
"Narrative drawing to a close. Still remain the things we couldn't kill. In your eyes I can see it still. How we choose the framing of the scene. Hate begins to spill across the screen. Blinding light illuminates the scene.
Trying to fill the spaces in between." - How To Destroy Angels (The Space In Between)
Friday, September 16, 2005
I couldn't reconcile my feelings. There was something deep and painful that had been dredged up when Angela was threatened. I found myself storming out of the house at the first opportunity, although I couldn't figure out how I could go to her without breaking my cover. I dithered over what I was going to do, until I realized that I had gone home. My feet guided me to the place I wanted to go even when my head was swimming in confusion and anger.
I stood across the street, and could see Charlie through the window watching television, with an open beer resting on the arm of his recliner. But it wasn't what he was watching, where he was sitting or even the untouched beer that struck me. It was the absence of any life in his eyes, my death had completely destroyed him. Carlisle said it would be better, than how could he be like this? They promised me he would recover. I tensed my muscles, fighting the urge to run to him. I needed to tell him I was alright, and I needed him to heal, more than any nonsensical excuse about hiding my new nature.
I felt my resolve waning quickly, as my intellectual self fought with the instinctual and emotional part of me that needed to comfort him. Then a familiar hand closed over my left shoulder, and from the scent I knew that Esme had found me. I turned and pressed into her chest, and let myself cry, even though yet again no tears escaped my eyes. She stood in silence and let me grieve, over the last vestiges of my human life. I stayed that way for a long while, until finally I pulled away and looked up into her sympathetic eyes.
"He said Charlie would get better, that my death would be easier on him. Was it a lie? Why can't I go and make all of his pain go away." She waited for me to finish with the patience of a saint. But I could see in her face a touch of disappointment, which made me feel ashamed of my impulses.
"He didn't lie, and Charlie should get better. It will just take time. What Carlisle meant was in the long term, Charlie should be able to go through a shorter cycle of grieving. It is the difference between watching you slowly wither away, versus a sudden and unexpected death. At least you were happy and hopeful the last time he saw you, which is an easy memory to cling to. Either way he would've had to suffer your death, as no parent should, at least now he has a chance to move on while he's still young." She turned her attention to watch Charlie and I could see pain cross her features as she saw how utterly broken my father was.
"He doesn't look like he is recovering. He looks like he died inside." Even though the concealment of this new life was important, I couldn't see how telling would do him any harm.
"Well if Angela is any indication, then I don't think it is a good idea. For one, she was nearly killed when Alice crashed her car. Then there was the incident earlier today, which proves to me that humans shouldn't be a part of our lives. We acted impulsively when we told Angela about you. It was done with the best of intentions, but I feel we have irrevocably altered her life, and now her only destiny is to become one of us. I can't help but feel guilty for stealing her choices away like that." She looked down and I could tell she felt ashamed. Esme reached up and fixed my hair, something Renee would do on occasion. It felt so natural and right that I felt myself smiling at her.
I leaned my head against her shoulder and angled my vision back towards my father. "I don't think I can live with him like this. If he doesn't get better, and soon, I'll have to go to him."
"That could put him in danger, just like Angela." Esme warned, but she didn't break away, instead she wrapped me in her arms and held me tightly. I closed my eyes and accepted her embrace, she was so clearly on my side and her argument was simply made so I could look at every angle.
"I don't know if I care. What if he can't find the will to keep going?" I almost couldn't say the words, and my voice came out broken.
"Then we'll make it work somehow." She said, kissing the top of my head.
"Thank you." I muttered. We stayed like that, lingering in a copse of trees just far enough away so that we couldn't be spotted. Until eventually I pulled away and gave her a warm smile.
"I hope someone is watching over Angela?" I asked, suddenly worried.
"Of course, Mason took her on kind of a first date, Edward is watching from a distance and Emmett is running a perimeter. Mason seems like a good match, but I'm worried about her." Esme looked down again, and then back at me. I gave her a knowing nod.
"Me too. Should I take a shift too?" I asked, hoping that I could help.
"That may not be a good idea. You are still learning your own limitations, and as far as I know you have no combat training. I know your presence would be a comfort to Angela, but your funeral was just two days ago so your death is fresh in the minds of the town." Esme explained as softly as she could, but even though I could tell she was trying to protect me I felt an almost instinctual need to argue with her point.
"I'm supposed to be the strongest in the house right?" I said hotly, my anger building at the insinuation that I was somehow incapable of protecting my best friend.
"That isn't my point Bella. I'm just trying to keep you from being in a situation where you are in over your head." Esme said a bit defensively, and then stopped and turned sharply to peer down the street.
"What is it?" I could feel something approaching, but I couldn't tell what it was. It was a presence, accompanied by a strong musky scent. I felt my blood boiling in response to the smell, and my natural instincts put me instantly on guard.
"Trouble, you need to hide there is no way they haven't sensed our presence. But I doubt they can tell how many of us are here." I reacted to her words without hesitation, climbing up the tree we were next to with ease. There was something in my gut that told me she wasn't being evasive, just protective. It was less than a minute later when my old beat up truck roared up to Charlie's house. I could see Billy Black in the passenger seat, and Jacob was driving.
Jacob was scanning the area with a look of intensity I hadn't seen before. His short hair wasn't the only thing that had changed, he looked older and had gained what seemed like twenty pounds of muscle. As soon as he disengaged the engine he was out of his seat, he sniffed the air like a predator searching for prey. Then his gaze narrowed in on Esme's hiding place. He launched himself into a run and crossed the short distance in a couple of seconds. Esme stood her ground and waited patiently for Jacob to get into earshot.
"Cullen, what are you doing here!?" Jacob showed little emotion beyond blind hostility, and it didn't suit him. I couldn't see any of the goofy grin he used to wear, or the kindness that used to define his expressions.
"This is our territory is it not?" Esme said simply.
"Territory, I don't give a shit about that right now. Charlie is our friend, not yours, and you leeches are the reason he is like this anyway. You have no right to stalk him like a vulture. Wasn't his daughter's blood good enough for you? Do you want a taste of her entire family? Maybe go after Renee next?" Esme didn't move, but she flinched, and an anger widened her eyes that I had never seen before.
"We didn't kill Bella!" Esme said shrilly, her voice louder than she probably intended. "Jacob, I am just checking up on Charlie, I wanted to make sure he was recovering." Esme managed to quickly calm her anger, but even I could tell she was dangerously close to losing control of herself.
"Is her heart beating? Billy told me she wasn't dead, and I believe him. You made her into a monster, didn't you?" Jacob was upset, and his anger was causing his body to shake perceptibly.
"Please, I don't want a fight here." Esme said pleadingly, although for the life of me I couldn't understand why she would be worried about Jacob Black attacking her, unless he was one of those wolves we were supposed to be meeting with. I looked at Jacob again with different eyes, and the changes suddenly made sense, and I also realized Esme's calming words had no effect on him. His anger was climbing fast towards the boiling point.
"You didn't deny it. You've broken the treaty, and that means war!" Jacob practically shouted, leaving Esme to stare at Jacob for several seconds as if she were trying to decide what to say.
"You would've allowed her to suffer indignity and unbearable pain for the rest of her short life, rather than let her become one of us?" Her question took Jacob aback. He obviously wasn't expecting a rational argument. This seemed to calm him down a little, and he relaxed his fists which had been balled tightly, which had made his skin turn white around the knuckles.
"That isn't the point. You bit her and changed her. You broke the treaty and we will be coming for you." He seemed to think that was it for the conversation and began to turn back towards the house. Billy was still in the truck staring into the darkness concealing Esme.
"Whether we broke the treaty is irrelevant. We meant no harm, and our intentions were pure. She is happy and has already embraced our lifestyle. Would you destroy her as well?" Jacob paused and studied her face. Then I realized that Jacob wouldn't believe her unless he saw me with his own eyes. Without really putting much thought into it, I quickly dropped from my perch to Esme's side. Jacob tensed up in preparation for a fight, then as he took in my face recognition twisted his features into shock and horror.
"Jake, it's me Bella." Jacob flinched at my voice and took a step back.
"What have they done to you Bella? Is that really you?" For a second, I could see the old Jacob from my childhood in his eyes again. We weren't close, and it was surprising to see such a strong reaction out of him.
"Yes. Please don't be upset with them, they were only trying to stop my pain." I pleaded with him softly. But he quickly closed his eyes and shook his head.
"I don't think I can stop this, and I don't think I want to. We know this isn't your fault, but if you side with them, you are our enemy too." His face shifted back to the angry wolf that was threatening war with my family, even though I was partially convinced it was just a horrible mask that he was forcing himself to wear. He took a deep exaggerated breath before continuing.
"Think about your choice, if you choose to leave them, come to La Push and let us know, you have my word that we will let you leave in peace. You need to hurry though; we cannot tolerate their presence for much longer." He sneered at Esme and then turned back towards Charlie's house. He walked over to Billy's window and they talked briefly before Jacob jumped in the driver's side. He roared the engine to life then made a hasty U-turn and sped back the way they came. Charlie was still staring lifelessly at the television, completely oblivious to the drama that had just turned a part of my life upside down.
"That went well." Esme said, looking worried. "We need to warn the family. It looks like there is more danger surrounding us than any of us wanted to admit."
I looked at her and nodded, then stole one last look at my father wishing him better. Then we took off towards the house. Just as we crossed the edge of town Esme's cell phone rang.
"Is Bella with you?" I could hear Edward's voice clearly. She didn't answer and instead handed me her phone and continued ahead while I stopped to talk.
"Edward? What's wrong?" I asked, not sure why he wanted to speak to me.
"Angela is safe at home, and we're watching the area. I thought you would want to know." Edward kept his voice even, and I felt a small smile curl at my lips from his thoughtfulness.
"Thank you." I said easily, as my mind settled on my desire to forgive him. Perhaps in time I could even think of him as a brother.
"Of course, I know how much she…" There was a strange sound, like stone grinding on metal and the phone landing on the ground. A few seconds later I could hear someone pick it up.
"Are you his mate?" The voice on the other end matched the tracker James. I stopped in mid-step horrified by the thought that Edward was suddenly gone.
"What did you do?" My voice was cold as ice. I was already angry with the situation with my father, and now this monster had hurt my family.
"I'm sorry he had to go, but he was in my way. Get this message to the white haired one, tell him if he wants his human, then he needs to come alone to the clearing where we met." Without another word he ended the call, and I started to run towards town faster than I had ever run before.
I had found my last experience running to be exhilarating, liberating, even wonderful. This felt like the opposite, I was filled with dread and fear. If I had still been human, my heart would've been racing. Instead, my new body simply moved. Faster and faster, through the streets of Forks towards an uncertain future where my family would be broken and grieving. Why hadn't Alice seen this? Wasn't Edward supposed to be alive in the coming fight? I had not gotten over my anger, but I had always assumed I had time. Time to heal, time to forgive. I wanted him in my life, but he was gone, in an instant.
I knew Angela's street very well; I had spent more time staring out their large bay window onto this street than I could actively remember from my fuzzy human memories. I risked stopping for a second under a tree at the end of the block, scanning everything for any sign of Edward. It took longer than I wanted, but eventually I found him halfway down opposite from Angela's house, in the front yard of a family that was out of town on a off season vacation.
I ran to him without really thinking, and what I found sent waves of shock and fear up my spine. His eyes were motionless, his head nearly sheared off and his right arm severed and laying next to him. I fell to my knees unable to think clearly. I stared at his corpse for what felt like hours, but I knew it had only been seconds when the phone I had inadvertently stolen from Esme rang, startling me out of whatever was causing me to freeze in place.
I answered. "He's gone." Was all I could say.
"Bella, is he burned?" Carlisle asked rather curiously.
"No, but he's in pieces." I replied feeling helpless.
"I need you to press those pieces together and hold them in place." Carlisle spoke as if instructing a child. However, it gave me hope. I dropped the phone into the grass and leaned down to press Edward's head against the trunk of his neck, like fitting together pieces of a mannequin, but far more real and terrifying. For five long seconds nothing happened. And then the seam started to knit back together, and as the crack across his neck faded, life flashed back into his eyes. He sat up and stared at me wordlessly.
"Bella?" He said my name in a whisper. I pulled back and looked him in the eyes feeling a wave of relief.
"I forgive you, brother." I said feeling overwhelmed. His smile was so pure and happy but that happiness vanished in the next instant as he looked over at Angela's house.
"Angela?" He asked with a hopeful look on his face. I shook my head in response. "He took me by surprise, but Mason was going after..."
"He got her." I spoke softly, almost afraid to say the words. It felt like admitting she was dead, and a faint hope in my heart withered as I delivered the news. I felt my face fall and inside I felt myself scream, as my rage slammed against my shield cracking it down the middle.
"Their play was too easy, were we too complacent?" He looked angry. But I was sure nothing could match the seething hatred I was feeling.
"I was a fool." Mason's voice surprised us both and we looked up and over at him standing only five feet away.
"Mason, he wants you to come alone." I almost couldn't meet his eyes as I spoke, and he immediately shut his eyes tightly, clenching his jaw. Then he nodded once, anguish crossed his face, and then anger. I loved Angela, but in that instant, I knew he was in love with her. When he opened his eyes, I couldn't see any hope left in him.
"Where?" He said softly, although I wasn't sure if his anger was directed at us or the two that kidnapped her.
"In the baseball field, he wants you to come alone." I said, my voice almost breaking from the emotions that were overwhelming me. He nodded once, and was gone.
The scream welling up from inside me, broke through my shield and as I released it, the inhuman sound shattered the glass of the homes nearby. Edward acted quickly and scooped me up into his arms. He carried me towards home so fast that I thought I was imagining the speed. When we were out of the earshot of human ears he stopped and set me carefully on the ground.
"I trust him, he'll bring her back, I know it." Edward said, locking eyes with me as he took a hold of my shoulders.
"This is my fault. She shouldn't even be a part of our lives!" I felt so helpless, despite the power in my body there was nothing I could do.
"I thought I was the one who overreacts." He gave me a halfhearted smirk, but it didn't work. The deep funk I had fallen into was driving me a little crazy. "Bella, you can't blame yourself. I know we'll see her again; Alice would've seen if she was going to die."
"Really, like her visions have been that reliable lately!" The vile emotions seizing me spat out the insult without thought, but Edward took it in stride.
"You can't blame her for that, and I know she'll figure a way around that vision, because even if I'm not sure about her power right now, I'm sure of her." Edward was holding me at arm's length, and it was almost as if he were holding me in place. I was momentarily frustrated with him and shrugged away from his touch.
I stood up and ran as fast and far as I could into the endless woods. I felt Edward's presence behind me, but he was far enough back to give me space. I ran without purpose until I broke a tree line and found myself in a large clearing. A light layer of snow covered the dead grass and the full moon made the entire field sparkle like I was looking into a reflection of myself in full daylight.
It took him a long minute to come up behind me, but his presence calmed me down. When I spoke, it was barely a whisper. "We just told an ancient man that the woman he's in love with was kidnapped. A woman who by all accounts he has been waiting for thousands of years to meet." I looked over my shoulder at Edward who sighed with understanding.
"I know, he let me into his mind for a second as he left. The message was clear, if he saves her, they'll be back. If he doesn't, he's going to the Volturi to end it." I looked back into Edward's eyes and I could see guilt in his face. "If my ability worked like it used to, I would've heard James' mind as he approached. Instead I almost died, and Angela…"
"Edward, it wasn't your fault." I gave him a forced smile, but he shook his head at me.
"Then who is to blame? Where was Mason?" Edward asked, looking defeated. He shook his head again, but then stopped as something caught his attention.
"Alice is in trouble." He looked at me and motioned with his head to follow. Then we were moving through the forest at what felt like my top speed. As we got closer, I could hear the wolves barking and yapping at something.
"I can't let you take him!" Alice's voice was threatening, angry.
"You're all making this so hard, I'm so sorry." The other voice was Jacob, I had no doubt. I angled myself towards that voice, and second later I slammed into Jacob with as much force as I could. He flew back nearly fifty feet and as he landed, he shifted into a wolf. He launched himself at me, only skidding to a stop in the last five feet. The other three wolves all barked loudly at him, and he howled once before turning and running towards the West, fast, nearly as fast as I was just running.
I turned toward Alice, happy with myself, until I realized she was guarding someone at her feet, my vision tracked down and found something out of a nightmare. My dad, pale and prone on the forest floor. A large gash in his throat seeping, and his body convulsing. I looked at Alice who shook her head, closing her eyes in pain, then shook her head again. I looked at her suspiciously, it was plain on her face that she was ashamed of something.
"Alice, now isn't the time. Tell me what happened to Charlie!" I demanded, and she opened her eyes but couldn't fully meet mine.
"I told him the truth, and then." Her voice trailed off, but I could guess the rest. In her misguided attempt to make me happy she tried to turn him. "I'm so sorry Bella I never meant to..." I felt my hand flying before I had a chance to understand my action. The slap was deafening, and it left a strange dark imprint on her cheek for a long second. She reached up and touched her cheek, and then looked at me with such a look of guilt and fear that I took a step back from her.
"It was the red-head. I visited your father, I had to tell him. I couldn't stand to see him like that." Alice shut her eyes and lowered her head in shame. I reached out, tempted to throw a punch this time. Instead I placed a gentle hand on her shoulder. She flinched, and then fell into my arms.
"I'm so sorry, I found him like this just after the wolves scared her off. Then I started to run home and they caught up to me." Alice's body was shaking, her head bobbing up and down constantly, clearly in a state of panic.
"Then you did something I didn't have the resolve to do. But, Alice, your timing sucks, they have Angela." Alice's eyes flew open and she shook her head quickly a couple of times in confusion.
"No, I saw her, no. She's still alive. We went to the mall. I don't understand…" Alice pulled away and fell back against a nearby tree and collapsed under the weight of her anger and confusion, weeping into her folded arms and resting on her knees which she had drawn up to her chest. Edward motioned for me to pick up my father. I swallowed once, and gave him a curt nod, before leaning down.
"I don't know if you can hear me, but I'm here dad. I'm going to take you to a safe place, and when you wake, we'll explain everything." I gently picked him up. A part of my mind broke a little as I took in the fact that I was holding my own father. A concept that would've been impossible as a human, even when I had my legs. I looked at Charlie for a protracted second, and then back at Edward in a loss of what to do next. I needed time to process everything and it didn't help that my best friend's life was still in mortal peril. He picked up Alice, who was still curled into herself, and together he led me towards home.
Esme and Carlisle were already waiting, and Esme immediately called Edward. "Give her to me." Edward gently transferred Alice over to Esme, who quickly retreated into the house.
Carlisle helped me get my father onto a couch in his office, and then pulled me into a hug. I didn't feel like I wanted it at first, but after a moment I just buried my head in his chest, feeling my body shake from tearless sobs. We stood that way for a long time, his patience endless. Eventually I cried myself out, and as I pulled away, he gave me the warmest smile.
"I'll look after him, he'll be fine Bella." He gave me a father's reassurance, and some of the guilt lessened from my shoulders.
I quickly turned away and ran out the back of the house. Heavy moonlight drifted down from the broken clouds and made my crystalline skin glow softly in undulating patterns. For a long time, I stood alone with my thoughts until the sun rose in the sky above me. It took me all night to realize that there was nothing I could've done and there was no one to blame. The indignation and fury that felt so natural to me when we were caught up in the chaos of the attack, was gone, and all I was left with was a deep ache. Rosalie eventually joined me, she didn't touch me or try to comfort me. Instead she simply stood next to me, her expression just as tortured as my own.
"Alice will be okay, I think." Rose said cautiously.
"I should apologize, it wasn't her fault." I shook my head; the word fault was starting to sound wrong to me. "Hold me please" I begged, looking over at her feeling like I was unable to stand on my own. She moved over without hesitation and wrapped her arms around my waist, pulling me against her chest and kissing my right cheek. Any question I might've had about us drifted away, as she held me tightly.
"We need to tell the family." She whispered.
"When she's back, when she's safe." I said back, reaching down and putting my hands on top of hers to show that I didn't mean I wasn't serious about us.
"We should've all been there. Why were we running perimeters?" Rose questioned, her voice quivering with emotion. I looked back, and then turned in her arms and leaned my forehead against hers. "
"Questioning our actions is pointless now, it isn't your fault. All we can do now is wait." I looked towards the wilderness in the vague direction of the baseball field.
"She's alive, she has to be alive." Was all she said in response, kissing me softly and then resting her head on my shoulder.
I didn't have anything either, my head swimming in contradictions and fear. I wanted to lose myself in her embrace, but I couldn't be selfish anymore. My best friend was in mortal danger, my father was suffering and my family was being threatened by wolves. I didn't know why we seemed to be dangling by a finger on the edge of fate. But I had to hope that an ancient vampire, whose motivations were as secret as his past, could save Angela's life.
Author's Note:
I hope these last three chapters weren't too confusing, but here is a basic breakdown of events:
Mason and Angela finish their date and he brings her home.
Bella storms out of the Cullen family meeting and heads to her father's house and has that interaction with Esme and Jacob.
Meanwhile Victoria pulls Mason from his watch over Angela. James blindsides Edward.
Edward calls Esme and speaks to Bella. Bella rushes towards Edward, while Victoria loses Mason.
Charlie wanders up to Bella's room and discovers Alice.
Alice leaves and Victoria shows up, attacking Charlie.
Jacob returns with backup and discovers Victoria attacking Charlie. They drive her away and Alice returns after hearing the wolves.
Alice finds Charlie, and starts to head home with him when the wolves intercept her.
Edward and Bella move towards the house and encounter Alice and the Wolves.
Next Chapter: Part One Finale - Chapter Twenty-Six: Fire in My Blood
Thank you for reading!