Chapter 13

Buck paced around the small barracks. Nathan obligingly moved his feet yet again as Buck passed.

"But that's good, right?" JD asked. "Your sister was at the hospital and the doctor said everything was fine." He looked around at everyone when no one agreed. "Right?"

Buck stopped near JD and opened his mouth to speak. But he couldn't find the words he needed to say. He closed his mouth. He opened it again, pointed a finger at JD to make his point, then closed his mouth and strode between the bunks again.

"I think 'fine' would mean Buck's sister ain't sittin' in a hospital at all," Vin offered to JD.

"Yes!" Buck whirled around, Vin's point finally freeing up what he needed to be said. "And that fella that was with her! Who was that?" he demanded, as if one of the other men would know.

"Ellie's bound to have friends you haven't met, my friend," Josiah said evenly.

Buck scowled. He didn't know why Ellie needed to have any friends. Especially male ones. "She has all of us," Buck grumbled.

Josiah didn't bother to hide his smile. "And we're all on the opposite side of the world. Do you expect her to put her life on hold until we all get home? Her life's gonna be moving on without any of us."

A sharp slam had Buck jumping. He looked to see Chris passing by the window outside, the door still shuddering in his wake.

Chris had been surlier than normal this deployment, and seeing that fellow on Ellie's phone had really set him off. But Buck knew better than to say anything to Chris. Besides, he was annoyed enough himself at some dandy being there for Ellie when it should be him.

This time Nathan wasn't quite quick enough for Buck's long strides and he stumbled over his legs, catching himself before he ended up sprawled on the floor.

"Sorry, Nathan," Buck said.

Nathan didn't look offended, but his dark eyes were concerned. "Dwelling on what's goin' on back home ain't going to help you none. You know that."

Yeah, he did know that. This wasn't his first deployment. But it was his first one since the attack that had killed Stephen Travis. The first time Buck worried he wouldn't make it home to Ellie and she would end up alone.

He snorted. Not alone. Clearly she was making friends just fine in the absence of Buck and his friends.

#

"You didn't have to do this." Ellie said. But then she smiled. "But I'm glad you did."

Ezra appreciated her lack of artifice. And her sincere smile brought one from him in return. She stepped back and held the door open wider for Ezra to bring his load inside.

He made his way into her miniscule kitchen and Ellie motioned to the counter for him to deposit his bounty.

"I hope it wasn't presumptuous of me to bring by Christmas dinner."

"It's sweet of you," Ellie said.

Ezra wasn't sure 'sweet' was an accurate description of him, but he didn't want to offend her. He took out the roasted turkey and mashed potatoes, biscuits, and glazed carrots he had procured at a local deli. Then he set out the ginger ale, Gatorade, soda crackers, and ginger cookies.

Ellie, still looking as wan as she had the evening before, let out a grateful sigh and reached for the ginger ale and soda crackers.

With the sweatpants and oversized t-shirt Ellie had on, it seemed a more suitable choice than the gourmet dinner.

"I'll be one my way," Ezra said. "Merry Christmas."

Ellie tilted her head, brow knit in confusion. "You're not staying to eat?"

Ezra was concerned that he had already formed more of an attachment to his pretty neighbor than he should have. Staying to eat with her would be more than he had intended. More than he should do.

But Ellie was taking out a plate and handing it to him. He thought of his empty, silent apartment, already half packed for his move in the coming weeks. Ellie's face was kind, the small Christmas tree in her living room was lit, and the food did smell good.

Ezra helped himself to some of the food then followed Ellie to the living room.

Ellie half reclined back against the cushions and pulled a throw blanket over her lap. Ezra hesitated, then took the opposite end of the couch. He didn't think he had ever eaten a meal on living room furniture. Growing up, it had been formal dining rooms—a variety of them, thanks to Maude's proclivity for finding a new husband every few years—and he had continued the habit in his own space without thinking about it.

"How did your Christmas morning call with your brother go?" Ezra asked.

Ellie's groan was answer enough. She took an experimental sip of her ginger ale before setting it aside.

"I told him I had a headache from my fall and wished him a Merry Christmas and hung up," she said, grimacing.

Ezra couldn't bite back his smile. "That must have put his mind at ease," he said.

"Well, you weren't with me, so I think that evened things out." Ellie's warm expression drew him into the joke rather than offending him.

Ezra let out a small chuckle. He imagined if Ellie was his sister, he wouldn't be so inclined to want to see her around the likes of someone like him either.

"Ezra," Ellie said.

Ezra braced himself for whatever was coming as her face grew serious and she leaned forward slightly.

"Thank you for helping me out yesterday," she said earnestly.

Ezra started to shake his head and wave off her gratitude, but she reached forward, squeezing his hand. "No, really. I'm glad you were with me. It meant a lot."

"Yes, well," Ezra cleared his throat. "I needed to close up the bar and a body on the floor of the bathroom is bad for business."

Ellie laughed. "Sorry about the whole 'being a body on the floor of the ladies' bathroom' thing," she said.

"To getting up from the floor," Ezra said, lifting his can of ginger ale in a mock toast.

"To neighbors who help you up," Ellie responded.

There was no reason for Ezra to have difficulty swallowing around the lump in his throat.

"Do you have the holiday week off work?" Ezra asked, moving the conversation to more stable ground.

Ellie bit her lip, reached for her drink. She took a small sip.

So maybe not such stable ground.

"I'm between jobs right now," she finally said. But it was obvious that it was more than that. Ezra made sure his alarm didn't show.

Ellie shrugged like it wasn't anything to worry about. "My boss was super nice. He gave me a severance package so I have time to find…something." She didn't sound confident.

Ezra frowned, but didn't say anything.

She took another sip of her drink, then a bite of cracker. Then her face turned paler, she made a gagging sound and leaped up from the couch, sprinting from the room.

Ezra automatically stood, not sure if he should follow after her. Then he heard her retching from behind a closed door and winced.

He had told himself bringing her a meal was a neighborly gesture. And a way of reassuring himself she was fine.

He glanced around her cozy apartment, with no sign of preparations for a coming baby, the sound of her being sick in the bathroom, and the knowledge that she was without a job.

He was anything but reassured.

#

Ellie sat alone in her apartment, the only light coming from the small Christmas tree and the flickering light from the Christmas movie on television. Ezra had gone home hours earlier, looking concerned and telling her to call if she needed anything.

She heaved a long sigh. She needed a car that worked, a job, and Chris. Most of all Chris.

She pressed her lips together and drew a shaky breath, pulling the blanket more securely around herself. She would give anything to be able to have Chris next to her. To tell him about the baby. She hadn't even been able to wish him a Merry Christmas, she had hung up on Buck before she said anything that made her brother worry and none of the other men on his team had come over before she ended the short call.

Ellie picked up her phone and held it, debating. Chris was Buck's friend, but he was just as important to her as Buck was. Important in an entirely different way now. But Buck wouldn't know anything about that. So it wouldn't raise any eyebrows if she called Chris.

Ellie opened the video call app on her phone and pushed the button. Most likely Chris wasn't going to answer. It was early morning in Syria. The day after Christmas, SEAL Team seven's holiday was over. She told herself that it would be ok if Chris didn't answer. That he wasn't going to answer.

"Ellie?"

Chris' rough voice came through with the video of him.

"Chris," she breathed. Her hand tightened on her phone as she fought for control. Tried to keep from breaking down and telling him how much she missed him—how much she needed him, wanted him.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

Ellie could see the tension in his shoulders, the wary alert in his expression. It was an instinctual response to try to ease his worry.

"Nothing," she said. "I just wanted to see you. I miss you."

For a second she didn't think Chris was going to answer. Or, worse, that he would tell her he didn't miss her, but then there was an almost imperceptible softening in the hard planes of his face and he spoke quietly. "I miss you, too."

Ellie blinked away tears, not wanting to make this harder on Chris.

"It's quiet there," she said, trying to find safer ground. Whenever she called Buck, it was only a matter of minutes before his teammates were crowded around the computer to say their hellos.

"Everyone went out on patrol. I stayed behind to finish writing reports."

Ellie grimaced. "You must love that."

Chris didn't answer, but he didn't need to. Ellie could see how much he hated staying behind. New creases had formed at the edges of his eyes this deployment. The lines around his mouth had deepened.

"How's your head?" Chris asked.

"My head?" Ellie asked dumbly.

"You were in the hospital yesterday," Chris said, the worry in face growing.

"Oh, right." Ellie swallowed hard. She needed to tell him. She met his eyes, saw the heavy burden that was there for the men on his team he felt responsible for, shadowed under a new worry for her. If she told him she was pregnant, and he was on the other side of the world, she could only imagine how hard that would be for him. How much more of a load he would be carrying.

Ellie bit her bottom lip. Then released it and tried for a smile. "My head is fine." It was her heart that was breaking. To see how Chris looked right now was enough to squeeze her heart with a physical pain.

"Are you ok, Chris?" she asked softly.

He didn't answer. But the brokenness she had seen in him before this deployment was still there. She had been in his bed with him and felt how broken he was. Telling him about the baby when he was on the other side of the world wouldn't help him.

"I should go," Chris said.

The rough connection through the video wasn't much, but Ellie didn't want to lose it. She didn't say that, though.

"Take care of yourself," she said instead.

Chris nodded slightly, then held her gaze before he disconnected the call. "You too, Ellie," he said.

The finality in those words echoed through her silent apartment long after her phone screen went dark.

#