Chapter 14

Josiah turned the page over.

Nothing.

The entire letter from his father fit on the single page front. Josiah closed his eyes and hoped his father wasn't as blunt with Hannah as he was with Josiah in his letter to him. But Josiah knew his father, and gentleness wasn't a part of him. The one thing Hannah needed more than anything.

"Something wrong?"

Josiah looked up from the letter.

Vin sat down on his own cot.

"Just a letter from home," Josiah said.

"Bad news?" Vin asked.

It was never good news from home. Josiah looked down at the letter again. "My father's making plans for my sister." Josiah didn't say anything about Hannah having been committed to a mental health facility month ago, or that the plans his father were making weren't anything that would actually help Hannah.

Vin seemed to understand. "She ain't gonna be happy about these plans?"

"They'll destroy her," Josiah said. Bitterness toward his father pushed up and Josiah tried to temper it. But the thought of Gregor bringing Hannah to a convent, to stow her away, instead of home when she was released from her current placement, made Josiah rage at the injustice of it for Hannah. And the helplessness to do anything about it from his current place in Syria.

Sweet, soft spoken Hannah being shuttered away from the world, but without any resources to help her if she started self-harming again, broke Josiah's heart.

"Does your sister have a say in any of this?" Vin asked.

Josiah balled up the paper in his hand. "No." She would never defy their father. And Josiah didn't even know if she was capable of finding her own placement upon discharge, let alone staying safe.

Vin was silent, sitting on his cot and Josiah appreciated his presence without any platitudes.

"Do you have a say?" Vin asked.

Josiah cast his mind around for a solution. Something he could offer Hannah. He lived simply near the base. It was a studio apartment, bare bones. But maybe it would be better than her alternatives.

"It should be her say," Josiah finally answered. "But it would be nice if she had options to choose from." Like staying near him where he could make sure she was safe. "Thanks, brother," he said.

Vin gave a nod. "Let me know if you need anything for her."

Josiah felt a weight lift from his shoulders. "I will." Hannah would need all the friends she could get once she was finally released from the institution. Thankfully, he had a few months before she was expected to be released before he had to have plans in place.

He said a silent prayer for his sister. That she would be able to start over in Denver. That she would have a home there. That she would find a place in the makeshift family Josiah had found there.

#

Ellie stared at the phone. Another rejection. She shouldn't be surprised. She had run out of one interview to throw up in a garbage can in the lobby. One she didn't make it to in time because the city bus was running late. And two of them were only interviewing for show, the positions went to family members of the manager.

She looked around her apartment. The apartment that she was going to be evicted from in two months if she didn't find a job. She was out of money for rent. Her car was still sitting, broken and useless, in the parking lot. And her baby was growing bigger every day.

Ellie looked down at her stomach, gently protruding over her lap now. 18 weeks pregnant. She was almost halfway through her pregnancy. She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to shove away the feelings of overwhelm. It would be fine. She would find a job. She would pay her rent and have her apartment. She would find a way to tell Chris about the baby. Chris and Buck would come home safe and be happy about the baby.

A strangled sob threatened. Ellie squeezed her eyes shut tighter, trying to shove down the feelings. She buried her face in her hands.

She couldn't do this. She didn't know how to fix things.

A knock sounded at her door.

Ellie debated ignoring it. But Mrs. Relington next door had been having trouble with her arthritis. She often came over when she needed help opening a jar.

Ellie grabbed at the blanket on her couch and used it to wipe her eyes. She took a breath that didn't reach all the way to her lungs and pasted on…a smile was too difficult, but at least a look that she hoped looked less desperate.

"Ezra," she said in surprise. She must not have put her face together as well as she thought, because he looked at her in concern.

"Is everything alright?" he asked.

Ellie waved off his question, muscling through, trying to keep from showing the cracks that were running way too deep. "Oh yeah," she said. "Just a long day."

Ezra nodded. Ellie got the impression he was letting it go even though he didn't believe her.

"I'm sorry for dropping by unannounced," Ezra said. "But I was hoping I could ask you for a favor."

"Of course," Ellie said without hesitation. She opened the door and let him in. In the two weeks since Christmas, Ezra had come by at least a couple times a week, usually with meals saying he hated to throw out a perfectly good burger, or salad, or pizza. She wanted to be able to repay him.

Ezra held out a carryout bag to her. "Chicken tenders and onion rings," he said. "I definitely ordered more than my appetite would have necessitated."

Ellie took the bag gratefully. "Thanks. But that's not me doing you a favor."

Ezra's lips curved slightly. "Easing my guilt about the amount of wasted food is a favor. But you're correct, that's not the favor I had in mind."

Ellie tilted her head to the side, curious how she could help him.

"Business is becoming very steady. More than steady," he said. "And I'm finding it difficult to hire reliable employees. I know this may be presumptuous of me to ask, but if you haven't committed to another place of employment, would you be willing to work for me?"

Ellie stared at him. "A job?" she asked. The earlier feelings of panic flared, then burned out, leaving her hands shaking.

"It's not very glamorous," Ezra said. "It would be mostly tending bar with me. Some light cleaning at closing time if you're feeling well enough, but—"

Ellie cut his words off when she flung her arms around him. "Yes!" she burst out, squeezing him with everything she had. "I can take the job. Any hours. 60 hours a week. Cleaning toilets. Whatever you need me to do."

Ezra cleared his throat and Ellie felt one of his hands come up to pat her awkwardly on the shoulder. "I thought we could start with 30 hours a week. See if you like it."

Ellie squeezed her eyes shut again, but this time it wasn't to hide from the feelings. It was to savor the moment.

"Thank you, Ezra," she whispered against his coat. "You have no idea how much I appreciate this." Finally she let him go, a laugh escaping at the look of relief on his face when she released him.

"Is tomorrow too soon to start?" he asked.

"No, not at all. I can start whenever you want. As soon as you need. Tonight—"

Ezra smiled. "Tomorrow will be sufficient," he said. "You'll be working with me from open to close. So if you would prefer to ride with me, that would work well. Unless your car is fixed."

He didn't look surprised when Ellie told him her car wasn't working.

"Then I'll be at your door at two tomorrow."

"I'll be ready," Ellie said. She wanted to hug Ezra again, but he took a cautious step back so she reached out and gave him arm a squeeze instead. "Thanks again."

Ezra left and Ellie closed the door behind him. She stood there, unable to believe she had a job. She wasn't going to be homeless. Chris would be happy when she told him about the baby.

Her good mood dissipated at that thought. Would he? Ellie shoved the thought aside. She had five months to tell Chris about the baby. She wasn't going to think about that now. Not tonight.

#

Chris couldn't stop thinking about her.

He made his way quietly out of the barracks, the rest of the men sleeping soundly, Buck's snoring almost like white noise to them. Outside it was cold, bracing.

Chris drew in a long breath. He had seen her three times in town today. Or thought he had. All three times, the women had been local women, not Ellie. And Chris had been left reeling, trying to shove it all down. Trying not to miss Ellie.

And then tonight. He had dreamed about her. He was at his ranch with her in bed next to him. War and insurgents and Syria a lifetime away. Ellie had curled her arm around him, her warmth pressed against his back. Chris had run his hand over her arm, her skin so soft. And then he had rolled over, brushed his hand over her cheek. She had opened her eyes, looked at him. And started screaming. Chris was just a shell of a man. Not who she thought she had been in bed with.

He had jolted awake, breathing hard. Scrubbed his hands over his face, clammy with sweat.

He was outside now, but the reality of the dream followed him out here.

Chris sank down on the step in front of their building. He never should have been with Ellie. Never should have taken the comfort she offered. Having her and then leaving her was worse than if he had stayed strong and turned her away. If he hadn't had half a bottle of whiskey and countless shots of bourbon in him, slowing his judgment. But that was only a sorry excuse for the first time. He hadn't been drinking all the times after that. But if he was honest, he knew he would have given in to Ellie's touches that first time even without alcohol. The way she drew him away from the shadows. Chased away the memories.

He rasped out a curse and dropped his head into his hands. He had no business trying to forget anything. He had let down Stephen Travis. Stephen's team, his own team. He had been the leader on the mission. The RPGs, the flames, the death…it was all on him. He didn't deserve what Ellie had given him.

Chris stayed outside on the step until the sun, somewhere below the horizon, started turning the sky gray. The base started stirring.

Chris forced himself to stand. To spend another day trying to make up for how he had failed.

#