Krazyasibe: Thanks for reviewing! I'm so glad you followed my story! Writing this story often helps me with my stress too, so I'm glad it can help others like you as well! And you're very welcome! Thank you so much for reviewing! Kind words such as yours really help me keep writing!

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Sorry for the delay in posting this! I'll try to get the next chapter up by Thursday or Friday

CHAPTER 31

I'm leaving for Malfoy Manor tomorrow. Not for my duty but to spend my birthday with Mum. But I can't seem to get to sleep because one thing continues to go through my mind: I'm nearly eighteen, and if I get pregnant any time soon, this could very well be the last year of my life. I could die at eighteen years old. It could all end before I ever even really get a chance to live it.

The thought sends a cold shiver down my spine, and in an instant I'm sitting up in my bed and reaching for the little wooden box I have not opened since I was at Spinner's End. Inside is the amulet with Hogwarts sketched on the back, the amulet Dumbledore gave me when I joined the Order of the Phoenix. And just seeing it strikes an idea in my mind. I run my thumb over etching of Hogwarts on the back of the amulet, raising my wand and attempting to put a new spell over it. A strange sadness suddenly strikes me chest, and I find myself actually regretting that Dumbledore had to die. It seems so unfair, honestly.

It's also unfair that he made Severus kill him. For a moment I close my eyes against the thought. A lot about this war is unfair, and it will only be made right with Voldemort finally, finally dies.

Within minutes I'm traveling through the castle under the Disillusionment Charm, making my way to McGonagall's office. I crack the door open slightly. The professor is not in her office yet, which really isn't a surprise considering the early hour, but I enter her office nonetheless and take a seat in front of her desk. My stomach churns uncomfortably. I don't want to die. I'd be leaving behind Severus, McGonagall, Mum and Rodolphus, Christopher and the second-years, Astoria and Daphne and Draco. They would have to bury me after such a short, dreadfully painful life. Eighteen.

I don't want to die.

The door to McGonagall's chambers opens, and she gasps loudly, her wand drawn in seconds. She lowers it when she realizes that I'm the one sitting, uninvited and unannounced, in her office. "You startled me, Rodgers. What're you doing in here?"

I sigh quietly. After the way I treated her at the beginning of this year, I want her to know that I truly do care. I realize she forgave me for the way I acted, but I want to do something to prove to her that I'm sorry and that she still means the world to me. I want her to know that she's one of the most important people in my life. "I have something I want to give you, Professor, for reasons I'd rather not discuss because they have a great deal to do with the Death Eaters and I fear what will happen if you find out everything. So I need you to accept it with no questions asked, yeah?" I run my thumb over the back of the amulet again. "You may or may not remember, but Professor Dumbledore gave this to me. I haven't worn it in a while. I haven't even looked at it since…Azkaban. But it's constantly in the back of my mind as a reminder that there are bigger things happening than just me and what I'm going through.

"It's important to me, Professor. When I looked at it this morning, I felt calm, and that's when I realized that I need you to have it," I say. "Please don't argue. You won't have to wear it, but I want you to have it. Very few possessions mean anything to me anymore, but this one means a great deal. And I want you to have it." To remember me in case I die, I want to add but don't.

She watches me suspiciously.

"Please don't ask me why. I just think…I want you to have it." I reach forward and place it on her desk.

"I can't take this from you."

"It would mean more to me if you had it than it does if I have it. Please, don't be difficult about this. Take it. I want you to have it."

McGonagall picks it up and looks at it for a moment. "Rodgers—"

"Don't argue, please. Please just take it."

She nods slightly and sets it back on her desk. Her eyes grow suspicious.

"I'm sorry for—everything I did." I suddenly feel uncomfortable, a little nervous, almost as if I'd spill my secrets to her if I stay in here any long, so I beat a hasty retreat, ignoring her as she tells me to wait.

A few minutes later I find myself in the Great Hall, sitting at the Slytherin table patiently until my friends arrive and I can put this whole I-might-die-this-year thing behind me for a few short hours. And it works, for the most part. Though my hour waiting period is miserable and filled with horrifying images of my closest friends burying my body in some graveyard, my mother and my father unable to join them and thus forced to grieve me in private (together, of course, because hopefully Rodolphus will be told the truth after I'm gone—but maybe that's not the best thing for him because would that make my death worse? I don't know, there are too many variables), and my mother going crazy again, or crazier depending on how you might view her now.

I can see her going on a killing spree in the name of Aurelia Celaeno Lestrange. Even though it would be her own beloved master who killed me. That wouldn't matter to her, of course, and her grief would cause the death of so many others. As it did last time. Some victims might suffer a fate worse than death, such as the Longbottoms.

My father would retreat farther into himself, no doubt. If I thought he looked bad after his return from Azkaban, I can only imagine what he might look like when he discovers that his daughter-who-was-actually-secretly-alive has been killed. And he has a grandchild via the Dark Lord himself.

Merlin, I don't want Rodolphus to know about me, actually. Let him suffer the death of his daughter only once.

I glance over to the doors when students begin trickling in for breakfast, but none of the groups contains anyone I want to see. I wonder what Draco will go through when I die. He might have Astoria with him though, so at least he won't be alone.

Would Daphne miss me?

But maybe death is the one thing I have to look forward to. Zoe will be waiting for me. And Mrs. Stoico. We can be happy again.

But I don't want to leave Severus like that.

A cold hand grips my heart. The last time I thought about dying to see Zoe and Mrs. Stoico, the dementors came to get me. I close my eyes and fight down the fear. Dementors aren't here, they're not here, they can't hurt me. I'm okay, I'm okay.

With great struggle, I force my eyes open. Finally I see some friends when Daphne and Christopher enter the hall, smiling and laughing about some shared secret that I wish I could be a part of. They come toward me, Daphne taking the seat across from and Christopher sitting down beside me. "Where're the rest of you?" I ask.

"Lagging behind, but we're starving so here we are," Christopher says. He immediately begins filling up his plate with food.

I don't know what it is about these friends I've made (friends I don't believe I have the right to even claim after everything I've done over the years), but they make me feel better. I'm almost as calm as when I'm in Severus's chambers eating breakfast with only him. Almost. The rest of our group shows up shortly after that, and the next half hour is blissful and peaceful, and I'm happy, or happy enough. I need to spend more time with them rather than hiding out, asleep.

I'm reaching for my second helping of eggs when a rough hand lands on my shoulder. "Miss Rodgers, if you'd be so kind to come with me," Amycus says. The food on the tables begins disappearing. "Breakfast is over, so I can't imagine you have anything to miss."

With an annoyed grumble I stand and follow him from the Great Hall. Alecto falls into line with us as we started toward her office. I never even saw her leave the hall. "Aren't you two going to miss your classes?" They're acting different, nervous.

"We have a few minutes," Alecto says.

"And you're going to waste them on me? Wow, I'm honored."

They force me into the chair in front of Alecto's desk. "What do you know about your father?" she asks me.

"Only that he was a pureblooded wizard and that he and my mother had me out of wedlock," I lie. "Why do you want to know? Shouldn't you be asking about the D.A. or something?"

They ignore me, and Amycus asks, "And your mother—what can you tell us about her?"

"Well, I know that I have her eyes," which is a complete and utter lie, but I don't care, "and I know that she went crazy shortly after my birth. From that moment, I was taken somewhere else and given a new name."

"You were cared for by Abigail Avery, who at the time you thought was a Squib?" Alecto says.

"How do you even know that? Does the Dark Lord know that you know that?"

"And you caused her death?" Amycus continues.

"I'm not going to answer that. Does the Dark Lord—"

"And then you killed Avery for revenge?" Alecto says.

"I stabbed him to death, much like I'm going to do to the two of you if you don't stop interrogating me. How do you know all of this?"

"Do you know your mother's real name?"

"No."

"Do you know your father's real name?"

"No." They exchange an annoyed look.

"Do you know what either of them might have looked like?" Amycus asks.

"No."

"Do you have a problem with our questions?" Alecto asks, a gross smirk on her face.

"Yes! Why're you asking all of this? Why does it matter? Who're you working for? Who told you all of this?"

"You're free to leave now," Alecto says.

"Who's forcing you to ask me all of this? Neither of you could've figured any of this out by yourself. Who told you to ask me these things?"

Amycus whips out his wand. "Leave now."

"So there is someone in charge of you?" The Death Eaters stand to their feet, both now pointing their wands at me. "That's a resounding 'yes.' Are you on a limited timeframe? Is that why you've dropped all pretext and started asking about—"

"Leave, Miss Rodgers. We know how many classes you've missed because of your duty, and we'd hate for you to miss another on our account."

"Oh, I'm sure you would," I mutter, leaving and closing the door behind me. I guess they realized Veritaserum is not going to work one me and decided to go a different route of just bombarding me with questions and hoping I'm caught off guard. At least now I can tell Severus that the Carrows are indeed working for someone else. They are not acting of their own accord. But now is not the time for declaring my victory to Severus. This is the time when I must go to Transfiguration.

I take a seat next to Daphne who looks like she wants to question me about the Carrows whisking me away but refrains from doing so in class. I silently thank her for that.

Once we leave McGonagall's classroom—honestly I couldn't tell you what we're being taught if my life depended on it—I pull Daphne behind, out of earshot of the rest of the students up ahead. "I'll be spending two weekends away from Hogwarts this month," I tell her.

"He hasn't started trying more often, has he?"

"No, but my mother wants to spend my birthday weekend with me. Could you help cover for me with the others?"

"You can count on me," she says.

"Great, thanks."

We fall silent after that and listen as McGonagall goes over Human Transfiguration.

I try to seem like I'm upset, trying to make it appear that this next task of mine is one that I don't want to do when deep down I actually am somewhat excited about it. Then I push Severus's door open and enter, my rucksack slung over my back. "Evening, Professor," I say weakly.

He looks up at me. "Evening, Charlotte. Are you nearly ready?"

"I'm not sure I want to do this," I lie. Part of my truly wants to spend time with my mum on my birthday. It'll be the first time I've ever had this chance.

"Unfortunately, there is nothing we can do to stop this. If the Dark Lord believes Bellatrix can change your mind about your duty, he will allow her to have free reign in attempting to do just that."

I huff. "I…I just don't like being forced to do things." Except I'm not really being forced into this. I hate lying to him, I truly do, but what would he do if he learnt that I still enjoy spending time with my Death Eater mother after all he's done to try to stop that? I doubt he would fully trust me as he seems to now, and I don't want to lose that trust because it's so important to me. It holds me together, really, to know that I can trust him with my life and that he seems to trust me more than anyone else in this castle.

"Perhaps if you play nice, he won't attempt to kill you when you have the baby. If you can act like Bellatrix when it comes to your duty, the Dark Lord might opt to make you a Death Eater rather than end your life," he says. I grimace, and he raises his hands submissively. "I realize that was slightly—"

"No, no. I wish that could happen. It's just…he said that he had to kill me in order to put a piece of his soul in the child."

He inhales sharply as if just kicked in the gut. I suppose this is one of those topics neither of us is really ever up to talking about. "Perhaps if you can convince Bellatrix that you're beginning to believe that your duty is not a curse, the Dark Lord might not be so abusive."

"You really think that?" I whisper, not letting myself believe for a second that such an idea might even remotely be true.

"It's possible."

I have a sudden urge to be held in his comforting arms, but I refuse to make a move like that when the portraits can see me. So instead I wrap my own arms around myself, the weight of my bag on my back shifting and making me aware of its presence again. It makes me feel weighted down, like I won't just up and disappear, like it's holding me to Hogwarts and won't let me be taken away without a fight. I take a shaky breath and watch him closely. "I guess I should be leaving soon. I doubt Bellatrix will appreciate being kept waiting."

Severus nods solemnly. It's clear that he really does not want me going this weekend, but there is nothing he can do to stop it. And would I even want him to stop it if he could?

"I guess I'll see you when I return, Professor."

"Take care of yourself."

"I mean, I'll do my best," I say with a smile.

"That's all I ask. Happy Birthday, Charlotte."

I grin at him, and with that I Disapparate, an odd feeling of sadness consuming me when I open my eyes in Malfoy Manor though I don't know why I feel this way. I am actually looking forward to spending my birthday with my mother, so this hollowness in my chest makes absolutely no sense to me.

Two arms throw themselves around me and nearly knock me down. "Happy Birthday!" is all I hear for a moment. When I am released, I see Draco smiling at me.

"Thanks." I give his upper arm a squeeze, smiling again, that emptiness evaporating.

He waves his wand. "I have something for you, actually."

"No, please don't—"

He shushes me and hands over a small package. "Put it in your bag and open it later."

"You don't want me to open in front of you? So you can watch my face as I see the gift you've given me?"

"I think I'll be okay. You're not the type to enjoy opening gifts in front of others, that much I know for sure." Draco places his hand on my back. "Now, let's go, you're needed somewhere else in the manor."

"Should I be nervous? Terrified? Perhaps a mixture of both?"

"Perhaps a mixture of both." He leads me through the manor and down to the basement, and I immediately know where he's taking me, though what I don't know is why my mother would have had Draco escort me to her room rather than come retrieve me herself. I want to ask him but am afraid it'll ruin this easy companionship we have right now. "So how are classes going?"

"Don't ask. I miss so many days now, it's ridiculous. Oh, and the Carrows have taken to questioning me for some unknown reason. But don't tell anyone, yeah? I'd rather not be questioned more."

"What sorts of things do they ask you?"

I shrug. "About my past and whatnot, but I've been lying about that for so long that it's second nature to lie to them. It's not a big deal. Just frustrating. They really enjoy wasting my time."

"If it's a problem, write to me and I'll inform Bellatrix or something and get her opinion on what we should do. Does that work?"

"Meaning you'll see if she can scare them into stopping?"

He grins at me, and we come to a stop in front of Bellatrix's room. "Prepare yourself, Charlotte," he whispers, then knocks on the door before I have a chance to ask why he would say such a thing. Bellatrix calls us in, and we enter.

Sitting beside Bellatrix before the fire, drinking tea, is Voldemort. Does Voldemort actually eat and drink? For some reason this shocks me, and my whole image of him begins to evaporate. "Ah, dear one," he greets me. My mother smiles weakly at me. "Happy Birthday." His voice carries some sort of mockery, and I do all that I can not to shrink away or lash out but rather to remain neutral. "I hope you enjoy your weekend with your mother." He stands and walks toward me. "Tea?" He offers me the small cup from which he had been drinking, and I cannot stop myself from turning my nose up at it. His red eyes flare as if I've offended him some way, and I find myself reaching for the cup against my will. Yet I know that I am not being forced to reach forward like this. I take a sip of the tea without removing my eyes from him, and I hope this is enough of an apology for whatever I did to offend him. Perhaps it is best if I can remain in his good graces. Or whatever can be considered his good graces.

I hand the teacup back, feeling nauseated and disgusted at having drank from the same cup he had been using. "My Lord."

"Charlotte." His lips twitch into an evil, victorious smirk. He disappears from the room, and I release a breath I had not realized that I had been holding.

Once the door closes behind him, my mother's arms are around me tightly. "Happy Birthday, Aurelia," she whispers.

"Hello to you too, Mum," I say, smiling into her shoulder.

"I wish I could do more to help," Draco says quietly. I place a hand on his arm. "I should be going then, I suppose. Happy Birthday, Charlotte." Then he leaves.

I look back at Bellatrix. "Am I to assume that we won't be staying here at the manor?"

She walks to the far side of the room, to the other side of her bed, and picks up a bag. "I wouldn't make you stay here with Death Eaters roaming when I'm sure you've had quite enough of them at Hogwarts. How are they treating you?"

I shrug. "I hate them, but that's to be expected, I guess."

"They haven't hurt you?"

Me? Not on purpose. But I can't very well tell her that I set students free, blamed it on Neville Longbottom, and took the punishment on his behalf. "No, they've been fairly nice to actually. I think they're afraid of me."

"Any Death Eater should be. And Snape?"

"A perfect gentleman."

She seems to think I'm joking, and I don't correct her. Bellatrix hoists her bag onto her shoulder and offers me her hand. I take it willingly, quite happy to be with her, and we Apparate. When we stop moving, I immediately know where we are: Lestrange Cottage. This overwhelming feeling of sorrow and happiness takes over me, and I don't know what I think about it. Here, in this cottage, I spent six months with my mother and father. Here, I began a relatively civil relationship with my mother last Christmas. But everything seems different now, and I don't know why that is.

No, I do know why. Everything changed after Azkaban, and I doubt if it'll ever truly be okay again. I haven't spoken of Azkaban with her, or anything that happened after (though it would be too dangerous to tell her about Severus's attempt to rescue me and how it all happened, especially since even he was confused as to why he appeared in that dream and saved me from Aurelia Lestrange).

I sort of wish Rodolphus was here to celebrate my eighteenth birthday with me. I can't help but feel sorry for him.

"Come on," Bellatrix says to me, pulling me by the hand and into the cottage. My heart leaps. I'm spending my birthday with my mother. And I'm genuinely happy and excited about it.