Krazyasibe: Thanks for reviewing! Charlotte has unhealthy attachments to certain people because of her childhood. She desperately wanted a mother, and now that she has one, she's willing to overlook Bellatrix's bad traits. She's aware that she shouldn't love Bellatrix like this, but she doesn't care. She mentions it briefly in the narration of this chapter.

Ldub: Thanks for reviewing! I think what you're hoping for will come later and much differently than how everything went down in the last chapter. I won't say when that'll happen though, but eventually you'll get that moment you're waiting for!

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The next chapter should be up next week at some point

CHAPTER 34

I sit on the sofa, facing my mother who dozed off to sleep not long ago. Though I want to go to the room I've claimed and sleep on the bed, another, almost larger, part of me doesn't want to leave her alone. I'm leaving tomorrow morning and quite frankly am unprepared to do so. Rabastan's words still float around in my mind when things get too quiet.

He doesn't believe it's you.

He'll come around.

I just have to find the proof.

My uncle, trying valiantly to convince my father that I am Aurelia. But how does he know? Who told him? Was it his father who claims to have been there when I killed Avery's father?

What was it that Rodolphus said when he had to babysit me at the manor? That's right, his father died recently. Was killed. Did he die because he knows who I am? Did he die because the Dark Lord found out that his secret—me, my parentage—had been discovered? Am I the reason my grandfather is dead?

For a long moment I debate waking Mum and confessing to her what Rabastan said to me yesterday, confessing so that I can ask these questions that now dance around my mind. But I know it's safest not to. As much as I love her and cherish my relationship with her, on this topic she cannot be trusted. She would tell her lord and master, and where would that leave me? Royally fucked, that's where. Why do you even want to be around her, Charlotte? She tortured you! Yeah, but she's saved me since then and protected me and healed me when Avery attacked me. She loves me, and I love her, so I can forgive her for what she's done to me. For too long I've wanted my mother in my life, and I'm not going to squander my one chance at a relationship with my mum because she makes some bad choices. I make bad choices too—I Cruciated Umbridge; I attacked Severus on multiple occasions; I locked Alecto in a closet for more than twenty-four hours. I make bad choices just like she does, and therefore I will forgive her. Continuously. Because she means too much to me to hate her forever for her mistakes.

I just wish I could confide in her about Rabastan. But that can never be because it would get back to the Dark Lord. I know these things. If I can keep certain aspects of my life at a distance from her, our relationship can be great.

As for trying to find someone to confide in about what Rabastan has said, the answer is obvious: Severus. Severus will be a good person to share this information with. In fact, he might be able to answer a few of these questions. And if not, it'd be nice either way to discuss this matter with someone other than myself.

I desperately wish I would've taken action when Rodolphus and Rabastan arrived, when Rabastan said those fated words to me. Had I but half a brain during that, I would've grabbed Rabastan by the arm and Disapparated, taken him somewhere far off and made him answer all my questions while Rodolphus and Bellatrix either initiated a long-awaited fight or worked together to find where I had gone. Things would've been so much different had I simply thought about the possibilities laid before me by Rabastan's words.

Or you could've caused both his and your father's deaths.

I hate this. This position I've been forced into, this life I have to cope with.

My eyes close of their own volition, and I take a deep breath. Everything will be okay. Everything will be fine. It simply has to be. That's the only way I can survive, of course.

I slide closer to Mum and put my hand on her shoulder, then give it a slight shake. "Mum," I say quietly. "Mum." Her eyes fly open, and she looks as if she's ready to attack, but she calms down once she realizes that I'm the one waking her up. "Come on. Don't sleep on the couch." She lets me pull her to her feet, and we make our way to the bedroom. She falls back asleep almost immediately, but I can't seem to sleep.

I find myself staring at her, drinking in my time with her even though she's asleep. Once Voldemort succeeds at his goal of impregnating me, my life will be over. I'll die shortly after, and these quiet moments will be gone. I'll never be able to see her again. I'll never see her take care of my child. She'll be a grandmother. Perhaps she'll be able to raise my son as if she were his mother. Perhaps she will get a second chance, one that she never really got with me. She'll get to be a mother again, raise a child.

But would I want the child to be raised by her? She'll likely poison his mind with the pureblood supremacy that she believes in so fiercely.

What would Severus do if he learned that my child was being cared for by Bellatrix Lestrange? How would he react?

I'd rather not know. I think it would just make me sad, most likely.

At some point I drift off to sleep.

The next morning, over breakfast, Bellatrix seems to be searching for any reasonably normal conversation and asks, "What's Hogwarts been like for you this year?"

"Rough, to be honest," I admit.

"What's happened?"

I feel strange talking with her as if we were a normal family. "Other than the looming thought of my duty? Well, I lied before—the Carrows are not the most gracious of hosts."

This information obviously angers her, her knuckles turning white as she tightens her grip on her fork. "What have they been doing?"

"Well, Dumbledore's Army has begun to resist them, and Snape came up with the idea of having me as a spy so the Carrows can keep tabs on the students. But when I don't know anything about the D.A.—because they don't always share everything—the Carrows get rather restless with me."

"What do they do to you, Aurelia?"

"Well, Amycus has upgraded from shouting to hitting," I say quietly. "Just the other day he hit me across the face because I didn't have an answer for him."

Her face turns red with fury. "What?"

"I know, it was awful," I say, suddenly hoping to tell her everything so that she might have the Carrow twins punished, a strange and warm happiness spreading into my chest at the idea of her seeking them out to punish them. They deserve it. "I warned them not to, because of the Dark Lord and all, but they threatened me if I told him."

I smile when Bellatrix says, "I'll make sure the Dark Lord is informed of what has happened. They won't harm you again." The Carrows will learn soon enough not to mess with me. "What else has been happening?"

"Crabbe and Goyle tried killing me."

Her face drops. "Hogwarts is supposed to be safe for you!"

"They tried killing me two years ago but failed, and they came back to finish the job. They wanted revenge for me killing Avery when I was ten."

"What did you do?"

"The only thing I could do: I told them I was important to the Dark Lord."

She nods. "I'll also make sure that he knows you are in danger. That won't go unaddressed. You'll be fine."

"Thanks. I told Snape before I left."

"The Dark Lord will likely inform him to keep a closer watch on you. Your safety is one of the most important things to him. And me."

I smile at her, and we fall into a pleasant quietness until a few minutes later when I say, "Can I ask you something?"

"Yes," she says uneasily, no doubt troubled because of my many questions from earlier.

"If something happens to me—"

"It won't. The Dark Lord wants you safe. Nothing will happen to you."

"But just say something happens to me. I need you to promise me something."

She nods.

"If I am no longer around, Mum, I need you…I need to know that any child that comes from this…duty…will be cared for. I need to know that he will be loved, even if not by me. Promise me that you will love him the way you loved me when I was a child."

"Nothing's going—"

"MUM!" I take a deep breath to calm myself. "I…I'm sorry," I whisper. "I didn't mean…it just…I didn't mean to shout at you. It's just…I need you to promise me…just…just in case." I close my eyes. "Please promise me that you will be the mum to him that you wanted to be to me."

"He'll be your child, my grandchild. Of course I'll take care of him if something happens to you, though I don't believe it will."

I nod. "Thank you."

Not long after that, we're cleaning up our plates, and she begins making some more tarts ("to take back with you"). My stomach turns at the thought of more of them right now, but my taste buds dance with happy anticipation. "What are you going to name him, this child of yours that you want me to look after?" she asks me.

I take my spot on the counter again while she prepares the sweet treats. "I don't know. Why?"

"Because my grandson must have a strong name," she says. "He must have a name that carries meaning, something that strikes fear into the heart of his enemies."

"Such as?"

She stops the tart preparation and is quiet for a few moments. "I don't know. But we have time."

"Would you prefer a grandson or granddaughter?"

"Why not one of each?"

I bite back my sudden fury. "What?"

"You don't think the Dark Lord will make you die alone, do you? He wants you to marry and have the next generation of Death Eaters. Has he not told you?"

As much as I want to, I cannot tell her that Voldemort intends on murdering me when it is all said and done. "When did he tell you this?"

"We spoke about it not too long ago," she says. "But I guess it would be a rather poorly thought-out idea for you to marry either Crabbe or Goyle, seeing as they tried killing you. Theodore Nott is at Hogwarts, isn't he? What do you think of him?"

"He's nice enough, I guess. I'll have to marry a pureblood, won't I?" And a "he" considering I have to have the next generation of Death Eaters. Why am I even thinking about this? I know it won't happen. I know I'm going to die.

"It must be a respectable marriage." She says this like it's the most obvious thing in the world, like I should just know that two purebloods would be respectable and anything else would not be.

"Meaning the person has to be a rich, pureblooded Slytherin?"

She looks at me suspiciously. "Who did you have in mind?"

"Well, they're rich, and a Slytherin," I say. "But I wouldn't be able to have children. So I guess it's out of the question." I haven't actually thought about Daphne in this capacity, not really anyway, and I just want to know if Bellatrix would handle it well if I didn't marry a man.

My mother is quiet for a moment, refusing to look at me, and I somewhat expect her to lash out at me. Instead, she says, "You wouldn't be the first Death Eater to have a marriage of convenience."

I watch her carefully. "What do you mean?"

"There have been Death Eaters who were…who loved someone who couldn't give them children. Thus came marriages of convenience for some of them. They had to have children because the Dark Lord required them to produce new Death Eaters. He didn't care what they did in their personal time so long as they had little Death Eaters to raise and give to him." With the corner of her lips turned up in almost a smile, she looks over at me "And if the whispers are true, Theodore Nott might be willing to enter that type of marriage with you."

I choke on my breath, heat rising to my cheeks. None of this matters, though, because if Voldemort has his way, I'll be dead shortly after having his child. "That's a very Slytherin idea, isn't it? For Death Eaters to enter into marriages of convenience for the sole purpose of producing more Death Eaters?"

"Perhaps. It usually takes a toll on those who do it. The constant lies. But I know you can do it. If that's the route you decide to choose. If Draco's memories were correct during our Occlumency lessons, you dated that blood traitor Weasley boy for a while, didn't you?"

"Yeah, I did," I say quietly. "I was using him to get back at Draco." I hate lying to her.

"That's what I guessed when Draco attacked the two of you. And I must admit that I was proud of you. Using the poor Gryffindor boy like that."

I clear my throat. "I might not need a marriage of convenience. Just…find me the right boy, I guess. Blaise Zabini is out of the question though, because we got into a fight last year."

"I'm sure I'll love to hear that story soon."

"I'm sure you will."

Bellatrix smiles over at me. "Regardless, I know you can survive either way you choose."

Except I don't have a choice about how to survive because Voldemort wants me dead no matter what. I keep this thought to myself.

Not long after, I pull my rucksack onto my shoulder. "Why do I feel as if we never have enough time?" Mum asks quietly.

"I'm not quite sure," I say. "But it always seems like that, doesn't it?" Which is kind of a lie, because at one point I only wanted to get away from her. But things have been changing. Severus will kill me if he finds out how much I've grown to enjoy spending time with my mother this much.

Bellatrix takes my hand, and together we Apparate to Malfoy Manor where we find Draco standing in the drawing room. He quickly takes me into his arms.

"I hope your birthday was great," he says.

"Couldn't have been better."

"Do you have to go back to Hogwarts right now?" he asks.

I nod. "Unfortunately."

"Take care."

"You too."

Bellatrix then pulls me into her embrace. "Goodbye, Aurelia."

"Goodbye, Mum." I Disapparate.

But I do not go to Hogwarts, as I had told them, as it is expected of me. No, this is my chance to be away for a short while. And that is what I am doing. I'm going to Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes. I have money with me and will be buying Christmas gifts.

My heart skips a beat when I look at that joke shop. Despite my desire to turn around and run, I take a deep breath and go toward the door. Once inside I dart through one of the aisles to avoid any awkward, unneeded contact with Fred.

I'm looking at a pair of Sticky Trainers for Christopher when a movement on the second floor catches my eyes. I see Fred walking around, and I scurry behind one of the large chocolate-dispensing machines. I peek through the glass until I see him turn his back. I can't do this to myself. I have to act normal. It's mandatory. So I continue my perusal of the aisles.

In the end, I have gifts for Christopher, Jacob, Ella, Julia, and both of Christopher's little sisters and his little brother, as well as something small for Astoria and Daphne. I approach the counter with my arms full. I don't know who the employee is. I've never met him. He has dark skin and dark hair, but a white smile and light green eyes. "Hi," he greets me. "Getting in some early Christmas shopping?"

"Is it really that early? It's only a month away," I say with a grin. "How long have you been working here?"

"A few months," he says.

"I can take it from here, Henry," a familiar voice says. I close my eyes in frustration. When I open them again, Fred is standing in front of me. "What are you doing out of Hogwarts?"

"I had to spend my birthday weekend with my mother," I say stiffly. "I just decided to get some gifts for some friends before I went back to the castle."

"What are you doing for Christmas? Will you be stuck at Hogwarts?"

"No, I have a friend who invited me to stay with him."

"Would I know him?"

"No, he's a second-year. I began tutoring him last year. He's a sweet boy." I look around the shop. "Do you have any of the Patented Daydream Charms? I tried finding one but couldn't." I don't know why I'm asking this. I still have the one he gave me forever ago.

"We keep them back here," he says as he turns to the wall behind him and grabs one. "We've had people trying to filch them." He sets it down with the rest of my stuff. "You are sixteen, right? You have to be at least sixteen to buy one."

"You're…you're asking me—"

"Only joking. I know how old you are. You turned eighteen last Friday, the twenty-first. How was it, by the way?"

"It was odd, to say the least. My parents had a row and…" I drift off. "Never mind." I don't want my first conversation with Fred in months to be about my parents. Quite frankly, I'm not even sure how I feel about talking to him right now in general. I put my faith in him, and he could not return the favor. Because you were attracted to someone else. "How have you been?"

"I've been well." He clears his throat. "I…heard about Zoe." I close my eyes and swallow through the pain. I thought people just assumed she was missing, not dead. "I truly am sorry, Charlotte. I know I—I know things—I'm sorry for your loss."

"Honestly, Fred, you're the absolute last person I want to discuss Zoe with. I just want to pay for my things and leave."

"Right…right." His face turns a slight red. "Well, take the Daydream Charm. It's on the house."

"I can't do that."

"Sure you can. Consider it a birthday gift."

"I—"

"Just take it," he cuts me off. "Smile, be happy, and take it."

I nod. "Very well then."

"So that comes out to eighteen Galleons and eight Sickles."

"No, it doesn't, Fred"—a smile plays at his lips as I say his name, but I ignore it and let the strange anger it churns in me—"I already priced it. It's nearly thirty Galleons."

He shakes his head. "Not for you."

"I'm not taking any discounts."

"Don't be so difficult, Charlotte!" George laughs, now standing beside me. He gives me a one-armed hug. All I want to do is get out of here as fast as possible. "You're a friend."

"But friends don't deserve discounts."

He smiles. "You've been through a lot."

I have to look away, my perfect excuse being that I have to find the money in my bag. I hand him twenty-five Galleons and say, "Keep the change."

Fred puts all of my purchases in a bag no bigger than my rucksack. "An Undetectable Extension Charm," he says. "Customers love it. No one can judge how much was bought." He ties the top of it in a bow and stretches out his arm to give it to me. As I reach out to grab it, our fingers graze over each other. It only reminds me of the betrayal I felt when he refused to believe me, and a new wave of anger washes over me. This little touch seems to be the light breeze that catches the still-burning embers of my fury with him and ignites them into a full fire again. Even though I have no right to be this angry with him when it was all my fault.

"Thanks," I say voicelessly.

"Anytime."

"See you, Charlotte," George says.

"Goodbye, George."

I start to leave when I hear, very quietly, "Until next time, Charlotte."

"Yeah," I say without looking back at him.

Then I Apparate to Severus's private quarters and find him leaning against the foot of his bed, his ankles and his arms crossed, an impatient look on his face. "Where have you been?" he asks. "You should have arrived back here an hour ago!"

"I'm sorry," I say. "I had a chance to get away for a short while and took it."

He sighs. "Don't let it happen again unless you tell me beforehand. Understood? I can't constantly be worrying whether you are off somewhere getting yourself hurt or worse."

I nod. "I'm sorry." I reach into the bag and pull out the Daydream Charm and toss it to him. "I got something for you."

He turns it over in his hand, then smirks. "When will I ever use this?"

"I don't know. I just thought it'd be good for you if you ever needed to escape the real world."

He walks over and places it on the table beside the sofa. "I appreciate the thought."

I place the bag full of gifts on the sofa. "Can I hide this in here until Christmas?"

"That's a month away."

"Exactly, anyone could find it in the dorm. I don't want to risk it."

"You're paranoid, you know."

"With good reason."

He chuckles quietly, then becomes serious. "Something's happened."

"Rabastan claims to know who I am and is looking for proof for Rodolphus." His eyebrows raise, and I give him a quick rundown of Rabastan's short conversation—if it could even be called a conversation.

Severus crosses his arms when I finish, almost like he's pondering something. "What have the Carrows been asking you recently?"

"Last time they stuck with questions about my family."

"You mentioned that you fear that the Carrows are under the orders of someone in the Inner Circle. Though I still have my doubts, I guess it's possible," he says, "that Rabastan authorized their use of Veritaserum against you. What better way to get proof than from you yourself?"

"But if it's not him, then that means someone wants to know the things about me that the Dark Lord is trying to hide."

"If what you say is true—that they're trying to find out everything about you—I'm sure in time we'll be able to figure out who has authorized the questioning. The best thing we can hope for now is that it is truly Rabastan trying to figure out if you're Aurelia. That'll put you in the least amount of danger."

I guess that's the only answer I can accept for now.