Krazyasibe: Thanks for reviewing! I hope this next chapter keeps you wanting more!

CHAPTER 35

Perhaps because I don't really want Friday to arrive, before I know it, it's Friday night and I'm standing in the Clock Tower Courtyard, waiting for Neville and Ginny and Luna to arrive so we can set their theft plans into motion. They will attempt to steal the Sword of Gryffindor tonight, and yet I believe I am more nervous than they will be. I don't want to squander Severus's trust in me, but I feel like this is something that I simply have to do. If I don't do my best to help Harry defeat Voldemort, what good am I? And this is the only way to get the sword to him without Severus being incriminated, so I have to do it, right? I have no choice?

When the three thieves finally make an appearance, I rush from the place in the shadows and meet them, my heart already straining at the idea of betraying the headmaster like this. "You're sure he'll be gone tonight?" Ginny asks quietly as we leave the courtyard.

"Absolutely."

"Do you know the password?" Neville asks.

"Yes, it's 'Cokeworth.'"

"Like the town?" Ginny says.

I nod.

"My father says there was once a sighting of a Crumple-Horned Snorkack there, but then they all went to Sweden. He's been trying to find one ever since," Luna says.

I open my mouth to ask what that is but decide it's probably best not to. With the way her father is, it's entirely possible that such a creature does not even exist. "You remember the times you are allowed to break in?"

"Before eleven-ten, after eleven-oh-five," Neville says.

"Yeah, and try to be quiet. If Snape comes back early and ends up going to his private quarters, he might hear you. And I believe we all know that his finding you is not the best thing."

"Where does he take you, and why wouldn't he stay for a while?" Luna asks.

"He takes me to Malfoy Manor. Depending on who is waiting for my arrival, he stays to speak with them."

"They keep you under a close watch, don't they?" Neville says.

"Yeah. Anyway, you know the time we have to meet and the password. Now I have to run and cover some bases. I probably won't be seeing you until Sunday or Monday most likely. Good luck."

I nod to them and dash away, headed back to the Slytherin Dungeon to kill some time before I have to go betray Severus.

The Disillusionment Charm assists me in sneaking across the common room without being seen and therefore not having to answer questions. Unfortunately, the moment I lie down in my bed, the charm removed, the curtain is thrown open to reveal Daphne grinning broadly at me. "I knew I saw the door open. No one else believed me, and yet here you are. Wait…what are you doing in here? Why aren't you down in the common room?"

I wave her in, and she climbs onto my bed, pulling the curtain closed behind her. Then I wave my wand and put spells around us to keep what I'm about to say hidden from any nosy ears. "Because I'm fretting something that I have to do in a few hours."

"Go to Malfoy Manor?"

"Betray someone who trusts me."

Her brows furrow, and she slides closer to me, quietly telling me to pull my legs under myself, which I do. She sits close enough for our knees to touch. "Who are you betraying?"

I lean against the headboard and fold my hands in my lap. "Not you, don't worry," I say with a grin.

"What a relief."

"I'm just…this person means a great deal to me, and I'm risking everything, basically throwing it all away. And for what? The slight chance that it may help Harry Potter on his quest to defeat the Dark Lord? What if it doesn't work and then I've ruined one of the best things in my life?"

"But it's more of a chance of helping him then you had before, right? What if it does work, and all of this ends sooner because of it?"

"But at what cost?"

"If this person truly means a lot to you, then I'm sure you mean a great deal to them. They'll forgive you."

"You sound so certain."

"Because I am." She reaches forward and takes my hand, then squeezes it softly. "Besides, what can you possibly do that would be bad enough to lose a friend forever?"

Steal the Sword of Gryffindor. That seems pretty bad to me, honestly. But I don't mention that to her. "Charlotte, seriously," she says, moving closer to the top of my bed, forcing me to slide away over and make room for her, "you're the type of person who does bad things for good reasons." Oh, if only that were true. "Whoever your friend is, they'll forgive you."

I straighten my legs next to hers and sigh. "It still doesn't make it any easier, you know?" I don't want to hurt him.

Daphne reaches over and takes my hand in hers. "It could be worse, you know. It could be a lot worse. It could be a selfish betrayal for no righteous reasons."

I open my eyes and glance over at her and become aware of how close her face is to mine. Heat rises to my cheeks, and I quickly look away from her. I release my hold on her hand but do not pull it away, then sink down onto the bed and turn my back to her. "You don't have to stay and watch me debate my decision, Daphne. There's no way that can be interesting when you can be with our friends in the common room."

Daphne slides down beside me and drapes an arm around me, and a smile actually comes to my face. "I'm not leaving you in your time of need, Charlotte. You don't need to be alone right now, you're hurting."

Later I am awoken by the boisterous noise of Pansy and the other seventh year girls entering the dormitory, and I flinch at the sound, my eyes flying open in panic because I could very well be running late. The first thing I register is how close I am to Daphne—I'm now turned toward her, our faces less than a hand's length away, her eyes slowly struggling to open. Her arms are around me, and one of my hands rests on her hip. I slide away from her quickly, and it seems to jolt her awake.

"I have to go," I whisper, casting the Disillusionment Charm over myself.

Daphne smiles in my general direction. "Good luck."

I leave the room as fast as possible and rush to the second floor girls' bathroom where I check my pocket watch and find that I have two minutes to spare. I use those two minutes to steady my breathing so I don't show up in Severus's chamber breathing as if I just ran four miles. When at long last the time is right, I Apparate to his private quarters, butterflies in my stomach as I think about what Neville, Luna, and Ginny will be attempting shortly.

Severus is not waiting for me when I arrive, and my stomach plummets, my breath catching. What if he doesn't show up? What if he's running just late enough to catch the three thieves? I start pacing behind the sofa, the fireplace crackling pleasantly, a noise that should comfort me but just isn't right now. The three of them trusted me, and I have failed them. Two minutes pass. They're going to get caught, and it's my fault.

Just when the panic reaches its way to my lungs and makes it hard to breathe, the door opens, and in walks Severus. Suddenly all of my worrying seems so foolish. Of course he wouldn't forget the time and stay out there when he knows I'm in here preparing to go see Voldemort in a few short hours. I sigh in relief when I see him. Severus closes the door and looks at his own watch. "Charlotte, I'm only three minutes late." He must've heard me sigh.

"But late nonetheless."

"Forgive me," he says with a sarcastic smirk. "Next time, I will make sure to be more punctual." He clears his throat. "I need to finish speaking with Albus, but I didn't want you to think I had forgotten."

Wait, he's leaving? This can't be happening. I take a step closer to him and will the tears to come. It doesn't really take much. His brow furrows, likely because he sees the look on my face. "Charlotte, what's happened?"

"Professor, Bellatrix does not know that I am to die after I have the child. She thinks I'm supposed to marry some pureblood and produce Death Eaters. That's what the Dark Lord has told her. What…what am I supposed to say to her when…?" I look away from him. "I'm scared. Should I tell her and risk torture? Do you think she'll even care if I die?"

"You will not die, Charlotte. I promise you I will not let you die." I wrap my arms around him and no longer have to will the tears to attack. They flow freely now as he holds me securely and rests his cheek on the top of my head. The feeling I had when Daphne held my hand ignites again, followed by an overwhelming guilt that the D.A. will be robbing him shortly. "You won't die, Charlotte. I'll do everything in my power to make sure that you live through this."

And I somehow know that he is telling me the truth, that he'll do all he can to make sure that I live through this and that I see Voldemort die. My heart begins racing. He doesn't want me to die.

Am I willing to risk my friendship, my camaraderie with Snape, for them to steal the sword? But I wouldn't really be risking it for that, would I? I'd be risking it for Harry to have the chance to kill Voldemort. I pull away from him and look up at him. "Thank you. I believe you," I say. "I know you'll do everything you can to help me." He somewhat smiles at me, a promise to do his best to save me, and it means the world to me that he is willing to help me in this battle against Lord Voldemort.

He moves away from me, heading toward his office door, and in that moment I make a decision. I grab his hand and give it a slight tug to turn him back toward me. "Wait," I say quietly. "Don't leave me yet."

"I'll be back." I still don't release him, and he looks down at me with a somewhat confused look on his face. "Charlotte, what's going on?"

"I know you say you'll do your best to keep me from dying," I say. "But I'm still fearful."

"It won't come to that. I assure you, you'll not die because of this."

A great peace comes over me when I hear his words. I believe him, and I trust him, and I feel safe in his presence. I reach up quickly, wrap my arms around his neck, and pull his lips down to mine. A tightness in my chest settles into a warm happiness, and though Severus is tense for what feels like a long moment, his arms slowly slide around my waist and pull me closer to him. My heart leaps in my chest, and I start backward toward his bedroom.

"What are you—"

"What kind of question is that?" I ask as the backs of my legs hit his mattress. I boost myself onto to it and wrap my legs around his waist.

"Charlotte, you don't—" I bring his lips back to mine, running my hands over his chest, sliding my tongue across his lips. "Charlotte," he says, placing his hands on my shoulders and gently pushing me away from him, "you don't owe me anything. You don't have to—"

"But what if I want to?" I ask quietly, knowing in that moment that it's true. That I want to do this. I don't know how long this feeling has been in my chest, but now that I have acknowledged it, it flares stronger. I tighten my legs around his waist, inching us closer together. "What if I want to?" I trail my hand across his chest. "What if…what if I want—what if I want you?"

"You don't want—"

"Yes, I do. I think I've known it for a while."

Something in his eyes shifts, and he leans forward to capture my lips with his. I offer no resistance, smiling into his kiss and reveling in the feeling of his hands on my back. I pull away from him only to help remove my robes, leaving behind that annoying uniform and his robes between us. I reach for the top button on his robes, but he makes a noise that stops me. His gaze bears into the Slytherin tie loosely tied around my neck, his hand moving to the knot, his thumb grazing over it before something pulls him from his trance. "Charlotte," he says softly, "this can't—we can't—you're a student!" He places his hands on the mattress on either side of my hips and shakes his head.

By now I'm sure the Sword of Gryffindor is gone, which means I have completed my task of distracting him, but I don't want to stop now. I don't know what's happened to me. No, I know exactly what's happened—I just don't want to admit it to myself.

I grab the front of his robes and smile up at him. "We've been over this before. I'm not a real student." I remove his hand from my tie and pull it loose, then drop it to the floor. "See, I just dress as the students—but I'm not one. I'm a prisoner here, sent by the Dark Lord. Just like you. You're not really the headmaster. You're just as much of a captive as I am."

For a second he smirks, but then his head drops. "You're not in a good place, Charlotte. I can't—"

"Severus, this right now—this is the happiest I have felt in a really long time. I'm not always in a good place, but right now I am." His gaze softens. "Do you really think there isn't a reason I saw you rescuing me from Azkaban when I had to fight Aurelia? The part of me that cares for you is what stopped Aurelia from winning that day. More than anything—more than wanting to keep my happy life and happy memories and live a life of peace—more than any of that, I wanted to be myself and be around you. You're the most important person in my life, and I want this. I want you."

Gently I place my hand on his cheek.

"I'm not someone you should want, Charlotte. I'm not—"

"You're exactly the kind of person I should want, Severus." I take his hand and place it on my breast, just above my heart. He closes his eyes. "Do you want to continue?"

He swallows, then breathes, "Yes."

Our lips meet again, and for the first time in weeks, my heart is light and happy. He means so much more to me than I could ever have imagined. His hands fiddle with the topmost buttons of my shirt while I pull it free from my skirt.

I don't know why it took me so long to realize that he's—

Loud glass shattering his office startles me, and he pulls away from me, his eyes dark. "Charlotte—"

I lash out and grab the front of his robes tightly when he tries to move away. "Wait, I'm sure—"

His jaw clenched, he places his hands over mine and forces me to release my hold on him. "I'm sure it was nothing," I try again.

But he is already turning toward the door to his office. "Hurry!" someone shouts.

Severus does not look at me as he rushes toward away, and in an instant I have cast the Disillusionment Charm over myself to follow the headmaster into his office, my heart heavy and growing angry with those three idiots for being so loud.

The case that once held the Sword of Gryffindor is smashed open, the sword gone. I catch sight of Severus's robes as he darts out of his office's open door. As quickly as I can, I take off after him.

"Stop!" he shouts. I reach the bottom of the staircase in time to see Severus whip out his wand and hit all three of the students with the Impediment Jinx. Calmly he walks to them and snatches the sword off the floor. "Well, well," his voice floats over to me. "Longbottom, Weasley, and Lovegood—why am I not surprised? Just where were you planning on taking the sword? To your friend, Potter? Do you know where he is?"

They all remain stoically quiet.

"I do not appreciate students stealing my things."

"It isn't yours!" Neville barks.

"Is it not? I am headmaster now, and as headmaster of Hogwarts—"

"That means nothing!" Ginny interrupts him. "Professor Dumbledore left that sword to Harry!"

"And why would he do that? The sword was not Dumbledore's to give away."

"And Dumbledore wouldn't have had to give it away if you had not killed him!" Neville shouts.

"That Gryffindor…courage…has poisoned your mind with ludicrous thoughts of your own invincibility," he says. "I feel it only right that we break down that courage and put you in your proper place." He looks up. "Ah, Amycus, Alecto, perfect timing—take these three down to Hagrid's. They will serve their detention in the Forbidden Forest with the oaf." The Carrow twins, though I have no idea how they knew something was happening, take the three away.

Severus then starts back up to his office, and I run ahead of him, straight into his private chamber. Breathing heavily and trying to convince myself that this is not as bad as it seems, I remove the Disillusionment Charm and sit back down on the bed where he left me. I rest my elbows on my knees and rest my head in my hands, trying to breathe evenly.

The door creaks as he pushes it further open, but I do not look up at him. "You knew." It is not a question; it is a statement. "You told them the password, didn't you?" His voice comes from the other side of the room, as if he is trying to stay far away from me. I can't say I blame him.

"Yes," I breathe. "I—"

"Do not make excuses for yourself."

"I'm sorry, I—"

"Get out."

I finally look up at him, my vision blurry with tears. This is exactly what I didn't want to have happen. If I get my hands on those three— "Please, you have to believe me, I—"

"Believe you? After what you—" He stops himself and crosses his arms in front of his chest. "You expect me to believe after—" He just gestures toward me, and the shame I feel nauseates me. "Do you realize what could have happened to them had the Carrows caught them? Do you realize what could have happened had we—" He rubs his hand over his mouth, the look in his eye enough to kill me.

"I didn't—"

"I trusted you, Charlotte," he says, his voice weak. I hold his gaze for a moment, and I see for the first time the hurt in his eyes. "You—you're—the only real friend I have left, the only one who knows the truth about me, and you—you tried seducing me to allow your fellow student to steal from me! To steal the Sword of Gryffindor! Do you have any idea what could have happened had—"

"They thought they could get it to Harry and—"

"I don't care about them!" Again he pauses and takes a breath to calm himself. "You're the only living person who knows the truth about me, and you've betrayed me. And for what? You could have just told me what was happening, and I would have explained—you didn't—what you've done—"

"No, I—"

"Get out."

"What am—"

"Get out of the headmaster's chambers. Get out."

"Where am I supposed to go?"

"I don't give a damn!"

"But what about Malfoy Manor?"

"You'll go there tomorrow like every other month."

"Then what am I supposed to do tonight? I can't just go back to the Slytherin Dungeon! I can't sneak out in the morning! Daphne knows where I go and she knows I'm gone already!"

"Sleep in the girls' bathroom if you're that worried about being seen! Just get out!"

I slide off his bed and snatch my robes off the floor. "You want me to sleep in the bathroom?" I ask, incredulous, though I really should not be considering all that I have done in the past half hour.

"I don't care where you sleep," he answers coldly. "You just cannot stay in here."

A new fury bursts in me, and I take a step toward him, blinded by rage though I am unsure why I am so angry. You know why. If there's a chance of having his child rather than Voldemort's… "Fuck you, Severus. I did what I had to do to help Harry destroy the Dark Lord. But I guess trying to get this over with quickly doesn't mean much to you, does it? You're not the one who is tortured every month, so of course you don't see where I'm coming from, how could you? I did what I thought was necessary to get the sword to Harry so he—"

"I don't care that you were trying to help Potter," he says quietly. "I care that you manipulated my trust in you for your own purposes. Now I need you to leave my chambers immediately."

"I wasn't trying to manipulate you! I was—"

"I don't want to hear another word from you."

"Please, just—I didn't lie—I do—"

"Get out."

I watch him for just a moment, my heart cracking. A familiar feeling really. I don't want to leave him—I want to explain to him that I wasn't lying to him. Yes, I did go about this poorly, but I wasn't lying to him. When his face grows angrier, I Apparate, not bothering to try saying another word to him.

The bathroom is quiet and lonely, and I walk over to the sink and crawl under it, bunching up my robes to use it as a pathetic pillow. I've ruined everything. Severus Snape is the closest friend I have ever had, and I destroyed our friendship in half an hour. How could I? How could I put Harry Potter above the only person who knows everything about me, the only person who has been by my side since Voldemort began hurting me? How could I hurt the person who had to murder one of the only friends of his adult life?

I'm disgusting. Everything that happens to me is completely deserved.

I fall into a fitful, nightmare-riddled sleep.