EmilyCMalfoy: Thanks for reviewing! I'm not an author yet but might debate trying some day, I don't know. Thanks for being so encouraging! I'm sorry it took so long to finally update. Life has been incredibly hectic. I love the Daphne/Charlotte ship name btw. What's your story called?

Fmh: Thanks for reviewing! Yeah, Voldemort's lack of empathy definitely caused him to not take into all these different ways to subdue Charlotte. I admire Charlotte too. She makes so many mistakes but wants to correct them, which is better than just pretending it didn't happen.

PineappleBearr: Thanks for reviewing! I hope Snape gets better toward Charlotte too! As for what might happen, I'm not even 100% certain. Charlotte kinda took over and deviated from the original plan. I know how the story will end, but I'm not sure what exactly will happen before we get there. I know vaguely what will happen between them, but it might change depending on how the story progresses, so I can't really say too much right now. Sorry for the bad answer here!

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Sorry for the delay. It's been a crazy few weeks. I'm not really happy with how this chapter turned out, but I don't have time to keep fiddling with it, so here it is!

CHAPTER 38

I lean back against the wall just beside the gargoyle statue and let out a loud huff. "Shit." I never should have brought Lily into this. That was almost worse than my original mistake. With a short breath, I turn back around and try the password again, but the statue does not move. Severus has already changed it. The thought sends my heart spiraling downward. I've fucked it all up.

But I have to pull myself together because Ginny needs me right now.

So I cast the Disillusionment Charm over myself and make my way to the dungeons. With any luck, both of the Carrows will be there and they will not have started their torture yet. That might be asking for too much, but I can dream. Because what kind of life would I live if I could not dream?

Oh wait, I do know what kind of life that would be. I had one once. And I'm headed toward that kind of life again, which is odd because I never thought I'd care so much for Severus imagining a life without him seems almost as bad as the life I lived before Lucius captured me.

I can hear Amycus yelling at Ginny before I even make it to the torture dungeon. "Who helped you?"

"I already told you I did it myself," Ginny says calmly.

"You expect me to believe that you did this all by yourself? How foolish do you think I am?"

"Just because you aren't smart enough to pull something like that off by yourself does not mean I can't." There is a distinct sound of someone being smacked, followed by mocking laughter. But the laughter does not come from Amycus. It comes from Ginny as she says, "You think hitting me will make me change my story? I grew up with six brothers! I'm not afraid of a little bit of pain."

"Perhaps we can change your mind," Amycus says. "Crucio!"

Ginny shrieks in agony, which gives me the extra adrenaline I need to get to her faster. I sprint to the room where the Carrows always do their torturing, burst into the room, and Stun Amycus. Alecto is nowhere to be found. Hopefully she's in her office. It'll make this whole thing easier. "I am so sorry," I say to Ginny. "I should have been here sooner!"

"It's fine. Just put an end to this before they get too carried away like they did when you were Neville." I catch her eye for a moment. I suppose I don't actually care that she knows the truth about that.

"Give me just a minute." I cast the Disillusionment Charm over Amycus and myself, lift him into the air with a wave of my wand, and take him with me back to Alecto's office.

As I had quietly hoped, the Carrow sister is sitting at her desk. I drop Amycus onto the floor in front of the desk. She looks up, having heard the thump. I point my wand at her and Stun her. Then I use the skills that will one day make me a successful Obliviator to modify her memories and Amycus's memories.

Both of them will remember punishing Ginny to the fullest extent with the Cruciatus Curse. I remove the Disillusionment Charm from Amycus, use my wand to put him in the chair across from Alecto, and quickly leave.

My next task is to liberate Ginny, which is the only important thing right now. By the time I get back down to the dungeons, she is pulling at her chains, frustrated by being locked up for so long without being able to get out. "I should have been here sooner," I say again, removing the charm from myself. "This is all my fault. And really I should have thought about freeing you before taking Amycus away. I'm sorry. I'm not thinking straight today."

"I'm fine, Charlotte," she assures me as I remove her chains. "But will they come back for me?"

"No, they believe they tortured until you pleaded for mercy. You're in the clear."

She grins at me. "Brilliant."

I offer her my hand and help her to her feet. "Get back to the Gryffindor Tower before the Carrows wake up."

We bid each other goodbye and make our way to our separate common rooms, but now that all of my distractions are behind me, Severus comes back to my mind, and my heart breaks again. With a frustrated groan that comes out as more of a broken sob, I smack the wall as hard as I can. I can't go another night with him not speaking to me, so with a reluctant spirit I make my way back up the stairs with the Disillusionment Charm protecting me from any prying eyes. Not that the charm was even needed. I see no one as I work my way up to McGonagall's office.

Once there, I remove the charm, bang my fist on the door three times, and wait patiently for an answer. It doesn't take long before the professor opens it with a look of suspicion and curiosity, but that look fades when she sees me. "Rodgers, what are you doing?"

"I need to speak with you about something, can I come in?"

She moves aside and allows me to enter her office. I take the seat in front of her desk, and she takes her normal seat behind it.

"You were good friends with Professor Dumbledore for many, many years, which means you surely have to know the ins and outs of the Headmaster Tower, right?"

"Why are you asking?"

"Because I need to get into the headmaster's office and I don't know how other than through the gargoyle statue whose password has changed since the last time I went up there and I don't know the new one."

She shifts almost uncomfortably in her chair. "And why would you need to go up there?"

I sigh. "Because I need to speak with Snape. I can't really say why other than it has something to do with…" I drift off, hoping she'll fill in the answer without me having to lie to her. She nods as if she understands, and I'll just let her assume whatever it is that she wants to assume about my reasoning for needing to speak with Severus. "I need to know if there is another way into the tower that bypasses the gargoyle."

"Could you not simply tell the Carrows that you need to speak with Snape? I'm sure they would be able to get you into the tower. Or you could write a note to Snape. I believe you've done that before, haven't you?"

"Se-Snape is currently ignoring and avoiding me."

Her brow furrows.

"I pushed him too far, and he has been refusing to speak with me ever since." She almost seems ready to ask me something, but I quickly add, "It's best that I not speak of it, if you don't mind."

She nods understandingly. "I'm afraid I can't help you get—"

"But I have to speak with him or—" I let that hang there, hating myself for playing on my duty in order to get what I need.

Her eyes become sad, and she looks away from me. "I might have one suggestion." McGonagall stands and goes to her private chambers, then returns with a broom. "No one can know that this was my idea, and it'd be better if you used your skills with the Disillusionment Charm to fly under the radar, so to speak."

I take the proffered broom. "What—"

"Fly to the window and—"

"Break in? Professor, are you suggesting that I break into the Headmaster's Tower?"

"I'm suggesting you do whatever it takes to sort this issue concerning…your duty."

A new wave of guilt washes over me. How dare I use this duty to get her to suggest such things. "Th-thanks, Professor."

"Keep this a secret though, Rodgers."

"It was my idea. No one will ever know that you had a hand in it." I stand and adjust the broom in my grip. An idea strikes me. "I doubt if I'll be able to get out of the castle through the entrance hall right now." My eyes drift to one of the windows in her office, then back to her.

She slightly grins but goes to the window and opens it. "I had nothing to do with this." I doubt she would be so willing to help me break into the headmaster's chambers if she didn't still harbor harsh feelings toward Severus for the part he played in Dumbledore's death.

"Of course, Professor."

Once more I cast the Disillusionment Charm over myself, as well as the broom, but this time I do not go to the Slytherin Dungeon. This time I climb onto the windowsill with the broom under me. "Don't hurt yourself," McGonagall says.

"I would never," I say. Then I fly off on McGonagall's broom.

And I am just as unsteady as I was the one time I ever tried flying. This was undoubtedly one of my absolute worst ideas—well, it wasn't my idea, but it wasn't smart of me to agree to it—but now that I've started it, I have no choice but to continue. I have to speak with Severus. With that in mind I fly, wobbling kind of dangerously, toward the window of the Headmaster's Tower, but he is not in his office. Which makes sense considering the late hour. So, steadying myself for a moment with my hand on the side of the castle, I fly to the window of his private chambers, but before I try to open the window I catch sight of him.

Severus sits on the foot of his bed, his hands in his hair, and all I want to do is comfort him. But I no longer want to just break into his room because that's not the way to go about this. I watch him for a moment until a glass flies from his hand and shatters against the stone wall. The pieces of glass fall to the floor where my Slytherin tie still lies.

Then he looks my way, and I gasp though I know he can't see me, then dart away as fast as I possibly can, heading toward McGonagall's office.

Her window is still open when I arrive, but she isn't there when I fly back inside. I place the broom on her chair and leave quickly, going back to the Slytherin Dungeon as the failure I truly am.

None of my friends are awake, and I trudge to my bed, my eyes falling onto my rucksack. Without my full consent my hand reaches in and pulls out Draco's birthday gift to me. The Daydream Charm. It's supposed to last thirty minutes, and though that isn't as long as I would like to be distracted, it's better than nothing. I mean, it's not a long distraction that I need anyway, just a short one, one to take my mind off of how I ruined everything in such a short amount of time.

I run my hand along the top of the box, over the picture of a fine-looking young lad with a beautiful girl on a pirate ship. Inside the box is a vial of blue liquid and what looks like a cracker. I hold the two objects in my hand and look at the underside of the lid where a quick list of instructions are written.

Following these instructions, I eat the cracker, which surprisingly tastes like an apple, then drink the liquid, which taste uncomfortably like apple juice.

Then I sink into my bed and let the charm take over me.

I'm sitting on a porch in Hogsmeade, a porch that faces the Hogwarts castle, watching the snow slowly cover the already white ground. The chair beneath me rocks back and forth gently, and in my hand rests a warm mug of what I assume is butterbeer. Happiness warms me as I take a sip of the drink and confirm that it is in fact butterbeer.

A smile comes to my lips when I hear the door behind me open. "How was your day, love?" a familiar voice asks me before leaning over the back of the rocking chair and giving me a chaste kiss.

Zoe then plucks the mug from my hand and takes the seat next to me. "It was fine," I say, drinking in the sight of her, enjoying simply being able to look at her again. "Some fool Apparated in front of a group of Muggles, so the extent of my day was hunting them all down and changing their memories. It wasn't too exciting. Yours?"

She sighs and takes a gulp of my butterbeer, then hands it back. "Some student tried not paying today, so Rosmerta had me chase after him through the village. That was simply loads of fun."

I laugh at her subtle amount of sarcasm and take back the mug for another gulp. "On the positive side, we both have the weekend off."

"And Monday."

The mug now empty, I place it on the porch beside me. "Don't forget that Draco and Astoria are coming over for dinner tomorrow."

"Well, that ruins my plan to up and disappear with you for the weekend."

I turn my head toward her. "Next weekend. Right now we have to deal with the niceties of the holidays."

"Because you unfortunately have a family," she quips.

"They're your family too, you know."

"Some of them." Zoe stretches and yawns, then stands to her feet and offers me her hand. "Let's go inside, it's far too cold out here." I accept her hand, swipe up the empty mug, and follow her inside. I slide my arms around her waist and rest my head on her shoulder. Together we walk toward the kitchen. "Oh, I forgot to mention—Snape will be joining us for dinner tonight."

"When did this come about?" I ask, pressing a kiss to the base of her neck.

"He wandered into the Three Broomsticks today—I don't quite know why—and I just invited him. It's been a while since he's had dinner with us, and I thought it'd be nice for him to spend time with people who care, especially this close to Christmas."

"So what you're telling me is that we need to cook a real meal tonight rather than faking our way through it and going straight to bed? Do we even have anything to make? We haven't gone shopping in a while."

Her body vibrates with silent laughter. "Never fear, dearest, he offered to supply the food if you assisted him in the cooking process."

I smile widely, and Zoe turns around in my arms. "You should probably be on high alert then. Severus and I nearly burnt down his house the summer before my sixth year at Hogwarts."

"I believe I've heard that story from the two of you a few times," she says.

"Is that so?"

Zoe gently pushes me against the counter, her hands slowly snaking their way into my hair. I close my eyes and pull her hips closer to mine. Her lips hungrily find mine, and I open my mouth to let her tongue in, my hands moving up her back.

I've missed her so much, and as I taste her lips again and feel her hands in my hair once more, the ache of her loss overwhelms me so much more. It's my fault. Her death is my fault.

"Marcus?" she asks, pulling away from me and wiping a tear from my cheek. "What's wrong?"

I cup her cheek and rub her lips with my thumb. "It's nothing, it's nothing," I say. Then I pull her into my arms and bury my face into the crook of her neck. "I love you, Zoe."

"And I love you, Aurelia." I smile at her words and her hands that rub my back comfortingly.

A loud knock at our front door breaks us apart, and Zoe wipes the remaining tears from my cheeks before we go to answer the door. It is no surprise that Severus is standing at our front door with a large brown bag in his hands. I smile broadly when I see him, almost able to forget that we are not currently speaking outside of this daydream. I open the door for him. "Charlotte, Zoe," he greets us with a somewhat smile.

"Come in, come in," I say.

Severus steps into the house I share with Zoe, and she takes the bag of food from him. I then embrace him and stay in his arms for a moment, wondering if this is the last time I will ever be able to call him a friend and hold him this way, wondering if only in my daydreams will I have been forgiven by him. "It hasn't been that long," he says merrily as we separate. "You act as if you have not seen me in months."

I shrug, and together we follow Zoe to the kitchen.

"When you left Spinner's End, you assured me that you and Zoe would be able to survive. Not having groceries seems the opposite of that, doesn't it?"

"In all fairness, even when I was living at Spinner's End, I often did not have enough food to work with; hence the reason we stole from your neighbor so often."

He smiles at me and goes to turn on the stove and the oven, Zoe commenting sarcastically, "I suspect you two will take greater care not to burn down this house."

"If Charlotte's more careful than she was as a student, I don't believe we'll have to worry."

"This time you are not running me ragged, weakening my mind with constant Occlumency lessons, so everything should be fine."

"Those lessons were your choice, if I recall."

"He has a point, Marcus."

"If the two of you make it a habit to start ganging up on me—"

"Was it not you who asked that Zoe and I attempt to be cordial toward one another?" Severus asks innocently.

I ignore that comment, and a short time later Severus and I have finished cooking the meal and the three of us are sitting around the kitchen table with our plates full. I sit beside Zoe and across from Severus, and as the two of them chatter away, I have no choice but to watch them, admire them, two of the most important people in my life, neither of whom are currently in my life the way I wish that they would be.

"Created any new potions recently?" Zoe asks him.

He looks up from his meal and directs his black eyes to her and says cautiously, "Yes."

She grins. "I suppose you're not allowed to speak of it just yet, are you? It's different from when you worked at Hogwarts, isn't it?"

"It's different but much better." He glances at me. "No students constantly pestering me for help."

"You secretly miss it," I say.

"Not at all," is his reply. I watch him for a long moment, and he huffs. "There are certain students I miss, and there are certain aspects of teaching I miss—"

"Scaring your students mindless."

"Precisely. But I do not miss being a Hogwarts professor," he finishes, not even bothered that I interrupted him.

After that I retrieve the strawberry tarts and place them on the table. Severus smiles when he picks one up and takes a bite. "I will never eat anything that Bellatrix makes—she would have attempted to poison me, I'm sure—but her recipe is astounding."

"I'll take that as a compliment to my baking skills and not to my mother's recipe, thanks."

Severus unfortunately does not stay much longer than that, but before he leaves I embrace him tightly one more time, just in case the Severus outside this daydream never forgives me. "I'm sorry for everything," I say to him. "Truly."

"Sorry for what?" he asks kindly.

"All the trouble I caused you. I know it was a lot, and I know you ran out patience with me many times. Rightfully so, of course, because I can be a terribly ungrateful bitch. But I'm sorry. For all of it."

He pulls away from me and smiles. "You are always and completely forgiven."

Severus then leaves, and I close the door and turn to Zoe. "Now that we're alone," she says conspiratorially, reaching around me and locking the door, then slowly backing me against it, "I'd like to pick up where we were before that pesky Severus Snape interrupted us."

"With food, mind you," I comment. "And you invited him."

"I was just hoping he'd show up like…an hour later? No matter. My plans have changed now anyway, and what I have in mind will take more than an hour." Heat rises to my cheeks, and I quickly throw my arms around her neck and pull her close, pressing my lips to hers, slipping my tongue into her mouth and savoring the taste of dinner still lingering on her lips.

"I love you," I breathe. I'll never have another chance to say it to her, and I have to say it as many times as I can right now in this moment. So I say it again.

She places her forehead against mine. "I love you."

The walls around us begin evaporating, followed by the floor, then Zoe's feet. I stare into her honey eyes until she, too, is completely gone.

The charm's effects fade away and tear me away from the daydream. I gasp for air and pull my knees to my chest. This charm was a terrible idea. I should never have touched it. I would warn Severus against it if we were on speaking terms with one another. I would warn him not to take it because all it does is hurt.

But perhaps if he were speaking with me this daydream would not have crushed me as it has because although Zoe would still not be with me, at least I would have him. Instead I've lost them both.