Krazyasibe: Thanks for reviewing! I'm glad you're still enjoying it!

Pun Queen: Thanks for following and favoriting and reviewing! I'm honored you read all of this in just a few days! I'm glad it kept you entertained enough that you wanted to read it all very quickly! I'm honestly not sure how it's going to end. In the original one I stayed pretty close to canon whenever I could, but I'm struggling with that decision this time. Initially there were four endings that I couldn't choose between, but I've whittled it down to two: one canon compliant and one canon divergent. I haven't been able to decide between them yet :/ As for Charlotte and Daphne, I doubt Charlotte has put much thought into or even really wants to; her life is fairly hectic right now and not really the best for relationships. She definitely needs Daphne now as a friend more than anything else. Sorry the fight between Charlotte and Snape broke your heart :(

pecopaco615: Thanks for favoriting!

This will probably be the last update until mid-December when finals are over and such! Thanks for your patience! Also, I didn't plan for this chapter to go down like this, but Charlotte kinda got away from me and did her own thing

CHAPTER 40

No more than six minutes later I see the Carrow twins walking calmly toward the statue, looking pretty pleased with themselves, completely ignorant to my presence thanks to the Disillusionment and Silencing Charms.

I smile at their foolishness as they spit out the password. The gargoyle moves aside, and I follow closely after the Carrows and find myself in the stairwell leading to the tower. I creep after them, stopping when they stop, speeding up when they do. Severus gives them permission to enter mere moments after hearing their knock, and I step into his office for the first time in a week. He stands by the window, his hands behind his back.

"Amycus, Alecto, to what do I owe this…pleasure?"

I go around the twins to get to his desk where I pull the rolled letter from my pocket, lower myself to the floor, remove the Disillusionment Charm from it, and place it in his chair.

"You called us here," Alecto says. "You said that the Dark Lord was pleased with the way we handled the issues between Charlotte and those two foolish Slytherin boys and that he wanted to reward us."

"I said no such thing," Severus says, unamused.

"We have a note from you here." Amycus hands over the note.

Severus clenches his jaw as he reads over it. "Someone has lied to you," he says tightly. "And now you've wasted my time attempting to collect a reward from the Dark Lord. As if he would reward you for protecting Miss Rodgers when that is your main duty here at Hogwarts. Get out of my office."

"But—"

"Out."

Amycus does not try again, and the twins leave the headmaster's office, slamming the door on their way out and making it impossible for me to sneak out after them. I sink to the floor beside the door, all but holding my breath as Severus stares after the two Death Eaters. I don't want to be in here when he reads that apology I've written for him.

The universe smiles upon me, and Severus Disapparates moments later. I take my opportunity to duck out of the room, down the stairs, and far away from the Headmaster's Tower.

On my way to the Slytherin Dungeon I remove the two charms from myself and attempt to breathe evenly. It only calms me down slightly, but I somehow manage to appear like my normal self when I enter the common room. Or at least it seems that I have accomplished that because none of my friends look at me strangely or question me when I take my seat on the sofas with them.

I listen quietly as Christopher gently teases Ella about something she said to Julia earlier in the day when I was not around. Jacob and Julia quickly join in as well, and though I do not know what exactly they are referencing, I smile at their merry laugher.

A hand taps my knee, and I meet Daphne's eyes. "You disappeared after that strange encounter at lunch. Are you all right?"

"Just fine, thanks for asking."

Lying. I'm always lying. But I smile through the hatred I harbor for myself and turn my attention to my friends and do my best to forget about the letter sitting in Severus's chair.

It's dinner the next evening, when I'm sitting at the Slytherin table, that everything changes. Or begins to change.

The owls swoop down with their letters, and one lands in front of me. And not just any owl. A small one with familiar eyes, a note tied to his leg. I feed Milo from my plate and let him nibble at my finger before he flies away. With shaking hands, I unroll the small letter.

We need to speak in private. Apparate to my chambers the normal way. The wards will be down temporarily.

Though this doesn't sound entirely good, my heart catches in my chest, and a smile breaks across my face because even if it doesn't end up perfectly, I at least have the chance to speak with Severus again, to explain to him that I never meant to hurt him, to explain what I'm feeling in this moment and how sorry I am and how I never meant to break his trust. This could be my very last chance to fix things between the two of us, and I'm going to do everything in my power to prove to him that I didn't do any of this vindictively, that I wasn't maliciously trying to hurt him.

Trying to keep my composure the best that I can, I say to the friends around me "I have to go." I offer them no explanation because there's really no way to explain to them what's happening. Instead I simply stand up quickly and unceremoniously run from the Great Hall, tears of hope filling my eyes because I can fix this. I can fix this. Everything is going to be fine! Or it might be! Whatever happens, there's a chance that everything is going to be fine, and that's more than I had just a few days ago.

In a matter of minutes, I am in the girls' bathroom, but I stop, suddenly fearful that this isn't going to turn out as I hope. I mean, I knew coming here that there was a chance of that, but to actually face it, to stand here with the knowledge that this could very well be the last time I ever Apparate to his chambers is…disheartening. Whatever I say to him when I get to this quarters, I have to make sure that he knows I'm completely and totally sincere. I can do this. I have to try. He's the most important person in my life.

So I swallow down my fear and Apparate. I find myself standing in Severus's private chambers for the first time in what feels like forever, fighting to keep my face neutral as I look upon him. This is fine, this is fine, this is fine. Nothing's changed in his quarters, of course, but it feels different. Because Severus is in here, watching me, and he still doesn't seem too happy with me. He simply holds up the letter. "You sent the Carrows up here." I nod. "And you sneaked in with them." I nod again. "And you placed this in my chair." A grin comes to my lips despite my attempt to stop it. "Clever."

This is good, right? He didn't start yelling at me. That's a good sign. It has to be. It has to be. "I'm sorry I broke into your office and—"

"No, you're not," he interrupts me, almost a smirk on his lips. I could almost cry at the look on his face. He doesn't seem angry with me, and that's so much more than I could have ever wished for. He's not angry with me anymore.

"Perhaps you're right. I can't be too sorry about it because it got me an audience with you." I try to smile at him, but my lip quivers. I swallow down the weird mixture of hope and sorrow in my chest. I cannot let him know exactly what I'm feeling right now.

Severus watches me for a moment before saying, "You can take a seat, Charlotte."

"Because I'm going to be here for a while?" Hopefully talking this through with him and making amends. "You're not mad about the letter, right? That I wrote it and snuck it in here?"

"I'm not angry with you about the letter."

About the letter. He was so very specific. He's still angry about the other thing. Which makes sense. Yet I breathe a sigh of relief anyway because this is a start and walk over to the sofa in his quarters, then sit on the far side, relaxing in its familiar, comforting softness. I feel so much more comfortable here in his chambers than I do anywhere else in this castle. "Sending Milo to deliver my summons was a nice touch, Professor, if I may say so myself."

"I'm glad you appreciated it." Suddenly he begins fidgeting uncomfortably, and he takes a seat on the opposite side of the sofa from me. "I did—I do—consider you a friend, Charlotte. The privileges I allowed you would never have been given without that." I fight back the smile threatening because I can see this conversation turning sour fast. But at least he considered me a friend, which maybe means he'll listen to me? He'll give me a chance to talk with him and explain myself? If I can even really explain what I've done. His fingers run over the edges of the letter, his eyes perusing over it for a moment. "I'm honored to have helped keep you sane during all of this trouble you're facing. And if we're being honest with one another—which I feel we are after reading this letter—you're one of the reasons I am still sane as well. And that's why your—"

"That's why my betrayal was so disgusting." I close my eyes for a brief second. I hadn't even thought about that. Not once had I considered how it would actually affect him. I was selfish, and I hurt him, and I have to make it up to him.

"Yes. I trusted you completely." I was the first person he had trusted completely in what is probably a really long time, and I ruined it. "You threw in your lot with the D.A., the group who is trying so desperately to dismantle my place here at Hogwarts, who is turning everyone against me—rightfully so, considering how little of the truth they know. But you knew the truth, and you turned against me to let them steal the Sword of Gryffindor when you should have simply told me about everything that was happening. I'm not irrational. I know that they want to get the sword to Potter, but that's not possible right now. This could've all been avoided had you simply told me what they were planning. They still didn't get the sword, and now they can't. But this"—he motions between the two of us—"could've been avoided, Charlotte. Had you trusted me, had you not turned your back on me."

"I know what it seems like, but I assure you I didn't mean for it to look like I had turned against you. I would never do that. Well, I mean, I know it looks like I did, but I would never—I'm still on your side. I'm always going to be on your side. Nothing's ever going to change that." I swallow. "But I suppose I did a pretty shitty job of showing that, didn't I?"

"Yes." His eyes drift over the letter for a moment before he turns it toward me and places it on the cushion between us and points to some of the lines I marked out while I was writing it and struggling to think of what to say and how to say it. This letter looks like a complete mess. "You don't regret the entire situation though, do you? You were trying to say that you don't regret trying to help them steal the sword. Regardless of what the rest of this letter says, you're not completely remorseful."

"That's true," I whisper, unsure I even want to go down this road and explain my actual thoughts to him. I don't want this to get uncomfortable. "I can't be entirely sorry about what happened." I reach forward and take the letter, hold it in my lap as if it can protect me, watch him from the corner of my eye as a stare down at the paper. "I'm not entirely sorry."

Severus stands up, and I meet his eye. "Then there is nothing more for us to discuss."

"But—" I stop short when he casts a harsh glare my way. Then I stand and reach out for him, managing to pull back before I touch him because I know he would not allow that right now. Despite how much I just desperately want to comfort him, to let him know that I'm here and on his side. I want to hug him and apologize, but I can't risk that right now. His angry gaze deters me from speaking for only a moment before I gather up the courage. "Please listen to me this one last time, and then you can kick me out. You can kick me out, and I won't come back. I'll leave you alone. I won't bother you again without your permission. I'll—I'll obey whatever you say. Just…give me this chance. Please."

He seems almost ready to shout something in my face, but instead nods stiffly, and the relief I feel is almost indescribable. I have a chance here to fix everything. "First and foremost, I never should have thrown Lily in your face. That was reprehensible of me, and I am wholly sorry for that." He clenches his jaw. "Moving on, sorry, I can see I shouldn't have even brought that up again to apologize for it."

"Charlotte—"

"I know, I know, I'm sorry." A deep breath to calm myself, then a short moment to collect my thoughts before I start rambling too much. "I realized a few things when I was…betraying you last week." Betraying him. I was betraying him. I'm a terrible person. I swallow painfully, my mouth and throat drying up. "I'm not…I'm not entirely sure where to begin…I mean, I know what I want to say but I'm not…I guess…I'm not sure how to say…what I want to say."

I clear my throat and look down to my feet. I can do this, I can do this. Just speak, Charlotte. This is your chance, don't blow it. With great difficulty I force myself to meet his gaze. I don't want to say any of this. I'm afraid. But I'm more afraid to continue living my life without him in it, so I bite down my fear. "I wasn't lying to you."

He eyes me suspiciously.

"I realized that you are my best friend and very likely the single most important person in my life." I smile sadly at him, and his eyes almost soften. "And I realized that I didn't hate what I was doing, the idea of it. I wasn't lying"—I clear my throat—"I wasn't lying when I said that I wanted you." His eyebrows go up slightly. "For a number of reasons, honestly, but the one I realized—in that moment when I was…when I was betraying you, I realized that the Dark Lord will never free me from my duty. I mean, I always knew that, but in that moment I realized that if I am supposed to have a child, I would much rather it be your child." His eyes almost widen, a look of disbelief on his face. "Or at the very least, I'd rather stand just as much of a chance of having your child as I have of having his." I exhale.

"What are you—"

"I'm saying that although I am not in love with you, I love you very much. And I would like to stand a chance of having your child because having your child would be the greatest honor I could ever have. I wasn't lying when I said—when I said that I wanted—"

His silence is deafening, but the look on his face doesn't seem angry, which gives me hope that maybe he's listening, maybe he's actually trying to understand what I'm saying.

"I mean, besides, it could be beneficial to the both of us," I add, growing steadily more uncomfortable with the entire situation and slightly wishing I had never brought this up in the first place. My fingers tap against my thigh, and it takes most of my willpower to continue looking him in the eye. I'm getting panicky. "I mean, surely you're stressed. And—and I'm stressed. And we could work through the difficulties of all of this while offering me the hope of having a child that does not belong to the Dark Lord. It'd be good for both—" I stop.

"Charlotte, you can't be—"

"I am. I…as probably weird and definitely uncomfortable as it currently is, I am serious. Completely and wholly serious. We've had our fights and our disagreements, and we've lied to one another. I betrayed you, and I'm sorry. But I'm not lying about this. You are the only man I have ever met, have ever known, whose child I would be honored to bear, whose child I actually—" I stop again and take a breath. "I…I'm sorry. I know I've crossed a line but…" I let that hang in the air, unable to finish my thought because the look on Severus's face has me wanting to back away and hide in a corner. Preferably a corner that is not in the headmaster's private chambers, but what can I do now that I have spoken aloud these thoughts? What can I do now that these words have been spoken, unable to ever go back? Well, if I'm going to ruin my relationship with him, I might as well go all in and ruin in a way other than through betrayal.

"You're not thinking clearly," he says rationally.

"But I am. Thinking clearly, I mean. I've thought about this for a while, and any chance of having your child is—a chance of having your child instead of the Dark Lord's, I can't put into words what that will mean for me." I pause. "Not only that, but the idea of—of the two—Severus, you are the most important person in my life. You know that, don't you? And this—what I'm offering, suggesting—could benefit the both of us." I take a step toward him. "Not only that, of course. It's not just about what is beneficial to the both of us. I need you to know that." I inch closer again, now within arm's length. "I—" I stop short and brace myself for whatever his reaction might be. "I wasn't lying the last time we spoke. This—it's something that I want."

His breath catches in his throat, his eyes bulging momentarily. "Charlotte, you don't truly—"

I reach forward and take his hand in both of mine. He looks down to where I'm holding onto him. "I'm aware of how I sound, Severus, but I absolutely mean what I said. And if you feel the same way at all—if I haven't pissed you off—if this is in any way—"

His lips are on mine in a moment, and I'm caught by surprise, a happiness filling my chest, the type of happiness I have not felt in so long that I actually think I might cry. I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him tighter to me. I move us backward toward his bedroom, pushing myself onto the bed and wrapping my legs around his waist, quite like I had last time before everything was ruined. My past self—the self who was locked in the potions storeroom and wanted to straddle my captor's thighs and then felt disgusted when I found out who they were attached to—she would be appalled. But my heart is thrilled now, lighter than it's been in so, so very long. "Charlotte, are you—"

"Yes, I'm sure. Stop asking that. Are you sure?"

"Yes," he breathes, then his lips are on mine once more. They're soft.

My hands press against his chest, and I'm surprised by how lean he is. I've hugged him before and have even been picked up and carried by him, but he feels different like this. I begin sliding backward onto the bed, pulling him with me the best that I can. He climbs onto the bed after me, scooting me toward the headboard. Feeling him this close to me—his weight slightly pressing down one me—is one of the most comforting things I think I've ever experienced. I feel safer than I ever have with Severus's hand on my hip, his lips on mine.

"You won't run off if you hear a noise, will you?" I ask innocently.

He watches me for a split second before, "You're not helping deviants steal something from my office, are you?"

I smile. "Fair point, I suppose. But no, I don't have any accomplices trying to steal from you again."

"Good."

I slide my hand into his hair and am surprised at how soft it is. For some reason I hadn't expected that. A peace settles in my chest. Despite how much I'd hoped that he would forgive me, I hadn't expected him to agree to anything like this. I smile against his lips. "You know," I say, fiddling with the first of many annoying buttons on his robes, "there was a time not too long ago when I wanted nothing more than to kill you."

"The feeling was mutual, I assure you."

I grin at him and put my hand on his cheek. "I'm certainly glad we've moved beyond that."

"What do you mean 'we'? Who says I don't still harbor the hope to kill you?" His grip on my hips tightens, and he pulls me closer to him.

I kiss him again before saying, "My guard is down enough right now that you could easily kill me if you wanted to."

"Don't tempt me."