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Officially finished my master's degree and was offered a full-time job both in one day, so I thought I'd finish this chapter up to celebrate!

I hope you're all staying safe!

CHAPTER 47

I'm mildly shocked when I find myself outside the home of Ted and Andromeda Tonks, but I'm unable to move forward and knock on the door. I'm in a daze, denying everything that's happened in the past few minutes. For some reason, I believed Bellatrix would turn against the Dark Lord when she learned I was to be killed. I was a fool. My mother will never choose me over Voldemort. How could she? She's been loyal to him far longer than she ever cared about me. But why was she crying to Rodolphus when she returned the bear? Rodolphus. I'll never be able to save her like he requested. I know now that she'll never leave her Dark Lord's side.

I stamp down the sob that tries to break free. I can't knock on their door sobbing; they'll assume something much worse has happened than me simply realizing—again—that my mother loves the Dark Lord more than she loves me. So I stand there, pulling myself together enough that I can fight off these feelings.

Only once I trust myself not to break too easily do I knock on the door. Not long after, Andromeda answers. "Charlotte?" she asks, looking around me suspiciously, almost as if she believes I am being followed. "What was the name your parents gave you?"

"Aurelia."

She continues looking around. "What are you doing here?"

"It's a long story."

"Come in, come in." My aunt all but pulls me into the house and closes the door. "How have you been?"

I just shrug. "It could be better, but I don't expect it to be."

She waves her wand and a few cups of tea come to her. She gives one to me. "Why are you not at Hogwarts? I thought You-Know-Who would have wanted you as protected as possible."

"Well, he does. He just doesn't know that I'm not there. If he did, I imagine he would…" I pause and think about his threats against my friends' lives. "He would find ways to punish me." She grimaces, but I ignore the concerned look on her face and take a sip of the tea. We move to the kitchen where we sit at the table. "I have some friends covering for me." Which isn't technically a lie because Severus is a friend to me. "I was staying with Gideon and Trista Collins and their family. I'm a good friend of their son."

"Trista?" she asks. "She was at Hogwarts my last year there, was in Hufflepuff, I believe. I thought she was a Muggle-born, like Ted. Is she not on the run?"

Right, I forgot about that tiny fact. I shouldn't have mentioned it at all. "That's actually one of the reasons I had to leave. Rodolphus killed their daughter a while back thinking she was me, thinking she would be forced to have the Dark Lord's child. He thought he was doing a kindness. Then he found out that Helena was not, in fact, the one chosen to have the child. He and Rabastan went back 'hunting' for Mrs. Collins, but really, they lied to protect her. They didn't want to take her from the family as well after they'd already killed their daughter."

"So you had to leave?" she asks, clearly not understanding. And why should she? I haven't really told the full story.

"Their son, Christopher, took it rather hard that I was alive because his sister was killed in my place. The two of them were close. I took it upon myself to leave and give them their space."

"And this happened today?"

"Yesterday, actually. I went to Lestrange Cottage and stayed with Rodolphus, until Bellatrix arrived…I actually just left there." She obviously doesn't know what to say, so I switch the subject, knowing that I will be too tempted to tell her what happened with Bellatrix. "Have you heard from Ted at all?" Tears immediately spring up in her eyes. Bad subject, Charlotte, way to go. Andromeda just shakes her head. "Where's—"

"Charlotte," I hear from the far door. Tonks steps into the room, the baby bump looking absolutely adorable on her. "What are you doing here?"

"She's staying here tonight," Andromeda says.

Tonks grins. "That's great!" She comes over and hugs me. Without another word, she begins parading through the cabinets and the refrigerator in the kitchen.

"What're you looking for?" her mother asks.

"Anything—I'm starving!"

Andromeda laughs silently and whispers to me, "She eats all the time. You know, I thought I was bad when I was pregnant, but she's eating me out of house and home."

"I heard that," Tonks says.

Andromeda stands and goes to help her daughter. From the corner of my eye, I watch them, immensely jealous as they talk in hushed tones to one another. I want that. If I become pregnant, part of me wants that kind of relationship with Bellatrix, though I know such fantasies are fruitless and only make the situation worse. Perhaps if she had not told me that it's a privilege to die for Voldemort, we could've had that kind of relationship. Perhaps my pregnancy, while unwanted and a blight on my life, could have been a short time in which Bellatrix and I could've been close and had the relationship that Andromeda and Tonks have.

I swallow down the thought, unwilling to dwell on it for long. Right now I fear my biggest concern should be my father. What will happen to him now that he knows, now that Bellatrix knows that he knows? "Where's Lupin?" I ask them.

Tonks sits down beside me with a plate full of snacks, and Andromeda returns to her seat across from me. "He's hiding. Werewolves are frowned upon by the Ministry," Tonks says quietly. "He's with a few of the Order members, helping them broadcast Potterwatch."

"Potter what?"

"It's a pirate radio program used to broadcast the news being hidden by the Ministry," Andromeda says. "You need the password to be able to hear it."

"I guess that's why I haven't heard it."

"That and you're stuck at Hogwarts with Snape," Tonks says. Her voice is bitter and full of spite when she adds, "How is that greasy-haired murderer nowadays?"

I have to fight my urge to tell them the truth about Severus, or at least just to defend him. "He's the same, I reckon. He's Snape."

She takes a bite of her toast. Andromeda asks, "And You-Know-Who, is he still trying?"

"The last weekend of every month."

Andromeda very slightly shakes her head, her face full of hate. "You've not…you're not…"

"No," I quickly say, knowing where this was headed. "I don't know why, but I haven't been able to conceive, which is definitely something I'm not complaining about." I glance away and take a moment to drink some more of the tea. "Does anyone know where Harry is?"

Tonks shakes her head. "The Order's been looking for him, keeping their eyes peeled the best they can, but no one's been able to find him or Hermione or Ron since they broke into the Ministry," which is something I remember Amycus mentioning to me in passing. "They've seemingly dropped off the face of the earth. But we all know—or at least we believe—that they're doing something to kill He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named once and for all."

"I sincerely hope that's what they're doing," I whisper.

"Do you know what will happen if you have a baby?" Andromeda asks.

"If it's a girl, he will kill her. He only wants a boy. And if it's a boy, he'll—" But I find myself stopping. They don't need to know what will happen to me. "I don't know what he'll do if it's a boy. He never really said." They look suspicious of my words, so I add, "All he said was that the baby will be used as a readymade body for when he returns again, just in case something happens to his current body," to make it seem like less of a lie that I don't know what's going to happen to me if I have a boy. I clear my throat and look away from them. "I'd…rather not talk about it if it's all the same to you."

Andromeda nods, seemingly understanding. "You said that you were with Rodolphus. What does he have to say about this? Does he know who you are?"

"I actually told him when I got there. I wasn't expecting anyone to be there. But he was. And I took my opportunity to tell him the truth. He was overjoyed, honestly. He was just happy that I'm alive. As for what I'm doing for the Dark Lord," I say, "he's not too excited about it. He doesn't want his daughter going through that. He's never wanted me to go through that."

"He's changed then," Tonks says. "Wasn't he involved in the torturing of the Longbottoms? He went to Azkaban for You-Know-Who, right?"

"That's actually why he hates the Dark Lord so much. He lost me—his daughter—he lost his wife, and he was stuck in Azkaban for fifteen years. He was never really the same after that."

"The punishments of serving You-Know-Who are rightfully severe," Andromeda says.

I nod, my mind immediately pulled back to the last conversation I had with Voldemort and what punishments will befall me if I don't serve him. "I don't mean to sound rude," I say quietly, "but it's been a rather trying day, and I would really like to put it behind me. Is there anywhere I can go to sleep for a while?"

"Of course. You can take Dora's room. She can stay with me tonight."

"I don't want to be an inconvenience."

"Nonsense," Tonks says with a slight laugh in her voice. "Since Remus went into hiding and Dad went on the run, I usually end up in her room anyway."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive," Andromeda says. "Would you like some dinner before you go?"

"No, thank you."

Tonks tells me that I can find her room upstairs at the end of the hall, so that's where I go. When I get to the room, I plop my rucksack onto the floor and sit down on the edge of the bed. This is going to be a worse Christmas than when I learned who I really am. I run my hands through my hair and pull it up to get it out of my face. There's no way I will ever be able to repay Andromeda for this. My eyes dart over to my bag, and against my will I stand and go to it, pulling out a piece of parchment and a bottle of ink and a quill. I sit back down and begin writing a short note.

Severus,

Some things have happened, and I had to leave the Collins' place. I need to return to Hogwarts. I'll be with Tonks and Andromeda tonight. I'll leave when I wake up. Could you make it possible for me to return to the castle?

Aurelia

(I still think it's a better idea to sign with my real name on the off chance that this is intercepted.)

I groan loudly when I finish writing it, realizing that I'll have to leave here to send it to him because I'm afraid Andromeda might try making me stay if she knew that I am planning to leave here soon. With a sigh of resignation, I Apparate to the Three Broomsticks in Hogsmeade. I'm not surprised when I get there to see that it is mostly empty. It is Christmas Eve after all. But Rosmerta is standing behind the bar, so I go to her.

"Hello, Charlotte," she says to me.

"Madam Rosmerta. Do you happen to have an owl around here that I can borrow to send a note to the castle?"

She nods, and disappears for a short minute. When she returns, an owl on her arm, I thank her and tie the note its leg and walk it outside so she doesn't hear me tell the creature to go to Severus. Tempted as I am to leave immediately, I go back inside and order a butterbeer, if only to tell her that I'm sorry about Zoe's disappearance. The witch frowns when I mention Zoe. "You haven't heard from her either then? So something actually has happened to her?"

I don't have the heart to tell her that I watched Zoe's murder, so I tell her that it probably has something to do with the Muggle-born registration thing.

She nods solemnly. "That's what I feared."

I leave the full bottle of butterbeer behind, Apparating back to Andromeda's home. Then I crawl into the bed and bury my face in the pillow. How is it that so much of my life can turn around in such a short time?

I don't have another thought before I fall asleep.

When I wake up, I realize that it's Christmas and I'm once again spending it in a way that I wish I was not. I thought after last year—after spending the holiday with Bellatrix, eating Chocolate Frogs and drinking Firewhiskey and just being happy in general—I thought my bad Christmases were over. And yet here I am, a year later, and my mother thinks it's a privilege for me to die. All of the time we spent together is tainted with the knowledge that she never loved me as much as I wanted her to. And from now on I will be surprised if I have a single good moment with her again. It's all ruined. Because of Voldemort. He's taken everything from me, and I want him to suffer for it. My chest grows tight, and breathing becomes a struggle. I lie still for a moment—what's wrong with me?—trying to gain control of my lungs once more. I squeeze my eyes shut tightly and force myself to breathe as best I can. I'm unsure how long it takes, but eventually I find that I can breathe once more.

I roll out of the bed and grab another piece of parchment. It's later than I thought, nearly eight in the morning, and I rush to gather all of my things. I scribble a quick thanks for letting me stay and a quick apology for leaving with such short notice. Then I leave three Galleons on the nightstand. I don't know if I should pay them or not, but part of me says I should. So I do.

As quietly as I can manage, I go back downstairs and open the front door. Rosmerta's owl is sitting on the doorstep. I smile at it and remove the letter from its leg. It flies away. Severus has lowered the jinxes until noon.

I Apparate without seeing my aunt and cousin again.

Severus is not in his chambers when I arrive, so I sit down on his sofa and tell myself to breathe. I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine. "Merlin, Charlotte," Severus says. I glance up to see him coming out of his bathroom. "You really need to announce yourself when you show up in someone's private quarters."

A half-hearted smile comes to my face before I can stop it. "Did I startle you?"

"Yes."

"Wasn't my intention."

He watches me for a moment. "Are you planning to tell me why you needed to return to Hogwarts?"

Tears sprout in my eyes immediately. "Nothing went as planned."

Severus sits down beside me. "What happened?"

Once I get started, I cannot stop. He listens patiently as I recount to him how Rodolphus killed Helena in an attempt to save her from my fate. I explain to him about my grandfather witnessing me murdering Avery and him telling Rodolphus and Rabastan and Avery's son. I tell Severus about how this led to Rodolphus's belief that Helena was me. I tell him that her death was my fault, to which he quickly says, "You cannot blame yourself for that, Charlotte. That was far out of your control."

"Except I could have stopped it had I simply gone to him when I first learned that I am Aurelia, right?" He's quiet. "Exactly, I have the right to blame myself." It's easy to see that he wants to argue, but I continue on with my story and inform him of when I told Mr. and Mrs. Collins and was overheard by Christopher and Julia. I recount Christopher's reaction and how I fled from their home. But I stop after telling him that I went to Lestrange Cottage.

Severus waits for almost a minute before reaching the conclusion that I do not want to go any farther. "What happened when you went to the cottage?"

I just shake my head, trying to regain my courage. I guess I'll have to speak about it eventually. "Rodolphus was there," I finally say.

The headmaster is quiet for a second. "Charlotte…"

"I told him!" I blurt out. "I told him everything!"

"And?"

"He was thrilled, Severus," I whisper. "We had a day and a half of pure bliss. It was a glorious, short time that we had together. I honestly think it could have stayed like that. Then Bellatrix arrived.

"She now knows that I will die after I have the baby, if I have the baby. And you know what her reaction was? Pride. Yes, pride. She thinks it is the highest honor not only to have the Dark Lord's baby but also to be able to die for him as well."

He doesn't say anything. I guess he doesn't really have to say anything. Instead, he moves closer to me and puts his arms around me. I lean my head against his chest and close my eyes. "What did your father say?"

"Well, he was upset with her, to say the least. Then I left. I don't really know what transpired after that."

All conversation between us dies. But I don't mind. It's relaxing. I feel comforted when I'm in his embrace.

After fifteen minutes of this, I find my voice once again. "What's a horcrux?" I whisper.

His whole body tenses. "What did you say?"

"A horcrux. What is it?"

He releases me and stands up, mumbling, "No no no no," to himself. Then he stops, and again more to himself than me, he adds, "I was hoping you were mistaken. I was hoping you had misheard or—or something that could mean this wasn't true." He pauses and turns to me. "Come with me."

He darts out of his chambers and leaves me where I sit. It takes a minute for my brain to catch up and follow him as he told me to. He's speaking with Dumbledore's portrait by the time I reach his office. "Miss Rodgers," the painting says, "what did Rodolphus Lestrange say exactly?"

"Rodolphus said it was a horcrux. That's when he said that things had been taken too far. He didn't really elaborate. But the Dark Lord told me that a piece of his soul will go into the child so that he can come back to a readymade body in case something happens to him again."

Dumbledore looks at Severus gravely. "A horcrux," the portrait explains to me, "is very powerful Dark Magic. As you know, it is used to hide a piece of one's soul for the purpose of attaining immortality. The only way to split the soul in order to put it inside an object is through murder."

"Which is why he wants to kill me," I comment quietly.

"Yes."

The former headmaster is lost in thought. I glance between him and Severus. Both are equally troubled. "He's done this before, hasn't he?" I ask.

Dumbledore glances at Severus. "Yes, I am afraid he has."

"How many?"

He doesn't answer.

"How is a horcrux destroyed?"

"There's one method that has been proven effective," Dumbledore says. "The Sword of Gryffindor—it is infused with basilisk venom, very hard to cure."

"But the sword…" I glance over at Severus. "What happened to the sword?"

"A fake sword is in your mother's vault at Gringotts. I have a plan to get the real one to Harry Potter."

"So, once this is done to my son, the only way to reverse it is through his death?"

"That's why we cannot allow it to happen to him," Severus says.

This is too much for me to take at the moment, and I collapse into Severus's chair. I look away from them. They respect my turmoil and remain silent until I finally force myself to ask, "Does Harry stand a chance of destroying all of them?"

"Yes," Dumbledore says. Severus looks out the window, forcing himself to meet neither my eyes nor those of the deceased headmaster. Something is clearly wrong with him, but I'm not entirely sure what's happening with him.

"But if he's unable to destroy each horcrux before I get pregnant and is unable to kill You-Know-Who before I have the child, will he be forced to kill my son? Would he be able to do that? I mean, does Harry Potter have what it takes to kill a child?"

Dumbledore looks at me sadly. "Let's hope it does not come to that."

I clear my throat, and Severus meets my gaze. "Professor Snape," I whisper. By the look on his face, it is easy to see that he already knows where this conversation is headed, but he does nothing to stop me. "You've been here for me throughout, well, this whole thing basically. But if I'm killed, there'll be no one to stop this. Professor, please, don't let my son become a horcrux. Please, if I am gone, do what must be done. Promise me."

He is quiet for a moment, and the silence weighs on me. Then he says, almost inaudibly, "I will."

What I'm asking is completely unfair, and I know that, especially since any child I have stands a chance of being Severus's child as well. I'm basically asking him to kill his own son. "Promise me."

Nodding, he replies, "I promise you that I will take all measures to stop this from happening to your son."

Though I know this means he will have to murder my child, I am relieved. Again all conversation dies.

I dread the moment I'm forced to face Voldemort. But even more, I dread the moment when I am forced to face Bellatrix. After learning that she's okay with my death, I don't think I can ever see her in the same light.

How foolish of me to think I ever stood a chance of having a relationship with her.

How foolish of me to think that she would ever turn against the Dark Lord for me.

How foolish of me to think, ever, that I could save her from Voldemort.

I am a foolish child.

I watch Severus for a moment before looking back at the door leading to his private chambers, trying to communicate to him that I want to stay here rather than stay in the Slytherin Dungeon. He subtly nods, and I stand to leave. I don't look back at him or Dumbledore as I exit his office and make my way down to the second-floor girls' bathroom, hoping that Severus lifted the jinxes in the normal place. He did, of course, and I Apparate back to his private chambers.