CHAPTER 6

Milo flies down to me once I step foot into the Owlery, but he is not the owl for this particular errand because someone—one of my friends—might recognize him as Zoe's owl, which would be bad specifically because he'd be flying to the Headmaster's Tower. And why would Zoe's owl be carrying a message to Headmaster Snape? At this current juncture in my life, drawing as little attention to myself seems like the best course of action. That in mind, I pet Milo, send him away, then tie my note to the foot of a Hogwarts owl. "Severus Snape, Hogwarts Headmaster's Tower." The bird flaps its wings and takes off into the air.

My need to see Severus was solidified during my breakdown with Daphne earlier. Of all the people in the world who bring me comfort, he is the at the top of the list, and I know he'll understand my pain and not judge me. Also, if I'm being honest with myself, I just miss him and want to spend time with him. No one understands or knows me better than he does, and that means his presence offers the most solace, something I am in desperate need of before another breakdown occurs.

Rather than going to class as would be the best thing for my workload and studies right now, I lower myself to the chilly stone floor an watch the owls, part of me idly wondering what happens after death, what happened to Zoe and Mrs. Stoico after they were taken from me. Are they somewhere waiting for my arrival? Will I have the chance to speak to them again? Will I ever see them again? Is Helena looking down at Christopher and her other siblings? Will I meet Helena when I die? If I die soon, will I meet Lily Potter, the woman who sacrificed everything for her child? A cold hand grips the back of my neck, causing a shudder to quake through me and make me nauseous. Of all the thoughts that could be running through my head, death is probably the very last thing I need to be thinking about. It's something I should avoid dwelling on before it prevents me from doing anything at all, before it freezes me in my spot and forces me to waste the rest of my short time on this earth.

Milo flies back down to me, and I let him nibble at my finger for a moment before saying goodbye and wandering back down to the castle, hoping that a change of scenery will help expel the death thoughts from my mind. This doesn't mean I go to class, of course. Instead, I walk down to the Slytherin Dungeon to avoid everyone while I wait as patiently as possible for Severus's response. Most of my time is spent just looking through some of Zoe's sketchbook and crying quietly. I only leave the dungeon again when dinnertime rolls around, which I only do because with any luck, Severus will send me a response during this meal and will allow me to go to his quarters sometime tonight rather than waiting until the weekend. It seems unlikely that he'll make me wait though, so I'm not very concerned. I'll be seeing him later.

I take a seat with the Greengrass sisters and the second-years, who now sit beside each other once more, which is likely due to Christopher's willingness to speak to me again. "Where've you been all day?" Daphne asks once I get settled in beside her.

"Just resting."

"You mean to tell us you skipped class, Charlotte?" Jacob asks. "And to think you were once our tutor. My, my, how times have changed."

"Shut up," I say, a smile coming to my face. "Sometimes I'm too tired to go to class. It's like that with N.E.W.T.-level classes—"

"We don't skip nearly as often as you," Astoria interjects.

"—but you four should never skip classes, at least not at these important, core years of your education," I finish, ignoring the interruption despite her admonishing expression.

Ella shrugs. "Sure. Some of us actually like learning, Charlotte, and don't want to waste a single day of learning."

Luckily the subject changes, giving me the chance to avoid talking with them about my poor choices regarding my classes. Risking failure at Hogwarts doesn't seem like it'll affect my life much longer at this rate anyway, especially considering what is supposed to happen to me the moment Voldemort finishes using me. Who really cares if I pass any of these classes? Why not skive off as much as possible and instead spend time doing what actually brings me joy—spending time with Severus?

Near the end of our meal, a few owls swoop into the room delivering packages and letters to students around the room. One of them I recognize to be the owl who delivered my note to Severus earlier. I smile as it drops a thin letter onto my empty plate and swipes a piece of bread before taking off and flying out of the room.

"Were you expecting mail?" Astoria asks.

"No," I lie, forcing down the warm hope in my chest, unwilling to give them any indication regarding whether this is something I wanted or not.

"Are you going to check it?" Julia asks.

"Not right now. Keep your nose in your own business," I laugh. I'll check it after dinner whenever a quiet moment alone presents itself so no matter what the letter says, none of them will see a reaction from me.

As we finish up dinner and start out of the Great Hall I tap Julia on the shoulder and motion for her to hang back and walk with me more slowly than the rest of the group. She obliges, her face both curious and concerned. Once the others are far enough ahead that they won't hear whispers, I say very quietly to her, "When we were at Christopher's house and I was talking to his parents . . . what did you hear? Did you hear everything he heard?"

She looks up at the group who continue getting farther and farther away. "Did you want me not to have heard anything?"

I smile. "No, it's fine if you did. I just . . . need to know who knows what."

Julia nods, frowning. "I heard everything, Charlotte. How are you?"

"Could be better, but not awful. Things are certainly stressful."

"I should've told you earlier that I knew, but—"

"You were standing by Christopher, and I respect that."

"Do you need anything?" she asks softly. "Anything at all? A place to run, to hide?"

A sad laugh escapes me. "I wish it were possible, but no. Running or hiding is not an option for me at this point. Too many people I care about would be punished. You and the others included."

"We can take care of ourselves."

"Against Death Eaters? Julia, no."

"It's not fair though."

"I'm aware. For now, though, nothing can be done. Perhaps later, perhaps after Voldemort is killed, there will be a chance for me to get away from the Death Eaters, but right now it is an absolute impossibility."

She nods, not shocked by the answer. "If anything changes, you can ask for help. You know that, yeah?"

"Of course."

She slides her arm through mine. "And I won't tell anyone what I heard. Not even Ella. I promise."

"Thank you."

We stop in front of the entrance to the Slytherin Dungeon. "I imagine you'd like to go up to the dormitory and read your letter. I'll tell everyone you'll join us soon."

I smile at her and break away to go to the privacy offered only by my bed while she joins the rest of our group. Anticipation courses through me as walk up the stairs, go to my bed, and pull the curtains around me. My heart sinks when I read the letter, though it shouldn't too surprising so the sadness in my chest feels uncalled for. Though I would love to go to Severus's quarters right this second, I cannot do so until after curfew tonight. It makes it easier to sneak out and not be seen, but the idea of waiting four more hours crushes my soul. I burn the letter to hide all evidence, then go back to the common room.

"Everything all right?" Daphne asks me when I take a seat next to her at the table where my friends now do their homework.

"About the same." I pull out some parchment and begin writing the essay Amycus assigned about the Imperius Curse.

As the time approaches to leave the dungeon and sneak up to the girls' bathroom on the second floor, I begin to suspect that Daphne somehow knows my plans to break curfew. She smirks at me, almost rolling her eyes, when I pack up all of my work and declare that I am going to bed early, like she doesn't believe me in the slightest. I don't make eye contact with her as I leave the common room. Once in the dormitories, I store my things away, cast the Disillusionment Charm over myself and my bag, and head back down.

My suspicions are confirmed when I see her trying to watch the entrance door, no doubt wondering if she will see it open without anyone touching it. I do my best to slip out with the door just barely cracked open, then dash up the stairs to the second floor. Naturally, considering the time, no one is around, and so there is no need to try to be quiet, which allows me to move more quickly. The second I step into the bathroom, I remove the Disillusionment Charm and Apparate straight to Severus's chambers.

Severus is sitting on the sofa in the living room when I arrive but stands up the moment he sees me. "Has something happened? I wasn't expecting you to set up a—"

I throw my arms around him and bury my face into his chest, shaking my head vigorously. Already my body vibrates with the effort to suppress my sobbing. "I'm not all right," I whisper.

His arms fold around me, his hands rubbing my back soothingly. "Tell me what's going on." I just shake my head again and squeeze him tighter. "You're safe no," he says, as if he's afraid that's my issue right now. But it's not my safety that is my problem—it's Zoe's, of course. Well, her lack of safety that led to her death. Though I suppressed most of my sorrow throughout the day, now that I'm with him and no longer have to hide, I'm drowning in grief.

With a few deep breaths, I manage to pull myself together enough to give Severus a short explanation of what happened this morning and why I'm so upset about it. He frowns at me, his eyes sad, and simply offers me a few words of comfort and a warm hug. "I'm sorry, Charlotte," he says quietly. "One day it'll hurt less."

"I'll be fine," I say. "I just . . . wanted to see you." I offer a weak smile, my lips quivering a little bit despite my effort to stop it. "I don't know why. I was just hoping . . . I don't know. Being around you makes me feel better." My cheeks grow warm. "Do you mind?"

"No." He looks away for a moment. "There is something I need to finish in my office." Something he can't do in here? He always conjures up a desk or whatever to work in here. He must notice a look on my face because he adds, "A conversation with Professor Dumbledore."

I motion toward his office door. "Then by all means. I'm sorry to have inconvenienced you."

"Don't apologize. You couldn't have known."

I watch him leave, then take a seat on the sofa and reach into the bag I brought with me. Carefully positioned between two of the books I'll need for class in the morning is a small, unfinished painting. The sketch remains in my trunk and will stay there for safekeeping, but this is the actual painting of Zoe liberating me from Hogwarts and Severus that she began and did not finish. It's the one in which she is storming the castle to rescue me, swords and all, while Severus tries to grab me and stop me from hopping onto the hippogriff with her. I smile at it before carrying it to the wall just beside the window and hang it there with a sticking charm. Half of it is still colorless, its progress cut short when Zoe died. I smile at it.

Severus enters his quarters as I step away from the painting. "What is that?" he asks.

"Something that's important to me that I want to give to you. No need to thank me, but I even hung it up for you."

"Charlotte, I can't . . . I can't accept that."

"Why not?"

He comes to a stop beside me, his body heat warming my arm he's so close. "Miss Accrington made that for you."

I shrug. "I want you to have it. I don't know why. It just . . . it feels right somehow. I think she'd get a good laugh from it, if she knew it was hanging in the private chambers of the horrifying Death Eater headmaster of Hogwarts. And it's one of the few possessions of mine that actually means something to me, so I want you to have it."

"Charlotte—"

"Consider it a belated Christmas gift, yeah?"

He nods and presses the corner of it against the wall, then looks at me, his eyes sad. "You believe I will fail to save you from the Dark Lord's plan to kill you." I glance down at my feet. "And so you're giving me something to—"

"Don't say it."

He nods once. "The painting is wonderful. She was so very talented."

"Thanks, I thought so too. We were dead-set on trying to get me away from you." I slide my arm through his. "Damn, were we way off the mark on that one." I pull him toward the bedroom and sit down on the bed. He takes a seat next to me. "There's something you should know."

"By your tone I assume it's safe to say it's not good?"

"Yeah. It's about Daphne."

I take his hand and play with it between my own. "She . . . she knows I'm trying to get my father out of Azkaban."

"What?" he asks, his voice annoyed.

"That's not even the worst part." He huffs at me. "She had demanded that I take her with me to save him."

"Absolutely not."

"That's what I said, but she put up a fight and—"

"Do not tell me that you said yes, Charlotte. Don't say that to me."

"I . . . didn't tell her no."

He clenches his jaw. "Charlotte, you realize that I cannot allow—"

"I know, but she was adamant."

"She is a student!"

"So am I!"

"No, you're not. Don't compare the two of you," he says. "Those are completely different circumstances, and you know it. And you cannot claim to be a student when it suits you and then explain that you're not a student when it makes things easier for you."

"I know," I say, "I know it's not fair. I shouldn't have—I shouldn't have said that. I'm not a student. And she is. But I can't stop her. She's threatened to go to McGonagall."

He stands up, pulling his hand away from mine. "Charlotte, why would you even tell her that? What made you think it was a good idea to—do you realize how dangerous this is now? We might not even be able to—"

"I know, I know," I whisper. "I get it, I shouldn't have told her, but . . . I don't know, Severus, I miss having friends my age to tell things to. I miss…having someone like Zoe. I told her everything, and I guess I've . . . gravitated toward Daphne like that."

Severus's face seems to age years from the pained expression he now wears as he walks over to sit next to me. His eyes search my face continuously for a short, quiet moment. Then he says, "Do you want to be with her as you were with Zoe? Because if you want this"—he motions between the two of us—"to end, I'll understand. I won't be upset with you. You don't owe me anything."

"No, no." I take his hand again and pull my legs under myself and turn my whole body to face him better. "I thought once about—but . . . I was just grieving. It was right after Zoe's death." I smile at him. "I enjoy being around you and love our time together. I wouldn't trade it for anything." He gives my hand a kind squeeze, a smile threatening the corners of his mouth. "Unless . . . do you want to stop this? Is that what this is about?"

He shakes his head. "No."

"Are you sure?"

"Of course I'm sure."

"So, what do we do about Daphne?"

He sighs. "I'm not sure. She knows now, so we can't take that back. She doesn't know when we'll try to go though. She can't inform Minerva if she is unaware of our exact plans."

"Yes, but . . . why don't we just let her go with us?"

"Charlotte—"

"I'm serious. She can go with us. She can help. She says she can create a corporeal Patronus. Wouldn't it be better for us if there is a third person who can create that?"

"Of course it would, but we can't risk her life like that. Do you have any idea what would happen if she were to be killed in Azkaban? Do you want to risk her life? Do you think you could handle losing her?"

I place my forehead on the side of his shoulder. "I really don't want to lose her, Severus, but I don't want to leave my father in Azkaban. And if it comes down to it . . . I mean I'll do my best to keep her safe if she goes. But I just can't fathom the idea of leaving my dad in there."

"So we'll go without telling her," he says. "And then, by the time she tells McGonagall, it'll be too late to stop us."

I look away from him. "We could, but—well, another Patronus might even the odds a bit." Meaning there's less chance of Severus getting hurt, but this is something better not said right now.

"She's a student. I won't let her go."

"She's of age. She's an adult. Do you know anyone else who can create a Patronus who would be willing to go into Azkaban to rescue a Death Eater? This is dangerous, Severus."

"Which is why she cannot go."

"But it'll be safer if she goes." Safer for him. There's a better chance that he'll make it out alive, and I would give anything to ensure his safety, even if that means risking Daphne. And I hate myself for admitting that, even if I'm only admitting it to myself and not aloud. "I want you safe, Severus. She's an adult. She's the same age you were when half your year decided to join the Order and the other half decided to join the Death Eaters. I say let her make her own decision. No one has to know."

He's silent for a few minutes during which I do not try to speak, instead letting him ponder in silence, unsure if I even want to hear whatever he might say. After what feels like a small eternity, he says, "If she goes, I'll need some sort of disguise."

A smile pulls at the corner of my lips. "Like . . . a normal human transfiguration disguise or a Polyjuice Potion disguise?"

"Polyjuice is still the safest option, but it can't be Gideon Collins's hair anymore. If word got around to young Christopher that is father went to Azkaban to free Rodolphus Lestrange . . ."

"Well, I don't think anyone should find out that any of us went into Azkaban."

"What I mean is that it'd be unwise for Gideon Collins to be around Daphne when we're in Azkaban." He almost grins at me when he says, "I need you to steal some of Draco's hair."

"So Daphne can let slip to Astoria that Draco went into Azkaban?"

"It's better than her letting slip that Collins went into Azkaban."

I shrug, conceding that he might have a point because it'd make more sense for Draco to help me spring my father from Azkaban than it would for Mr. Collins to do so. "I mean, sure. But will Rabastan think you're still Mr. Collins?"

"Yes. I'll need him to believe that I'm Mr. Collins pretending to be Draco."

"So are you going to write Rabastan and let him know that you'll be going as Draco?"

"Probably."

"Probably?"

"The next Hogsmeade weekend is later this month. I believe you should write Rabastan and plan to meet him in the town. The two of you can get Draco's hair then, and then we'll break into Azkaban."

The heat drains from my body, an icy hand gripping my heart. "So soon? We're . . . we're breaking in so soon?"

"Is that not what you wanted?"

"It is, but I just can't stop—thinking about the last time I was there, you know?"

Severus smiles at me. "I won't let you get locked away in there again, Charlotte, you know that. So long as I'm alive, you'll never spend another night in that prison. You're safe."

I wrap my arms around him, almost relieved at his words. If anyone can protect me from Azkaban, it's Severus. He'll keep me safe. "I love you, Severus. You know that, don't you?"

He places his cheek on the top of my head. "The feeling is mutual."

"I don't think I could've made it through all of these months without you."

"Don't thank me too soon. We still have quite a while to make it through."

"Don't say that. Can we just pretend that this terrible war won't last more than a few more weeks? Can we just pretend that Harry and his friends are close to solving this whole issue?"

"If that's what you want."

"That is very much what I want. If I don't keep some sort of hope, then what's the point?"