A/N: Happy Birthday, Harry! :) Be advised that here be swearing and spoilers and queer relationships. (And remember to stay tolerant!)

A Friendly Gathering

by Dime

There was a knock on the door.

Harry gasped. No-one knocked on his door any more. Ever.

There was no-one to knock. Or rather: There was no-one. Period. About a century ago, the sixths and final nuclear world war had eradicated mankind, including every single witch and wizard, goblin, merman, centaur and other sentient being.

There were some snakes still around, to be fair; at least he occasionally had a conversation partner. But they never knocked.

Cautiously, Harry got up and opened the door.

He was faced with two seriously well-built men. Harry stared at them for a long time. They stared back. Finally, the blond one opened his mouth. "Happy birthday," he said.

"Hallelujah amen!" Harry shouted. "Thank Merlin, Morgana and all the unicorns in the forest!"

"Umh," the blond said.

Harry hit himself forcefully in the head to try and make himself think straight. It didn't work. Still, he got the vague idea that he was coming across as slightly unhinged. Made sense; he was. He didn't want these people - people! There were actual real-life people here! - to leave again, though, so he might need to downplay his craziness, or at least explain himself.

"I am so sorry," he hastened to say, "please do come in." He opened the door wide and let them into the palace he had appropriated - nobody else was there to lay claim to it any more. It wasn't the most comfortable living, but it was a) still standing and b) kinda fun, even after so many decades. Riding the royal bannisters was still great no matter how often he did it.

"Are you the one that sent out the call?" the dark-haired guy asked.

Harry beamed and turned around, walking backwards to face both of his guests while he talked. "Yes, yes that was me. And you heard it! You're here! There are still people in the world!" He couldn't help himself; he threw his arms around the scowling dark-haired man and kissed him on the cheek. "My name's Harry, by the way."

"I'm Steve," the blond introduced himself, "and this is Bucky."

Harry let go of 'Bucky' and took a step back. The man still frowned.

Harry directed them both into one of the still intact fancy sitting rooms and hurried into the adjacent kitchen to get some water and a few apples. All chock full of radiation, of course, but if it hadn't killed them yet, it probably wouldn't now. So he offered them around.

Bucky took one, without thanks and with another glare. He bit into it viciously. Steve accepted only a glass of water, but thanked Harry effusively. Harry figured he was being polite enough for both of them.

"How did you send that call?" Steve asked, after a few sips of the slightly glowing water.

"Magic," Harry said, "and boredom and a helluva lot of luck. Where did it reach you?"

"Canada," Bucky growled. "They always said things were better in Canada. Well, ain't nobody there to lay such claims these days, but we figured might still be worth seeing, right?"

"Wow," Harry said, "colour me impressed. That is rather far from England. I am suddenly so very glad that I said to meet here a year later. Otherwise, you couldn't possibly have made it on time and I might not even have been home!" He blinked. "But even so, how did you get here?"

There were no planes now, no ships, nothing at all that ran on any sort of fuel or electricity. Also, no-one to man them. And a broom or apparition could only take a wizard so far.

"We sailed," Steve said with an easy smile.

"What, across the ocean?" Harry said, wide-eyed.

"People used to do that all the time," Steve shrugged. "Also, we had a year to learn how to navigate a boat, so..." He spread his hands in a 'so there' gesture. "Actually, we got here a couple of weeks early and went sight-seeing."

"I... see," Harry said. He supposed that despite the various types of bombs destroying at least half of London, there were still a lot of sights left standing. He imagined the two Americans strolling through the rubble looking awed by the still upright half of the Tower Bridge, the Tower itself spilling grey brick into the Thames like pus from a boil and he just couldn't quite see it. But no matter. They were here!

He tried to keep the mad, happy giggles inside. Two people, learning how to sail across the ocean and then actually doing it, just to meet him!

There was another knock on the door.

"Holy Hobbits, there's even more people!" Harry jumped up and raced to the door. He noticed the two men were hot on his heels. Well, if they'd only had each other for company for the last ninety-eight years, they might be nearly as starved for human interaction as he was. Harry beamed. This had been a brilliant idea!

When he opened the door, there was another tall, well-built man looking down at him. The newcomer was blond and tall, but that was about all Harry could say about his genetic make-up. He looked like he might have European roots, but not quite; or maybe Indian, but not exactly; also, he looked possibly Asian, except not really. Tall though. Ugh. "Guys," Harry said, "is everyone left alive taller and fitter than me? I'm starting to have a minor inferiority complex."

"Are you the one who sent out the distress call, then?" the stranger asked. "I have to admit I always hated this Age most, so I can understand if you-"

"Distress-?!" Harry asked, incredulous. "It was an invitation to my birthday party!"

Behind him, Steve chuckled. "You might not recall your exact wording, uh, Harry, but you certainly sounded distressed."

"If anyone's still alive in this bloody wasteland that our fucking moronic fellow supposedly sentient beings turned this planet into, come meet me at Buckingham Palace, London, England on July 31st, 2243," Barnes quoted in a voice so flat it vividly brought back to Harry's mind his own desperate shouting at the time. "It would kill me to spend another birthday on my own. Oh wait, no it won't because I CAN'T FUCKING DIE! - Shouted at top volume inside our heads. Thanks for that, by the way," he said with another unfriendly glower.

"So yes," Steve said to the stranger, "he is the one that called. My name's Steve, by the way."

"Rand," the new guy said. "And let me say it is refreshing to be speaking with actual people again."

"Likewise," Harry said. "I'm Harry." They shook hands. Steve once again made Bucky's introductions for him while the man himself kept quietly glowering. Harry was just about to close the huge front door when he saw a figure appearing down the road. "Look at that, there's even more of us."

The four men stood together silently waiting for the slender, tall - "Again," Harry grumbled - young person to approach. When the newcomer was close enough for a greeting, they shouted out to them with a strong Asian accent: "Hey! Glad to see I'm not entirely alone down here. So what did you folks do to be barred from the afterlife?"

"I gathered up the wrong trinkets and somehow they added up to immortality," the Master of Death said gloomily. "And now I can't get rid of them for the life of me. Hah, life!"

"This punk here was dumb enough to volunteer to be a lab rat for the US army back in the 1900s," Bucky snarked. "Me, I didn't volunteer, but stupid Nazis did me anyway."

"Huh," Rand said. "I was reborn powerful and somehow by defeating the Dark One got even more so, hence when I sacrificed myself to save the world, I somehow fell out of the regular cycle of the Wheel and apparently now I cannot die."

Steve frowned. "Wait, you also sacrificed yourself?"

"You mean you did, too?" the latest arrival asked, only to demur: "I mean, I did not sacrifice myself to save the world, I was killed. But then I came back and I do believe the world is better off with the changes I've made since." There was an odd smile on their face at the words. "Does that count?"

"I think it counts," said Harry morosely. "Because, yes, I did not exactly kill myself either."

"Okay, hands up everyone: Who here died to save the world or at least their little corner of it?" Bucky asked, looking as put-out as a cat in a bathtub.

Every hand except Bucky's went up. The man's general glower intensified.

"Me too, me too," a voice shouted from down the road. A girl with blond hair and some really nice, form-hugging clothes was jogging towards them.

"Did someone mention coming back from the dead to try and fix this rotten world?" a tired voice joined in from the other side. "Yeah, been there, done that."

"Huh." Harry'd had no idea that was such a common theme. Was dying to save the world a requirement for becoming immortal? If so, Voldemort seriously never stood a chance.

Although… the glowering, kind of murderous looking Bucky supposedly hadn't. Was that true or just an extreme case of denial?

Harry was distracted from his musings by the blonde girl – Buffy? Buffy and Bucky? Maybe having a weird-ass name also made people qualified for immortality, on account of having suffered like a saint since childhood – shoving a bottle at him. "Here, for the birthday boy!" She beamed at him. Harry wondered how she'd identified him as the host, but then realized he was the only one with a British accent.

He looked down at the label and whistled. It had taken him several years to work his way through the palace's wine cellar, but he remembered that one with particular fondness. "Thanks, er, Buffy? This is great! Where did you get it?"

Buffy wagged a finger in his face. "Ah-ah! Never ask a girl her secrets."

A girl.

Harry looked around at all his birthday guests with dawning horror. Triggered by his reaction to her words, so did Buffy. "Bless you, lady, you are one courageous woman," Harry whispered.

Buffy was the only living woman in a world filled with very, very lonely men.

"You are a guy, too, right?" Harry tactlessly asked the Asian fellow in a whispered aside.

"I mostly identify as male, yes," they replied with the kind of amusement that hinted at a deep inside joke for which this didn't seem to be the right time. This did, however, seem exactly the right time to consider the fact that everyone except Buffy was, indeed, male.

"Meep," made Buffy and went to hide behind Harry.

Bucky scoffed. "Might be better off hiding behind us, kid. Stevie and I bat for both teams, but we're kind of monogamous. You got nothing to fear from us, is what I'm saying."

Rand…? Yes, Rand, the odd fellow who'd been talking about ages and the wheel of… fortune? quietly added: "I have been alone for an entire age many times before. I know the ages of plenty will return eventually and I do not require company to retain my sanity." He chuckled darkly. "Such as it is."

The Asian guy spoke up next. "I've been in love with my wonderful Sara since I first learned what love is and while she's no longer walking this earth with me, she is still the only woman I'll ever want."

Buffy slowly emerged from behind Harry's back and looked around at the gathered men with wide eyes. "But… but… Does that mean that nobody here wants me?!" This appeared to be a heretofore unknown phenomenon for the attractive young woman and it visibly rocked her world.

Harry coughed. So did the quiet guy who had come in last. They gestured at each other, then both spoke at the same time: "I wouldn't say that nobody-"

They both broke off, both tried to let the other go first, then accidentally both spoke in tandem again:

"I don't think I introduced -"

"Allow me to -"

Blinking, they both fell quiet. Then, of-fucking-course because this was his life, both started speaking at the same time yet again. "My name is Harry."

"I'm a wizard?" Harry tried, wanting to somehow distinguish himself from the other Harry. But the guy only nodded and cheerfully agreed: "Wizard."

Buffy, who had been following their bumbling attempts at introducing themselves with growing delight, looked back and forth between the two of them with a certain hunger in her gaze. "I think I can work with that."

Harry looked at the other Harry and saw his own thoughts mirrored in his eyes: Please, god, yes and thank you!

While everyone was busy looking at the newly forming happy triad, a late guest used the unobserved moment to extend his intergalactic thumb and quietly return to the Heart of Gold. Thank god humanity isn't restarted by hairdressers from Golgafrincham this time around, thought Arthur Dent.

A/N:

In order of appearance:

Harry Potter (Harry Potter)

Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes (Marvel)

Rand al'Thor (The Wheel of Time)

Setsuna/Alexiel (Angel Sanctuary)

Buffy Summers (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)

Harry Dresden (The Dresden Files)

I know there are plenty of other characters around who sacrificed themselves to save the world and/or came back from the dead to make the world a better place (or who totally would have, anyway) or failed to die in some way or have always been somewhat outside the normal passage of time.

Think Neo, Tom Bombadil, Dr. Who, Deadpool, Wolverine, Death, Rhapsody and Achmed, possibly Percy Jackson, Highlander (disregarding the sequels), Daniel Jackson… But I wanted to write a cute short fic, not an epic monster so these chosen few are all you're getting.

Feel free to write spin-offs where others come to join the party, though, or leave a few lines in the comments about how you think those meetings would go. : ) I imagine a bitching contest about who's oldest could be fun, for example - with Rand asking Rhapsody which Age birthed her, since he's seen *several* full rotations of the Wheel by now... while Tom Bombadil is silently chuckling in the background. :D

As always, constructive criticism is highly welcome!