When Sasori saw there were new neighbors moving in across the street last week, he intended to treat them the exact way he treated all of his neighbors.
Completely ignore their existence.
He had zero care for who they were, how many there were, or even what they looked like. He had far better things to do with his time anyway. Like perfecting his latest sculpture, or dabbling in his latest interest. Or figuring out how to permanently keep the nuisance known as Deidara out of his house.
Which is why when his doorbell rang on a Thursday afternoon, he was slightly confused and mostly annoyed. Deidara had already snuck in through the back door (not that the fool ever bothered with a doorbell anyway), which left the only option Sasori could come up with as a solicitor. He had all intents and purposes to ignore them as well when the doorbell chimed five times in a row in an impatient sort of symphony.
"You gonna get that, yeah?" Deidara had clearly made himself at home as evident by the lounging on his sofa and the blonde's fingers covered in chip dust as he watched who-cares-what on the TV.
Eyes cut to slits in his ire at the sheer audacity of both annoying parties, the red head wiped the linseed oil off his hands on a nearby towel before practically stomping to his front door. He fully expected some well-dressed moron with a clipboard or a flier to be standing on the other side, and he was prepared to appropriately tell them to fuck off, please, but stopped short as he slung the door open.
No well-dressed moron to be found, but a…Little girl? Her dark hair was cropped into a bob that stopped just above her shoulders, her face practically overtaken by her red glasses. Her arms were crossed in obvious displeasure as she scowled.
Deducing she must be selling something, though finding it peculiar he saw no parent around, Sasori decided to handle this situation in a similar fashion as he would any other: With aggression. "I'm not interested."
The girl tilted her head and cocked a dark brow. "Not interested in what?"
As if playing dumb would work on him. "In whatever it is you're selling."
This only seemed to confuse her further. Maybe he miscalculated? "Um, I'm not selling anything? My name is Sarada; I live across the street." She hooked a thumb over her shoulder to point at the house. He had a bad feeling about this. "I locked myself out and I was wondering if I could use your phone to contact my mom?"
This had to be a joke. Or some poor attempt at one. "Why don't you use your own phone to call your mom?"
The girl didn't like that response, as her scowl grew deeper. "Mom says I'm too young to have a phone," she sneered.
He was about to respond when he noticed that Deidara, who obviously found it impossible to help himself, slunk from the living room and into the conversation. "Who's the kid, yeah?"
"I'm Sarada. I live over there." She again pointed to the house across the street. "And I'm trying to find some responsible adult," she glared at him specifically. If she thought him an IRresponsible adult over Deidara, she was in for a rude awakening. "That will let me contact my mom to get back into my house so I can finish my homework and eat my snack. Maybe you know one?"
Deidara smirked, which was never a good sign. "Why, my man Sasori here would be glad to help you out, Sarada! He's a real generous guy, you know?"
She eyed him and Deidara dubiously. "I don't know about that." It seemed she had some sense, at least.
The blonde waved his hand dismissively. "Nonsense. Come on in; the phone is on the table." He made a sweeping gesture for her to enter.
The girl, however, didn't budge. "I may be a kid, but I'm not dumb," she scoffed, crossing her arms. "How do I know you two aren't creepy old pervs that are trying to kill me or something?"
He was equal parts offended and impressed. "If I wanted to kill you, why would I waste time trying to get you to go away?" He mirrored her stance, leveling his gaze at her. He wasn't above staring contests with children. Especially considering he could not blink for at least two minutes. Good luck, little girl.
He could see her pondering his response as she continued to try and secure victory against him. And then she blinked. Amateur. "I guess that's true. Fine, I'll come in. But just know that I know self-defense and I'm not afraid to hurt either one of you." She glared at him before glancing at Deidara again. "Though you don't look like much of a threat."
He had to hold back a chuckle as Deidara sputtered indignantly. As much as Sasori despised children, this Sarada was slowly not seeming so bad. After all, 'the enemy of my enemy is my friend.'
After the three entered and made it to the living room, Deidara handed Sarada a phone, the screen already unlocked. Specifically, Deidara handed her his phone. His eyebrow twitched. "Why didn't you give her yours?"
"She asked for yours, my man," he shrugged, grinning like the absolute fool he was.
Not for the first time in their many years of acquaintance he wondered how probable it would be to get away with murder. "You're an idiot."
He saw Sarada tapping on the screen, but it didn't quite look like she was making a phone call. "You guys have a weird relationship," she quipped, side-eying them. "You must have been together a long time."
He didn't like the implication of that statement. "What does that mean?"
Sarada looked up from the screen at him, brow furrowed in confusion. "Huh? This guy is your boyfriend, right?"
He was mentally reeling with revulsion while Deidara died of laughter. A shame he couldn't just die.
"Sasori wishes he could date this!" Deidara howled, tears leaking from his visible eye. He failed to see the humor.
He leveled the other man with the worst stare he could muster. "I'd sooner prefer a lobotomy."
Sarada tilted her head again. "What's a lobotomy?"
This gave him pause. Should he…? No, best not. "Google it." Time for a subject change. "I thought you had to call your mom."
She scoffed. "No, I said I had to contact her." Her tone implied that he was the idiot here. Little brat. "I sent her the emergency page, so she should call soon."
Deidara, having calmed from his fit of laughter, scoffed this time. "Page? What, like she's some kind of doctor or something, yeah?"
Sarada clearly didn't appreciate his attempt to tease. "For your information," she began, all attitude. "She is the head surgeon at Konoha General."
Well, that was unexpected. During his tenure at Suna's main hospital, there were few female doctors, let alone surgeons, and even fewer that were qualified enough to be heads of the department. What kind of woman was Sarada's mother, he wondered idly, to not only meet the standards, but to be raising a small child on top of that? Well, not that Sarada was small, per se. She had to be close to 10, he assumed.
Deidara and Sarada were engaged in some type of argument he wasn't paying any mind to when the phone rang. Sarada glanced at the number, stating "Oh, that's my mom," before accepting the call. Why the intruders in his house felt so at home to be doing whatever they chose was beyond him.
"Hi Mom," she greeted. A pause. "Yeah, I did, so I went to the neighbor across the street." She paused again. "Yeah, he's right here. Hold on." She thrusted the phone in his direction. "My mom wants to talk to you."
He sighed. This was becoming more of a hassle than he wanted to deal with. "Hello."
"Hi there!" The first thing he noticed was how pleasant her voice was. Like the kind you could listen to on a radio station or audio book. "My name is Sakura, and I'm sure you've gathered that we're your new neighbors." Unfortunately. "I'm so sorry for the trouble; Sarada had a…Strange friendship with the guy that lived across the street at our old house, so she would go there when she needed help." He sincerely hoped she wasn't implying he would be Sarada's new 'strange neighbor friend.' "I won't be able to send anyone to come let her in, but I get off shift in less than an hour. I know this is a lot to ask, but would it be okay for her to stay with you until I get home? I don't mind paying you for watching her."
He glanced over at Sarada, who was back at odds with Deidara, and apparently winning if his face was any indication, as he contemplated this Sakura's request. Did he really want to put himself into the position to be seen as reliable? If Sarada stayed here, she might take that as invitation to continue pestering him, and he already had too many pests around here to tolerate that.
Then again, the woman had offered to compensate him for his time. Extra money for his craft, he supposed. And Sarada wasn't terrible.
"Yes, that's fine," he finally answered. "She can stay here."
"Oh great! Thank you so much!" she gushed. "You have no idea how much I appreciate this. Sarada is very well-behaved, so she shouldn't be any issue."
Remembering Sarada's concern with safety, he found it odd her mother didn't seem to share it. "Although, I must say you have a lot of faith in someone you don't even know to watch your daughter," he commented off-handedly.
She laughed, and he hated how much he liked it. "Ah, well, Sarada knows self-defense and she's not afraid to snap a neck if need be. In fact, she's rather fascinated with the concept. So, you're welcome to try." Why did he feel a type of thrill at her casually threatening his life? "Anyway, I have to go do a consultation, but I'll be home within the hour. Thanks again!" The line disconnected and Sasori stared at the dark phone.
What had he willingly just gotten involved in?