A Night At Endora's

by Cornflower1999

Only four months married, the Stephens agree to housesit for Endora under Darrin's one condition: Sam must promise not to use witchcraft the entire time. But when the impassioned newlyweds' amorous antics accidentally lead to a smashed window, things go south very quickly. Can they fix the window sans magic before Endora returns? If they can't, how will they explain the damage?

One night in January, Darrin arrived home from work, his arms loaded with a beautiful bouquet of pink roses for his wife. Quietly, he snuck into the kitchen.

"Happy anniversary, Sam!" he exclaimed, coming up behind Samantha as she cooked dinner.

"Oh, Darrin!" Samantha's face lit up with surprise and delight as she took the bundle of flowers into her arms. "They're beautiful! And they smell beautiful too!" She took a good long whiff of the pink blooms. "But… anniversary?"

"Yes, indeed!" Darrin responded. "Tomorrow is our four-month anniversary! I thought I'd get the celebration started early."

"Our four month anniversary." Samantha smiled. "How could I forget? Oh, Darrin, thank you. I love them. Let me put them in some water. They can be our centerpiece at dinner tonight."

"Sounds perfect," Darrin said. Then he yawned. "Oh, I'm beat."

"You look tired, sweetheart. Long day at work?"

"You can only imagine. Things are so busy right now with the Just Peachy padded panties account. Don't tell anyone I said so, but that Mr. Thictush really is a piece of work."

"Poor Darrin. Why don't you go upstairs and lie down for a while? I'll come get you when dinner is ready. It won't be long now."

Darrin yawned again. "I think I'll take you up on that. See you in a little while."

As soon as Darrin was upstairs and out of earshot, Endora suddenly appeared there in the kitchen (surprise, surprise). She materialized sitting on top of the kitchen table behind Samantha, who was still busy mixing something at the counter.

"Well, well, what's for dinner tonight? It looks… revolting."

"Mother," said Samantha without even turning around, "Long time, no see. It's chicken salad. Darrin loves it."

"That's chicken salad?" It sounded more like a remark than a question.

"Yeees."

Still staring at the mixing bowl, Endora shook her head. "The lies new husbands tell to flatter their women."

Samantha sighed in mild exasperation. "Mother, why exactly are you here?"

"Well, I- " Endora began. But her explanation was abruptly cut off by a tiny mew!

Surprised, Sam turned around to see that her mother was holding a tiny kitten in her lap.

"Oh, Mother!" she exclaimed, all smiles. "Is this your new kitten?!"

"Yes," Endora smiled proudly. She held up the little ball of fluff for Samantha to see. "This is Jade. I thought I'd bring her by for a visit. Jadey, this is your big sister Samantha."

Jade was mostly white with some golden brown and black patches at the top of her head and by one ear. Her light brown tail darkened to black at the tip, and she had big, grey, soulful eyes. A silk purple bow was tied primly around her neck.

"Oh, she's adorable!" Samantha gushed. "May I hold her?"

Endora nodded and handed the kitten over. Jade mewed at Samantha and bumped her little pink nose against Sam's.

Endora had adopted Jade a week ago. The kitten had turned up at Cloud Eight one night, a lonely, hungry stray, and Endora had taken her in. Now a permanent charge of Endora's, Jade was being spoiled rotten with her new owner, and Endora was so taken by the kitten that Sam and Darrin hadn't seen her all week. "Gee, your mother should have gotten a cat a long time ago," Darrin had remarked sarcastically the other day.

Sam cooed over the kitten and stroked her downy-soft fur, smiling.

"Mother, she's simply beautiful. I'm so glad I finally get to meet her."

"Yes, well, she takes after her ma-ma," Endora smiled. But anyway, darling, I did come here to ask you something."

Samantha handed Jade back, rolling her eyes. "Of course. What is it, Mother?" Where did Endora want her to go this time? Lunch in the Mediterranean? Shopping in London?

"Well, see," Endora began to explain, "They've called an emergency meeting of the Witches' Council tomorrow and they want me there. Top-secret business. Don't ask. Thing is, the meeting is early Saturday morning, but they want us there Friday night, to make sure everyone is there on time. I'll spend the night there, go to the meeting in the morning, and then go home. But I can't very well take Jade with me, and I don't want to leave her alone, so I was wondering… would you kitten-sit?"

"Of course, Mother. Darrin and I would be happy to have Jade here."

"Oh, not here, Samantha. She's not used to it here. You'll spend the night at my place. I'd rather she be in familiar, comfortable surroundings. That will make it easier for her while her ma-ma is gone."

"You mean, stay at Cloud Eight?"

"No, no, not Cloud Eight. You'll stay at my seaside vacation cottage. Jade and I have been staying there all week. I feel it's a homier place to bring up a kitten."

"Oh…" Sam said, "Well, I don't know, Mother. It sounds alright to me but I'll have to talk it over with Darrin. I don't know if he'll be up for it."

Endora's countenance instantly soured as if someone had just squished mashed potatoes in her face.

"You're bringing HIM?"

"Of course. He's my husband. You forget, I'm married now."

"Oh, fine," Endora exhaled dramatically. Sam heard her mutter something under her breath about "Durwood" stinking up the cottage.

Still, Sam only smiled pleasantly. "Thank you for understanding, Mother. Now… dinner is ready, so I'm going to go get Darrin. Would you like to stay and eat with us?"

For a brief moment, Endora actually looked pleased, but then something changed, like she suddenly remembered that she was supposed to act disgusted.

"No… Dagwood might spoil my appetite."

"He's really not that bad, you know," Samantha said, "If only you'd just get to know him, you would see."

"If you say so," Endora replied shrewdly, but she was clearly not convinced. "Come, come, Jade. It's time to go home. Your brother-in-law is coming."

Fast forward several minutes, and Samantha and Darrin were sitting together at the dining room table, enjoying dinner by candlelight. Samantha decided it was the perfect time to bring up the cat-sitting issue.

"Darrin?" she said, folding her cloth napkin into her lap.

"Yes?"

"While you were up in the bedroom, Mother popped in."

Darrin let his elbow thud down onto the table with his fork still in his fist. It was like all the light in his being was immediately sucked out the second he heard the word "Mother".

"Well, well, what a surprise. She stayed away long enough. I guess it was high time."

"Darrin…"

"Sorry, Sam. Okay, tell me: What did she want?"

"Well, um… You know that new kitten she's adopted? Jade?"

"The wonderful creature that's been keeping her nose out of our business all week? Of course."

"Mother has to go away for the night tomorrow. Witches' Council business. She doesn't want to leave the kitten alone, so she asked if we could take care of it while she's away."

Darrin seemed relieved that that was all it was. He went back to digging into his meal.

"Sure, honey. We can take the cat for the night. It'll be kinda fun having a kitten around the house."

"See, that's the thing, sweetheart. The kitten's not coming here. We're going to the kitten."

"You mean stay at your mother's place?! Where does your mother live, anyway?!"

"Well, right now she's staying at her vacation cottage by the beach. Says it's a homier place to raise a kitten. So, that's where we'll be staying, if we take her up on this."

"She's staying there right now? Where does she stay normally?"

Samantha pointed up towards the heavens. "Cloud Eight."

Darrin made some kind of incredulous, dramatic gesture and rolled his eyes. "I don't know about this, honey. It'd be fine if the kitten was staying here, but having to spend the night somewhere else… it's kind of an inconvenience."

"You know," Samantha said, "It might not be so bad. We could make a night out of it. I'll make us a wonderful dinner. We can light the fireplace and have drinks in front of the fire. The place has a fantastic view of the ocean, and a lovely patio. Just think- a seaside vacation cottage all to ourselves. It would be the perfect way to celebrate our four month anniversary. Don't you think?"

Darrin finally looked like he might be warming up to the idea. "Well, when you put it that way… This cottage, it's on normal, mortal land, right? It's not up in the clouds or in some kind of weird witchy dimension, right?"

"Completely normal, mortal land. I can promise you that. In fact, it's not far from here," Samantha assured him.

"Well, in that case…" He pretended to look thoughtful for a moment, then smiled. "Let's finish our dinner and then pack your bags! I couldn't think of a better way to celebrate our four month anniversary!"

Sam looked delighted.

"But wait," he added, "I'll go on one condition- You have to promise me you won't use witchcraft the entire time we're there. Is it a deal?"

Samantha didn't hesitate. "It's a deal."

"Then the kitten sitters are on it!"

The following evening at five sharp, the Stephens arrived at Endora's charming little Tudor-style vacation cottage by the sea. After the exchange of a two-page list full of Jade's care instructions and a tender, emotional goodbye with her furry little darling ("Make sure your brother-in-law doesn't step on you, Jadey. He's clumsy and has over-large feet.") Endora finally popped out to her Witches' Council meeting, leaving Darrin, Samantha, and the kitten alone in the cottage.

The Stephens couple settled in, then spent some time playing with little Jade. While they played, Darrin enjoyed looking out the two large French windows over the fireplace. Sam had been right. The cottage really did have a perfect view of the ocean and surrounding natural landscape. After a while, Jade wanted to go outside. They followed her out the side door and explored the patio and garden.

When they came back in, Sam immediately busied herself boiling spaghetti and making marinara sauce from scratch using a cookbook. But tonight, she wasn't alone in the kitchen. Darrin was making the meatballs. His "special Stephens family recipe", he called it.

After pan-frying a quick asparagus side dish, dinner was all ready. Samantha set the table and put something romantic in the record player. She lit candles and poured wine and filled a vase with flowers. Darrin lit the fireplace and cut up some meatballs for Jade. It was the perfect atmosphere, and they were both glad they had come to kitten-sit for Endora after all. They couldn't have had a better mini-vacation had they spent the night in an actual hotel.

With the atmosphere so perfect, it was hard not to feel amorous under the circumstances, especially when you were an impassioned newlywed. So the second they were done with dinner, Darrin asked his wife how she had liked his meatballs, to which she responded that she liked them just fine.

"If you liked my meatballs," Darrin said, "You're going to love my sausage."

Things got heated very quickly. One thing led to another, and before they knew it, they were full-on bumping uglies on the kitchen counter in the glow of the candlelight and the hearth.

Only, Darrin made the love motion too hard, and, in doing so, he shoved Sam up against the row of heavy ceramic canisters that sat right behind her on the counter. Her keister slammed into the canisters, which in turn slammed into the window behind them. Glass shattered with a powerful punch. Sam shrieked. They heard something fall out the window and also break.

And just like that, all the passion and romance was sucked out of the room faster than if someone had farted. The unimaginable had happened, the ultimate disaster: They had broken Endora's window. They had broken it doing the horizontal tango.

Immediately, they disengaged from each other and gawked at the damage.

"Oh, my stars!" Sam exclaimed, her mouth dropping open as she quickly covered up.

The biggest, heaviest cannister had gone right through the window, leaving a gaping, jagged hole in the glass. Samantha leaned towards the broken window and saw the cannister in pieces outside on the ground. The shards of ceramic lay amongst a mess of tiny, slimy, gelatinous beads. Apparently, this canister was where Mother kept her eyes of newt.

Sam turned back to Darrin, who had also since covered up. He was staring at what they had done with the ultimate look of dismay on his face.

"Don't worry," she said, "I'll fix it with-"

"NOPE! NOPE! No, you don't! What did I tell you before we came here? On WHAT SINGLE CONDITION did I say I would come under?"

"But, Darrin! If I don't fix it, Mother will come home and find her window broken! We'll have to explain how we broke it! She'll kill us! She'll kill y-"

"WHAT did you promise me before we came here?!"

Sam sighed. "That I wouldn't use any witchcraft the entire time we're here."

"That's right! Look, I even have it in writing." Darrin reached into his pocket and whipped out a folded-up piece of paper, which he opened up and shoved in her face.

I promise I will not use witchcraft the entire time we are at Mother's cottage, read the ink pen letters in Samantha's cursive, followed by her signature and the date. Samantha Gertrude Stephens, 1/16/64.

"Mm-hm, that's right," Darrin said as she read it. "Now, how 'bout a bonus question? What did you say to me four months ago on our wedding night?Hmmm?"

Samantha sighed dramatically once again. "I'm not gonna do anymore witchcraft for your sake," she recited glumly for the 50,000th time in four months. She sounded like when you're in a classroom full of third graders, and the principal comes in, and the children are forced to (emotionlessly) greet the principal. Good MOOOR-ning Mr. Joooooones.

"Right again!" said Darrin with mock-chipperness. "And in case you need reminding in the future, I have that here in writing too!" He flipped over the paper. There in his writing were the exact words his wife had just delivered, followed by a dash mark and "Samantha, 9/17/63."

"You actually carry that around with you?"

"No, not usually, but today and tomorrow morning I do, in case I have to remind you of our agreement. Anyway. Now that we have that cleared up, we are going to find a solution for this the mortal way, without magic. You know, honey, I think this will be good for you. It'll be a good lesson on how to problem solve without using that hocus-pocus."

"How are we gonna do that?" asked Sam, ever the voice of reason.

For the first time in three minutes, Darrin actually stopped talking. It was like it finally hit him. Fixing this broken window issue sans witchcraft was a lot easier said than done.

"I don't know," he said at last, almost sighing, "I… I'm gonna go put a sweater on. It's getting chilly in here. Then we'll figure something out."

Samantha started following him towards the stairs.

"I'm changing into something warmer too."

The hole in the window really was letting in a draft.

"Oh, honey, your undies are still on the floor. Might want to pick those up."

"Oh. Thanks."

Five minutes later, they were both back downstairs at the kitchen counter, Darrin in his sweater and Samantha in her blouse and slacks instead of the dress she had worn before. Both were eyeing the damage, silently trying to think up a way to fix this mess before Endora got back. Samantha stared outside at the broken cannister and the spilled eyes of newt on the earth below.

"Do you remember," Darrin finally said, "New Year's Eve last year at your apartment? I accidentally broke that vase in half."

"Yes, I remember that," Samantha replied. "Wasn't that the night you gave me crabs?"

"Was that the night I gave you crabs?"

"Pretty sure."

"Right… I guess it was. Anyway, you remember that I glued the vase back together with craft glue and it was good as new?"

"Oh, yes. You were so embarrassed. I was dying to just fix the thing with witchcraft and save you the trouble. But that was before you knew I was a witch."

"I'll bet you were. But I was thinking, maybe I could do something similar here."

"Darrin, that was an opaque vase that broke in half. This is a clear glass window that shattered into about twenty pieces. It's a lot more complicated. I don't think craft glue will cut it this time."

"Yes, but that's just the general idea. We could use something stronger than craft glue."

"Hmm… You mean like…" Sam started fishing around in one of the kitchen drawers, then grabbed something and held it up. "…Super glue?"

"Yes, that's perfect! Boy, that's the biggest tube of super glue I've ever seen in my life!" The tube was about the size of a Big Stick Popsicle and enscibed with the words JUMBO DELUXE SIZE. "Why does your mother keep super glue when she can just fix things with magic?"

"You're in luck," Samantha replied, "A lot of magical potions these days call for super glue."

After a few more minutes of brainstorming, they came up with a plan. First, Darrin would go outside and gather up the broken canister, the eyes of newt, and the pieces of window that had fallen outside. Sam would stay in and pick up the shards of window in the kitchen. Darrin would super glue the canister together, which would be easier than gluing the window because it was smaller and hadn't broken into so many pieces. After that, they'd combine efforts to fix the window together. Darrin would glue the pieces together, and Sam would hold them in place till they dried.

All this took about an hour and a half. To both their shock, the super glue actually worked on the window. But although it was in one piece again, it looked terrible. Not only was it still very obvious the glass had been badly busted, but there was also dried up, chafed-looking super glue gunk between each little glued-together piece.

To cover this up, it was Darrin, brilliant-minded adman that he was, who came up with the answer.

"We'll make Endora a welcome back poster," he said, "We'll decorate it real pretty with markers, and then we'll tape it over the damaged part of the window. She's bound to be touched by it, so she probably won't take it down for a couple of days. You know my friend Kermit from work?"

"Yes," Sam yawned, trying to stay awake.

"Well, you probably didn't know this, but his hobby is window work. He's real good at it. I'll call him up and have him fix the window tomorrow night while Endora's sleeping. I know it's very short notice and quite an order, but I know he'll do it for me, especially if I pay him."

"Darrin," Samantha said, rubbing her tired eyes. It was so late. "Wouldn't it just be easier to fix it with witchcraft?"

"Are you kidding?" He sounded as if she had just suggested he waltz into his office nekkid Monday morning. "You made a promise, Sam, and I'm gonna hold you to it!"

That was that.

Three quarters of an hour later, Darrin finally taped the finished product to the window while a sleepy Sam sat on the counter beside him and watched.

"Voila! See, what did I tell you? It covers it up perfectly!"

The poster they had created together was made from a large sheet of cardstock they'd found in the basement. Right across the middle, big capital letters in a rainbow of colors spelled out "WELCOME HOME, MOTHER!". Together they had sprawled on the living room floor and decorated it with rainbows, flowers, stars- you name it. Darrin had turned the O in "welcome" into a smiley face. Sam had drawn pointed ears, whiskers, and a little face on the final O to turn it into Jade's head.

"Looks, great, doesn't it?" Darrin continued. "Endora will never know! First thing in the morning, I'll call Kermit and- "

Snooore.

Darrin turned around and saw his wife slumped over right there on the countertop in some kind of face-down/on her side position, snoring gently. Apparently, she hadn't been able to stay awake a moment longer.

For a moment, he thought about waking her up, but ultimately decided not to. He was so tired himself, he didn't think he could make it through the going-upstairs, washing-up, putting-on-PJs routine either. So instead, he checked on little Jade, who'd passed out hours ago in a comfortable armchair by the fire, then promptly dropped on the couch and passed out himself. He said a quick prayer that Sam wouldn't fall off the counter and break her neck, then was out like a light for hours and hours and hours.

…

He woke to daylight streaming through the windows and the sound of his wife caterwauling his name over and over in acute distress.

"Darrin! Darrin! Darrindarrindarrindarriiiiin!"

Oh, my God! Had she actually fallen off the counter and broken her neck?! Darrin was up in a nanosecond.

Fortunately, he quickly realized that what he had feared was not the case. In fact, Sam was still on the countertop, lying in much the same position she had fallen asleep in. But something didn't look right.

"What's wrong?!" he asked urgently, rushing over to her.

"Darrin! I'm stuck!"

"What do you mean you're stuck?" Darrin's brain was still not quite awake.

"I fell asleep on top of that giant tube of super glue. I guess it broke open while I was sleeping and now…" She grunted, still straining to remove herself from the counter. "…I'm stuck!"

"My God…" Darrin breathed, running his hand through his messy bed head.

By this time, Jade was also up and had joined her sitters in the kitchen. Looking perturbed, she perched on her tiny hind legs and sniffed Samantha's arm, which dangled off the counter.

Darrin took a closer look and saw that Sam was absolutely right. The huge tube of super glue had indeed broken open beneath her. Dried, rock-hard glue pooled about a foot wide under her, binding a large portion of her clothing to the counter like… well, like super glue. One of her palms, fingers and all, was also covered in glue and stuck flat to the tile.

"Did it go through your clothes? Is your skin stuck too?" Darrin asked.

"I think so."

"Holy…" Darrin put his palms over his eyes in disbelief. What a way to wake up.

"Darrin, you have to let me unstuck myself with witchcraft! Breaking the window is one thing, but getting glued to the counter… this is an emergency! It's almost 11 AM! Mother's going to be here any minute!"

Darrin let her words sink in. "Okay… Okay, you're right. Go ahead. Unstick yourself."

Samantha looked relieved. "Flarby, gluey, fresh and fruity!" she chanted. She made some kind of gesture with her free hand…

…And nothing happened. She tried again.

"Flarby, gluey, fresh and fruity!"

Still nothing. She was still stuck. She repeated the incantation a third time. When it didn't work, she began to struggle desperately.

"It's not working! I don't know why!"

"What?!"

"It's not working!" Sam repeated. She was panicking for real now. "I must be doing something wrong. I don't know… Oh, Darrin, none of this would have ever happened if you had just let me fix the window with magic in the first place!"

Immediately, Darrin went on the defensive. "Excuse me? None of this would have happened if you hadn't smashed the window in with your BUTT!"

Sam was shocked. "So it's my fault? If we're talking fault here, I think YOU'RE the one whose fault it is! You pushed me too hard! You're lucky it wasn't ME who went through the window instead of that canister! You were going at it like an animal!"

Darrin scoffed. "Like I'd have pushed you through the window! You know, sometimes you come up with some real gems, Sam! Like the one about me giving you crabs on New Year's Eve last year! I kept quiet about it earlier, but now I'll tell you what I was really thinking! If I remember correctly, YOU were the one who gave ME crabs! I didn't feel a single itch down there until January first. There's only one explanation- you must have had it first!"

"There's no way I had it first! I didn't have a single sign of crabs either until the day after! One of us isn't telling the truth and it's NOT me! Plus, I have perfect personal hygiene. It couldn't have been me."

Darrin wasn't angry anymore. He was furious. "Sam…" he growled. "I am your HUSBAND and I DEMAND that you stop this BALONEY! I wear the pants in this household!"

But she had had enough. Ignoring him completely, she began to rant.

"Most people started the new year with resolutions! With HOPES and DREAMS and GOALS! Thanks to you, I started it with CRABS! CRABS! Those little buggers bit me raw! I kept getting rid of them with magic, but every time, THEY CAME BACK! I wasn't crab-free for two and a half weeks! I had a low-grade fever for FIVE DAYS! And you remember two days before New Year's Eve when we went to the park? YOU WERE SCRATCHING THE WHOLE TIME! I'm positive it was you!"

Suddenly, Darrin's irate expression drastically changed, the anger going out of his eyes like water splashed over hot coals. "Oh, my God… I really did give you crabs."

But before any of them could say anything else, a puff of glowing purple smoke exploded in the middle of the kitchen. When it cleared, there was Endora.

"Hello, children! I'm home!" Lovely. Perfect timing. "Where is ma-ma's little darling?"

At once, Jade pranced over to Endora and they enjoyed a tender reunion. At least two of the four beings in the room were happy.

Finally, Endora looked up from her precious Jadey-Wadey, who was now nestled smugly in her arms, purring, and looked at her daughter and son-in-law.

"Samantha, darling, what are you doing lying on the counter like that? And doesn't Dustbin ever groom himself? He looks like he just rolled out of bed."

Sam didn't know what to say. She knew she had to answer her mother, but was afraid that if she told her she was glued to the counter, it would lead to having to tell why they'd been using the super glue in the first place. But she needn't have agonized over it because Darrin answered for her.

"Sam accidentally super-glued herself to the counter." He said it like he was talking about someone simply misplacing their keys. "She was trying to unstick herself using magic, but it wasn't working for some reason."

If they hadn't been in such a tough situation, the look on Endora's face would have seemed pricelessly funny.

"How on earth did you glue yourself to the counter?"

Darrin began to make up some stupid story about Sam being up late last night due to insomnia.

"She came down to the kitchen for a drink of water, but she was so tired that she fell asleep in the kitchen, right on the counter, on top of your tube of super glue."

The details about the container breaking open beneath her while she slept were much the same.

Mother's never going to buy this, Sam thought. But she was wrong. She did.

"And the un-gluing spell didn't work?" Endora asked her daughter.

She made Samantha perform the spell again so she could see what she might be doing wrong.

"Oh, Samantha," Endora sighed once Sam had cast the charm with no luck again, "You have the words all wrong! It's 'flarby, gluey, ratatouille', not 'flarby, gluey, fresh and fruity'! Whatever gave you that idea?"

Endora cast the correct spell herself, and Sam was free.

"I think living with that mortal is already affecting you," Endora said as Sam dusted herself off and stretched her cramping muscles. All the glue had come off of her, and there wasnt an ounce of damage to her clothes either. "Since when can't you remember a simple spell like that? You- Oh, my, what's this?"

Endora had finally noticed the welcome home poster taped to the window.

"Uh… uh…" Samantha began to stutter, suddenly even more nervous, "It's a special poster we made just for you, to welcome you home." With a stroke of genius, she added, "It was all Darrin's idea. He insisted we make it for you." She hoped this would help her mother finally warm up to Darrin. To be fair, none of it was a lie.

"Oh, my…" Endora said again, stepping forward to take a closer look at the poster. After observing it for several seconds, she finally turned back to Darrin with a self-satisfied look on her face. "Perhaps you do care for me after all, don't you, my boy?"

Darrin couldn't bring himself to respond. He just smiled dumbly and made a few noises.

Then, to their absolute shock, Endora sniffled. She wiped away a tear.

"It's lovely…" She reached out to touch the poster. "It's-"

The second she tapped on the already-damaged glass, the entire glued-together area shattered a second time and came crashing down. Now it was evident what had happened. The rare, touching moment came to a screeching halt.

"Alright." Endora glared at the panic stricken couple, who were now holding onto each other like scared little siblings who had gone into cahoots together were about to get whooped. "WHAT happened here?"

They were forced to make up some excuse on the spot for why the window was broken, praying the entire time that Endora would believe them.

"D-didn't you hear the thunderstorm last night?" Darrin said. "Lightning hit the window and broke it."

Endora was skeptical. "And WHY, dear daughter, didn't you just fix it instead of COVERING IT UP?"

"I… See… I tried that too, but… it didn't work either."

"What on earth is going on with your powers?" Endora exclaimed. "All it takes to fix a window is this!" She waved her hand at the window and all the broken pieces flew back into place. The yucky-looking glue residue vanished, and the glass was flawlessly repaired. "Living with that mortal really is affecting you, Samantha! It's only been four months, and already you're turning into one of them! I didn't raise you like this. I raised you to be a witch! And now, after all those years, this is what happens!"

"Um, Mother?" Sam interrupted meekly. "I didn't tell you yet, but last night I accidentally ate something with saffron in it."

"Saffron?"

"Yes," Sam fibbed.

"Oh, Samantha, you need to be more careful," Endora scolded. "You know you're allergic to saffron. It interferes with your powers for days. Did you take some porpoise milk for it?"

"Yes, a whole bottle."

"Good. That should get it out of your system faster. Anyway," she changed the subject, her voice a little calmer, "It seems we finally have everything all cleared up."

Oh, sweet relief! Their lies had worked! Endora was on a gullible roll!

"Mother, you're not angry with us, are you?" Samantha asked.

"No. No, I suppose not. None of it was your fault, really, and that goes for Declan too. Besides…" She picked up the welcome poster, which had fallen onto the counter, and taped it admiringly back up. "…I like to think that he really did think to make this because he cares for me after all. Just a little." She shot Darrin a rare, thoughtful little smile. Shocked (and still high on relief), Darrin actually smiled back.

"Well," Endora sighed, "Now that I'm home, I think I'll go and check the security camera. Oh, it's nothing against you two. Don't think that I don't trust you. I always do this when I go away for a night or more."

"Is the security camera on your front door?" Darrin asked.

"There's one on the front door, the back door, and every room in the house. See? There's one right there in the corner above the kitchen counter."

With identical sickening feelings in their stomachs, Sam and Darrin craned their necks to look where Endora was pointing. The camera was so tiny, they hadn't noticed it.

Endora took a handheld contraption with a screen from her pocket. "With this little device," she began explaining, "I can see footage from every room of the house at the same time, just like a CCTV monitor. I just rewind it back to when I left the house and quickly scan for anything that looks fishy. I was only gone for the night, so it should take about five minutes."

Samantha and Darrin realized with dread what this meant. At once, Sam tried to dissuade her mother from watching the footage.

"Mother, nothing fishy happened around here while you were gone. I promise you. Darrin and I kept a good eye on the house the whole time."

"Oh, I know that, darling. But you never know what might have been lurking around outside late at night. There've been robbers in the area."

Samantha tried everything she could to stop Endora from watching the footage without making her suspicious. She even made the rewind button get stuck with an inconspicuous twich of her nose. But in the end, Endora was able to fix it. Nothing could stop her from checking that damned security camera.

As Endora began rewinding the footage, Sam grabbed Darrin, mouthed something at him, and made a throat-slitting gesture. We're dead. Let's go.

"Look, Samantha. There you are sleeping on the counter," Endora remarked innocently, her innocence about to be shattered, the air of the cottage pregnant with scandal approaching all too quickly.

But Samantha was already gone. She had popped out and taken Darrin and all their things with her. Within five short minutes, Endora would know why.

With a start, Darrin realized he was suddenly back in his own home, in his own kitchen.

"Sam, what are we gonna do?!" he began jabbering at once. "Your mother's gonna see… She's gonna- AGH!"

They had accidentally made an adult film- an adult film gone very, very wrong- and his mother-in-law was watching it.

"Forget about it, sweetheart," Samantha said, "Our lives are over."

…

Two weeks passed, and nothing was heard from Endora in the Stephens abode. Not a peep. For a woman who normally could not last 72 hours without unexpectedly dropping in and making their lives hell, it seemed against the laws of nature.

But neither Darrin nor Samantha were very happy about it. Even Sam was so horribly embarrassed after, thanks to that blasted security camera, her mother had seen them break the window doing thrust squats in the cucumber patch, that she hadn't made any effort to contact her either. She had a feeling Endora felt exactly the same.

A couple days later, Sam's Uncle Arthur dropped in for a visit while Darrin was at work. To her immense relief, it appeared he knew nothing about the window-breaking ordeal. She also managed to get some word on how her mother was doing from him. According to Arthur, Endora was still staying at the cottage with Jade, and had been sick with a long-lasting stomach bug since the afternoon of the nineteenth. The nineteenth. They day she and Darrin had left the cottage. Gee. I wonder why.

Later that night, she and Darrin watched a movie on television. As the credits rolled, Samantha finally spoke up.

"Darrin, I'm still so embarrassed after… you know. But I feel awful that mother's been sick and I haven't spoken a word to her this whole time. Maybe it's time I get over this and finally see her." Then she made a face like she was having second thoughts. "Or maybe just drop her a message."

"Do whatever you want," Darrin responded, "But I, personally, am NEVER looking that woman in the face again."

So the next morning, Samantha whipped up a whole batch of chicken soup (with extra-wide noodles) and a loaf of homemade bread, then popped over to Endora's cottage to leave it on her doorstep. On the lid of the soup pot, she taped a handwritten note:

Dear Mother,

Uncle Arthur told me you were sick. I hope you feel better very soon. Here is some chicken noodle soup and some homemade bread just for you. I love you always.

-Samantha

Next to her name, she drew a cute little happy face.

She was about to pop out and go back home when she heard the door begin creaking open. She felt her blood pressure drop. She was partially glad, but mostly, she wanted to run. But it was too late for that. There stood Endora in the doorway, looking somewhat disheveled and unwell in a chic lavender dressing gown.

"Darling, what are you doing here?"

"I, uh, I heard you were sick so I was just leaving you some goodies on your doorstep."

It took Endora a second to respond. "Oh! My. How thoughtful of you," she said, sounding a bit stilted. "You don't have to leave it there. Come. Come in."

She pointed at the pot and loaf of bread and made a beckoning motion. Then she and Sam followed as the food floated into the kitchen and landed on the kitchen table. Jade sprang up from her little bed in the living room and ran to Sam, begging to be petted.

"Um, how are you feeling, Mother?" Samantha asked as she stared down at Jade and petted her.

"A bit better today, fortunately.

The awkwardness between them was so thick, you'd have had to cut through it with a knife.

"Has Dr. Bombay seen you?"

"Yes… Since this bug hasn't gone away yet, he gave me a potion for it. He says these things linger sometimes."

"Oh… I see…"

Finally, Samantha looked up from the kitten. The first thing that met her vision was the same counter where disaster struck just two weeks ago. The window behind it, of course, was impeccably repaired, and so was the orange canister that had fallen out the window. But the counter was covered in religious items- cricifixes, rosaries, holy prayer cards, a bottle of holy water. On the window that had been broken was a cross-shaped window cling and a holy card depicting St. Michael the Archangel, secured with tape. The now repaired canister sat in a plastic tub of clear, fluorescent green liquid.

Samantha didn't know what to make of the sight.

"Mother!" she exclaimed, talking for real at last. "What is that?!"

"This? Oh, I'm just purging the area where you and Dingbat commited a putrid act."

"B-but, Mother! We aren't even Catholic!"

"I know, darling, but I had to do something to depurate the area."

"That green liquid the canister is sitting in… What is that?"

"Disinfecting solution. I'm soaking it for a few days."

"Why?"

"Well, darling, you touched it with your backside, didn't you?"

"W-well, yes, but it was clothed! Only the Front Doris was exp- Ack, never mind!" Sam turned red.

"You can never be too careful," Endora replied.

Samantha gaped at the altar her mother had made of the counter a few more seconds. Then she decided to finally address the elephant in the room.

"Mother… About what happened that night-"

But Endora covered her ears like a small child. "No, no! I don't want to hear about it! I got enough from that cursed security camera."

"Alright, Mother," Samantha sighed. Then she added, "But… We're all good? No hard feelings?"

Endora finally turned around to look at Sam, and her expression actually eased up a bit. "All good."

"Good!"

It was then that Samantha noticed something she hadn't noticed before. The welcome back poster she and Darrin had made. Endora had displayed it lovingly up on her fridge.

She knew for sure things would be "all good" between them now.

…

As soon as popped back home, Sam went to the bar in the living room and began fixing herself a drink as a sort of congratulatory treat for finally breaking the silence with her mother. Darrin heard her and came down the stairs.

"So how'd it go with your mother? Awful?"

"It wasn't as bad as I thought it'd be, actually," Samantha replied. She pointed at the drink she was mixing. "Would you like a one?"

Darrin declined.

"Anyway," she went on, "Aside from the embarrassment, I think we're all on good terms with Mother again. She doesn't seem to have any hard feelings about us breaking the window, or lying about how we broke it."

"Good," Darrin responded, "But still, I don't think my ego will be ready to see her for another five years, maybe." He pointed at the drink in Sam's hand. "Hey, that looks good. Maybe I'll have a one after all, the same you're having. What is it?" He reached for her cup and was about to try a sip.

"Sex on the beach. It's vodka, orange juice, peach s-"

Darrin instantly looked as if something had sickened his stomach. He gave the drink back.

"Never mind."