There are some elements in here inspired by the fanfic Siblings Seperated by MeowMonster84 in AO3
1.
Bailey: You look exactly like my friend, you sound exactly like her, you have a hamster with a really obvious name like my friend, he looks exactly like her hamster, you share the same name as her and you're never seen together, so clearly…that's just a weird ass coincidence.
Gretel: (Sarcastically) Wow, you sure are smart Bailey.
Bailey: You know my name? That means…you can read minds!
Gretel: God damn it.
2.
Kevin stared at Oakey.
Kevin: Well that's anticlimactic.
Hamster: Trees are living organisms.
Gretel: Oakey is a tree.
Hamster: Disney Characters are alive.
Gretel: There's a high chance you'll be resurrected if you're a Disney Character.
Hamster: Oakey is a Disney Character.
Gretel: So it's not surprising.
Oakey: I know right.
3.
Fred: Happy Birthday Cuz!
Fred knelt down to give Gretel a bracelet.
Gretel: I love it!
Kevin walked in.
Kevin: Your friends are here for your birth-…
Kevin stared at the two of them. They stared at him. He slowly backed away.
4.
Gretel high fived Fred but her hand fell off.
Fred: MY FUCKING HAND!
Gretel: Sorry, sometimes I don't know my own strength.
Fred: Shit!
5.
Kevin walked into the living room which was splattered with blood and Churro's limp body laid on the floor.
Kevin: Churro!
Hamster: Oh hey Kevin. Gretel felt left out when you and Churro became internet stars so I decided to cheer her up by killing your dog. Now you can have quality time together.
Gretel ran in.
Gretel: What the hell?!
Kevin: Hamster killed Churro so we can have quality time together!
Hamster: You were feeling left out!
Gretel: You do realize we literally would've just talked it out and spared Churro.
Hamster: Oh…Wow, I totally regret hacking into your YouTube account and putting racist comments and videos on it…
Kevin: You what?!
6.
Belle: Hamster and Gretel did it again. They burned down an orphanage!
Hamster and Gretel were watching Belle's latest vlog. Fred walked in.
Fred: What the?
Hamster: That damn bitch has been making us look like criminals for a week now! Isn't that fucked up?
Hamster glanced at Fred only to find her gone.
Hamster: Fred?
Then loud knocking was heard from Belle's video.
Belle: Ugh, it's just my stupid neighbour. For the last time Monty, I'm not joining Owca!
The door was knocked to the ground and instead of Monty, it was a very pissed off Fred.
Belle: What the fuck?! I'll call the cops!
Fred dashed towards Belle and beat the ever loving fucking shit out of her.
Fred: You ever fuck with Hamster and Gretel again and I will fuck YOU up!
7.
Carolina was reading the newspaper when Gretel called out to her.
Gretel: Hey Mom, I didn't know you were an actress.
Carolina: Well I did have talent.
Kevin: Uh, Mom? Weren't you only in one film?
Carolina: Yes.
Kevin: Wasn't it a porn?
It slowly dawned on Carolina that Gretel was now watching porn. She ran to the Tv room where Gretel was watching it.
Gretel: Mom, why are you wrestling with that guy?
Carolina picked up the TV and threw it out the window.
8.
Kevin, Gretel and Hamster walked home to find a bunch of cops surrounding their home. Their parents ran out.
Dave: Gretel?!
Carolina: You're alive!
Kevin: Of course she is. What's going on?
Carolina: Your sister disappeared and Superhero Gretel told me she was chasing after the kidnapper. It looks like she saved her!
Carolina and Dave tearfully hugged their daughter as Kevin figured out that Gretel used her own identity to get out of chores.
Hamster: That's fucked up dude.
Even Gretel agreed since she was being crushed.
9.
Nightmarionette: I will now awaken your worst fears.
Gretel: No! I revealed my identity to the world and everyone hates me.
Kevin: I was so useless and now Gretel's gone!
Hamster: NOOOOO! ANYTHING BUT BABY SHARK! THAT SONG SUCKS ASS!
All three glanced at Hamster.
Hamster: What, it's a real fear.
Kevin: No it's not.
10.
Kevin was now brainwashed into The Crimson Knight and was fighting Gretel.
Kevin: Prepare to die Gretel.
Gretel: No Kevin, I know you won't kill me!
Kevin: Wha-? I'm Crimson Knight!
Gretel: No, you are my brother.
Kevin: How would you know?
Gretel: Weeeeeeeell, you called our parents "Mom and Dad", you appeared right when he disappeared and you still have a crush on Hiromi.
Kevin: Pfft, no I don't.
Hiromi appeared.
Hiromi: Go Gretel! Kick his ass!
A loud ding was heard as Kevin had a boner inside of his armour.
Kevin: Hiromi? Uuuuuuhhhhhhh…You win this round, now if you'll excuse me…
Kevin ran over to Hiromi.
Kevin: So, who's your favourite villain?
Hiromi: Fistpuncher?
Kevin: I'm Fistpuncher, baby.
Gretel: You are definitely Kevin.
Kevin: Shit.
11.
Gretel was with her mother.
Gretel: Mom, I'm actually Superhero Gretel and Hamster is Superhero Hamster. Some aliens gave us superpowers…Ok Nordle you can turn off the hologram, I'm ready to tell Mom.
Nordle: Uh…actually, my hologram wasn't on yet.
Gretel stared at Carolina in shock.
Gretel: Mom?!
Carolina: (Sarcastically) No, I'm Kim Possible.
12.
Hamster and Gretel was knocked unconscious by Fistpuncher.
Veronica: Oh no, Hamster and Gretel are down!
Bailey: Don't worry, I got this.
She ran up and…cut a piece of Gretel's hair and put it in her pocket as the crowd stared in bewilderment.
Bailey: What?
Lyle: Seriously?
13.
Bailey finally found out about Gretel's secret identity.
Bailey: So that was you when I hung out with you while Neighslayer captured Hamster?
Gretel: Yes.
Bailey: And when I got everyone to like you again by exposing Belle?
Gretel: Uh-huh.
Bailey: And when I took a picture of you during your autograph signing and put your photo on my pillow which I make out with?
Gretel:…What?!
Bailey: And it was also you when I broke a bunch of your villains out of jail so I can take more pictures of you and put them in my secret shrine that I keep in my room that I use to worship you like a god?
Gretel was disturbed. Hamster was right when he told her they would have loony fans.
14.
Carolina: Was Lauren a good babysitter for you girls?
Gretel: She was good, right Bailey?
Bailey: Yeah, she's the Destructress and Gretel is Superhero Gretel and they got their powers from aliens who are probably evil. In fact, their powers are likely a plot to blow up our planet and kill us all.
The parents were shocked and Kevin face palmed.
Bailey: Don't worry, I'm sure your daughter won't doom us all, right Gretel?
Gretel and Lauren glared at Bailey.
Bailey: Hey, I said you were a great babysitter.
15.
Gretel and Nordle was in Professor Exclamation's lab looking at a huge ass robot.
Gretel: Is that an Evangelion?
Nordle: Yeah, he has been obsessed with Evangelion lately. I wouldn't be surprised if Gainax sued him.
16.
Doctor: We're done with the tests. Your daughter here has ADHD.
Carolina: That's absurd!
Doctor: What? There's nothing wrong with it!
Carolina: Really? Nothing wrong with assuming my daughter has drugs.
Doctor:…No?
Gretel: It's a mental disorder.
Carolina: Oh, I am so sorry.
Doctor: It's all good.
17.
Hamster was making out with a Barbie doll.
Hamster: Oh Barbie, I love you.
Gretel: I thought I told you not to fuck my toys?
Gretel was behind him.
Hamster: I'm not fucking your toys.
18.
Gretel and Kevin were watching Chamster and Gretta.
Gretta: I'm an only child.
Kevin: No you're not, you have a badass and sexy brother who kicks ass.
Gretta: Uh, kid? You're disrupting the musical.
Kevin: Hamster and Gretel would be useless without me! Right sis?
Gretel: I think they can manage.
Champster: Get the fuck out of here.
Kevin ran on stage and started beating up Champster.
Kevin: FUCK YOU HAMSTER! I WANT YOUR POWERS! I'll KILL YOU IF IT MEANS I FUCKING REPLACE YOU!
Hamster flew in.
Hamster: What'd I miss?
Gretel: Nothing much, just Kevin disrupting a musical because he subconsciously hates you and wants you dead so he can have your powers.
Hamster was disturbed at the fact.
19.
Gretel and Kevin were taking care of an injured bird until it was time to release it.
Gretel: Bye buddy, we'll never forget you!
(Chomp!)
Churro ate it.
Kevin: God damn it Churro, we worked hard save it's ass!
20.
The Laser Mammoth was eating hamburgers.
Nordle: You do realize hamburgers are made from cows, right?
The mammoth threw up.
Mammoth: I thought it was a mammoth! I'm a cannibal!
Gretel: I think we know how mammoths got extinct…
21.
Gretel: Don't ever do that again!
Hamster: You mean save your ass by being crushed by a truck that gives me amnesia while a dude who's dressed up as a child kidnaps me, takes me to Oakey, purposefully falls off it risking his life to restore my memory, throwing a ball over an electric fence, guilt tripping me to get myself electrocuted, recovering it only for the dude to walk past the fence, steal a tank and getting me and Kevin trapped inside a force field while you save our asses? Ok.
22.
Bailey and Gretel were eating spaghetti when Bailey decided to pull a Lady and the Tramp when she took a bite from the same pasta string that Gretel was chewing and came closer to Gretel's face.
Gretel: Please stop. That's not gonna make me your badass girlfriend.
Bailey: Crap!
23.
Gretel was confronting Exclamation who had apparently killed Bailey.
Exclamation: There is only one way to bring your friend back, you must…give her a true love kiss.
Gretel: Seriously Bailey?
Bailey stood up.
Bailey: How'd you know?!
Exclamation: I'm still getting paid right?
Bailey: Fuck no.
24.
Veronica was at the beach with a muscular man. He wore no clothes and had beige fur all over his body as well as the head of a hamster.
Hamster: You are so beautiful, baby.
Veronica: You too sugar muffin.
Gretel and Kevin watched in horror as their pet skipped away with his human girlfriend.
25.
Hamster and Gretel were flying over Eastside and Hamster took a shit.
Gretel: Dude!
Hamster: I couldn't help it.
Down below, Kevin and Hiromi are having a date together. Unknown to Hiromi, Hamster's shit fell on her soup and she ate it. Kevin was repulsed.
Hiromi: What?
Kevin: Uh, nothing babe.
Kevin then searched up what would happen if you ate shit.
Gretel: Next time, try holding it in.
26.
The class was playing Roman's virtual reality game. Bailey had beaten up a monster and Virtual Gretel came up to Bailey.
Virtual Gretel: You're so hot when you're badass.
Bailey: Let's make love.
So they made out. Back in reality, Bailey was making out with thin air.
Roman: She is madly in love with Superhero Gretel.
Gretel: I know, I really fucking know.
27.
Destructress threw a girder at the minivan.
Gretel: Kevin!
Lauren: Looks like your secret teammate is dead, good. Time to end you next.
Kevin: Hey you!
Kevin appeared completely fine.
Kevin: The first rule of action movies, always check for a body.
Kevin shot his grappling hook at Lauren and it went right through her torso and dragged her body towards Kevin much to the horror of everyone.
Kevin: Huh, that's not supposed to happen.
Lyle: Lauren!
Gretel: Oh god!
Hamster: Why did you that?!
Kevin: I just thought it would hit her on the head or something! I didn't mean to kill her!
Hamster: Jesus Christ!
The police came on scene.
Cop: We've been informed that Hamster and Gretel are-Holy Shit!
The cops threw up.
Cop 2: Did you kill Destructress?
A whole crowd of people all glared at Kevin while Lyle cried his ass off.
Kevin: Fuck.
28.
Naya: You guys hang around a lot, are you dating?
Kevin: Ew, no!
Fred: We're cousins!
Naya:…Forget I said that.
29.
Crimson Knight and Gretel were fighting.
Kevin: Any last words?
Gretel came close to Kevin.
Gretel: You're my brother.
She gets up on his face.
Gretel: And I know all your secrets.
She puts her finger on his chest, slowly moves it down and…blows raspberries on his stomach which caused him to squirm around laughing.
Hamster: Oh thank god, I thought-…well, I'm not gonna say anything more.
Fred: Your mind is messed up Hamster.
30.
Hamster: You overshadow me so much!
Gretel: No I don't.
Exclamation: Curse you Gretel! And your hairy talking potato thing.
Hamster: See?!
To make things worse, a whole crowd was chanting Gretel's name and totally ignoring Hamster.
Gretel: Ok, maybe a little.
31.
Lyle: When this space rock is near you, you will lose your powers.
Gretel: But you guys are also close to it, wouldn't that mean you also lose your powers?
Lauren: Oh shit.
32.
Bailey: So there's a wax museum with your own wax statue? That's hot.
Gretel: Not this again.
33.
Hamster and Gretel were flying when…
Gretel: I shouldn't have eaten that Roja Vieja so fast.
Gretel threw up and the barf hit Hamster.
Hamster: What was that about holding it in?
Gretel: Shut up.
34.
Nordle:…And that's why I relate to Larry the Magic Boy.
Ms Jamanpour: Good report Nordle. Next up, Bailey.
Bailey: The person I relate to the most is Lois Lane because we both date a sexy superhero.
Gretel: Oh god.
35.
Gretel had turned into her Hero form to save Bailey from being crushed by a girder.
Bailey: Gretel?…great, she ditched me! Oh, thanks for saving my ass Gretel.
Gretel: I'm Gretel!
Bailey: Well yeah, I know.
Gretel turned to normal.
Bailey: Thanks for leaving me to die! Where the hell were you?! You ditched me in the spelling bee and-
Gretel: Please shut up and listen closely. Several months ago, aliens gave me and my hamster superpowers and told us to use them for good. Then, they gave powers to other people and told them to use them for evil. And I left so I can fight an invisible criminal who uses invisibility ink on herself and I was exposed which turned me invisible.
Bailey: So what your saying is…You and your family are actually from the a thousand years in the future who came back in time to fight an evil cyborg dragon who is trying to change the future by attempting to kill Nordle before he grows up to start a company that the dragons creators are enemies with?
Gretel:…How the fuck did you win the spelling bee?
Bailey: Sorry but I don't have a Ufzuf…whatever that is.
36.
It was Halloween and everyone was getting ready for Trick or Treat.
Kevin: Let me guess, you're going as Ducky Momo?
Gretel: That's right.
Kevin: And Nordle is Larry the Magic Boy?
Nordle: Yep.
Kevin: And Bailey is Storm.
Bailey: No I'm not. I'm going as Sailor Moon.
Kevin: My mistake. It's just that you look like her.
Bailey: Is it because I'm black?
Kevin: What? No. Is Storm black? Asking because I have no idea.
Gretel: You've had a Storm poster hanging in your room all week.
Kevin:…I'm not racist, I swear. I mean your skin is badass cause you can't get a sunburn. Man, it would be cool if I was bl-
Gretel: Let's go Trick or Treating before he gets accidentally racist again.
The three kids left.
Kevin: Damn it.
37.
Kevin and Gretel were in the park playing checkers. Kevin lost as he always has with the black pieces.
Kevin: I hate black! Maybe life would be easier if they never existed.
Unfortunately, Bailey walked right by and heard it.
Gretel: (Akwardly) Hey Bailey.
Kevin turned around to see a pissed off Bailey.
Kevin: Bailey?! I wasn't talking about your kind, I swear!
Bailey didn't listen any further and walked off.
Kevin: I think she hates me.
Gretel: That's an understatement.
38.
All of Hamster and Gretel's enemies were sitting in a room.
Exclamation: Welcome to Villains anonymous. I'm Professor Exclamation, I lost my elbows in an accident and my son is friends with Gretel.
Thunderpants: I'm Rodney Thunderpants, I got electrocuted while being crushed by a cell tower.
Neighslayer: Neighslayer's the name and I got horse DNA.
Lauren: My name is Destructress and my brother and I got the same powers as Hamster and Gretel.
Kevin: And I am the Crimson Knight. I am Gretel's most fiercest and strongest enemy. I will stop at nothing to-Oh hi Gretel.
Gretel and Nordle walked in.
Nordle: Dad, mind if we use your game room?
Exclamation: Yeah sure, I don't care.
Gretel: Cool, we're gonna play Kingdom Hearts.
Kevin: Ooh, I love Kingdom Hearts. Wait up.
Kevin went out the room with them.
Earworm:…Why is he part of this group again?
39.
Hamster was sleeping in his cage while Gretel was watching Tv.
Gretel: This seems like a fun movie.
Hamster: What are you watching?
Gretel: Some film I found while surfing through the channels, I think it's called "Halloween" It's about a guy named Mike Myers.
Hamster realized exactly what she watching and zapped the Tv screen.
Gretel: What was that for?!
Hamster: I had to protect your innocence.
40.
Gretel: Lauren, It's 11:11, make a wish.
Lauren: (Sarcastically) I wish it was 11:12.
The clock struck 11:12.
Gretel: Holy shit, it worked!
Lauren was startled and fell over.
Lauren: Fuck.
41.
Gretel went in Bailey's house only to find many clones of herself.
Bailey: You like my harem?
Gretel: Wha-? How?
Bailey: While you were crime fighting, I snuck by and took some of your hair. Then I snuck into Exclamation's lab and used his clone machine.
Gretel: Nope.
Gretel immediately walked out.
42.
There was a Holiday Party in the school and Bailey pointed out a mistletoe to Gretel since they were under it.
Bailey: Look Gretel, We're under a mistletoe. You can't leave until you kiss someone.
Luckily for Gretel, Nordle walked by.
Nordle: Happy Holi-
Gretel kissed Nordle and walked off.
Gretel: Kissed someone, peace bitch.
Nordle stood there shocked.
Bailey:…Nordle?
43.
Gretel: So we're both optimistic and badass?
Phineas: Not to mention friendly.
Gretel: Weeeeeeeellllllll…Remember Mission Marvel where you were a complete dickhead to your own sister?
Phineas: But she turned one of my friends into a radioactive monster who went crazy!
Gretel: Wasn't that like an accident? She tried helping restore powers to some of the greatest superheroes.
Literally all of the Marvel Heroes and Villains (And Hulkjeet) was behind Phineas, ready to beat the fucking shit out of him as Gretel smirked.
Gretel: Rest in Peace Assfuck. (Flies off)
Phineas: Oh mother fu-!
44.
Hamster: So, I'm basically like Perry. And I'm also like you except more talkative.
Ferb:…It's fucking weird how I get one line per episode. Like what the fuck?! I barely speak but I'm one of titular characters. God, I hate Phineas so fucking much. What a show off! At least I got a girlfriend before him but she ended up with the son of my pet's boss!
Fuck you Monty!
(2 Hours Later)
Ferb:…Then I turned evil and Phineas completely kicked my ass but I'm like prototype Darcy you know? Now they were badass! My evil alter ego is weak!…Phew, so fucking glad that's off my chest.
Hamster:…Holy shit!
Ferb: I'm silent so I can hide my rage.
45.
Kevin and Gretel have reached Bailey's house where there was a gathering.
Kevin: That looks like a fun party!
He noticed a portrait of an old lady.
Kevin: Hey, is this the birthday girl?
Bailey: That was my grandmother, she died last week.
Kevin: Why are you celebrating her birthday if she's-?…Oooooooooh…
Gretel: Kevin, get out before you get even more inappropriate.
Kevin: Ok.
Kevin found a vase with an open lid and saw that there were salt in there.
Kevin: I'm just gonna eat some salt first.
Kevin took a huge pile and ate it causing everyone to gasp.
Kevin: What?
Roman: That…was…my…MOTHER! We were going to bury her!
Kevin: Oh shit! I am so sorry.
Kevin vomited all over Bailey who was covered in the remains of her grandmother.
Bailey: Gretel?
Gretel: Yes.
Bailey: GET YOUR FUCKING BROTHER OUT OF MY LIFE!
Kevin: It's not my fault you think I'm racist!
Roman: You Bastard! You ate my recently dead mom and were racist to my daughter?!
Kevin: No! It's all a misunderstanding!
Too late, the Carter family literally kicked him out.
46.
Kevin: We both have badass siblings who are cooler than us?
Candace: Yep.
Kevin: Well I'm not a bitch.
Candace: Hey!
47.
Everyone was celebrating Halloween with a costume party. Kevin was a ghost.
Kevin: What do you guys think?
Gretel: Um…what the fuck?
Bailey blankly stared at him.
Bailey: I. Hate. You. Kevin.
Kevin looked at his costume, he then ripped it off.
Kevin: You know, I totally understand your hatred for me. Just know that I didn't realize it. I have tons of black friends and I'm dating a Japanese chick.
Bailey just walked away.
48.
Kevin and Hiromi were making comics. Hamster and Gretel walked in.
Gretel: Cool looking comic, guys.
Kevin: Thanks, it's about a superhero whose powers get stolen by a hamster so now he has to kill the evil Hamster because those stupid aliens should have given me powers! Anyway, what do you think?
Gretel: Cool.
Hamster on the other hand was shocked. Gretel and Hiromi both seemed cool with it though.
Hamster: You do realize that's Kevin's way of coping with the fact he has no powers right?
49.
It was the Day of the Dead and the Grant Gomez's were celebrating.
Hamster: So, what is this again?
Gretel: This is the holiday where we celebrate our dead relatives.
Hamster: Sounds fucking morbid but ok.
50.
Hamster: I don't have the energy to say no.
Gretel: You don't have the energy to say a single word but you can say a complete sentence?
51.
Kevin was in full Crimson Knight attire and apparently has kidnapped Nordle while he was confronting Exclamation.
Kevin: Professor Exclamation, I have kidnapped your son for revenge!
Exclamation: Revenge for what?
Kevin: You trapped my sister. I may be evil but I have a heart.
Exclamation: You haven't done anything evil since Gretel saved your ass from mind control!
Nordle: Also, you didn't kidnap me, I was literally here and you just tied me up.
52.
Kevin: I am Gretel's greatest enemy. I know all her secrets.
Exclamation: Well I'm her first villain. And I captured her.
Kevin: Until I saved her ass with the power of music!
The two of them fought as Nordle and Gretel watched.
Gretel: They really hate each other.
Nordle: They have been rivals for a while.
53.
At the latest Villains Anonymous…
Exclamation: My son just got a girlfriend!
Kevin: What a coincidence, my sister has a boyfriend.
Gretel and Nordle walked in.
Nordle: Dad, Gretel and I are going on a date.
Exclamation: Gretel?!
Kevin: Nordle?! Gretel, why are you dating the son of one of your enemies?!
Gretel: God Kevin, I can date whoever I want! Come on babe.
Nordle: Coming honey.
Lyle: If it makes you better, my sister is her babysitter.
54.
The Grant Gomez's were having the Exclamations over for dinner. Kevin and Nordle were glaring at each other.
Kevin: Bet you can't finish before me.
Nordle: Yeah right.
Exclamation: I can't believe my future daughter is probably gonna be my nemesis…
Gretel: Shut up.
They glared at each other.
Dave: This is a bit awkward…uh, so what do you think of the newest Larry the Magic Boy film?
Nordle: I hate Larry's brother in law because he sucks ass.
Kevin: Larry's father captured the brother in law's sister!
Nordle: Oh please, he saved her with the help of a shitty band.
Kevin: Duck Boys is not shitty!
Nordle: Well you are!
Nordle threw some Roja Vieja at Kevin but he ducked and hit Exclamation.
Exclamation: Food fight!
He threw food at Gretel and she threw food at him. Exclamation dodged and it ended up hitting Kevin. All four had a food fight while Dave, Carolina and Hamster just blankly watched.
55.
Bailey and Gretel were performing inte Eastside Elementary talent show.
Gretel: Where's your puppet?
Bailey: I lost them but that's ok, I can use a finger puppet.
Bailey picked up Hamster and put her index finger up his anus.
Hamster: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHRRRRRGG!
56.
Hamster dropped the giant otter on the beach and it crushed several beach goers.
Hamster: Oh shit!
The otter ate several other people before going back into the ocean. Hamster stared in shock.
57.
Dave: Time to go to the vet.
Hamster flew away at top speed.
Dave: Shit, always forget he can do that.
58.
The Grant Gomez extended family were eating Thanksgiving Dinner.
Carolina: I am so grateful for my family.
Gretel: I'm grateful for my powers.
Hamster: Why did you make a holiday focusing on gratitude? You do realize how Thanksgiving actually started, right? Our ancestors invaded this place and stole the home of the Native Americans and killed a bunch of them. In fact, This apartment building was probably the former site of a tribe village.
Everyone looked at him in shock.
Abuelita: Oh god.
Dave: Thanks for making this awkward.
59.
Gretel and Bailey were playing Kingdom Hearts Birth By Sleep.
Gretel: You totally remind me of Terra.
Bailey: How?
In the game, Terra was with Maleficent.
Terra: You have a creepy looking costume, there's nobody around and you're giving me bad vibes so clearly…you must be a popular hero.
Bailey: Well at least I'm smarter.
Gretel: You sure are buddy.
60.
Kevin and Gretel were in the theatre when they saw Bailey.
Bailey: Let me guess, you're gonna ask if I'm here to watch the new Black Panther Movie?
Kevin: No I wasn't, I swear…maybe? But then I stopped myself.
Bailey: This is gonna be a long movie.
61.
Lauren noticed an old photo of the Grant Gomez's and some other dude who looked like a male Gretel.
Lauren: Who's that?
Gretel: My twin brother Hansel…
Lauren: What happened to him?
(1 Year ago)
Carolina, Dave and Kevin went home to find their apartment building devastated.
Carolina: Oh my god!
Hansel and Gretel's babysitter Milo was standing outside with a bruised Gretel and unconscious Hansel as well as the other residents.
Dave: What the hell happened?!
Milo: It was Murphy's Law. It happens in my family.
Gretel: Hansel?!…Hansel! He's not breathing.
Milo: Damn it! On the bright side, your daughter is alive…you're not hiring me as your babysitter anymore are you?
Carolina: Get the fuck out of our lives before you kill anyone else ya Shithead!
(Present)
Lauren: Holy Shit!
62.
The Aliens have brainwashed Belle, not that anyone cares though.
Gretel: Cool, now we can legally kill her.
So everyone totally did.
Male Alien: I would normally be disturbed but she was a fucking bitch.
63.
Kevin was late for school so he flew off in his Crimson Knight Suit and crashed through the ceiling of his classroom.
Everyone ran off screaming except for Fred and Hiromi.
Kevin: Where did everyone go.
Fred: Dude, not everyone knows you're the Crimson Knight.
Kevin: Shit.
64.
Gretel woke up in the middle of the night to see Hamster playing Kingdom Hearts.
Gretel: You've been playing that game for the past five hours.
Hamster: Almost done, gotta beat Ansem.
65.
Carolina was about to give birth and her family was there as well as Roman, Michelle and Bailey. Out came the baby and something was up. While Dave and Carolina were white, the baby was black. Dave and Michelle glared at Roman while Carolina looked away awkwardly. Kevin, Gretel and Bailey stared at Roman at shock.
Carolina: Um…wow! The baby is-
Dave: I can't believe you cheated on me!
Roman: You know, I'm just gonna…
Roman ran away leaving Carolina with the others who glared at her.
66.
Hamster was on the computer typing in super speed while he was doing cocaine. Gretel walked in on him.
Gretel: Jesus! What the fuck are you doing?
Hamster: Making fanfics of the Wiggles.
Gretel: Is that cocaine?!
67.
Fred: My favourite band is Love Handel.
Kevin: Mine is Duck Boys.
Hamster: And mine is the most superior band ever…The Wiggles!
Kevin: We get it, you're addicted to them.
Hamster: No I'm not.
Fred: Yesterday, I saw you smoke weed while listening to their songs.
Kevin: You also have a creepy shrine dedicated to them.
68.
The Gomez family reunion was happening in the park. Bailey walked by.
Bailey: Oh great.
Kevin: Oh boy.
Bailey: I hate you type of people!
Unfortunately, The Gomez's all glared at her.
Abuelita: And what's wrong with Latino people?
Bailey: What? That's not what I meant.
Kevin: Who's accidentally racist now?
69.
Fred was at the shop of Tchotchke Jones looking at bottles.
Fred: Hey, this building looks like that building that disappeared. There's even realistic people in it. One of them is moving and…eating the others?!
Jones: Oh god! I drove someone to cannibalism! I didn't mean for this to happen!
70.
Gretel and Bailey went up to Kevin holding hands.
Gretel: Kevin, we're dating.
Kevin: Bailey, did you just drug my sister with a love potion.
Bailey: No.
Gretel: Yeah, she snuck me into Exclamation's lab and put a substance in my mouth and I immediately fell in love with her.
Kevin picked up his phone.
Kevin: Hi, it's Crimson Knight. I think I know who took your love potion.
71.
Gretel: Man, I can't believe Bailey hates me for keeping my superhero identity.
Kevin: Don't worry little G, I will help fix your relationship. So I kidnapped her!
Gretel: What?
Kevin walked up to a closet, opened it and took out Bailey who was tied up.
Bailey: Help!
Gretel: Oh my god!
Kevin: I'm not letting you go until you love my sister again.
Bailey: I appreciate you trying to fix our relationship but how is this helping us?
Kevin: That's easy, I cloned you with Exclamation's Clone machine and killed your clone. Then I snuck the dead clone into your room.
Bailey: WHAT THE FUCK?!
Carolina walked in as Kevin chucked Bailey back in the closet.
Carolina: Bailey's parents called, she's been mudered!
Gretel: (Sarcastically) Oh no, how tragic.
Carolina: Don't worry, your friend will always be close to you.
Gretel: (Sarcastically) You have no idea.
Bailey ran out of the closet apparently breaking through through the rope that tied her.
Bailey: Carolina, I'm right here!
Carolina: GHOST!
Carolina ran out screaming.
Kevin: You're legally dead, the cops are on a wild goose chase and you drove our mom insane. Congrats!
Bailey: Fuck you.
72.
Bailey: I can't believe you're Superhero Gretel! I'm having trouble processing this.
Gretel: Don't worry, read this pamphlet.
Gretel handed Bailey a pamphlet.
Bailey: "So you found out your friend is a superhero." I don't want your pamphlet!
73.
Kevin: I remember when I met my girlfriend. We were at school.
Fred: I met mine when I pretended to join her cheerleading squad while she was brainwashed by an evil coach.
Bailey: And I met my true love when she saved my ass from drowning.
(9 Months ago)
Bailey had fallen off Roman's boat.
Roman: Oh no, someone help!
Thankfully, Gretel swooped in and got Bailey back on the boat.
Gretel: Are you ok citizen?
Bailey woke up and saw Gretel.
Gretel: You're hot, let's go out.
Bailey: Yeah…
Gretel: Cool, see ya babe.
(Present)
Gretel: That's not what happened.
(What actually happened.)
Gretel: Are you ok citizen?
Bailey woke up and saw Gretel.
Gretel: I said are you ok?
Bailey: Yeah…
Gretel: Cool, see ya citizen.
(Present)
Bailey: That's not how I remember it.
74.
Everyone was checking out Exclamation's Dream machine, where they can see their latest dream. Bailey was the first one and in her dream, she and Gretel were adults in wedding Gowns getting married.
Priest: You may now kiss each other.
Dream Gretel: You are fucking hot.
Dream Bailey: You too babe.
Gretel: Why am I not surprised.
Bailey: Uuuuuuhhhhhhh….Kevin's turn!
In Kevin's Dream, He was in his Crimson Knight Armor standing on top of the unconscious bodies of Fistpuncher and Destructress. Veronica appeared.
Veronica: And so the day is saved thanks to Crimson Knight and his sidekick Gretel!
Everyone looked at Kevin.
Kevin: Well, shit.
75.
Gretel: Exclamation, what's under your hat?
Exclamation: Oh, that's not my hat. It's my dick.
Gretel: Wait what?
76.
Hamster was stoned as fuck and watching Dora the Explorer. Gretel walked by looking for her ADHD drugs.
Gretel: Have you seen my medication?
Hamster: Dude, is that a unicorn growing out of your head?
Gretel noticed an empty canister.
Gretel: Seriously Hamster?! I need those for-hey, I remember watching that show. I'm gonna watch with you.
Hamster: Ok.
77.
Hamster, Gretel and Kevin was watching Dr Zone.
Dr Zone was walking down an old hallway when he saw a shadowy figure.
Zone: Oh my god!
He ran up to it but it was a wooden statue.
Zone: Looks like I'm still alone. Good.
One week later, they were hanging out in the living room.
Hamster:…OH MY GOD! DR ZONE WASN'T SHOCKED BECAUSE HE THOUGHT HE WAS CAUGHT, HE THOUGHT IT WAS HIS EVIL CLONE PROFESSOR ENOZ!…
Hamster went back to napping while Kevin and Gretel stared at him in shock.
78.
Fistpuncher charged at Gretel and she dodged as his fist hit a wall. His hands were broken.
Lyle: FUCK! SHIT! SHITSHITSHIT! MY HAND!
79.
Hamster and Gretel were in a bank saving some hostages when she noticed Milo, Melissa and Zack.
Gretel: Milo Murphy? I heard you accidentally killed a boy.
Milo: Heh…sorry.
Gretel: That was my brother…endanger my family again, I'll kick your ass.
She floated away glaring at him.
80.
Bailey: I bet you can go Super Saiyan.
Gretel: I can't.
Bailey: Really? Oh crap, I should probably snap Hamster out of his hypnosis and stop him from throwing Kevin off a roof.
Gretel: What?!
(SPLAT)
Kevin's body hit the ground.
Kevin: Ow…
81.
Gretel woke up for another morning to see Hamster taking a shit.
Gretel: Ew!
Hamster: What?…oh.
82.
Gretel was fighting Fistpuncher when Kevin came up in the Minivan. He went out and slammed the door but his penis was jammed.
Kevin: FUUCCCKKKK!
Lyle: Kevin, I think your dick is-
Kevin: I know!
Hamster: Open the door.
Kevin: It's locked!
Gretel: Don't worry, I'm going to slowly pull it out.
She slowly pulled at the van only for it to topple over and rip off Kevin's dick.
Kevin: Shit!
83.
Exclamation was watching Ducktective when Pac Man flew past him. Gretel, Nordle and Bailey chased after him.
Exclamation: Were you guys using my virtual reality console to play games?
Nordle: What makes you say that?
Gretel: Link, no!
Link picked up a vase and dropped it, revealing a Rupee that he picked up and then he ran off.
Exclamation: Just a hunch.
84.
Everyone was at the Pride Parade. Even Hamster and Gretel in their Superhero uniforms.
Veronica: We are here at the Pride Parade where everyone is celebrating. Even Hamster and Gretel. In fact, Gretel has just come out.
Gretel: I'm straight.
Veronica: No need to be ashamed. Your girlfriend Bailey must be lucky to date you.
Gretel glared at Bailey.
Bailey: I may have started a relationship with your clone.
Gretel: We are not dating!
Veronica: In a shocking turn of events, Gretel has broken up with-
Gretel: What are you, a gossiper? Shut up.
85.
Hamster, Gretel, Lyle, Lauren, Fred, Bailey, Dave, Kevin and Carolina witnessed the aliens coming out of the UFO.
Kevin: Oh my god!
Carolina: It's the aliens who gave you your powers. My twin brother and twin sister.
Gretel: What?
Carolina: You see, I accidentally pushed them through a portal, faked the death of my brother and myself and stole my sister's identity.
Lyle: I thought this show was from the same creator as Phineas and Ferb, not Gravity Falls?
Bailey noticed that she was literally backstabbed.
Bailey: Fuck, now it's Amphibia. See ya when I turn into Dailey while my mind gets sucked into an evil mechanical orb powered by the minds of hundreds of dead newt kings! (Plop)
Kevin: What's next, Owl House?
Kevin turned into an Owl Beast.
Kevin: Noooooo!
86.
Hamster: Imposter, your plan has so many flaws.
Imposter: No it doesn't.
Hamster: 1: You aimed a truck at Gretel. What if I couldn't save her ass? 2: How the fuck would you find me? 3: What if I failed to save your ass from falling off Oakey? And 4: I can fucking fly! So basically, you expected me to walk through the gate!
Imposter: Sorry but I used to work for Xanatos Inc. You know? Several years ago he created the Pack and had their show be the only one airing on the Gargoyles's Tv so he can draw them out so the Pack can capture Lexington and Goliath so they can be enemies with the Pack.
Hamster: That explains a lot.
87.
Hamster and Gretel were at a hospital visiting sick kids. Hamster went up to some teenaged dude with a bandaged face.
Hamster: Got your nose.
Boy: You found my nose? (Pulls down bandage revealing he has no nose) The doctor said they could reattach it.
Hamster:…Uuuuuuhhhhhh…
Hamster flew out of the room and everyone heard distant screams before Hamster went back with a bloody nose.
Hamster: It's right here.
Boy: Why is there blood?
Hamster: Um, I took it from the nefarious Nose Stealer.
Gretel: Hamster, Just let me do the talking from now on.
She turned to some girl.
Gretel: Hey, you look like you need a hand.
The girl glared as she lifted her arms to show she had no hands at all.
Gretel: Aw crap.
88.
Carolina, Dave, Roman and Michelle had just gotten out of the car when Bailey ran out.
Bailey: Mom! Dad! They've gone wild!
Roman: What?
They opened the front door to see Gretel flying around with a lampshade on her head.
Gretel: Whoo hoo!
Lyle was breaking furniture while laughing.
Lyle: This is so much fun!
Michelle: You know, we could have gotten the usual babysitter.
Dave: Lauren was at a Love Handel concert.
89.
Lyle and Lauren were at a park and passed by Andrew and Clyde.
Andrew: Hey Clyde, you think Destructress and Fistpuncher are an item.
Clyde: I don't know, but they are usually together.
Lauren: Fuck no!
Lyle: Oh god! They're siblings!
Clyde: That's a good theory too.
The siblings walked away disturbed at Andrew's theory about their alter egos.
90.
Gretel and Nordle were waltzing during a Love Handel concert.
Love Handel
I should've known From how I felt When we were together And even more when we were apart You tiptoed in And you got under my skin
Suddenly…
Bailey
YoU sNuCk YoUr WaY rIgHt InTo My
HEEAAARRRRTTTTT!
Gretel and Hamster woke up from the dream and heard out of tune singing. It was loud.
Bailey
I pUt Up BaRriErS tO sHeIlD mY eMoTiOnS-
Gretel: Bailey!
Bailey stopped.
Bailey: Yes?
Gretel: Were you singing a love song to try and get me to fall in love with you because that's not working.
Bailey: Uuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhh…YOU'RE DREAMING!
Bailey ran off into the night as Gretel blankly watched.
91.
Roman: You look exactly like my daughter's friend, you sound exactly like her, you have a hamster with a really obvious name like her friend, he looks exactly like her hamster, you share the same name as her and you're never seen together, so clearly…that's just a weird ass coincidence.
Gretel: Seriously Roman?
Roman: You know my name? That means…you can read minds!
Gretel: I see Bailey takes a lot from you.
Roman: Thanks.
92.
Dave: I finally made your mother cry!
Gretel: Really?
Kevin: How?
Dave: With Professor Exclamation's clone machine. Then I bribed Fistpuncher into helping me kill your clones.
Gretel: What the hell Dad?!
Kevin: That's messed up!
Carolina and Melissa walked in.
Carolina: (Teared up) I miss them so much, I can see them!
Melissa: Huh, me too.
Kevin: Mom?
Gretel: Of you can see us.
Carolina: Oh god, I can even hear them!
Melissa: You are not hallucinating. Right Dave?
Dave: Uuuuuhhhh…Happy anniversary?
Carolina: You…faked the deaths of…our…CHILDREN?!
Carolina tackled Dave and started beating his ass.
Kevin: (Sarcastically) Wow, romantic.
93.
Gretel: I can't wait to Bailey I'm a superhero.
Kevin: Sorry Little G but you can't tell her. It for her own safety.
Gretel: But what if she hates me?
Kevin: No she won't.
(A few months later)
Bailey: Friends don't keep secrets from each other. I am never talking to you again.
Kevin: Welp, first time I was wrong.
94.
Gretel's class had their fathers in school as the next day was Bring Your Child to Work Day.
Jamanpour: Next up is Gretel's dad Dave.
Dave: Well…I…(Glances at Roman) I fight racism!
Dave ran up to a cop and beat the shit out of him.
Gretel: Seriously?!
95.
Fred was in a Red Mighty Morphin Power Ranger Costume at a Halloween party and everyone was playing spin the bottle. It pointed to Fred and someone in an Optimus Prime Costume.
Fred and Optimus walked into a closet and closed the door. 7 minutes later, Naya (Who was Kim Possible) knocked on the door.
Naya: Ok guys, your seven minutes are up.
She opened the door and everyone was shocked. Fred was making out with Kevin. They stopped and looked at their friends then each other.
Fred: WHAT THE FUCK?!
At home, Kevin sat on the couch traumatized.
Gretel: I can't believe you fucked our cousin!
Kevin: It was dark!
Dave ran over.
Dave: Your Aunt Stacy just called, your cousin Fred is pregnant and according to the doctors, she just became pregnant an hour ago.
Gretel: Kevin, wasn't the Halloween Party an hour ago?
Kevin's eyes widened with horror.
Kevin: Call the abortion clinic right now!
Dave: Why?
Gretel: Let's just say you're gonna be a great uncle and a grandfather at the same time.
Dave: Carolina, I think your son conceived a child with our niece!
Dave ran to his sister's house to bring Fred to the abortion clinic as Carolina walked in the room and gave Kevin a glare.
96.
Hamster caught a guy who fell off a burning building.
Guy: Aw, dude this is awkward.
Hamster: Why?
Guy: Weeeeeeellllll…Remember Belle?
Hamster: Yes?
Guy: I was one of the many people who were tricked by her and hated you guys.
Hamster: You know the only ones who always believed in us? Our fan club. They were loyal unlike you assholes.
Guy: What?
Hamster: And they were fake. Go ahead, you can fuck with me. I'm a fucking hamster. But. Don't. Fuck. With. My. Owner.
Hamster smiled as he dropped the man to his death. Gretel flew up to him.
Gretel: I saved everyone I could find. You?
Hamster: Yeah. I saved any human I could find.
The duo flew off.
Hamster later went into the Hamster and Gretel fan club site, hacked into Bailey's account and told the entire club to beat the shit out of everyone who believed Belle. The next day, Gretel and Bailey watched in horror as the population of Eastside were physically fighting each other.
Hamster: Am I loyal or what?
Bailey: My fellow fans are killing everyone else!
Gretel: I didn't ask for this Hamster!
Hamster: And you didn't ask for me to let a guy fall to his death because Belle made him hate us?
Gretel: WHAT?!
97.
Male Alien: We shall bestow you powers unimaginable!
Gretel: Like spitting acid, being able to adapt your DNA to your surroundings, manipulating the elements of nature, splitting my soul from my body, radioactivity, breathing harmful substances like fire, brainwashing people, possessing people, talking to animals, psychic abilities, super intelligence, super strength, sixth sense, shapeshifting, turning invisible, controlling gravity, travelling through dimensions, teleportation, clone summoning, size change, immortality, healing powers, resurrection abilities, controlling my hair, walking through water, super breath, bullet proof, super sonic scream, super sense, turning people into stone and time travel?
Male:…Ok, I guess they aren't that unimaginable.
98.
Lyle: You can't escape if you don't have superpowers.
Gretel: Oh yeah? I have the power to annoy.
Lauren: Yeah right.
Gretel: Owl House is better than Ghost and Molly McGee.
When Kevin and Hamster finally reached Gretel, Lyle and Lauren were ranting about the flaws of Owl House and the epicness of the current Disney Shows that matter waaaaay more than Owl House and Amphibia. Meanwhile, Gretel has already escaped.
Kevin: Wow, thanks Dana Terrance…for something that's not important anymore.
Hamster: She totally betrayed Disney.
99.
Gretel was at Bailey's house.
Bailey: Hi Gretel who's totally not a superhero.
Dad, if you're wondering if she's Superhero Gretel, she's not.
Roman: I wasn't wondering but ok.
Gretel: (Sarcastically) Smooth.
100.
Kevin and Gretel were playing Relic Hunters.
Gretel: Wow Roman, your game is great.
Roman: Thanks. What's your favourite part? The cliffhanger that will never be resolved? The fact that you can't return to any location a second time besides Asgard which is a glorified menu? The teaser for the sequel that turned into an unfinished reboot? The fact that you can't level up without using Orsirius Orbs? The hard ass puzzles? The limited party members?
Kevin and Gretel threw the games away.
Roman: Oh come on!