I packed my red sweater for rainy weather, an orange ruffle tank top, and a few pairs of black pants. Though I was sure the Spring Court would have clothes better suited for it, my Night Court clothes might look good for the House of Exiles. Nothing I had here would suit the mortal lands, but Lucien assured me there was some for me to change into at the Spring Court before we go to the mortal lands.

I tucked my father's journal, no, my journal into my jacket. We would be walking into the courts, winnowing to my horror to the other side, and walking out into the next. So a jacket was necessary since the winter court will be cold and dawn cool. Even night will be cold, leaving Velaris. The clothes underneath wheree lighter though, Day and Summer will be too warm for jackets. We would not be passing through Autum!

Morrigan and Azriel were working hard, informing the Highlords of our passing through without raising alarm. Cassian was preparing two sentries from Spring, who would escort us. Two females in training that were the best of the trainies. Lucien says it was his idea to train more senties to give Tamlin something to do and someone to pummel. "Isn't that what Cassian does, is to Rhys amd Az?"

"I think he does actually pummel them, but they do get unnecessary ruff," Feyre chimmed in, holding more clothes for me to ask if I wanted it or not. I shook my head and told her I have enough clothes, most of it will be where I'm going.

Lucien huffed, "I don't think he does it to actually beat them, but it is an effective way to train. Since most of his old sentries refuse to do their jobs, he is the only one who can effectively train new recuits to protect the way he wants and Spring needs."

Feyre sat on the bed and sighed, "It is good to hear he is not just sitting around rioting. If he was, good for him, but Spring still needs a Highlord."

Lucien became angry. "Most of the time, it is because Jurian or I chase him out the houses. If people see him training guard himself, fixing buildings, someone will take notice and help. The fae will trust him again, follow him again. Spring needs a Highlord because you almost took it away. You didn't just hurt him, Feyre, you hurt all of Spring, risk the court out of spite. Spring was already broken beyond repair, and maybe it needed to be demolished to be rebuilt better, but Feyre, did all the blame really need to belong to him?" Suddenly, I realized the fight I was in the middle of.

If I was going to a court I knew little about, can I really base my knowledge on a feud between its cursebreaker, emassary, and Highlord? Whatever I waited for me in spring, my purpose for being there was to train and hide. Elain came in. She was preparing dinner before we left. It was ready, and I marveled at just how long I stayed in my room today. Would Spring suit her if she visited? I knew she liked gardening, and Sprig is the place to do it, but the people?

~

We all sat and began to dig in. Lucien, however, did not have a plate and refused to eat from the table, "I see Feyre finally told you about the significance of food..."

Elain sat beside me, staightening her dress, "I knew...I just... was not thinking clearly enough."

Azriel dropped his fork as Rhysand glared at him. Lucien's eye whirled, "You...knew?"

Elain huffed, "Yes, but I am glad you refused it. I knew you did not realize I knew and was not regecting me. I...was too eager to have someone again, but I did not think about it enough. The next morning, I wanted no one, others. I just didn't want you, some I don't know..."

"But you knew...Elain, take your time, I was too eager too. I was mostly shocked at having one. I thought my mate had long died..."

Again, in the middle of a conversation I did not want. I grabbed more food on my plate and exused myself into the sitting room. Soon, others followed. Poor Azriel sat in the hall staring down to the dining room. "You will find someone, Azriel...mates, partners, love, it all seem hard anyway. Look at Cassian and Nesta!"

He smiled but did not look away, "When? It took my brothers about 500 years to find their mates."

"Well then, you do not have long if the mother has any bit of kindness."

Finally he looks to me, "And you? Not 500 years is a ways away, Cyra. Where is your mate?" Nope, off topic. I did not want to dive into that conversation. Being infertile, few males would want me. I don't know if I could even have a mate. Also, if i fell in love and then found my mate, then what?

Luckily for me, I did not reveal my thoughts as Elain and Lucien came out. It gave me a chance to hide my broken plate. I shatterede thing about mates. The room erupted with all kinds of emotions and words when Lucien was seen to have a plate of food. Immediately, Elain screamed that she did not cook it or give it to him. Nuala and Cerridwen felt bad and got him something. Ease filled the room, but everyones thoughts were clear on their faces.

Lucien sat to eat as Elain brought the dreaded question up again in a whisper, "What do you think about mates, Cy?" Fantasic, that nickname is catching on. 'Thank you, Rhysand.'

'You're welcome. Before you get mad, you summed me into your head, and now I'm leaving.'

"I... don't. Being infertile, I do not know if a mate is something I can have. Any male, mate or not, would need and need offspring. Something I can't give them. Females, others seem to do well for it, and I have considered it. The conclusion is they are not for me," I looked over to my cousin. Rumor has it women are her thing, but it could never be confirmed. Perhaps I'd ask someday. "When I say I considered it, it is not that their was any female, but I never really liked males. I wondered if it was just because the males I knew were hateful creatures or something else. Males here are better, but I still do not know if I like them."

Elain confessed to still getting used to same gender relationships. She herself liking males can not completely wrapper her head around it, but still thinks it is sweet that they love just the same no matter how strange it is to her. The mortal world apparently frowns completely on it, which is not surprising. Prythian has always been more loose, but some places do not like it. Hewn is one of them, one who has "special punishment" for it to be horribly to mention. "So basicly, not literally of course, but fuck them!" The room gasped at Elain's words until Cassian and I bursted into laughter with Elain, "I told you I would say it during dinner the other day. Since we may not have dinner for I while, figured I get it out know." Feyre was livid but Lucien smiled with amusment. He seemed to be seeing his mate in a new light, one he loved very much.

Lucien sadly finished eating and asked if I was ready to go. I was so I said my goodbyes. "Next time we met Cassian, try not to show up drunk!" Cassian laughed he'd make no such promise. "Elain, if you see her, say hello to Nesta. I regret not getting to know her better. I thought I had more time. Tell her I left the prison of fools to make a palace of prisons to put those who caged me in the first place. She'll understand if you explain what is going on first," she gave me a strange look but nodded and gave me a hug. "Feyre, Azriel, take care of my cousins thoughif they dissapeared under strange circumstances I would not cry."

Morrigan yelled a hey! Wile Rhysand chuckled, "So much anger, Cy. Had to take on last stab. We will do the best we can to keep Keir off your trail. He is allied with Autum so if he learns where you are, that is where he will turn. Azriel would know before he gets there to get you somewhere else. Till them, stay put." I nodded.

"Amren...see you later for training i guess..." I did not know her well enogh to say anything else. It made her snicker which scared me. If pummeling is the best training, what was she going to do to me? True she is a regular fae know, but she knows things. I tried to ignore the shiver in my spine as Lucien and I flew with Cassian and Azriel to the border of the night and day courts where Spring sentries and Helion waited to escort us throw Day, to Dawn and so on.

Up in the sky it hit me. I can do, be and see who ever and whatever I wanted. The people I knew don't matter. I was truely free... Goodbye Velaris, goodbye night court, so long Inner Circle I still do not think I belonged to. Good riddens old life as nothing more than Cyra from Hewn City, cousin of Rhysand and Morrigan. Hello new beginnings, new me, new life, new land!