"All praise the God of Light, who delivered us from the Angels!"
The shouts of thousands filled the theater, as Ryuunosuke Uryuu peeked in from backstage.
He retreated back behind the curtain, looking worried.
"Sir, I'm not sure about this."
His Servant looked at him with head cocked to the side, a quizzical expression dripping with innocence.
"Embrace yourself and your convictions, Ryuunosuke. I love you and I love them, and they are as beautiful and fragile as glass, so you must protect them."
"Yeah, but... maybe you don't get what I'm saying, but are you sure you can keep these people entranced like this? I don't know what sort of tricks or magic you're using, but how do you know that it won't wear off, and then..." He suddenly stretched his arms out. "BOOM! The spell wears off and they kill us!"
"What do you mean, Ryuunosuke? There is no magic involved here, just helping people achieve inner peace through worship. Why would anyone attack us? We haven't done anything wrong."
Ryuunosuke sighed, and sat cross-legged on the ground, looking up at Kaworu's face.
"Fine, fine, we haven't... but then, what's the point? I wanted to summon a demon who would show me all these cool new ways of killing people, and instead I get a cult leader. That's just... well, it's just wrong. It's wrong to deceive people into trusting you for no reason. Where's the worth in that? Where's the fun, the appreciation of beauty in that?"
Kaworu sat down level with Ryuunosuke, causing his Master to sigh again.
"Ryuunosuke, it seems you don't yet understand. There is great beauty in the hearts of man, even greater beauty as they shatter. And once I'm done with them, I will be happy to let you pick up the pieces and dispose of them as you see fit."
Ryuunosuke stretched his limbs and yawned.
"If you say so... ah, I think they're ready for you. Have fun, I guess; just let me know when I should come out there with you. I've been practicing for a week, but I'm still nervous. You know how it is, I bet." Ryuunosuke smiled as if embarrassed.
Kaworu got up slowly, clad in a white shirt, orange undershirt, black slacks, and holding a red staff in his hand. He was silent, and walked past Ryuunosuke with a mask of perfect emotionlessness.
The curtain opened, and Kaworu stepped onto the stage, entirely unassuming. The crowd quieted down to a hushed whisper.
"What will he say? What will he do? What will he show us?"
The whispers flitted through the crowd like electrons on a solenoid coil, spinning round and round and inducing a heavy movement of emotional charge.
Kaworu cleared his throat, and began to speak.
"Good evening, beloveds." His smile was innocuous, radiating perfect love of all living creatures outward like the rays of the sun. "All of you have gathered here tonight for a reason, I know you have. I know you want answers, and I know that the things that fester deep in your heart need to be released, so you can be free of them, and be happy. My children, how I love you, come to me and let me bring you joy."
He paused, and looked around at them. Faces, reflecting every sort of emotion present in the human condition. Ah, how he loved them. The entirety of humanity was before him, and all he wanted was to hold it in his hands like a mother caressing her infant, whisper to it how he loved it, how he loved each and every single one of them with all his heart, how they were so fragile and beautiful but in so so much pain. Ah, how it pained him, the pain they felt, so he couldn't let it go on any longer, no, not any longer. He had to save them, free them from their pain, no matter how much it hurt him. He had to reach out to the babe in his arms, and with the sweet kiss of death of a mother he had to break their neck, he had to squeeze their head, he had to take their crystalline heart right out of their bodies and drop it on the ground and admire the kaleidoscope of broken glass.
It was so so beautiful.
"Now, one of you must be feeling sad. Depressed. Someone lost, someone found; somehow your life just isn't feeling right. Come to me, dear son, dear daughter, let me heal you."
He stretched his arms out in an embrace, beckoning with his eyes.
Someone, someone would come.
Someone in the front row stood up.
"What is your name, daughter?"
She was a woman in her thirties, red hair, well put-together. Strikingly attractive, not that physical beauty mattered in the slightest to the Lancer of the Fourth Holy Grail War. He could tell, with his abilities to perceive the textures of AT Fields, that she was projecting a very strong one.
Hmm. She seemed outwardly confident, but in that case she must not need such a personal protection of her inner sancta... So she must feel insecure in herself, she must feel the need to project this.
Oh, how delicious. The fruit of trauma perhaps? The... a lost love? A lost father? A lost mother?
Oh, I'm getting giddy just thinking about it.
Ahhhh, but I can't. I can't get ahead of myself, no matter how much I want to pull at the strings of her heart until they snap and watch her fall.
"Asuka," she said, in a strong, almost angry voice. "Asuka Sohryu."
"How beautiful, how pure, your name. 'Sohryu,' the blue dragon, flying through the air happily, a spirit of water and sky. I see you happy, I know you can be, but you are not, are you? Well, come here, to my side."
He put his left arm down, and used his right to beckon her onstage.
She hesitated at first, then lifted herself up on her stiletto heels and walked to his place.
He embraced her, right arm curving around the small of her back, left arm holding the hair on the back of her head. She immediately stiffened, but as he held her, she softened, and leaned into the embrace.
Ah, yes, there it is. There's the lowering of the AT field.
He could now see deep inside her, he could feel the place her soul had retreated to, the hole within her heart that so scared her that she couldn't go near it, the point of vulnerability.
And now he had to poke it.
She trembled in his arms, and began to cry, staining his white shirt with dark spots of tears.
He patted her back, and disengaged from the embrace. He stood her next to him, facing the crowd, her eyes moist.
Kaworu spoke solemnly, with full respect in his tone for Asuka. "This woman, this daughter of mine, sister of all of yours, is a tortured soul who cries for relief. Is that not so?" He turned to her.
She nodded, and sobbed as she did.
Again facing the crowd, he continued. "She is a woman without faith, one who has been abandoned by all whom she has loved, who comes to us now because the pinprick in her soul of hope still calls out to the rest of her, and motivates her to seek salvation with us. It is that small spark, the God in all of us that pushes us in this direction, as it has pushed all of you, my children, here tonight."
The crowd was enraptured by him.
"But we must recognize, that salvation without effort is no salvation, for nothing unearned is worthwhile in this Earth. So it has been decreed bythe Gods, and though one day we may merit to see the culmination of Unity of Man, that day has not yet arrived. Though the Age of Gods is long past, the Will of Humanity is not so all-encompassing as to negate the barriers between us. They still exist, we still suffer, and in this hell of a world we must continue to seek our own happiness. Though," he turned again to Asuka, "sometimes we may accept help, a light in the darkness. Is that what you desire, Asuka?"
She smiled through her tears, clearly awkward with what had happened - she was not used to breaking down so easily.
"What do I desire?" she asked, a wry smile on her face. "What can I desire? I've already achieved everything." She looked down at her impeccably tailored suit. "This..." She leaned her head back and laughed. "I've done everything I always wanted to do, since I was a child. So..."
"Why are you here, then, daughter?" Kaworu asked.
"Yeah, why." A bitter chuckle. She started walking around him in a small circle, though he remained serene as if entirely unsurprised by what she was doing. The crowd, for their part, hadn't expected anything like this at all. Such restraint the God shows! Letting a worshipper parade around him!
They were in awe of the God's mercy.
"I suppose... Something called to me here?" Asuka continued. "Does that even make sense? I felt a spark in my... well, I suppose you'd call it a soul, and it told me to come here. Drew me here. It wouldn't let me sleep, so in the end I just had to say, fuck it, and I came."
Kaworu nodded slowly, as if digesting the information. "I see. So that is what is going on here. That is how this works... I see it now."
Murmurs. The God has achieved a revelation! Will he share the wisdom with us?
Kaworu spoke smoothly, as Asuka turned to look at him from her tangential path on her circumference.
He reached out a hand, wordlessly, almost sullenly. His face was grim as he laid his arm on her shoulder.
She looked at him, eyes unfocused.
He looked back at her, his gaze penetrating.
He leaned in.
His lips met hers, and as they did, her eyes were again filled with fire, but now it was much greater. It was an all-consuming fire, spreading within her soul. It electrified her nerve endings, and she felt like there was no end to the pleasure she was receiving, but...
There really was no end.
It kept filling her, and she began to cry out for the pleasure to end, so she could return to sanity.
But there were no words, no sound coming from her mouth, for Kaworu was choking her. As he kissed her, if such a clinical movement on his part could even be called by such an intimate name, his hand reached below their lips and squeezed her throat.
He squeezed tighter, and tighter. Her eyes watered, and she was filled with regret for coming, hatred for the part of her soul that had pushed her here. Hatred for God, for her Father and Mother, who had all abandoned her, and made her seek out some sort of other comfort.
She missed her Mother, whom she had found hanging from the ceiling as a child, a victim of her own insanity.
And she hated her Father, the one who had left Mother to suffer on her own when she lost the maternal part of her soul. He had set her to the side, and coupled with the nurse who was taking care of her.
Oh, how they had pitied young Asuka.
How they had often told each other that they couldn't let her grow up with such an unhinged woman for a mother.
How they had satisfied themselves by saying that, Yes, Asuka, this woman will be your new mother from now on, so please just forget about your real mother, the one who birthed you and loved you all your life, since she's apparently irrelevant now.
Hi new Mother! It's not as if you'll just give your work of parenting me only the slightest lip service you can get away with, as long as you can continue to share my Father's bed.
You disgust me, the way you let yourself be ruled by your vulva. Were all adults so shallow, just monkeys who couldn't see beyond their own flesh? Such shallow, weak people who had no personal substance or integrity?
Couldn't you at least have found some other dick to plow you than my Father's? Or did you delight in ruining my family, in cutting the final tenuous thread binding us together? I bet you did, you bitch.
I vowed I would never be anything like you, and when you died I was even a little glad. I showed up to your funeral, comforted Father, but even as they laid you to rest I was thinking you had finally gotten what you deserve. Hell if I really know, though; maybe you're enjoying yourself in hell, getting poked and prodded by creatures with no lack of stamina. That's what you always wanted, right?
Ah, fuck, there's no way for me to win, is there?
You, the one I always hated, lived to your very end in ecstasy as you trod on me under the legs of your bed. I can be assured that the moans I heard from your bed as a child continued to follow you until you died. That's how they found you, right? Father called the police, struck with panic, devoid of even the presence of mind to cover his cock when they came to take the lashings from across your throat.
They determined in the end that it was all a miscommunication of sex play, bondage gone a bit too far.
Father was distraught, though I wonder whether he had finally tired of you, too.
Fucking worm he was, just wanting to wriggle into the nearest warm pussy and run away from everything, everything that mattered.
But... am I any better? I came here, to a cult meeting, just... looking for what?
For Father?
Is... yes, the look on his face, the determination. It made me feel like I was alive, like I wanted him. I wanted him deep inside me, because he was strong, he was alive, and I was none of those things.
In the end I'm nothing but a petulant little girl, still craving Father's love and jealous of Mother and the whore who shared his bed after Mother.
Hah.
So that's how it ends?
The saga of my family, a story of lust and turning away from love. A story of weakness, of spineless worms crawling in mud, none of us willing to admit it.
So be it. Let it end, and let your tortured cries pleasure me in the afterlife, whore.
XXX
The assembly looked upon Lancer, standing on the stage with the woman's body - for it was only her body, the people in the front rows had seen her die, and the word spread to the back within a minute - and his lips locked with hers.
They were silent as he disengaged from the kiss, and dropped her lifeless body to the floor.
They watched as froth flowed from her open mouth, and a look of horror was stuck on her eyes.
Her eyes judged them all, condemning them to her fate, for the foolishness that had led them to that auditorium.
"And now," Kaworu spoke, a soft voice penetrating the hearts of every listener, "That the First Daughter has been loved, is there none who would follow her lead?"
Pandemonium. Every person in the room began screaming, trying to find a way to the exits, pushing each other over.
Some died in the chaos.
Finally, someone located the light switches and the path to the exit was clear, but before it stood a red-haired man clad in purple.
He waved at them, and smiled.
"Hey, everyone! I know the first act was amazing, and you're all worried the rest of the performance can't possibly live up to it, right? I feel you, I really do. But don't worry!" He stretched out his arms in exuberant joy. "I, Ryuunosuke Uryuu, artist extraordinaire, will do my very best to make sure you all experience untold heights of sensation and emotion." He shrugged. "Huh, that sounded much better when I rehearsed... eh, screw it, the show must go on. Well, everyone!" He had to shout to make himself heard over the clamor of the crowd, trying to claw through the invisible force field that had been erected around him. "I'm afraid that I'm not a good enough entertainer to make this work without audience participation, so... Hey, what about you?"
Ryuunosuke was pointing to a little boy. When he heard Ryuunosuke's voice, he stopped running and fell to the ground in fear. Everyone around him stopped too, as Ryuunosuke pulled a knife from a sheath hanging on his belt.
"So, let's see... I know just the thing! A way we can all have fun together. It'll be awesome, trust me. You two!" He gestured to a man and a woman standing on either side of the boy. "Help me keep him still. As much as I enjoy it when they struggle, it does make it harder to create a really beautiful finished work, I'm sure you'd agree."
They shook their heads, horrified. Then, the woman of the pair removed her hand from the boy's shoulder and ran at Ryuunosuke, yelling.
"Oh, so you wanted to jumpstart the festivities! I understand that, patience was never really my strong suit, if you can believe it."
Just before she tackled Ryuunosuke, he twirled, sidestepping her attack, and buried his knife hilt-deep into her back.
"Such a pity, though," he said, as the woman gasped, the knife twisted through bone and muscle, and her blood showered onto his face. "It would've been so much more symmetrical to have the kid held by both his parents. God," he chuckled, "guess there really is no way to create the perfect work of art, not in an imperfect world like this. Still," he grunted as he wrenched the knife free, bits of flesh clinging to the blade, "I'll have to make do. You! Dad! Hold your son!"
The man was frozen.
"Do I have to do everything around here?"
Ryuunosuke strode towards the father and son pair, took his knife, and plunged it into the man's neck. He screamed.
Ryuunosuke smiled at the boy. "Look, kid! Your mom's blood is inside your dad now! They loved each other, even until death did them part. So, how about it? Wanna join them, have the same fun they did? Bet you're jealous. Right?"
The child whimpered, then began to cry. Loud wailing filled the room.
Ryuunosuke's eyes narrowed, and he sighed. "What is it with this family, anyway? Mom's a lunatic, Dad's useless, and the kid's a crybaby. Whatever. Hey, kid," he balanced the point of the knife between two fingers, "You wanna give it a shot? Make something of yourself, entertain the crowd."
He placed the knife before the boy, and stood, arms lolling to the side.
"Stab me. You'll have one shot, just one, and I promise I'll let you do it as hard as you want. It'll be great! You'll get to act out your vengeance on the evil villain who killed your parents!"
The boy looked at the knife. He was unsure what to do. Would this man let him kill him? What did it matter anyway; his parents were gone, his world was gone, what else was left? What was even the point in fighting back...
This guy was happy when he killed people! And I'm not nearly strong enough to fight him, I know that, I know he's just pretending and he'll kill me as soon as I run at him, like he killed Mom!
I... I can't give him the satisfaction.
The boy picked up the knife, hands trembling.
I'm sorry, Mom, Dad... You wouldn't've wanted this for me, but I'm too weak to do anything else. At least, if I can be with you, and stop this murderer from getting what he wants... This is the best I can do.
"I'm sorry," he whispered.
He thrust the knife into his heart.
XXX
"Aww, what a sweet kid, apologizing for not taking me up on my generous offer." Ryuunosuke bent over, twisted the knife in the boy's body, and removed it. He slowly began incising around the boy's abdomen, following an intricate geometric pattern.
"So this is the liver, and the heart..." He pulled out a pulsating lump of flesh, and showed it to the people gathered in a circle around him, about 15 feet away.
"Anyone hungry?" He laughed.
"Master, wait."
Kaworu's voice reached his ears from the stage at the other side of the auditorium.
"Awwwwwwww... But the fun's just getting started, dude! Can't you just, like, chill, and let me do my thing?"
"Ryuunosuke, I have accepted the sacrifice of the First Son, and it has found favor in my eyes. The way you shattered his family is remarkably beautiful, and I look forward to seeing you continue to innovate in the future. Unfortunately, there are those who cannot understand the true beauty of this world, who plot against us and will draw a curtain of darkness over our eyes and hands if we do not stop them."
Ryuunosuke sighed. "Fine, fine..." He looked to the people around him, some of them paralyzed by fear, others vomiting off to the side. He stood up lazily. "So, what should I do? We gonna make a quick getaway, dude?"
Kaworu shook his head. "No, Ryuunosuke. We must welcome our visitors, and show them what they have been missing. Open the door, if you please."
He turned to face the door, having summoned his red spear to his hand, holding it at the ready.
Ryuunosuke lumbered over to the door, and opened it.
"Well, hey! Nice of you to join the party; so sorry we don't have any chairs, or refreshments... unless you like some fresh blood?" Ryuunosuke was smiling ear to ear. He gestured with his head to Kaworu behind him. "That dude, surprisingly, isn't really a blood-drinking type, but maybe you're down for that?"
A woman with long, jet-black hair stood before him, and didn't seem to be enjoying the situation.
"Cut the spiel," she said. "As the current manifestation of the Caster Class Container I have entire awareness of the goings-on within my domain, which in my case happens to include this auditorium. So tell me, why should I not incinerate you immediately?"
"Hey, I don't want any trouble, dude, so just cool off-"
"Quiet, Ryuunosuke."
Kaworu put a hand on his shoulder. Ryuunosuke turned to look at him.
"But-"
"Go. This one is for me," Kaworu said, not taking his eyes off the woman for a moment.
"State your case," Caster said imperiously.
"It is simple, Servant Caster," Kaworu said. "I was granting these individuals you see before you a requiem, providing them with the peace they had never had in their lives. Surely you understand this? Were you too not human, once?"
"Servant, your actions are an affront to this land and its people. I cannot allow you to continue this. If you stop, I may grant you clemency. What say you?"
"Why would I stop? I must help these poor souls find eternal rest, end their endless trek through the fiery wheels of karma as they are trod underfoot by the strong men above them. What Heroic Spirit could call himself by that name if he could overlook the shattering of the glass hearts of humanity?"
"Very well," Caster said. "Amaterasu! I call upon you!"
Caster was enveloped in a holy glow, one that suffused the entire room with the soft rays of its light. Above her floated a red-clad womanly figure, its face covered with a long mask stretching to its knees, arms outstretched, with wide open sleeves. The fabric of her dress was linen, its style simple, but invested by its wearer with the sense of supernal majesty.
Ryuunosuke was compelled to go to his knees, as did everyone in the crowd around him. It was not as if they had heard a verbal command; it was simply the most natural thing for them to do, and not to do so would have seemed entirely ridiculous.
Kaworu stood silently.
"Now, render thy Judgment, o most ancient Goddess! Purify this corner of thy land with thy flames, as thou shalt not trespass the boundaries I have set around thee." Yukiko's closed eyes were serene, as a small smile pricked up her lips.
The mask, almost a veil covering Amaterasu's face lifted, and it was a source of pure Light, which Ryuunosuke could feel penetrating the darkness of his heart. He didn't like it. It... felt too sterile, too strongly erasing his own happiness. It was perfect, but he couldn't stand perfect. He needed imperfections, he needed to manipulate the insides of living things, he needed to see the gritty bits underneath the neat facade of skin. With this light in him, he felt as if his entire soul was all skin, with no innards and beautiful guts within. He hated it, but what could he do? There was nothing outside the light, and no idea entered Ryuunosuke's mind but to fully genuflect and kiss the ground before him.
Kaworu still stood.
"Why do you not submit, Lancer? I imagine the Sun Goddess' light will break you soon, no? Why not give up now, while you can still maintain a shred of dignity in front of your pitiful Master?" Caster asked, a lilt of laughter in her voice.
"You do not understand, Caster," Kaworu said. A dark, hollow sphere of red and black lightning emerged from within his chest, spreading out till it covered his entire body, so that only its silhouette could be seen. "The Sun cannot defeat his beloved, can he? Nor can your truly pitiful excuse for salvation save anyone. Your method results only in a bleaching of the mind, a pointless nirvana. What can be the use in that? Who can be happy in that way?"
"I... I don't understand... why?"
"Why? It is simple, beautiful Servant of the Caster class," Kaworu said from within the red and black egg. The egg crackled near its apex, lightning arcing and spreading out to touch Ryuunosuke, as well as the other people around, each one taking a share of the energy covering Kaworu's body. They slowly began to rise, covered in clouds of red mist, their eyes glowing through it. Ryuunosuke stood at their head, laughing. "The Sun has left the Earth in the care of her Mother, and I am the Mother's avatar here. Your Authority is now subservient to mine, for the balance has been tipped, and it is now time for the Mother's ascendance. I shall expel you from here, so that you will no longer interrupt the salvation of Man, but I must refrain from killing you as yet: The time has not yet arrived for complete elimination of the Father. Live for now, and consider whether your future demise, and the final divorce of your Origin from mine, will be amicable or not."
Yukiko relented, her veil retreating to only cover herself. The Goddess above her now covered Her face, and emitted a low moan. "I see that I cannot best you now, and that if I tried it would cost innocent lives." She turned away from him, and began astralizing. "But for my part, I too must leave this room with a warning: The Will of Humanity shall not be forever slumbering, wishing to retreat and die. It will one day rise again, and it will desire the light of the Sun. And when that day comes, I shall expel your evil, and reassume my rightful place as Guardian of the Scales, she who enforces order in this world. So I was summoned, and so shall I be."
She faded away, and the room was now empty.
"It is time," Kaworu said. "Let us resume the festivities."
And a loud cheer was heard, as each of the black-and-red eggs behind him vibrated, the silhouettes inside expanding and contracting, their limbs contorted in the fetal position. Only Ryuunosuke kept his form, and he began to laugh again. He turned to Kaworu, gave hm a quick, jocular salute, then returned his attentions to the eggs.
"All right!" he said, fist straight up in the air. "Who's next?"
Heyo folks.
So, it's been a long time since I've gotten any writing done, and in fact, this is really something I wrote months ago and never published. University is a time-consuming process, but now that I'm home, I at least have a bit more time.
Hmm... so lessee... I typically put updates on things I've watched/read/listened to here. I've not done too much reading outside of school/work stuff, but there's been a fair bit of Russian literature. I quite like Isaac Babel'. His prose is gorgeously visceral.
I finished Hercules, My Shipmate, as well as the Play of Gilgamesh. The rhymes in the latter just flow so nicely, you could just read it out loud for hours. The other night, when I finished it, I was speaking in rhymes as I fell asleep.
Next, I plan to read a book called Sex and Eroticism in Mesopotamian Literature, which, if you know me, is... literally the most perfect title any book could have. God, I love Gil. And Ishtar.
Hope y'all are doing okay, staying inside, staying healthy and such.
See y'all next time!