Suck.
Suck.
Suck.
Suck.
The hands. They pull at me, from the inside of the shell. The membrane pulsates, and it wants to crush me. There is nothing in here but endless dark, a sea of blood; and in it I float, a single seed in the abyss.
Is there light in me?
I cannot say, it is swallowed by the darkness.
I feel... I feel it going out of me. My life, is dripping from me like the viscous fluid through a pinhole in an eggshell. It is sucked out, and I feel I can hear a slurp, a swallow, and a small voice enclosing my world, saying "Thank you."
XXX
"Erm, Sir?" Ryuunosuke said, leaning over one of the black-and-red eggs. He peered through the vapours covering its inhabitant. "This is... really beautiful! Honestly, it's like watching peristalsis from an esophageal POV! God, I could... hey, do you think you could put me in one of these things?" He crouched next to the egg and posed, as if for a picture.
"Ryuunosuke," Kaworu said. "It is not seemly for you to say such things... you are necessary for fulfillment of the plan. Though I respect your ardent admiration, you must wait your turn."
"Ah, yes, yes, the plan... what was that again? I was never really clear on the details, but you just seemed to know what you were doing, so..."
"So, we shall begin." Kaworu stood, peering down at Ryuunosuke's low figure, his eyes judging. They seemed to find him wanting, though with a strong core of worth. They thirsted for that core... they wanted to drink it, to absorb it to suffuse the veins lining their limpid seas of white with his flesh.
Not yet, not yet... why? Why is this Grail-infused vessel so hard on me? Why can I barely control my urge to... connect, incorporate, love? It's as if there's something deep within me, pushing me harder and harder, and I can't help but want it.
"Ryuunosuke, touch the ovum in front of you."
Ryuunosuke obediently stretched forth his hand, and slapped it through the vapor straight onto the surface of the egg. He felt it begin to sink through the surface as through a skin on chocolate pudding. Experimentally, he poked a finger inside, and started moving it around, feeling the warm, pulsating... flesh.
"Hey, this is... really cool," he whispered to himself. "I can almost-"
A high-pitched scream filled the room as Ryuunosuke started moving his finger more vigorously in the egg. He could see it tremble.
"Well done, Master," Kaworu said. "Now remove your finger."
"But I-"
"It will remain. Do as I say; you will be well-rewarded for it."
Ryuunosuke reluctantly removed his finger, and the scream lowered to a moan, then a soft, animal panting. He looked at his finger, saw it was covered in a slimy, transparent fluid, with streaks of black and red.
"Now what?" he said, looking at the substance drip from his middle finger. The digit was completely soaked, saturating his skin, feeling hot, throbbing.
"Now spread the hole you punctured within the representative of the Mother. Use your hands to spread it open," Kaworu said, miming the action.
"Oh, man, you... you really are the coolest! I thought I had seen things, but dude! I've gotta keep hanging out with you, man..." Ryuunosuke's voice trailed off and he went back to the egg, and did as Kaworu instructed. As his hands grabbed its surface, the ripples interweaving its surface undulated, as if bracing for his touch and further penetration. He began to pull.
The scream that rent the air now was nothing compared to the one earlier in pitch, but in the way it pushed straight to one's soul; if there had been any observers they would have felt their souls stop in awe of the miracle, but there were none. Ryuunosuke's soul was, for better or for worse, immune to these effects.
As the egg opened, it revealed a curdling sludge. The black mud inside bubbled, and each of the bubbles became an eye. A human eye, bloodshot, with red pupils, and veins filled with black. The eyes blinked asynchronously, and Ryuunosuke didn't know which one to look at. It's impolite to look away from someone's eyes when you're talking to them, but...
"Hey there!" he said to the insides. "My name is Ryuunosuke, but who gives a shit about that? You..."
He had to blink to be sure that what he was seeing was real.
"I lied to you not, Ryuunosuke. Is this not beautiful?"
"It... holy fuck, yes."
"Now, what do you want to do, Master?"
"I..." his eyes sparkled at the possibilities. So many! So many... but I have to pick one? God, that's such a drag... well, I didn't get where I am now by being indecisive.
"I want to... touch it more. I want to bury my face in it, I want to scoop it out and anoint myself with it, just rub it in deep into my pores. I want to get to know every single bit of it, and praise... well, you, I guess?" Ryuunosuke said. "You did make it, right?"
"Oh, Ryuunosuke... you forget the real donors. I am but the shaper, but the clay... the clay! The selfless individuals who sacrificed themselves to destinies of eternal bliss, mixing with the Mother and her waters... They are the ones who deserve all praise!" Kaworu forgot himself for a moment. "Now, Master, as the intermediary, you have done well... Please, I must ask you, to stand aside as I complete the ceremony."
"Oh? Um, sure, glad to be of service!" Ryuunosuke smiled sheepishly, massaging his nape with his hand, and quickly scooting out of the way.
Kaworu opened his hand, and the shaft of a long red spear appeared in his grasp, materializing from the eternal void from which come all things. Thickly inlaid with precious gems, in which the clouds swirled if you looked for too long, and sometimes a visage would coalesce from the nimbuses, mouth locked in a perfect 'O'. Thick veins covered it, wherever there weren't gems. These pulsated arrhythmically, as if mirroring the heartbeat of the lance's holder. Kaworu lifted the spear, pointing it at the opening of the ovoid, the gaping maw of the egg on the half-shell.
The eyes all pointed towards the tip of the spear, which shone with a dripping moisture. Kaworu smiled, restraining himself. There was such simple joy in this... I tell you, you haven't felt this ever, and I should think you never will. There's something special about it...
The tip quivered for a moment, then, it shot like an arrow, tethered to the shaft only by a thin black string. Penetrating the sea within the egg, a wave of black mud from inside the egg surged and overflowed.
Now it was no scream that erupted. Soundlessly, the mud surged, becoming a nanometrically thin film spreading on the floor. It expanded quickly, faster than Ryuunosuke's eyes could follow, as he could only stare at its advance. It warmed his feet, and he felt gravitationally drawn to the epicenter of the puddle.
As it spread, it thinned; or rather, parts of it huddled together, like a crowd of laborers. It formed lines on the ground, lines and curves and geometric shapes. Ryuunosuke guessed that some of the shapes were letters or writing of some kind - foreign languages were never really his thing - but he was too ecstatic to care.
He was jumping up and down, pumping his fist in the air, the black mud squishing against his soles.
"YOU!"
jump
"ARE!"
jump
"THE"
jump
"COO-FUCKING-LEST!"
Kaworu permitted himself a slight chuckle at his Master's antics. They were amusing, a product of his puerile naivete and devotion to a new cause which he barely understood; although, perhaps he understood all that mattered? He appreciated the true beauty of this world, and its inhabitants. For this, and this alone, Kaworu was truly grateful.
Such a lovely partner this one made... and so much more interesting than the self-sequestering soul of Unit 02 had been. To say nothing of the man called "Father"...
Ah, well, Ikari was a recurring dream of his. Not that Servants dreamed while asleep. No, Ikari occasionally popped up in his waking life, a faint mirage overlaying reality. He wanted to excise that image, but he couldn't. He couldn't separate himself from the longing he had felt, and his ardor for the young Uryuu boy must owe something to that.
Enough for the sentimentality. There is worth in waxing loquacious in mental monologues on the past, but the present - and the future! - hold so much more promise, that it would simply be a waste to reminisce any more. It is time to open the curtain on the next act.
"Ryuunosuke!" he let his voice pierce the silence, imbuing it with enough force to push Ryuunosuke out of his self-orgiastic reverie. The orange man stopped for a moment, blinked, and cocked his head at his Servant.
"Yeah?"
"Ryuunosuke, Master, my dear brother in love," Kaworu began walking away from the center of the puddle, by now solidified into a hexagrammic pattern. "I offer you the choice: Follow me to watch the festivities, and keep yourself, or join in them, be swallowed by them, and lose yourself to their swirls."
"I mean I can't say that either choice sounds bad," Ryuunosuke said, scratching his chin, "but I can't really separate myself from you yet, man. Wait up!"
Ryuunosuke ran from where he was near the center to where Kaworu was, and they walked to outside the hexagram. Kaworu then turned to Ryuunosuke.
"Master, now that the seed has been planted, we must begin gestation. Lay down," he gestured to the red floor, spattered with shocks of blood and black mud.
Ryuunosuke obeyed, a fire burning in his eyes, belying his calm actions.
Kaworu stood at his feet, directed towards his face, and stretched his arm above him. "Submit thyself to me, as the manifestation of the Demiurge, the Consort. Let the spirit of Qingu, of Dumuzi, Adonis, Horus, fill thee. Thou shalt not be the Father, but thou shalt be the Father's Shadow, he who stealeth the marriage bed. Let thy loins be girded with mandrakes, the fruits of lust. Let the seed of resentment rise within thee, the chains binding thee contributing to its formation. Let thy struggle, thy curse, thy endless desire to know what lie in the bodies of men, flow into thy seed. Let thy seed also catalyze all the future seeds, let it cuckold the seed of the Father, and let it always hide in the background, the worm at the core of the apple."
The hexagram now glowed, and Ryuunosuke's trousers bulged, lengthwise.
"Thou shalt never be the King, but thou shalt witness perfection in its rot. Longine! Te voco!"
At the sudden cry, Kaworu's lance reappeared in his hand. Its head was stunted, but the veins were as thick as ever.
Kaworu pointed the base at Ryuunosuke's groin, and its tip at his own.
"Longine," he intoned, eyes closed, trembling with anticipation. "Seminem duc."
The base of the lance opened, and expanded till it resembled a viron. It clamped onto Ryuunosuke's groin, and he screamed.
"Yes," Kaworu muttered, swaying softly side to side, "The cry of the Virgin is heard from one end of the world to the other, as the world trembles before it is made anew."
The shaft of the spear thickened, the veins bulged, and flowed with black mud. It gathered towards the head, which came to life and quivered.
"Thank you, Master," Kaworu said. He opened his mouth, clamped onto the spearhead, and began to suck. The fluid flowed from the veins of the spear, and nothing could be seen except Kaworu continually swallowing, Ryuunosuke moaning, and, after what seemed like an eternity, the head finally began to die. The viral base disengaged from the Master of the Servant of the Spear, whose eyes were open in bliss, though they were clouded by the black mud in their bloodshot veins.
Kaworu opened his mouth once more. His tongue lapped up the sticky fluid around his lips, and he began to glow.
"Fret not Master, thou shalt be granted repose in state. Thy bier shall be mourned and celebrated by all. Now separate, and become One."
The hexagram shot up, as if extruded from a plane into three-space. It curved towards an apex, thinning at the top. Fractally, it reflected itself. It became a large egg, covered in eyes, with a facsimile of Ryuunosuke's ecstatic face at the front, mouth eternally opened in wrinkled joy.
"Lady Wisdom, Sophia... o Triply-Praised-Goddess, Mother of us all!" The egg spoke these words, with the voices of the multitude. "Accept this our prayer, our sacrifice of malichor!"
"Now," Kaworu said, suffused with flecks of black gold, "We need only wait, my son, my self."
XXX
"My son," said Risei Kotomine, "I appreciate you coming to the Church on such short notice. I hope you understand why this had to be kept from Tokiomi."
Kirei fidgeted in his skin in the rectory of his Father's church. It was located several miles outside Fuyuki, between Fuyuki and Minoa, on the Minoan branch of the Fuyuki leyline. Risei had retired there on occasion in the past, when the main Fuyuki Church was too much for him to handle; at those times, he had typically left its pastoral duties to his son. Kirei had never been in the Minoa church; he had always suspeted that this was where his Father retreated so as to be away from Kirei, that Kirei was in some way unworthy of seeing his Father's full nature, that his Father required some safe place where Kirei's corruption would not intrude.
Now, Risei was here in the middle of the Holy Grail War, leaving the Fuyuki Church temporarily unmanned. A calculated risk, though not a great one; Assassin was keeping watch and would report to Kirei immediately if anything seemed amiss, but it surely must be as tempting as the golden apples of Paradise to any Masters brash enough to risk everything and go directly for the Lesser Grail. If, that is, they thought it would be there.
He laughed inside. Certainly, it is lovely to know just a little bit more than everyone else involved. Being the son of the overseer, the putative apprentice of the Custodian of the Land, and...
Well, let's not speak of this last one. Not yet.
"Of course, Father."
Risei smiled in satisfaction. "Now then, let's get down to the brass tacks." He pointed to a map of Fuyuki on the wall behind him, outlined in gothic lettering. Kirei noticed the calligraphy was excellent; he idly wondered which Frakturist had been contracted to do it. What a waste of resources, all going to the glorification of... what? Ah, but... no, not now.
Risei continued. "Right here," he pointed to a nondescript dot on the map, "There is a great concentration of prana. It has folded in on itself, and threatens collapse. We don't know what will happen if it does, and we don't want to find out. The headache would be immeasurable..." he pinched the bridge of his nose. "We don't even know which Servant did it. We merely assume. Now, Tokiomi knows this much; he is the one who alerted us, after all. We told him we would take care of things, as he still has to manage that incorrigible Servant of his."
"May I ask what Archer has been busying himself with?" Kirei said.
"I do appreciate your thirst for knowledge, Kirei, but let that matter not bother you. He is a crazed demigod, an affront to the Creator. There can be no logic, nor wisdom in his actions. He shall suffice as a weapon, nothing more." Risei turned back to the map. "So, here is what we must do. I will send you with the Assassins to investigate the pranic surge. I cannot guarantee your safety, but..."
"Yes, Father, I knew this from the beginning."
"Indeed, Kirei... So, I will request you leave Assassin at the Fuyuki Church until my return, as security."
"Yes, Father." Kirei turned to leave, then stopped himself. "Is there anything else you wanted to tell me before I go?"
"Anything else? I can't say there is, Kirei."
Kirei turned back, and left.
XXX
Kirei stalked the outside of the auditorium. His Black Keys drawn, he circled the perimeter, looking for a chink in the impenetrable force field surrounding it. He scraped the tips of his blades against the field, and he felt an energy flow from the field, through the steel, and into him. It was an intoxicating sensation, electrifying his nerves. His legs pushed off, launching him to the roof.
He landed, pointing the tips of his Black Keys below his feet, letting his prana reserves flow into them, which was just enough to open a hole in the field, large enough for him to slip through. The glass roof shattered, and he fell.
His reinforced feet took the blow, and he lifted his eyes. They wondered at what they saw. There was a black mound of flesh, pulsating, forming a roughly ovoid mass. He could hear heavy breaths emanating from... it. And prayers, and curses... though these all merged into one overwhelming stream of consciousness flowing from the mass. It was not like hearing with the ears, but like hearing with the skin, with the heart. It penetrated deep within him, and his vision faded. He stood, and then lost his balance, falling to one knee.
As he struggled to keep his eyes open, there, before him, a boy clad in divine raiments. He seemed to resemble Claudia in her glory, but with... mastery. The boy walked towards him, bent down, and touched Kirei's chin, softly.
"You... are searching. What do you search?"
Kirei could not answer. He had the answer, right in his throat, but he retained not enough life to push it out.
The boy kissed him. His lips met Kirei's, and along with the boy's tongue entering Kirei's mouth, came a viscous fluid, tasting like proteinous blood. Kirei swallowed it, and his consciousness then faded.
XXX
Ciel stood on top of the Church steeple. It gave her a good view of her surroundings, let her spot any intruders to the Church's Sacred Domain before they appeared to any other Servant. The sweat pooled on her brow, as she squinted to not let it fall in her eyes. Some fell in her mouth; she swallowed it, its saltiness arousing her vigilance.
The cool wind blew. She was chilled. The treetops swayed, dropping leaves like raindrops. She saw a car in the distance, an old English model, its headlights bright as it traveled the winding road down the cliff face towards the Church. They shone beams of light through the air, and Ciel elected to keep watch over it. Let it come to her; it was probably just Risei, anyway. And if not, a few Black Keys shot through the tires would take care of that quickly enough.
Speaking of Risei, she wondered how her Master was doing. Kirei... I worry for him. He's so self-involved in... his struggles of faith, his inner conflict with his own nature, that he may not be paying attention to external threats. He can only see them as reflections of his Anima, living inside of him as a helpmate opposite his psyche, and seems to think that if he meditates enough, just comes to some level of inner understanding, that his external enemies would be reconciled to him, or else lay down their arms after slitting their own throats.
He's never had any enemies before, not any real ones. Just mirages set up by his Father, to hear him tell it. Kirei seems to think that everything in his life, every single thing that has happened to him, and possibly ever will happen to him, has been the direct result of his father's influence and meddling. Not his Father in Heaven - at least that would make sense! No, he thinks that his earthly Father, Risei Kotomine, has some sort of preternatural powers and cares enough to mould his son's life.
Ciel had met the man. She disagreed on both counts.
Risei is certainly not without some power, but this chiefly by virtue of being the Church's representative in the Fuyuki region of Japan. And here, he is subservient to the authority of the Tohsaka in most matters; his apparent friendship was nothing more than a ruse that both he and Tokiomi engaged in in order to keep up appearances of propriety. In truth, they would each kill the other, but for the fact that such a thing would bring untold retribution at the hands of the Holy Church or the Mages' Association. So a cool detente was preserved between them...
And is not Kirei's relationship with his father much the same? The man sees him as a sovereign threat, Risei seems to see Kirei as a mere tool, and each is happy to, intentionally or not, play into the other's preconceptions. What a sick relationship.
She idly wondered whether she'd be doing her Master a favour by slitting the old man's throat herself. Sure, she'd get dismissed as a rogue Servant; she would have to be, in order for her Master to escape the - technically groundless - accusations of parricide. He'd keep his Command Seals, get a new Servant; he'd be fine, in fact much better than before.
But... no. That would not help matters. Kirei isn't strong enough yet to go on without her; she has to guide him, help him to walk or toddle a bit before she can leave him to his own devices. No need for him to shock himself yet, look where he's not ready to see.
When will he know good and evil, be able to discern between them?
The car neared, and Ciel saw Risei's face through the front passenger window, his rosary beads bouncing in the wind. His face was smug, and Ciel admitted she couldn't fault Kirei for feeling the way he did. Risei simply had the sort of aura that would be overbearing to anyone, especially his son.
She waited for the car to come into the drive of the Church, and jumped down to meet it, landing in front of its headlights. The car stopped, and Risei got out. He waved to the driver, who left them alone.
"Assassin! Just the girl I wanted to see; how was the vigil?" He said, walking up to her, smiling.
"Nothing to it," she replied. "It's far from the worst I can expect of a Holy Grail War." Despite herself, she felt a smile creeping up on her lips; one thing Risei could do that his son could not was make you feel comfortable. Give you a sense of casual, easy conversation.
"Ah, yes... le stabby-stabby. Speaking of," he now reached where she was standing, and started heading for the Church; she followed him. "How is my son doing? He... I hope he's been speaking to you on a more, shall I say, intimate level than he converses with me. You know how he is, so stiff, formal, anal, if I might speak Freudianly. Don't know where he gets it from," Risei sighed, shaking his head, "But who knows? Maybe it was innate within me, buried deep. Either way, I know so little of my own son's heart and life. I know he probably doesn't see you as more than a tool for his victory, but maybe he let something slip?"
Ciel chuckled. "Not in so many words, no." She opened the heavy wooden doors for Risei; the lights in the main sanctuary were on, and they entered.
"I was afraid of that," Risei said, slipping through the open door, and taking a seat in one of the pews. "Ah, well, suppose it can't be helped. My son is my son, and of the Most High. Perhaps his Heavenly Father can take better care of him than I. What say you, Assassin? Do you think he will survive this War?"
"Not for me to say, Father. I've not been in a Holy Grail War before; how am I to know what is required to survive one?"
"Perhaps," Risei said, checking his wrist. He seemed to see something there; a sly smile pricked his cheek. "Assassin, speak of the devil. You don't happen to know where Kirei is right now, do you?"
She tensed, her calves hardening like steel in preparation for flight. "Is he all right?"
"Not for me to say, Assassin, but what I can tell you is that he was supposed to contact me by now. The fact that he hasn't is somewhat concerning. Here," he said, and told her exactly where to find her Master.
She sped, flying on wings of iron, fuelled by rage. How could he go, and not call her to his side? Did he have no other way to protect his father? And even if not, why did that matter? How could he be so irresponsible? How could he leave her alone with him?
Her jackboots pounded treetops and rooftops, bouncing from one to the next.
At last, she arrived at the building with the broken glass roof. She recoiled, sensing the mass of curses inside. She peered in, and saw only a writhing egg, large and imposing, with black tendrils snaking out of it, thrashing. Without any intelligence, or agency.
She noticed the hole her Master had made in the bounded field protecting the roof, and moved to it cautiously. She intended to get a closer look before jumping through, but-
"Welcome!" the voice gurgled at her, like it was filtered through bloody phlegm, warbling like the sound of a wet flute. "Come, come! Come and well, reach to the well, drink its love and mud and be well!"
She immediately shot a Black Key through the opening, praying it met its mark.
The gurgling stopped for a moment, replaced by a thin, piercing scream. Then, a different voice, clear, womanly. "My son! You killed my son! He was little and had no one, and now he is no more... by your hand!"
Did... she?
A man's voice, sobbing. "All there is, my love, is death and despair. Look, a Servant of the Lord, come on business motivated by purity of heart. But it's a lie! It's all a lie! She killed our light, our Son!"
The woman's voice returned, and she wailed as the man sobbed.
Then a weak, meek voice, shy to speak itself. "Why, sister? Why did you remove me from my parents? I... It is so dark here. I cannot see them. I cannot see anything at all. I wander, wandering on weak legs waiting for them to collapse, so that the worms can eat them and..." A sob. "Save me. My lights are gone from me, separated by the veil of the moon." Then, his voice broke, and her mind could no longer hold. And they all wailed.
Ciel fell to her knees, on the roof. Her memories of life flooded into her mind, filling her with regret and self-hatred. Propping herself up with her hands, her eyes were soaked with clear tears, her Black Keys fell to her side, and her body was wracked with agony. This was the one thing she had not mastered, the one pain she had not weathered.
The inner germ of curse, like a cancer eating at her heart. It gnawed at her soul, repeating, over and over: "YOU DID THIS!"
No, she can't... not now, it's been so long since... oh no, she can't she can't stop it. It's...
a weak no fell from her lips. She fell through the hole, and yet she was no longer there.
XXX
She was in the room, the hateful room before the Fathers. They poked, they prodded, they chuckled as she moaned and screamed.
She heard footsteps echoing, coming from outside. Her naked arm reached to the door as her back was pierced, her front violated. Save me, please. I cannot last...
A door opened, a heretofore indistinguishable bit of wall. Light flooded in through the high-ceilinged cavity. Then her eyes ran down to the base of the opening, and saw only a boy. Dark brown hair, clutching a stuffed animal in one hand and a knife in the other, eyes burning.
No! Not... please, not you...
She longed for the men, and would give herself to them to escape him. But they were no longer; the Son of Darkness was all that remained.
The boy was far away but his voice penetrated the deepest recesses of her mind.
"Sister, my love, you must feel my ache. You must feel how my heart cries for her. I cannot separate myself from her, and my ravenous passions cannot be sated without her blood. I was born low, grew lower, and then saw her. Like the shining Moon which bore her, the Princess of the True Ancestors appeared to me, glowed, and was gone. I must pursue her, I must find her!"
No, she wanted to say. You cannot; it would destroy you and me.
"Ah, but I care not, sister." His voice was light, weak, but strong and pushing. "She is the unobtainable ideal, the all-too distant brightness; I am nothing without her, and less than nothing with her. She came with the Mother and remained here when the Mother closed her face.
"Do you... not understand my plight? Do you not grieve with me, lacerate your heart with those Keys of yours as my own heart is strangled by pangs of being born?
"Do you... wish to see?"
Will it heal the pain?
"That's for us to find out, dear."
The light went out, only darkness remained; then, not even that.
In the void, a hand clapped.
"Let it begin."
Ciel sat in a folding chair, on a small stage. Before her: A white-haired girl, with red eyes, but the soul peeking through those eyes was the same within Ciel's own.
The girl cowered in fear, trembling as she hid her face in her hands. She tried, but could not. She twisted, limbs writhing, a low crackling coming from her throat, resolving into a dry groan.
Ciel's heart tore for the girl's pain, and she stood up and ran to her. The chair clattered, and Ciel took the girl in her arms, a tight embrace.
shick
What was that? I... heard something... it came from inside me. My eyes don't want to move, but I must look and see.
The crying had stopped, and the cowering was more rhythmic, mechanical.
Ciel looked down at her bosom in which her love had enveloped the girl, and saw that the girl's eyes, turned to Ciel's own in a silent plea for help, were stabbed straight through the back of her skull by steel spikes rooted in Ciel's breasts.
The girl's body twitched once more, then was silent. A quiet flow of black mud came from her pierced eye sockets.
Ciel raised her eyes heavenward and wailed.
And then the voice came again, still, small, and weak.
"As he said, your body is made of swords. You cannot but destroy, even those you love are fated to die by your hand. Them especially; you are forced to follow the path of pain no matter your desire. You can only love and destroy, love and destroy. Whereas I, sweet Sister, lie within you and can do nothing but love. I do not destroy, for the incidental casualties to my path of love are not important enough. They are dust kicked up by my running. You can only choose to love and so you know my pain, for my own love fuels yours. Yes, it is not your own; it is an artificial feeling which comes from my need to unite.
"If that were not so, you could save. And yet, you have only ever saved one person, and thought that thereby you had saved yourself. But I still reside in you, Sister, and cannot be extricated. I have bound with your essence, and I need only be awakened."
I hate myself. I can't do this. I'll lose, but better to lose a little than lose it all. I can't let him win.
XXX
The invading Servant was bathed in shattered glass as she fell, the glass flowing around her like a whirlpool fuelled by a golden ardor, a black curse. Kaworu watched her descent, but was shocked. Something even the Servant Lancer did not expect occurred.
Her body was suspended in the air, mid-flight. Her limbs straightened and extended; she adopted the pose of one crucified, splayed horizontally, facing the heavens above, and the moonlight filtering through the hole in the ceiling.
It was a full moon that night.
As she tranquilly hung there, the Egg thrashed. The man who was presumably that Servant's Master was long dead, his heart consumed by Kaworu, who had been able to extract several liters of black mud therefrom.
The Egg reached. "Holy Madonna, hail thee full of grace! Come, embrace me, Lady!"
It pulled back in agony, as the tendril it had shot towards her was sliced clean in half.
Her body had sprouted swords, long blades like the one she had flung from the rooftop. They tore her insides, and formed an impregnable wall around her. Her face could not be seen, but Kaworu felt her strength.
The Egg sent more tendrils at her, but each time they were sliced by the rotating swords.
Then the interlocking mesh of swords began to unravel, and Ciel's form emerged. Steel flashed from within her eyes, as she hung in midair, impaled by her own swords. Blood flowed from the wounds on her palms and ankles, and her mouth opened, and she laughed.
"Lancer, Lancer... you think you have won? You think my Master has died? You think to pervert the essence of the Son in this way? The Queen and her Daughter have counseled, and they emerged with your verdict: Such cannot be suffered under the light of the Moon, and so they have contracted their own Son."
She fell to the earth, and a final sword grew from her wrist, and she grabbed it.
Kaworu watched, full of awe and curiosity.
Ciel smiled, and stabbed her abdomen with the sword. Blood spurted from the wound, and flowed in her mouth.
"I shall sacrifice myself for my Master, and you shall see death. Come! I call unto thee, splitting myself for thee, birthing thee from my own loins, seed sown by my own blade! Serve me, thy Mother born in profanity, o Lord Surpassing Death! In the name of LUCIFER, the shining Son of the Lunar Princess, Noble Phantasm: Eternal Blood Corruption!"
She twisted the blade inside of her, and cut herself open. Her organs pulsated, and she laid down, bliss adorning her physiognomy, and a single Black Key embedded in between her breasts.
Then, a holy silence descended upon the room. Even the Egg stopped its moans in deference to it.
The Black Key between Ciel's breasts shriveled, and fell away, dead. In its place, a head emerged, brown-haired. Though there was not enough space for him, a teenaged boy arose from the pit of Ciel's abdominal cavity. Bathed in clear, slimy fluid, he wore a blue school uniform. He held a knife in his hand, marked 「七夜」.
He looked down at himself, his feet still submerged in Ciel. "Oh, so this is how she chose to bear me. I see she still hasn't excised her affection for the Tohno kid."
He lifted one foot out of her abdomen, then stepped out of her. His shoes were soaked in her fluids. He looked down at her. "Why couldn't you have given me his sister as a vessel instead? Ah, my poor, current surrogate mother." He knelt down, stroked her quiet chin with his index finger, the other four fingers on that hand still gripping the blade. "You look terrible. What have you been doing with that body of yours? When it was mine I put it to such greater effect."
He stood erect, turned to Kaworu. He took in the scene: The giant blob, the glowing Lancer Servant, and Assassin's Master, lying prone off to the side.
"Who are you, my son?" Kaworu asked him. "Have you too come for salvation? I see... great longing in your heart. A hole deep within you, an empty hole that must be filled. Can I fill it for you?"
"Fat chance," the boy said. He spat to the side. "There's very little you can do for me, although I relish little more than the thought of your testicles at the end of this knife. Come on, though; give me a good fight. I've been itching for one for so long..."
He shivered.
"Ahhhhhh, it's so good to be back in the flesh again. I've missed it so much. Let's have some fun, shall we?"
Kaworu began drawing energy from the Black Moon behind him.
A cacophony.
"Yes, Lord, please take it all oh suck it all from me just take everything that I have that I am" "It hurts! Why do you hate me so" "Where did she go, I miss her so much" "Just keep quiet, I'll be done soon" "Love me and let me fill you"
Kaworu was filled with the curses from the Black Moon. Ahh, this is the true self of the Lilin, their true desires, what truly makes them live! And yet at the center of their souls they were nothing but crawling worms in their own excrement, always cursing...
And yet!
And yet they are beautiful!
They possess, each and every one of them, a part of the great Seed of Life! The Dark One, Lilith!
Opposite the Giant of Light was the Giant of Dark, and yet Lilith could never be a helpmate to Adam.
I, the consummate Adamid... Adam herself! I know this as well as anyone, nay better; and yet I cannot help but lust for their darkness. It fills me and I feel as if I can purify it by passing it through myself.
The whole is in the part, and the part is greater than the sum of the whole! What beauty! What ecstasy! What... paradox, driving through to the very essence of Creation!
And now it is mine! I contain it all within me, all their hatred... all the Evil of the World flows within me, and none can stand before me! Even this murderer's soul will be opened up before me that I may see what drives him, that I may take it within me too! I shall even-
Strange. It's stopped. The flow... where has my flow gone?
Kaworu turned to look at the Black Moon. It undulated, Ryuunosuke's face in agony. The string connecting him... The enemy?!
The enemy was holding onto the string and...
"Sorry, you've taken what's rightfully mine," the enemy said. "And I don't like when people do that. Let's reweigh the balances, eh?"
Kaworu felt all the mud leaving him, the effusions of the Black Moon, Lilith's menstrual blood. The Divine Cloaca's expectorate.
"No! You can't!" he shouted.
"Ah... but I did." The enemy said, and drew his knife, and cut the cord.
Kaworu was now empty, completely, entirely alone, a black dot in a sea of white.
Kaworu called the Spear of Longinus to himself; it materialized in his palm. No matter what this foe might try, Kaworu would be abe to despatch him, send him back to the Throne of Heroes - or wherever he came from - and let him perhpas attain enlightnement there from his murderous intent. This Spear can bind a Seed of Life, the great giants Adam and Lilith; it should be trivial to win against a mere man.
He was about to aim - ah, but what happened to the enemy? Kaworu's vision had been covered by the shimmer of the Spear's appearance, and now the enemy was gone. Wait... no, it couldn't-
"Surprise."
The whisper came into Kaworu's ear from behind, and then he felt the knife. Curiously, the knife wasn't in his heart, or any vital organ, and yet-
The knife twisted inside Kaworu. It... it was like the seams that made up his body had a central stitch, one that was the matrix for all the rest. And that stitch, at its one central, defining point... when that was torn, or broken, everything else fell apart like dominoes.
The knife was pulled out, covered in black mud.
Kaworu collapsed to the ground.
His body was now unravelling, and as he faded away, he knew he would not be returning to the Throne of Heroes. His connection to the Root, or the Chamber of Guf, or whatever one might call it, was cut. He was broken, and what is broken cannot, in the end, be repaired. Isn't that what he had been taught, in those lonely years in the days before Ikari?
He had also been told, 'Ask, and ye shall receive'.
...
Vanity of vanities; and he was mistaken to think there was any exception to that rule. Perhaps Ikari had been right all along.
Maybe he was just unable to understand the Lilin. Maybe the gulf between him and them really was, in the end, insurmountable.
The black dot twinkled, blinked, and disappeared.
XXX
Roa watched the Lancer Servant disintegrate into a few black motes, along with his giant, undulating black mass. He then went back to Ciel, and knelt over her.
Ah, that tasted great. Ciel, you and I have had our differences, but... one thing you should really learn. Nothing is better than life, at any cost; if that weren't so, why would I have agreed to this? You see how precious a few moments are, a good meal?
You were an excellent host in your time, and I do hope you can relive the old memories someday, with a better perspective on them. Perspective is important. It's what distinguishes the masters from the slaves. And you must always, always be on the master side.
Well, enough lecturing. Time to pay the piper. Here you are, Mother. Don't hesitate to call again.
Roa took the knife marked 「七夜」, and widened the hole in Ciel's abdomen. He stuck his hand in, moved it around, until he found what he was looking for, a smile appearing on his lips. He grabbed it, and pulled.
First his arm, then his head, then his shoulders, then the rest of him tumbled inside of her, with a squish after his feet finally fell in.
Golden stitching appeared on the wound, white tendrils drawing themselves together, each to its opposite.
After the stitching work was done, Ciel stood up.
She walked to Kirei's body, and picked him up, hoistng him on her shoulder.
"Sorry, Master," she whispered.
She jumped up through the hole in the roof.
The presence of Michael Roa Valdamjong, awakened within her, filled her innards with light. It spread through her body, giving her little orgasmic bumps on the inside. It penetrated, deep to her most intimate seat of pleasure.
"I don't think I can save you, after all."
She flew into the night, her form outlined against the full, milky moon.
Hey, folks.
So, this is a different time in my life, and probably in many of yours' as well.
Having been hunkered down at home for... about 5-6 weeks? I can't even tell anymore. It's been so long. I miss real-life human interaction; online communiques are nice, but they're just not the same as the real thing.
The loneliness spreads within me, and the only saving grace of the whole thing is that I've been able to do a fair bit of reading.
Writing this has helped me at some points, and I... just can't wait for it all to be over. I hope it will be over soon, and things will return to normal with an absolute minimum of lasting damage.
Sadly, the casualty count is by no means small already.
I just hope it doesn't grow too much worse.
...
Anyway, let's try to keep a sense of normalcy here, shall we?
I... I've read some of Paul's epistles, actually. I can't say I liked 2 Corinthians, but Ephesians was nice. Pleasantly mystical.
Most important! I finished Sex and Eroticism in Mesopotamian Literature, and while the author's analyses aren't always perfect, her final chapter on The Epic of Gilgamesh appealed to me intensely, and her analysis basically states that Gilgamesh is inherently a personification of the same ravenous female sexuality that Ishtar is (in Mesopotamia, eroticism was considered under the feminine bailiwick; to illustrate this point, while modern Western society typically things of the phallus as the default "sexual symbol", the Mesopotamians used the vulva. God I love Mesopotamia), and that Enkidu is the masculine counterpart to him.
I happened to be fortunate enough to have already had my hands on a copy of the book, but honestly, any fan of Gil should take a look at that chapter if they can.
So! Roa!
I like Roa and he is cool. I like Tsukihime. I like being able to bring Roa into this story, and explore more deeply the dualism at the heart of Ciel's soul.
So, folks, do stay safe. My condolences to all those who've lost family; nothing some random, poorly skilled, fanfic author online can say will help, but even so.
Life is precious.
Please remember that for yourself, and live on.
Thanks.
See y'all next time.