A/N: OMG GUYS I am sooooooooooooooooo sorry for not updating sooner, I was so busy this week trying to get in practice for violin and piano and then just procrastinating on various websites *cough*
Ask me questions in the reviews!
STILL ALIVE LIST:
Skyrah Labelle(D1 Female)
Felix Saunders(D2 Male)
Calamity Astrea(D3 Female)
Azurine Bahari(D4 Female)
Twyla Zahavyin(D5 Female)
Cameron Bordeaux(D6 Male)
Spruce Ashmark(D7 Male)
Rowan Loranger(D8 Male)
Cornell Wheaton(D9 Male)
Elisabeth Bronzebrook(D11 Female)
Jackson Winters(D12 Male)
Alice Kimminger(D12 Female)
Twyla Zahavyin(D5 Female)
That night we saw Persefone's face glow up in the sky. It was quite sad but not as sad as I had felt before which, to be honest, hadn't been much either... Anyway, I thought I was probably getting immune to this whole death thing, even if it hadn't taken long.
My allies were still however. That was good.
Although...I had a feeling something was up: and guess what, I was right.
The day was coming to an end, the day after Persefone's death that is. As far as we knew, all the other Careers were still intact and alive. Elisabeth was out trying to find water and Rowan was busy sharpening his sword in the corner. I hummed to myself, a bit numbly.
"Hey, Rowan," I spoke up once I realized it was quite late. "Why don't we build a fire, just for a little bit, to warm up our hands?" We did this every day, just had a brief time to thaw.
"Just for a little bit though," Rowan said in a sort of warning tone. I nodded in agreement. We all knew the consequences which could happen if we took just a second longer.
"But first, let's wait for Elisabeth," I said, glancing around just to see if she was coming. But no, I could catch no sign of her, and so we would have to wait a little while more. I sighed, rubbing my hands against each other for warmth, though of course it barely did a thing. I had been doing this all day, and the previous night seemed a long time ago. My palms were dry and cracked, the weather ruthlessly carving lines into the skin, calluses thickening.
She came back a few minutes later, thankfully, because my fingers were getting really numbly cold. "Fire," I told her briefly. She nodded, shivering slightly.
I set a couple sticks into a pile and showered tinder into it. The edges began to thin out and burst into flame. Heat fanned out in a circle beside the newly-formed fire and I put my hands next to it, letting the flames warm me.
Elisabeth let out one huge breath. "Awesome," she breathed. Her breath fogged out into the air, kind of like smoke.
I nodded. My hands already felt so much better, the cracked parts mending together until they were almost moisturized again.
When Rowan put out the fire, I barely bit back a snap. It just felt like he was taking away a piece of me with that flame, even though I knew somebody would find us sooner or later if we kept it going.
Turns out, somebody did find us, and when they did, my wish came back to me, and it stung like crazy. I really wanted to take that back, because now it seemed like innocent coincidence.
And, of course it had to be the Careers.
I jumped to my feet at once; what in the world were they doing here?! Elisabeth did the same, though she was shaking a bit, and Rowan lifted his chin in defiance. I glared at them fiercely. "What are you doing here?" I voiced my thoughts.
I recognized them all from Training: Skyrah, who the only word I could think of when I saw her was glasses girl. Then there was Felix, who looked a bit dazed, his eyes were out of focus, and Azurine, all tough with her scalding glare.
"I said," I repeated clearly, though I was sort of shaking on the inside from fear just like Elisabeth(of course, I'd never admit it), "what are you doing here?"
"Do we have to tell you?" Azurine retorted coolly. "I never knew there was a rule we had to tell our enemies what we were up to."
"Of course you don't have to tell us," I snapped crossly. "I was just wondering." Though there was some sarcasm hidden in there, overall it was just plain venom.
"We just happened to find your little...," Azurine's lip twisted slightly. "...fire. So beautiful but..." She raised a finger. "Why did you destroy it?"
"We destroyed it so you wouldn't come here," I growled. "And so you should probably leave now before I slice your head off with a hammer."
"Tell me." She dropped her hand and leaned forward. "What exactly do you think we're doing here?"
"To kill us, obviously," I flashed back immediately.
"Obviously?" She raised an eyebrow, anger flaring in her gaze. "Well that's just prejudice, I think. Why should you believe all the Careers are evil?"
"Not all the Careers are evil, but you most certainly are," I spat. Elisabeth let out a quiet gasp.
Suddenly her insults were all back, and Azurine hissed, "If I'm evil, then what do you think you are?"
"Better than you," I grunted.
"And you're sure about that?" Azurine waved a hand. "But anyway, back to the real reason we're here. We want to know everything. Everything you've got to tell us. We'll try to avoid harming you, but if you prove to be difficult.." She drew a knife from the inside of her jacket, small, light, sleek. "..then we'd be happy to get rid of another opponent."
"Azurine, I think this is too much," Skyrah said softly. "Maybe we should just leave or something..."
Azurine snarled, "And like you know about my life? You know how hard it has been to prove myself to my stupid parents? Well guess what? I'm not doing this because I'm evil! I'm doing this because I have to get home as soon as I can and you all are interfering! If only you knew what a burden I have to carry around everyday."
"I don't know anything, but..I still don't think we should kill them. It's just cruel, you know... And I know you want to get home, we all do, but-"
She gave Skyrah one of her notorious glares. "Stay out of this," she warned.
Skyrah opened and closed her mouth, then decided to simply stay silent, though a look of anger was on her face. I didn't even know she was capable of feeling anger.
Suddenly, Rowan was staring at Azurine in horror, and I swiveled my head around to look where he was looking. Her face was twitching uncontrollably, barely veiled anger, yet a ghost of sadness blossomed across her eyes.
Her eyes lowered, she took the knife and used it to stab Rowan. His death was mercifully quick, the knife's aim perfectly precise, going straight through his throat. He gasped, clutching at his neck, then fell to the ground and was gone. Barely any blood even poured out of his throat before he was gone, the life drained out of his body.
"NO!" I yelled, running to Rowan and shaking him. It had all been so quick.. "No...no...no..." I choked in grief, my eyes felt like they would scream if tears didn't come out but I held it in, swallowed the lump in my throat and tried to be strong.
Azurine looked scared too, and she took back her knife, clutching it to her chest, her eyes widened.
"Azurine...," Felix muttered, teeth gritted, shaking his head.
Skyrah just looked on, a blank expression upon her face.
I wanted to pound the earth until my fists were bleeding, I was that mad. Partially because of my grief but also because Azurine had done it...she had really done it...she must have an extremely strong need to prove herself...
She did look regretful, though. But that only soured my hatred.
"How dare you...," I seethed. A fire burst inside me and I stood up, confronted her face-to-face.
"Twyla!" Elisabeth warned, fear in her tone.
Azurine dropped her gaze at once, she looked almost fragile. "I'm leaving," she said suddenly. She ran off, her feet pounding the snow. Half of me wanted to chase after her, to get my revenge. But the other half spoke common sense, that there was no point because she already had a giant head start.
Felix and Skyrah joined her quickly, footprints marked in the white. I stared at my feet, anger in my veins. I hated Azurine, I hated her so, so much. Why did she have to kill Rowan? And why did I have to partially feel sorry for her because of her need to prove herself? And that backstory I had never known...I wondered now, what that might be. And if I could ever feel differently if I knew the whole story.
As the snow fell around me, I realized there was still a lot I had to learn about Careers. And maybe, someday if I survived the Hunger Games, I might just investigate that.
Azurine Bahari(D4 Female)
As I ran, I felt like an entire mountain had collapsed on me. I was practically shaking at what I had just done to Rowan. And where had those flames come from? I-I wasn't evil...I think...I mean...
I put my head down in frustration. My inner turmoil was just too strong. I was fully regretting all the things I had done, all the people I had killed, all the lives I had taken so selfishly, but in the Hunger Games, isn't everyone selfish? Isn't everyone only caring about themselves? Even when they make alliances, aren't they only doing it for themselves?
I felt a new bout of worry that maybe people made alliances because they had forged friendships, and not because they were selfish people.
Maybe I was the selfish person. Maybe I had to acknowledge that. I just wanted to get home, but why did I have to take all these people down as well? Why?
I cried harder than I had ever cried before in my life, because I felt utterly horrible, and I didn't think anyone could ever forgive me. Why did Persefone have to die? Why did Mark have to die? Why did Algar have to die? At least they were better humans than me. I was a monster. I...was...a...monster..
I sobbed even harder.
Get a grip on yourself, Azurine, I thought, but I couldn't. I just couldn't. Why did life have to be so unfair? Why did I have these parents? Why did I have to be born in District Four? Why?
Finally done crying, I dried off my tears on my coat and felt my whole body shaking. I was a monster, I could find no more humanity, no more good in myself anymore. I had completely lost my personality to the brutal Games.
I got to my feet, vowing that I would change. Vowing that I wouldn't kill any more.
But I was still doubtful about my own self control. And that doubt...that doubt blazed through me harder than the despair I had felt earlier, that doubt was so overpowering I almost doubled over because deep inside, we were all monsters with a limit to when we would snap. My limit...my limit needed to be pushed back as far as it could go. It needed to be gone, I wanted it to be gone. I never wanted to see this monster again, because I knew everyone else wouldn't think of my regret, they would just think I was a lying, stupid, cowardly-
Not person. Not person.
I would call myself something not a person for right now, until I could regain control, and make sure I still had some good in there, in the very depths of my soul.
A/N: Yayyy good job Azurine *claps slowly*
12/10/17
My dad's bday is tomorrow! Super excited to give him his gift!